Chapter 6 – Carousel

A/N: Trigger Warning: Gore and violence throughout the chapter
The song for this chapter is:
Carousel by Eat Your Heart Out
You can find the playlist on Spotify under the same name as the fic. I'll be updating the playlist as the chapters progress.

~oOo~

Kakumaru leaned back against the tree he was situated under; the rain slowing its descent as the storm shifted further inland, losing most of its previous bluster. A matching antlered ring adorned his right hand.

After his fight with the hanyou he ran as swiftly as his legs would carry him in the opposite direction. Even after injuring the dog Kakumaru worried that he would continue to give chase in order to get answers the sika was unwilling to divulge. Fighting an enemy head on was not the deer's idea of an ideal situation; he much preferred stealth and deception versus hand-to-hand combat. But his master's orders had been clear:

Keep the half-breed occupied long enough for the girl to reach the jewel.

And Kakumaru did not disobey his master's orders.

He pushed himself off of the tree, cast his youki out to ensure he wasn't being followed, then started the trek to his makeshift camp deep in the forest, ponytail swinging behind him as he walked.

The sika had begun working for the Demon Jeweler after he had found himself orphaned as an adolescent. His childhood had been fraught with turmoil due to the raging war between Lord Inu no Taisho of the West and Lord Ryukotsusei of the North. Both of Kakumaru's parents had been ferrying information to and from the West and North, using their skills in duplicity to further pit the two warring nations against one another, turning a hefty profit all the while. Knowledge was their craft and selling their wares to the highest bidder was their bread and butter. Unfortunately, it was only a matter of time before their betrayal would be revealed and tragedy reared its ugly head at the sika family.

Greed always came at a price, often one that we are not willing to pay.

Once the Lord of the West discovered that his top spies were playing both sides, he killed them personally; placing their heads on pikes mounted to the castle walls as a warning to others, and leaving their only son to fend for himself in a war-torn land. The Demon Jeweler had discovered Kakumaru starved, homeless, and begging for scraps outside of a demon village and had taken pity on him. He had offered the young deer a home and in return, the sika would act as an apprentice. The Demon Jeweler's business had started to increase as word of his skill became more widely known within the daiyoukai aristocracy.

Kakumaru had agreed readily and moved into the small mansion by the lake far to the north, where the war had yet to desecrate the land. However, a few years into his apprenticeship, both he and the Jeweler agreed that he did not have the necessary aptitude to manipulate demon jewels to any worthwhile degree. Kakumaru could create intricate pieces and his eye for color was especially impressive, but imbuing the jewels with power was not his forte. So instead, he pledged himself to the Jeweler as a humble servant, to do his bidding in all things to repay his kindness in saving an orphaned buckling knocking on death's door.

The Jeweler had agreed and so their story went.

For the most part, Kakumaru lived in relative happiness, helping where he could around the mansion and with the business. He cooked and cleaned, delivered completed works, purchased and assembled materials, crafted the beginnings of pieces, and gathered information on any potential clients or powerful magical artifacts that would help his master expand. In recent years, the servant had more – distasteful errands, but he did them without complaint and to the best of his abilities. His lord's goals were his own and he would do whatever it took to ensure that they came to fruition, no matter the cost.

Kakumaru's loyalty and devotion were absolute and he readily dirtied his own hands to relieve his lord of the burden.

The sika had made it to a giant camphor tree where he had made his temporary camp. The impressive tree had died some time ago, tilting precariously to the side, and leaving an opening within its tangled mass of roots to allow for him to easily enter the hollow trunk. Within the space, the ground had given in to reveal a tunnel which was fed by an underground natural spring.

The smell of wet rot hit him full force and he crinkled his nose in distaste, green eyes squinting.

The bodies of the nine women he had kidnapped and dispatched lay piled in the sinkhole, the spring water flowing beneath them causing the bodies to bloat wretchedly. He quickly grabbed his pack and made his escape back to the clean early morning air.

He had been tracking the whereabouts of Inuyasha and his pack for some time before coming up with his plan to lure the group here. They had been traveling to villages who requested their assistance with demon attacks and just making themselves useful in the wake of Naraku's defeat. The whole pack didn't always travel together, but for sure Inuyasha and the miko Kagome always did, and that was more than enough. Using that information, he created the mystery of the missing girls, hinted to some humans passing through the village that there was a pack in Edo who helped villages with sudden misfortunes on their hand, and viola – Inuyasha and his group had come running like clockwork. It was just regrettable that he had to steal away so many girls before the village elders had begged for help from outsiders.

'Oh well,' he thought at the time, 'all part of the job.'

Kakumaru looked towards the east; the sun would be rising any minute now and with the storm dispersing, he mentally prepared himself for the summer humidity which was sure to hit later in the day. As if beckoned by his thought, the sun began to make its appearance, gently lighting the skyline in its warm salutation. He settled his pack on his shoulders and was about to head off to follow the miko when a mournful howl carried itself on the wind. It spoke of loss of one held dear, of tragedy and betrayal, of sorrow and wrath; Kakumaru knew the song well.

Shaking his head, he left the somber song behind him.

He would need to observe the girl before making his move to lure her west.

~oOo~

Inuyasha had been digging a grave overlooking the sea for so long that he had lost all sense of time.

The ground between forest and the edge of the cliff was all rock and clay and he had already chipped several claws digging deep enough to accommodate Miroku's body. Once he was satisfied with the depth, he carefully brought up every piece of the monk that he could and placed them reverently into the grave, face set in silent mourning. He wordlessly filled in the final resting place of his friend and set heavy stones over the top to prevent scavengers from reopening the site. As a final act, he firmly impaled Miroku's staff at the head of the burial site to act as a crude marker.

The sun began to slowly rise, illuminating the tranquil ocean which lapped pleasantly against the rocks below.

Inuyasha, unable to swallow the cry bubbling in his throat, threw back his head and howled dejectedly into the atmosphere.

A new day had arrived, like the one before it, and the one after it. The world continued to turn regardless of the circumstance, revolving towards a future full of the unknown and leaving the past in obscurity. This was the first day. The first day of the rest of Inuyasha's life with a broken pack. The first day which set him on a path to hunting down his best friend for answers. The first day of understanding absolute loss in the family that he had helped build up from nothing.

Inuyasha looked at the place where his friend was entombed and swallowed thickly, folding his hands into his sleeves. He knew he should probably say a few words before he left but was daunted by the task.

"I ah –," his voice cracked so he cleared his throat before trying again.

"I've never been really great with words, but you already knew that," his lips quirked up unhappily, "You were always there for me and I knew I could count on you no matter what. Even when times got tough and I didn't always make the best decisions, you were there to help keep us together."

He took a deep breath before continuing, "I know it's not enough, but I'm sorry I let this happen to you, I could have prevented this but I wasn't there…I failed you, you and Kagome," he choked on her name, "I swear to you that I'll take care of Sango and your pup. No matter what, they have my protection. And I promise that I'll find out what happened."

Inuyasha squeezed his eyes shut and fingered the prayer beads in his sleeve, and whispered so low he wasn't sure if he even spoke aloud, "I'll avenge you."

He stared at the staff. The ocean breeze caused the rings to jingle quietly, while the sunlight glinted off of its golden finial and reflected the light back out to sea. The entire scene was peaceful and maybe someday, Inuyasha would be able to appreciate the serenity of the moment.

But today was not that day.

Burning the location into his memory, Inuyasha took the first step towards home, carrying the burden of his grief and responsibility like a dark passenger the entire way.

~oOo~

Kagome swam serenely through the kelp forest surrounding her home, raven tresses floating balletically behind her. As the tranquil tide moved towards the shore, so too did the long strands of kelp; all of which swayed mesmerizingly as one with the ceaseless current.

Her scales glimmered as she wound her way through the shafts of sunlight which broke through the waves, illuminating sea creatures as they went about their business. She pushed herself languidly through the sea, wings and tail working in tandem to glide her effortlessly through the sparkling waters. She enjoyed these moments of solitude. Although she was never one to shy away from the attention, the mating proposal from Az had come as a surprise. She paused in her lonesome waltz through the sea as a school of fish swam beneath her.

No, that wasn't right, she thought, she wasn't surprised by the announcement; she knew the way he had felt. He had loved her for many years after all and she never told him explicitly she wouldn't mate him; not with her words at least. So, she basked in his love and continued to tease and flirt and fuck him and whoever else she deemed worthy, without any actual consideration to his feelings.

As long as she was happy, what did anyone else matter?

She began following behind the fish for a moment before dropping down to swim above the rocks, watching the natural beauty of the vibrant ecosystem around her.

When he had proposed, she had fled the antechamber as quickly as possible to get away from both her mother's disappointed gaze and Az's shocked one. Mizuki had only watched her exit from across the room and shot her sad smile with knowing pink eyes.

That look was worst of all, it all but screamed, 'All you do is run and hurt people. You're a selfish coward.'

And it was true. She always fled at the first sign of responsibility and commitment, always put herself first. When she was younger, she had done her best to act like someone else; a princess that her mother and her clan could be proud of. But it never took long until she felt like an imposter and reverted back to the endless unfulfilling lust which she surrounded herself with. Hiding her face behind a mask of overconfidence that she had made to cover up her shame. The shame of not living up to anyone's expectations. The shame of pretending to be someone who she clearly wasn't. The shame of disappointing everyone around her, especially her mother.

She was like a carousel, unable to avoid the thoughts and feelings that made her doubt herself because they always came around, and around, and around – in an endless pirouette of self-loathing and uncertainty.

She really was pathetic.

Kagome spotted movement above her and peered up. Mizuki waved timidly and pointed to the surface. Kagome nodded and made her way up.

When Kagome breached the surface, Mizuki was already floating on her back, her short seafoam green hair creating a spikey halo. Her white skin was dabbled with delicate pink scales while large black stripes adorned her koi fish tail. Black wing membranes and tail fin accented her prettily, while her round pixie-like face and gentle morganite eyes gave her sister a softness which Kagome didn't possess; combined with a shy and sweet personality – she made a perfect princess.

'Want to talk about it?'

Kagome sighed, joining her sister to float on her back and took her hand so they wouldn't drift away from each other, like they did when they were kids, "Talk about what, little Tora?' Kagome stuck out her tongue impishly.

'Ok fine, be that way Sushi,' they smiled at each other at the childhood nicknames, 'Whenever you're ready Shinkai, I'm here for you.'

'Shinkai?' she asked, confused, 'My name is Kagome.'

My name is Kagome.

Kagome felt like she was actively clawing her way back to consciousness. It started with a grogginess that morphed its way to increasing panic, like when someone wakes you from a deep sleep only to tell you that the house is on fire. She opened her eyes, confused at the scene which lay before her. Gone was the calming ocean and comforting face, in its place – pandemonium.

'Was I dreaming?' she thought, 'Am I still dreaming now?'

Kagome was standing in the middle of a village marketplace that she didn't recognize, chaos surrounding her. Several of the huts were on fire and there were multiple dead bodies strewn about the broken stalls and walkways. The rest of the villagers must have run away because, with the exception of the roaring flames, all was still. Kagome looked at her hands and was horrified to see blood coating black claws.

'Did I do all this?'

The memory of her transformation and Miroku's murder came flooding back to her and she gagged as bile rose in her throat. She fell to her knees and vomited. After several moments of dry heaving and panting, she wiped her mouth and looked down at herself. She was still wearing the yoga pants and blue long-sleeved shirt she had put on after her bath in the hot springs, but they were torn and filthy. Splatters of blood in different stages of decay covered her acting as a macabre indicator of the violence she had committed.

Kagome started to tremble; she didn't recognize herself. This lethal monster wasn't her; she was a miko, she helped people! 'How long have I been like this?'

She stood shakily, and made her way through the carnage, checking as she went to see if anyone left was alive and needed her help. Finding none, she helplessly turned and made her way into the surrounding woods. She needed to isolate herself somehow until she could get better control over what was happening to her. Kagome began to feel hunger pains.

As she walked through a well-worn game trail, she took inventory of her body. Kagome felt strong and alive in a way that she never had before. It was like all of her senses were cranked up to a thousand – it was overwhelming. She ducked underneath a low-hanging branch only to have one of her massive wings caught in the limb instead. Kagome freed herself and examined the new appendage, pulling it carefully around her body to better observe. She ran her fingers over the leathery violet membrane and shuddered slightly at the sensation, she could see thick veins crisscrossing the expanse and it seemed that the scales here were thicker than the ones on her hands. She concentrated on moving the wings and startled herself when they flapped, black talons cutting through the thick branch behind her like a hot knife through butter. She would need to be careful in how she moved around others as she could easily injure someone with her wings causing permanent damage.

Kagome continued her aimless trek until she heard the faint sound of running water in the distance. She turned her head to better pinpoint where the sound was coming from, leaving the trail for a more direct route to the source. After a few minutes she could smell the clean crisp water gurgling and came to clearing which housed a small creek cutting its way merrily through the forest. She walked to it and gratefully began to wash her hands, red tendrils flowing downstream as she scrubbed.

She wanted to wash her clothes too but couldn't figure out how to remove her shirt without completely tearing the material around her wings. At that point she would be walking around in just her bra and that thought didn't appeal to her. Kagome scrubbed as much of the dirt and grime off of her clothes as she could, feeling a modicum of relief seeing the filth flow away and her wet clothes cooled her some on this hot summer day.

Once she got off as much as she could, she slacked her thirst and looked at the black jewel protruding from her chest, Ikuchi's words haunted her.

'Miko, you will carry the Ningyo's youki and with it, my sssstone. I hunger and have determined that you will be the one to ssssusssstain me.'

Shinkai had said that Ikuchi lived within the Calamity Tempest Stone and fed on auras tinged with sex or violence. That at least explained her behavior and the aching hunger she felt.

"The Serpent King of Storms and Madness." she whispered.

She thought of Shinkai being eaten alive in her place, of Miroku's lifeless body, of all the death which had been surrounding her since she entered that cursed jewel like vultures drawn to fetid carrion. She squeezed her eyes shut, letting the self-pity and shame wash over her. How many innocent people had she killed in this state?

This was all Ikuchi's doing, she was sure of it, but how? And why? Kagome couldn't even discern if she was now youkai or human or something in between. She thought about her miko powers and tried to bring it to the surface, wanting to create a small orb in her upraised palm. Kaede had taught her the exercise to help her focus her powers and she had been practicing whenever she could. It appeared willingly within her hand, but instead of the bright pink holy power which she was accustomed to; it was laced with lavender colored youki. The two danced harmoniously within the orb for a moment before sputtering out. Kagome still didn't have great control over her powers, but was relieved to know that at least she still had them.

There was a snap of a twig breaking and her wings flared menacingly around her at the startling sound.

She turned her head to see a young deer youkai seemingly materialize from the woods. His proud crown of antlers dipped in a small bow as he entered the clearing.

"I mean you no harm," he said, holding his hands up peaceably, "I thought I smelt the ocean and I couldn't resist my curiosity. To my surprise I find a Ningyo! It's rare to see one so far from the sea." He smiled warmly, white spots that freckled across his nose and his cheeks scrunched handsomely.

"I – I'm sorry, but you should really leave. I'm not myself at the moment and I don't want to hurt you on accident." Kagome cast her eyes back to her hands, picturing the blood she had just laboriously scrubbed from them, from all the people she had unintentionally hurt and killed.

The deer shrugged, green eyes crinkled in amusement, "You seem perfectly fine, milady."

"Milady? Oh no, you must be mistaken. And I really have to insist that you go." She stood, there was no way she was going to hurt another innocent bystander, she had harmed enough people and needed to find a way to isolate herself and quickly.

"Oh, am I?" he shrugged, "My mother once told me a story of the Ningyo. She said that only the strongest females in their royal family had wings and their mighty queen had a stone lodged in her chest that let her control storms at will," he gazed pointedly at both wings and stone, "If my eyes do not deceive me, that makes you a queen."

Kagome paled, "There must be some kind of mistake, I'm no queen! I'm just Kagome! I'm sorry but I can't stay here, I need to find someone who can help me control whatever it is that's happening to me."

She struggled to breathe; this was all just too much. The sika youkai crossed his toned arms and seemed to be lost in thought, "Milady, I don't know what kind of help you need, but perhaps you may want to go west."

"Why west?"

"I hear that Lord Sesshomaru of the West keeps a powerful coterie of youkai on retainer, perhaps one of them could assist you."

"Lord Sesshomaru…"

The deer nodded pleasantly, "Yes milady, the Lord of the West does not assist merely anyone who comes knocking on his gates, but I'm sure since you are a queen, he would lend you his aide." He seemed to think, then tacked on nonchalantly, "He's very powerful you see, one of the strongest demons in the land. I heard that he helped in the defeat of Naraku!"

"To the west." Kagome said, lost in thought.

The sika smiled once more, "Yes milady. Just follow the setting sun and you will be there in a few days. His shiro is an easy journey through the mountains." He gave another polite bow, then turned to go.

"Wait! Why are you helping me? You don't even know me…" her voice tapered off.

The youkai chuckled, "My mother taught me to always help a demoness in need." He winked and melted back into the forest. Even with Kagome's heightened senses, she lost track of him as soon as he was out of sight through the trees.

"Sesshomaru." she murmured.

Kagome hadn't really given the demon lord much thought after their final fight with Naraku; things had been so hectic and her and her friends had been traveling so much as of late. He had played a pivotal role in the fight and she considered him an ally towards the end, but wasn't quite sure if that title carried over past the battle and into the present. The deer youkai had said that she was only a few days away from wherever he resided, that means she had traveled a significant distance away from the eastern seaside. The thought that she had been massacring villages along the way terrified her, creating an unbearable guilt inside her heart. Sesshomaru was a powerful inudaiyoukai, maybe he would have a way to help her or at least point her in the right direction.

A single thought pushed intrusively to the forefront, 'And all that youki he has, it could keep the hunger at bay for a long time.' She flinched, 'No! He's strong and fierce, he may be the only one who could stop me if it came down to it. I'd rather have him kill me than keep hurting all these people. It's the best I deserve after what I've done.'

Miroku's gouged face staring emptily at the cave ceiling haunted her. She would never be able to atone for what she had done, but she couldn't risk hurting any more of her friends. She should have asked Inuyasha to kill her in that cave instead of fleeing like a coward. But the thought of him mourning Miroku and the weight of killing her…she couldn't place that burden on him. The thought of Sango raising her child alone caused Kagome to choke back a sob.

After she found a way to become human again, she would return to Edo and forfeit her life to do whatever she could to atone for the sins she had committed. No matter the cost. Until then, she would carry this grief like a noose around her neck.

Wiping her eyes with the palm of her hand, mind made up, she began her journey to the west in hopes that Sesshomaru would be willing to help her.

And if not, perhaps he would put her out of her misery.

~oOo~

Kakumaru breathed a heavy sigh of relief as he watched the girl start once more towards the west.

He had been leading her in that direction for over a week now, flaring his youki blatantly to attract the beast towards the direction he wanted her to go and she followed hungrily behind. Occasionally they came across some humble travelers on their own journey though the countryside. Once in her sights she began to wreak havoc to satiate her madness momentarily before Kakumaru led her on again. It was an unfortunate turn events, one that he tried to limit as much as he could, but he had learned early on that if she wasn't able to catch him and consume his youki, she would deviate to find more suitable prey to fulfill the yawning ache which drove her.

It was a frustrating game of cat and mouse that they played.

They had stumbled upon this latest village completely by accident. He had been luring her a bit to the south to avoid the well-established trading town but had come across some traders. The men must have sensed the danger they were in because they immediately began to beg the siren for their lives and to let them return to their families just up the road. Kagome, encapsulated fully by her insanity and hunger, quickly dispatched the men and flew to the village to cause more chaos. Kakumaru was unable to redirect her attention with his own youki so he watched sadly from the tree line as she spent the last hour destroying buildings and slaughtering the townsfolk, consuming whatever measly aura they could provide.

Kakumaru had come to the conclusion that human auras did not keep her satiated for long. Her own wildly flaring aura had scared off any demons she could consume along their route well in advance. Yet the slaughter of so many villagers seemed to have sated her long enough to bring her out of her murderous daze and back into reality. He had watched as her eyes shifted back to the deep cerulean that indicated her returned awareness, and she came to the shameful conclusion that she had caused all the damage around her. This had been the first time since she unwittingly started this journey with him that she had regained her composure. Kakumaru observed with a heavy heart as she checked all the bodies for signs of life before slinking into the woods.

Leaving the forest to speak to her had been a calculated risk on his part, it was like he threw all his sense into a wishing well and wished that it would pay dividends in the future. He hoped that as the insanity took hold once more, her unconscious mind would remember the alleged help that the Lord of the West had to offer and if that didn't suffice, then perhaps just knowing the massive amount of youki which lurked on the other side of the mountains would interest her. Him dropping that piece of knowledge was no accident. It was a gamble, but not one that seemed to have any negative consequences either way.

The sika slipped quietly through the trees, booted feet silent through the underbrush, tracking the girl as she made her way across the forest floor, the scent of salty ocean tears trailed heavily behind her. He was glad that she was on foot, it made her easier to track. Whenever she took to the skies a sense of panic enveloped him at the thought of her disappearing forever. At least on foot he seemed to have the upper hand since she didn't seem to have any control over her abilities. Kakumaru wasn't one to be intimate with failure and he didn't want to start now.

He watched as Kagome stiffened, the change taking over her, and resigned himself anew.

'Back to work.' he mused gloomily before circling ahead of the siren and sending a teasing tendril of youki out to her.

Enraged, Kagome gave chase, crashing through the woods with a siren's shriek as she headed west.

~oOo~

It had taken Inuyasha two days instead of the previous four to make it back to Edo. Without the humans who constantly needed to stop, and the breakneck pace that he pushed himself towards, it took him no time at all. He set himself to the task of returning as quickly as possible, the goal gave him focus and he was able to push his dark passenger away momentarily. The physical exertion of the day coupled with his healing wound, left him exhausted at night which led to fitful slumber. He repeated the act the next day, only stopping when absolutely necessary.

Inuyasha had arrived in Edo at dusk the previous day and had meant to head right to Sango's hut on the outskirts of the village to share his news, but couldn't bring himself to do it.

'Let her get one last good night of sleep before her world comes crashing down.' he thought sympathetically.

It was late in the afternoon now. The heat of the summer sun combined with his own nerves left his neck and palms clammy with anticipation. He had been lurking in the foliage of Goshinboku since he arrived and was having difficulties taking the short trip back to the village. He kept playing how the situation would go in his mind; how Sango would cry, how he would have no good explanation to give her, how the realization of their situation would rush over her. It was a daunting task. So instead of hurrying to share the burden of the tragedy which he carried, he kept it to himself, sitting in the sacred tree while time slipped by and his anxiety worsened.

"Inuyasha! When did you get back? Did you find out what happened to those girls in the village?" Shippo called happily below, a small basket of herbs in his hands that he was gathering for Kaede.

Inuyasha was knocked out of his reverie and focused on the kit beneath him. Shippo would be hit with his own type of sorrow. Not only will he have to grieve the loss of his friend, but also the disappearance of his adopted mother who was implicated in the act.

Inuyasha squeezed his eyes shut, it was time to get this over with.

"Inuyasha, where are Miroku and Kagome?" Shippo inquired quizzically, green eyes scanning the surrounding forest in case they were trying to surprise him. He always loved a good surprise.

Inuyasha leapt down from his branch and picked up Kagome's yellow backpack from the foot of the tree. Mentally steadying himself, he swallowing to ensure his voice didn't crack then asked "Where's Sango?"

Shippo narrowed his eyes and set his basket down, "She should be by the river doing laundry. Why do you have Kagome's backpack?"

He couldn't look the kit in the eye, instead he started off to the river knowing Shippo would come along. Without hesitation, Shippo jumped onto Inuyasha's shoulder. The smell of tart yuzu, indicating his fear and rising panic, seeped into his usual summer grass scent causing Inuyasha's nose to crinkle slightly, ears drooping. The next hour was going to be tough on everyone.

The two walked through the woods in heavy silence until they came to the river which wound its way not far from the village. On a typical summer day, children would be splashing gleefully in the shallows while watchful mother's scrubbed laundry or fetched water for their cook fires. Luckily, with evening soon approaching, the villagers had already headed back to their homes leaving Sango alone to finish her chores. Inuyasha was thankful that they would be alone, it was best that no one else was here to witness their grief.

Inuyasha exited the forest with Shippo and the two made their way to the river. Sango, sensing movement behind her, turned defensively on reflex; her hidden blade on her wrist popped out with a snick, her other hand covered her belly protectively.

Recognizing Inuyasha and Shippo she tucked her blade away, laughing quietly to herself at her overreaction. Inuyasha tried to lock this carefree image of Sango into his mind. So much had happened to Sango over the years, mostly bad but recently, a lot of good. She had joyfully married Miroku and both were eager to start their lives together. To live in the joy that they had worked so hard to create for themselves. The pup which blossomed in her stomach was just one of the many indicators of their love. It was everywhere. From the home they adoringly built together, to the smile which never seemed to leave either of their faces when they were together, to the proud way that Miroku brought up his wife in every conversation. After everything that had happened, they were due for a win. And now, this tragedy would hang heavily on all their heads.

He took in her laughter, the protective hand over her stomach, the glow which seemed to wrap around her like a veil.

Turning, she smiled affectionately and said, "Inuyasha! You're back so soon, I wasn't expecting you all to return for another few days at least."

Inuyasha looked at his bare feet and set Kagome's bag down next to him.

The movement drew her brown eyes to the bag, then to the scene before her. Inuyasha with Kagome's bag. Hands shaking slightly. A look of defeat and shame in his eyes. Ears hung low.

Alone.

"Inuyasha?" she asked hesitatingly, "Where are Miroku and Kagome?" a slight tremor entered her voice, as her mind began to race, fearing the worst.

Shippo jumped down to sit on the ground next to Sango.

"I asked him the same thing," Shippo said laying a hand on her lap, "he didn't say anything, just asked where you were."

They both looked expectantly at their alpha.

"Sango," Inuyasha rasped falling to his knees in front of her, "I'm so sorry. Miroku, he's…Miroku's dead."

The river burbled on around them, carrying a piece of forgotten laundry downstream. It spun and bobbed in the current before being swept beneath the surface.

Sango's eyes widened in shock, tears welling within her brown orbs and spilling down her checks. She wrapped her arms around the swell of her stomach, a shuddering gasp wracking her frame.

"N – no, that can't be right," she whispered, "we're about to have a baby. He was so excited when we found out. He was excited to finally be a father, for us to broaden our family." A sob choked her and she clutched her stomach tighter still, tears flowing openly as she struggled to breathe.

The words that left Inuyasha's mouth were a thousand notched arrows. Each one making its mark into her soul, bringing their own small death with each hit.

"How…how could this have happened? It was supposed to be an easy job, just some missing village girls – nothing we haven't dealt with before." She desperately tried to make eye contact with Inuyasha who avoided her gaze. "Naraku's been gone for months and we've defeated powerful demons throughout our travels. Who was left that could have bested us?" She cried harder, her words slurring together as emotion trapped her in its relentless grip.

Inuyasha still couldn't meet her expectant gaze, his ears remained drooped and fists clenched tight, "It wasn't a powerful demon. Well, not exactly, I don't know how to say this!" He growled and punched the ground with his frustration, splitting his knuckles. All the scenarios he'd gone through in his head didn't actually prepare him for Sango's open grief. For the smell of tears and yuzu and the black charcoal of her grief.

"Inuyasha," Sango gasped moving to grip his haori causing him to flinch at the contact, "I deserve the truth, tell me what happened!"

Finally looking into her bloodshot eyes, Inuyasha managed to choke out, "It was Kagome. She killed Miroku."

Sango released him and stumbled backwards. Shippo, who had been quietly crying beside her began to sob in earnest at the confession.

"You're wrong!" he wailed, "M – mama would never hurt any of us. She didn't kill Miroku!" He threw himself into Sango's arms who held him tightly against her chest. Her own tears dripped into his unruly red hair, while his trickled into her kimono.

"Tell him he's wrong Sango, there's no way." he cried into her chest.

"It was her, but it wasn't at the same time. I don't understand what happened but she seemed to have transformed into a demon and was completely out of control. Her eyes were red and she wasn't all there like when my demon side takes over." Inuyasha tried his best to explain the situation but he didn't know enough about what happened to reassure himself, let alone anyone else. He felt uncomfortably out of his depth and it showed.

"She seemed to have come back to her senses towards the end, but at that point Miroku was already gone. She told me to run, that she couldn't control what was happening to her, but I couldn't move." Inuyasha said shamefully. "She took off and left me in the cave." He hesitated, "There was no way I could bring him back here, so I buried his body on the cliffside by the sea."

The fox and the taijiya cried harder, hugging each other tightly as they listened to the tale. Inuyasha pulled the prayer beads from his sleeve and handed them to Sango. She gripped them, the reality of the situation finally dawning on her.

Miroku was truly gone.

Kagome had done it, but not on purpose.

She was going to be raising their child alone.

Alone.

"I'm so sorry Sango. A demon had attacked us and I sent Miroku off to find Kagome. If I would have just gone with him, I could have prevented all this. I was too caught up in the fight and wasn't there when they needed me. I failed them. I was supposed to protect them and I didn't."

Inuyasha squeezed his eyes shut at the pain he felt. At the guilt and the shame that had been gnawing at him since that night. At the heartache he had caused his packmates who relied on him to keep them all safe. Lost in his own inadequacies, he was surprised when Sango pulled him into a hug, the kit and her pregnant belly squished between them.

"It's not your fault," she murmured, "You've always done your best to protect all of us. It's not your fault that this happened. Doesn't sound like it's Kagome's fault either. Thank you for doing what you could. And…thank you for burying him." she sniffled wetly into his shoulder, trying to gain her composure, but failing miserably.

His breathe whooshed out of his lungs at the taijiya's words and he returned her embrace. The pain was still there lacing his every thought, but the balm of her words helped soothe him momentarily. He had been so worried that she would blame him for her mate's death and hate him. Then he would lose more members of his family and be alone once more. It was a selfish thought, not wanting to be alone in this tragedy but one he couldn't deny.

And that's how the three of them stayed on the bank of the river, as the sun began to set behind the trees; the half-demon, the full demon, and the demon-slayer, wrapped up in each other's embrace, sharing their grief equally between them, finding what little comfort they could within their improvised family in the wake of their tremendous loss.

Today was the first day. The first day that they would live in the wake of the sorrow that bound them and where they set themselves on the path to heal, together.

~oOo~

A/N: The chapters will lighten up, I promise. And our favorite inudaiyoukai will finally be making his appearance next chapter as Kagome heads west! Thank you so much for your time, be sure to leave some kudos or a comment to motivate me along! 😊