Meredith was beyond shocked when she laid her eyes onto the mighty Caledon Hockley for the first time. Rose hadn't told anything about him since the day they met, but for some reason she recognised him. As Cal walked onto the terrace he immediately made his way towards his fiancee and planted a deep and passionate kiss onto her lips. The maid took a step back, out the tray of french pastries onto the table and quickly headed back inside. Later that day, as she was helping Rose to get dressed for dinner, she was finally told the whole truth.
"I am so in love with him, it hurts. But to him I am nothing anymore. It's like being in love with a ghost, a dream." Rose mumbled monotony, but Meredith could hear the pain in her voice. She had watched them during the night of the sinking and it finally came to her where she knew Hockley from. He was standing next to the two, yanked a blanket off her shoulders and threw it in the hands of Jack. Then she was pulled apart form him and put into a lifeboat.
"I can only say that I do believe we have met for a reason. I am always there for you." Meredith reassured her. Rose smiled lightly at her. "And I for you."
Dinner turned out to be surprisingly calm. The conversation with her friend had brought Rose tranquility into her mind. She was able to catch up with the conversations of both her mother and Cal, who were drastically brainstorming about the engagement gala. All the dresses she had made in Paris had gone down with the ship, therefore making it a drastic priority for her to get fitted again. The party was supposed to take place a week from now. It was their moment to shine. The first time for their friends and family to see the well matched couple on American ground all together at the same time. He wanted her to shine.
"I was hoping you would reconsider it." Cal and Rose were now alone in the drawing room, Ruth having already turned in for the night. She watched him as he put the diamond on the table. After she had given it back to him he hadn't let it out of his sight ever again. He was still eager for her to wear it, to display his wealth and power he had in this world. The world would watch how, not only in business, but also in the scheme of love, Caledon Hockley got what he wanted. Rose twirled her wine in her glass and chucked it down.
"You know what I told you on the Carpathia, right? I want to leave it behind me." There was a slight tremble in her voice, the urge to keep her facial expressions free from emotion, "Looking at you holding it, it brings up things I don't even want to remember. So please, let's keep looking towards the future. Towards us."
Cal stood up, a smile plastered on his face. He could live with it, realising she regretted her misbehaviour. He slowly walked towards her, placed his hands on her shoulder and traced them down gently. Rose's body froze at the feeling of his touch. She held her breath until his lips had left her cheek and he kneeled down next to her.
"You are right, Sweet Pea." He took her hand in his and kissed it, "You are far more precious to me than any diamond. I am glad we can leave the past behind and that you take responsibility for your mistakes."
My mistakes? Rose pulled her hand back and quickly lit up a cigarette. Next to her was a man who had hit her, locked up an innocent man and was now acting like the innocent man himself. She turned her head towards him and blew out the smoke, slowly to let it just pass his face. Her smile was greatly improvised and she nodded slightly.
"I think I am going to turn in as well. I have a busy day tomorrow."
Rose had brought her friends along the next day to give their opinions about the fit and fabrics of the dresses. Louise and Elizabeth were overjoyed. Rose was the first of their friends to get married and the whole spectacle before the actual event seemed to be more thrilling than the wedding itself. Unwillingly giving their opinions on every little detail, she felt like screaming at her friends. She turned towards them, her eyes burning of detest, but they couldn't seem to care less.
"And all the while I feel like I am standing in the middle of a crowded room, screaming at the top of my lungs and no one even looks up."
There was that exact feeling again. Rose walked over towards the table in the middle of the room that was filled with delicious delicacies and beverages and took hold of the bottle of champagne. Elizabeth and Louise looked down at their cup of tea they were holding and back towards their friend who had almost finished her first glass of alcohol before eleven in the morning. The dressmaker rolled her eyes and called it quits for the day, she wasn't able to help someone so little interested in her hard work.
Slightly intoxicated and smelling of tobacco, the bride to be arrived back at the manor. After parting with her two friends, who had decided to go out for lunch together, she strolled around town for a few hours before finally finding the courage to head back home. The weather was beautiful, the sun shining softly and the birds sang sweet melodies in the sky. It was only impossible for her to feel the sweetness of Spring. Bitterness moved through her body as if it had clung itself onto her, spreading around quickly through her veins. Was the softness he had found in her slowly starting to disappear? Was the fire starting to burn out ?
Luckily, the sweet face of Meredith was the first to welcome her. She took off her coat and quickly handed Rose a glass of water, seeing the state she was in. But before the two could even start a conversation, Ruth walked up towards them.
"Rose, can I speak to you for a minute?" She asked. Rose could already hear the bitterness in her voice. It felt like she was in trouble.
"Of course." She followed her mother into the drawing room.
"Molly Brown just tried to contact you. Have you been staying in touch with that woman?"
She heavily shook her head. "No. I only wished her luck once, haven't spoken to her ever since."
Her mother scanned her face for a moment, looking for any sign of deceit. Then she nodded and turned back around. Rose stopped her, she wanted to know why Molly wanted to speak to her. Did Ruth know something about Jack, him staying with her had to be kept a secret from her family.
"It had something to do with a fundraising for the disaster. I told her you weren't interested."
The next day, Rose waited for what seemed like an eternity until she was finally alone in the house. She had thought about the missed call and looked up anything she could find about the fundraising before she went to bed. The announcement was printed largely in her mother's favourite newspaper. It was being held inside the Plaza Hotel to help the survivors who had lost almost all of their belongings. Rose knew she had to go, she couldn't let that fire inside of her burn out.
She waved Ruth goodbye as she headed out the door and swiftly closed the door behind her. Rose let out a deep breath of relief. The loud ticking of the clock in the hallway confirmed that she indeed was alone. Her hands trembled as she took the phone off the hook and looked around once more before dialling to connect to Mrs. Brown.
Her heart seemed to stop for a moment when she heard the sound of a voice she recognised too well.
"Hello?" It said again as she did not answer.
"He-hello," her voice was trembling, "Jack, this is Rose. I was on the Carpathia remember?"
"Oh yes yes, I remember it now. How are you doing, Rose?"
Horrible, she wanted to say. She almost wanted to push her arms through the phone, grab him by the shoulders and give him a good shake to get him back into reality, but she reassured him that she was doing alright.
"Fine I guess," Jack responded as he was now given the same question, "My concussion has finally gone, but everything still feels like a daze."
"I understand." Rose mumbled. She could feel a lump form in her throat, tears burning behind her eyes, "Listen,' she quickly changed the subject, "I heard that Molly has tried to call me. Is she available?"
"Yes. She is in the backyard. I'll fetch her for you."
"Thank you."
Then he was gone, without saying another word. She could hear the sound of voices in the distance. Her mind wandered off to the moment he had pulled her into the gymnasium, convincing her of his love and for the first time. Rose now felt how it was to be in that position.
She knew that looking into his eyes would give her away. Trying so hard not to do it, she had finally freed herself from his touch and rushed out of the door. Her heart was beating in her chest, her breath high up her throat. She almost ran back to where her mother, Cal and Mr. Andrews were standing, still engaged into their conversation. Ruth looked her up and down, a frown of disgust plastered on her face as she saw little droplets of sweat shining on her daughter's face. A quick and convincing lie escaped her lips and she was quickly able to recover herself. Behind her, the sound of a closing door could be heard, followed by footsteps. She knew it was him. He was heading the other direction. Walking away, walking out of her life.
The past day with him was nothing but miraculous. She felt free and like the person she always wanted to be. Unfortunately, reality was nothing like the novels she had read and the dreams she would often have. Their conversations on the decks the other day, were nothing but an impulse. The group headed on, Cal now getting hold of Rose's arm. His grip was tense and firm as if he didn't want to let go of his prey. They followed The Captain and Mr. Andrews towards the engine room. The loud noise distracted Rose from her thoughts and when the tour was over Ruth DeWitt Bukater was in a drastic need for a cup of tea. They met with The Countess of Rothes and Lucille Duff Gordon in the Parisian cafe of the ship. Rose soon lost track of time and looked over at a scenery of a young girl together with her mother. It was like looking at herself when she was that age.
"Sit up straight, Rose," Her parents would tell her, "You never want to make a fool of yourself."
"Children are meant to be seen and not to be heard." It was what her nanny told her every time she would misbehave.
Getting married to Cal, having his children would mean for her to let them grow up in an environment she always wanted to escape from. She would have to raise them in a way she had always detested. Freedom was right in front of her, she could almost literally feel it in the palm of her hands and she turned away from it. Rose could hear her mother's voice softly in the background as her eyes were still fixated on the little girl, folding out the napkin on her lap then grabbing the cup of tea, lifting one pinkie in the air.
It was now or never. She took her own cup of the table and spilled it over her dress smoothly.
"Look what I've done." Rose stood up from her chair and headed out the restaurant. It was like yesterday all over again, moving passed the third class gates and heading towards the general area. But he was not there. In fact, he was nowhere to be seen. As soon as she was starting to lose hope and wanted to head back, a hand gently touched her shoulder. As she turned around she looked straight in the eyes of Fabrizio.
"I know you are looking for, Jack. But I am not going to help you if you're going to break his heart again." His thick Italian accent could be heard loudly throughout the room, making people stare at her. Again.
"I've made a big mistake, Fabrizio. I want to tell him that."
He hesitated for a moment, but could see the sincerity in her eyes. "You might want to check the bow."
Jack was already to be seen from afar. His hair blowing in the wind, the sun setting in front of him. She couldn't help but smile, slowly walking up, making sure he wasn't able to hear her until she was closely behind him.
"Hello, Jack."
He turned around, confused. She was standing there. Was he dreaming?
"I changed my mind."
The sound of Molly's voice caught her by surprise. She had called her multiple times, thinking she had hung up. Rose quickly responded, apologising for her late response.
"Don't worry, Darlin'," Molly told her, "It's good to finally hear from you. How are you doing?"
She ignored her question and got straight to the point.
"I wan't to know when you'll be expecting me for the fundraising."
"The day after tomorrow. At noon."
It did take Rose a long time to convince her mother and Cal to leave the house by herself. It even surprised her how good she had become at lying. New York offered a great variety of dresses and accessories, and it would be good to have a final look before the engagement gala. Ruth insisted to come with her, she did not trust her daughter anymore, Rose could feel it. It took her hours, as well as the majority of the next morning, of begging for a mother to finally let her daughter free. Cal dropped her off at the station, kissed her goodbye and watched until she was headed into the train.
The journey passed by quickly. With the rocking motion of the vehicle as well as the constant changing scenery, Rose found herself dazing off multiple times. As a little girl she could never stay awake whilst traveling. Whether it was the train, the carriage and later the motorcar, she always found herself resting her head onto her father's shoulder. She was woken up by an elderly lady, who gently shook her by her shoulder. Rose opened her eyes and looked at the woman, thanking her. She was holding the hand of a little girl no older than four who smiled brightly at Rose. She had the same red coloured girls as herself, but her eyes were deeply brown as if she could hypnotise you with her gaze.
"Are you familiar with New York, miss?" The woman suddenly asked her as she headed out.
"I know my way around. I there anything I can help you with?"
She nodded at her. "I have to go to the Plaza Hotel, but it is my first time in this city. Even at my age I haven't seen much of this world."
"Why don't you come with me? I have to be there as well."
The woman introduced herself as Marjorie and was now taking care of her granddaughter Lucy. Her son and his wife were on their way back to The States when also they had to look death in the eyes. They didn't even make it to the decks and drowned almost immediately. Now Lucy was an orphan at the age of three and had nothing left of her parents, but vague memories she would most likely forget as she grew older. The woman wanted to honour her family and help those poor souls who had nothing left anymore.
It was busier than Rose had anticipated. She recognised some people some people from the ship itself, but most of the gathered were women of society looking for a way to spend a day out of their domestic homes. A band was playing closely behind her and children were rushing around the room. As Rose looked back she had already lost Marjorie and the little girl out of her sight and was now walking aimlessly through the area. Out in the distance a woman waved her hands high up in the air.
"Rose, darlin', over here!" Molly called her. She waved back and walked towards her. They gave one another a warm embrace when they met and Molly smiled brightly at her.
"I am so glad you are here, darlin'"
"It's good to be out of the house for once." Rose grinned. Molly observed the girl for a moment, expressing her sense of worry. She could see that Rose wasn't taking good care of herself and it saddened her. She was in a way powerless to make her pain disappear. She took Rose by the hand and led her towards a food stall where two boys and two girls were standing, waiting for people to taste their self made sweets and pastries. Rose was relieved that she was allowed to help the children. They wouldn't persist long and boring conversations, but did ask her endless questions. Rose laughed at one of the boys when he assumed that she might be a princess.
"I know many stories, miss." The boy said to her, "It's like you are Cinderella and we are your little mice friends."
"I am actually still looking for a prince." Rose smiled at him and wiped a streak of chocolate sauce off his face.
"Or he can be you prince." One of the girls said and pointed towards someone standing behind Rose. She stood up and turned around, waiting to wake up from her dream, for the world to swallow her whole.
"Hello, Rose."