Chapter 6 – Chemo

Friday, October 25th, 2013

1st Round of Playoffs

Gabi's POV

I sat on the edge of my seat as my stomach was in a bundle of nerves. Troy was playing flawlessly today and his team had stepped up around him as well. My eyes watched Troy yell a play out and direct his attention to his players. He moved them around the field and he called for the ball. He caught it as he took several steps backwards, his feet doing that dance, as he scanned down the field. He spotted Liam before throwing a perfect spiral to hit him in the chest before he sprinted for the end-zone.

I flew up onto my legs and screamed with excitement as did his mom and dad next to me. I hugged his mom tightly as she hugged me right back. We were jumping and high-fiving as I felt myself relax a little bit better. They were ahead by two touchdowns going into the fourth quarter. Gianna squealed next to me, "Gabi! He's amazing," I laughed, "He's going to play in the NFL one day. I just know it." A smirk rose on my lips as I watched him but that put a fear in my brain.

I had no doubt that Troy Bolton could do great things. He was amazing with a football in his hand. He was smart on the field and he didn't do anything half ass. I knew colleges were looking at him and I knew our relationship may not be forever but that put the real rock in my stomach. My heart beat faster thinking that one day he wouldn't be in my life. I blinked away the unwelcome tears as I focused on him on the sidelines.

He was talking with his coaches and his running backs to form a new play. His grin was on full display with those dimples poking out on both cheeks. He was handsome and I was a lucky woman to snag him. There were girls hanging over the fence begging to just talk to him and yet…he chose me. The defense forced the other team to a three and out. Troy was tugging his helmet back on and watched as special teams took the field.

It was amazing how much I picked up in just this short amount of time. My parents even came to most games but they had to handle my siblings tonight. We were all becoming a football family and it was interesting to watch. Troy and I continued to volunteer once a week together. We both loved the nursing home and the animal shelter the best. We were going to the animal shelter tomorrow to walk the dogs and I was excited to just spend time with him.

I looked forward to our Saturday afternoons together. We would go volunteer and then do whatever homework that needed to be done before we would do something fun. Lately, it was finding somewhere to make-out because I couldn't keep my hands off him and I didn't want to wait much longer. I couldn't wait much longer. He was too irresistible and charming and so damn patient. I breathed heavily as Troy jogged onto the field and rallied his troops.

They all talked, clapped their hands, and lined up on the line of scrimmage. I held my breath as they snapped the ball and Troy caught it effortlessly. He looked down the field and waited for Ricky or Liam to become open. He started to dance in the pocket as the defenders were getting loose and his line-man were weakening. Troy pumped his arm once and I gasped as a lineman came up from behind and took him to the ground. I squeaked as I hated watching him get sacked.

Sara gripped my arm gently to let me know it was okay as the players started to get up. Yet, Troy didn't get up. He rolled around on the ground and I felt my heart race in my chest. I couldn't breathe all of a sudden as the trainer and his coaches were jogging out to him. I looked over at Sara and Marco who were both just watching but the panic welled in my chest. They circled around him, "Sara," I practically whimpered the word and she looked at me.

"He'll be okay, Gabi." She whispered but I was pretty sure she was trying to reassure herself. The stadium was quiet but I saw movement as his helmet hit the ground and he sat up. The crowd began to lessen as they helped him to his feet. I watched carefully for a limp or something to tell me what's wrong but I couldn't figure it out. Troy just didn't lay on the ground either. "I'll go check on him," Marco stood up and began to jog down the steps. Sara pushed her hand on my thigh because she knew I was going to move and go with him.

"He'll get a good report. He's okay." I swallowed on the lump in my throat as Gianna rolled her eyes. "Troy always is on the ground. He's fine, Gabi." I gave a tiny smile because I couldn't force anything else. I was falling madly in love with that man and I couldn't see him get hurt right now. He had so many dreams and he wanted to play football. I watched Marco walk down onto the field and speak with somebody. He then walked over to Troy as Marco talked to his son. They looked so similar it was kind of scary.

"Where are you two volunteering tomorrow?" Sara asked, I turned to look over at her and I smiled, "The animal shelter. We are walking dogs." Sara smiled sweetly; her eyes trained on her husband before looking over to me. "I'm really happy he met you. He's almost a completely different person but in a good way. I love seeing him make you happy. Going to volunteer, not spending every waking moment watching football tapes, and just being a teenage boy."

My heart gushed because I only ever wanted Troy's family to like me. I gave her a smile, "Thank you, Sara. I really, really like him." She hugged me into her side, "I can see that. You about leapt onto that field before me." I laughed as I leaned into her. "I hate seeing him sacked." Sara smiled and nodded, "Me, too. It'll get better." I watched Troy and Marco as they were both laughing by the time he walked away. Marco climbed up the bleachers and settled into his spot. Sara and I both waiting for him to speak.

Our eyes were set on him and he looked over, "Wait? You want to know?" Sara pushed her husband's shoulder and I rolled my eyes. "He's fine. The wind was knocked out of him for a bit. He'll probably have a few bruised ribs but he'll be just fine." I breathed a sigh of relief. The game quickly winded down as they didn't put Troy back in but the defense held the lead. They all went running to the locker room after the game and I wasn't sure what our plans were going to be tonight.

"Gabi, if you want to come over for a bit after the game until curfew you are more than welcome. He needs to rest but I don't see why you two can't watch a movie." Sara offered and I gave her a smile, "Thank you, Sara." She winked as we all went to wait for Troy. Gianna was bugging Lucas as he was with his friends but he was doing his best to ignore them. I rubbed my lips together when the locker room doors spilled open. Troy typically was one of the first few out but he wasn't this time. I grew anxious scared that something had happened.

I chewed on my finger nails as Marco and Sara were busy talking to other parents. I breathed in deeply when the door swung open again and this time…this time it was the man I was looking for. I practically ran over to him and I wrapped my arms around his neck. He smelled of his shampoo and aftershave with a hint of sweat still behind. My face buried into his shoulder as he let out a chuckle, "I missed you, too." He teased and I pulled away to shove his shoulder.

"Troy Bolton," he laughed and I hugged him again, "I was scared." He let his hand run down my hair and I breathed out heavily, "I'm fine, I promise, I just couldn't breathe for a few minutes." I breathed in his soft t-shirt as he squeezed me tightly. "Honey, are you okay?" I pulled away as Sara hugged her son. Troy found my fingers through and clasped our hands together so that I didn't drift too far away. A smile broke over his face as he spoke to his mom, dad, Gianna, and Lucas.

I rubbed my lips together when Troy looked over at his mom, "I'm going to get some food with Gabi and then I'll be home." Troy said and his mom nodded, "If you want to bring food to the house you can watch a movie. You need to take it easy tonight," a nod of his head and a smile on his lips, "Yea, I'll see what she wants to do." His eyes turned in my direction, those sparkling blue, I smiled back at him as he nodded. "I'll text you."

Sara nodded as I thanked her and Marco as we walked out to Troy's car. He paused for a moment and looked around for my car, "I had my mom drop me off. I told her about our recent problem of always having to come back and get my car. So, she offered," Troy let a slow smile crawl on his lips as he looked around before pulling me in for a kiss. His lips were soft at first but went in for a dive quickly. His hands cupping my face and our tongues began to battle it out.

A gasp released from my lips as he gripped my waist gently, his fingers soft, as he brushed my shirt up and his fingers trailed a blazing fire of my skin. Goosebumps erupted, "Bolton, get a fucking room," Jamie's voice called out and Troy pulled back in a growl. I laughed, "C'mon, let's go get some food and maybe make-out in the parking lot." Troy smirked before we both climbed into his car. His hand instantly went my knee while we drove through town.

"Do you want anything?" Troy asked, he reached up to his chest to rub it at the stop light. "No, just to spend time with you." Troy grimaced as if he had something to tell me that he didn't want to tell me. "Coach extended practice tomorrow." He looked over at me with a bit of fear in his eyes and a little bit of disappointment. I swallowed as I knew what that meant without him having to say it. He couldn't go to the animal shelter with me.

"We have our next game in a week and this is a big one and I hate that I have to do this and disappoint you," he was mumbling and I finally squeezed the hand that was on the top of my knee. "Troy," I whispered, "It's okay. You have a commitment to that team. We can go walk dogs another day. Just promise me that I still get you for a few hours tomorrow evening." A sweet smile crossed his face and his eyes looked over at me, "Yes, I'll make time. Do you care if we watch film in bed though?"

I shook my head, "As long as you promise a few kisses along the way."

A dimple poked out in his cheek and a gleam in his eye, "Wouldn't have it any other way, baby girl." My insides twisted with baby girl as he pulled into a fast-food restaurant, went through the drive through, and then pulled into the parking lot with his bag of food. He picked the north forty of the parking lot as he had other plans after he ate his food. He scarfed down half of his food, I snuck a few fries, and he downed half of his drink before throwing in a piece of gum and tossing his trash onto the floor of his car. He then reached for me and I laughed sliding into his lap.

"Now…where were we?" I giggled as our lips met in the middle while he kissed me softly at first. His fingers went back to my skin as he was careful as we had been going slow and I was okay with that but I wanted more. I gently pulled away as his eyes crinkled in confusion as I went to grab the hem of my shirt and I tossed it off. Troy grabbed my hand as he looked at me, his eyes serious, "Gabi, you don't have too. If I took it too far." I shook my head as I kissed him softly. "No, I like when your fingers are on my skin."

He could never hide how turned on he was by me, especially with me on his lap but he told me to ignore that problem. I just laughed at him but I wanted to take care of him. "Gabs," he breathed out deeply as his fingers dance across my skin. They went down my throat, across my collarbones, and dipped between my cleavage. I held my breath as he shook his head, his eyes focused on the lacy black bra as he looked up towards me.

"You're beautiful," he whispered as he tugged on my hair and kissed me softly. I rose on his lap and rubbed against him causing a groan of agony to leave his mouth. "Gabi, baby, I love this but you can't do that." I blinked my eyes a few times, "I wish we had somewhere to go besides right here because I would take care of it." Troy's eyes squeezed close at those words. "I've never done it before but I would try for you because I mean I feel it all the time and I read that it's uncomfortable unless you know…" I couldn't stop the ramble as Troy let out a breathy laugh and he pressed his finger to my lips.

"El, baby, stop. I don't need you to take care of it. I'll think of my grandma and take care of it. You don't have to do anything." I shook my head, "That's not the point. I want too. I want to for you." He smiled as he brought me in for a kiss, "I appreciate it, but not right here. Okay? Because I'll have to take my own time with you." I felt my cheeks rush with heat and he grabbed my shirt. I swallowed all of my insecurities coming in hot. Was I not pretty enough? Were my boobs too small? Did I not turn him on enough? I mean he was hard but…

I slipped it back on as I battled back tears and crawled back into my seat, "El," his voice was soft and he gently grabbed my chin to force me to look at him. I blinked away the tears and he smiled, "You did nothing wrong. Not in this car. You deserve better than that. Okay? You're beautiful and I want to do so much with you. We're just going to have to find a time that we aren't in this car to do it, okay? You didn't do anything that I didn't love. Your body is perfect and you are the girl I want to do it with – just not in my car." I nibbled on my lower lip.

"Are you sure?" I questioned, my voice timid and he let out a rumble of a laugh, "Yes, baby, yes, I am sure you did nothing wrong. You're beautiful and sexy and I want you to wrap those legs all the way around me and kiss me and do so many other things but I mean…we don't have a lot of room."

I finally laughed and he kissed me again, "C'mon, let's go watch a movie."

Thursday, March 25th, 2021

Troy's POV

I poured a cup of coffee as Eve tossed and turned all night long not able to get comfortable, Claire woke up a few times with nightmares, and Gabi…I breathed out heavily. Gabi went out on a date and didn't come back last night. My stomach ached with the mere thought of what happened on her date last night and the fact that she was with somebody else? I clutched my coffee cup with pure jealousy. She told us she probably wasn't coming back and I was at a loss for words when she said it.

I ignored it and let Eve handle that problem. Claire was starting another round of chemo tonight. Gabi had to go pick it up from the pharmacy at the hospital and bring back to do it over night. I rubbed my lips together as I felt like Claire was finally getting back to herself. She kept most of her hair through the first round but Gabi couldn't promise it would stay through this one. I swallowed down on the lump in my throat as I leaned back against the counter. Claire had been my little girl since the moment she was born. She cried for an hour after she was born and the moment, I got my hands on her she calmed down and slept. It never stopped after that either. I would stroke her hair and love on her, every moment, was so special. I learned to braid her hair and be her dad. I knew if something happened to Claire, I would lose it. Football would be a struggle. My life would be a struggle. She had to be okay.

Taking a long sip of my coffee, I watched the Boston sky. The pinks, orange, and yellows highlighting the sky as the sun was barely peaking up and over the edge. The sunrise was something Gabi and I always loved to do. We would pick different locations and go watch the sunrise and we'd have the best talks. I still loved doing it and when I couldn't sleep...I got up and I thought about it. I thought about going for a long run to just clear my mind and to breathe. This house was full of a lot of tension. Tension that I brought into the house when I asked for the best. I should have known God would have thrown her back into my life. He knew I made a big mistake when I was 18. I pushed off the counter when a door down the hall opened. I whipped around to see Gabi step out in a pair of tiny shorts and a t-shirt that was a little too large. Her hair was curled into long waves down her back as she ran her fingers through them. Her head was tilted down and she reached up to rub the sleep out of her eyes. She was damn beautiful.

"When did you come home?" I questioned, she gasped and lifted her head up quickly. Those brown eyes were full of surprise but so not alive anymore. "Troy, Jesus, I didn't think anybody was awake yet. I came home around one." She went to the coffee pot and poured a cup of coffee for herself. She reached for her favorite creamer that I just ordered another batch for her. I breathed in as I nodded, "Eve said you weren't coming home." I said quietly and she shrugged her shoulders before taking a sip. Her eyes drifting down and away from my face. Ah, so it was awkward for the both of us. Stop, Troy, you didn't get a damn say. Look at the ring on your finger.

"Things didn't go as planned." I felt my eyebrows scrunch together with confusion at her statement. I didn't say anything further and I breathed in deeply. "I'm going for a run. Claire might be extra tired today. She had a few nightmares last night. She's actually in our bed." Gabi nodded her head, "I heard the last one." She paused before she looked up at me. "You're really good with her. You calmed her down quickly." My stomach fluttered hearing her acknowledge how I am as a father. Knowing that she pays attention and sees it…it's a breath of fresh air.

I shrugged my shoulders trying to hide my smile, "She's always had them. I know how to handle them." Her brown eyes locked onto mine for a moment, the stare quiet between the two of us. The tension growing as I had to keep my eyes on her eyes but it was struggle. I wanted to look at her lips, her breasts, her legs…I wanted to look at all of her but I refrained. She blinked after a moment and pulled away from me, "I'll go get her chemo around 5pm tonight. I'll take her labs up and I will bring her meds back. I'll start as soon as she is sleeping." I rubbed the bridge of my nose and pushed out a forced breath. "I feel like she's finally back to normal, Gabi." The confession cracked in the air.

A sad smile came over her lips and she nodded, "She is but we have to kill those cancer cells, Troy. She's going to lose her hair this time around. She's losing chunks as is and you need to think about shaving it off with Eve." I just nodded my head because I couldn't speak those words. I set my coffee cup down and I gripped the counter tightly. I fought back the tears thinking of my baby girl bald and puking. The lump grew in my throat. My chest grew tighter and tighter as I pictured her bald. She wasn't even bald as a baby. My knuckles were white against the counter and I tried to breathe.

"You okay?" her body was so much closer to me but she still refused to touch me. I could feel her heat radiating, my own body wanting to move closer but I refused. I bit down on my lip and nodded my head, "Yea," I choked the words out and felt the tears sting my eyes. "Troy," she paused because I knew what she wanted to say. She wanted to say that she knew me and that she knew my voice but she refrained herself from saying it because she didn't want to know me. Gabi was trying to push me as far away as possible in her brain. I felt her hand reach but drop down to her side. "Claire is a strong little girl with a big personality just like her daddy. I promise, we are going to do everything for her." I squeezed my eyes closed and I couldn't speak. If I did, I would probably lose it. I took in several deep breaths and thought about what I wanted to say.

After a few breaths, I relaxed as I loosened my grip and I tried to breathe. "That doesn't help with the bald head and her getting sick and her just…" I rubbed my eyes and I shook my head, "It doesn't help that she's sick and I can't fix her. I can't fix my baby girl," I finally turned around to see her watching me. Those brown eyes so soft and beautiful as she looked at my face closely. The guard went down, her face softened, and a deep breath passed through her lungs. "You are such a good dad, don't let yourself forget that, okay?" I gave a smile and a nod; her brown eyes were looking at me. "I'm going to go run. I need some stress relief." Gabi just nodded her head slowly. "I'll be here."

I began to walk away and back into the bedroom, "Troy," I turned around to look at her and I saw the hesitation in her brain, the pause and skip, but she grimaced and looked at me. "I want you to know that you're doing everything you can. That you are fixing her by doing this. If you didn't do this then we'd really lose her. You're doing well, Troy." I breathed out with a nod, "Thank you, Gabi." She smiled softly before turning to go back to her room.

Going into my room, I surveyed Claire laying on my pillow, curled up and looking so innocent. Her hair was thinning out and it was hard to watch. Eve was laying on her side and curled up, her hand resting on her growing belly. One look at her and I didn't have even a stir of emotion. I wasn't drawn to her, I didn't want to go over there and brush my fingers over her face, nothing. I had nothing. Yet, I went over and tried to muster it up but I just couldn't. Her hair was fanning out around her but the urge to touch her and wake her up to take her to the bathroom…I couldn't find it. My shoulder sagged forward because I felt like a failure.

I should love my wife and I think I did love Eve but I didn't love her. I loved her as the mother to my children, I loved her for the girl who brought me out of my funk, but I don't want to be her husband and that realization was startling. I prayed that I could change it, that I could love her like I should love her. We were getting ready to have another child together. This was not the time for self-realization. I had to put it behind me. Suck it up for little man, and figure my shit out.

Gabi being there though…that wasn't helping. That's the kind of love that I have been looking for since I broke up with her. I sighed and I brushed my fingers through my hair before I went over to my closet and slid the door open.

I went to change into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt while lacing up my running shoes. I found my air pods and stuck them in my ear before I darted out of the door. I sent a quick text to Eve to let her know I went for a run and that Gabi knew. I bounced on my feet as I stretched and pulled the hood over my head because I wasn't in the mood for people today. I just wanted to run all of my frustrations out. I wanted to love my wife and not my ex-girlfriend. I wanted to move on and I thought I had but…

Fuck me.

Gabi's POV

"Let's move into downward dog," I instructed quietly as my class all followed instructions before I led them into the next guided pose. I breathed with every movement as after Troy left, Eve wasn't up too long later. I did my assessment on Claire and then took blood before dropping them off at the lab before I found myself here. I volunteered to do a class for my boss because I needed a break. Yesterday was a shit show and this morning was too much for me.

I went on a great date with Jace. He made me laugh all night, we got a few drinks together, but I knew he wanted me to go home with him. I knew he wanted to take me to his bed and show me how much he cared about me but I couldn't get there. I wasn't ruling it out but at the same time…I was hesitant. Jace and I were moving quickly and I wanted to slow down. I asked him to take me back to the apartment with a smile and a bit of a make-out session in the car.

I came back late and I went to bed to only listen to Claire's nightmares and it was never Eve who came to comfort her…it was always Troy. I could hear him quietly singing to her, rocking in her rocking chair, and soothing her. The other fact was – she didn't call for Eve. She typically always called for Troy which I found shocking from time to time. Troy was gone a lot with football and has been constantly busy with it all of her life.

Finishing the class, I thanked everybody for coming as I began to clean up the room. "I didn't think I'd see you here today." My eyes glanced up to see Rynn. "Hey," I said with a tiny smile. "How is the whole home nurse thing going? Linny asked where you were on his last stay," my gut sank, "Uh the home health is going okay…" I cleared my throat because it was going excellent besides the fact that he was the former love of my life. "I'm really sad I missed Linny. Such a little stink. Is he doing okay?" Rynn didn't say anything, her eyes met mine, and I felt my chest tighten. "No," I whispered.

She gave a sad smile, "Dr. Rich said you were coming to get chemo drugs tonight. You should stop in." I just nodded my head, "Yea, I will. I am going to head up there. I think I am going to try and work next week. I miss it." Rynn gave me a smile, "You sure you want to start NP school? We're going to miss you on the floor. What about becoming charge and being with all of the patients?" I gave her a smile, "I don't know. I've always wanted to be a pediatric oncology NP."

"Just think about it. You have the best bedside manner, you are so calm, and you love them." I felt my cheeks blush, "I love it, it's my calling. I hope that Claire gets better because I want back to the floor." Rynn squeezed my shoulder. "We miss you, too. Especially Wren," I laughed, "Yes, she blows up my phone constantly. I think she misses me." Rynn laughed and I laughed as well. "Thanks, Rynn," she nodded as she stepped out of the room. I struggled with the thought of Linny. The tears filling my eyes because Linny was only three years old and full of life but his neuroblastoma was killing him. I choked on the tears as I wiped them away and felt my shoulders straighten.

I rolled up the mats, cleaned up the floor, and packed my bag. I waved good-bye to the girls at the front desk before I went outside. I had just enough time to go shower – at my apartment and then head to the hospital. Bean was staying with Wren because he was more her cat than mine anyways. My chest inflated as I took in a deep breath of air when my phone buzzed next to me. I picked it up to see it was Jace and I wasn't sure if I had the energy. I wasn't looking for a relationship – he just kind of fell into my lap.

My brain was conflicted with this morning still. Troy Bolton was always a morning person so I wasn't surprised to see him this morning standing in the kitchen. What did surprise me was the emotion that he showed to me. I knew it wasn't me but the thought of his baby girl having to be bald and sick? It broke him. It brought him to tears and it made my heart ache for him. It always did for all parents but Troy almost brought me to my knees this morning. His white knuckles against the kitchen counter, the way his voice cracked and broke like it did when he was full of emotion – like that day.

His broken voice, the voice I knew, I wanted to touch him. Comfort him. Yet, I couldn't. I couldn't touch him. I couldn't be friends with him. He was a great dad and I would tell him that but I couldn't do anything more. There was a gold band on his finger that I had to watch. I lived with him and his wife and he wasn't mine. I didn't want to be his again because my heart still aches from the way he broke it.

I breathed in and breathed out as I looked at my apartment. I went upstairs as I checked on everything and I took a quick shower. I changed into a pair of leggings and a t-shirt with one of my Boston Children's jackets before slipping into my shoes. I checked my phone for any messages and I saw none. I went back to the hospital as I smiled at everybody working. I waved and said hello before I settled into a computer to check Claire's labs.

"Gabi," my eyes lifted to Dr. Rich, "Claire's labs looked good. Do the same chemo routine. I know you are the best for the job." I smiled, "Call me tonight if you need anything tonight." I nodded as I agreed that her labs did look good especially after a first chemo. The first one was a make-or-break chemo and she didn't have any adverse reactions to it. I rubbed my lips together as I looked down the hallway where Linny was stationed. I took a deep breath as I stood up and I walked over to the door. I gently knocked as his mom and dad both lifted their head to look at me. Linny was sleeping and I gave a small smile.

"Hi," I greeted quietly. His mom, Hannah, burst into tears as she stood up and I grabbed her into a hug. My own eyes filling with tears, "Oh Hannah, I am so sorry," I couldn't stop my own sob of pain as I hugged her tightly. "He's been asking for you." I wiped my tears as I looked at her, "I'm here. I wish I was working but I have been so busy…" I stopped myself because I couldn't break HIPPA. She gave me a smile, "I have a small inkling of where you have been…the whole floor has been talking about it. That maybe he was going to step up for our families. To be the spokesperson we need." I just nodded my head, "He's a good man, after all of this settles down, I bet he will be that spokesperson."

Jamie, her husband, gently shook Linny and he popped open his eyes. "Lin, look who came to see you." His eyes floated around and when they settled on me, he gasped, "Gabi!" I laughed as I went over and I sat on his bed as I pulled him into my arms. "How is my favorite little man?" I whispered into his ear causing him to giggle. "I missed you! Why aren't you working here?" he pouted and I laughed, "Because I am helping another sick little girl. She needs all of my help."

Linny sank into his bed and his eyes were scary, "Is she going to be okay?" he whispered to me. I stroked his cheek bones and brushed against his bald head. "I hope so. Linny, are you feeling okay?" his eyes were heavy with sleep and he finally nodded his head. "Yea, I'll be okay." His little tiny voice broke my heart into two as I just gathered him into another hug. I knew, I probably wouldn't see Linny again, my chest cracked and my heart opened for him to find another spot in there.

I put him down as I hugged Hannah and Jamie, squeezing both of them. "I am always here for you." I whispered to both of them. "I want to be there for you so here is my cell phone number. Please let me know if you need anything." Hannah just squeezed me again and I felt a gash to my chest. "Now, go take care of that precious girl." I breathed and nodded as I took in another look over at Linny. His peaceful sleeping face, those little arms, and how slow his breathing was but I remember the boy who first came in here loving the playroom, eating all the ice cream, and just cuddling when his parents weren't here.

That is what I chose to remember when I stepped out of that room and turned back into the nurse I was meant to be.

Troy's POV

My eyes watched Claire as her chest fell and rose steadily as Gabi hooked her up from her port and I watched as the chemo slowly began to trickle into her body. My eyes watched the drips as did Gabi until she snapped off her gloves and tossed them into the trash. She had been extra quiet since she got home and I wish I could ask what was bugging her but I didn't want to push her. "I am going to stay up with her." Gabi said as she grabbed the computer she was charting with and her eyes looked up towards me and she settled into the rocking chair.

I slowly nodded my head, "I can stay up with her if you want me, too." I offered and she shook her head. "No, it's okay." Her voice was quiet as she replaced her contacts with glasses earlier and her hair was on the top of her head. It was all in her body language that something was wrong. Her shoulders were stiff, her back was tight, and those brown eyes were sad. I could tell that she had been crying when she got home but I didn't ask.

She didn't want me to ask.

I took in a deep breath of air as I began to walk away when I saw a tear slide down her cheek. The same knee jerk reaction happened as I felt all of my defenses fade, I let my eyes settled on Claire for one moment as she was in a deep sleep before I looked over at Gabi again while her tears continued to drop. "Gabi," I whispered quietly and her eyes lifted up to meet mine. My shoulders fell forward and I had to restrain myself from going closer to her.

"I'm fine, it was just a long day and I just…" she breathed out a frustration as she wiped her face again before letting her eyes focus on the computer. My entire body struggled with wanting her to open up to me, I wanted to go over and wrap my arms around her, hug her, tell her that whatever was wrong that it was going to be okay. I couldn't though. She didn't want that comfort from me and Eve would probably murder me alive. I gripped the doorframe, "El," the name slipped but her head snapped up faster than I could actually breathe.

Her brown eyes went dark and the tears only spilled faster, "No," she hissed with anger. "No, you do not call me that. I let one person in my life call me that and he ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped on it as if it didn't matter. You don't get that right again," I felt the fury radiate off of her body as she stood up and brushed past me into her bedroom. "Gabi," I corrected myself and she turned around. "Are you okay? You are upset and I know I shouldn't have called you El but…" I brushed my hands through my hair as Gabi shook her head.

"I'm fine. You aren't anybody to me anymore, Troy." She walked into her room and shut the door as I felt my heart pang. That was probably that hardest pill to swallow is that she didn't need or want me anymore. I hate that I hurt her like that. That just the word El caused her entire body to vibrate with anger and hatred towards me. I let my head fall onto the wall in front of me as I inhaled sharply. The pump started to beep and Gabi came blustering out of the room. She went to the pump to press a few buttons and I squeezed my eyes closed.

"I'm sorry, Gabi." Her back stiffened and she finished what she was doing before she turned around to face me. "I'm sorry, too. I didn't mean to yell at you like that. I just," she took in a deep breath and her eyes drifted over to the other wall. I saw the tears well inside of them again as she breathed out evenly, "I went to the hospital today to pick up her chemo drugs and I ran into my charge nurse who told me one of my patients wasn't doing well. I went to see him and he isn't doing well and I just," she exhaled and closed her eyes tightly. "I'm sad that I'm not there for them tonight and holding his mother's hand, to help him transition, to give them all of the care I can and the fact that we couldn't save him either."

All of the air was stuck in my lungs as I tried to breathe but all of the vulnerability flooding from her body and knowing that my Gabi, my girl, was still underneath there with so much care and love. That she wanted to be working so she could support that family made my chest ache and crumble. "I'm just feeling a lot of things recently and hearing you call me El is just so hard. You leaving me was hard. Our lives coming back into one is hard and I just…I have to keep it separated." Her eyes drifted downwards and my stomach suddenly felt queasy. I hated myself.

I nodded my head slowly, my arms stuck straight to my bodies, and I just looked at her. "I'm so sorry," I whispered to her. Those brown eyes lifted to mine and I could see all of the questions filtering through her mind. All of the things she wanted to ask but her teeth bit into her bottom lip as I closed my eyes painfully. "Troy, why are you sorry?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. I hesitated and I looked at her for a beat, thinking back to that day, her screams of agony, the look of betrayal – my own tears that I couldn't stop once I walked away.

"I'm sorry for letting you go. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry that I made a decision that I regret. I'm sorry that I never told you. I'm sorry that I made you feel less than as important as you were for me because if there is one thing I want to say right now while I have you listening to me is that I did not want to make that choice. I didn't want to break your heart. It wasn't because I wasn't in love with you anymore or because you did something wrong – it's because I never wanted you to sacrifice your own happiness to make sure I was."

The hallway grew quiet with my confession and she nodded her head slowly in understanding before taking in a deep breath. "I accept your apology, I forgive you, I'm sorry that I ever made you think that I wouldn't do anything to make you happy, even if it sacrificed my own happiness." I felt my entire body cringe and I shook my head, "No," I whispered, "No, I didn't want this life for you Gabi." Her eyes blazed to mine and Claire made a noise from the room.

I turned at the noise and I quickly walked back into her room. Her little arms were flinging around and she let out a whimper of a cry. "Claire Bear," I whispered as I eased her into my lap. Gabi was automatically moving wires to make the transfer easier. "Claire, baby it's just a dream," I soothed as she began to relax in my arms again. I swallowed on the lump looking at her, it made my heart ache knowing that I wish I could go backwards and not make that decision with Gabi but at the same time I wouldn't have Claire. I wouldn't have her and I wouldn't have a son on the way and that hurt. I didn't regret them. I did regret my decision with Gabi.

Claire easily went back to sleep and I laid her back into bed as I stretched my arms overhead as Gabi disappeared into her room. Effectively ending our conversation. Her words ate at me as I walked across the hall into my bedroom. Eve was passed out as the third trimester was kicking her ass. She had a little over a month left of her pregnancy and I just – I hoped things would change before he came into our lives. My eyes watched her for a beat before I went into the closet to change and I crawled into bed. I didn't sleep though.

I couldn't.

Friday, November 1st, 2013

Troy's POV

Quarterfinals

I scanned the field as I tried to find an open receiver and when I found Justin on the outside, I threw the pass down the field. I barely had time to react before a lineman was tackling my ass to the ground. I grunted with the impact but I heard the cheers in the crowd to know that my pass was a completion. I breathed out a sigh of relief when Mac and Liam pulled me off of my back. I patted their backs, "Thanks boys," I ran down the field as I looked over at coach to see what play he was wanting to do this time.

He gave me the signals and I relied them to my team. We all clapped as we got onto the line. I screamed to hopefully throw the defense off for a false start but no luck as received the snap, I turned right and then left before handing it off to Liam as he took the corner and ran for twelve yards for another first down. My eyes drifted to the clock as we were down by three but I wanted the touchdown right now. I didn't want to settle for a field goal.

We only had two minutes left in the game as I moved the guys around the field as we started to slow the play down. We ran the ball the next two plays and threw on the third to allow for a first down. With less than a minute left on the clock coach called time-out. I ran off the field to meet him but my eyes lifted up and I scanned the crowd for her. God, I loved her. I couldn't wait for the season to be over so I could spend more time with her.

I wanted to do all of the things she loved all the time instead of trying to work around my football schedule. Yea, I would still have weights and training sessions with my QB coach but besides that – I didn't have practice every day and I didn't have a game every weekend. I was going to spend most of that time with her and the guys because I was falling in love with her. It wasn't hard to do. Her laugh, her smile, and just the way she carried herself was something I was attracted too. She was my girl and there was nothing that was going change that.

I listened to coach as made a play and I agreed with it before we moved onto the field. Liam slapped my back, "Are you focused?" he questioned, I laughed, "What kind of question is that?" I pointed out with a smirk. Liam rolled his eyes as we set up on the line of scrimmage as I called the play out again and the ball snapped into my hands. I did a few steps backwards as I lofted the ball into the air for it to find Liam and he darted for another first down and into the red zone.

The clock stopped as we sat up for the next play and it only took one more play for us to end up in the endzone with a running play. I grinned from ear to ear as we all collected and celebrated in the endzone before running off the field for the extra point. Only thirty seconds remained in the game and the other team had no time-outs left. I exhaled as Coach smacked my back, "Good work, Bolton." I thanked him as I ripped my helmet off and I sat on the bench for a second to get water, talk with the offensive coordinator, and I watched as my defense took the field.

The held them to a quick stop and we were already celebrating on this side of the turf. "Bolton! Get your ass out there and kneel on it!" Coach screamed and I grabbed my helmet before running out there. It was a quick turn of events as I knelled down on the ball and the whistles blew calling the game. The entire team was in the middle hugging and high-fiving as next weekend was the semi-finals to hopefully take us to the state championship.

I felt a load of pressure off my shoulders as I took us one round deeper than last year. I walked off the field with everybody when I heard her. "Troy!" her sweet voice called over the crowd and I quickly scanned the area before I found my girl. She had gotten a jersey similar to mine, my number and name on the back, and she was wearing it with a pair of ripped black jeans. Fuck, she was beautiful. Plus, seeing my name on her back turned me on so badly.

I still hated myself for turning her down last weekend.

I took five steps and she took seven before we were wrapped around each other. Her legs wrapping around my waist and my arms holding her tightly against my sweaty body. She told me earlier this week that she loved my sweaty hugs – fuck me ten times sideways. My lips pressed against hers and she smiled into the kiss. "Congrats, Troy. I am so proud of you." My chest filled with pride and I kissed her again. "I'm so glad that I have you," I whispered into her ear and she blushed with my words. I saw my parents come into view as I gently put her down onto the ground, gave her one more tight hug before hugging both of my parents and disappearing into the locker room.

I was quick to change out of my jersey, splash through the shower, and change into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. "Troy, please come out tonight," Liam begged and I hesitated and turned over my shoulder to face him. Liam rose an eyebrow, "I know this is your night with Gabi but still…we don't have many of these left this season." I let out a long sigh and finally nodded my head, "I'll see if she wants to go." Liam grinned and slapped my back.

I hooked my backpack over my shoulder and walked out into the North Carolina air. I looked around as the crowd had thinned a ton and I found her talking with her sister, Scarlett, and her best friend. I walked over as I wrapped my arms around her neck and buried my face into her neck. She giggled and I smiled against her, "Hey baby," she whispered and I kissed up her neck until I reached her cheek. "Scar," I said with a nod in her direction. She graduated last year but we crossed paths a few times.

"Good game, Bolton. I hope you are taking care of my little sister." I felt a smile stretch over my lips, "Always. She's my girl." Scarlett smiled, "I'll see you at home, Gabi." She nodded as I folded our fingers together and I took her to my car. We both got in and I looked over at her, her hair was pulled up on top of her head and I just wanted to kiss her senseless. I wish I had somewhere to take her and kiss her. "What?" she finally asked as I stuck my keys into my ignition. I smiled, "Liam wants me to come to the party tonight. I know you don't love them but…" I looked over at her and she smiled, "I'll just go home. I don't feel like going out tonight."

I felt split down the middle because I would give anything to love on her and just stay with her tonight. "I'm sorry, I haven't been out with them in a while." She gave me a big smile, "It's okay. We will soon have a lot more Friday's together." I smiled as I pulled out of the parking lot because I wasn't going to change my entire routine. I pulled into a burger joint as I rubbed her knee. The car was silent but I didn't care. I didn't have to talk. I just liked her right there.

"Do you want anything? Or are you just going to eat all of my fries?" I teased, she laughed, "Your fries always just taste better." I rolled my eyes but I couldn't resist my smile on my face. I ordered two cheeseburgers with a large fry before pulling into a spot outside as I quickly ate and Gabi tried to sneak a few fries.

"I'm sorry," I told her again as I took a long drink of my lemonade. "Don't apologize. You should spend time with your friend. I should probably eventually hang out with my friends." I gave her a smile and I gently pulled her into my lap. I framed her face and with my hands before I started a slow kiss. Our lips working together, our tongues not moving too fast but enough to push me. Her fingers slipped into my hair and I deepened the kiss.

I pulled away from her as I brushed her face with my thumb, "I have practice tomorrow morning and I know you don't love it but will you come watch film with Liam and I? I just want to be close to you." I nudged her with my nose while I planted kisses there. "Yea, I'll just bring homework." She whispered, "I'm volunteering at the nursing home tomorrow morning. I'll come after that." I pouted, "I'm sad I can't go." She smiled, "Mrs. Williams does miss you,"

"Duh, she loves to look at me." I said and Gabi let out a laugh and I smiled at it, "c'mon, let me get you home before Liam starts blowing up my phone."

Happy Sunday! I really do love this story! It's gonna get juicy in the next few weeks!

Let me know all your thoughts!

Next Update: May 9th