ELSA'S POV
Houston?" I asked, raising my eyebrows when we reached the gate in Seattle.
"Just a stop along the way," Anna assured me with a grin.
It felt like I'd barely fallen asleep when she woke me. I was groggy as she pulled me through the terminals, struggling to remember how to open my eyes after every blink. It took me a few minutes to catch up with what was going on when we stopped at the international counter to check in for our next flight.
"Rio de Janeiro?" I asked with slightly more trepidation.
"Another stop," she told me.
The flight to South America was long but comfortable in the wide first-class seat, with Anna's arms cradled around me. I slept myself out and awoke unusually alert as we circled toward the airport with the light of the setting sun slanting through the plane's windows.
We didn't stay in the airport to connect with another flight as I'd expected. Instead we took a taxi through the dark, teeming, living streets of Rio. Unable to understand a word of Anna's Portuguese instructions to the driver, I guessed that we were off to find a hotel before the next leg of our journey. A sharp twinge of something very close to stage fright twisted in the pit of my stomach as I considered that. The taxi continued through the swarming crowds until they thinned somewhat, and we appeared to be nearing the extreme western edge of the city, heading into the ocean.
We stopped at the docks.
Anna led the way down the long line of white yachts moored in the night-blackened water. The boat she stopped at was smaller than the others, sleeker, obviously built for speed instead of space. Still luxurious, though, and more graceful than the rest. She leaped in lightly, despite the heavy bags she carried. She dropped those on the deck and turned to help me carefully over the edge.
I watched in silence while she prepared the boat for departure, surprised at how skilled and comfortable she seemed, because she'd never mentioned an interest in boating before. But then again, she was good at just about everything.
As we headed due east into the open ocean, I reviewed basic geography in my head. As far as I could remember, there wasn't much east of Brazil... until you got to Africa.
But Anna sped forward while the lights of Rio faded and ultimately disappeared behind us. On her face was a familiar exhilarated smile, the one produced by any form of speed. The boat plunged through the waves and I was showered with sea spray.
Finally the curiosity I'd suppressed so long got the best of me. "Are we going much farther?" I asked.
It wasn't like her to forget that I was human, but I wondered if she planned for us to live on this small craft for any length of time.
"About another half hour." Her eyes took in my hands, clenched on the seat, and she grinned.
Oh well, I thought to is a vampire, after all. Maybe we're going to Atlantis.
Twenty minutes later, she called my name over the roar of the engine. "Elsa, look there." She pointed straight ahead.
I saw only blackness at first, and the moon's white trail across the water. But I searched the space where she pointed until I found a low black shape breaking into the sheen of moonlight on the waves. As I squinted into the darkness, the silhouette became more detailed. The shape grew into a squat, irregular triangle, with one side trailing longer than the other before sinking into the waves. We drew closer, and I could see the outline was feathery, swaying to the light breeze.
And then my eyes refocused and the pieces all made sense: a small island rose out of the water ahead of us, waving with palm fronds, a beach glowing pale in the light of the moon.
"Where are we?" I murmured in wonder while she shifted course, heading around to the north end of the island.
She heard me, despite the noise of the engine, and smiled a wide smile that gleamed in the moonlight.
"This is Isle Esme."
The boat slowed dramatically, drawing with precision into position against a short dock constructed of wooden planks, bleached into whiteness by the moon. The engine cut off, and the silence that followed was profound. There was nothing but the waves, slapping lightly against the boat, and the rustle of the breeze in the palms. The air was warm, moist, and fragrant—like the steam left behind after a hot shower.
"Isle Esme?" My voice was low, but it still sounded too loud as it broke into the quiet night.
"A gift from Frederic —Arianna offered to let us borrow it."
A gift. Who gives an island as a gift? I frowned. I hadn't realized that Anna's extreme generosity was a learned behavior.
She placed the suitcases on the dock and then turned back, smiling her perfect smile as she reached for me. Instead of taking my hand, she pulled me right up into her arms.
"Aren't you supposed to wait for the threshold?" I asked, breathless, as she sprung lightly out of the boat.
She grinned. "I'm nothing if not thorough."
Gripping the handles of both huge steamer trunks in one hand and cradling me in the other arm, she carried me up the dock and onto a pale sand pathway through the dark vegetation.
For a short while it was pitch black in the jungle-like growth, and then I could see a warm light ahead. It was about at the point when I realized the light was a house—the two bright, perfect squares were wide windows framing a front door—that the stage fright attacked again, more forcefully than before, worse than when I'd thought we were headed for a hotel.
My heart thudded audibly against my ribs, and my breath seemed to get stuck in my throat. I felt Anna's eyes on my face, but I refused to meet her gaze. I stared straight ahead, seeing nothing.
She didn't ask what I was thinking, which was out of character for her. I guessed that meant that she was just as nervous as I suddenly was.
She set the suitcases on the deep porch to open the doors—they were unlocked.
Anna looked down at me, waiting until I met her gaze before she stepped through the threshold.
She carried me through the house, both of us very quiet, flipping on lights as she went. My vague impression of the house was that it was quite large for a tiny island, and oddly familiar. I'd gotten used to the pale-on-pale color scheme preferred by the Cullens; it felt like home. I couldn't focus on any specifics, though. The violent pulse beating behind my ears made everything a little blurry.
Then Anna stopped and turned on the last light.
The room was big and white, and the far wall was mostly glass—standard décor for my vampires. Outside, the moon was bright on white sand and, just a few yards away from the house, glistening waves. But I barely noted that part. I was more focused on the absolutelyhugewhite bed in the center of the room, hung with billowy clouds of mosquito netting.
Anna set me on my feet. "I'll... go get the luggage."
The room was too warm, stuffier than the tropical night outside. A bead of sweat dewed up on the nape of my neck. I walked slowly forward until I could reach out and touch the foamy netting. For some reason I felt the need to make sure everything was real.
I didn't hear Anna return. Suddenly, her wintry finger caressed the back of my neck, wiping away the drop of perspiration.
"It's a little hot here," she said apologetically. "I thought... that would be best."
"Thorough," I murmured under my breath, and she chuckled. It was a nervous sound, rare for Anna.
"I tried to think of everything that would make this... easier," she admitted.
I swallowed loudly, still facing away from her. Had there ever been a honeymoon like this before?
I knew the answer to that. No. There had not.
"I was wondering," Anna said slowly, "if... first... maybe you'd like to take a midnight swim with me?" She took a deep breath, and her voice was more at ease when she spoke again. "The water will be very warm. This is the kind of beach you approve of."
"Sounds nice." My voice broke.
"I'm sure you'd like a human minute or two... It was a long journey."
I nodded woodenly. I felt barely human; maybe a few minutes alone would help.
Her lips brushed against my throat, just below my ear. She chuckled once and her cool breath tickled my overheated skin. "Don't take toiling, Mrs. Cullen."
I jumped a little at the sound of my new name.
Her lips brushed down my neck to the tip of my shoulder. "I'll wait for you in the water."
She walked past me to the French door that opened right onto the beach sand. On the way, she shrugged out of her shirt, dropping it on the floor, and then slipped through the door into the moonlit night. The sultry, salty air swirled into the room behind her.
Did my skin burst into flames? I had to look down to check. Nope, nothing was burning. At least, not visibly.
I reminded myself to breathe, and then I stumbled toward the giant suitcase that Anna had opened on top of a low white dresser. It must be mine, because my familiar bag of toiletries was right on top, and there was a lot of dark blues in there, but I didn't recognize even one article of clothing. As I pawed through the neatly folded piles—looking for something familiar and comfortable, a pair of old sweats maybe—it came to my attention that there was an awful lot of, well,underwear.
But this wasn't the underwear I'd typically wear. These were all surprisingly skimpy, made of silky soft materials. Some were in bright colors, some had odd—but strategically placed—cutouts, others were just made of completely see through mesh.
I didn't know how or when, but someday, Alice was going to pay for this.
Giving up, I went to the bathroom and peeked out through the long windows that opened to the same beach as the French doors. I couldn't see her; I guessed she was there in the water, not bothering to come up for air. In the sky above, the moon was lopsided, almost full, and the sand was bright white under its shine. A small movement caught my eye—draped over a bend in one of the palm trees that fringed the beach, the rest of her clothes were swaying in the light breeze.
A rush of heat flashed across my skin again.
I took a couple of deep breaths and then went to the mirrors above the long stretch of counters. I looked exactly like I'd been sleeping on a plane all day. I ran my hands through the mess of curls on my head, which only seemed to agitate them further. I brushed my teeth meticulously, twice. Then I washed my face and splashed water on the back of my neck, which was feeling feverish. That felt so good that I washed my arms as well, and finally I decided to just give up and take the shower. I knew it was ridiculous to shower before swimming, but I needed to calm down, and hot water was one reliable way to do that.
When I was done, I grabbed a huge white towel off the counter and wrapped it around my waist.
Then I was faced with a dilemma I hadn't considered. What was I supposed to put on? Not a swimsuit, obviously. But it seemed silly to put my clothes back on, too. I didn't even want to think about the things Alice had packed for me.
My breathing started to accelerate again and my hands trembled—so much for the calming effects of the shower. I started to feel a little dizzy, apparently a full-scale panic attack on the way. I sat down on the cool tile floor in my big towel and put my head between my knees. I prayed she wouldn't decide to come look for me before I could pull myself together. I could imagine what she would think if she saw me going to pieces this way. It wouldn't be hard for her to convince herself that we were making a mistake.
And I wasn't freaking out because I thought we were making a mistake. Not at all. I was freaking out because I had no idea how to do this, and I was afraid to walk out of this room and face the unknown. Especially in mesh underwear. I knew I wasn't ready forthatyet.
This felt exactly like having to walk out in front of a theater full of thousands with no idea what my lines were.
How did people do this—swallow all their fears and trust someone else so implicitly with every imperfection and fear they had—with less than the absolute commitment Anna had given me? If it weren't Anna out there, if I didn't know in every cell of my body that she loved me as much as I loved her—unconditionally and irrevocably and, to be honest, sometimes irrationally—I'd never be able to get up off this floor.
But it was Anna out there, so I whispered the words "Don't be a coward" under my breath and scrambled to my feet. I pulled the towel tighter around my waist and marched determinedly from the bathroom. Past the suitcase full of underwear and the big bed without looking at either. Out the open glass door onto the powder-fine sand.
Everything was black-and-white, bleached colorless by the moon. I walked slowly across the warm powder, pausing beside the curved tree where she had left her clothes. I laid my hand against the rough bark and checked my breathing to make sure it was even. Or even enough.
I looked across the low ripples, black in the darkness, searching for her.
She wasn't hard to find. She stood, her back to me, waist deep in the midnight water, staring up at the oval moon. The pallid light of the moon turned her skin a perfect white, like the sand, like the moon itself, and made her wet hair black as the ocean. She was motionless, her hands resting palms down against the water; the low waves broke around her as if she were a stone. I stared at the smooth lines of her back, her shoulders, her arms, her neck, the flawless shape of her...
The fire was no longer a flash burn across my skin—it was slow and deep now; it smoldered away all my awkwardness, my shy uncertainty. I slipped the towel off without hesitation, leaving it on the tree with her clothes, and walked out into the white light; it made me pale as the snowy sand, too.
I couldn't hear the sound of my footsteps as I walked to the water's edge, but I guessed that she could. Anna did not turn. I let the gentle swells break over my toes and found that she'd been right about the temperature—it was very warm, like bath water. I stepped in, walking carefully across the invisible ocean floor, but my care was unnecessary; the sand continued perfectly smooth, sloping gently toward Anna. I waded through the weightless current till I was at her side, and then I placed my hand lightly over her cool hand lying on the water.
"Beautiful," I said, looking up at the moon, too.
"It's all right," she answered, unimpressed. She turned slowly to face me; little waves rolled away from her movement and broke against my skin. Her eyes looked silver in her ice-colored face. She twisted her hand up so that she could twine our fingers beneath the surface of the water. It was warm enough that her cool skin did not raise goose bumps on mine.
"But I wouldn't use the wordbeautiful," she continued. "Not with you standing here in comparison."
I half-smiled, then raised my free hand—it didn't tremble now—and placed it over her heart. White on white; we matched, for once. She shuddered the tiniest bit at my warm touch. Her breath came rougher now.
"I promised we wouldtry," she whispered, suddenly tense. "If... if I do something wrong, if I hurt you, you must tell me at once."
I nodded solemnly, keeping my eyes on hers. I took another step through the waves and leaned my head against her chest.
"Don't be afraid," I murmured. "We belong together."
I was abruptly overwhelmed by the truth of my own words. This moment was so perfect, so right, there was no way to doubt it.
Her arms wrapped around me, holding me against her, summer and winter. It felt like every nerve ending in my body was a live wire.
"Forever," she agreed, and then pulled us gently into deeper water.
ANNA'S POV
I swept my Mrs. Cullen up into my arms and growled a feral growl at her. She had no sense and only giggled with giddiness. The fire she had started would not abate to a slowly dying ember like all the times before, she had me ablaze! If my heart was still beating it would have wildly ripped through my chest right now.
All the night creatures on the island silently went still. Even the crickets ceased there song. They waited, for a fierce predator stalked among them, carrying her prey. Little pinpricks of fear stabbed at me from the night and it fueled me like I was on the hunt. And actually I was, but not for blood.
I would have what had been denied for all to long. Frederic had warned me of the intensity. He had counseled me to restrain the full extent of my emotions when I was finally faced with this. But now that the moment was drawing near I didn't want to restrain anything! I wanted Elsa, and I was going to have her! She giggled again and I stuttered a step.
"What are you giggling about woman? Do you know what kind of line we are walking right now? Your life is literally hanging in the balance this evening and my passion for your blood is warring with my passion for your body….I….." tiny fingers pressed themselves to my marble lips to shush me.
"Hush, I have always been the safest in your arms Anna...and tonight we will have our passion together", and she snuggled closer to me all her trembling gone. Shock at her trust in me wormed through my gut.
I stopped at the edge of the bed, past the French doors, with vampire speed and settled her on top of it in the next blink. Anna's breathing picked up and a pink blush was forming under her translucent skin on her face. Her knees were still locked tightly together and pulled up slightly, but her arms were loose and open to me.
Standing next to the bed tall and naked she raked her blue eyes down my form and I felt part of me twitch in excitement I felt myself get wetter. She giggled again.
In a flash I was next to her on the bed trailing my pale fingers down her chest to belly. Propped on one arm my golden eyes searched for any resistance in her blue, and found none. As I knew I wouldn't.
"Elsa, are you ready for this? Truly ready"?
Elsa's answer of course was to encircle me with her arms and kiss me. Her knees were still closed together and I was waiting for her scent to hit the open air. In the water I had dilution, now it would be concentrated beyond all reason.
Elsa was moaning under me and trying to keep her self still but it was an effort. So I parted her knees with my hand and began to caress her little begging body. The fire burning in my belly was snaking through me again and my passion for her was building, when it hit.
Elsa's scent scorched its way down my throat and I could feel the venom pooling in my mouth. I began swallowing convulsively trying to concentrate on controlling the blood lust. I was swimming against the current of wave after wave of her delicious scent. Something in me must have tensed and told her I was struggling because she stilled her movements, resting her face against my chest.
I dragged in breaths of ocean air to try to clear my head, but I was burning in more ways than one. Elsa's hands slowly caressed my back and moved over my body deliciously soft when she found the part that ached for her. Circling and sliding she rubbed the same spot I was rubbing on her, so lost was I in her movements that I forgot momentarily the blood lust that threatened to take me over.
Slipping my long fingers into Elsa's core once again, I nuzzled into her neck as she arched her back to me. Slowly I pushed in and out, driving her need; circling her swollen clit, and then dipping into her once more, until I could feel her writhing under my ministrations.
Elsa's breathing came faster and her little body heated up, sweat glistening on her brow. I kissed away the salty drops, savoring every nuance of flavor.
Then knowing I could do something no human woman could ever do, I sped the friction with my finger on her little mound. Elsa clawed her way down my back failing to even scratch my marble skin. She looked almost feral and it only spurred me on. Careful not to put to much pressure on such a sensitive spot, I sped up.
Then Elsa was panting, crying out, with tears streaming from her eyes, and her limbs writhing. Shaking underneath me, she was so close to the edge…then she screamed my name. "ANNA! ANNA!" I abruptly stopped. Freezing in place, terrified I had misjudged and hurt her. Anguish pierced me as I felt the bottom of my stomach plummet into ice.
"NO DON'T STOP! OMG DON'T STOP!" she was clawing at me, begging me, pleading me to continue.
Relief washed over me in a welcome wave, and I gave her a burst of speed she desperately craved. Elsa exploded into her first orgasm by my hand and she held on to me like she was going to splinter apart.
Her spilled passion permeated the air as the next wave of her scent hit me full on. Elsa overtook my senses, fingers of fire scorched their way down my throat and flames licked up from my belly as I jerked clenching my teeth. Such thirst! She was searing me, I had to concentrate! Thankfully my own arousal competed for the most ardent ache, ultimately winning out, throbbing to be with her.
In a split second I was on top of Elsa, positioned just at her entrance. I grasped her arms maybe a little too hard I wasn't sure, and pleaded with her one last time. Begging her.
"Please Elsa…" I lowered my head to her neck. "Please, oh god please do not let me hurt you" more a prayer than a question.
"Anna, I trust you." She whispered just as she had that day in the meadow when she found out what I really was.
The Lion and her lamb, the unlikely pair comes finally to this.
"Very well, are you ready love?" I managed to croak out.
Her lovely face beaming up at me and shaking her head yes was my only answer.
With that I pushed my fingers in as gently as I could manage until I felt her barrier. Wet as she was I slid easily but very snugly. I then started grinding into her Perfectly filling her and gently stretching. Looking into each others eyes, I thrust home through that last bit of innocence we both retained. Now we both belonged to each other in every sense of the word.
What came next can only be described as pure ecstasy and pure hell all wrapped in one. The scent of her blood, her passion, and the overwhelming love I felt for this beautiful creature undid me.
I was intoxicated by the warm velvety folds against mine with every thrust, and the swirling scent of her blood sent me into a frenzy. I wanted to sink my teeth into the thin layer of skin on her throat, feel her warm pulse fill my mouth and sate the horrible burning. It was the strongest pull I had ever had to it, even when we first met and I wanted to kill her immediately for her blood, nothing could compare to the scent that affronted me now.
But my heart was stronger, and the thought of her death kept the thirst in check. I had wanted her for so long, denied myself this ultimate satisfaction, now that I had her I could only tumble with her on the bed and burrow into her as if I was dying without her passion filling me.
Vaguely I remembered her saying hold me tighter, and I obliged. She would moan and mewl and cry out my name in passion begging for more always more! And I would give it to her! I would thrust onto her forever if she wanted it!
I was drunk on our consummation, consummation such a perfect word for this act of marriage. We were consuming each other until you couldn't tell where one left off and the other began. And I could feel something welling deep down inside, something that began to build and build. Her scent scorched me, and our love twisted my belly into knots, knots that were building a pressure. "Anna! Faster, I think I am going to …..Going to….again….Anna! Oh please don't stop…" And I took off on a race, trying so hard not to be too rough, but the pressure was building and suddenly she screamed underneath me and a fierce growl rumbled out of my chest, I bit into the pillows next to her head. Slicing into the fabric like it was tissue paper. Needing more I bit into the headboard above Anna's head, ripping wood from its joints. My hands crushed my handholds on the board to dust, and the bed rocked and split under my thrusts. Anna cried and thrashed along with me, gripping me with her thighs desperately clutching me to her. All the waiting, the heat, the pent up need, poured from her core and I flooded into her, all my passion spent.
I was frightened of what my arousal would do to her very human body, but Frederic had assured me it was venom free and thus inert; unlike my teeth that I so very carefully kept from her fragile skin.
Elsa arms slipped from around my back as she fell into the mattress. Having earned an exhausted sated sleep, a smile curled up her lips as she whispered, "I love you Anna". And I was so thankful. This angel loved me; I would spend the rest of forever showing Elsa how much I loved her.
"I love you, Mrs. Cullen." I whispered in her sleeping ear.
ELSA'S POV
The sun, hot on the bare skin of my back, woke me in the morning. Late morning, maybe afternoon, I wasn't sure. Everything besides the time was clear, though; I knew exactly where I was—the bright room with the big white bed, brilliant sunlight streaming through the open doors. The clouds of netting would soften the shine.
I didn't open my eyes. I was too happy to change anything, no matter how small. The only sounds were the waves outside, our breathing, my heartbeat...
I was comfortable, even with the baking sun. Her cool skin was the perfect antidote to the heat. Lying across her wintry chest, her arms wound around me, felt very easy and natural. I wondered idly what I'd been so panicky about last night. My fears all seemed silly now.
Her fingers softly trailed down the contours of my spine, and I knew that she knew I was awake. I kept my eyes shut and tightened my arms around her neck, holding myself closer to her.
She didn't speak; her fingers moved up and down my back, barely touching it as she lightly traced patterns on my skin.
I would have been happy to lie here forever, to never disturb this moment, but my body had other ideas. I laughed at my impatient stomach. It seemed sort of prosaic to be hungry after all that had passed last night. Like being brought back down to earth from some great height.
"What's funny?" she murmured, still stroking my back. The sound of her voice, serious and husky, brought with it a deluge of memories from the night, and I felt a blush color my face and neck.
To answer her question, my stomach growled. I laughed again. "You just can't escape being human for very long."
I waited, but she did not laugh with me. Slowly, sinking through the many layers of bliss that clouded my head, came the realization of a different atmosphere outside my own glowing sphere of happiness.
I opened my eyes; the first thing I saw was the pale, almost silvery skin of her throat, the arc of her chin above my face. Her jaw was taut. I propped myself up on my elbow, so I could see her face.
She was staring at the frothy canopy above us, and she didn't look at me as I studied her grave features. Her expression was a shock—it sent a physical jolt through my body.
"Anna," I said, a strange little catch in my throat, "what is it? What's wrong?"
"You have to ask?" Her voice was hard, cynical.
My first instinct, the product of a lifetime of insecurities, was to wonder what I had done wrong. I thought through everything that had happened, but I couldn't find any sour note in the memory. It had all been simpler than I'd expected; we'd figured it out quickly, all the passion we had so carefully been keeping in check for so long allowed to run free. Fire and ice, somehow existing together without destroying each other. More proof that we belonged together.
I couldn't think of any part that would make her look like this—so severe and cold. What had I missed?
Her finger smoothed the worried lines on my forehead. "What are you thinking?" she whispered.
"You're upset. I don't understand. Did I... ?" I couldn't finish.
Her eyes tightened. "How badly are you hurt, Anna? The truth—don't try to downplay it."
"Hurt?" I repeated; my voice came out higher than usual because the word took me so by surprise.
She raised one eyebrow, her lips a tight line.
I made a quick assessment, stretching my body automatically, tensing and flexing my muscles. There was stiffness, and a lot of soreness, too, it was true, but mostly there was the odd sensation that my bones all had become unhinged at the joints, and I had changed halfway into the consistency of a jellyfish. It was not an unpleasant feeling.
And then I was a little angry, because she was darkening this most perfect of all mornings with her pessimistic assumptions.
"Why would you jump to that conclusion? I've never been better than I am now."
Her eyes closed. "Stop that."
"Stop what?"
"Stop acting like I'm not a monster for having agreed to this."
"Anna!" I whispered, really upset now. She was pulling my bright memory through the darkness, staining it. "Don't ever say that."
She didn't open her eyes; it was like she didn't want to see me.
"Look at yourself, Elsa. Then tell me I'm not a monster."
Wounded, shocked, I followed her instruction unthinkingly and then gasped.
What had happened to me? I couldn't make sense of the fluffy white snow that clung to my skin. I shook my head, and a cascade of white drifted out of my hair.
I pinched one soft white bit between my fingers. It was a piece of down.
"Why am I covered in feathers?" I asked, confused.
She exhaled impatiently. "I bit a pillow. Or two. That's not what I'm talking about."
"You... bit a pillow? Why?"
"Look, Elsa!" she almost growled. She took my hand—very gingerly—and stretched my arm out. "Look at Thanksgiving."
This time, I saw what she meant.
Under the dusting of feathers, large purplish bruises were beginning to blossom across the pale skin of my arm. My eyes followed the trail they made up to my shoulder, and then down across my ribs. I pulled my hand free to poke at a discoloration on my left forearm, watching it fade where I touched and then reappear. It throbbed a little.
So lightly that she was barely touching me, Anna placed her hand against the bruises on my arm, one at a time, matching her long fingers to the patterns.
"Oh," I said.
I tried to remember this—to remember pain—but I couldn't. I couldn't recall a moment when her hold had been too tight, her hands too hard against me. I only remembered wanting her to hold me tighter and being pleased when she did...
"I'm... so sorry, Elsa," she whispered while I stared at the bruises. "I knew better than this. I should not have—" She made a low, revolted sound in the back of her throat. "I am more sorry than I can tell you."
She threw her arm over her face and became perfectly still.
I sat for one long moment in total astonishment, trying to come to terms—now that I understood it—with her misery. It was so contrary to the way that I felt that it was difficult to process.
The shock wore off slowly, leaving nothing in its absence. Emptiness. My mind was blank. I couldn't think of what to say. How could I explain it to her in the right way? How could I make her as happy as I was—or as Ihadbeen, a moment ago?
I touched her arm, and she didn't respond. I wrapped my fingers around her wrist and tried to pry her arm off her face, but I could have been yanking on a sculpture for all the good it did me.
"Anna."
She didn't move.
"Anna?"
Nothing. So, this would be a monologue, then.
"I'mnot sorry, Anna. I'm... I can't even tell you. I'm so happy. That doesn't cover it. Don't be angry. Don't. I'm really f—"
"Do not say the wordfine." Her voice was ice cold. "If you value my sanity, do not say that you are fine."
"But I am," I whispered.
"Elsa," she almost moaned. "Don't."
"Anna."
She moved her arm; her gold eyes watched me warily.
"Don't ruin this," I told her. "I. Am. Happy."
"I've already ruined this," she whispered.
"Cut it out," I snapped.
I heard her teeth grind together.
"Ugh!" I groaned. "Why can't you just read my mind already? That would make this so much easier!"
Her eyes widened a little bit, distracted in spite of herself. "That's a new one. You love that I can't read your mind."
"Not today."
She stared at me. "Why?"
I threw my hands up in frustration, feeling an ache in my shoulder that I ignored. My palms fell back against her chest with a sharp smack. "Because all this dramatic angst would be completely unnecessary if you could see how I feel right now! Or five minutes ago, anyway. Iwasperfectly happy. Totally and completely blissed out. Now—well, I'm sort of pissed, actually."
"You shoulders angry at me."
"Well, I am. Does that make you feel better?"
She sighed. "No. I don't think anything could make me feel better now."
"That," I snapped. "That right there is why I'm angry. You arekilling my buzz, Anna."
She rolled her eyes and shook her head.
I took a deep breath. I was feeling more of the soreness now, but it wasn't that bad. Sort of like the day after lifting weights. Cassandra had been training me leading up to the wedding after I told her I wanted to look good for it. Sixty-five lunges with twenty pounds in each hand, bicep curls, sit-ups. After our first training session, I couldn't walk the next day. This was not as painful as that had been by half.
I swallowed my irritation and tried to make my voice soothing. "We knew this was going to be tricky. I thought that was assumed. And then—well, it was a lot easier than I thought it would be. And this is really nothing." I brushed my fingers along my arm. "I think for a first time, not knowing what to expect, we did amazing. With a little practice—"
Her expression was suddenly so livid that I broke off mid-sentence.
"Assumed? Did youexpectthis, Elsa? Were you anticipating that I would hurt you? Were you thinking it would be worse? Do you consider the experiment a success because you can walk away from it? No broken bones—that equals a victory?"
I waited, letting her get it all out. Then I waited some more while her breathing went back to normal. When her eyes were calm, I answered, speaking with slow precision.
"First, watch the temper. Second, I didn't know what to expect—but I definitely did not expect how... how... just wonderful and perfect it was." My voice dropped to a whisper, my eyes slipped from her face down to my hands. "I mean, I don't know how it was for you, but it was like that for me."
A cool finger pulled my chin back up.
"Is that what you're worried about?" she said through her teeth. "That I didn't enjoy myself?"
My eyes stayed down. "I mean, I know it's not the same. You're not human. I just was trying to explain that, for a human, well, I can't imagine that life gets any better than that."
She was quiet for so long that, finally, I had to look up. Her face was softer now, thoughtful.
"It seems that I have more to apologize for." She frowned. "I didn't dream that you would construe the way I feel about what I did to you to mean that last night wasn't..." She paused, then let out a long, almost shuddering breath, "Well, the best night of my existence. But I don't want to think of it that way, not when you were…"
My lips curved up a little at the edges. "Really? The best ever?" I asked in a small voice.
She took my face between her hands, still introspective. "I spoke to Frederic before the wedding, hoping he could help me. Of course he warned me that this would be very dangerous for you." A shadow crossed her expression. "He had faith in me, though—faith I didn't deserve."
I started to protest, and she put two fingers over my lips before I could comment.
"I also asked him whatIshould expect. I didn't know what it would be for me... what with my being a vampire." She smiled halfheartedly. "Frederic told me it was a very powerful thing, like nothing else. He told me physical love was something I should not treat lightly. With our rarely changing temperaments, strong emotions can alter us in permanent ways. But he said I did not need to worry about that part—you had already altered me so completely." This time her smile was more genuine.
"I spoke to my Siblings, too. They told me it was a very great pleasure. Second only to drinking human blood." A line creased her brow. "But I've tasted your blood, and there could be no blood more potent thanthat... I don't think they were wrong, really. Just that it was different for us. Something more."
"It was more. It was everything."
"That doesn't change the fact that it was wrong. Even if it were possible that you really did feel that way."
"What does that mean? Do you think I'm making this up? Why?"
"To ease my guilt. I can't ignore the evidence, Elsa. Or your history of trying to let me off the hook when I make mistakes."
I grabbed her chin and leaned forward so that our faces were inches apart. "You listen to me, Anna Cullen. I am not pretending anything for your sake, okay? I didn't even know there was a reason to make you feel better until you started being all miserable.I'venever been so happy in all my life—I wasn't this happy when you decided that you loved me more than you wanted to kill me, or the first morning I woke up and you were there waiting for me... Not when I heard your voice in the ballet studio"—she flinched at the old memory of my close call with a hunting vampire, but I didn't pause—"or when you said 'I do' and I realized that, somehow, I get to keep you forever. Those are the happiest memories I have, and this is better than any of it. So just deal with it."
She touched the frown line between my eyebrows. "I'm making you unhappy now. I don't want to do that."
"Then don't you be unhappy. That's the only thing that's wrong here."
Her eyes tightened, then she took a deep breath and nodded. "You're right. The past is past and I can't do anything to change it. There's no sense in letting my mood sour this time for you. I'll do whatever I can to make you happy now."
I examined her face suspiciously, and she gave me a serene smile.
"Whatever makes me happy?"
My stomach growled at the same time that I asked.
"You're hungry," she said quickly. She was swiftly out of the bed, stirring up a cloud of feathers. Which reminded me.
"So, why exactly did you decide to ruin Arianna's pillows?" I asked, sitting up and shaking more down from my hair.
She had already pulled on a pair of loose khaki pants, and she stood by the door, rumpling her hair, dislodging a few feathers of her own.
"I don't know if Idecidedto do anything last night," she muttered. "We're just lucky it was the pillows and not you." She inhaled deeply and then shook her head, as if shaking off the dark thought. A very authentic-looking smile spread across her face, but I guessed it took a lot of work to put it there.
I slid carefully off the high bed and stretched again, more aware, now, of the aches and sore spots. I heard her gasp. She turned away from me, and her hands balled up, knuckles white.
"Do I look that awful?" I asked, working to keep my tone light. Her breath caught, but she didn't turn, probably to hide her expression from me. I walked to the bathroom to check for myself.
I stared at my naked body in the full-length mirror behind the door.
I'd definitely had worse. There was a faint shadow across one of my cheekbones, and my lips were a little swollen, but other than that, my face was fine. The rest of me was decorated with patches of blue and purple. I concentrated on the bruises that would be the hardest to hide—my arms and my shoulders. They weren't so bad. My skin marked up easily. By the time a bruise showed I'd usually forgotten how I'd come by it. Of course, these were just developing. I'd look even worse tomorrow. That would not make things any easier.
I looked at my hair, then, and groaned.
"Elsa?" She was right there behind me as soon as I'd made a sound.
"I don't think I'll ever get all this out of my hair!" I pointed to my head, where it looked like a chicken was nesting. I started picking at the feathers.
"You would be worried about your hair," she mumbled, but she came to stand behind me, pulling out the feathers much more quickly.
"How did you keep from laughing at this? I look ridiculous."
She didn't answer; she just kept plucking. And I knew the answer anyway—there was nothing that would be funny to her in this mood.
"This isn't going to work," I sighed after a minute. "It's all dried in. I'm going to have to try to wash it out." I turned around, wrapping my arms around her cool waist. "Do you want to help me?"
"I'd better find some food for you," she said in a quiet voice, and she gently unwound my arms. I sighed as she disappeared, moving too fast.
It looked like my honeymoon was over. The thought put a big lump in my throat.
When I was mostly feather-free and dressed in an unfamiliar white cotton shirt and linen pants that concealed the worst of the violet blotches, I padded off barefoot to where the smell of eggs and bacon and cheddar cheese was coming from.
Anna stood in front of the stainless steel stove, sliding an omelet onto the light blue plate waiting on the counter. The scent of the food overwhelmed me. I felt like I could eat the plate and the frying pan, too; my stomach snarled.
"Here," she said. She turned with a smile on her face and set the plate on a small tiled table.
I sat in one of the two metal chairs and started snarfing down the hot eggs. They burned my throat, but I didn't care. I hadn't imagined how a night like the one we had just spent could work up such an appetite.
She sat down across from me. "I'm not feeding you often enough."
I swallowed and then reminded her, "I was asleep. This is really good, by the way. Impressive for someone who doesn't eat."
"Food Network," she said, flashing my favorite crooked smile.
I was happy to see it, happy that she seemed more like her normal self.
"Where did the eggs come from?"
"I asked the cleaning crew to stock the kitchen. A first, for this place. I'll have to ask them to deal with the feathers... " She trailed off, her gaze fixed on a space above my head. I didn't respond, trying to avoid saying anything that would upset her again.
I ate everything, though she'd made enough for two.
"Thank you," I told her. I leaned across the table to kiss her. She kissed me back automatically, and then suddenly stiffened and leaned away.
I gritted my teeth, and the question I meant to ask came out sounding like an accusation. "You aren't going to touch me again while we're here, are you?"
She hesitated, then half-smiled and raised her hand to stroke my cheek. Her fingers lingered softly on my skin, and I couldn't help leaning my face into her palm.
"You know that's not what I meant."
She sighed and dropped her hand. "I know. And you're right." She paused, lifting her chin slightly. And then she spoke again with firm conviction. "I will not make love with you while you are still human. I will never hurt you again."