"Yes, yes, have your mother pray for him. Thanks, honey." Olivia thanked her lucky stars for such an understanding and compassionate nanny for Noah. Mike Dodds was fighting for his life on the operating table and her head was spinning, but at the very least, she didn't have to worry about the welfare of her son.
"Liv, I got here as quick as I could." Ed appeared before her with concern written all over his face. "He still in surgery?"
"He's alive. We'll take that."
"You all right?" She wanted to bury herself in his arms, but held back, wary that they were surrounded by fellow cops, not all of whom knew they were dating. It took all her strength not to cry as she related how she'd left Dodds alone in the Munson house, but Ed's gentle tone was like a healing balm.
"You alright? You need anything? Something to eat; maybe a coffee?" The clingy, over-protective Ed she'd grown annoyed with over the last month was precisely the Ed she needed in this very moment. The events of the last few hours now felt like a blur, and he gripped her trembling hands, steadying them.
"Just be here," she managed, eyes and tone imploring.
"I'm not going anywhere." They were inches apart. He wanted to kiss her so badly, but they were interrupted by William Dodds.
"His fiancee's flying in. LaGuardia."
"I'll have Aviation pick her up." Ed raced down the hallway to make the call. It seemed like the situation was under control - Mike was hanging on, his father was getting the rest of the family to the hospital, Ed was there for moral support - but she wouldn't let her mind settle until she was sure Mike was going to be alright. Dodds Sr. raced around the waiting room in typical police chief-style, but she knew too well that he was behaving exactly how she would in a crisis - lean on her detective instincts until she caved.
God, she wasn't sure how she'd live with herself if Mike didn't make it. Her eyes were damp with unshed tears, but she refused to break down.
I should have let Dodds walk the kids out to the car.
She knew that it was all she would be able to think about for the next few hours.
With Mike doing well, his father by his bedside, and Alice on her way from LaGuardia, everyone heaved a collective sigh of relief and let the energy in the hospital calm down after a restless, frantic night. By the time Olivia fell asleep on Ed's shoulder on the waiting room couch, golden sunlight was illuminating the room.
Ed felt her chest rise and fall against him, grateful that she was getting some rest after having one hell of a day, and quietly caught up on emails on his phone. Even though she was asleep, he could see the tension and fear written all over her face, and his heart ached for her. It didn't look like he'd be reporting to work at IAB that day. He deliberated if he should run to the cafeteria to get breakfast for himself and Olivia just in case things got hectic again, but hesitated when he heard the voices of Amanda Rollins and Sonny Carisi in the hallway.
"Hey. Facial recognition unit got a hit on the guy that threatened Barba."
Barba. Ed's senses were on fire hearing the ADA's name. He almost shot up in his seat, but quickly stopped himself before waking his sleeping girlfriend, and listened intently to their conversation. Amanda and Sonny were careful to keep their volume down, but their voices still reverberated in the early morning silence of the hallway.
"Please tell me he's not a CO..." He could hear the panic in Carisi's voice. It made sense - he and Barba were close.
"No, it's Felipe Heredio. He's a lieutenant in BX9."
Gang-related stuff. Looks like Liv was right - these threats are serious.
"We put his brother away a couple of years ago for gang rape."
"His brother - so it's personal," Carisi deduced. "Wait, we should tell the Lieutenant."
Ugh, Ed muttered under his breath. He really didn't want them to wake Olivia from her much-needed slumber. Or have her get all worked up about the threats, he admitted to himself. The junior detectives were perfectly capable of handling it, and although he tried his best to understand that it was Olivia's job to oversee the investigation, the thought of her losing sleep over Barba's safety still made his blood boil, especially when she was dealing with so much as it was. It was difficult for him to be rational when the line between her police work and romantic life suddenly felt so much blurrier than before in light of these threats.
Amanda and Sonny emerged in the waiting room from around the corner and stopped dead in their tracks when they saw their boss asleep on Tucker's shoulder. Had this been an ordinary day - not like he'd ever seen her asleep before - Sonny would have woken her up reluctantly, but the look on Tucker's face made him hesitate. He hadn't realised that the IAB captain was in the waiting room with his lieutenant. Surely he must've heard them discuss the threats against Barba in the hallway - and was that anger in his eyes? It didn't last for long though; Tucker turned his eyes back to his phone like he hadn't noticed them at all.
"Uhhh..." Sonny stammered nervously. "Captain, we need to talk to our lieutenant." He quickly looked to Amanda for guidance. Help me out here, he mouthed.
"We've got a new lead on the threats against ADA Barba that Liv... I mean, Lieutenant... needs to see." Amanda clarified calmly, although Sonny didn't miss the hint of snark in her voice.
"Can it wait?" he asked in an impatient whisper. "She just fell asleep."
"Sorry, Captain, but it can't, " Sonny replied.
Ed eyed the detectives skeptically. "Aren't you two the ones handling the threats against Barba? Why get Liv involved?"
"There was a major development yesterday when she and Dodds were in the Munson house, and we really have to bring her up to speed now," Amanda said firmly, barely suppressing an eye roll, while Sonny stared at Ed quizzically. Why is Tucker being so difficult about this? Sonny wondered. He and Amanda had gossiped casually about Ed's newfound habit of appearing at the precinct very often, and now he was wondering if it was related to his current foul mood.
"Fine," he snapped. "Make it quick."
"Thank you." Sonny and Amanda waited in the hallway while a clearly disgruntled Ed woke Olivia from her nap.
"You notice that?" Amanda whispered.
"Maybe he's just tired," Sonny reasoned half-heartedly. Amanda didn't think that Ed was "just tired" - was he still having some beef with Barba after the investigation? - but this wasn't the time or place to mull on it further.
"What do we have now?" Olivia rubbed her sleepy eyes and made a point to lead them away from the waiting room, where they were promptly joined by Fin.
Amanda handed Olivia the iPad, on which displayed a screen-grab from the elevator security camera, and watched Olivia's face fall as she filled her in. "While you were at the Munson house yesterday, someone threatened Barba in the courthouse elevator, and he called us right after. That was the situation we were dealing with when we called. Unis pulled security footage. Barba said it's the same guy from the courthouse steps. Facial recognition came through - his name is Felipe Heredio. BX9 lieutenant. Barba put his brother away for rape."
"This guy threatened to kill Barba again?" Any remnants of slumber fled Olivia's body when she peered at the photo of the man and Rafael in the elevator. The image was slightly grainy, but she could clearly make out the worry and fear on Rafael's face. Rafael had been threatened again? She almost lashed out at Amanda and Sonny for waiting so long to tell her, but there was no point losing her cool - the Munson house debacle rightfully took all her attention until that point, and the last thing she wanted was to make a scene when Ed probably was eavesdropping from the waiting room. "Where's Barba now?"
"We got the counselor a security detail over his objections. They're with him 24/7 now."
Thank goodness Rafael hadn't been stubborn enough to reject a security detail. It eased her mind slightly. "We have a last known for Felipe?"
Thank goodness, she thought, when Amanda informed her that they had Heredio's address and could pick him up. Olivia sent them on their way after making them promise to wear their vests, and was about to head back into the waiting room to join a visibly annoyed Ed, but decided on impulse to fire off a quick text to Rafael.
Rafael - Rollins and Carisi told me about what happened at the courthouse yesterday. They're going to pick up Heredio now. How are you holding up? Let me know if you need anything.
It wasn't even 7am and he probably wasn't going to see her text for a couple hours more, but she didn't want him to think that they'd abandoned him. She hoped he was doing alright in his apartment.
"Hey, everything alright?" Ed asked when she reappeared in the waiting room. "What was that about?" His tone was friendly, but his eyes were cold and questioning.
She took her seat next to him and folded her arms defensively. "Same guy threatened Barba again yesterday. Got a hit with facial recognition. Officers are on his block now."
"Good, good," Ed nodded, although his insincerity was as clear as day. "Liv, let your squad handle this. You have enough on your plate," he added sternly.
"Ed, now is not the time to have a discussion about that," she fired back. Thankfully, the rest of the waiting room was empty. "Just let me do my job. I'm going to lose my mind with worry if I sit here all day."
Ed recoiled seeing the frustration in her eyes. "Sorry, Liv. Do you want to get some more sleep?"
"No," she snapped. "I'm going to get some coffee." She stormed off without another word and Ed made no attempt to follow her. The whiplash was thoroughly frustrating to her - Ed vacillated wildly between being the sweetest man on the planet and looking like he wanted to beat Barba up, even if just for a split-second, whenever she did as much as bring Rafael's name up in a work context. This wasn't the way she wanted to work on her relationship with Ed; not when she had to resist the temptation to roll her eyes or snap at him half the time.
But the hospital wasn't the right place to bring this issue up; she'd have to wait until Mike was released and things settled down. God damn, the last few weeks just hadn't afforded her any time to slow down and actually address any of her personal issues. She ignored the nagging temptation to admonish herself again for sleeping with Rafael and dragging Ed into this mess; it was too late for that now. All she wanted was a break.
Rafael rolled over in bed and gasped when he realised it was 8am. Thank goodness he didn't have to be in court, because he definitely was running late for work. He grunted and reached for his phone, which was charging on his nightstand. A text about his escort to work, a few emails from Jack McCoy about the threats and re-assigning some of his caseload to another ADA until the situation settled down, and a much-welcomed message from Rollins with an update on the elevator threat.
Facial recognition came back with a hit this morning. Felipe Heredio, BX9. You put his brother away for rape a couple of years back. We're on it now.
Rafael shuddered. So it wasn't related to the Munson case after all, which seemed like a small victory until it sank in that it actually was even worse. BX9, with their vast resources and appetite for vengeance, was probably the worst enemy anyone could possibly have. He desperately hoped that Rollins, Fin and Carisi were going to nab Heredio. And even if they picked up Heredio, they'd still have to check if he was acting alone or who'd paid him, which probably meant getting the Gang Unit involved. And how was he going to tell his mother about all this?
In his blind panic, he almost missed a new message from Olivia.
Rafael - Rollins and Carisi told me about what happened at the courthouse yesterday. They're going to pick up Heredio now. How are you holding up? Let me know if you need anything.
He couldn't help but smile hearing from her, and some tension fled his body. This was the most normal their working relationship had felt since the night they'd slept together, and in a world that was quickly turning to shit, it was nice to have her in his corner.
I'm good, Liv. Thanks for helping me with this. I'll come by the hospital to see Dodds later. How are you holding up?
Rafael wasn't quite sure whether or not to expect a reply, but his phone buzzed again as he got into the squad car to be escorted to work.
Honestly, not too great. Dodds' condition took a sudden turn for the worse. We're waiting to hear from the doctors now. Doesn't look good.
And then a follow-up message.
Be careful, okay?
I will, Liv. You take care too.
Unfortunately, his brief exchange with Olivia was the only bright spot that day. Rafael arrived at the hospital to a flood of tears in the waiting room. She looked at him with red, blotchy eyes and he instantly knew what that meant.
Dodds didn't make it.
Office politics, open cases and any ongoing romantic tension took a backseat for a few solemn hours. Rafael sat with the squad and Ed in the waiting room in a mournful silence, struggling to accept that Mike was gone. William Dodds and Alice were almost inconsolable, and their pained sobs pierced all their hearts. His last day at SVU, and he hadn't made it out alive.
Rafael rarely cried, especially in front of his co-workers - it was a skill he was forced to learn at a young age, growing up in a home with a volatile and violent father who hated any sign of weakness Rafael showed. But he let tears stream down his cheeks when he saw William Dodds, shirt still covered in his son's blood, crumple into a heap on the waiting room floor when Mike's younger brother arrived. He turned to Olivia, who stared blankly at the floor while she wiped her swollen and tear-stained eyes, Ed Tucker's hand resting on her shoulder.
She looked up and met Rafael's concerned gaze, pain-filled brown eyes begging for an embrace from him. They couldn't do that with Ed in the room, but he knew that she wanted his comfort just as much as he did, and that fleeting affinity made them both just a little bit stronger.
"We are gathered here today to celebrate the life of Sergeant Michael Dodds..."
The air in the cavernous chapel was sombre and mellow. Rafael stared at the blown-up portrait of Mike Dodds and felt tears sting his eyes for the umpteenth time in the last 24 hours as the police band played the final bars of Amazing Grace. He hadn't known Mike Dodds that long, but his interactions with the sergeant had been pleasant, and he'd brought a nice calm energy to the often-frantic squad room. Not long ago he'd been standing next to Mike in the precinct, and now he was attending his funeral.
Olivia was seated a few feet away from him, looking dignified in her uniform, but her eyes glistened with remorseful tears. He couldn't help but notice her grab Ed's hand for support in a rare display of public affection when the usually-stoic William Dodds stepped up to the podium to deliver one of the most emotional speeches they'd ever seen, and the tears that streamed down her face all through the rest of the ceremony. Heredio and BX9 immediately went to the back of Rafael's mind: he was rattled, of course, but he still had his life while Dodds didn't, and he was grateful to be alive.
But the realities of mortality continued to sink in all through the service. It wasn't even that long ago that he'd witnessed the terrifying courtroom shooting that put Nick Amaro out of service, wounded Judge Barth, and killed a CO (and Johnny D, although no one mourned him). Sometimes he could still smell the blood when he closed his eyes, and the suit he'd been wearing that day still had the faintest hint of a brown stain even after 3 trips to the dry cleaners'. What if it had been Amanda, or Sonny, or Fin, or God forbid, Olivia, in Mike Dodds' position? Alice was so distraught that she could barely get through her speech, and Rafael allowed himself to imagine the grim possibility of someone - whether it was Ed, Brian Cassidy, or at a stretch, himself - delivering that exact same speech as they mourned Olivia Benson.
He'd been working with cops for a long time, but never had he been so close to this much bloodshed and loss. Rafael typically wasn't the morbid type, but it was impossible not to realise that close shaves were awfully common for the Manhattan SVU squad. William Lewis. Johnny D. The townhouse incident. BX9. And now this. All those incidents had left him and the squad shaken enough, but the reality of actually losing someone hit Rafael hard. How many times was Olivia a hair's breadth away from losing her life, and would he be able to live with himself if she did before they sorted out whatever was going on between them? He remembered her pained, troubled eyes from the hospital waiting room, and wished he could embrace her like Ed Tucker probably did behind closed doors.
His pensive mood continued all the way to the drinks reception at Mike's favourite bar. The squad gathered around the bar, trading light-hearted stories about the sergeant's time at SVU. Olivia laughed along, but he could see the deep sadness and melancholy in her brown eyes - pain, hurt, self-blame, guilt.
Are you okay? he mouthed to her a couple of times, to which she stared back wordlessly. Of course she was saddened by Dodds' death - they all were - but he suspected that there was something else weighing on her mind.
Sonny pulled Rafael aside while they all got refills on their drinks. "Counselor, just so you know, we haven't arrested Heredio yet, but we have units posted on his block."
Rafael looked around at the bar of uniformed police officers and realised he didn't have a thing to worry about. Being able to let his guard down in a large crowd was extremely liberating. "I'm not worried. Not in here," he smiled.
"The unis are on his block and the neighbours think that he'll be back soon. We're hoping to pick him up later today. Once he's been processed, you can head to the precinct to ID him. We'll keep the security detail on you for the time being."
"Thank you for getting all this sorted for me, Carisi." They clinked their glasses and Rafael dipped his voice. "Carisi, I'm just wondering... what happened when Liv and Dodds were in the Munson house?"
Sonny looked around to make sure that no one was eavesdropping and whispered, "Lisa Munson called Liv for a clothes job, and she and Dodds responded. Liv brought the kids out to the car, and Gary Munson suddenly pulled a gun on Lisa and Dodds and held them in the house. Before ESU and Liv could deescalate, Munson shot Dodds."
"Good God," Rafael gasped.
"Liv's been beating herself up for leaving Dodds alone in there. She keeps saying that she should have let Dodds bring the kids to the car. They didn't realise Munson had another gun in the house. It's been real hard for her."
Dios. That explained things. Rafael turned around to look for Olivia, but realised that she was gone. He scanned the room for her and found her sitting at William Dodds' table, engrossed in conversation - he didn't want to interrupt, so he and Sonny resumed their conversation with Fin and Amanda, but the new information weighed on his mind for the rest of the reception. Olivia was her own harshest critic, which was something she and Rafael had in common, and it was as though her pained eyes now had physical weight, silently crushing him.
He caught sight of her again as they were about to leave the bar. With Ed in the bathroom, Olivia seized the opportunity to approach Rafael, who was putting his jacket on and wondering if he should talk to her as well. She'd noticed his concerned glances but hadn't had a chance to talk to him all day, and if her intuition was right, Rafael had correctly guessed that she was taking Dodds' death especially hard.
"Rafael... how are you holding up? I'm sorry we haven't talked - about the threats and all..." she started apologetically. It was their first proper, in-person conversation in what felt like ages, and her tongue suddenly felt like lead. His green eyes were filled with their usual intensity, but they made her feel strangely at home. She hated that it was these circumstances that finally got them talking again.
"I'm good, Liv." He smiled at her, which eased the tension slightly. "And it's fine; Carisi just told me that you'll nail Heredio soon. But enough about me. I should be the one asking you how you're doing," he said, his voice dipping to a gentle and concerned half-whisper.
She knew instantly from his tone that Sonny or Amanda had filled him in on what had happened at the Munson house. "I don't know, honestly. Sad, angry at myself, guilty..."
"Don't beat yourself up for it, Liv. You couldn't have known." Rafael almost put his hand on her shoulder, but stopped himself. He wasn't sure if their friendship had reached that stage of normalcy yet, which stung a little.
They had to wrap the conversation up when they realised that Ed was about to return from the bathroom. She felt a pang of annoyance realising this - she didn't want to step on Ed's toes after she'd betrayed him, but it'd been about a month and this dance around Rafael and Ed just seemed unsustainable. Until she had a chance to talk to Ed about this, however, she had to settle for a quick smile at her friend. "Take care of yourself, okay?"
"I will, Liv. You take care of yourself, too."
With one last smile, he put his suit jacket back on and walked out the door, where a uniformed officer was waiting - a grim reminder that the mortality of more than one of her co-workers was on her mind that day.
Ed re-appeared by her side right after Rafael left."Liv, you ready to head back? Noah should be home with Lucy by now."
She was about to let Ed drive her home, but hesitated when she saw his parked car outside. "Actually... I think I'll make my own way home today."
He frowned at her. "You sure you'll be alright?"
"Yeah, I'm sure."
"I'll call you later." She could tell that Ed wasn't convinced, but didn't care enough to convince him otherwise. There was too much loss hanging in the air, and all she wanted was a peaceful, silent Uber ride home and evening alone with her son.
Barba identified Heredio. Still don't know who called the shot, but Gang Unit's on that now. We'll keep the security detail on Barba until we're sure it's safe.
Thanks, Carisi. Take the rest of the evening off.
Olivia slipped her phone back into her pocket just as Ed approached with Noah. It wasn't over just yet, but nabbing Heredio was the first step, and she could breathe a little easier knowing that he was in a holding cell.
"Thanks for picking him up, Ed. Sorry for leaving so quickly after the reception yesterday."
Ed flashed her an understanding smile and placed Noah in Olivia's lap. The boy babbled excitedly seeing his mother and Olivia's spirits lifted instantly. All the stress of the day melted away when she had her son in her arms, so innocent and eyes untarnished by the horrors of the world.
"You seemed pretty upset yesterday. How are you doing, Liv?" Ed wrapped his arm around her shoulders and she leaned into him. They watched the dipping sun over the Hudson and she felt the walls she'd built start to crumble in Ed's arms.
"I just feel so exhausted."
"Probably better than numb," he offered.
"Oh, I feel that too," Olivia admitted sadly.
"I don't know how you're still standing after the last few days."
"The whole year, actually." She gently squeezed Noah's chubby cheek and couldn't help but smile seeing his delighted facial expression. "Well, lucky I got this guy to wake me up at 6am."
"Big dog!" Noah squealed. He pointed at an adorable dog that was passing them.
Olivia beamed. Maybe a dog was somewhere in their future. "Yeah, a doggie! That's right, a doggie." She turned to Ed, who had a peaceful smile on his face.
"You know... we have a good thing going here, the three of us."
She winced seeing how relaxed and content he looked. How was he like this even after what she'd done? "Even after...?" she asked quietly.
"Of course," he beamed. "I trust you, Olivia Margaret Benson. And this little guy, of course." He gently brushed Noah's hair out of his face and planted a soft kiss on her cheek.
There it was again - Ed being so sweet and encouraging, to the extent that she had a hard time believing him. But after the funeral, she didn't want to hear his platitudes anymore. He was shocked when she recoiled from his kiss. "Ed, I don't think you're being honest with me. I know you're not as fine as you claim to be."
The mood suddenly took a serious turn, and Olivia wondered if she'd gone too far. He sighed and stared at his lap. "I... it's not been easy, Liv. I want things between us to work, but..."
She cut him off, eyes not meeting his. "I heard what you said to Carisi and Rollins in the hospital waiting room that morning." She watched his face crumple with guilt. Obviously he hadn't realised she was awake and had heard his strong disdain for Rafael. "And it's not just that. Ed... I will always feel bad about cheating on you, and I still want to make it up to you. But I also need to do my job. Even if you don't trust me now, I still need to work with Barba, and we're going to have to find a way to be okay with that if we're going to make this work. I can't have you pretend like everything's okay with you, when I know it's not."
Ed didn't have to speak for her to know that he agreed. Relief washed over his face, like he'd been waiting for her to verbalise what he'd been feeling for over a month. "I get where you're coming from, Liv. To be honest, I still don't know how I feel about all this. But I know how important your job is to you, and the last thing I want to do is get in the way of that. You tell me what you want me to do, and I'll do that."
Olivia suppressed an exasperated sigh. "See, Ed, this is precisely the problem we're having now. You've done so much for me the last few weeks, and I'm so thankful that you've been so kind to me, but I don't deserve - or need - all that."
"Don't say that, Liv," he interjected, almost instinctively, but stopped when he realised that she was dead serious.
"This isn't us. What we're doing now isn't anything like us, Ed. The surprise visits to the precinct, taking me out to dinner three times a week... I know it's not my place to ask you this because I'm the one who messed up, but I don't think that pretending everything is normal - or turning this into a fluffy, romantic thing - is going to help us move on from this. Hold me accountable for what I did. But please don't put me on a pedestal to fill... whatever gaps there are in this relationship."
She turned to Ed, anxious about his reaction, and was relieved when he nodded sadly. "I get what you're saying, Liv. I guess I was just so afraid of losing you that I didn't really know what to do. I kept thinking - what does Rafael Barba have that I don't? I thought that being the perfect boyfriend would make up for it, but I don't think it's working."
"I know it's not you, Ed. I don't want a version of you that you think is perfect - I just want the real you. I need the real you."
He nodded silently.
"I think we won't figure this out in just one conversation. We'll need time to get there; to whatever we had before all this happened. If that's what you want."
"You're right. I want to make things right for us, Liv."
"Where do we even begin?" Truthfully, she didn't have much of a clue how to mend things between her and Ed - or if it'd even work if they tried - but she didn't want to decide for both of them. They had to agree on something, together.
"Maybe we need a fresh start."
"What are you thinking of?"
"Actually, I had an idea, but now that we're talking about this, I don't know if it's exactly the kind of "romantic" thing that we want to avoid now," he suggested nervously.
She balked at the idea of yet another romantic gesture, but could tell how hesitant Ed was bringing it up and decided not to make him feel any more guilty than he already looked. "Let's talk about it anyway. It may work."
He took a deep breath and took her hand in his. "So... it might be nice to get away for a while. Get out of the city, spend some time with just us and Noah, work on us. How do you feel about Paris?"
"Paris?" The last she'd thought of going to Paris was when she first met David Haden years ago. But that obviously hadn't worked out, and Brian Cassidy wasn't the type for romantic getaways either, so there hadn't been any chance to turn that dream into reality. Perhaps it was the fresh start that she and Ed needed - a chance for her to really think about her feelings for him. And with Noah around, the trip wouldn't feel as sickeningly romantic as she'd always imagined Paris to be. She had nothing against domestic travel or road-trips, but the prospect of being an ocean away from her problems suddenly sounded incredibly appealing.
"Yeah," Ed added. "I think some time away from New York would do us some good."
The more she thought about the idea, the more she liked it. "I'd like that."
"Great. We can talk about it more sometime." He took Noah's chubby arm in one hand and squeezed hers with the other. "I love you, Liv."
"I love you too, Ed." The guilt from her mistake still stung every time she said it. Did she really love Ed with all her heart when she still secretly wondered if she carried a torch for a certain ADA? But at the very least, she knew that there was time and space for her to figure that out, now that she and Ed were finally on a proper mend.
"Come on, let's not keep this little man waiting any longer." Ed flashed a cheeky grin at Noah, whose amused squeals made it clear that he hadn't understood any of his mother's exchange with her boyfriend. Olivia's heart leapt seeing Noah's delighted smile. Maybe this won't be so difficult after all, she thought. Seeing her son happy with the man she loved was more than enough to fill her with joy. She could give her relationship with Ed another chance for Noah's sake.
An idea suddenly popped into her head. "Why don't you come over tonight?" she suggested. "Get pizza, watch TV, eat the rest of my ice-cream, unwind after this awful week we've had... I just don't want to think about it all."
He beamed hearing that - after weeks of him calling the shots, her suggesting something that they both actually wanted to do was liberating for them both. "I'd love that, Liv."
Anxiety about her new normal with Ed now alleviated, Olivia luxuriated in her newfound contentment as they walked the length of the park, sun dipping behind them and troubles of the last few weeks growing increasingly distant. Sure, there was a lot that they had to do and many things that they needed to fix, but the fresh start they'd talked about didn't sound too bad.
The evening was precisely the relaxed one that she needed after a horrible week. For those blissful few hours she let her mind rest instead of wandering in every possible direction, and Ed was more than happy to enjoy a chilled-out, mindless date night. After their walk in the park, they'd retreated to her apartment, where they enjoyed a leisurely pizza dinner in the front of the couch and laughed at old episodes of The Office, despite neither of them having seen the show before. And she'd finally had sex with Ed again, after weeks of not being in the mood, and fallen asleep in his arms in their post-coital bliss. Things were the most peaceful and normal they'd been in many weeks.
"Carisi, what's up?" Olivia looked at the digital clock on her nightstand - 2:05 am. Conscious of Ed, who was sleeping soundly next to her, she lowered her voice and quickly stepped into the bathroom, not caring that she didn't have any clothes on.
"Sorry to call so late, Lieu, but we have a bit of a situation with Barba."
Her heart raced and she shut the door behind her. "What happened? Didn't we nab Heredio? Could these be the shot-callers?" Shit. So much for a relaxed evening, Olivia thought. The realisation that the situation was still not fully resolved made her nauseous - she'd been too caught up in the temporary sense of security she had from Heredio's arrest the day before.
"Security detail called and said that there was some suspicious activity around his apartment complex tonight. A couple of suspicious-looking men tried to enter the building - the doorman stopped them - and then tried to break in via the parking garage. Our guys gave chase, but they slipped away before we could grab them. Couple of shots fired, Liv. It's a miracle no one got hurt. We don't know what they were planning."
Olivia almost chastised Carisi for not updating her on the situation earlier, but it was the middle of the night and no one needed to make a volatile situation even worse. "Is Barba alright? Where does that leave us?"
"We're working on identifying the men with Gang Unit's help, but Threat Assessment recommended we move Barba to a secure hotel for a few days since the shot-callers definitely know where he lives. Fin and I are helping move him right now."
"Alright. Keep me posted."
Fuck, she cursed as she hung up. She'd already lost Mike Dodds. She couldn't lose Rafael, too.
Ed rolled over in bed with eyes half-shut when he felt her climb back in. "Liv, you okay?"
"I'm fine, babe. Let's go back to bed." She shut her eyes and rested in Ed's arms. Even his familiar and warm embrace didn't do much to quell her nerves, until Carisi texted back an hour later confirming that Rafael had been moved to a Midtown hotel safe and sound, with him and Fin keeping watch until the morning. A part of her wanted to jump out of bed and drive to check on Rafael right now, but she couldn't let her heart rule her head in a situation this risky, especially in the middle of the night. He was safe with Fin and Carisi, and there was absolutely no need to work herself - or Ed - up.
Perhaps Amanda and I can check on him tomorrow, she thought, remembering that it'd be best not to look him up alone. It was perfectly reasonable of her to check on a friend who'd just been threatened, right? She fell into an uncomfortable slumber contemplating that question, but her gut told her the answer.
Rafael woke up to a cacophony of traffic noise and sirens from the Midtown street below and morning sun streaming through the window. The bleached hotel sheets felt rough and scratchy beneath him, but it didn't matter. Fin and Sonny were right outside his door, and at least the hotel had extremely fast wi-fi and an extensive cable selection to pass the time. He'd gotten barely three hours of sleep after being kicked out of his condo at 2am, but Jack McCoy had been kind enough to reduce his workload and allow him to work remotely in light of the seriousness of the threats. Ordinarily Rafael would have protested, but these threats had proven themselves to be extremely unsettling, and he wasn't going to let his guard down until he knew for sure that it was safe for him to go back to work, especially after Mike's sudden passing. They knew where he lived!
Fin knocked on the door half an hour later. "Barba, hang tight. Carmen's going to bring you your briefcase and files later today. Don't worry about your meals - we'll have them sorted."
"Thanks." He was grateful for Fin and Sonny's watchful eyes outside, but collapsed back onto the bed, content to be alone with his thoughts for a while. As much as he despised the awful circumstances that had led to him being here, he desperately needed a break from the awful fortnight he'd just had. The Munson case, the threats, Dodds losing his life, the heartbreaking funeral... it was too much for him to swallow, on top of the existing drama in his personal life. The opening bars of Amazing Grace continued to haunt his nightmares.
How is Olivia feeling about all of this? Her strong, cool exterior always concealed a wealth of emotion. He yearned to see her - to talk to her like friends did, not vaguely friendly work acquaintances; to hug her and tell her that it wasn't her fault, that he was in her corner. In all the time they'd worked together, this was easily the worst week they'd both faced, and her absence weighed on his chest. Did she even know that he'd been moved to this hotel? Amanda or Sonny probably would have called her about it, but he wasn't counting on her coming to visit him. The last place they needed to be alone together was in a hotel room, and he didn't want to imagine what Ed would think if he found out.
Without any upcoming court dates or big cases, Rafael wasn't in much of a mood to look at anything even vaguely work-related. He tossed his phone on the nightstand and drifted back into a listless sleep.
Olivia worriedly stared at her chat with Rafael.
Rafael - Carisi told me you were moved to a hotel; are you doing alright?
He hadn't replied for over three hours, which was uncanny for the ADA. She didn't think she'd ever seen him without his phone, and surely there wasn't much else he could do in that hotel room. All morning she'd wondered if she should pay him a visit, but the uncertainty was eating away at her, and she now was feeling more sure about it.
"Amanda, I think we should check on Barba. You coming?" Olivia grabbed her keys and jacket and headed for the exit. "I'll drive."
"Sorry, Liv, but I think I'll have to pass. The sitter called and said that Jesse's having some stomach problems. Is it alright if I take a couple of hours off?"
"Sure. Go and check on her."
The blonde smiled appreciatively and Olivia wondered if she should postpone her visit after all. Fin and Sonny were getting some well-deserved rest after keeping watch on Rafael's room all night, and there was no one else she could ask to tag along.
I can't go there alone. Not to his hotel room.
It was a line she didn't want to cross, and she didn't think he'd want that either. She could always go with Fin and Sonny at another time. She could always call Rafael to check if he was doing alright. Maybe he'd overslept and would finally respond to her text message later. There were a million logical reasons not to go.
However, she laid eyes on the In Memoriam poster from Mike's funeral that now hung on the wall of the squad room and realised that sitting around in her office wasn't going to do her any good. She'd already lost one life that week, and the thought of losing another was too painful to imagine. Fuck the boundaries - she wasn't about to let her friend suffer and worry alone in his hotel room when his life was at risk. That thought stayed with her as she got into her car and sped off.
An hour later, she nodded at the officers stationed outside the door and tightened her grip on the paper bag of supplies she'd purchased on her way uptown - a bottle of scotch, one-pound bag of Trader Joe's pretzels (Rafael had made a habit of eating his way through the break room snack jars), and bagel from his favourite cart near the precinct. Had she overstepped with the food? It seemed perfectly reasonable when she was in the check-out line, but now that she was standing a few feet from him, she didn't know anymore. The skies had opened up shortly after she left the precinct, and she'd made the rookie mistake of leaving her umbrella in her office. Now she was dripping water all over the hallway carpet with her heart pounding in her chest. It'd be stupid to turn back now.
Olivia took a deep breath and knocked. There was no response, although she could hear his footsteps on the other side.
"Rafael, can I come in please?" she asked nervously. She wasn't sure if he could hear her.
Rafael rubbed his tired eyes and stared at her through the peephole and his heart raced. She'd braved the rain to look for him. She'd brought scotch (he'd recognise that packaging from a mile away). She was alone.
They both were hurting.
It was a dangerous combination.
That didn't stop him from opening the door.