Note: Warning: mention of an injury and blood (adjacent).

"so uh..." Sans started the next morning, after he'd had breakfast and Gaster had changed his wraps. Gaster was so proud of him for actually staying awake and, more importantly, calm through the whole ordeal. "i know the plan is fer me to be yer translator, but am i just gonna live here? forever?"

"JUST UNTIL YOU'RE STABLE ENOUGH TO BE MOVED," Gaster replied from just inside the storeroom entrance. The day before Sans had complained about how the water was starting to taste, and Gaster had agreed that it was becoming quite bothersome. The spell on the seaweed to keep the tainted water of the storeroom from leaking out made talking difficult, but not impossible. So long as both were willing to speak up.

"pretty sure i'm good to be moved by now, ya don't even need to gimme a babysitter every night anymore."

"YOU ARE STABLE ENOUGH TO BE MOVED ONCE. IT'S MORE CONVENIENT TO KEEP YOU HERE UNTIL YOU'RE WELL ENOUGH TO START MOVING ON YOUR OWN."

"oh, so i am gonna just live here forever."

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I JUST SAID YOU AREN'T."

"ya said until i can move on my own, i don't have a fuckin' tail?"

"THERE ARE OTHER METHODS TO PRODUCE LOCOMOTION. FOR INSTANCE: SO LONG AS YOU STAY WITHIN THE CITY YOU WILL USUALLY HAVE WALLS NEARBY."

"oh."

"AS YOU CAN IMAGINE CAREENING THROUGH CORRIDORS WHILE COVERED IN BANDAGES AND STILL HEALING FRACTURES IN YOUR BONES ISN'T THE WISEST IDEA."

"yeah no, i get that." Sans rubbed his nasal ridge in agitation. "a'ight, so i'm stuck here a bit longer, but then what?"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN? BE MORE SPECIFIC."

"where do i go? where do i live? do i gotta come here every day an' translate fer ya even then?"

"AH, YES, EXCELLENT QUESTIONS ALL OF THOSE. ONE MOMENT." Gaster set aside the ingredients he'd been mixing, more of the skeleton specific healing salve as Red was going through it at an expectedly quick rate, and moved into the main room of the sickbay. He settled himself comfortably on the table and faced Sans on the bench. "NOW THIS ARRANGEMENT IS ENTIRELY UP TO YOU, IF YOU OBJECT AT ALL WE CAN WORK TOGETHER TO FIND LIVING QUARTERS AND ROOMMATES YOU WOULD PREFER. HOWEVER I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH THAT IT WOULD BE IN YOUR BEST INTEREST IF YOU DON'T LIVE ALONE UNTIL YOU ARE FULLY AND COMPLETELY RECOVERED."

"that's a nice warnin', doesn't make me nervous at all."

"THAT'S GOOD TO HEAR, BECAUSE IT SHOULDN'T," Gaster said acerbically. "THE WHOLE POINT IS TO LET YOU KNOW THAT WHAT I'M ABOUT TO PROPOSE IS NOT SET IN STONE, YOU HAVE A CHOICE." Honestly, Gaster rolled his eye pips. "NOW THEN, IF YOU HAVE NO OBJECTIONS I'M QUITE WILLING TO HOST YOU IN MY OWN HOME WHILE YOU FINISH RECOVERING. I LIVE AN EASY DISTANCE FROM SICKBAY, RIGHT BETWEEN HERE AND THE MESS HALL. I HAVE PLENTY OF SPACE, AND ONCE I'M SATISFIED YOU'RE FIT AS A FIDDLER CRAB IT'S UP TO YOU WHETHER WE STAY ROOMMATES OR YOU MOVE TO A RESIDENCE OF YOUR OWN. THIS ARRANGEMENT WOULD ALSO GIVE YOU TIME TO BECOME ACCUSTOMED TO THE CITY'S LAYOUT BEFORE FINDING SUCH A RESIDENCE."

"yer really serious 'bout this whole translator thing, aintcha?"

"I HAVE HAD NO ONE TO TRULY TALK WITH SINCE I WAS IN THE MIDST OF PUBERTY."

"yeesh." Sans made the most disgusted face, at least it wasn't outright pity. "ok, so let's say i go live with ya, do i gotta translate fer ya all the time?"

"NOT AT ALL, THAT WOULD BE ASKING FAR TOO MUCH OF YOU. HOW ABOUT THIS: I WILL ONLY EXPECT YOU TO TRANSLATE WHILE WE ARE WORKING, MAINLY THAT WOULD MEAN WHILE IN THE SICKBAY OR ATTENDING TO AN EMERGENCY."

"yer sayin' that if we're back at yer place and a friend pops in fer a chat that yer not gonna make me translate?"

"NO, AS CONVENIENT AS THAT WOULD BE I WILL NOT ASK THAT OF YOU, AND YOU WILL HAVE THE OPTION TO SAY NO IF I SUDDENLY FORGET THAT. AS I SAID: YOU DON'T HAVE TO ACCEPT THIS OFFER AND EVEN IF YOU DO ONCE I DECLARE YOU RECOVERED YOU'RE QUITE WELCOME TO FIND A RESIDENCE OF YOUR OWN."

"a'ight, so when do we do this?"

"NOT FOR A FEW MORE DAYS YET, YOU AREN'T EVEN ABLE TO STAY AWAKE THE WHOLE DAY."

"so? i just gotta be awake to swim from one place to another."

"LET'S WAIT UNTIL YOUR ARM IS OUT OF THAT SLING BEFORE WE TALK OF MOVING YOU."

Sans gave a one shoulder shrug, "fair enough."

"AND THEN I CAN PUT YOU TO WORK HELPING ME GRIND UP ALL THESE POTIONS," Gaster added airily as he moved back into the storeroom.

"what?! now hold on a minute!"

"WHAT WAS THAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU THROUGH THE SPELLED CURTAIN."

Only silence followed, but Gaster was fairly certain that was because Sans was grumbling under his breath and he really couldn't hear him through the seaweed. Then, spoken loud enough for Gaster to hear, "if this's how yer gonna be i'm just gonna say right now fuck you and fuck bein' yer roommate."

"W-who's fucking their roommate?"

Gaster poked his head out of the storeroom when he heard that familiar voice. "AH, HELLO ALPHYS. JUST A MOMENT, I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU."

"he says give him a minute. you must be important, he's bein' all polite."

"I'm n-not that important!"

"DON'T LISTEN TO HER," Gaster said as he exited the storeroom. "SHE'S A BRILLIANT INVENTOR AND CRAFTSMAN WHO WORKS TIRELESSLY TO MAKE EVERYONE'S LIVE EASIER. SHE'S ALSO PRACTICALLY THE GIRLFRIEND OF QUEEN UNDYNE, SO TRY NOT TO OFFEND HER."

"am i supposed to translate all that? 'cause i think she already knows all that."

"Kn-knows what? What'd he say? Gaster! W-why aren't you signing?!" Alphys, a yellow scaled sea dragon who had settled onto the table with her short, stubby legs and thick, powerful tail hanging over the edge, looked between the two of them in confusion.

Gaster sighed and pinched his nasal bridge, "WE'LL HAVE TO COME UP WITH A SYSTEM FOR WHEN YOU DO OR DON'T TRANSLATE. FOR NOW HOW ABOUT I JUST START A SENTENCE WITH THE NAME OF WHOMEVER I'M SPEAKING TO?"

"that works."

"Oh my god, Undyne was right."

"SANS, INTRODUCE YOURSELF."

"wow, not even so much as a 'by your leave' or whatever." Sans sneered at Gaster before turning his attention to Alphys, "yo, i'm sans."

"Oh! I'm Alphys, it's uh... it's nice to meet you."

"likewise." Sans held out his good hand.

Alphys eagerly shook it, then drew back her hand in disgust. Viscous mucus stretched between their hands until eventually breaking as Alphys drew her hand back. "Ew!"

"heh, gets 'em every time."

"WHAT WAS THAT?" Gaster asked with a mix of disgust and incredulity. "WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET IT? WHEN DID YOU EVEN GET IT?!"

Sans gave a one shouldered shrug. "just some snail slime. ya feed me 'nough of them now i can practically emit it all by myself."

"Ew?" Alphys said in confused disgust.

"ALPHYS, MY APOLOGIES!"

"he says sorry, but i don't." Sans just grinned all the harder.

Alphys was wiping her hand off on the edge of the table. "Th-that's okay, Dr. Gaster, you can't c-control what another monster does."

"SO WHAT BRINGS YOU TO SICKBAY, ALPHYS?"

"he wants to know why you're here."

"Actually you're w-why. Or um..." Alphys turned towards Gaster and grinned sheepishly. "I guess h-he's why. Anyway! There are a l-lot of rumors floating around and I w-wanted to see if any of them were true." Alphys looked between the two of them, Sans lounging on the bench and Gaster floating stiffly in place next to him. She settled back onto her arms braced against the table, "This already c-cleared up a lot of them."

"OH? AND WHAT RUMORS WOULD THOSE BE?"

"yeah, what rumors?"

"Oooooooh... I wouldn't w-want to spoil them." Alphys tittered and held a hand over her mouth.

"WELL, IF YOU DON'T NEED MEDICAL TREATMENT THEN I HAVE WORK TO GET BACK TO. HAVE FUN, YOU TWO." He gave a short wave to Alphys, then slipped back into the storeroom.

There was a beat of silence.

"What'd he s-say?"

"he's lettin' us get to know each other."

"Oh. Well, in that case... I heard y-you used to live up on th-the surface."

"yeah, mostly. pretty near it most of the time, anyway."

"D-did you ever m-meet any humans?"

Gaster rolled his eye pips, of course that would be the first thing Alphys asked.

"god no, we tried to stay as far away from those assholes as possible."

"Oh... r-right. Of course. B-but you never met one by um, b-by accident? L-like a lone survivor of a shipwreck or... or m-maybe one who helped you after a chance meeting?"

"what? no! look, humans are all assholes, even worse than dolphins. we stayed away from any islands that humans lived on, we stayed away from boats of any kind, and even if my bro or me ever ran into one by accident we certainly wouldn't talk to it."

"That's such a p-pity, I have so many questions about th-them. Like their metals! You know how most metals corrode pretty fast in salt water? But humans came up with a kind of metal that doesn't corrode so easily, I can't even figure out what this stuff is! And that's not even getting into the protective layers of paint they figured out. You know lately it doesn't taint the water as much as it used to? I mean I've been to quite a few shipwrecks and sorted through plenty of human garbage in my time so I know that the protective layers of paint can get pretty toxic, but the newer stuff doesn't seem to be doing that as much any more. And don't even get me started on plastic! It's surprisingly robust even if it's the worst thing to happen to the ocean ever. But somehow humans have figured out how to make ocean resistant metals and non toxic paint and plastic without magic! Without magic! I just don't even! And then there's electronics! For years we've only seen the rusted remains and had no idea how any of them worked because salt water messes with them so badly, we only even knew they did anything because first of all they had to or why else would they even have them on a boat? But also if someone were brave enough to spy on humans or ask surface monsters that were better capable of spying on them to do it for us we had an idea of what all those devices were used for, even if we still had no idea how they worked. But THEN they started being able to waterproof their instruction manuals, even if it takes FOREVER to translate them. And lately humans have gotten really good at making electronics that keep working underwater and even have better, more stable, less toxic batteries! I've actually gotten my hands on electronics that still work! The things they can do are pretty amazing, things it would take several monsters working together to cast clunky spells for, or one monster casting a very specific, less generalized spell for. Can you imagine what we could do if we could combine the two? It would be… uh… it'd be r-r-really cool. Ahem." Alphys trailed off into a sheepish grin.

"damn, girl. take a breath!"

Alphys did take a deep breath, one loud enough to be heard even over Gaster's pestle as he ground up fish bones.

"So um... y-yeah, humans are pretty interesting."

"when you put it that way i guess they are. how'd you even translate their stuff?"

"It t-took a lot of work, let m-me tell you. Learning to read all th-that stuff wasn't-"

"Hey! Where's the doctor?!"

"I w-was here first!" Alphys growled at them.

"well fuck. doc! we got a bleeder!"

Gaster was already swimming up to the monster floating just inside the doorway holding their hand, a faint cloud of bright red wafting around them. "I CAN SEE THAT. MY APOLOGIES, ALPHYS, BUT PATIENTS COME FIRST."

"he says patients first." Sans shifted to sit up straight, leaning forward as he focused entirely on the monster bleeding mana everywhere.

Alphys huffed, but moved of the table and tried to get out of the way. "Aw geez, that looks pretty nasty. H-hey Sans, when you're better I c-can show you my collection."

"yeah, sure, sounds great. you, sit on the table."

"I NEED TO EXAMINE THE INJURY."

"he's gonna examine it."

The patient reluctantly let go of the wound, it immediately spilled more brightly colored mana into the water. Gaster was too engrossed in his work to notice that Alphys had left until long after she was gone.