Chapter Six: Don Lothario
In the morning light, Henry and Jon's win didn't seem as good as it had been the night before. In the Grand Hall, the long tables that held the students of each House were filled with oatmeals, eggs, french toast, pancakes, waffles, and other sorts of breakfast commodities. The glass ceiling above showed a gloomy, dull day. Esmani was next to Henry with a rather large book tenting her face. She was rigid and her curt greeting to him this morning was evidence enough to Henry that it was due to her disapproval for the constant egging on of Slymer.
Henry looked up and seemed to somehow lock eyes with the girl in question. In return, she wrinkled her nose as if she smelled something fowl and Henry rolled his eyes. She was obviously the worst person in the world. Having a school rival was one thing, but Henry had been in real danger and the only thing she could think of doing was to run. What a coward! Henry couldn't stand it and pushed his oatmeal away. He wanted so badly for Kimmi Slymer to get whatever was coming to her.
"Don't," Esmani said hotly from behind her book. "I can see it in your eyes, Henry. Don't go thinking of schemes to bring Kimmi down some pegs. It will do you no good. You'll just waste away in petty revengeful games. You too." She closed her book with a plume of dust and squinted her eyes, daring Jon to speak. He could not and shoveled more scrambled eggs into his mouth.
"Es-MON-i," Jon enunciated once he had swallowed. "You weren't there! You should have seen the tree. Seen the way it went after Henry. Seen the way we would have been left to get seriously hurt or even killed because of that wretched witch."
"No, Jon, you weren't there to see your only sister off onto the first year boats. You weren't there to see her get sorted into your House. Honestly boys, you should have just taken the consequence of not being properly dressed in your robes and had done with it. You played perfectly into her little game." She nodded to herself in punctuated logic. Jon could only roll his eyes but did look a bit sheepish.
"Gee, Esmani, that's a low blow. I thought you were our friend," Jon could only say.
"I am your friend, you git." She rolled her eyes again. "But friends don't let friends do something incredibly stupid-" she paused, most likely flashes of last year projected behind her eyes. "Without reason, that is." Nervously, she poked at her own Simlish breakfast.
"Course Schedules! Course Schedules, students!" Professor Garspatuon came striding into the Grand Hall with grandeur. The aged parchment was thrust into Henry's hand and he felt so low the only thing he noticed was that he had Plantology first thing in the morning with the Owlenmoons. At least he could see Taryn.
Together, Henry, Esmani, and Jon left the Grand Hall and out of the castle. Esmani seemed to be warming up to them with each step that by the time they had crossed the garden on the grounds, she was even joking around with the boys again. Harnocks greenhouse, where Plantology was held, amazed Henry his first year and did the same this year. Strange, peculiar plants lined the glass walls as shelves of interesting foliage adorned every nook and cranny.
Upon inspection, this first class was meeting just outside of the greenhouse. Owlenmoon and Alpaggards stood awkwardly by the door. Tayn spotted the trio and waved enthusiastically.
"Professor Hoppcraft had a posting that said to meet him right here. No one knows why," Taryn informed them when they had stopped close enough to talk to her.
Seemingly on cue, the professor came into view walking quickly across the lawn with no other than Don Lothario hot on his heels. The juxtaposition of the pair was quite obnoxious. Professor Hoppcraft was two feet shorter than Lothario and squat. His burly beard nearly reached his knees and his robes looked like hundreds of patches sewn together with all different kinds of fabrics. He always had a green tint about his skin from grass stains and dirt was constantly under his overgrown fingernails. Henry could imagine Aunt Daisy gagging at the sight of the little wizard. Lothario, however, looked immaculate and strong in his stunning teal robes that were trimmed with shimmering gold, ornate lines and patterns. His cap was made of pure velvet with a golden buckle whereas Professor Hoppcraft wore a cap that at one time was probably an old, leather Normie shoe.
"Good day hennies and chaps!" Lothario called out to the gaggle of students. His teeth were so white they almost glowed. "I have been showing Professor Hoppcraft here the ways of taming Purple Goombus Vines. They have been growing quite frequently amongst the grounds here this year. Must have been quite a humid summer season. You can read all about weather conditions affecting plant growth in one of my books The "Plant"-tastic Fact…
"We will be working in Greenhouse number two today, folks," Professor Hoppcraft said shortly. He was looking distinctly dismayed and not as chipper as he usually was. Henry could only guess the presence of someone so overbearing like Lothario was getting under his skin.
"How brilliant! We've only ever worked in Greenhouse one! There must be more interesting plants to study in there!" Taryn marvelled.
"Or dangerous," Jon pointed out which made Taryn's smile fall. She swallowed hard.
Students were all now murmuring on what could possibly make Professor Hoppcraft feel as if they were ready to embark on a new Greenhouse with different things and sights to behold. Soon, the intrigue was growing as the portly professor was nearly knocked over from students on their tip toes to peek as he brandished the key to open Greenhouse Two.
Like a Normie flower shop, damp soil, stale water, and musty plant smell came to his nose in an instant. Looking up, Henry noticed the plants looked bigger, the thorns on them looked sharper, and...was that one oozing green slime? Henry was about to open his mouth to ask his friends what they thought a particular plant did with huge, blue roots when a large hand shot out and trapped his shoulder.
"Henry, dear boy! I've been waiting to speak with you! Dear me, Professor, can I steal him for a minute? And not a tardy record, if you could please."
Professor Hoppcraft only grumbled at him.
"Splendid!" He beamed and whirled Henry away. It was very clear to Henry that Hoppcraft did mind. Either Lothario was thick or just chose to ignore the clear body language Professor was clearly exhibiting. "Henry, Henry, my dearest boy, Henry," Lothario was shaking his head in a sort of way one would expect a father to do when his toddler fell after taking his first step.
A copy of a Diurnal Diviner was thrust into Henry's hands.
Second Year Henry Puffer Awakens a Dormant Strangling Sycamore
Henry could have thrown up.
"You got a bit of the taste of lime, eh, boy?" Lothario beamed and Henry wondered if it was actually his reflection he could see in each one of those pearly teeth.
"Excuse me?"
"The limelight, my friend," Lothario clapped Henry on the back a bit too hard. "Gave you that spark for it, huh? Yes I bet it did! Being on the front page of the paper with me back in Caster's Ally and now you're itching to do anything to do it again, huh? Tell me I'm right, boy! I am, aren't I?"
"Professor you see it's…"
"You see in my book, "Plant"-astic Factoids to Facilitate Gorgeous Growth there is excerpt upon excerpt on dangerous and downright lethal foliage. Strangling Sycamores don't just up and move whenever. Some lay quiet for decades boy and you had to go out and find one to muck around with it a bit, eh? Risky. But I like the style, friend."
"Professor...actually it's…"
"Henry, Henry, Henry, don't try to play coy," Lothario roughly rustled Henry's hair. "I am completely in your corner. It's only natural a boy like you would want a bit more once you've had a taste for it. I may as well be blaming myself! I feel as if I gave you, but a lactose intolerant lamb, his first taste of ice cream." To punctuate his dramatics, Lothario put the back of his hand to his forehead. "That goes right to your head if you're not careful, oh mercy me!"
"But Professor! What happened was…"
"Friend, friend, you must calm yourself! You have barely reentered this Realm! You have to immerse slowly and strategically. There will be plenty of time to bask in your fame when you're older, you know.
"...sir…"
"Now, now," Lothario held up both hands in a stopping motion. "I know what you're thinking," Henry blew upwards so his bangs rose and fell in annoyance. "I know that I am across the worlds famous known by many to and fro already! But I too was once a twelve year old boy with doe eyes and a thirst for recognition. And yet. A nobody all the same. Just as you are. In fact, I'd be so bold to proclaim I was even more so nobody! I mean, good heavens a few casters here and there know your tale with the Unmentionable One." Like a quick flash, Lothario's eyes drifted then fell from gazing at Henry's plumbob scar. "Why no need to compare, I can see it in your eyes! My accomplishments such as best teeth, dressed, smile, charm, and wit award in magazine after tabloid is what it is but it's the start, Henry, the start is what it is."
Henry had given up trying to speak.
"Engaging chat, good chap!" And with a wink, Lothario fluidly wandered off.
In complete shock, Henry stood alone wondering when in the heck just happened.
"O...okay…" Henry sighed and remembering he was supposed to be in Greenhouse Two, he turned on his heel to duck inside. He noticed that Professor Hoppcraft was standing on a wooden platform in the middle of the greenhouse. In front of every work station was a pair of what looked to be sunglasses. Henry smiled to himself when he realized Jon and Esmani had saved him a spot between them. He sidled towards the empty bench quietly.
"We are replanting infant Solarleaf today," Esmani whispered.
"Who can tell me the properties of the Solarleaf?" Professor Hoppcraft asked suddenly.
Like a well oiled machine, Esmani's hand was the first in the air.
"Solarleaf, or Plantus-Solaris, is used for many curative tonics," Esmani sounded like an audiobook for a textbook. "Would you like me to name the top ten potions it is used for, Professor?"
"Thank you, dearie but that will do," Professor Hoppcraft's smile was genuine but most students Owlenmoon and Alpaggard alike looked at each other in relief. "Ten credits to Alpaggard all the same to you. Now, Solarleaf is indeed very essential as a restorative, but there are dangers in using the raw plant for processing. Who can tell me why?"
"Ow!" Jon hissed when Esmani's hand shot up so fast it sharply grazed his ear.
"The Solarleaf is given its name by the fact that when dug up raw, its leaves emit a light so bright it can melt the eyes right from the skull of a living creature. Including a full grown Sim." Esmani nodded when her answer was finished and a couple of Owlenmoon girls began to whisper to each other.
"Exactly! Have another ten credits," said Professor Hoppcraft. "Have no fear though, students. The Solarleaf plants we have here today are very, very young yet." With an open palm, the professor gestured to the pot next to each station where the sunglasses were. Henry had to admit he wasn't the best in Plantology and this was probably the top reason why. What was growing and observed at the soil's surface was quite unremarkable as far as wizarding things were concerned.
The plant looked like that type of weed that grows all spindly and spread out between sidewalk cracks and in landscaping. Uncle Vincent sprayed every spring and summer to kill it. Sure, there was an odd turquoise tint to it that would make an observant person have a second look. Though Henry would guess that would go unnoticed unless you were actually looking. Henry had made up his mind that he had no idea what Esmani could possibly mean when she said the "leaves emit light." There were no leaves on this plant!
"At this time, please take and put on a pair of sunglasses," instructed Professor Hoppcraft. At each station, student after student did as he or she was told. When Henry put his on, he realized they were enchanted or charmed in some type of way because it was like looking through four or five pairs of extremely powerful sunglasses. He almost was blind!
"When it is safe to remove them I will clap three times like this," he exemplified.
Henry noticed that these glasses also morphed over his peripherals and somehow did not affect his glasses he used to see out of. Like a grainy outline, he watched Professor Hoppcraft as best as he could. The Professor rolled up his sleeves and walked towards a planted Solarleaf by his teaching station. Bare handed he reached under the soil, grabbed firmly to the spindly spires of the plant and yanked hard.
Gasps of shock fell upon the students.
Instead of roots, Professor Hoppcraft pulled and Henry realized this plant grows with its roots growing upwards and it's leaves and flower growing downwards. The plant had a vibrant red stem that alternated between being very thin or very thick along the length. The flower was a vibrant yellow and gold that looked to be made out of hair. What was most outstanding was just as Esmani had said. The leaves were definitely young. Frail and thin they were. But they were pulsating and shining with a light so bright it was like a car with its brights directly into Henry's eyes even though it was almost ten feet away from him. Henry now understood and could only imagine what this would be like if the plant was grown. In some sort of defense from being uprooted, the plant began to secrete a waxy, yellowish sap that smelled like rancid garbage. Many students started to gag.
"That's how you know it's really angry," Hoppcraft commented and pulled a different pot from his teaching station. In a fluid and careful motion, he took the oozing plant and shoved it into the compost and soil of the new plant. Lovingly, he patted the newly potted plant and sprinkled some sort of fertilizer on the surface. Finally, he clapped his hands three times. Students one by one began to remove the sunglasses.
Henry removed his sunglasses and tried to process it all.
"Again, these Solarleaf plants are just barely sprouts. Their light won't do much harm. Without sunglasses, perhaps temporary blindness but adult Solarleafs...no matter the protection if they are uprooted you will have no eyes in a matter of milliseconds. My extreme warning. As you work today make sure your sunglasses are firmly upon your face and over your eyes. Glasses wearers make sure the form fitting charm is in working order and your peripherals are secured as well."
"Brilliant," Esmani whispered to herself and put her sunglasses back on hastily.
"You are responsible for replanting four Solarleaf plants to a tray. Extra pots are over there, soil sacks are there, fertilizer is there, and watering cans are over there. The tap is on and ready if you need refills but make sure the Graxon Root does not get a single touch of a drop. It's in it's flowering cycle and needs complete dryness. A quivering purple vine pulsated and glowed behind him and he poked it with the tip of his trowel. "I will clap three times when class is over and you will be dismissed."
Once released, Henry, Jon, and Esmani saw it to be paired with a dark skinned Owlenmoon boy Henry had seen here and there but never spoken to or known by name.
"I'm Calvin Fritz-Fletcher," he said with an easy smile. Henry shook his outstretched hand. "You're the famous Henry Puffer of course," he turned towards Esmani and winked. Did Esmani just blush? "You're Esmani Ghadjer. Answering those questions made me wish you were in my House. You're quite clever and the top of everything you do, huh?" (Esmani was now completely pink as he shook her hand)"...and Jon Parsley. Weren't you on the platform this year out of uniform…?"
Jon scowled.
"Lothario is quite something, don't ya think?" Calvin conversed naturally as the group worked together filling pots and using a mixture of dragon dung and hog manure as their compost. "Quite curious, he is. Have you read any of his books? Page turners, they are! Did you know he was trapped in an elevator by a plasma thirsty vampire? I'd have just fainted on site...but not Lothario! He chronicles the event so coolily. The dude was just zappity bap and barely broke a sweat! Amazing!"
Once the sunglasses were put on, chatter minimized to barely anything. Professor Hoppcraft made unearthing Solarleaf look easy. It was anything but. The Solarleaf was extremely hard to get purchase on as their roots were above the soil and their delicate parts were below. Many students around their group were cursing lowly when their plant was ripped in half and no longer useful. Hoppcraft was getting testy with all of the wasted plants.
"Be careful! Be careful! Gently! Gently!" He'd gripe.
If you did end up pulling it out in one piece the thing was absolutely drawn to the sun. They were strong too. You had to hold on for dear life as it whipped and flailed towards the beaming rays streaming into the greenhouse. At one point, Henry held on with both hands as Calvin held the brim of the pot.
By the end of class, Henry was covered in sweat and dirt. His muscles were aching and he could bet that his classmates were all feeling the same way. Out back, Hoppcraft instructed to wash up before the next period and with that the trio bid Taryn a farewell as Alpaggards headed off to Practical Magic class while Owlenmoons went to Untamed Magic class.
Professor Garspatuon's classes were always the ones that required the most time and work ethic. Today was especially tough. Henry was realizing his summer slide was on the larger side because it seemed as if everything he had learned last year evaporated out of his brain in the summer sun. He was supposed to be cleaning a very dirty and rusty pipe with only a wave of his wand but instead he just bent the tip of it slightly. That left the end of his wand leaking thick, hot smoke.
Jon was doing no better. Somehow, Jon's attempts made the pipe grow hideous black mold that made many students gag and cough. With slumped shoulders, Jon had to timidly ask for a new pipe. Professor Garspation was clearly not pleased at all.
Luckily, they were saved by the chimes signifying lunch time.
Henry felt as if his brain was literally stretched thinner.
Jon was crushing and aggressively thwacking his wand in the palm of his opposite hand.
At lunch, the boy's mood was not brightened when Esmani showcased four beautifully bright, shining, and sparkling pipes she had produced in Practical Magic class.
"Please tell me we have an easy afternoon. Maybe some classes like Simlish, maths...or perhaps a boring History lesson?" Henry chanced but upon looking at Jon's face he knew he wasn't going to be so lucky.
"We have Untamed Magic class right after lunch," Esmani informed them.
"That was an eager answer," he grabbed her schedule and began to laugh. He showed it to Henry. Esmani had marked all of the Untamed Magic classes in pink highlight with little hearts. Esmani furiously grabbed it back with a harsh flush upon her cheeks.
"Just...mind your own business, hm?" Was all she could stutter.
Henry giggled but was prepared to drop it.
"Well then, let's head outside and try to ease up before whatever this afternoon hands us. And with that, the friends made their way towards the courtyard. The sky was still cloudy and it looked like it could rain at any moment. Still a bit embarrassed, Esmani distanced herself and sat beneath a tree to continue her book.
"Are you excited for this year's Grilled Cheese Duelling?" Jon asked.
"I'm more nervous for my slideback. You know my aunt and uncle didn't let me practice at all," Henry clenched his eyes remembering the broom that had fallen in his bedroom. That seemed like ages ago. Jon was responding, but Henry wasn't listening once he noticed over his friend's shoulder that someone was watching him.
"Hey, Jon listen...shhhh...don't look back," Jon immediately looked behind him which made Henry breath through his nose. "Jon listen to me...that kid. Is he looking over here?"
"I mean...just looks like some sort of mousy first year to me." Jon chanced another glance. "Isn't that a Normie camera he's got? I didn't know you were allowed to bring Normie technology into Harnocks." In all honesty, Henry thought the same thing and made eye contact with the strange boy. When their eyes met, the former's cheeks went completely scarlet. Slowly, he took the steps to come towards Henry and Jon.
"He's coming over here...oh man...what do I do?"
Jon only had enough time to shrug when the young boy was now beside them.
"H-Henry Puffer...hi I'm...Charlie Chantley," he already sounded out of breath. One more tentative step he took closer. "I was...I was pretty surprised that I got into Alpaggard like...well like you and...I was wondering if...if it'd be alright if...I...I could...have a picture?" With two hands, he raised the camera held by a strap around his neck a little upwards in anticipation.
"A picture?" Henry repeated quite dumbly.
"I just...I just wanted to prove that I met you," the young boy's voice was getting more eager as he ran his fingers through his mop of blonde locks. "I...I hope this doesn't sound weird but everyone is talking about you. I've heard so much and, like, so many things and...you survived the incident with the Unmentionable One when he tried to kill you and then he disappeared and then everything went WOOSh and now you've got that plumbob scar on your forehead (this was at the point when he finally took a breath to gaze at the forehead line of Henry) and then…" he looked to the ground. Most likely sheepish of his rambling. "A boy in my dorm told me you can develop Normie photographs in such a way here at Harnocks that they will move. You just need the right angle and a bit of potion." His inhale was a bit stuttery most likely from growing excitement. "I can't get enough of this place. Truly amazing, don't you think? Never would have believed I was a caster. Not even when I turned my sister's hair bright blue when I got mad at her when I was six...not even when I woke up floating two inches above my bed when I was four...my...my dad's just a mailman, Henry! He didn't believe it either! I'm just...documenting for him. He'll be so pleased. So...I guess...would you Henry? Then maybe when I get it developed you could...I don't know...maybe you could sign it?"
Jon looked at Henry in complete shock.
"That's an idea!" Charlie misread Jon's reaction. "Can you take it for us so I can be in it too?" Henry tried his hardest not to show his amusement and was about to tell the kid yes when the one voice Henry was dreading hearing came to him full blast and boisterous.
"You somehow stay enrolled in my school out of uniform and now people want autograph photos of you. Hear that people?" Kimmi spoke louder for everyone in the courtyard to hear. Lobby and O'Doyle were laughing as Henry was trying to quell his growing embarrassment. "Step right up! Step right up! Henry Puffer the GREAT is giving out autographed PHOTOS...Normie photos too! Icky to look at and made of less quality stuff...HEY just like Puffer himself! No, no...I stand corrected," she locks her dead blue eyes on to Henry's, "it makes perfect sense, actually."
"Shut up, Slymer it's not like that. At least I don't run away like a scared little girl and leave someone to nearly get killed," Henry knew if he didn't step away, the smoke that was metaphorically pouring out his ears would entice him to do something stupid. Esmani was in the corner of his eye just watching knowingly.
"So you're the nasty jerk who always gives Henry a hard time every year," Charlie piped up completely innocently. Henry whirled around to stare at him. This young boy whose whole body was the size of O'Doyle's forearm. "I think you're just jealous, really." And just like that, Henry decided he quite liked Charlie Chantley.
"Me? Jealous?" Slymer had no reason to raise her voice now that everyone was in the courtyard listening. "What is it about you Puffer that makes the people that hang around you dumber than a box of Normie pond rocks?" Her insults are always punctuated by the chortles of Lobby and O'Doyle. Henry rolled his eyes. She made it too easy.
"But...you hang around me, Slymer," Henry sighed and gestured his hand outward. "For reasons unknown. So...I guess that makes you a Normie pond rock too."
"Eat slugs, Puffer," Kimmi rolled her eyes. "And you," she turned her narrowing eyes towards Jon. "Maybe you can start selling Puffer's photos and dredge your worthless family out of some debt for a change."
"YOU low stooping…" Jon was already squaring up as Esmani shut her book with a groan. Henry noticed her pointing towards the courtyard west entrance.
"Now, now...what could all of this be?" Don Lothario strode through and appraised the children. "Who's giving out signed photographs. I happen to have a lot of knowledge on angles and resale values, you know. It's all documented in my novella "Pho-tastic Ways to...OH my!" He cut himself off when he noticed Henry. "I should have known! So we meet again, dear boy!"
Kimmi knew she was not going to get anymore words in so she just sort of sauntered away in indignation. Henry was glad for it.
"Mr. Chantley," Lothario addressed Charlie. "Come on now look sharp! A double photo shoot with Mr. Puffer and myself will be worth so much you can't do any better I implore you! We'll both sign it!" Charlie's eyes fell a little but all the same he raised the camera and took the picture just as the chimes rang that the start of afternoon classes had begun.
"Alrighty, children, come on now, no more to see...off to classes!" Lothario waved the loitering students that congregated towards Kimmi's antagonization. Henry really wished he could vaporize to be rid of the uncomfortable way he was still clasped to Lothario's side.
Leaning down, Lothario's breath smelled of peppermint but it still wasn't pleasant to be blowing into Henry's face that closely like it was.
"Chin up, fellow," he said. "Word to the wise though...admirers like her come a dime a dozen." Henry's jaw dropped and he immediately saw red. Kimmi Slymer was not one of his admirers. The nerve of Lothario! "I really had your back there, didn't I? You see, dear boy, young Chantly's request was simple and in good spirit...but with me in the photo there is no way admirers and critics and peers alike would think you're being a set up sell out."
Again, Lothario was ignoring Henry's stammers of annoyance.
"I dare say I'm a bit put off by the stage you are already setting yourself up upon. This is not the time in your career to seem big headed, son," Henry's spine cringed at the pet name. "I'm just being frank, dear boy don't get it twisted. When the time is right I can show you how and where to keep stacks of headshots handy so you needn't mingle with the common folk," Lothario giggled. "But Henry, my lad, you are far from ready for all of that."
Henry hadn't realized Lothario was leading him to his class.
"As always, son, great chat!" And with that Lothario made his way to the front of the classroom as some of the female students swooned at the way Lothario grinned and sashayed his robes as he walked. For Henry's self-preservation, he sat alone at the very back of the class where he had been left by Lothario.
"Stupid celebrity and his stupid face…" Henry was grumbling and stacked his textbooks with that fake, plastered, Lothario face on each cover. It was the first day and he had had it up to here with Don Lothario already.
An enchanted parchment airplane landed neatly on Henry's desk.
You look like you have been staring directly into the sun for a week.
Henry felt his face. It was still warm and probably an angry red. His eyes raised to look at Jon from up front. Jon was looking back with a face of understanding. Henry watched him turn around and he looked to be frantically writing. Henry watched as Jon mumbled some words and turned back around to watch his newest airplane glide low to the classroom floor, zing straight upward, land in front of Henry, and unravel itself. Henry saw Jon's amused face before he lowered his eyes to read what it said. Jon was biting his lower lip.
What WAS that? Between Charlie and my sister you'll soon have a fan club! Can I sell the T-shirts?
"Don't give Lothario ANY ideas," Henry made his mouth silently say and Jon began to laugh. Henry couldn't help it and laughed too. Jon had to turn around once Lothario cleared his throat as the classroom din began to wane. Taryn was sitting in the front row and gasped quietly when Lothario wordlessly grabbed one of her textbooks off of her table and held it up. It was so uncanny that the moving author's portrait and the real man were side by side like that. Henry knew that this was going to be his least liked class this year.
"Ah, yes! There's me," he began and Henry wanted to thunk his head into his hands. "Donavon Ambrosio Lothario, Group of the Guild, First Rate, Member with Honors towards the Untamed Magic League of Defense, and of course the ten-time winner and or runner up of Caster's Monthly Most Stunning Smile Alcolade." That did it. Henry now had his head down. Luckily, being in the back like he was, no one was going to notice. "That one is just a trivia I like to throw in. For I most certainly hadn't slain Grizzly Gremlin groups by smiling at them!"
Open mouthed and poised, he waited for his audience to laugh.
Some granted him with weak smiles.
"No matter," Lothario took the burn flawlessly. "I've seen that you've all bought my complete sets of texts and guides for my class this term. Very good! I think it best we start our class today with a little pop quiz," he was met with forlorn moans. "Now, now...no worries, no worries. I just want to check how well you've read them." No answer. "Oh who am I kidding! I just want to know what you've thought of...well of ME! How much you've absorbed my splendid feats."
Testing parchements were sent from Lothario's desk towards all of the students with a wave of his wand. Henry lifted his head when his test smacked his right ear. Begrudgingly, Henry raised his head, scooted in his chair, adjusted his glasses, and nearly fell over when he read the questions.
Which color is Don Lothario's most favorite?
BONUS: What is his second?
ADDITIONAL BONUS: Which is his third?
What is the secret life goal of Don Lothario?
Presently, what do you find is Don Lothario's greatest accomplishment?
What is Don Lothario's star sign?
Henry grimaced at the next one. Is that even legal to ask children?
What are Don Lothario's turn ons?
BONUS: What are his turn offs?
ADDITIONAL BONUS: Do you miss this as a feature to get to know someone?
On and on it went! Henry skipped to the very end of the three paged essay of a test and realized there were ONE HUNDRED questions!
"Number one hundred, when is Don Lothario's birthday and what would you gift him if money wasn't an option," Henry whispered. Too soon it seemed, the parchment was magically ripped away from the tip of Henry's quill just as he was making up an answer to number twelve's question of "What is Don Lothario's favorite HTML color wheel code and how does that apply to his favorite swatch?"
The large clock on the classroom wall said that Henry had been barely doing anything for the past hour. Raising his eyes, Henry watched all of the testing parchments fly right into Lothario's outstretched hand. To Henry's horror, he straightened them up and began to look over them...during the class time. If he was planning to go over every single one...it was not only going to take up class but that means that Henry wasn't going to learn anything on the subject. Wow. Maybe Esmani's influence was spreading?
"Tsk tsk...assigned reading is not this lot's strong suit, eh?" Henry wanted to scream. He really was going to go over all of them. No one guessed correctly that my favorite HTML color wheel code is Number FA2ECC! I've been stricken dumb, I believe! I thought that was an easy one!" He picked up another one of Taryn's books with the tests tucked under his armpit. "I said it Chapter One Page One in My Musings of My Manliness!" He put the book back down and returned his focus to the tests. "Students! I'm disappointed! My favorite food is Trout Meuniere! Baked Alaska or Ambrosia is so flaunty...not my style!" Lothario's jaw dropped. "Whomever said franks and beans...you will...I dare say you will SEE me after class! The nerve!"
Henry watched Paddy O'Rourke and Jeremy Tucker silently laugh up front.
Esmani was behind them and Henry could see that she was paying close attention even just by looking at the back of her head. When Lothario mentioned her name. Her whole body went rigid.
"She was the only one that got my Chemistry questions correct!"
There were chemistry questions?!
"My turn ons are blonde hair, formal wear, jewelry, full face makeup, fit fitness, cologne, and witchiness life state, of course. My turn offs are gray hair or custom colors...glasses, yes...no makeup, fat physique...and stinky smells! I also despise vampirism life states! Yes! Yes! And she even got the bonus questions, students! This is a full proof way for meeting those to connect with! Traits are great, but sometimes we are left with so few that…"
Henry began to lose focus.
"FULL MARKS MISS GHADJER! Where IS Miss Ghadjer?"
From behind, Henry watched Esmani's shaking hand go up.
"Twenty points to Alpaggard! Most fantastic, indeed, good girl!"
Henry looked over at Jon for some reason and the boy looked livid.
"Now! To the subject at hand!" Lothario clapped.
FINALLY!
Lothario bent downwards behind his desk to lift a large, covered container of some sort.
"I want it to be known," Lothario's voice had changed and for some reason it made Henry take attention. "It is my job to captain this class in such a way to give you the tools to defend you from the most wicked creatures, spells, and happenings this Realm of Magic has to offer." Henry was now completely intrigued. This class was certainly looking up! "You may find that each one of my classes offers you an opening into your worst fears, nightmares, or horrors." Now this is how you begin a class! Henry was fully prepared to forgive that first hellish hour and a half. Even Paddy and Jeremy were no longer laughing and looking a bit more focused. Tayrn was shaking and looking like she was almost in tears as her head whipped around every which way to not have to focus on the teacher in the font.
"Just always remember," Lothario was continuing. "No hurt, harm, or hindrances shall befallen you whilst I am here." Henry's eyes followed Lothario's hand, gripping the edge of the fabric of the cover on the container. Henry realized his breath was bated. "I only ask you not to scream. Remain very quiet. You needn't provoke them.
GET ON WITH IT!
With flourish, Lothario whipped off the fabric.
"With pleasure I ask you," he said dramatically when the creatures became visible, "to be acquainted with freshly captured pond pixies!"
Jaws dropped. Paddy O'Rourke began to cackle. Lothario zeroed in on the laughing boy.
"What do you think, my boy?" If Lothario was offended, he didn't show it.
"Well...they're ain't very scary...how are them dangerous?" Paddy wheezed.
Henry wanted to shout his agreement. These were the exact same things that were floating around the Parsley's pond. Jack and Matt had already taught this lesson! You just whack them away. Easy peasy! Yeah they're a pain, but not dangerous. More like pulling out a stubborn weed. The Solarleaf was more dangerous than this!
"Don't be hasty to judge," Lothario answered Paddy. "They are tricky and quite devils if you rouse them," his long finger poked and prodded the shimmering beings in the cage. Then he turned back towards Paddy and narrowed his eyes, "ten points from Alpaggard." Henry's opinions on Lothario as a teacher were giving him whiplash. He was angry yet again.
"Now then!" Lothario gained back control of the class. "Let's see what you think when I...do...THIS!" And in a second, Lothario opened the cage.
It was utter chaos! Without water to entice them, the pixies shot out in every direction like angry mosquitoes. They were jabbering and chirping so loudly Henry's ears were beginning to hurt. He wished he had earmuffs.
"Ah...ah...AH!" Henry looked over and saw four had Taryn by the ears and were lifting her up! Were the ones in the Parsley pond this strong? Five rallied together and smashed into the classroom window to make it towards the lake. A shower of glass splinters rained down and students ducked and covered their heads. Any remaining were tearing up the room like sized down toddlers. Ink wells were spilled, books and parchments were shredded, pictures were lifted and flung from the walls, all four waste baskets were tipped, kids screamed as they went through bags and flung contents everywhere, and more windows were smashed. It took a mere five minutes for every kid to be on the ground and cowering under desks. Henry made his way towards Esmani and Jon. When they looked up, they realized Taryn was clinging securely up in the highest rafter.
"Jon...please tell me this is a different breed than the ones in your pond," Henry gasped. Jon couldn't answer he had to duck when a wayward quill came at him with the sharp tip coming in first!
"Now, now," Lothario was clearly mocking Paddy. "I thought you didn't find any danger towards them?" He puffed out his chest and bellowed, "Round them up! Students, round them UP! Easy like this! PipPix CHEERIO!"
Absolutely nothing happened.
In fact, two pixies were tying Lothario's shoelaces together while six banned together and pushed the adult hard on the small of his back. He went down like a sack of potatoes and the high pitched, squeaky laugher of the pixies nearly was deafening. Lothario scrambled to get up just as Taryn lost her grip and fell from the rafter. Luckily, Lothario was able to catch her. But her weight sent them both off balance and back down again with a sickening THUD.
The chimes signalling class was over sounded and there was a mad dash towards the exit. The pixies seemed to stop. They were hovering like confused hummingbirds. Lothario had righted his shoelaces, stood, and addressed the class.
"More to come next class, I assure you!"
No one was listening as they all but ran out of there. Esmani, Henry, and Jon must have been too slow because Lothario caught sight of them.
"You three!" He called and ambled towards them. "For the loss of Alpaggard credits you will...ah...you will be tasked to clean them up, yeah?"
"If we are tardy to our next class...I assume you will waive it?" Esmani wanted to know but Lothario pushed rudely and passed her without another word.
"He's unbelievable!" Jon yelled. A pixie bit him on the ear and he screamed.
"He's brilliant!" Esmani took Lothario's non answer in a completely different way. "What a way of giving a task to complete before the tardy chime! What an astute formative assessment with a flair of intriguing pressure!" Esmani clapped her hands rapidly and used simple freezing charms to drop the pixies like dead weight before stuffing them back into their container. "We'll be done in a jiff!"
"Esmani are you mad!" Henry exclaimed and tried to mimic Esman's spell. It backfired and a pixie taunted him for it by sticking out its tongue and laughing. "That man is unfit to be teaching. He had no clue what he was even doing!"
"Nonsense," Emani reasoned and stuffed four more into the container. "You have to read his books, Henry. I have. He's amazing. They're all amazing. All the amazing things he's done it's just…"
"If you say 'amazing' one more time I'm going to hurl," Jon grumbled.