Hey there everyone! Another big thanks to dieFabuliererin for all the hard work she put into this! I hope you all like this chapter just as much as we do! Again, TW for sexual harassment and assault, so please read with caution. Thank you :)

Ahsoka was twelve- practising her katas in the Temple- when a male clanmate commented on her appearance for the first time.

She remembered the flush spreading across the chevrons of her lekku when the other boys laughed at his somewhat lewd and not-at-all complimentary words about her figure. She rushed back to her quarters before the tears could build too heavily on her lashes.

From then on, she chose to stick close to her female acquaintances. Sometimes, they could be nasty too- Master Plo said this was because they were jealous of her early acclamation to Padawanship- but at least the girls weren't commenting on her body.

Not to her face, anyways.

It was better that way. Ahsoka could walk the halls of the Temple with her 'friends' without worrying what others thought about her body or choice of clothes. She got so used to the security that fellow females could provide, that it was a bit of a shock to see men's eyes popping out of their heads at the sight of a young togruta prancing around battlefields in a tube top and skirt.

Of course- at the time- Ahsoka thought it was merely her skills with a lightsaber that caught their attention. Now, she'd learnt that her abilities as a Commander and Jedi would only get her so far. Before any event in the Senate, Ahsoka had a personal checklist that went beyond what was expected of her Master.

Pick a dress that covered her shoulders. Never touch her lekku in front of any man. Try to not bend at the waist. Speak without an accent. Know where Padmé is at all times to have a safe place to retreat to. The list went on.

It was slightly intimidating at first- to be seen as a young Togruta female before a competent Jedi Commander. Ahsoka did everything she could to blend in. She found friends in the few females she had contact with- like Senator Amidala and Master Secura- but ultimately, she was forced to get used to men.

It wasn't as bad as she expected. The clones- for the most part- were respectful, and Anakin wouldn't let anyone look at his student the wrong way. After a few months turned into a year, Ahsoka couldn't understand why she had been so worried.

Sure, some men were real pains, like Tarkin and the clone who was removed from the 501st- who had Ahsoka choking up whenever she thought of him. Generally though, Ahsoka didn't mind men so much once she got used to them.

Then, Zygerria happened, and everything she thought she knew about men changed.

Anakin didn't say anything, but he knew not to touch Ahsoka's shoulder when she wasn't expecting it- especially if she was having a nightmare. Kix and Coric always scanned her methodically- checking for long-lasting damage- even though the wounds were more mental than physical. When she did have a new injury, they used the most professional touch- examining her in the curtained cubicles rather than the private rooms usually reserved for officers.

Healing was a difficult process. Anakin- being, well, Anakin- would never breach the subject out loud, so Obi-Wan was forced to. He organised her to meet with a Mind Healer, but it was a futile effort, because the Jedi Knight was a male, and therefore, Ahsoka couldn't bring herself to talk about how she felt.

"She's scared of the men," she overheard Anakin saying to Obi-Wan in the living area of their quarters one night. He thought she was asleep. "And me."

"She needs time to trust again." Obi-Wan reminded his former student, "She obviously feels threatened by male presences right now, Anakin. She won't even look Master Plo in the eye."

Anakin sighed- exasperated. "She needs to learn that not all men are like those slavers."

Not all men. Those words made her skin itch. Not all men, he said, because there was no way he could ever understand. Of course, not every man she'd ever met had hurt her, and yet there's millions of Atais in the universe and Ahsoka didn't want to take any chances.

How could Anakin not see that to her, interacting with men had become a deadly game of roulette, and she couldn't afford to get her brains shot out? How could he not see the blaster that was constantly pressed to her head?

Don't stumble over her words. Don't giggle- they'll think she's flirting. Don't tell them where she lives. Don't tease. Don't let them follow her home. Don't ignore them. Don't shut them down too harshly.

It became harder to joke around with the men, and talk to Rex, and not freeze when Fives clapped her on the shoulder. After all, how could the clones make her feel like she was one of them, after Atai made her feel like the only place she was worthy was when she was on her knees-

Inhaling sharply, Ahsoka shook her head. She slowly came to, remembering that she had been taking Lux Bonteri back to Coruscant for amnesty. Anakin had given her a funny look when she'd told him that- probably because he thought she didn't want anything to do with strange men.

Lux was different. He was kind, polite, and well-spoken. Despite his position as a Separatist, Ahsoka somehow found herself attracted to him. It was against the Code to be attached- she knew that- but his green eyes made her heart flutter, and Ahsoka didn't feel like she was breaking any rules when the pair exchanged subtle glances and hushed conversation during her last trip to Raxus.

She snapped back to reality, sitting up in the pilot's chair and blinking hazily. She frowned at the mask of white outside the ship- where were they? Did they crash? If they did, where was Lux?

Her fears heightened when she found her lightsabers weren't on her person. She saw Lux standing outside, and quickly ordered R2 to look around for her lost weapons- assuming they had been hidden.

Things went from bad to worse when she stepped outside and Mandalorian terrorists descended from the sky, surrounding her and Lux who's only words were: you should have stayed on the ship.

The ancient Mandalorians were known as many things. Most notably, they were known as warriors. Vicious, violent, and merciless; the Mandalorians used to be a great enemy of the Jedi, and they spread fear throughout the galaxy.

Ahsoka wasn't pleased to find herself facing the ancient Mandalorians with only Lux Bonteri, the son of a Separatist Senator, at her back.

"Hey, kid," the female leader greeted with a sneer, "you're late."

"Death Watch," Ahsoka snarled- only to Lux.

When the woman- Bo-Katan, Ahsoka later found out- asked who she was, the Padawan panicked. The visors of the Mandalorian men were dark, and she instinctively knew that they would try to take advantage of a young, single woman.

Bo-Katan, on the other hand, looked somewhat trustworthy. She was a female- after all.

"I'm his… betrothed." She stuttered out, the words burning her throat.

"Betrothed?" She stepped forward and took Ahsoka's chin. She scoffed in her helmet, "Little skinny, isn't she?"

Her comment had steam rise in the back of Ahsoka's throat, and before she could fully process the words, the sting of a hand hitting her rear had her gasping and sailing forwards. If it weren't for her reflexes, she would've gone face first into the snow.

Chuckles reached her ears as the other Mandalorians were entertained at watching their leader assault another woman. Ahsoka wasn't sure who she was angrier at; herself for not fighting back, Bo-Katan for having the nerve to touch her, the Mandalorians who laughed, or Lux Bon-kriffing-teri for bringing her here.

Mostly though, she just felt sick.

She could feel Bo-Katan's hand on her, and so soon after Zygerria, Ahsoka felt close to breaking point.

"She serves her purpose." Lux said when Ahsoka raised her fists in defence.

They forced them onto speeders to return to camp. The man who Ahsoka held onto for the journey made a snide comment that she could've done better than Lux- and he was available as a bed warmer if she got too cold.

Ahsoka had never felt closer to gouging out her own montrals.

/

"Don't ruin my plan, okay?" Lux said harshly once they entered the tent where the boss was going to meet them.

"Plan?" Ahsoka frowned, "What plan?"

Lux whirled around and pointed to his wrist, "This is a holo-trace device. It can identify the origin of any holo transmission."

Ahsoka pressed her lips together, resisting the urge to remind Lux that she was a military Commander who knew exactly what a holo-trace device could do. It was like everytime the men repeated protocols and commands to her. One of them once tried to correct her lightsaber form, and even Rex stepped in and called the trooper out for insubordination.

"I knew if I accused Dooku of murder, I would be brought to face him," Lux carries on- as if he's the brightest star in the universe. "Well, it worked, and I now know Dooku's exact location. If Death Watch moves fast enough, they can destroy him."

An image surfaces in Ahsoka's head. The 501st boys chuckling amongst themselves- and some cooing- as Ahsoka once told them how she wanted to save the galaxy from the Separatists.

"You're a pure one, kid," Rex had said, patting her montrals gently, "Don't let anyone change that."

Lux hugely reminded her of her younger self, and Force, had she once been that annoying?

He suddenly grabbed her shoulders, leaning closer, and Ahsoka had to swallow the instinct to shove him away- almost smelling Tuk'ata's breath. "Is that enough of a plan for you?"

"This is not some idealistic political group." Ahsoka told him, shrugging out from under his hands. They were cold, and reminded her of Atai. "They will take the information and kill you."

Lux rolled his eyes, and Ahsoka wondered if she could hold back from slapping him. In the GAR, an eye roll was a direct sign of disrespect- a gesture that she often found herself doing, nonetheless.

"I knew you wouldn't understand," Lux huffed like a teenager.

"The Death Watch are murderers- sworn to destroy Jedi!" Ahsoka felt her volume rising, but she didn't care. How could he not see how stupid this plan was? "You don't know what you're doing. This-"

She felt a Force-signature behind her, but before she could turn, Lux made an incredibly reckless decision to grab her once more, and send his lips crashing into hers before she could stop him.

Ahsoka had to swallow a shout of surprise as his lips covered hers- there was a cling as his front teeth hit hers. It was rough and messy, and not at all how she expected her first kiss to be like.

Padmé had shown her a holofilm once- a romantic one- where she saw a man and woman kiss. Of course, growing up in the Temple meant Ahsoka was never exposed to romantic affection, so all she had was these two actors- both perfectly desirable- snogging in the rain after years apart.

Now, she had this.

A Senator's son with an ego several times larger than his body, pressing his lips to hers in a desperate attempt to shut her up. She could hear Atai's low laughter in the back of her skull.

Bet you wish you stayed on Zygerria, little skug.

Anakin never exactly encouraged Ahsoka to go out and experiment, but he made her promise to remember she always had a choice to back out of something. Where was her choice now?

Ahsoka didn't know what to do. Lux pushed forwards, forcing her to lean backwards as her hands scrambled for grip on his clothes.

"Am I interrupting something?" A gruff voice asked from behind them, and Ahsoka felt embarrassment flood the stripes in her lekku- turning them black. It was good that they were still hidden beneath her hood.

Lux relented for a fraction of a second and Ahsoka took her chance, pushing him off to release the seal of their lips. She stumbled backwards- her thoughts in disarray. To think she started the day by thinking he was some dreamy crush, and now, she didn't want to be in the same room as him.

/

"I'm nearly done," Anakin said softly, holding Ahsoka's arm tightly- despite her squirming- as he cleaned the blaster wound on her elbow. It was a close miss. "Just hold still a moment longer, Snips."

She sighed, rubbing her eyes with her free hand. Sleep had evaded her since Lux jetted off in an escape pod. She felt a bit betrayed- in a way. After dragging her to Carlac to deal with the Death Watch, he just left.

"I never trusted that kid." Anakin muttered- listening into her thoughts. Ahsoka tightened her shields subconsciously. "Once a Sep, always a Sep."

She hummed without really agreeing, glancing at the bacta patch on her arm when Anakin let go. He sat back on his heels and sighed, "Something else on your mind?"

"Not really; I'm just tired." It was partially true. In the four hours that she'd been back on Coruscant, most of that time had been spent answering the Council's interrogative questions. Thankfully, Padmé spoke to them beforehand, so they weren't mad- just intrigued about the Death Watch.

But, that wasn't all.

Ahsoka would be lying if Lux's actions on Carlac weren't haunting her. He kissed her without permission. It was only something small- she should just forget about it- and yet a question keeps arising in her mind.

If he was willing to kiss her to seal the deal with the Death Watch, what else would he have been willing to do?

The possible answers brought tears to her eyes, and she felt like she was in the mess hall again- wanting nothing but to forget Atai's words and actions. Anakin made her feel safe that day- and he would do the same now. He would help her.

"H-He knocked me out-" Ahsoka started after a few moments of quiet, "with a hand taser… I know nothing happened, but-"

"Ahsoka…" Anakin rested a hand on her own- his tone somewhere between frustrated and concerned, "I think you're getting a bit paranoid about all this. Not everyone in the universe is trying to take advantage of you."

"I know." She bowed her head- ashamed of her fears. It was ridiculous to think everyone wanted to hurt her in some way.

It was ridiculous, but it was such a hard thought to get out of her head. The galaxy saw her as something to be won, something to touch or leer at. Even Lux Bonteri- who she adored so much- saw her that way.

She serves her purpose.

Those words probably meant nothing to him- they were just part of a throwaway comment that he couldn't care less about.

Not to Ahsoka. To her, his words were sharp daggers, piercing through her already wounded skin; they were a death sentence to the tiny hope she had left that people respected her.

She had been violated, and he saw that as all she was worth.

She was tired of being seen that way. It weighed on her everyday, like a chip on her shoulder no one could ever remove.

Maybe Anakin was right, maybe she was just being paranoid, but after so many unwanted hands had met her skin, she didn't know how to stop.

/

Like everything else that had happened, Ahsoka tried to forget and move on. She laughed when Jesse jokingly said he could kiss her after she fixed his blaster, and she laughed harder when Rex promised to break his jaw if he tried.

She went about her classes, and a few missions, always wondering if she and Lux would cross paths, but never hoping on it. She wasn't sure if she wanted to see him again.

It was a month after she woke up on Carlac- on an outing with Padmé- that his name got brought up again.

"So, you and Mr Bonteri…" Padmé started- as casually as asking about the weather, "What missing details are there in regards to your trip to Carlac?"

Ahsoka looked up from her glass of fizzy-pop, paling. What did Padmé know? How could she have found out? Ahsoka didn't tell anyone about the kiss and-

"Come on, Ahsoka," Padmé leaned closer, unaware of the panic bubbling beneath the Togruta's mask, "Don't tell me you don't have a crush on Lux?"

She exhaled relief like it was her last breath.

"I'm a Jedi, Padmé," Ahsoka said, maintaining a cool expression as she picked at one of the tea cakes on her plate. It was a warm day on Coruscant- nothing like the cold Death Watch camp that she'd escaped from a month before.

"So?" Padmé grinned, "You and I are both women, and having control of the Force can't stop you from feeling the same things that I feel."

Ahsoka could've chuckled. Besides Padmé's obvious affection for Anakin, she was far too independent and outspoken for any man to handle. She would never need a man in her life.

"I don't like Lux," Ahsoka said bluntly, before dipping her head. "He was alright in the beginning, but after dragging me to Carlac and then ditching me to travel here alone," she shrugged, "He expected me to just adapt to his circumstances."

"Hey," Padmé nudged her arm gently, "I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you. All men are like that."

"I guess," Ahsoka huffed out a breath, trying to forget the forced lips on hers and the hands clutching her parka- keeping her close to his chest. "He was too forward for my liking."

"That's not necessarily a bad thing." Padmé smiled gently, a fond look in her eyes, "It's a sign of a confident man."

Too confident, Ahsoka thought to herself. It became clear from that conversation that no one was on her side about this. Anakin seemed to think that she was just being paranoid, and Padmé thought she was overreacting.

Ahsoka? Well, Ahsoka didn't know what to think anymore, so she just tried not to.

She drowned herself in her studies and training, desperate to focus on anything other than what had happened to her. For a while it worked. She could keep her nose in a holobook and her boots in a dojo and she'd be okay.

Sure, there were still bad nights- sleepless nights where she would lay awake spiraling down the memories of being touched and degraded until she was near panicking- but for the most part, she was able to forget.

That was, until Obi-Wan died and Anakin dragged her across the galaxy to find the bounty hunters who killed him. That's when the nightmare started back up again.

Thank you all so, so much for reading! I love you lots!