I am the owner of a single empty bag of Lays brand chips. The Touhou Project game series belongs to ZUN and Team Shanghai Alice.

"MY BABY GIRL!" the little boy screamed, getting up in a hurry.

"Are you alright?" asked a passing rabbit, who had brought him breakfast.

"Yeah, ignore whatever you heard. Thank you for your service."

The rabbit left the food on a nearby table, and left without a single word. (She also noticed the sarashi position. She was promptly weirded out by it.)

"Ugh..."

The deity thought of the better fates that could've met his daughter. Ignorance is bliss, after all.

'A happy family, secluded in the mountains, my little daughter married to a man who loves her because of who she is, and doesn't care about what she is. Nothing bad must have happened to her.'

As he divulged in his own happy delusions, he got out of bed, dressed up, put the futon into the closet and started eating. The food was many, many times better than eating a dozen bamboo shoots a day, even if he'd had the luck of being able to enjoy Hoshiguma's wonderful cooking. He appreciated both equally. He finished up with it, putting his hands together.

He wrote a note about his leave, left it on the table, picked up the tray and started to look for someone to guide him to the kitchen. He ended up finding it by himself, and left it on the fancy kitchen counter. (Fucking bourgeoisie.)

Heading for the exit, Shizumu took off, following last night's trail from his room to the entrance. He ran into Tewi, who ignored him for some reason. Must have had something more important to do.

He stood before the entrance, put on his sandals (they had a brick attached to the teeth, which he crushed with brute force.), went out and found himself... back in Eientei.

A not-quite familiar woman stood in front of him, meeting his eyes straight on. Multiple strange artifacts surrounded her, purpose unknown to him.

"I remember we met earlier. I'm Kaguya Houraisan, master of Yagokoro Eirin, and the former Lunarian princess. You're a pretty interesting youkai, you know?."

"God." Any other words would not come out. Her overwhelming presence had a certain 'something' to it which he couldn't point out, even if he scrambled his brains for hours on end.

"Tomato, tomahto; they're sides to a coin. I'm pretty sure you won't disagree either." Kaguya shrugged. "I'm pretty mad that you lied. Though, it doesn't take a genius to find holes in that horrible alibi of yours."

"..."

"You know, I'm getting real curious with that earlier scream of yours. "My baby girl!", was it? Wasn't it a son you had, rather, according to legend? Tell me the truth. Let me all in on it..."

He felt he had nothing to hide except his future.

"Alright, let's see... Ugh... I first picked her up in Osaka, during one of our usual rampages. Take the valuables, kill the people in the house, and burn it down. Standard process, really." He took a moment to breathe deeply and relive those times of chaos he used to enjoy so much. Nowadays, he shunned them. "We were going through a richer man's house, when I found a small girl in one of the closets. Horned, too. Ain't that a kicker? Pink hair, whip marks, blood in her mouth... I'm going off here; So I called everyone to see what to do with her after I made off with the booze, and the rest took the gold, heirlooms, and whatever seemed most valuable at the moment. I called one 'a them, most responsible one in our group: Kuma-dōji. Ya see, I am completely unable ta trust the rest 'a my boys (and girls!) with a fucking kid."

'Wait no don't name drop, fuck.'

As Shuten's horns started rising, little by little, he kept on telling his story.

"Umm, anyways, he told me her family probably was planning on abandoning her at Ibukiyama or whatever place parents go to drop off oni children, so he said I should take her with me, seeing that I'm the leader. But, ya see, I'm not the best guy for a kid to be around, ya get? It's the adults I brutalize, not da children! They didn't do shit! They get awff with a quick beheading. But, she starts getting scared that, oh no, "[we're] gonna eat [her]". And I just look at her fer a sec, and I'm like- "you's is an oni! I dun see no one here ta eat'cha!" Then she gets all frilled up, starts touchin' her (horns, accent is getting impossible to decypher almost from here) 'n' she justs freez's like she'd jus' seen a friggin' dead man! Ya'd need to have been there to see haw hilarious the entire scene was! Then, I stopped ta think fer a sec, and then I tawld Kuma: "I'm takin' 'er."."

"Could you run that through me again?"

He shrunk down his horns, and realized what he'd said to a complete stranger. Well, no take backs now.

"Sorry, let me repeat it for you..." he took a moment to breathe and think, leaving his accent gagged and bound.

-Minutes later...-

"Huh. Well, you can go off now." said the princess, in a dismissive tone.

"Nothing more to say? No reactions or anything?"

"Your life story was entertaining. ...Yeah, that's it."

'Well, if that isn't horribly insulting. I should keep my mouth closed, though, I don't want to let anything more slip through my tongue.'

Shuten took a moment to breathe, came out of the door, and picked up the bamboo poles and shoots left in the pile. There was still a sizeable amount.

A small rabbit followed after him.

"Follow her, she's your ticket out of here." said the princess.

"I shall trust your words."

Shizumu followed the rabbit through the leaves and poles, feeling better oriented this time, and a few hours later, they were in the Human Village.

"Thank you for guiding me through the forest. Goodbye."

She went back into the forest with a hop, a word not spoken.

He walked surrounding the village, avoiding getting seen with the still inhuman pile of bamboo he was carrying, and walked back into the mountains. He stopped before the entrance to the Underground, and entered. Parsee let him go through the bridge, "as long as [he was] careful with the weight [he was] carrying around, and [didn't] split the bridge in half".

He was walking around the village, a head of long, horned and orange hair with a bow taking his attention, though he quickly lost them in the crowds of youkai. Ignoring that, he moved on to more pressing matters, such as the one towering in front of him.

A punch to the gut was delivered swiftly by the one-horned oni, frustrated.

"YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO COME HERE AFTER DISAPPEARING FOR AN ENTIRE DAY AS IF IT WAS JUST TUESDAY! WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!"

"The bamboo forest."

A slam on the head was delivered.

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO GO THERE! HOW MANY BRAINCELLS DO YOU LACK?!"

"You're not helping me in that department, you know?" he whined.

Hoshiguma, quite hurt, shoved Shuten down to the ground.

"I was worried you know? Maybe some weirdo napped your ass. Maybe you spent the night in their goddamned basement! Maybe, some extremely strong idiot thought, "Hey, let's fucking murder that oni guy!" Because, you know that's the kind of people I've seen on the surface lately anyways!"

She turned around, and went on her own miserable way.

The fallen oni got up, picked up the bamboo from the floor, and left it at home.

Yuugi shoved her fist into the wall, leaving a hole. She would fix it later. She ran upstairs, and opened a drawer containing a pipe. She calmly put it in her mouth, shoved opium in, lit it, and inhaled the smoke. She knew it was horrible for her, but it was what she needed right now. She calmed down, and realized how badly she had overreacted to the situation. She slumped down against the wall.

"Well damn."

Processing the steps and jumps she took, she became more and more aware of her mistakes in the process. Shizumu-san is a god, strong, and, even if he didn't exactly get the spell card system, he would get good at it quickly. He learned fast, after all. Drinking, being a parent, pillaging, fighting...

"Fuck."

She got up and left the pipe on the table, leaving it on a little stand she'd made ages ago for it. She made lunch. Rice and some yakiniku is all she could manage herself to make. She ate in silence. Who was there to talk to, anyways?

She washed the dishes, put back the pipe into her mouth, and went outside for a moment. An apology was in order, but not right now. She stepped into the streets, a more dignified aura surrounding her this time. She breathed through her nose, and let the smoke into her head.

She did the groceries, bought sake, and took a walk through the streets, food items under her skirt. How they fit was impossible to explain, and therefore, it became a part of her ability.

She walked into the shrine grounds by accident. She ran off quickly, not letting anyone look at her directly.

'Ugh...'

It was twilight by the time she entered through the door of her home. She left the groceries in the kitchen. The sake was left on the table. The pipe was empty, but comfort was found in it's weight. She put more opium in. She divulged deeper into two of the three things parents tell their children not to delve too deep into. Smoking, drinking, and the last... is better left unspoken. She spent a couple hours driving herself deep into the alcohol, and realised it wasn't the best way to spend an evening.

"..."

She cleaned the pipe when she got done with it, and left the sake there. The drawer was opened and closed, and she went to bed bitterly.