Early October, 1915

Dear Diary,

I am such a burden. I am such a burden to Jesse. To Faith. To Fiona. To Rosemary. Elizabeth. Even Bill. I'm such...A pathetic burden.

To Rosemary I haven't been able to do much at work. I've even called off a few days because I can't move, I can't even think about a stitch without having a pounding headache. Not a single stitch.

To Elizabeth, she's asked me to help watch Jack from time to time while Laura takes more classes. She continues to do her studies the way she always has been, but she's taken a few more harder courses and on Friday's are the day she would need off. I've been fine with watching Little Jack... Until two weeks ago when I stopped because I couldn't do a single thing.

Fiona and Faith, or just one of each, have invited me out to do stuff. Drive around on a bike that Fiona had bought from someone a while back or have a picnic with Faith by the pond. Or go to one of the movies that Lucas has been offering the past couple of Saturdays. I don't want to go out...I just...

Bill has hung out with me a few times. Generally sitting on a bench outside soaking in the autumn sunshine and crispy fresh air. Neither of us speaking a word. He talks about whatever is happening in Hope Valley while I just sit there and do nothing... Just crave the sleep. The darken bedroom.

Jesse... I wouldn't be surprised if he wanted to divorce me. I rarely talk with him about anything in my life, his life or our life together. I don't make meals, just nibble here and there. I can't even remember the last time Jesse and I made love. Diary, when was the last time Jesse and I made love?

Why can't I be normal? Why can't I just be a normal... Why can't I go back to my-self? What is wrong with me? There is something wrong with me. I don't know what is wrong with me. But I... I am too scared. I can't tell anyone what is happening to me. Hope Valley is going to believe that I am insane. They might... I don't even know what they would do to me?

Diary, I am going to try and make at least two wrongs in this list, make into a right.

Dear Diary,

Yesterday I made the list of whom I've been a burden too. I wrote that I was going to make a wrong into a right.

That night I began to make love with Jesse...But I didn't like it. I continued, though, to make Jesse happy. He told me at some point the answer to my question. The last time we had made love was a few days before I found out he spent all the money into an investment. Which he FINALLY told me this morning what it was.

Lee and Jesse invested as much money as they could to buy the shop, so that Rosemary and I could eventually buy the dress shop ourselves and own it. They felt so guilty when someone else bought the shop, that they had to hire (at least Lee had to hire) and have the person track down who bought the dress shop from Dottie. Lee and Jesse found the man who bought it and went to him. The man had no intention of keeping it as a dress shop but rather turn it into a candy store. Lee brought out Rosemary a few days later to talk the man into giving Lee and Jesse the dress shop.

Rosemary's ability to speak business had made the man hand over the deed to Lee and Jesse to finally own.

I didn't believe him when he said there was a good reason... I'm such a bad wife.

The second wrong that I tried to turn into a right, that began a wrong, was to be with Faith and Fiona. I made dinner plans with them and planned to make a hot meal to bring over to Faith's home...

My three minute cat nap turned into Bill waking me up then telling me that it was too late for dinner as it was half past ten. He had come by on behalf of Fiona to make sure I was okay. I felt bad but I had to ask how the girls seemed. Bill assured me that neither of them were upset, they confused about why I made plans and then never showed up.

Guilt ate me alive.

I'm such a burden.