A/N: I hope this chapter finds everyone in good health. If you followed 'When Time Stands Still' when it was posted last year, you will notice a slight deviation from the original version beginning with this chapter. As always, thank you for reading! Your reviews have all been motivating and kind!
Thank you to 'kmk1119' and 'M.' for lending me their eyes. Their insight and guidance have proven to be invaluable with this chapter.
Shannon
When Time Stands Still
Chapter 6
Lou's eyes opened slowly, her gaze focusing on a particular spot of light reflecting on the ceiling. She exhaled forcefully, knowing by the way the morning sun streaked across the bedroom that she had slept longer than she intended.
The balance between restful sleep and early rising was a tricky one in her present state — a concept she had yet to fully master.
The summer's heat was sweltering, and in Virginia, that meant the days were long, sweaty, and demanding. If she did not take advantage of the reprieve the early morning had to offer, the humidity would make the air feel heavy, press down on her shoulders, and wear her down by noon.
She laid there for a moment, quiet, her mind churning with the long list of chores needing to be done today. The back of her hands rubbed her eyes, allowing the grog of her sleep to lift.
The events of last night were still fresh in her mind, and if it weren't for the letters that were splayed across the desk, she would have sworn her conversation with Thomas was all some dream.
She laid there for a moment watching the curtains billowing softly in the breeze. Its touch was pleasant but cool, causing Lou to shiver.
She looked down toward her feet in amusement. Her tanned body, a stark contrast to the white linens, now lay naked and exposed. The lightweight quilt that tucked her into bed just a few short hours ago now twined around her legs.
"What in the world...?" She muttered, turning her head to see the fabric of her nightgown pooled on the floor by her bed.
"Oh, for heaven's sake!"
She shook her head, glad in the fact that no one was there to witness the spectacle, and by examining her disposition, Lou wagered she had fought another demon in her sleep again — and lost.
Shedding her clothing was something she often did as a child and scoffed when she remembered how her father used to detest the behavior, calling it rude and unladylike. The sisters at the orphanage weren't any different. She always did it without any thought, an attempt, she supposed, to feel free and unrestricted.
Lou imagined the kind of reactions the boys would have given her had she done such a thing in the earlier days of living in the bunkhouse. She grinned, knowing the repercussions would have been much worse than the swimming hole incident with Teaspoon.
A groan, which sounded more like a hefty old-timer than the petite woman that she was, escaped her lips as she hoisted herself up with the help from the bedpost, her legs shuffling off the side of the bed, getting their bearings before she stood. The task, she observed, was becoming increasingly harder each passing day.
Lou cupped her tender breasts in her hands as if trying to lift the weight off her chest. It was hard for her to imagine that these 'things' would sustain a newborn child's life in just a few short months.
Her lips curled into a smile, "Look who's got 'em, now, Rachel," she said under a proud breath. Her cheeks pinkened with embarrassment, remembering the awkward conversation she had with her friend in the barn nearly two years ago.
Had it only been two years?
Little did she know, that conversation would be the start of a beautiful friendship.
She could still hear the southern woman's voice in her head.
"The good Lord gave women breasts for one purpose and one purpose only; to nurse children. Now, the fact that some of those children grow up to be men who still see women as their wet nurses, well, it's just our way of separatin' the wheat from the chaff."
Lou's cheeks flushed a deeper crimson as impure thoughts of Kid entered her mind. He may be a true southern gentleman, but she was no fool. She knew his desires were no different than any other man when it came to a woman's body, and she longed for the day she would once again be able to replace her hands on her breasts with his.
She fanned herself fervently, the room suddenly feeling stuffy and void of air.
Lou's hair, damp with sweat and a disheveled mess from last night's sleep, had strayed out of its braid. The summer's heat made her second-guess the decision to grow it out, causing her to think it was more trouble than it was worth.
She studied the scissors lying on the desk, staring them down like an experienced gunfighter, challenging them to the first move. She backed down, opting instead for the ivory hairbrush lying next to them.
Lou traced her fingers along the engraved initials of 'L.M.' on the handle, then began brushing her hair in long, slow strides, calculated and deliberate.
By the time she and Kid had arrived in Fredericksburg back in the early spring, her hair was already nearing her mid-back. In their last few weeks together before retiring to sleep, Kid would lay in the bed, contently prop himself up on one elbow, watching her brush her hair, waiting patiently for her to join him.
Even when her back was turned from him, Lou could feel his eyes gaze upon her, leaving her skin tingle with desire.
Kid surprised her one night, coming up behind her, taking the brush out of her hand.
"Let me." He said sweetly.
She willingly complied, closing her eyes as he brushed her hair in long, slow strides. The gesture calmed her, relaxing her instantly. She never realized she could miss a simple thing so much.
Now she stood in the same room all alone, holding onto the brush her husband had given her as a birthday present as if she were holding on to his promise that he would one day return.
Lou's eyes were a dark void as she stared at an unknown point in the distance. Her body physically standing there, but her heart — her soul, she imagined, had left with Kid those months ago.
She tried hard to escape the thoughts in her mind, swirling around like the ever-present dark cloud that this war seemed to bring. She felt neglected, left to rot while her mind picked her apart bit by bit.
The curtain whipped about in the breeze, causing her to flinch as it blew against her naked form, evoking her need to dress for the day.
Her five-minute struggle with the pair of slacks she had just worn the day before left her feeling defeated, throwing them against the wall in a fit of frustration after they refused to button up all the way.
"Damn things!" Lou exclaimed as she sat breathless on her bed, her arms crossing her chest in defiance, pouting as though she were a child.
She realized her only other option at this point was to wear her skirts, at least until she was able to travel into town and find suitable clothing options to fit her expectant form.
A loud rumbling came from her stomach, the ever-telling growl warning her that she needed to eat soon or face the consequences.
"I know. I know. Better get you fed before your mama gets green in the gills."
Lou walked downstairs and into the kitchen, making herself some plain oatmeal and black coffee, thankful that her body was tolerant of food this morning. She had learned the hard way, keeping her meals light and bland, minimizing the effects of a heavy belly in the hot sun.
On the front porch, the chains of the swing creaked as she leaned back to sip her cup of coffee. One foot tucked underneath her while the other foot dangled down, pushing off with her bare toes, barely reaching the deck boards below.
The hot liquid scalded the back of her throat, helping eliminate any remnants of sleep. Reaching into her apron pocket, she pulled out the few photographs and clippings that Thomas had shown her the night before.
Both had stayed awake into the wee hours of the morning writing to the other, each growing accustomed to their newfound reality. The conversation was pleasant, but mostly one-sided, consisting of Thomas acquainting her with his version of modern marvels.
Lou never imagined how an innocent question such as, 'What's the future like, Thomas?' could make her head hurt so much, and quickly discovered that the future was much more complicated than she could ever have dreamed.
But their conversation nearly ended before it had a chance to begin when Lou found out that Thomas's sense of humor rivaled that of Cody's, making her think that everyone in the year 2001 could read minds. Lou, in turn, believed that Thomas had the ability to read hers, a thought which scared her half to death.
After learning he was only pulling her leg, Lou dished out a few choice words for him until she was satisfied Thomas had learned a valuable life lesson: Louise McCloud was a force to be reckoned with.
Nonetheless, Lou's interest in the future never waned, and she sat reading contently the information Thomas had offered to share.
He explained in great detail the practical uses of a thing called electricity and its power, going to great lengths to show her magazine clippings and photographs of lit Christmas trees, power lines, and tall buildings illuminated in colorful neon lights.
She had looked down at the photos that she held within her hands, each displaying shades of vibrant colors she had never seen before, touching them as though she expected to feel this so-called 'e-lec-tri-city' jump from the picture and into her fingertips. It was magical, almost like each lightbulb was like a tiny, little sun. She was mesmerized by its beauty, leaving her wanting to know more about this world Thomas lived in.
Her fingers flipped to the following picture, wrinkling her nose in disgust when learning that the outdoor privies had become a standard feature inside a home. He tried to convince her it was a positive innovation. Still, Lou was unable to grasp the concept of how something so unpleasant could be just a few feet away from where one ate or slept, how the touch of a lever could whisk one's 'business' away without ever having to be buried.
She shook her head, putting the photos back in her pocket, knowing she would never be able to share them with anyone — knowing these photos alone were evidence enough to lock her up in some insane asylum.
And it's a shame, too.
The postcard of the McCloud Ranch alone would be enough to prove to Teaspoon that the horse, in fact, did not become obsolete to the velocipede as he once suggested they would. Rather, their antiquation came decades later with a newfangled invention of something called 'the automobile.'
Lou sipped on her coffee, becoming lost in her thoughts until off in the distance, she heard the faint sound of hoofbeats. Looking up, she could see a distinct cloud of dust trailing toward her down the long, pebbled drive.
She stood cautiously, her hand clutching the gun that was deep within the pocket of her apron. In the three months, she had lived in the house, there had never been a single visitor, and she'd be damned if anything were to catch her off guard now.
She leaned against the post of the front porch, her free hand poised above her eyes to shield the sun, squinting to see any clue of the stranger coming up the drive.
Lou could feel her body relax upon hearing a female's voice, seeing a small covered carriage emerging from the canopy of trees.
"Whoa! Whoa there!" A woman hollered, pulling tightly on the reins until the horse came to a halt.
Lou stepped off the porch, carefully walking over to the carriage to grasp the bridle of the chestnut horse, opening her other hand to gently caress its muzzle, offering soothing sounds to calm him down.
"Somethin' I can help you with, ma'am?" Lou inquired, turning her head to greet the young woman, her voice instinctively lower as if it bore extra protection.
"I'm sorry if I've disturbed you, Ms…?" The woman questioned, raising a brow as she extended a gloved hand to Lou in greeting, her voice sounding as sweet as honey in her refined southern accent.
"It's Mrs...McCloud. Louise McCloud." She smiled sheepishly as she returned the greeting, shaking the young woman's hand as she stood there admiring her appearance.
She was a picture of beauty with her hair piled high atop her head, dark auburn wisps of curls spilling out from under her light blue hat, a remarkable contrast to the woman's fair skin. And even though her lacy white gloves discreetly hid her hands, Lou knew those fingers had never seen a day of manual labor in her whole life.
Lou's eyes examined the intricate lace design on the dress's bodice, the way it tapered at the waist, flowing into a colorful pattern of embroidered flowers that trailed down the length of the full silk skirts — all tell-tale signs of European fashion, she was certain.
But her keen eye also observed the ever-so-slight discoloration of the silk, the unraveled threads — areas where the skirt had been mended many times over, suggesting that even the well-to-do weren't immune to the hard times this war has brought on.
"It's a pleasure to meet your acquaintance, Louise! You're actually just the person I was hoping to see! My name is Eliza Townsend. This here is Jep." She boasted, smiling brightly as she looked down at a little boy seated next to her, who, if Lou had to guess, wasn't a day over five years old.
A corner of Lou's mouth lifted, seeing the boy trying his best to hide behind the woman's back.
"Now, Jep! That's not very cordial. Where are your manners, young man?"
Jep leaned over, sizing Lou up and down, peeking through his own blonde, curly locks, but remained silent.
"Pleased to meet you, Eliza." Lou smiled, tilting her to one side, trying to catch a glimpse of the boy's eyes before she acknowledged him with a single nod, "Jep."
At the sound of his name, the boy sought refuge once again, this time placing his hands over his face.
"I do apologize. He really is a sweet little boy, although painfully shy."
Lou smiled, "Oh, that's alright, between you and me, it's the shy, quiet ones that seem to capture my heart." She said, winking at the boy, catching a glimmer of a little smile on his lips.
Her attention turned back to Eliza, her brow furrowed in concern, "I'm sorry ma'am, but did you say you'd hoped to..."
"Oh, heavens! You must think I'm a complete ninny!" She exclaimed, startling Lou with her interruption.
"Yes! I had traveled into town this morning, paying a visit to the Post Office and the Mercantile, as I do every Tuesday, '' Eliza said, continuing.
"Mr. Evans, the postmaster, asked if I would be able to deliver this to you since I would be riding past your property on my way home." She stated, pulling a letter out of a basket that was sitting on the seat next to her.
"He wanted to let you know that he wished to have given it to you himself but hadn't seen you in town as of late."
She extended her arm, giving the envelope to Lou, lowering her tone of voice, "I know how one's life can hang in the balance when waiting on word from a loved one, especially with the war going on."
She paused, looking Lou in the eyes. "I really hope this letter offers you good news."
Lou's eyes grew wide, her hand shaking as she anxiously took the letter from the woman's hand, gliding her fingers across the written words on the envelope as if it were made of gold.
"I hope so too." She replied in a whisper, her eyes refusing to look away from the letter.
"Thank you, Eliza, for going out of your way to bring it to me."
The woman grinned, "Pish Posh! No trouble at all! I actually don't live far, just live a stone's throw down the old sunken road, a red brick home, about a few miles that way — can't miss it!"
Lou looked to the direction Eliza was pointing in, shielding her eyes from the sun, but hadn't managed to see anything but the green trees swaying in the summer breeze.
The woman gently placed her gloved hand on her torso, "Of course, with this baby coming in just a couple of months, I suspect my travels into town won't happen as often as I would like!"
For the first time, Lou acknowledged the modest midsection of the young woman, although, in her defense, the voluptuous skirts didn't make it easy to recognize.
"Sometimes, I think September can't get here soon enough!"
"You must be thrilled!" Lou found herself smiling, subtly lowering her hand down to middle, thinking about January and the arrival of their own child.
"We are, indeed! Aren't we, Jep?" Eliza exclaimed, beaming as she looked down at the boy.
"Although, circumstances are not ideal, with the war and all..." Her voice trailed off.
Lou lowered her head, looking at the gold wedding band on her finger, and found herself twisting it around her thin finger, understanding the feeling behind the woman's words.
"No, they sure aren't." Her gaze shifted back to the young woman, "Is your husband...?"
Eliza nodded as she stared off into the distance, "He joined The Cause back in February, serves under General Jackson himself!" The young woman's chin was held high as if holding back a tear or boasting with pride —Lou wasn't sure which.
"He couldn't wait to leave and do his part!"
Eliza looked back to Lou, "And what about your husband, Louise? Did he join The Cause too?"
The Cause.
Those two words put together have always managed to make her skin crawl, and Virginians especially seem to throw the phrase into the wind, hoping it will catch on like a wildfire.
Lou nodded slowly, finding her fingers mindlessly playing with a tattered corner of the envelope, "We arrived here from Nebraska Territory at the beginning of April. He left for Richmond about a month later."
"I figured you weren't from these parts!" Eliza exclaimed.
A corner of Lou's mouth lifted, showing a weak attempt at a smile.
"Truth is, I'm not sure about anythin'. Don't know where he is, how he's doin', or …" She swallowed, "... or worse. I suppose that's what's been the hardest part of all — the waitin' and not knowin'."
"I sure wish I could tell you it gets easier as the time goes on, Louise," Eliza said sincerely.
The young woman's body leaned towards Lou, her voice sweet with sincerity, cupping her hand within hers, "What I can tell you is I do understand."
Lou squeezed the young woman's hand back, acknowledging the sentiment.
"Louise, I know this may seem forward, being as we just met and all, but it would be my honor if you and I could get to know one another."
The young woman continued, "It gets mighty lonesome out here — waiting all by one's self."
"I...I'd like that, Eliza. I'd like that a lot."
The woman's smile was bright as she turned to the little boy.
"Well, Jep! We best be heading home now and leave Mrs. McCloud to read her letter." The woman looked down at Jep, nudging him with her elbow.
The little boy waved his hand, never uttering a single word during the visit.
Eliza shook her head, "Well, I suppose when you live with someone that does enough talking for three people…he's probably learned he can't get a word in edgewise!" She quipped, content with laughing at herself.
Lou chuckled, turning to speak with the little boy, "Well, I sure hope I get to see that handsome smile of yours the next time I see you, Jep! That is if you can smile."
The boy couldn't help but crack a grin, revealing a blackened void where a front tooth should have been.
Lou's own smile spread broadly across her face as she turned back to say goodbye to the woman.
"Thank you once again for bringing me my letter, Eliza. It means a lot."
The young woman winked, "That's what neighbors are for!"
Lou watched them ride down the long drive until they turned down the dirt road, waiting until she was alone before walking back toward the porch swing to read the letter.
As if on cue, she felt Jesse brush his body against her leg.
She looked down at the black cat, his blue eyes full of mischief as he stared back at her, waiting.
"What are you lookin' at?" She asked.
"I know, I know! I haven't done a damn thing today, which reminds me? You get that mouse yet?"
The cat tilted his head as if confused.
"That's what I thought! Go on, now! Shoo!"
She unfolded the letter, the handwriting immediately recognizable, and suddenly Lou found herself tangled in a bundle of nerves, wondering what news could be awaiting her.
With the lack of mail since their arrival in the spring, Lou was elated to have received anything at all, but if she were honest, there was a slight disappointment that this wasn't the letter she had hoped and prayed for the past two months.
"June 04, 1862,"
She read the date aloud, shaking her head as she noted that one whole month had passed since the day it was written.
Dearest Louise,
It was hard to contain my excitement when Teaspoon surprised me with your letter at the schoolhouse this morning. So much so that I let the children have the rest of the day off! They'll think better of it tomorrow when I have them practice their penmanship by sending you a letter of gratitude!
Buck, Teaspoon, and I gathered together in the schoolyard while reading your letter, relieved in the fact that you and Kid had made it to Virginia unscathed.
There is not an hour of any day that has gone by where we don't think about you two.
Of course, you know that Buck is working alongside Teaspoon as Deputy Marshal. I think the job suits him just fine, but I can see a certain sadness in his eyes, a light that doesn't shine as bright as it once did. I know he misses you all so much, but between you and me, I think it has more to do with the day after tomorrow being the anniversary of Ike being gone. How can so much change in one year, Louise?
We haven't heard hide nor hair from Jimmy in a few months, but we plan on forwarding your letter to him in Seneca, which, as far as I know, is where he's still residin' with Rosemary Burke. Teaspoon won't say much about the matter, but I sure wish Jimmy would come to his senses and cut ties with that woman. She's been nothin' but bad news from the beginning, dividin' our family when they needed each other the most. It still pains me that because of that woman, y'all didn't get the chance to say your proper goodbyes, but just know, Jimmy and Cody both love you and Kid more than anything in this world, and that will never change regardless of what side wins the war.
Somethin' deep down inside me tells me that Jesse won't be comin' back to us, but still, I look out every night into that horizon, holding out hope he will find his way back home. Teaspoon has caught wind of all the crime sprees of Quantrill's Raiders over in Missouri and Kansas, fearin' that Jesse and Frank have strayed beyond the point of no return. I pray that's not true, and as much as Jesse got under my craw, I miss him so much, that boy!
As for Cody, well, it seems like we can't get rid of him long enough to miss him! His unit has been patrolling throughout the local plains, and he has managed to pop his head in here at least every other week for his fill of meals — giving us a dose of all his wild adventures, told in a fashion only our Cody could tell. But truth be told, the heaviness of this war can be seen in his eyes too. He's still the same Cody, no doubt, but somethin' has happened within him that we never expected. He grew up.
Teaspoon and I are doing fine. We are tryin' to stay strong, each wishin' the hands of time would rewind so y'all would be back here with us. It's been hard on Teaspoon particularly, and I feel like he's aged quite a bit these past few months. Quite frankly, I don't know if he has it in him if he were to lose another one of you kids. It hasn't been easy seein' y'all go scattered to the four winds. I just pray for the day this war is over so we can all be united as a family once again.
Louise, I know this goes without sayin', but please keep us informed on Kid's whereabouts and well-being. We haven't heard from him yet, but I try not to put a whole lot of stock into it because I also know he's just as fond of letter writin' as Jimmy is!
Please take care of yourself. You're the strongest woman I know, but even the toughest woman can crack like an egg sometimes. I'm sure sayin' goodbye to Kid was one of the hardest things you ever had to do, but know you don't have to shelter this burden alone. I know how much he wanted you to stay here in Rock Creek, but I know he loves havin' you so close to him in Virginia more.
How do I know, you ask?
He told me!
Please take care, and write soon!
With much love, your friend,
Rachel
Lou sighed, looking off into the distance, the morning sun's rays beating down on her face.
"I don't know Rachel, I got a feelin' when he finds out about this baby, he's gonna buy me a one-way ticket home."