A/N: Sorry for the little delay!
Chapter 6: The Break-Up
Bella POV:
I turned around, got into my car and drove away. Stupid Edward. What kind of talk was that? So apparently he needed to leave. Since when? Couldn´t he have told me that sooner? Something was off about it, I simply couldn't believe it. Or I didn't want to believe it, a nagging voice at the back of my head whispered. Maybe it was all too good to be true. To think that such an interesting and special person could ever love someone bland and ordinary like you? Foolish girl you are!
I shook my head to block out the nagging thoughts that kept coming. I needed to stay calm. For my own sake. There was always an explanation for everything. No need to rush into stressful thoughts. Everything will be alright again. Maybe this whole conversation was the result of some kind of stupid vampire hormones. Something like that. You´ll never know. It wouldn't be the weirdest thing that had happened to me. I actually had to laugh at that. Everything would be alright again, I knew for sure.
I drove to my house and opened the door.
´Dad?´ I yelled. No one answered. Maybe he had to work a bit later than usual.
I went inside my room and I thought I went mad. I knew for sure I left the CD that Edward had given me for my birthday, right next to my bed. It wasn't there anymore. But I knew I left it there, I knew it. I also knew Charlie would never enter my room, not even to quickly pick something up.
It will be as if we'd never existed.
That son of a… He wouldn't really go inside my room to remove something like that, would he? Something so dear to me. My most precious gift. He wouldn't really take that from me? How could he? How could he take something so important to me? What gives him the right? I knew he hadn't had a beating heart since the 1900s, but this was just plain cruel. Who would do such a thing?
Someone who clearly only thinks about himself, my inner saboteur said. However, she was right. He couldn't just do that. I really mustn't have meant much to him, if he could be so cruel. And that last thought hurt, more than I let Edward see. More than I wished it hurt. More than it should hurt. Maybe I loved him more than he loved me. I could look past him being a vampire meanwhile he couldn't look past me being human. I am human. We don´t fit. That's what he said.
Suddenly, I felt the hard wooden floor under my kneecaps. Did I fall? I couldn't hold my weight anymore. I heard Charlie coming home. I heard him running up the stairs. I heard him entering my room. He never does. He must have seen me on the floor. I felt his arms around me, soothing me.
´It's alright, Bells. It might not feel alright right now, and it will not feel alright for a long time. But it will feel alright again.´ He comforted me. Oh, just my luck. Of course, he already heard the Cullens left Folks. The perks of a small town! But I couldn't really be bothered. I heard some sobs before I realised they were my own. I cried in Charlie's arms for the first time since I was a baby. I cried until my eyes hurt. I cried until I could not cry anymore. I cried until I was tired. It was exhausting.
´Thank you, Dad,´ I spoke softly. ´He left. He really left. It´s over.´ I was devastated.
´That moron,´ he murmured. Despite everything, I had to smile a little bit at that statement. He was right though, that moron. Suddenly leaving, who does he think he is? Instead of the overtaking sadness, I also felt a little bit angry. Yeah, that moron!
´I want the cheesiest and greasiest pizza you can find. And I want to watch a comedy on TV tonight,´ I ordered my dad. Post-break-up comfort food is exactly the kind of thing I need right now.
´Ay ay, captain,´ he said as he got up and went downstairs to order a pizza.
I felt strange. I literally just got my ass dumped. I was angry. At Edward. I was sad. For myself. I felt empty. And I strangely felt comforted by my dad, which was new. We ate the pizza in silence and I went to bed early. Edward haunted my dreams as expected and I woke up tired.
The school was horrible. People were watching me and I didn't like it at all. I avoided eye contact most of the time. During lunchtime, I tried to sit alone and let myself wallow in self-pity. I mean, I was allowed to do that, right? But Jessica and Angela were having none of that as they sat right next to me.
´Hey,´ Angela started.
I looked up and returned their greetings.
´Hey.´
´So…,´ Jessica took over. ´How are you?´
I´ve decided that it was best to be honest, as they could probably see the dark circles under my eyes and the sadness that lay in them.
´I feel horrible.´
Jessica took my hand in hers. I didn't know how to react, since she had never done that before. She gave me a warm smile.
´Listen Bella. I know we haven't really bonded over the last couple of months and that's okay,´ she quickly added. I immediately felt guilty since she was right; we haven't really bonded since I spend most of my time at the Cullen´s. Oh, how fun that had turned out. ´But that doesn't mean we will let you wallow in pity. Girl, we will help you!´ She and Angela both looked at me expectantly. I simply nodded my head.
´Cancel your plans for after school. We will have a little girls night,´ Angela added. It could not be worse than what I was feeling right now, so I might as well give it a try. Maybe, just maybe, it will help me heal. I would take anything that would give me even the slightest feeling of calm again.
Funny how people react differently than how you expect them to react. I thought Edward loves me. Well… I thought Charlie didn't hug. Well… And I thought Jessica wasn't quite fond of me. Well…
…
Later that night, I arrived at Jessica´s. Angela was already there. That night, they had planned a simple movie marathon. But what I didn't know is that they had planned a whole ´to get Bella back to her feet´ arsenal. Over the course of the next few weeks, they had planned movie nights, face masks Saturdays and little post-break-up cupcake baking contests. I was a downer and I didn't want to participate in all their activities, but they basically forced me to. I even had to run on some lovely rainy Sundays because that would get my endorphins running. They said, but it didn't help. But after another movie night, I felt something in me change. I was still sad. I was still angry. I was still heartbroken. And I still wished Edward was here with me. But I also felt something else. I felt… like myself again. All those meaningless silly movies didn't make me feel any better, but the fact that these two girls took so much effort into fixing my messy break-up. It felt great. No, it felt damn near awesome. I knew I had lost Edward, but I knew I had made two great friends. And for that, I felt happy.
Edward POV:
I felt horrible. No, worse than horrible. I was broken. Defeated. There was nothing left of me anymore. That might sound a little bit more too emo-like for most, but it was the truth for me.
Regret sank in, the minute I saw Bella drive away. I had to stop myself from running after her, begging her to forgive me. I would love to spend every day with her, even if it meant I had to beg her to forgive me. But I couldn´t, I told myself. I couldn´t. I needed to make this as easy as I could, for her. That's what she deserves.
I rushed to her house. Seeing her window, knowing what I was about to do and knowing it would be the last time I entered her house, hurt me more than I already was. I knew I had to take my CD with me. It was filled with love. She had to cry because it was the most perfect gift she had ever received, she said. If I left it there, she would never get over me. She would grieve. She would long for me, just as much as I longed for her. I didn't want that. She needed to be freed from me. She had to be freed from the grip I had over her to become happy again. I took the CD in my hands, rushed out of the window and didn't look back.
I ran for what felt like hours. It didn't stop the nagging feeling I had inside of me. I needed to go to my family, and I didn't feel like driving there. I needed to keep myself busy. I needed to do that, in order to not turn around and start begging her to forgive me. To take me back. No, I couldn't do that. I wouldn't do that. That was not fair to her. So instead I tried everything I could to avoid thinking about Bella and what I had done to her. Avoid thinking about the looks she gave during our last days together. Avoid thinking about the last passionate kiss we shared when I had planned to leave her. Avoid thinking about her scent, her hair, her face, her humour, her intelligence, her beauty, her love for me. Avoid thinking about the fact she made me feel whole. Avoid thinking about the fact that she was a part of me, she had me. Avoid thinking about the fact that I love my family so very much, but she gave my life… A meaning. She brought happiness into my life. I needed her just as I needed blood to survive. I couldn't live without her. I need to turn around. Turn around! No, you can´t!
Damn it! I hoped with everything I had in me that she was coping with our departure better than I was. I really hoped she was.
I ran to New York, where my family will stay for the next few years. Unfortunately, I wasn´t exhausted. I hoped I would be, but I wasn´t. As expected, Alice met me and I felt a strong deja-vu crashing over me. Didn´t we do the same thing just a few days ago, when I had made up my mind about leaving Bella? Wasn´t she also angry at me at that time? Didn´t I also not want to talk about it then? Well, I sure as hell didn't want to talk about it right now. I was barely holding it together right now, I could not handle other opinions.
´I´m just worried,´ Alice said. ´But I won't interfere, I promise.´
At least that was something. It was probably the best I could get right now.
´I know you´ve wanted to say your goodbyes to her, I know. But I really think this is the best option,´ I said. I couldn't even say her name out loud. Pathetic. And I'm only myself to blame for that.
´I'll try Edward. For you. But please know that it´s not easy for me. I can see how you both will react and cope with this in the future. And besides, your problems are all in your head. Please just talk to Bella about them, she will understand,´ she begged.
´I CAN'T, Alice!´ I shouted. ´I NEED to try this. She DESERVES to be happy. I WANT her to be happy. I WANT her to live a long and happy life.´ I was furious. ´So please, don´t tell me how we will cope with this. It's so hard for me to restrain myself from going back to Forks. I want to go back to Forks. I want to beg her for the lies I've fed her. But I can´t and I won´t, because more than anything; I want her to live a normal, happy and long life. So I need to try this, Alice. For Bella. For her sake.´
Alice slowly walked over to me. I didn't know how she would react to that, but she simply hugged me tightly. I wrapped my arms around her in response. I hadn't realised I was shaking. I was leaning onto her, my knees almost gave up. She had to support me. I cried tearless sobs onto her shoulder. She whispered; ´I´m sorry Edward. I´ll let you deal with this and I won't interfere. If you need any help, I´ll always be there.´ We stood there for hours.
Eventually, we went inside the house. Carlile and Esme immediately pulled me into a tight embrace. Jasper was nowhere to be soon, and I could only imagine the immense amount of pain he must have felt radiating off of me.
Rosalie and Emmett went to Vancouver for a couple of months. I was happy with that since I didn't want to hear Rose´s disapproving thoughts. She never liked Bella, she always thought she would be a threat to our lifestyle. On top of that, she couldn't understand why I was so intrigued with Bella and why I was distressed right now since she was only human. I wouldn't miss her thoughts that much right now.
Carlisle pulled away first; ´we won´t tell you what to do Edward. Just know that we will be there for you.´
I nodded. Esme added; ´we love you.´
For some reason, I couldn't bear to be near any of my family members anymore, so I excused myself and went into my room. In my head, I already felt like a burden to them. The room was dark, as a perfect metaphor for my overall mood right now. I sat down and let the darkness consume me.
Bella POV:
It had been three months since Edward left. Three long months. Three stupid months. Three painful months but also three cheerful months. Three months with ups and downs. I still longed for Edward, that hadn't changed. And I still miss him terribly, that unfortunately has not changed as well. I still feel that a part of me is missing.
On the other hand, if Edward had never left, my friendship with Jessica and Angela has not blossomed into what it is right now. I actually had to thank Edward for that. They both saw that I was miserable, and made sure to help me ´get over him.´ As if I ever could, but anyways... After the first successful night, we made sure that we would have a weekly girls night, where we would watch silly movies and bake break-up cakes. I lived for those nights.
I had told them everything about Edward that I could tell. Not that he is a vampire, of course. But I told them Edward was my first love. I told them I loved him very deeply. I told them it broke me to see him leave. But I haven't told them that on the night of my birthday, an accident nearly happened. You can never be too sure in a small town like this. Maybe my dad could hear it someday and I didn't want that to happen.
Speaking of my dad, since I didn't spend a majority of my time in the Cullens estate anymore, we bonded. We weren't really talkative before, so it was a nice change. We didn't talk a lot, though. However, it was still comfortable to just tell him a little bit about my day and him doing the same. It wasn´t as quiet as it was before. We had each other. It was good, I thought to myself as I quickly jumped out of the shower and put a towel on.
I moisturized my legs and blow-dried my hair. I´ve put on a half long buttoned-down skirt, a hoodie and my sturdy boots. I put a hairband in my hair and I was ready to go because I had a date tonight and I was looking forward to it!
I greeted my dad, told him I went home early and got into my car. I started driving to the movie theatre. I didn't have a date with a boy or a man, but with myself! It was an idea Jessica proposed and I liked it very much. I wasn't ready to date anyone at this moment since I was still heartbroken about Edward. It would not have been fair to anyone at this point. But that didn´t mean I could not have a great date. With myself. It might be a little weird, but hey. As Ru Paul once said; if you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else? And at this point, I needed this. I needed these fun little trips. They helped me heal. So once a month I dressed up and went to the movies alone. I bought myself the largest bucket of popcorn and just simply treated myself to a great night.
I arrived at the theatre and bought some snacks. I didn't want to watch a romantic movie for obvious reasons. I also didn't want to watch a horror movie since they might contain vampires and I didn't want to see them for obvious reasons. So instead I settled for a light-hearted comedy. This was a luxury I needed to indulge in. It felt amazing. I let the movie consume me. I laughed at the silly jokes. I rolled my eyes at the way too obvious conversations and I simply engaged in the storyline.
Once the movie ended, I gathered my things and walked over towards my car. I saw something dark standing right next to it. Could it be? My eyes might be deceiving me, I thought. Coming closer I simply gasped. I really saw someone standing right next to it. Could it really be? Was I imagining things? Thank goodness I dressed semi-nicely, I thought.
I ran towards that person whom I had correctly recognised from the distance and timidly said; ´hey.´
He looked at me and said; ´hello Bella.´