CHAPTER SIX
ACCESS
My blood boiled when Krolia told me that my mom was the one who developed this serum. I had no idea this serum existed but why would I? My mom raised me to be proud of both parts of me, the Eterni and the human so I can't think of any reason why my mom would make this serum.
Keith ended up talking me down to a calm because my nose started bleeding because of my high running emotions. In fact, at this moment I'm laying on top of him, trying to help him manage the pain. Krolia thinks that his ears might be becoming more Galran in nature...and that he's growing a tail.
Not gonna lie, I laughed when Krolia said that. Keith glared and pouted at me for laughing. I explained to him that I think it'd be cute if he had a tail he then accused me of having ulterior motives for wanting him to have a tail. He would be correct.
"Access." Keith's sleepy voice reaches my ears. Lifting my head his blue-gray eyes are staring at me with curiosity. "Are you going to confront your mother about the serum?"
"Of course I am Keith, it's being used as a weapon and I'm half human, don't you realize how much it hurts to learn that my mother created a serum that suppresses half of who I am? The half I inherited from my father, a man she claimed to love?" I answer softly, more hurt and confused than angry.
"I'm sorry, A." Keith kisses my forehead just as the pain spikes again. He groans against my skin and moves me off of him. He curls up as much as he can, wrapping his arms around himself. His mother comes into the room to check on him at the right moment.
"Sweetie!" She sits on the edge of the bed and rubs his back. I run my fingers through his hair and as I do his skin color changes, to match his mom's. He screams into his blankets and I watch his ears change. His screaming stops but he's panting and sweat beads his forehead. "It'll be over soon honey." Krolia soothes, wiping the sweat from his forehead.
I hear someone else come into the room. It's Lance, who looks like he jumped out of bed and ran down here as fast as he could. "I'm sorry, Lance." Keith apologizes, through the pain.
"Don't apologize Keith, none of us can sleep, not until we know for sure that you're alright." Lance replies, coming into the room. He gives Keith a once over and then a gentle pat on the shoulder. "You're tougher than any serum, you'll be okay." Lance gives Keith a smile and Keith does his best to return one.
"Thanks man, can you do me a favor and take Access to get some food into her." Keith replies and I pout.
"I'm not a toddler, Keith, I can very well feed myself." I whine and he raises an eyebrow.
"Then go get food, AJ." He retorts sternly. "I can feel how hungry you-" He turns his face into his pillow and screams.
"I promise I will as soon as you're not in pain!" I grab his hand and immediately he's squeezing mine as tight as he possibly can. I watch fur grow on his ears and then his eyes open wide and the whites of his eyes are more yellow. There are new markings on his face that weren't there before. Though one is in the same spot as the scar on his face.
His pain fades to a dull ache and he slowly sits up, with help from his mother. He starts undoing his paints and I know my markings are brightly lit up because Lance states, "Look, AJ has turned into a glow stick!" I cover my eyes with my hands and hear Keith try to stifle his laugh.
"I'm sorry Access, I wasn't thinking, but look." Keith grabs my wrists gently and pulls my hands away from my face, then my cheek is tickled by fur.
"You have a tail!" I point out then start giggling. I stop though and look him over. "Are you still in pain?" I ask him and get a soft smile.
"You're so sweet, and yes but it's not unbearable." He answers softly, then kisses my cheek. He turns to his mother. "Am I stuck like this?"
"No, in my experience you can now shift between forms and even decide what features shift and which don't, but I advise you to wait a few days unless you want to go through that pain again right away." Krolia answers, her tone a mix of serious and amused.
"Yeah, I think I'll wait a few days and let my body recover." Keith replies then pulls me against him. "And I think I recall someone telling me they'd go get food once I wasn't in any pain."
"Hm, you must have misheard." I reply, completely kidding. "I'm kidding, I'll go get food, love." I steal a kiss then try to get up but Keith is holding onto me. I turn my face back to him and he steals a kiss from me. "Do you want me to go get food or kick everybody out of the room?" I tease and he turns bright red.
"Go get food, brat." He let's go of me and I give him a cheeky grin.
Heading out of the room Krolia comes up beside me. Internally, I'm terrified, externally I keep a calm mask on. "To be honest Access, I wasn't sure about you at first." I am going to die. "But I should know better than to judge a person based on who their parents are." Krolia continues and all jokes aside, that kind of stings.
"Krolia, before you continue, I don't know your history with my people or my mother but, I grew up in a very loving home with amazing people around me and I don't have a single bad thing to say about my mother and have no bad experiences, and also, before you say I'm nothing like my mother, I'll find that hard to believe because my mother is the only parent I know, my father was murdered when I was three years old." I explain and look up at her face.
I see sympathy and guilt in her face. "My dear, I'm so sorry."
"With that said...the existence of this serum has raised considerable doubt within me, do I truly know who my mother is?" The question is rhetorical and not at the same time. I look up at Krolia, honestly wanting a yes or no answer.
"For now, I'll say yes and no, the woman you know as your mother may be part of her but it's not the part of her that many other people know." Krolia answers softly. I nod, tears welling in my eyes. "I'm sorry, Access." She pulls me into her arms, rubbing my back and planting a kiss to the top of my head.
I shake my head, clinging onto her. "I hate this because...I'm not surprised, as if I knew deep down that my mother wasn't actually this benevolent ruler who held no ill will towards anyone." I confess before sobbing into Krolia's chest.
"I am so sorry, Access, why don't you go back to Keith and I'll go get you both some food?" She suggests. I nod and do just that, go right back to my boyfriend.
Entering the room I'm immediately wrapped in his arms. "Did you know?" I ask him, bury my face in his chest. "Did you know that the kind, benevolent queen and mother was just an act?"
"Yes." He answers and I start sobbing. "Allura told us what your mother is truly like and asked us not to say anything and then when we met you." Keith explains. "I'm sorry Access, we were going to tell you we just didn't know how to." He picks me up and takes me over to the bed. "When we met you we were wary but then Paryus tried to murder you but your priority was getting Keiz and I out of that situation, Shiro realized in that moment you were different." Keith continues. The second he mentions Keiz though, my worry skyrockets.
"Keiz and Darius!" I jump off Keith's lap and rush to the door but stop when I realize I can't exactly call home and say 'oh hey by the way my mom is...well I don't know but she's faking everything about herself'.
"AJ, it's alright." Keith gently pulls me back against him. "Allura filled them in before we left and joined up with a group of our friends that are hidden on Eternium." Keith explains, soothing my worry.
More of his words sink in, but I don't want to accept the conclusion they bring me to. "You said Shiro realized I was different when Paryus attacked me and I prioritized getting you and Keiz back home, was it because of my priorities or the fact that Paryus was trying to murder me?" His hands leave my hips and I can sense the answer.
"Both, it was both." Keith's voice is full of guilt.
My nails dig into my palms as my fingers curl into fists. Tears stream down my cheeks, I'm not sad though. I'm hurt and angry and confused.
"What else aren't any of you telling me?!" I demand, turning to face him. "What, Keith?!" He doesn't meet my eyes. "Are you going to tell me the Essence Bond between us is fake?" I demand, this gets his attention.
"No, Access, that's real, it has always been real and no one and nothing can change that!" He steps closer and I step back.
"Then what else are you keeping from me?!" I demand, crying even more.
"Your father isn't dead!" Keith shouts.
I feel like time has stopped, even the tears on my face seemed to have frozen in place due to shock.
"What?" Is all I can manage to say. It's not because I didn't hear him, I heard him loud and clear. I just don't believe him, even though I know he's not lying. The shock wears off and the tears spill over. I fall to my knee, covering my mouth to muffle the sobs. Keith rushes over and pulls me into his arms.
At that moment his mother comes into the room with food. "Keith, what happened?!" Krolia sets the tray down and kneels on my other side.
"We got into an argument and I told her that her dad isn't dead." Keith answers honestly, while adjusting how he's holding me.
"Get her on the bed." Krolia instructs gently. "You're both hot-headed aren't you?" She asks and I nod, she sighs. "You two are going to have to work on that, and I fear for your children." That comment gets my mind off my inner conflict.
"I pray we have a miracle child who is like the calmest kid possible and people question if they're actually Shiro's child." I state and Keith nods vigorously in agreement. Looking up at him, I fall in love with him all over again.
The calm mood is ruined when I start coughing, and I taste blood. Another wave of coughs hit right after and this time I cough up a bunch of blood.
"No, no, no, no, not this!" I hear panic in his voice but pain in my chest roars to life, overwhelming my senses. All I can hear is my own scream.
I stop screaming and hear Keith telling his mom what's going on but she tells him that I shouldn't be suffering from this because the cure for Solois was discovered a couple of years before I was born. I want to scream again, but not from physical pain. My mother has been lying to me my entire life.
Keith's arms tighten around me and he kisses my forehead. It hasn't been that long, yet it feels like forever. I guess - given the circumstance - that's a good thing. My fingers curl into his shirt and I break down into tears.
"It's alright, A." Keith sooths, rubbing my arm. "My mom went to go get the medicine." He explains softly, leaving another kiss on my head. His chin rests on my head and this makes me feel ten times safer. I know I'm safe on this ship as a whole but near Keith is the absolute safest place for me to be.
Krolia comes back into the room about twenty minutes later, a small vial in hand. She crouches in front of me and hands the vial to me. "Drink this dear."
I do as I'm told, drinking the entire vial in one sip. Two minutes later the pain is fading and I don't taste blood in my mouth. Keith presses a kiss to the side of my head, his lips linger for a few moments.
"I'm not going anywhere, Keith." I hug him as tight as I can. "I promise, I'm never going to leave you." I sit up to hug him better. I nuzzle my head into his neck and one of his hands rests on the back of my head. He buries his head into my shoulder and a muffled sob reaches my ears.
I never wanted to hurt him or scare him and I know this isn't my fault but I still feel bad. Even if the moment wasn't as bad as it could have been there was still that chance I could have died.
"I love you, Access." Again, his grip around me tightens.
"I love you too, Keith." I sit on my butt and kiss his cheek. "More than words can describe."
He leans down and his lips find mine. For a fleeting moment I don't want to stop but a sharp pain in my chest reminds me my body just went through something horrific and it's still healing. It probably will be for a while since I lived my entire life with Solois. Speaking of which, I turn to Krolia.
"Thank-you." I meet her eyes and she comes and sits on the bed and pulls both Keith and I into her arms.
"You're welcome, Access." She kisses the top of my head. "If you want, you can call me mom, after all, you and my boy are going to be together for quite some time, right?" She asks, the question is rhetorical.
I hug her, tightly. "I'm never going to leave him or hurt him, I promise."
Krolia pets my hair as she says, "I know, little love, I know." She kisses the top of my head again. "Now, I think you both need some food."
Wordlessly agreeing with his mom, Keith picks me up and we leave the room. I don't protest being carried because I can sense that carrying me is keeping him calm and reassuring him that I am still right here with him. I do use the Essence Bond to learn a few things about his past and...get caught.
"You're not the only one who can do that, A." Keith teases and I know I'm glowing. "But I already peeked at your childhood, so go ahead." I frown up at him and he laughs. My frown turns into a grin hearing his laugh. It's the most perfect sound I've heard in my entire life.
We reach the dining hall where our friends are waiting for us. They all wear worried expressions. "I'm okay." I tell them with a grin. Shiro visibly exhales the breath he must have been holding.
Keith sits down at the table, with me in his lap. I don't move for the same reason I didn't object to him carrying me and because I'm comfortable. I look out the table and see some foods I've never seen before.
"Hey, Keith, what's that?" I ask, pointing to a cylindrical shaped food. Keith's eyes widen when he sees what I'm pointing at.
"That's cake, chocolate cake to be specific." I look back to this cake and decide it looks yummy.
"I want to try some." I state matter-of-fact. Keith chuckles and sets me in a chair beside him and reaches over to it. He grabs a knife and cuts it into a triangle shape. He puts the piece on a plate and hands it to me with a fork.
"Wait, your dad is human but you've never had cake?" Hunk asks, in pure shock.
"Nope, never even heard of it before." I answer, then shove my first bite into my mouth. My eyes widen at the flavor. "This is so yummy!" I shove another bite into my mouth then Keith takes the cake away. I turn and pout at him, all he does is laugh.
"Traditionally, cake is a dessert you have after a healthy meal." Keith explains and I reach for the cake.
"Maybe for humans! Give me the cake, Keith!" I whine as he pushes the cake further away and puts a hand on my forehead. "Keith!" I whine some more.
That's when another plate is put in front of me, with more food I've never seen before. I turn to it and poke at some mushy stuff on my plate.
"Mashed potatoes." Shiro states. "That's what you're poking at." He explains, a smile on his face.
I take a bite of the mashed potatoes and fall in love with them. "These are yummy!" I exclaim then I turn to Keith and pull the plate closer to me, glaring at him. Around the table laughter erupts among us.
"I'm not taking those because those are healthy for you, on that plate are also assorted vegetables. The orange ones are carrots, the green long ones are green beans, the sphere green ones are peas, the yellow ones are corn." Keith explains.
I try those next, individually and I crinkle my nose at two of them. "I don't like the green beans or the peas." I state and then Keith grabs my plate and removes those two vegetables.
I take a moment to pause and think about my actions and my cheeks turn pink, blushing the way that humans do. I probably seem like a small human child just learning about the world they were born into. I want to melt into the chair right now.
"Is something wrong, Access?" Pidge asks, concern clear in her voice. I shake my head while trying to sort out my words.
"Um...I feel like a toddler who is just exploring the world they were born into." I explain, embarrassed.
"Don't worry about that too much, Access." Lance tells me, kindly. "You've never seen human food before, and there are plenty more human things you've never seen before." He points out and smiles at me. "Besides, it's cute seeing you like this!" He compliments. "In a little sister kind of cute!" He amends quickly. Looking to my right I see why, Keith is glaring daggers at him.
It's my turn to laugh and Keith turns to me, confused. "Adorable, how you got jealous over a simple compliment." I watch as my love's entire face turns red. "I'm yours, Kogane, no one and nothing can change that." I take his hand and squeeze.
"Can Eterni cheat on their romantic partners?" Shiro asks, just as I take a bite of my food. I swallow it quickly and think about his question.
"Yes and no, if you remember what I told you all about Disalase, that's the main reason I say yes and no. Eterni can cheat on their Disalase but doing so can cause emotional stress on both parties and can even result in semi-permanent damage to the part of the brain that regulates emotions." I explain and my friends look traumatized just by hearing it. "So yes, Eterni can cheat, but it's unlikely to happen."
Looking at Shiro he's staring down at his food, deep in thought about something. Whatever that something is, it's greatly bothering him. I make a mental note to talk to him in private later because I don't like seeing my friends in distress - even my new friends.
"What if someone tried to cheat on their Essence Bond?" Pidge's question causes me to choke on the water I just took a sip of. Keith pats my back and I stare at Pidge wide-eyed.
"Those kinds of thoughts aren't even possible once a person finds their Essence Bond, but you're not the first person to ask that question. So, obviously it's never happened before so there isn't any concrete answer, all we have is theory." I point out but Pidge seems to be the kind of person who doesn't mind discussing theories and hypothetical situations. "So, in theory, if it were possible to cheat on one's E-Bond, there are three possibilities, both parties would feel extreme pain, mentally, emotionally, and physically - that's the first theory. The second Theory is that the cheating person will be the only person to feel the pain while the E-Bond protects the second person from it but will still make the other person aware of the cheating. The third theory is that the cheating person will fall into a coma. The last known theory is death, death for both parties." I answer, all while feeling like throwing up even thinking about it. "In reality though, even thinking about this has me feeling like I'm about to throw up and cry."
"I'm sorry Access, I won't ask it again." Pidge apologizes.
"I appreciate that Pidge, but please if you do have any more questions about Essence Bonds please feel free to ask!" I tell her enthusiastically.
"I have one." Lance speaks up so I turn to him. "Can the E-Bond be manipulated?" He asks and I sigh, looking down at my half eaten food.
"Yes, they can be manipulated and fake Essence Bonds can also be created." I clench my jaw, hating that 'yes' is the answer. "It's very dark and ancient magic and there are Eterni alive today who can use this type of magic. Unfortunately, my mother is one of those people." I answer Lance and wrap my arms around myself. "I was scared that she had manipulated mine and Keith's or faked it but thankfully that's not the case...but that gave rise to a new fear."
"Hers and your father's." Lance states. "Was it manipulated or faked?" He asks, figuring out the fear that I have. I nod in confirmation.
"Your dad can answer that, sweetheart." Krolia, on my left, pets down my hair. That reminder brings back the feelings of betrayal and all the questions I have.
"Why didn't he come back for me? Or even leave with me in the first place?!" I ask, my anger and frustration rising. My appetite is gone now.
"Because he couldn't do either of those things, Access." Allura answers gently. "He had been stabbed, right in front of you, which is what your mother planned. She had guards take you to a healer and make sure you weren't allowed to leave until she was done with the rest of the plan. She had someone take your father and drop him on a deserted moon." Allura explains and tears jump into my eyes.
"I found him while I was leaving Earth." Krolia tells me and I nod. "He was in bad shape but I got him back to my people and he was fixed up and nursed back to health. He tried to go back for you Access, but your mother had put a spell on him that caused him to endure extreme pain if he got anywhere close to Eternium." Krolia explains gently. Anger towards my mother grows and I want to go back home and scream at her.
"We were working with your father on a plan to go get you when we received the distress call from your mother, we suspected a trap but we wanted to use this chance to get you out, if your mother hadn't corrupted you." Allura explains, with a tone as gentle as Krolia's.
A bitter laugh that's laced with tears and anger leaves my mouth. "Turns out she's been lying to me since the day I was born." I push my chair back and stand up. "Excuse me." I turn and leave the dining hall. I head to my room and change out of the dress and into a shirt and pants. I open my trunk and dig through it, to the bottom of it.
Mom may have loaded them onto the ship but I packed all of them. At the bottom of my trunk is the sword that belonged to dad - that mom never let me touch. Little did she know when she was asleep or off-world I would grab this sword then go spar with Keizkos and/or the captain of my personal guard.
Taking the sword I go down to the training room and pray that the training dummies are holograms so I don't destroy Allura's castle. The second I step onto the floor I look around for any buttons but I don't see any. I'm about to go back out but then doors open and physical training dummies come out and take up specific positions.
I'll pay Allura back, by buying new training dummies. I unsheathe the sword and fall into one of the many stances that comes to me naturally.