To What is Left Unsaid and What is Most Tragic

"The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart." ― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

I groaned, sitting up, bearing through the excruciating burn I felt with in me. I had learned that every time I died, I would awaken with the pain from the cause of death. Like a phantom pain, only it was the lingering phantom of death. First, there was the burning of my heart. Then the stinging cut in my neck. Thirdly, my attempted suicide by filling my pockets with rocks and jumping into the lake. I had drowned and then awakened coughing, trying to expel water from my lungs, and only choking more as I inhaled more. That was the worst death. My lungs had burst within me and it felt like lava. It was far more painful than the poison that had just killed me. Yes, there was still the unbearable heat in my blood but it was just figment in my mind from the trauma. No one can escape death entirely unscathed.

I looked for my katana but it was no where to be seen and neither was its sheath. I hefted myself to my feet and trudged through the streets.

"Where is she?" Someone roared from the courtyard I had just left. Pushing chakra to my feet, I leapt to the roofs and peeked over. It was a moment of déjà vu, I gazed down at the Elvenking shouting commands at his elves. "The body of a girl. Short silver hair. Small. Red shirt. Search for her. Now!"

He might have been looking for me but my narrowed eyes were locked on the walking stick he gripped with white knuckles. Who cares how beguiling this bastardly king was, he took my katana! Uchiha-sama had it specially made for me by the cats.

The elven soldiers dispersed through the streets and I noted their weapons were sheathed. My eyes flickered to the twin swords in their scabbards at the Elvenking's hips, silver handles glinting in the sun's last light.

Orange sunbeams broke through the clouds along with yellows and reds, lighting the the sky in a beautiful sunset. How long had I been dead? By the low guard of the elves, it had have been hours and the battle had ended, hopefully in our favour. With light-feet, I hopped across the roofs of Dale to look down on the battlefield.

In stories, no one ever talks about the tragedy at the end of battles. They don't talk about how dead bodies lay on every inch of ground like grass. The survivors dejectedly cross through the field, shifting through the faces of their slain comrades, hoping they won't see the face of a dear friend. No one ever talks about what happens to all those who perished in the fighting.

Dwarves, elves, and men lugged bodies onto carts. Armour was stripped from the dead, tossing it into other carts along with discarded weapons. Orcs laid strewn around, not one alive, had their bodies dragged and mounted onto ever-growing piles to be burned.

We had won.

So much for not getting involved. The Elvenking believed me to be dead and word of that would spread to Bard and the townsfolk. It was good news, in a way. It'll make it easier to disappear and begin my travels of this new world. Start anew once again in the cycle I would live in for eternity.

My tower was destroyed so I settled for a shadowed bend of the parapet. My body needed rest and my mind had to devise a plan for the most pressing matter at hand. How do I steal back my katana from the Elvenking? And why the hell did he want my dead body?

My eyes snapped open and studied the female elf that took a seat on the parapet, legs hanging of the ledge. She was garbed in a green tunic and matching breeches that contrasted the long auburn red tresses that fell to her hips.

The elf stared up at the night sky, stars twinkling in mischief. From where I sat curled, I could tell her features were a reflection of my sorrow. The never-ending emptiness that lingers. The hollowness in your heart that was once filled by your loved one. It was painful.

My wispy voice cut the silence, "I always have to remind myself it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." She whipped around so fast that I'd reckon she got whiplash. I emerged from the darkness and sat by her, ignoring her clenched jaw and tensed muscles. I gave her small smile. "Imagine what dark world you would have lived in if you had never met them, if you had never felt their light."

"How?"

"You're my reflection, only your indiscernible wounds are fresh. I'm Fern," holding a hand out. She gently shook it, "Tauriel."

An indecipherable look crossed her features as her brows furrowed and her eyes raked over me. "Your name, in elven tongue, it means death."

My eyes widened before a small smirk tugged at my lips, "Fitting, I suppose. Though when I chose it as a child, it was more because I thought a fern leaf was very pretty."

We fell into a comfortable silence as we gaze up at the stars. Tauriel's voice cracked as stammered out, "Who did you lose?"

My mind flashed with the bright, happy faces of Konoha. Naruto. Sakura. Kakashi. Yamato. Hinata. Shikamaru. Kiba. "Everyone and everything."

"My condolences. A dragon's hellfire…" Her voice trailed off and I cut in, "Not the dragon. It feels like a lifetime ago but it's only been two years."

Her eyes drilled into the side of my face and I turned to face her. "Does the pain ever go away?" She asked timidly.

"No. It's here," I gripped my chest, "All the time. I miss them. Everyone." I released a sigh and looked up at the twinkling night sky. My lips tugged up and I wistfully said, "They are on one of the many stars out there, you know. And wherever they are, whenever they stare up at the sky, I'm just one of the stars to them. I'm as lost to them as they are to me. Always out of reach."

Tauriel shared her thoughts, "I never had the chance to tell him I loved him."

"If I — a stranger — can see your love, he would have not been blind to it."

"I should have been faster," she muttered angrily, slamming her fists against the stone of the ledge.

"There's a lot of should haves: I should have told them this. I should have done that. I should have been there. I should have, I should have, I should have," my lips were pulled into a tight smile and I unwrapped her clenched fingers. Why was I giving her a sermon? Was I projecting myself onto her?

Words flowed out of my mouth, hoping that the words would bring her some ease. "I'm guilty of much and I regret much more. The pain inside never leaves and it all lingers like a ghost — starving lions live in my head and they never rest as they rip my mind to shreds. But the one thing I have learned despite it all, life goes on even with impalpable pain."

We fell into a comfortable silence and, from my peripherals, I could see the wheels turning in her red head. "Are you an elf?" She finally asked, puzzling me.

"Why would you ask that?"

"Your hair. Your grace. Your wisdom," Tauriel listed. "It sounds as if you have lived many mortal lifetimes."

I laughed lightly, "Yes — well — it certainly feels like that sometimes." And will be true in a couple hundred years.

"Are you then?" She twisted to me, cocking her head, and I answered with a teasing curled lips and creases at the sides of my eyes. "I'm nineteen and very human."

Her lips parted and she focused even more on my features, and I had the distinctly sensed she was curious about me. "Were one of your parents elfish?"

"It's my hair, isn't it?" I raised a brow and my mirth vanished with a sigh. My head turned to the stars. "Back home, many had hair like mine and none were elves. Everyone thinks it strange here."

"It's a beautiful shade," she commented, her fingers reaching up to tickle at the short ends.

"Thank you."

Her hand dropped back to her side. "Why do you not let it grow?"

"Does your hair not get in the way?" Every time I had gotten it past a certain length it always got sliced or scorched off. I never gave hair value but, to the elves, it was sacred. They were like the Hyuga. They kept it long and strong. Their tresses were vibrant and magnificent.

"No," she replied. I stared at her hair for a moment before twisting to stare at the stars. "Perhaps I'll heed your advice, then."

Once again we shifted to a silence as we mourned, losing ourselves in the stars, and the moon raised itself higher and higher. I had to hold back a flinch as Tauriel abruptly swirled on her perch on the ledge and stepped off. She placed a hand on my shoulder and I turned my head to look at her heartbroken eyes. "Thank you, you have eased my pain."

I gave her small, knowing smile. "You know, as well as I, I have not, but I hope in time you become numb to it and remember the light, even if it's gone."

Tauriel curtly nodded and deftly stepped away. She threw me one last glance before she disappeared around the corner.
I have to leave, too now, find a new place to camp. The she-elf could report to the Elvenking and lead him to me. I had risked my anonymity approaching her, knowing full well that her king sent people searching for my corpse, and I don't even know why. I did it without a second thought and that was very bad for a shinobi. We were always meant to be two steps ahead.

I let myself go into free fall and into the rocky cliff side beside Dale. Tomorrow, I would get my katana back.