Cast Aside

by nktktktll

I got thrust into the 1970s by my Godfather who probably, on some level has to hate me. I mean, who sends someone to the past completely unprepared, with no warning, other than 'Don't be an idiot? Sirius Black, that's who! Anyway, I guess I gotta find Voldemort. See what I mean? It'd be nice if I had an idea of what to do or where to begin. Ugh.

6. Chapter 6

Dreams of everlasting ruin awaited me. Fragments of things that were lost. I felt pain. But how do you feel pain in a dream? Here and there, I felt it. Inbetween, there were these little pockets of pause. And then, elation. After elation, more dreams. Then, eyes. Eyes everywhere. Peering, leering, staring. Darkness. Blinking. Pain. I felt like something was wrong. I had this horrible, gut-wrenching feeling. I felt bad.

And then, I woke up. The dark hall that is the Hospital Wing greeted me steadily. Some light was there, but not much. It was dead quiet. There weren't many occupants alongside me, of course. Hogwarts wasn't that dangerous. For other people, anyway.

I grabbed the journal that Ron and Hermione smuggled in for me. It was piled amongst other things, namely get-well cards, candy, chocolates, what have you. And for some reason, I wanted broccoli. Steamed. Thinking about the soft florets melting in my mouth. What a weird thing to crave. And worse still, in the middle of the night. Where was my wand? I wanted to know what time it was. I swiped around for it on the bedside table. No, wait... Patients don't get their wands. "Fuck's sake," I swore quietly. I sighed and laid back in bed, looking up at the many different rays of moonlight cast on the ceiling. There were lots of windows in the Hospital Wing. Lots. The streams of blue light ran across the ceiling, blending with the whiteness in spots and edges. It reminded me of that damned Portkey. That Portkey and Bellatrix...

Bellatrix...

In what world is it possible to know a Death Eater? No, no, future Death Eater, as Dumbledore would probably say. Something like that. Here and now, she was different. Blah blah blah. It isn't my fault I have memories! I know these people. What they can become. What they did become! Why is it so unfair to get frustrated and anxious? When you know just how quickly something can happen? What if handing a spoon over, passing the potatoes, helping with homework or jeering at someone could all be turning points and we'd never know it? Such insignificant things, such unconscious gestures? It was absolutely horrible! Now, here, maybe, I was alone. I could think to myself in silence. But that's what got me here in the first place, isn't it? Thoughts are dangerous when you're alone, at night. They can ruin you. Speaking of ruin, I began to write the already fading dream in my mind. Dream or dreams? No, no, one in total, so dream. Once I finished and set the journal back where it was, my apparent lack of purpose reassured me all was well. My mind twisted things grotesquely. I began to wonder about all sorts of things. James, Sirius, Remus. Lily. Mom. Would they be together by now? Talking? No, it was only what? Fourth year? I know they got together late. Maybe by now, they'd be at least associating with each other. Was the Snape torture happening yet? From what I had heard from both Remus (hesitantly) and Sirius (begrudingly), it was a pretty common occurrence. And, finally, probably my most profound mistake. Bellatrix. What would she be doing, now, with no outside influence? Rather, what would she be doing with it? What exactly have I changed? I've never seen her laugh, except for the Patronus episode, and that wasn't much of a laugh, either. It was enough. She came here to stalk me. Does a member of the Black family usually stalk other people? She was a strange girl, that was sure. But she had caught my attention. Her face, her eyes. She had infiltrated my thoughts. She was in my head since day one. Why? I suppose because of what I was told. Shown? Prophecised? No, that thing showed me the past, too. And she saw, too. Much more than me, if she was able to learn how to maneuver and command the fucking thing. But if she knew all those things, she had to search herself. Hell, I basically told her it all. It didn't take much to figure out. Some guy nobody ever heard of, coming in and saying weird shite, doing all sorts of confusing shite? It screamed 'abnormal' to me. Maybe not time traveler, obviously, but it would be someone that knew something. Someone who wanted to enter the game of chess. Fun analogy, by the way. With almost any conversation involving Dumbledore and his motives, talk about pawns and a board crop up. Get a fucking different metaphor. Books exist. An encyclopedia? A dictionary? Come on. It was dreadful. Boring, really. All the same, it was undoubtedly true. I guess that's why she followed me. Can't have people snooping. But now I know her. And she knows me. It was scary. Unbelievably frightening. To say with confidence you know a person like that...

Even still, with Neville's parents, sitting locked away in some white room somewhere, not dissimilar to here, I suppose. It numbed me. Before now, I would have never known it possible to be numb and terrified simultaneously.

I want a life. I want a family. I want to not be the last of my line. If I can buck up and get it together, I might be able to do something with Voldemort. Fun fact, I heard that his moniker was some French thing. Did he like France? I'll send a postcard. But on how to deal with him? Dumbledore didn't tell me. There has to be more to it, if he's walking around in a different skin with no nose or hair. Also dreadful, that cauldron transformation. Absolutely. If he's out performing rituals with blood and bones, what else is he doing? If it was that simple, surely Dumbledore and the rest would have done something about him years back. So, what's keeping them? What is the stalemate?

And if Voldemort has such a trump card, what's he doing sitting on it? Is he out gathering his movement now, yet to begin the rituals and bother in Dark magics? He had to be. Otherwise, Bellatrix, the Lestranges, and many other newish students wouldn't have joined. His recruiting was still going on. He was bolstering his forces.

Nothing major would happen for some years. Not until I graduated. Mom and Dad would (hopefully) get together, or goodbye me. I had to ensure it. Had, had, had. Or no saving the world.

Something to put on the back burner.

Isn't it funny, I made a cooking reference? Because I know how to cook? From all the mornings of waking up at No. 4 Pri-

I'll stop now.

Have you ever napped or slept so long you couldn't get back to sleep anymore? You just laid there, tossing and turning, trying and trying. It was insufferable. Hermione crossed my mind at that. Oh, Hermione. No, wait! Ron and Hermione never dropped by. This wasn't my time! Fuck, who gave me my stuff? Who went through my shite?! Fuck, fuck, fuck...

And who had the Portkey?

"-Learning isn't just in the classroom. Learning is right now. Here with you. And right now, you'll have to excuse me if I'm a little shaken. Who are you to care about class, anyway?"

"Since Potions."

I clutched tighter. "I wish I never had that damn thing. I miss my friends."

"You have those dorks in Gryffindor. And me."

"And me."

"Since Potions."

"-Here with you..."

"If you want to know who Harry Potter is, you're gonna come out, you're gonna grab that wand, and you're gonna cast spells at me until they can't see that Dark curse if they check it.""Even I know that, and I'm a filthy Half-blood.""For fuck's sake, someone will see us,""Sorry, lost it.""What do you mean, you lost it?"

Maybe I changed with her.

"You have those dorks in Gryffindor. And me."

"Who are you to care about class, anyway?"

"Since Potions."

Grabbing the rail with my dominant hand, I got up slowly, gingerly. Like a coma patient. It was almost the same thing. Essentially. Slowly putting my feet on the cold floor, I put more and more pressure on it, trembling as I held onto the bed. I trembled, but stayed. More pressure. More weight. I was almost up, now. In this pathetic excuse for a gown. It was pretty embarrassing, but who was I to say anything? Nobody would be awake at this hour. It was time to change the future!

I fell a little bit as I let go. Not one of my fonder moments as I made that decision, but I recovered and managed to leave the Hospital Wing.

Hogwarts at night was spooky. Oh, so spooky. Oh, and cold. Very cold. It was stone, I guess. Still, magical Charms, anyone? But then again, most normal people actually covered their bodies with more than a paper-thin sheet. I refuse to call it a gown. Dungeons time! I made my way down, ignoring the hairy looks given to me by the portraits I passed. "Oi, you want a picture? You know, you lot look strange, too," I shot back at some of them. They really did. Fashion in those times was really something. Well, it wasn't even really fashion. More like survival. Kind of like what I was attempting to do now, just long-term and probably not a good idea in some shite sheet of paper.

With pain lancing up my leg with each step, I toiled with the idea of slowly moving or going quicker. The only thing I knew was that I couldn't stay in the Hospital Wing. If I was moving now, I had successfully proved I could indeed move. Therefore, fuck you. I am in good enough health. I can't squander my time sitting in a bed, waiting for those idiots to get a move on and concoct some worse idea. Being a Gryffindor for four years really makes you think about Slytherins. What do they do in their Common Room? What do they do with each other? Do they sneak out like we do? Well, I used to. I have more important shite to worry about, like that shiny ball from the future. Speaking of shiny balls from the future...

The dungeons were confusing, but I made my way down to Potions. A twist and a turn, and I knew the way there. The Common Room couldn't be far. After all, why would it be? It would be terrible design. I slipped behind some armored statue and hid, shrunk my figure as best I could, and waited. Would anyone even come by? Who would? I didn't even know what time it was. It could be five in the morning. Still, I waited. I waited. I waited. I waited long enough that the shadows from the higher windows began to move. The sun would be coming up soon. My time was running out. I heard a clinking. Clinking that turned into tapping. Tap. Tap. Tap. Muffled voices saying something I couldn't make out. Was I at the right spot? I saw a hint of green hidden by the dark stone. Someone was outside! Where was the portrait? Was there a portrait? It was different when Ron and I went through. Hmm... Where did that person come from...? I went in that direction, peering closely at the stone. There had to be a way in. I heard something open. I ran my hand across the wall, almost forgetting I didn't have my cloak on me. Fuck. This wasn't good. Had to be fast. Who was that? Maybe a Prefect? Can't let anyone see me. But how do you find girls in Slytherin House? Surely there had to be some precaution against it, like how you couldn't walk up the stairs to the Girls' Dormitory in Gryffindor Tower. It slid you back down, or threw you, or whatever worked that didn't injure you. Snape wasn't stupid. There had to be some sort of shield in place. There had to be. But I was getting ahead of myself. I had to get in, first. Concentrating on my fingertips, I ran my hand on the smooth dungeon walls. Smooth in places yet rough in others. Smooth, smooth, nothing. I tripped over my feet a little as I righted myself, the sudden displacement making my leg hurt. I hissed in some mild pain and turned back to glance where the wall had gone. Wait. Another corridor? No, this was considerably smaller. A hallway? A passage? A tunnel? Whatever you may want to call it, I hurriedly walked in, hoping I wouldn't be sealed in forever by what was definitely not there before. Not in all of my times in the dungeons had I ever seen anything even remotely like this place. I kept my hand on the wall once more. It was dark here. The small lanterns were spotty, placed here and there. They did nothing for the swallowing blackness. Is this what it was like to be down here at night? It was stuffy and cold. And depressing. Who would want to sleep here? The passage slowly evened out, and began to widen slightly. The stone felt ever so cold on my bare feet. I put all thoughts of my feet out of my mind before I overthought about it and gave myself cuts. This stone wasn't fun to walk on, believe it or not. Wanna try? Thought so. Although, I'm sure people do do it on occasion. There's probably something there in regards to First and Second Years. Well, hopefully. If I was Head of House, I'd put something in place. Again, Snape.

Before me was the Slytherin Common Room in all its glory. It was an intimidating sight, to be sure. Ron and I came here in Second Year. It wasn't fun then, either. But you'd probably know the stuff I did and do. At least, you would, if you didn't snoop through my fucking shite. STOP READING THIS!

It looked mostly similar, minus the very imposing figure it cut. There were different books in the bookcases. Maybe the glass in the giant windows was a different glass? Or perhaps the trim of it? There were just these minor changes, here and there, everywhere. Wait! Snape wasn't Head of House. Who was? Who was Potions Professor? Slughorn? Was Slughorn Head of House, too? It's hard to remember these things, you know. Maybe he'd be more lenient. "And... 30 Points to our Second Place winners, Mr. Harry Caldwell and Ms. Bellatrix Black!" Slughorn announced grandly. Bellatrix and I were shocked to say the least. I was hoping for First Place, honestly. She and I looked at each other. "We got Second Place, you arse. Do better next time," She chided me. But she had a weird expression as the class clapped for us.

Of course Peter won. He was a dab hand. There was never a competition. Who knew Pettigrew was so good at Potions? Is that why he did the ritual in the graveyard? I had to stop wondering about things. I wasn't in a good place right now. I had to find Bellatrix. There was the main room itself, with couches and sofas and tables and a little bookshelf. The giant window gave the room a greenish tint from the lake water. I don't think I'd want to be down here, personally. I would always think about that window collapsing or cracking. Scary. From the Common Room itself ran two separate hallways. Neither of them were marked. It was up to me to find out which was which. I chose the one on the right. That's usually the scheme that happens with boys and girls. Boys are blue and on the left. Girls and pink and on the right. Therefore, using my common sense, I elected to go right. It got colder, and the few carpets in the Common Room were sorely missed on my cold feet. I walked and walked, and not a minute later found some doors. They were peppered left and right in the hall. None were named. I had to be careful. Wait... If this was the girl's part, why wasn't I kicked out or otherwise fucked with? Was Slughorn aware, via wards? What was happening? I laid on the wall, listening. Listening and thinking. At the end of the hall laid what seemed to be a bathroom. It was barely lit at this hour. However, it was more lit than the corridor, so I hung out there, watching the loo. If I were to see anyone, I would see them enter or exit there. And it would be a hell of a lot more useful than banging on doors at this hour, demanding answers. I had to wait. Watch and wait. Surely enough, a small, frail girl left her room quietly, sniffling, with her hair all over the place. I tailed her as best I could. Me, the hospital patient. Such an odd scene. An idea popped in my head, and I let the girl go. Using as much of the time as I could, I went and grabbed a lantern from the entrance hall. I snuffed it out, then snuffed it out again. Bloody Charms. I turned it upside down. obscuring the bigger and wider half in my pathetic excuse for a sleeve. I now had the illusion of a wand. I grinned. Now, I could return to my previous position. Why wasn't anyone coming? Maybe nobody ever dared to actually come in here like me? There had to be some sort of catch, there had to be. The girl was just coming out as I returned. I thrust my hand out, clutching the torch/lantern/whatever you call the fucking thing as hard as I could. I held the cupped part under my wrist, and held the stick so hard my hand could almost be seen going out. I snuck up to her just before she got back to her own room, and pushed it to the back of her head. She stopped and began to rifle through her clothes for her wand. With my off hand, I batted off her attempts as best as I could. I had to stop her from getting to her wand before she realized I didn't have one, myself. "Ah-ah-ah," I deterred and pushed the torch in harder to prove my point. "I've got you." I enunciated. "If you know what's good for you, little miss Third Year or Second Year or whatever you are, you'll go get Bellatrix Black. And you'll go do it, now. And you won't look behind you. You won't get out your wand. The moment you do... pop." I tapped my wand on the back of her head. "I'm gonna let go of you, and you're gonna wait. You'll wait 30 seconds before you go do that. And if you even think about hashing it out with me, I have friends. I know people. You don't know me. I could easily ruin you, girl. You might not have a future after Hogwarts. So, play your cards right, hmm? Go get Black."

"O-o-okay. Please don't do anything," She begged. It made me a little sad, but causing someone discomfort for a couple seconds to save lives wasn't any sweat off my back. What would Neville say?

"Sure. Just go get her." I slowly eased off, letting go of her arm and backing off. Slowly, slowly, ever so slowly. Then, I knelt down. If she were to get out her wand and cast a spell my way, it would be at chest level or at the torso. Not down below. It was a pretty good idea at the time, so I ran with it. Kneeling down, I held my breath and waited for the girl to move. She moved, inching forward, before she got a bit more confident and went slightly quicker. She hammered on a door relentlessly until it opened and then dipped inside. This was it. That girl might not have the gall to turn her wand on me, but Bellatrix would. Bellatrix was a Black. If I knew Sirius, I knew her well enough. The door reopened a moment later. A lone silhouette came out, dark enough that I almost mistook it for something else. But the shadow was different enough that I knew it wasn't the same girl. She must be inside, hiding away. "Who is it?" She said, lighting a small Lumos in the hall. It must've lit up enough, as she turned my way. "What do you want?" She demanded brutally, charging forward, wand in front of her stiffly.

I stood up. "Potter." I revealed glumly, striding forward calmly. She lowered her wand a little and seemed to relax. "What's your problem? How did you get in here, at all?" She questioned further, almost irately. I smiled. "I'm Harry Potter. Haven't you ever heard of me? Must be a 90's thing, sorry," I laughed.

"Potter?" She inquired softly, and came closer to me. "Yes?"

"Focillo! Why are you wearing a hospital gown?" She cast a Warming Charm, supposedly for my sake. I felt warmer, so it worked enough. "Thanks." I simply said, rubbing my arms together to make some use of it. Bellatrix gasped. "Are you supposed to be in the Hospital Wing? Why the bloody hell are you down here? It's good enough to catch a cold! Wait, you can't be here! Potter, this is Slytherin House! How did you- Why did you- I don't understand." She huffed, crossing her arms. I went over to that side of her body to make the most out of the Charm. She didn't oppose me. Her eyes glowed at me as the Lumos powered down. "You have to leave. You can't be here. I don't think you understand," She glowers. "In all the time I've been here, from older students, even from books. I have never heard of anyone coming in here. Do you know what that means, Potter? You have to go, and you have to go now!"

"But I have to talk to you!" I protested soundly, ignoring her logic in regards to my own.

"Why? What is so important that you have to come down here, in the middle of the night, not even dressed, to talk to me? You know, you left Lucy a mess. She's in a state in there. It'll be fun to calm her down. Thank you," She sarcastically retorted as she began to lead me out, fully in the dark. Probably knows it by heart. I wouldn't be surprised. Would you?

"Sorry, but I had to talk," I repeated. She threw her arms down and shook her head before grabbing my arm and pulling me along. Finally, we made it back to the corridor where I came in, which made me think of Ron. Ron and spiders. She let go of me before addressing the wall and pointing her wand at it. "Sanctity!" She cried, brushing her wand along the entrance. It slid back into the wall, just as it had before. Would that other Slytherin come back? Had they, already? Hopefully it was a bloke, and they managed to get back so we don't have that problem, too. She gripped my arm tightly, as if in fear I would bolt away. We watched the door slide back. "There," She said. "Now you can freeze your arse off and it won't be on my arse, too. You can't be in there, Potter. How did you get in?"

I chuckled a little and raised my hand to my hair shyly. "Well, uh, you know, I just kinda... slipped in."

"Focillo!" She cast the Charm again, to my thanks. "Slipped in?" She reiterated angrily.

"Yeah." I told her. "Yeah, someone came out, and I... uh...came in. It was actually quite an easy thing to do, honestly. Are there any wards? Does Slughorn keep track of that sort of thing?"

"Professor Slughorn, Potter. Professor to you. That's a little alarming. Something had to happen. I do believe we do have wards," She muttered to herself. "But if you came in, and you went out... I don't get it. Just don't do it again, alright? What do you want?"

"A friend in these troubling times. It was so lonely in the Hospital Wing. Besides, I thought I saw you in there, anyway. I only got a visitor once or twice! I mean, where are my House-mates? It's so crushing! It utterly pounds on my heart. I feel like a second thought. I feel left aside. I feel like leftovers. Like a-"

"I don't need these dramatics. Just tell me what you need, Potter! I didn't get woken up at 5 am to hear your sob stories!" Bellatrix rebuked.

It was funny to see. Damn, is it really 5 am? "You're funny, you know that?" I laughed openly. "Hey, wait, is it really five am?" "Damnit, Potter..." Her wand tip started to light.

"Alright, alright!" I waved my hands placatingly. "I had some thoughts. I know you took that Unbreakable Vow and all. How's the Occlumency going? The Vow just won't cover it, itself. Better have some good Occlumency for the Dark Lord when he comes about. Speaking of Dark Lords, have you had any encounters? Have any meetings? You hanging around with the wrong sort? Believe it or not, Bella, I kinda sorta need to know this. It's okay to tell the time traveler from the future. Shite has already hit the fan for me. Whatever you tell me won't be a surprise! I have lived it! So, yes, I don't want to sit in some fucking hospital bed while you are down here doing Merlin knows what with Merlin knows who! I've made an impression here, and I don't plan to go over it anytime soon. You aren't very well received in my day, any guesses why? I want you to stay you. For the people I know, or knew, I need you to stay you." I grabbed at her sleeves. "I need you to stay you, Bellatrix."

"I-I-I haven't done anything like that. And I'm working on the Occlumency," She replied shakily, taken aback by my ferocious proclamation. Go big or go home! "Wait, was that care I heard? Care? From Potter? You? The complete dick who lives to make other people laughingstocks and makes crude jokes? You have feelings? Defense ring a bell?"

Major sense of deja vu.

"Yes, Bellatrix. I am a human being. I can feel things. Like this," I poked her. "Or this." I snatched her arm, probably at least a little harder than she held mine. "Or this." I dropped my grip down to her hand. "It's funny, actually. The fact I'm a normal person. I have nerves in my hands and skin that let me feel what happens when something tou-"

"Potter," Bellatrix said. "Shut up."

But she didn't let go. It was nice.

"What you said and showed me about the Lestrange's, well... My family's been talking. They want to arrange things for my sisters and I," Her dark eyes stared into mine, then turned away. "And the Lestrange family is one of the highest bidders, Harry."

"No!" I gripped onto her hand tighter, willing it not to be true. "Tell them to find someone else. Tell them it isn't good enough. Don't. Don't!" I commanded. "Please. There's not even anything to like about either of them, whoever they pick." I put both hands on her one, and pressed it into mine. "Bellatrix, don't tell me you're gonna go through with this."

She looked at me, and I mean really looked at me. Not as a prideful scion of Black, but as her. "It's not a matter of whether of not I want to do it or not. It's whether or not Father does."

"You could leave. Run away. Refuse to marry. I don't know, something. Think! If you don't, I'll go right back in there and refuse it myself. Dumbledore wouldn't suspect innocent little Caldwell. Well, maybe he would. Time traveler and all. He probably wouldn't. He thinks the best of everyone. Even me. I'd probably get off, too." I thought aloud.

"You say that like you're going to actually go and do it," She remarks airily.

I point back at Slytherin House. "That girl in there is the way she is because this conversation is going to affect the future. I have no qualms doing the same thing to some fuckwit if it saves lives!"

"Regardless, I didn't do anything. Since you came along, it's been an... awakening for me. I don't want to be that in the future, so I calmed down a bit. But his ideas aren't all bad. We are a small society. We are very small compared to the Muggles. They are everywhere. We won't survive if we don't do something."

I blink. "You may very well be correct, but that's not the way. I can tell you, Voldemort fails. I am living proof he failed. Your savior isn't your savior. He's a liar! I'll tell you this, this as a half-blood raised among Muggles. They have technology. Where are we right now, Bellatrix? In the basement of some castle. We might have magic, but they have bombs. It is pointless."

The girl frowned. "Yes, yes, I know, I saw it. It made me think. Seeing the future like that really opens my eyes,"

My argument wasn't working.

I held her by the shoulders and looked at her. "You're a Pureblood. You believe in the superiority of yourselves, Purebloods over all other beings, right?" I said matter-of-factly. "What do you think about me? Me, Harry Potter? Time traveler incarnate? Half-blood?"

"As much as I hate to say it, you bested me in the Tower. But I don't do good in tight spaces. And I was frustrated. You are a frustrating person, Harry, but I guess you're alright."

"I'm not saying you have to like them. I don't really, either. But I don't mind them. Some of them are genuinely nice people. Some, like my uncle aren't. They're like us, Bellatrix. Just non-magical. Just because they're different doesn't mean they aren't people. If they weren't smart and couldn't do things, they wouldn't have made cities or cars or telephones. Or bombs. The thing I told you about. They go boom. Really big boom. Big big boom. City-wide boom. In other words, your spells won't do shite. Besides, you're here. You're in Hogwarts, learning and all that. Listening to Voldemort preach to you is not helpful. We have lasted for this many thousands of years, through the witch burnings and all that. If we can stand that, we can stand anything. So just tone it down, okay?"

I think I got to her for the time being.

I'm gonna hold on to the half-blood Voldemort card. She wouldn't believe it, anyway. That was my trump card. My ace, right there. Oh, yeah.

Bellatrix didn't answer. She didn't answer and she didn't look at me. It was astounding how much it was nostalgic. I guess I can say I know how that feels. To have your world and all you know crushed. It was like when Hagrid told me I was a wizard. Hagrid, my would-be rescuer, my saint. However goofy that half-giant was, he was the one who got me away. And he's my friend. In that moment, the cupboard was my life. The cupboard was my life and the house was my shell. My cage. My bars. I wanted to stay in there forever. School was just some taunt, some daunted maneuver to fuck with me. I couldn't have friends. I couldn't talk to anyone. I couldn't get good grades. I couldn't have many things to myself. One time, I took a book from the school library. Contrary to what you may be thinking, I did get to keep that book. That book became one of my prized possessions. It might not be the exact same situation, but I know how it feels to be toppled and to have everything you believe to be a lie. Going back there is a tragedy. Well, it was. I don't have to go back anymore. But I lose out on that protection. Oh, well. Incognito time! Oh, wait, I can't. I'm already fucking with the Purebloods via Bellatrix, James, Sirius, and the Lestranges. I'm sure my name has already went around in households from letters or whatever else. It would be too late to really keep a low profile. But it wasn't about me. It was about her. So I reached out and I hugged her. I'm not really sure Bellatrix has friends. I never really heard anything about it. She seemed like a lonely, distant thing brainwashed by her family and subjugated to some arranged marriage for kicks. But I'm not a psychologist. I'm just a dick. Her life is sad. Parallel to mine, some loneliness is nothing. But it was so much more than that. I would never feel the full brunt of Wizarding society, having being raised differently. Some things would just be different. But one thing that would never change was our need to depend on one another. Humans are social creatures. That is how we continue. So I reached forward and I hugged the girl. I hugged her as hard as I could.

And I held onto her. She felt like a wooden board in my arms. Neither of us said anything. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "For everything."

"I think you already did this soppy apology cry-baby crap," She returned aptly. "As touching as it is, I already heard it once. I honestly don't want to hear it for the second time. It's alright. I'll figure out something. If I somehow can't, I'll be sure to call on the resident time traveler Potter. How's that?"

"Ouch. How rude. Remind me never to hug you again." I mock whimpered.

"Shut up. How about it?" She lets go.

"Sure, I guess. Wait, what am I agreeing to?"

She whacked me on the head. "If I need you, I'll come get you or send an owl. Okay?"

"Yeah, sure."

Bellatrix rolls her eyes at me. "Sounds a little reluctant to me."

"Sure thing, Bellatrix. As soon as I get that owl, I will drop whatever I'm currently doing to come and help you. No bars. I will go down to the owlery every fifteen minutes. Swear on my Gryffindor..uh... Gryffindorishness. If you don't send an owl, just ask at the portrait. The password is 'Mudbloods are better'."

Bellatrix reeled. "What? Potter!"

"What?" I reacted indignantly. "You said those mean things to me when we were having happy fun time."

"Can we be serious? Please? I want to sleep. I want to go back in there, Potter, and I want to go to bed. For Merlin's sake, I have classes today! It is a weekday, Potter! I have morning Potions! Will you please?"

"Yeah, alright. Hey, if you want, I'll take a Vow, too."

She huffed a breath as if she were to laugh. "Don't tempt me."

Bellatrix turned round and touched the stone door once more. "Sanctity!" She said the password again profoundly. The way to Slytherin House appeared again, more dark and leery than before. "It's almost morning. As fun as our little chit-chat was, I'd like to sleep more before class. You may not have that luxury of not having classes currently, Potter, but I do. Goodnight." My hand tingled a phantom tingle. In the back of my mind, I wondered why. I felt cold. I shivered a little. "G-Goodnight. You know, I know the password, now." I confessed.

She glanced at me before leaving. "Oh, I know. It changes tomorrow. Try again next time." Black grinned. It was a cute grin. Can grins be cute? Grins are more like... nefarious or evil or funny. You could say the Blacks were evil and nefarious, but Sirius was a riot. And this? This was just some girl shite. It made me want to take a picture and animate it. How do they do that, anyway? Regardless, back to the matter at hand, it was a smile. A cute smile. She needs to smile more. Wait, did I just write that? Or think that? About a Black? About Bellatrix? What the hell? What the hell did Pomfrey give me? Ignore me. Anyway, I stood there for some seconds. Finally, after what felt like forever (basically, a couple seconds), she went back inside, the door closing in her wake. I sighed. Somehow, it was colder than it was before I came down here originally. I ran back to the Hospital Wing as fast as I could shuffle my legs. Almost fully out of the dungeons, my pseudo-move was my own undoing. I felt the press of a wand on my back. It dug in, like a promise of what was to come. "Can't go in Slytherin House, Caldwell," He said roughly. "Now you know where we are. That's bad. Very bad. I might have to Obliviate you."

I took my hands away from my side slowly. He didn't know I had my 'wand' in my grasp. I summoned forth all my grip strength and felt it cut into my own skin. It was slightly cut at the end in order to go up from the wall, so it was slanted. Maybe I could work with that. Maybe. Or should I do it with the wide end? No, no, short end for sure. I can do a lot more. He wouldn't see me hiding it, either. He came closer and searched through my tiny hospital gown pockets, coming up with nothing. "No wand? Oh, yes, they don't let you have them in the Hospital Wing. How fitting. We had that last fight. You had the advantage with your Gryffindor buddies. Now, it's just you and me." Rabastan informs me. "And now you're at the disadvantage." He levelled his wand.

I swiped the torch across his face and sprinted away as best as my legs could take me. "Caldwell!" rang after me. I openly laughed. "Fuck you!"

I ran, ran, and ran. Soon enough, the dark stone turned to... lighter stone? I actually saw the sun start to come up through a nearby window, so it made enough sense. If that was my only encounter, it could've gone a lot worse. A whole lot worse. Fuck. What if he did Obliviate me? What if he could have? That was a whole lot more than just knowing where the Slytherins are. That was everything! Fuck! I need a backup wand hidden away somewhere. Gotta talk to Ollivander. Would Ollivander still be working there in that place? Probably. I could see it. He was old in my day. By the way, using 'back in my day' when you're in your teens is great. Adds to the smart-arse dynamic. I kept looking over my shoulder. Oh, no. The sun was up. There was more visibility. Students might see me. No, no, no, no! I had to get back. Had to get back right now! Fortunately, the Hospital Wing wasn't that far. Well, from the dungeons it was a fair walk. In my favor, though, I wasn't walking. I was jogging. Must be a terribly queer sight to see some bloke jogging in the halls in the wee hours of the morning clutching onto a bloody torch and wearing a hospital gown. Funny how things turn out, huh? I'm sure the portraits would have much to say about this. Oh, on the backup wand idea, I also had to increase my spell repertoire. Maybe talk with Sautle? I kinda doubt it, that's really watered down stuff. I mean Defense, period. Not what's taught there. I mean actual Defense. Against other people. Protego and Stupefy aren't exactly what I have in mind. Flitwick would be great to have in this point of time. Who was teaching Charms, now? Oh, fuck it. I don't care, either. I'll just nab a book from the library or ask someone to go into the Restricted Section for me. Or, do it myself. Steal (liberate) the cloak from Dad and co. and do it myself. I liked that idea. That way, I could have a free range of what to pick and what I could take with me. Obviously, there would only be so much there, but I was a little excited to see a 70's Restricted Section as opposed to a 90's one. There was bound to be differences. Oh, yes. I rounded the corner on the final stretch to the Hospital Wing. When was breakfast served?

Not for a few hours, for sure. It would be horribly dumb to serve it at this hour. Then again, you assume I think correctly at this hour, after having just escaped the Hospital Wing, had a soul-searching episode and a confrontation with someone who threatened to Obliviate me.

This shite is stressful. If Pomfrey wasn't too mad, or didn't even know, I could maybe coax her into helping me out with that stress. Because stress really does do a number.

"Now, now, I know, I know," I smiled nervously when I came back in to my curtain, seeing the Nurse at the foot of my vacated hospital bed. "It's not what it looks like."

"Then what does it look like, Mr. Caldwell?" Madam Pomfrey provoked. "Because to me, it looks like you disobeyed me and got up. And left. Fully. To Merlin knows where! Doing Merlin knows what!"

Deja vu? Deja vu. I can get behind Voldemort's weird French thing now. "Look, it's really not all it was cracked up to be," I tried again, shaking a leg. Literally. I jumped up and down, wincing a little. "See? Par for the course! All good to go! Promise! I'm a-okay! Right as rain, Madam Pomfrey! I swear."

Of course, her being a nurse, she immediately honed in on my miniscule wince of pain as I hopped. "Alright, that's it. Bed! Now!"

Pomfrey, for sure. Hadn't changed a bit.

Once I was settled in and covered up and comfortable, she started really laying into me. "Do you know exactly why I said 'Don't get up'? Because your bones are still healing. Your bones and everything connected to those bones. If you didn't have bones, you wouldn't be able to move or do anything at all! Do you understand? You might have gotten off this time, luckily, oh Merlin knows how lucky you are. You got off this time with some pain. Next time, it's a hairline fracture. Or an greenstick. Or an avulsion! Of all the stupid things to do... You know, there are all manner of walking instruments here. You could've taken a cane!" She pointed over yonder at the supply closet. I couldn't really see inside, but I took her word for it. Good knowledge to have. For next time, of course. I practically live here in the Hospital Wing. This past Pomfrey will come to understand that as well. "I suppose if you can walk and move with some fair to mild amount of discomfort, that means it's working. I'll only keep you for a couple more days. Hmm... No, no, we'll see how you actually are in two days. How's that?"

I nodded happily. Much better than two weeks. How long had I been here already. Shite...

"I'm going to let you get some sleep, Mr. Caldwell. It is still the early morning. Thank you for that, by the way," She pursed her lips in annoyance. "You shook the rail." Oh.

"Oh."

"Yes, oh. Don't go do whatever you hare-brained children do. Just wait, alright. It isn't so important to lose your legs or arms or whatever else. Whoever you need to talk to can come here. Whatever you need to get done can in fact be done here. Actually, since you used your legs and were fine, I'd want to try hand and arm movement, too. So, try to get some class parchment in here, too, hmm?" She smiled that old-woman smile. You know.

"Sure thing, Madam Pomfrey. I'll do my best to pester my friends to bring all my homework in so I can do it." I said a little too smartly.

"Now, don't take that tone with me, mister. A sheet or two should do just fine. Don't go overboard. Or I'll keep you here for more than two years. I am the matron here. You are under my care now. What I say goes. You'd do best not to get under my feathers, Mr. Caldwell. Are we agreed?"

I let out a breath. "Sure." She raised an eyebrow. "Fine, yes, we are agreed."

"Good." She begin to draw the curtain. Not a very good curtain, by the way. It was thin. Like my gown. See what I did there? "Hey, wait!" I cried suddenly. She paused in the action and turned to me. "Yes, Mr. Caldwell?" I heard the undertone of 'Hurry up.'

"Could you bring in some extra pillows?"

An eventful day. And the sun was just coming up. Well, I can tell you one thing for sure. I wouldn't be doing anything today. Voldemort, the Death Eaters, James, the Marauders, Bellatrix, they can all shove it. I am sitting right here in this very bed and there is nothing anyone can do to stop me. Nothing.

Except for a bathroom trip or two. I liked to stay somewhat hydrated. Good for sports. Good for Quidditch. Good for me. Good for you. I don't know why none of the other guys bother. It's actually quite a sad thing. Your body needs water. It's healthy. You can't be parading around dehydrated cause then you'll just get a nasty headache and feel terrible and it's just a right proper mess.

True story.

Trust me, I know. And then I had to hear about it from Hermione. So I heard about it. And then I heard about it some more. For example, did you know you're supposed to drink your body weight in ounces every day? For kilos, that is. Fun fact. Did you know that? I sure didn't. I do know. So do you, if you didn't. Great times. Who knew a shut-in bookworm would know so much about self-care? Her hair never seemed to reflect that, as funny as it was. Her mind was in the right place, so I took it to heart. Anyway, yeah. My performance in Quidditch has definitely bolstered since then. For sure. You know what? I'm just gonna leave this here at the end of this entry, then. To remind James and Sirius to keep up on that sort of thing. To others, it might seem like a ludicrous, funny wacky gag, but it really isn't. I will waterboard those fucks until they get it through their thick heads. Speaking of thick heads, I feel a little tired. Maybe I just needed a light jog and some danger to go to sleep? Weird. I'll continue this when I feel like it. When something interesting happens, I guess. Don't worry, future reader. If anything comes to pass, you will be the first to know! Wow, look at you. Cute little thing. And if I find you in here, reading this, I will personally pull a Gerry and it won't be pretty. Well, it'll be pretty for me.

Anyway, I'm gonna go to sleep. Hopefully I don't have those weird non-dream dreams again and have that pain. I gotta say, I think it was from the water. I'll almost bank on it, actually. Enough about it. Getting that minor chew-out from Pomfrey was worth it. Besides, I tested my legs and body before going, so all was well. I got to get more information and maybe even plan on how to deal with that marriage arrangement. Ooh, there's an idea. Get Rodolphus and Rabastan to back off, somehow. But that's if Bellatrix can't cook something up. Also, apparently, she's working on her Occlumency. I wonder how a book on that might be as a gift? Come off weird? Maybe. It's a thought. I'm tired. Bye, night, whatever. Do people usually tell their journals goodnight? I'm not too sure. Do I look like a journal person? Nighty-night.