Thanks to Floraone for beta'ing!
The attacks seemed to be coming more frequently, and while I took no joy in Tokyo citizens being frightened and sometimes hurt, it was a delight and a solace to be in the presence of Sailor Moon again. If my white rose could help even for a moment, if my words gave her confidence, it was worth clawing my way into existence again and again.
One by one, her protectors - the senshi, the guardians, the beautiful soldiers - found their inner strength and stronger powers and each time I felt Sailor Moon's pride, her adoration, her love of her friends and her determination to stand and fight with them.
And every time she needed me a little less.
If I reached out for my other self- the lost boy, the empty shell - I found nothing but a wall of denial.
I was beginning to worry.
So it turns out theater majors can be dramatic divas when they want to be. Not that I'd know a thing or two about being dramatic… ahem. But yes, our final group project for drama class was meant to be a one-act play written and acted out by the students. I got put in a group with a couple who broke up midway through, an aspiring actress who demanded the starring role, and a playwright who had a break down and went back home to Nagano.
Basically, we were screwed. There was no way I was going to pass this class with a group like that, not to mention we'd already booked Juuban hall and decided to put the ticket money to charity so now I was left holding the bag so to speak…
It was only because I was passing Hikawa Shrine on the way back from a particularly explosive 'rehearsal' that I even wrote the ema in the first place.
"What's this about a play?"
I was part way down the stairs at that point and had to turn to see the Shrine Miko holding the ema in her hand and looking at me curiously.
"Are… are you supposed to read those?" I said.
She looked at me with intense violet eyes for so long I felt like I should apologize.
"My name is Rei Hino," she said.
Okay…
"I'm Usagi's friend?"
"Oh, right." I said, pretending I'd known all along, casting my memory back to girls teasing us with Manami. Was she there? "Yes, I remember now," I lied.
"So," she repeated, "what's this about a play?"
I ended up telling her everything, because it'd been building for so long. I was exhausted and cranky and this play was taking up so much of my time for it all to just explode in disaster anyway.
"Why don't you just quit the group and do your own project?" Rei asked.
"And do what, a one-man show?"
Again, her intense eyes just looked at me in silence for a beat too long. "Or," she said, "I could gather my friends together and we could help you."
'No thanks' was right on my tongue but instead what came out was "Thank you."
Of course, I regretted it almost immediately.
Rei had gathered her friends - some I recognized, some I didn't. It was suggested that we do a short version of Snow White - a book the Juuban students were studying in their English class.
In the middle of the group, little Odango Atama was bouncing among her friends and buzzing like a bee. She was the shortest but loudest among them. I had to fight to keep my eyes off her, to not be so obvious. I haven't seen her since Manami left - I had schoolwork to catch up on and a disaster group project to mediate - and I was assuming the strange feelings she conjured up in me would dissipate with time.
They hadn't.
But before I could ponder this, she and the other girls immediately proceeded to argue loudly over the lead role - using everything from school work to looks to breast size (I wish I was kidding about that last one, but alas…) as reasons they should be Snow White. It was not a good look, for any of them.
I was about to jump in and say I would play Snow White. And the Prince. In fact, a one man show was starting to look like a pretty good idea after all.
My saving grace came from the most unexpected place.
"I know how we can decide!" A familiar voice cut in loudly, over the din.
I never thought I'd say it but… Thank god for Natsumi. She came up with a way to decide who got to play Snow White - and it was no surprise it ended up being her.
Natsumi as Snow White worked just fine for me. She was good-looking, had a flare for drama, and her voice could project. As long as she could memorize a couple lines and lay on a cot without moving for fifteen minutes, we were golden.
Usagi got the evil queen, and proceeded to wail over the injustice of it all. It was true that imagining the diminutive, ever-cheerful blonde as a psychopathically jealous murderess was a bit of a stretch. (I might've cast Rei, honestly. Don't ever tell her I said that).
I might have sauntered up to Odango Atama, drawl that all she had to do was pretend Snow White had insulted her hairstyle, and she'd be a red-faced mess of anger that would work perfectly… but she was cloistered in a tight group of friends, all giggling and talking as we walked to Juuban Hall for our first rehearsal.
Somehow, our dynamic seemed different. She seemed different, surrounded by so many people who clearly adored her. It made me feel a familiar and unpleasant kind of lonely.
Natsumi was walking off to the side as well, chin out, gaze straight ahead. She didn't give any outward appearance of caring that she'd been inadvertently ostracized, but I was emphatic to her. After all, I was walking by myself too.
I ended up slowing down until she and I were walking in step. "Glad you decided to join us," I said, honestly. "Thanks for your help."
"Oh, anything for you, Mamoru!" She gushed, slipping her arm through mine. Since we were less than a block from the hall at that point, I just let her keep it there until we arrived.
To their credit, everyone worked really hard the first day. Considering I was a stranger to most of them, it was pretty decent they were doing this for free, in their precious spare time. I assumed they were doing it for Rei, but it seemed like more than a few were actually doing it for Usagi.
I hadn't realized how popular she was. Of course it made perfect sense considering even I had been charmed by her once I got to know her.
"So, same time Thursday?" I said when rehearsal was over.
Everyone chorused their agreement. Umino and Naru left together, but Usagi and the other girls were gathered in a little knot of chatter and in no hurry to go.
"Good work today!" I said, and they smiled and waved.
"You too!"
I had my bag slung over my shoulder and was heading out the door when Natsumi materialized out of nowhere, clutching my arm.
"Mamoru! Mind if I walk with you? Since we are playing characters that love each other, we should probably get to know each other better!"
"Uh…"
"Should we go back to your place?" She simpered up at me. "So we can practice the kiss scene in privacy?"
Well, she sure wasn't shy. "How about I walk you home?" I suggested instead. "We can talk on the way."
I shifted my bag to the other shoulder, effectively shaking off her grip in a way I hoped wasn't too rude.
She led me in the direction of her place, saying it'd be a few blocks.
I was not good at small talk, and the usual questions like "so where are you from?" made her nervously change the subject.
So I ended up mostly answering a peppering of questions she lobbed at me, while she studied me intently with those strange eyes of hers. My age (just turned 18), my birthday (August 3rd - she didn't respond when I asked hers in return), my blood type (A), favorite color…
She did let it slip that her favorite color was blue and that she loved music and was just psyched to be playing Snow White.
Underneath her shell, Natsumi was actually really cute, in a strange, awkward way. Not for the first time, I found myself sincerely enjoying her company.
"What's something you wish for?" she asked me. "Even if it's little."
It was a harmless question but it threw me a bit. The image of blue eyes and odango'ed hair floated into my mind unbidden and I banished it as quickly as it came. Some wishes weren't meant to be.
"For the play to go well and to pass theater class," I said, truthfully.
She nodded. "Me too. Well, not about class - my grades are good. But the play. It's important to me." She paused for a moment, looking a bit wistful. "I wish my brother would come. Maybe bring flowers…" she looked at me, suddenly vulnerable. "You get flowers after being in a play right? I've never gotten flowers…" She shook her head suddenly, and the haughty veneer slipped back like a mask.
She stopped in front of a multistory building sort of set off by itself on the edges of Juuban, saying it was her place, but she didn't go in at first.
"How'd you get everyone to help with the play anyway?" she asked suddenly, looking at me thoughtfully.
"Oh, Rei noticed I went to the shrine to wish for a successful performance and we got to talking and... "
"Shrine? Wish?" Natsumi asked. I remembered that she was a foreign student, although she never did say from where.
"Uh… yeah…" I gave a quick rundown of leaving wishes and prayers at shinto shrines and Natsumi listened shrewdly.
"Gee, Mamoru, you are sooo smart," she gushed. "How about practicing the kiss real quick before I go?"
I gave her a Look. "Goodnight Natsumi," I said, heading home.
The moon was just rising over the skyline, and it kept me company the whole way home.
I had decided the way to get through a month of twice weekly rehearsals unscathed was to fight my Type A instincts and just go with the flow.
Everything was fine. Natsumi wanted to rehearse her wake up scene fifty times? Fine. A kid named Umino got giant mascot animal costumes for the 'dwarves'? Fine. Minako wanted to turn set painting into a gossip session?
Fine.
"Are you and Nastumi, like, a thing now?" the blonde asked, slapping paint in an incredibly haphazard way across the cardboard tree. "Or what?"
"No," I answered, almost too sharply. But who did she think she was, with the personal questions? I'd just met her.
"I was just asking," she muttered, sounding amused at my outburst.
"I don't date," I said firmly, dipping my brush in the brown paint and making even, methodical strokes along the tree trunk.
"Pfft," she said, rolling her eyes. "Okay, sure."
"It's true," I said stiffly. "I don't have the time, nor the inclination, to get involved romantically with anyone. At this point in my life, it's only a waste of time."
"Spoken like a true Prince Charming," she said, dryly.
I shot her a withering glance, and noticed Usagi and Makoto right behind Minako, sorting props. Had Usagi overheard? I didn't look at her, forcing my gaze back to my work.
What did it matter if she did hear? I asked myself sharply, pressing the paintbrush along a tree branch rather aggressively. It was true after all.
It was dress rehearsal and Natsumi was swanning around happily in her crinoline confection, preening in every reflective surface.
The other girls were attempting to figure out their mascot costumes, grumpling to a defensive Umino (who'd been in charge of costumes). "They are unique!" he kept saying. "It'll be the highlight of the show!"
"Mamoru!" Usagi marched up to me, holding a gray wig in one hand and a fake nose in the other.
I'd managed to keep my distance from her, throwing myself into the minutia of directing/producing/organizing a bunch of fellow teens (the term 'herding cats' comes to mind). Courteous and cool, no special treatment, I even switched to calling her 'Usagi' exclusively, no more Odango Atama.
I swore to successfully turn off my feelings or die trying.
But now she was right in front of me, looking disgruntled and pouting and not at all irresistibly cute.
"What?"
"Is it true I have to wear the old hag costume the entire time!?" She shook the wig at me in distress.
"Well, we won't really have time to do costume changes or redo make-up back stage, so…"
"But! The Evil Queen is supposed to be the fairest in the land! That's why she's jealous of Snow White us-erping her position!"
"Usurping," I corrected without thinking, and Usagi blinked.
"What?"
"Usurping. The word is usurping. But yes, we'll have to do the Mirror-Mirror scene behind a silhouette screen. It'll look really good, very creepy."
Usagi looked incredulous.
"You'll have to be really dramatic when you read your lines to the magic mirror," I said, shifting my arms in silly, over-the-top, Shakespeare soliloquy poses. It sort of worked with the cape that was part of the prince ensemble I was wearing. "The audience will see your outline only."
Usagi frowned deeply at the fake nose.
"You get to play the villain," I cajoled. "It could be really fun."
She raised an eyebrow suspiciously at the wig.
"Just don't scare the kids in the audience." I couldn't help adding, and was rewarded with a patented Odango Atama glare.
"Fine," she finally muttered before stomping off. "But only 'cuz otherwise no one would believe Natsumi was the fairer one."
"Whatever gets you through it," I said to her retreating back. Her defiant hair-flip made it clear she'd heard me.
Oh yeah. This was going just great.
I have to admit, Naru and Minako (our marketing team) did a good job getting the word out. The seats were mostly filled, kids sitting in the front, kicking their legs and talking loudly with each other, adults in the back settling in.
Everyone took turns peeping through the curtain, much to my chagrin.
"Everything okay?" I whispered to Natsumi, who looked crestfallen.
"Seijuro isn't here," she said softly, not looking at me. Then her eyes narrowed and she shook her head. "Whatever. At least I have you," she said, leaning her head on my arm.
"Careful of your hair," I blurted out, stepping away before it could flatten. It'd taken Minako hours and a full can of hairspray to get Natsumi's thick, straight hair into Disney-esq Snow White curls.
Insensitive? Oh yes, I admit it. I was hyper focused on the play and forgot to not be a jerk.
When the bell rang signaling the start of the play, we all went to our places.
And then everything went to hell.
All the world may be a stage, but certainly there is something extra magical about the actual stage - the lights in your eyes and the murmur of the audience, the thrill of applause.
Helping my only love escape the clutches of an evil clown monster was the first priority, of course, but after securing her safety, I did indulge myself in securing an entrance.
The glittering crescent moon I perched upon descended from the ceiling and the audience gasped. And best of all, Sailor Moon looked at me in complete adoration.
"No one knows my true identity, but all young girls know who I am!" I projected my voice out over the hushed crowd. "The Moonlight Knight is here!"
The other senshi appeared, each claiming the stage with pride - their introductions and confidence sparkled beneath the spotlight.
And how lucky the audience - to see the Sailor Senshi in all their glory - water, fire, lightning and heart-linked chains like the best special effects ever imagined.
And the finale of Sailor Moon's awe-inspiring Moon Princess Halation, and her triumph over the Cardian with so much sparkly moon magic.
"All of you have saved the day! Tonight the spotlight falls on the beauty of these girls!" It was inspiring. It was transcendent.
Leaving Sailor Moon always left an ache in my heart, but seeing her and her senshi standing before an auditorium full of admirers, filled me with a joy like no other.
I had to leave her, but I left her glowing with pride and happiness, and surrounded by people who loved her.
And that, at least, was wonderful.
"The play ended up being a pretty big success," Usagi said, with that gentle encouraging voice you'd use on a sad child.
"I wouldn't know," I said, shoving the costumes back into the bins to return to the shop. "I was unconscious the entire time."
"A bunch of us are going out for ice cream to celebra— uh, to show our appreciation for everyone's hard work. Wanna come? My treat!"
The entire cast had decided to prance off and have a wrap party as if the play hadn't been completely ruined.
"I have to finish all this," I snapped. Although, in truth, the set didn't need striking until the next day - but I'd still stacked all the cardboard sets - broken as they were - in a pile in the corner.
"Okay, I'll wait with you."
She perched on the edge of the stage behind me, not seeming to take the hint that I wanted to be left alone. Although, I suppose if I could stand anyone's company, it would be hers.
Still, she seemed far too okay with this whole thing, swinging her legs slightly to bounce her heels off the stage.
She and the other girls had gotten to watch the Sailor Senshi do an impromptu performance, apparently, and it was so much better than the play we'd all worked so hard on. And everyone except me (and presumably, Natsumi, who'd ran home in tears) seemed to be a-okay with that. Even Umino and Naru were gushing over it.
"Well, the good news is this entire disaster is over," I muttered. With a grunt, I lifted one of the costume bins on top of the other. "And I'll be getting a good grade in drama. And never take another theater class again."
"Poor Natsumi, though," Usagi said, inspecting the tip of one of her pigtails, "she was really looking forward to kissing you."
"I wasn't going to kiss her for real," I answered, only half paying attention to the conversation. I was going through the checklist Umino had given me, all the costumes had these little pieces that all needed to be accounted for.
"What?!"
That made me lower the list and turn to face her. "I mean. My back would've been to the audience. I'd just put my face close to her, like I kept doing in rehearsal."
Usagi was still looking at me in shock. Then, she pressed her lips together and shifted her wide eyes to the side in an expression I couldn't read. "Well," she murmured finally. "Imagine that."
"Of course a lot of times on-stage kisses are real," I said, my voice slipping into lecture mode as I reiterated what I'd learned in class. "But in a case like this, in a play for children, with all actors being so young, it's perfectly fine to use stage blocking to-"
"I get it, I get it," Usagi said, holding her hands up in an 'I surrender' position. "Thanks, Chiba-Sensei."
I rolled my eyes.
She hopped off the stage and looked at me. "Hey, you sure you don't wanna get checked out at a clinic or something? You took a pretty bad blow to the head. I could come with you."
That probably wasn't a bad idea. "Well, I guess. You don't need to come, though. Go have ice cream."
"I'll get double the ice cream tomorrow," she shrugged. "C'mon. Let's go."
"Hey, Mamoru?" Usagi said, as we walked in step to the all-night clinic in Azabu. "You know Natsumi is like. Super into you, right?"
Oh good, my favorite topic. Not.
"I suppose she's not exactly subtle." I finally said.
"Why don't you just tell her what you told Minako?"
"Huh?" I turned to look at her, as we came to a stop in front of the sliding glass doors of the clinic, the well-lit lobby illuminating her face.
"Ya know, 'I don't date, blah blah, waste of time,' whatever. She might stop chasing you then."
I inwardly sighed.
So she had overheard. Well, it didn't matter. Crush or not, I knew better than to entertain the idea that Odango Atama and I would ever be involved romantically.
"If she ever formally confesses or asks me to be her boyfriend, I'll tell her," I said. "But until then, it's harmless. Not worth the drama."
"Hmm," she mused, as we entered the building.
It took a few hours for me to get a clean bill of health, no sign of concussion and I got the okay to head home and go to sleep. I was surprised to walk back out into the lobby and see Odango Atama curled up in one of those uncomfortable plastic chairs, fast asleep, using her jacket as a blanket. She'd drooled all over her hand.
Oh no.
I had definitely fallen for this girl. Hard.
"Idiot," I said, outloud, not sure if I meant Usagi or myself. She mumbled something and snored.
After I'd woken Usagi and walked her to the bottom of the steps at Rei's shrine (where she'd been planning to sleep over), I headed home feeling completely unmoored.
The play had been ruined. My feelings for Usagi were becoming too strong to dismiss or ignore. My head hurt.
Everything sucked.