Author's Note: Hello there . So this is the longest chapter so far and ima try to make the rest of the chapters consistently this length or more.

In the books, when Sirius said the whole "nah she didn't" thing in response to Harry being stupid and listening to Snape, I kind of imagined Sirius breaking into laughter on the inside because the idea of Lily Evans hating James Potter was just so ridiculous to him and my favorite way to show this is for Lily to be entirely enamored with James from the start.

This story just goes against the grain and I wanna show a different James Potter and Lily Evans than what we're used to in the fandom while still sticking exclusively to canon characterization. I kinda got tired of the old dynamic and wanted to switch it up while still maintaining canon plausibility.

Also, please review and leave maybe a compliment or a criticism for me. I'm trying to get better at writing, and this is my first legitimate attempt at something interesting so any help is appreciated.

And can I get one of those readers that comments on every chapter? That'd be dope as fuck.

Sirius Black: 'That's a Joke' by NF

Follow my Tumblr: thy-uncle.

Chapter 6 - Thrown To The Wolves

5th year, May

Hogwarts

Sirius Black leaned over the railing of the quidditch stands, watching intently as his best friend swerved and dived out of the way of a vicious bludger swung at him by the Hufflepuff beater - Edgar Bones. The score was - as usual - the Gryffindors staying ahead by a sizable margin. The Hufflepuffs just couldn't keep up with the wildly aggressive play style that the lions possessed and it creation of it was all because of red and gold's own messy-haired captain.

James Potter was a demon on a broom, everyone knew this. They also knew that he was possibly one of Hogwarts's finest chasers of all time, in rank with the likes of Joscelind Wadcock who stills holds the title of the British league top scorer even after more than sixty years. Joscelind herself had come to watch him play once, after hearing about his talent within the pureblood circles and had hurriedly invited him into a training camp with some professionals. She was the one to put him on the radar of the Quidditch scouts and when asked, she regarded him as a future top talent for Britain if he ever chose to take that route. She called him a prodigy and everyone that understood athleticism at all knew it to be the truth.

But only those who possessed a keener eye could truly appreciate his utter genius in the air. Sirius didn't have that keen eye that Wadcock did when she advocated for his skill to Quidditch society, he merely watched as James bent over a desk every night and worked out plays, constantly tweaking them time and time again till they met his impeccably high standards. Sirius watched as his friend worked tirelessly to convert himself into an unnaturally flawless machine built to compete with the highest of the competition.

So every year since James's break through game at the end of third year, Gryffindor had been absurdly dominant, upsetting all three of the other teams in its wildly destructive wake. And Sirius knew that if anyone could do it, it would have to be James. No one else used their own body to the same insane extent James did, no one else pushed themselves to the brink of exhaustion and back again, no one else was as addicted to the game as James Potter was and it showed in every match he played. But 'played' was a term lacking in accuracy when one wanted to describe James's dominating presence within Quidditch. 'Obliterated' was a much more precise description.

"-another ten points to Gryffindor!"

James had just pulled off another left-handed shot to increase their lead even more, earning the expected boos from the disappointed Hufflepuff section and the raucous cheers from the rowdy Gryffindors. Ravenclaw and Slytherin simply watched on with their quidditch captains attempting to find flaws in James's play. They had found none. It was obvious in their frustrated faces. Unsurprisingly. Sirius snorted at the idiotic notion that one could find error in a plan that James Fucking Potter himself had conducted.

For most of the past week, James spent his spare - and occasionally class - time reworking plans and closely examining patterns in play of the opposing side for this match and it had clearly paid off with his team working seamlessly against the other, only ever allowing a few goals in but those few goals were fair play.

"-McKinnon is pulling up the side, moving into an opening!"

Marlene McKinnon was another genius on a broom, not nearly as physical nor as technical as James but her talent and game intelligence easily surpassed anyone else. Her and James's chemistry was both admired and hated throughout Hogwarts. The Gryffindors loved it with a passion while everyone else wanted it to burn and die until it couldn't ever come back to haunt them on the pitch.

Marlene caught the quaffle that James had expertly lobbed her way and sped forward, overtaking the defending chaser - Amos Diggory - before sinking it skillfully into the right hoop. She darted back into position, awaiting the counteract as James wandered, attempting to break up the formation that Hufflepuff used. He did so with a flamboyant interception of the quaffle when Diggory tried to throw it to Laila Bennett to restart play.

James rushed past everyone, moving to the left side of the pitch, taking two opposing chasers with him while simultaneously allowing Marlene and the rookie, Natalie Holkham to have free passage to goal. In his desperation to compensate for his chasers' mistake in attempting to double team James and being led astray in the process, Bones launched a bludger - this time aimed at Marlene - but missed and the violent projectile slammed into a wall of the stands.

"-McKinnon is in possession of the Quaffle once more, passing it off to Holkham before diving under another bludger, this time sent by Rickett!"

Sirius calmly shifted in his position as he watched them play and smirked as he knew what Holkham was capable of. The thirteen-year-old was a talented athlete who James and Marlene had taken under their wings as someone akin to a baby sister. It was rather unfortunate for the young girl to be infatuated with James like so many others were, but it had certainly helped the team immensely when she was willing to go pretty damn far to impress him. And so, she was like their secret weapon, her unpredictability in shooting had firmly cemented her position as a reliable scorer for the team. Not to mention how amicable she was with everyone else.

James himself had even commented on how he would eventually like her to take up captain hood after his departure. His compliments only served to make her like him even more.

"-Holkham speeds toward the goals, that eighty-two percent conversion rate looking scary for Hufflepuff, not even Potter is that consistent- ten points to Gryffindor!"

She flew by Marlene and they high-fived in celebration of the stunning goal. As they swiftly rearranged in a defensive position, the seekers had found the snitch.

And soon enough, James's craftiness would come into play as the pair remembered his unorthodox tactic of rushing the seekers to create an opening.

Quickly making her way to her crush's side - Dorcas -, Marlene interfered with the opposing seeker's path towards the snitch.

Holkham pulled back to the middle of the pitch to run a distraction for the chasers as James and his more potent physicality was able to keep Dorcas in a clean flight to the target.

A bludger came in, aimed at Dorcas's head and James stuck his hand out, blocking it but a breaking noise could be heard around the quieted stadium.

The announcer winced "-ooh, Potter took a pretty harsh- Meadows has caught the snitch! Gryffindor wins 280-40!"

The dive that Dorcas had gone into locked the game in for the team and secured their place - for the third year in a row - at the top. A sea of red and gold rose and deafening exclamations of approval originated from their section of the stands.

Everyone from Gryffindor rushed their house team, hoisting young Natalie and Dorcas up on their shoulders and cheering for her skillful play. The rest of the team seemed quite eager to go to the after party so that had quickly left to the locker rooms to clean up.

A smaller set of people had surrounded James over in the middle of the pitch with Marlene by his side.

Sirius ignored the crowd and snuck past them, kneeling down beside James and examining his wounds. Sirius was the primary healer for the Marauders after the full moon, making sure that all of the boys were in top condition. He supposed his passion for the subject was partly fueled by the poetic element to it; whereas his family destroyed and tortured with vicious magic, he healed and protected. His rebellious nature had somehow led to him working day and night to becoming rather adequate in the craft regardless of his own distaste of the nation of having to toil for benefits to be reaped. But he saw how fucked up his brothers usually got after the full moon and decided that it would've been better to heal them himself rather than risk Remus's secret being exposed by an trip to the hospital wing.

Poppy knew Remus's affliction but the danger of a patient learning of it prevented Sirius from just letting his friend go for healing while at the threat of being outed.

"Alright, Prongs? Where's the break, I'll keep in a stasis." Sirius gestured at James's arm. Marlene watched on with interest as she watched Sirius - who was widely known for his wild and violent nature - tenderly deal with James's limb as if it were a baby and Sirius, was the mother.

"Thanks, Padf- "

The crowd started chanting "Po-tter, Po-tter...!" James shrugged carelessly with a cocky smirk and was helped up by Marlene - who was soon getting her own riotous cheers of her last name - and Sirius.

"Poppy's going to be happy." Sirius snickered. They all knew who Madam Pomfrey's most visiting patient was.

James chuckled. "My visits do brighten up her day, those Slytherins we send in just don't cut it."

Marlene hit the back of his head. "Hush, Lily's here..." she sang teasingly. "Don't say that stuff around her."

Sirius watched James and Lily converse, their tentative words being drowned out by his musing thoughts and the roaring crowd. What happened with them?

Evans was a peculiar girl, the quintessential Gryffindor - much like James himself - but was rather friendly with someone who could only be described as a snake. Snivellus was - for lack of a better word - a social reject. There really was nothing redeeming about him. Bigoted, fucked up moral compass, victim complex, the list went on and on. His disgustingly nonexistent hygiene was just the cherry on top.

Since the first day that he and James had met, horns were locked, and malicious animosity had sparked between the two of them. Snape had always done his best to attack James - what was his fixation on the man? - at any given moment, going as far as to sneak around and attempt to assault him. Sirius was man enough to admit that both he and James were definitely at fault for continuing the vicious cycle though.

And Evans herself was known to oppose any and all anti-muggleborn sentiment with a passion; didn't she know that he friend was one of their primary supporters? Marlene and Mary had to have warned her of this multiple times. Maybe they try to keep her sheltered? That's not very smart.

But the peculiarity of the organism known as Lily Jolene Evans didn't end there, for the fact that she had a rather obvious crush on James Fleamont Potter had made her into a quite possibly the most interesting thing since muggle strip clubs. Sirius had no idea how no one else saw it, Evans was just not sneaky. But everyone believed her and James to be enemies even though some will admit to the glaring sexual tension present between the two of them.

Sirius didn't want to step in and match make, as James's current state with everything going on with him would prevent a legitimate bond for them. Evans would of course, be all in for a relationship but James's mindset was just not ready to jump back into an attempt at romance again.

The girl was best friends with her crush's enemy and Sirius thought that to be stranger than the time he was still in the closet.

The thing that made the whole situation even more entertaining for him was the fact that James actually reciprocated Evans's feelings... inner conflict just ensured that acting on those feelings would be an action filled with fear and apprehension.

Sirius didn't tell anyone this however, James would not take kindly to him claiming that the arrogant prick actually felt something for the 'swotty, stuck up prude'. It was humorous, how often James would talk about her and then continue to slander her while being completely unaware of how frequently he obsessed over her every action. 'Sirius! You won't believe how annoying Evans was today!' or, 'Remus! Can you tell Evans to shut up for once?!' Or even 'Pete! Did you see how she was letting that guy slobber all over her?!' The denial was hilarious for the rest of the Marauders.

"Sirius, we need to go to Poppy, get James." Marlene ordered, shaking Sirius from his thoughts on Prongs and Evans.

"Bye, Potter." Evans said, strangely shy. Seriously, what the fuck happened?

"Bye Evans..." James might not have noticed but Sirius certainly did, his eyes framed by silver-wired glasses were filled with veiled adoration for the green-eyed redhead as she turned away.

Oh Prongs, you're so stupid sometimes...

"-Reggie, don't fucking do this." Sirius begged. "Please."

Regulus Black paced back and forth in the abandoned classroom, inner thoughts conflicted as he was being confronted by his brother about his affiliation with the Pureblood supremacists. "Sirius, you know I can't, our family-"

"NO!" Sirius roared, anger etched into every inch of his face as he looked upon his little brother. "They are not family." He growled, roughly slamming his pale hands down onto a desk. "Don't fucking go with them, please. Me and James-"

"James again! Why is it always James?! James this, James that!" Regulus ranted angrily. "Why do you talk about him SO DAMN MUCH?!"

"What?! Are you jealous or something?! You wish you were his friend." Sirius spat back, infuriated that Regulus wears trying to take a shot at James.

"WHY IS HE SO SPECIAL?! HE'S JUST SOME FILTHY BLOOD TRAITOR!"

Sirius jumped up, lunging at his brother like a predator would to a prey, knocking him into a stone wall. "He's my best friend." He gritted out.

"And you forget about everything else?! What about me?! I'M THE ONE THAT HAS TO DEAL WITH THE FAMILY!" Regulus pushed Sirius off of him and balled his fists with barely restrained spite.

"SHUT UP! THEY ARE NOT FAMILY. THEY NEVER WERE!" Sirius bellowed, his own emotions getting the better of him.

"Sirius..."

"No." He put his foot down, staring straight at his brother. "Choose."

"What?" Regulus asked dumbly, shocked.

"Me or them." He stood up taller.

"Sirius no-"

"Me or them." He cut back in, jaw tense. What was so difficult? CHOOSE ME DAMMIT!

"Sirius, please." Regulus begged.

"Me or them." It's not that hard, Reggie. C'mon.

"Stop."

"Me or them." Sirius's fists clenched tightly, drawing blood from his palm as his nails dug into it.

"You know I can't-"

"I did it pretty fucking easily and I'm living my best fucking life. Me or them." Sirius crossed his arms, unmoving and his face was stony.

"I can't do what you did, I don't have anyone."

"You have me." Sirius implored.

"I-I can't just do that, you know this."

Sirius's anger came back full force. "Me. Or them."

Regulus stayed quiet. No... please no...

"Fine." Sirius bit out, turning away sharply. He through a nasty look at his brother over his shoulder. "You're not my brother."

Regulus's face was morphed into an extreme expression of hurt. Sirius couldn't help himself, he was a cruel man and he knew how to hit it where it hurt.

"James is my brother. Because my brother would stand by me. And my brother wouldn't choose them." He spat, walking away. His head was held high and a false air of confidence was emitting from his posture, making it seem as if he was unaffected. However, both Regulus and Sirius himself knew that he was anything but.

"-do the demonstration please, Mister Black." Flitwick turned to the boy in question and gestured for him to move to the front of the class. Sirius obliged with a bored expression on his face, the spell they were learning was supposed to be difficult but Sirius and James's obsessions with learning every bit of cool sounding magic they can made the idea of the spell being difficult, completely laughable. It was probably why teachers often requested the Marauders to present their spell work - and likely so that they can keep them from fucking around in class.

They were in an advanced charms class, learning aguamenti, a charm that shot water from the tip of the wand. It was also the charm that Remus had used to make a water slide in the main stairway. It was safe to say that the Marauders just understood the assignment.

The water flowed out of Sirius's wand and spouted upwards like a fountain would and the demonstration was met by nods of approval and a few admiring gazes.

"Excellent work, Mister Black! Thank you." Professor Flitwick bounced jovially on the balls of his feet behind his table.

For the rest of the class period, Sirius just napped, ignoring the commotion around him as students bustled around, attempting to try the charm in different situations set in different places within the classroom.

Once the bell had rung, he quickly exited the classroom, wanting to go find James, who would probably be pigging out with Remus in the kitchens. It was full moon today and they needed energy, as a big stag, James needed lots of food to be able operate at maximum efficiency and Remus's transformations just took a lot out of him. As charms was the last class of the day, Sirius was free to join his friends who had their last classes in advanced Transfiguration two hours earlier. Pulling out the map, he wanted to check where they were but saw a new person heading his way. Snivellus. Sirius hated the bastard with a fucking passion and for good reason too. His affinity to the dark arts had immediately set Sirius on the path of hatred towards him. James wasn't well-versed in knowledge of dark magic like Sirius had been, but Snape was very clearly against muggleborns and that had been the thing to irk James about the greasy bigot.

There was also the fact that ever since the year had started, Snape had taken to stalking them every month they had ventured out on the full moon to help Remus. And so, James had come to the conclusion that Snivellus should be pranked even more than any of the other Slytherins, to hopefully deter him from following them. But alas, Ol' Snivelly's head was fucked up to point he couldn't even comprehend that if he were to face them, it would b instead of the usua with James and Sirius barely toying with him. Fucking dumbass. I mean, he could barely handle James when he sneaks up on him like a creep- how the fuck would he fight all four of us? At once?

"Hello Snivellus." The grin in Sirius's voice was painfully obvious as Snape snarled.

"Black." He choked out, growling in anger. Merlin, the greaseball was easy to rile up. "What do you want?" Snape asked, malicious intent clear as day in his body language.

"Oh, just wondering if your cronies decided to ditch you. Maybe they thought they'd slip on the grease if they walked next to you." The haughty cruelty in Sirius's words were back, rearing its ugly head once more.

Sirius could see anger flushing Snivellus's cheeks but surprisingly, he cooled down and a painfully arrogant smirk crossed his chapped lips. What's he doing...?

"My cronies... you mean your brother? I heard him, you know... crying about how big brother Sirius Black didn't want him anymore- and guess what? You should've seen him. He was so angry... the things he said..." Snape's smirk grew wider and wider, bordering on a pathetically bastardized Potteresque one. Sirius's fists clenched, drawing blood for the second time today. The sting distracted him from the roaring lion in his head, begging and pleading him to lunge- to attack.

"What did you do to him?" Sirius snarled. "I swear if you- "

He was cut off with a derisive snort, taunting him. "I didn't do anything... you on the other hand..." a laugh reverberated around the hall, mocking Sirius's anger.

Blood was felt on his hands, dripping down his fingers and Sirius's lightheadedness from it certainly didn't help him. His loss of judgement and sharp spikes of impulsivity in the next few moments would forever haunt him.

"Shut up, Snivellous." He growled, stepping closer menacingly, he saw fear flicker in those beady black eyes, and he relished the effect he could have on lesser men like him. "You and your little death eaters, stay the fuck away from him."

"No, I don't think I will." Snape retorted with a defiant expression. "You can't control everyone, Black. Potter is all crazy, your brother decided he doesn't need you... and your precious Lupin definitely can't be controlled." He sneered, daring Sirius to move, to attack. But even in his current state of possessing a loose grasp on consciousness, Sirius kept himself from lunging. But his self-control wasn't good enough for what was about to come next. He did consider assaulting him, but... there were easier ways to dispose of trash. Like throwing them to the wolves.

"Oh, you want to know about Lupin, don't you?" Sirius's face was contorted into a feral expression he'd only ever known to be on Remus's during the full moon. Cruelty was comforting to him, and he fucking loved it. He wanted to bring Snivellus pain, he wanted him to hurt. But not only that, he wanted him to be humiliated, for all of his taunts and insults about Remus, attempting to oust him as a 'monster' had finally built up and this was the straw that broke the camel's back. Sirius had enough, he would give the greasy bastard what he wanted and maybe- just maybe, he'd feel the pain that Remus always did.

"Go to the whomping willow tonight, press the knot on a tree root and you might fucking find out." His voice was deadly, venom laced his every syllable. He leaned down to Snape's height, straining his neck and inhumanity was all that could be spotted in his gray orbs.

Seeing Snape's insufferable smirk, he turned away and stomped off, leaving Snape behind feeling satisfied, for his enemies would finally get their dues. Sirius kept walking away, refusing to spare another thought to the little bitch he left in the empty hallway.

Oh Padfoot, you're so stupid sometimes...

Nerves and guilt wracked his body as he sat in front of James in the kitchens, waiting for Peter's signal to go to the Whomping Willow. He watched as his friend happily ate ham and cheese sandwiches all the while the only thing in Sirius's stomach was glaring pain and self-hatred.

"Pads... you alright mate?" James asked, cocking his head to the side as if he were a puppy. "You look a bit..." he trailed off, trying to find the word" ...frazzled."

"N-no, I'm good." Sirius's breathing became heavier as he thought of the repercussions of his actions. Fuck.

"You can tell me whatever, you know that right? Is it a girl?"

Sirius shook his head, sweating bullets.

James sat up straight, a worried expression on his face. His hazel eyes narrowed, attempting to figure out what was wrong with his usually nonchalant friend. Sirius knew James would try to fix everything, it was just who he was and the earnest in his face just added even more guilt to the bubbling cauldron that was his conscience.

James leaned forward in his seat anxiously. "You sure? Was it Mulciber? Sna-"

"I told him." I'm so dead. Sirius wrung his hands in a manner that only served to heighten James's anxiety.

"What?" Came James's confused reply. Sirius knew he was in for it. "Told... him what?"

"I-I told him where to go- to the willow." Sirius braced himself for the punch he knew was coming but James never launched it. He looked up at his friend and saw something he never wanted to witness in his life. He could deal with getting hit, he could deal with getting cut, he could even deal with the cruciatus that his family put him under to comply with their wishes. But he couldn't deal with James Potter's disappointment. James looked at him, his face showing utter betrayal and then anger flashed in his normally jovial eyes.

"You... what?" James stood still, and for the first time since he was eleven and had to witness someone being tortured, he was afraid.

"I-I told Snape where to go. To... the whomping willow." He answered meekly, practically folding into himself in shame and guilt.

Suddenly, a tan fist came into his line of sight and made hard contact with his nose, making it spill coppery blood all over his white shirt.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" James roared, grabbing Sirius's collar, and picking him up, showcasing the impressive arm strength that the entire Quidditch team worshipped every game. His muscles were taut, and Sirius could see the bulging veins in both his forearm and grip. His knuckles were white and every part of him seemed to be tense. Boiling rage was written in every part of him and Sirius... he was terrified. "HOW COULD YOU?! YOU-YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE OUR FRIEND!" There it was.

"I-I'm sorry." Came the weak reply from the long-haired boy.

"SORRY DOESN'T FUCKING CUT IT." James through Sirius back and off the chair, making the boy collapse on the ground. He stood over the man he used to call his best friend and all Sirius saw in James's visage as he looked up from his powerless position on the cold floor of the kitchens, was hot rage.

"James- please."

"NO." He yelled, pointing an accusing finger at him. He continued in a deadly voice that spoke of terrors and cold blood that Sirius didn't know James possessed. "SHUT UP. YOU PROMISED HIM..." he sighed, taking a shaky, calming breath. "Now, I'm going to go fix your mess."

James threw one last scathing look at the boy on the floor and ran off. Fuck.

After what seemed like an eternity of wallowing, Sirius finally picked himself up, now determined to face the music. He couldn't live with the shame of betraying his friends like this, if he got expelled, it wouldn't matter because what was the point of staying at this dumb school if his friends hated him. He'd dealt with hate for a long time, and he did so easily. But the hatred coming from James Potter was something that he honestly believed he wouldn't be able to recover from. And then add that onto the already gargantuan effect that Peter and Remus's abhorrence would have on him, suicide would definitely be in the cards.

He exited the kitchens and trudged up to Dumbledore's office, feeling completely dead inside. He knew he looked like shit, his eyes red, his hair and shirt covered in blood, and his nose probably crooked to the point where he could get mistaken for Snivellus's better looking brother.

"Sugar quills." He monotoned dully at the entrance to the Headmaster's office. He and James often have discussions with Dumbledore on random shit that happens, and the password was provided to them often. Walking in, he felt another wave of remorse hit his stomach, coaxing the feeling of nausea to make its way to his brain.

"Mister Black?" Professor Dumbledore inquired curiously. He was currently seated behind his big desk, a place with neatly placed trinkets, all normally looking highly tempting to play with but Sirius couldn't give a damn about them. The kind grandfather-ly tone in Dumbledore's old voice made Sirius feel even worse. Why was everyone so good compared to him? Sirius felt like a fucking failure. Maybe mother was right, he thought bitterly.

Sirius snapped out of his self-deprecating musing and blurted out, "I told Snape where to find Remus and now James went off a-and- fuck."

The wizened headmaster's eyes widened infinitesimally as the horrifying implication of Sirius's anxious admittance sunk in.

The rest of the night was a blur, the only things that he could remember the next day was a bloodied fist and hazel eyes that then only held a venomous disdain for him.

Hogwarts was quiet. But it wasn't the blissfully peaceful hush in the morning where there was only calm. It wasn't the soundless state in which one would feel in a garden, it wasn't the muteness that was found in a library.

In the stone halls of the grand castle, the silence that was felt by everyone was an eerie quiet, putting everyone on edge as unease spread through the population. The students felt it. The teachers felt it.

And for the first time since 1971, Hogwarts was completely silent.

Lily Evans was worried. When she woke up that morning, everything seemed fine. But everything seemed too fine. Hexes weren't thrown around carelessly. There was no boisterous laughter that seemingly bounced off walls and surrounded a loud group of four boys. There was no charmingly arrogant smirk that drew everyone in like they were moths to a flame.

There was only silence.

As Lily sat down at dinner, she watched the Marauders. Well, everyone did, but Lily had a personal interest in the band of misfits. James.

He was silent and withdrawn, never saying more than a few quiet words at a time. Most of his answers had been the boring monosyllabic 'yes' or 'no' that scared everyone else to death. He didn't play any pranks, he didn't chuckle, he didn't snicker. Even Mulciber's cruel taunts didn't seem to faze him. He kept quiet and for some odd reason, every time he looked at his best friend, glaring anger seemed to radiate from his body before he deflated when he simply didn't have energy anymore.

But she didn't just notice James's changes; the other Marauders' dynamics with each other seemed to be completely fucked up. Lupin was in a constant state of vexation with anyone and everyone. Pettigrew was somehow even more unsure of himself than before, always hesitant to say anything. Black was quiet, not the reserved quiet like James, whose silence could be seen as a disturbing nonchalance. Black wasn't like that, he was silent in the way a guilty criminal would when caught, he had his head down, his back constantly bent as he hunched over what he did. He was nothing like the image of the prince that people often saw him as.

The Marauders were gone.

Lily collapsed on her bed, exhausted. She'd just finished a three page essay on the application of Arithmancy in defensive spells and she was done. Now usually, an assignment from class wasn't exactly something that would warrant such pessimistic reactions from her, but it wasn't just the essay that caused her to feel this way. The whole week had been utter shit, upside down with nothing going the way it was supposed to. She felt as if she were in a fever dream, utterly mind-boggling and unreal. Everythingshe'd expected to happen, didn't and everything she didn't expect to happen, did. It was all fucked up, really.

She sighed, getting up to go change into her nightclothes - a simple flannel shirt and sweatpants she'd bought in muggle London when she went out with her mum one time.

"Lily, are you in he- oh there you are, I was looking everywhere for you." Marlene sat down on her bed as Lily finished buttoning up the flannel. "So anyways-"

"Wait, sorry- can you let me brush my teeth first? I'll be right with you." Lily cut in apologetically.

"Oh that's fine, take your time." Marlene waved her off and stretched, yawning before she fell back on her bed.

After about fifteen minutes of keeping up with her personal hygiene, Lily walked back out of the bathroom and stood in front of her blonde friend.

Marlene patted a spot next to where she was laying, and Lily unceremoniously plopped down in it. "So, what do you want to talk about?" She folded her hands over her stomach.

Marlene twiddled with her thumbs. "Dorcas- erm... do you think I have a chance with her?" She asked nervously. Again, another sign that the world was going batshit crazy: Marlene McKinnon being unsure of herself.

"What have you tried so far?" Lily blew a strand of red hair out of her face that had previously fallen into her eyes.

"Erm, just being her friend I guess... she's still comfortable with me like always but she's just somewhere else all the time. Like, a little distant." Marlene reached a hand up her own shirt, squeezing her breast as a stress-reliever. It was a tactic Lily often used after scolding James for his bad behavior.

"Wait, somewhere else...? What do you mean?"

"I asked her if she still liked James and she said she doesn't, but she was being kind of vague about everything. Like, it was super ambiguous and everything." She pursed her lips, frowning.

Lily's blood ran cold. Dear God, please no...

She didn't want to have to compete with another girl for James's attention, and especially not her own friend. She'd already had to deal with watching as girls blatantly ogled him - although he never really seems to care - and coping with knowing that her own friend would be doing her darndest to seduce him was just not healthy for her.

"What?"

Marlene's head shot back up and looked at Lily, puzzled. "What do you mean, what?"

Lily clarified, "She still likes him?"

Marlene looked unsure. "Erm... well, I don't know. It's a possibility, but I don't think she does. And besides, she knows he doesn't like her anyways."

"Oh." Lily felt relief bubble up in her chest and she relaxed. Of course, even if Dorcas liked James, he didn't like her so there wasn't any further anxiety for Lily concerning those two. Lily remembered the conversation she, Marlene, and Dorcas had on Valentine's Day.

Dorky had been crying while Marlene was comforting her when Lily walked in. After a quick - and very tearful- rundown of what had transpired with James, Lily immediately felt awful. She'd been worried about him hooking up with her when he didn't even like her. There was also the joy and then guilt that followed as a result of the joy she felt when she heard Dorcas talk about his rejection of her affections. God, I'm a terrible friend. Holy shit.

"Yeah, so... what do I do?" Marlene asked, breaking Lily out of her thoughts by clasping her hands together semi-awkwardly.

"Do you know if she's even attracted to women?" Lily played the hem of her shirt absentmindedly.

"Well, I think so. She talks about how pretty birds are more than she talks about blokes. And James is the only guy she's ever liked."

"Then that's perfect," lily exclaimed happily, "you're gorgeous anyways so she's bound to be at least attracted to you. Just make sure you definitively know that's she's bisexual."

Marlene nodded her head appreciatively, taking in the reassurance of her physical desirability from her red headed friend. "Sounds great, wait- speaking of James... what's up with him and the guys?" Marlene asked curiously. "I tried to talk to the boys but they're all weird right now and I can't really talk to James either."

To be perfectly honest, Lily had no idea what was going on with those boys either.

"I don't know but the Slytherins are really happy about it and Sev... he keeps going on about how James isn't as 'wonderful' as everyone thought he was." She made air quotations at the word 'wonderful'. Marlene snorted. "Merlin, that boy is so jealous of him, it's crazy." Marlene paused as if she came to a realization. "Ya know, I think Snape likes you."

Lily looked at the blonde beside her in disbelief, "What? No he doesn't." She scoffed, denying the far-fetched theory. That's fucking ridiculous, he's like a brother.

Marlene smirked and said suggestively, "You sure? You always rant about how Snape hates your boyfriends..."

Lily grimaced, remembering the conversations in which she complained about how Sev seemed to always have something against boys she went out with. And Lily definitely didn't miss Marlene's insinuation about her and James dating. "He isn't my boyfriend, and I don't even know if he likes me." She gave Marlene a pointed look, daring her to continue her line of reasoning. But of course, this was one of the few times this week that Marlene decided to stay in character.

"Yeah, but you like him. Surely if Snape got mad even when you dated guys you didn't like, he'd be even more mad at James, who you do like?" Marlene posed this as a multi-purpose question, both to insist that Sev did like her (which was preposterous) and to reaffirm that Lily was still as enamored with James as she always was.

"Well yeah I like him," She said it like it was ridiculous to think otherwise, "but Sev doesn't like me so he wouldn't care." Lily shot back.

Marlene gave her a disbelieving look, lounging back with her hands behind her head on the headboard.

"Well... he did sound angry when he said James likes me- but that's insane, James wouldn't treat me like he does if he actually does likes me..." Lily paused mid-sentence, furrowing her eyebrows. "...would he...?"

So now, instead of dwelling on the ludicrous theories that Marlene had concocted about Sev, her mind had gone straight to her own theories concerning the obnoxiously fit and specky git that she'd liked since third year.

Sirius Black sat at the far end of the Black lake, near the edge of the dark Forbidden forest in a place hidden by shrubs and bountiful greenery. The scenery was gorgeous and ought to have been admired, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it.

Just earlier in the week, he looked on to the face of his brother - the boy he knew as his savior - glower at him with a contempt he'd only seen on the expressions of those with his blood. His blood, his biology, not his family. He would never call them family- could never call them family.

The boys were his family though, yet he'd had betrayed them during a brief moment in which he desired nothing more than the crimson blood of his enemy, pooling on the ground. Snape had deserved to die, Sirius didn't feel bad about that because quite frankly, Snivellus was worth drastically less than the dirt beneath his feet. No, it wasn't the potential of a loss of life that made him swell with regret; he was used to death, he'd witnessed it with his own two eyes multiple times. It wasn't the excessive cruelty with which he acted either, that wasn't what made him crumble inside and wish he could be put out of his suffering. No not at all, guilt regarding the endangerment of those like Snivellus were below men as brilliant as Sirius Black.

It wasn't morals, or even his humanity that filled him up with regret, it was the look of disappointment in James Potter's eyes as he gazed tiredly at him in Dumbledore's office that had set his mind into a downward spiral.

The more he thought about it, the more jabbing pains he felt in his stomach.

He reached over to his side and grabbed a flat rock, examining it. There were a few scuffs on it, but was otherwise a flawless gray.

Sirius held it between his thumb and middle finger, with his ring and index fingers keeping it in place. He cocked his arm back to the side and prepared to launch it. Flicking his wrist, he sent it skipping across the glassy water. He liked the feeling of the motion. It was therapeutic.

So he threw it again.

And again.

And again.

And aga-

"Black?" When Sirius threw it, the rock pathetically plopped below the surface. He turned to where the voice came from and spotted Evans, walking towards him. A curious expression was in her face as she approached.

"Evans. Erm- what are you doing here?" He tried politely, being callous had already gotten him into deep shit, he didn't want to have to deal with more drama just because he didn't have a filter.

"I... I go here sometimes to uh- think, I guess." She finished lamely, tentatively taking a seat beside Sirius. He scooted over to provide space for her. "What about you?"

He sighed. "Just thinking. " he chewed on the inside of his cheek. "Some stuff going on." He said vaguely.

"What kind of stuff- if you don't mind me asking."

"The guys." He said by way of explanation.

Sirius shrugged, propping back on his elbows, and looked out over the vast waters of the lake. The darkening sky brought a comfort to his beaten mind.

But just as his eyes began to droop, Evans spoke again. "What happened? With you and the rest of the guys, I mean." She clarified. He looked over at her while she was gazing into the horizon, admiring the warm clash of colors in late afternoon sky.

"Well... you know the rumors going around about James and Snivellus?"

"Don't call him that." Came the automatic response.

Sirius chuckled, amused by the redhead. "Alright. About James and Snape. Happy?"

Evans finally glanced at him. "Unbelievably so." She deadpanned. "So, what about it? I just heard that James saved Sev... or something along those lines."

Sirius nodded. "That's right," he ran a hand through his long black hair a bit anxiously. "But uh," he pursed his lips awkwardly, trying to find the proper words. Finally, he settled on: "He had to save him, because of me."

Evans's eyes widened and her interest appeared to be even more piqued. "How so?"

"Well, I can't tell you everything but... I said some things to Snape and he uhh- he ran off with it and James had to save his arse." He said simply, shrugging once again.

"Oh. You can't tell me anything else?" Sirius just shook his head. "Alright, so the boys are mad at you because you told Sev some secret?"

"Yup." He responded in a monotone. Sighing, he admitted: "They trusted me, and I fucked up. James hates me now."

She was taken aback by his negative words. "Well, I'm sure he doesn't hate you, that bloke could never hate you."

"Why aren't you mad at me for putting Sniv- Snape in danger?" He changed topics.

"I imagine James has already gotten on your case about it and I know how much his word means to you so there's really no point in getting mad." She shrugged carelessly. "I can't really imagine someone that important in my life going off on me, I'd want other people to cut me some slack too."

Sirius snorted. "But you can imagine."

She gave a puzzled frown. He continued, "James. We're in the same boat, you, and me. You're just as obsessed with the prick as I am. I'm just the one that can admit it."

Lily spluttered, attempting to deny the accusations. It only made Sirius more entertained. "You think I don't notice how often you walk around with your head down after an argument with him?" She ducked her head, clearly trying to fight the rosy blush that would surely be staining her cheeks.

"I've seen you, pining for him. It's all rather fun to watch, really. Seeing you get all riled up because some blonde bimbo decides to flirt with him." Sirius pressed his lips together, attempting to hold in a laugh as he watched Evans become increasingly more embarrassed. He honestly had no idea how everyone else didn't catch on to her infatuation, it was so glaringly obvious for anyone who even glanced at her! Or maybe just for him, he prided himself on his ability to read people.

Lily made a sour face. "Hey, I was being nice to you and you- you just throw this in my face." She whined petulantly, hugging her knees to her chest, and wrapping her arms around her legs, putting her head in them.

"Well sorry, Evans. Just trying to have a laugh, it's been boring around here lately." He wasn't sorry at all. "And while we're on the subject of your addiction to him, I want to help." He said bluntly.

She looked up from her arms, green eyes boring into his in search for any signs of deceit. Lily reluctantly grabbed the bait he set out. "Why would you? Wouldn't you want to keep him to yourself?" She asked, suspicion dripping from her voice.

"Evans, it doesn't matter," he shrugged, "as long as he's happy, I don't care."

She nodded at this, seemingly accepting the information without much resistance. "Alright... how would you help?"

Bingo. He rather enjoyed Evans's company, it was a comfortable experience, and he wouldn't mind helping her with boy troubles, especially when she could make James happy. He would do anything to see that arrogant smirk light up the room again.

"Ask some questions, I guess. I'll answer."

Lily eagerly agreed. "Sounds great, erm..." her head snapped back up, a lightbulb going off in her mind. "How does he feel about me?"

"Ooh, a hard hitter huh?" Sirius chuckled before sobering a bit. "Uh- James, it's complicated but I do know he likes you." Her face brightened up dramatically before realizing what he had also said. "Hold up- complicated?" Her eyes suddenly widened as she came upon a horrifying thought. "Does he-"she gulped, "does he like someone else?"

Seeing the worried look on her face, Sirius was quick to allay her fears. "No, no, nothing like that. He's just... dealing with a lot of things right now so relationships would be kind of... inappropriate for him." He grimaced. Casting an apologetical look at her. "But I know he's not interested in anyone else."

Sirius could visibly see the relief sweep back into the redhead. "Wait- are absolutely sure he likes me?"

"Well of course, I can read him like an open book and besides, he's always talking about you in some way. Either complaining or... yeah that's it." Catching the look in her narrowed skeptical eyes, he quickly backtracked. "I just meant the boy is obsessed; he just doesn't know it."

"What should I do?" She leaned towards him in anticipation, dark red eyebrows furrowed as she waited for his answer.

"Just wait, he needs to sort himself out, I can't really help you with matchmaking right now... he-he's too volatile. Him with his current headspace going into a relationship would be like a bull in a China shop." He laid a comforting hand on her shoulder as her eyes were downcast. "But he's not into anyone else, you probably have the best chance to snag him."

She gave a wry grin. "Thanks Black, you know- you're not as bad as I thought you were, even if you did put Sev in danger."

Now Sirius was met with a compulsion to correct her statement and defend himself. "Well, I gave him information, bait if you will. I didn't think he would be stupid enough to take it- but I still shouldn't have done it anyways."

She clearly didn't know what to say to that so she settled on: "I'm sure things will get better. Your boys- I think you'll be fine."

He got up, holding out a hand to help her up and head back to the castle.

"Thanks Evans."

Remus paced the floor of the boys' dorm, contemplating their situation with a pessimistic frown on his face. He knew Sirius was impulsive but... he didn't expect him to fuck up this bad. He wanted to hate the boy, but he couldn't, he loved the stupid fucker. Almost as much as he loved James.

His and Sirius's relationship was... unorthodox, to say the least. Not only was it homosexual, something to be scorned in today's society, it was also one of convenience. But it certainly helped that they were attracted to each other in a way they could never be with anyone else. But ultimately, it all came down to one person, James Potter. He was their brother, the one that made them whole. Their platonic love for him was stronger than their romantic love for each other. They both knew this. They understood it. In fact, they embraced it.

They would both jump in front of danger for James before even considering anyone else.

And after seeing James Potter return to the state, he was post-winter break, Remus Lupin was scared. He couldn't have a James Potter that didn't act like James Potter. He would put aside his own worries and grievances if it meant his best friend smiled again. He would forgive Sirius Black, his lover, the man who harmed him in a way he shouldn't ever be able to forgive.

Because James Potter was unhappy, and Remus Lupin simply couldn't live with that.

I don't really want to do anymore explanations. Too much work.

But please review!