Mash Burnedead and the Non-Magic

"Ya should've seen those pricks! They just snapped my wand! Just like that, I mean who does that!?"

"Hot-blooded barbarians. In fact, they remind me of you."

"Wanna say that to my face!?"

"I just did."

"OH YA WANNA GO, SMART MOUTH!?"

"It wouldn't take too long, things are quite confusing these days."

"Huh?"

Mash's eyeballs ping-ponged themselves over to each of his friends since they began their trek back to civilization after their brief skirmish with the bandit tribe, barely caring about their newest argument. It was always something about these two, whether it was Daut complaining about Lance's 'stupid mug' or how Lance keeps complaining about how Daut barely keeps his grades up. Daut usually responds with how he's a specialist in combat and that, "I do the bare minimum with my brain, and leave the rest to the flick of the wrist!"

Whatever that means…

"God, I know you're dead. But can you please give me a creampuff?" Mash pleaded, his kingdom for a cream stuffed golden confectionary of pure deliciousness! He doesn't have a kingdom, but he'll take one over if he has to!

Maybe he really was addicted to creampuffs? Nah, if anyone else was in his position they would do the same.

"After careful analysis and thorough investigation, I've come to the conclusion that we are no longer in the kingdom."

Daut stared at Lance, eyebrow raised. "Oh wow, I never could've guessed that myself."

Lance scoffed, "Let me finish, the tribeswoman I interrogated confirmed some of my theories. These people don't believe in magic, and they all don't have lines. A large population of lack-magics wouldn't be possible at home."

"Don't say lack-magics, Mash might find it offensive."

"I doubt it."

Mash was indeed not focusing on the terminology of Lance's words. He was instead focusing on the fact that the Vampire Lady told him to keep her magic a secret. She also tried to kill them, so Mash didn't feel inclined to listen to her.

He remembered their last conversation,

"Keep my magic a secret, it would be in your best interest."

"You're kinda shady, I don't know if I should. What if you're a criminal?"

"I technically am."

"In that case, I'm calling the police."

Raven laughed, a sickly amused sound that reverberated in her throat. "Good lick with that. However, if you tell anyone else of my secret then be prepared to put the pieces of your friends back together."

Mash got right up in her grill, bearing down on her with his merciless presence. "Now you're just being mean, stop that or get punched."

Raven shivered. In fear? No, something else. "I'd love to see you try."

Mash shivered, not in fear but something else. He didn't want to know why. Didn't matter anyway, it'll probably be the last time he'll ever see her since he already fulfilled his one favor that he owed her by keeping her secret. Mash nodded happily to himself, it was nice to tie up loose ends. "Goodbye Raven, you were pretty cool for a blood-thirsty vampire."

Daut noticed Mash talking to himself, especially when he mentioned Raven. "Raven, huh? So that's her name… she was pretty hot." Wait, no! Resist those temptations, Daut! You're already planning on engaging Lemon! ARGH, but I love assertive women! Especially if they can step on me! Oh god… I need help!

While Daut was having a meltdown, Mash nodded. "Yeah, she was pretty hot-" By the time he covered his mouth, it was too late. Mash has just indirectly referenced her fire magic! If he's not careful, he could reveal her entire secret, and then his favor will go unfulfilled!

Daut, of course, was not privy to this. So he stopped himself in the middle of his meltdown to scuttle up to Mash, smirking all the while. "This is new… I never knew you'd be the one to two-time." He beats his chest while walking beside Mash. "Honestly, Lemon deserves someone way better than you! Like me! I never betrayed her trust, unlike you!"

While Daut was waving his hands wildly, ranting at nothing but the air, Mash whispered over to Lance. "What's he talking about?"

"You don't want to know." Lance was quite sure Mash wasn't dating Lemon, especially since the only thing he's attracted to is a creampuff. Daut was simply jumping to conclusions. Though, I never expected Mash to be interested in older women.

Daut's raving was put to an end when he realized that, oh yeah, Lemon wasn't with Mash in the first place! "In that case, all is forgiven, Mash ol' buddy ol' pal!"

"`Kay?" He was just glad that the Vampire's secret is safe for now. Then he felt an arm wrap around his shoulders, "Come on Mash you can tell me, what is it about Raven that you're into? Her hateful glare, the way she sneers at you as if you belong at the bottom of her heel? Or is it the fact that she keeps fingering her blade-like she's itching to separate our heads from our bodies!?"

Both Mash and Lance pause their stride to stare at Daut, wondering how much of a degenerate their friend is.

Daut shrank under their gaze, unable to look them in the eye. "I'm just… curious ya know?"

Mash shook his head, "It's ok, we all like weird stuff, I'm passionate about creampuffs, you really like girls for some reason, and Lance has a sister complex."

Lance subtly ground his teeth, "How many times do I have to tell you, it's not like that!"

They both shrugged, whether they believed him or not, it was fun to see their extremely high-strung friend get flustered.

"Hooray for sibling love."

"Don't make me kill you."

MSHL

When dusk approached their long walk to civilization, Mash and the gang settled down for the night. When they realized they had nothing but the clothes on their back, they had interesting reactions.

Daut nodded, "Well then, we're dead. It's the end for us, we had a good run all things considered."

Lance shook his head, whether that was from the cold or just his usual disagreement with Daut, Mash didn't know. "You give up much too easily, we simply start a campfire to stay warm."

"Oh yeah! Good idea, hey Mash can ya get some firewood? Ya know Lance, for a pretty boy… you're okay in my book."

"Oh, joy…"

"Got it."

Daut and Lance looked over to see Mash carrying an entire tree plus root like an aluminum bat while getting flanked by an entire pack of squirrels, they blinked, then pointed to each other. "Called it." "Obviously."

"Um guys, where do I put this? All these squirrels keep biting me." Indeed they were nibbling their little teeth all over Mash's uniform and exposed skin, he couldn't even shake them off without hurting them.

Taking a moment to laugh at his friend's misery, Daut answered, "Just make it into a stump and we'll use that!"

Mash looked confused for a moment, but after a moment nodded. "`Kay." Turning the uprooted tree over in his hands, Mash karate chopped the bottom of the tree clean off. He threw the rest of the tree behind him, crashing down with a dull thump. "Here you go."

Lance nodded in thanks before pointing to Daut, "Now it's your turn, make yourself useful and light the campfire."

Daut frowned, "And what the hell will you do!" Is this guy just gonna boss them around!?

Lance rolled his eyes, "You'll see after you light this thing up."

Scoffing, Daut raised his palms to the stump. Doing his best to will the smallest firecrackers that his magic can produce to light the fire. Daut closed his eyes sweating, he prayed they all make it out of this alive. Preferably with all their limbs attached and not blown off.

Crackle

Cracking his eyes open just a tad, they soon flew open when he saw the stump burning with a small, healthy flame. "Haha! I did it, I did a wandless spell!" Relief coursed through Daut as he figured out how to control his magic without a focus tool like a wand.

Strange, Lance thought, he seemed to be throwing giant explosions around just fine back at the bandit camp. He told me his wand was broken in the middle of the skirmish, why would he lie? He shook his head, it was none of his business. Daut could still take care of himself, he wasn't like Finn. Not that he had anything against the younger Ames brother, in fact, he reminded him of Anna given his situation. Lance sighed, enough reminiscing, back to the task at hand.

Lance nodded to Daut, "Thank you, that wasn't so hard now was it?"

"I will blow you up." Daut reminded him.

"Next time, for now, watch me do my part."

He aimed his wand at the thin flame and cast a light Graviole on top of it. Suddenly, as if it was blown on with a chimney fan, the flame burst into a warm, and cozy campfire.

Daut's jaw dropped, "Did you just… gravitate the air to produce more flames? Is that even possible?"

Lance smirked, "Don't question it."

Shrugging, Daut found himself snuggling up to the fire. Rubbing his cold hands, he let out a shiver as his body relaxed. "Ahhh, now that's the ticket. Nice work team!"

"What are you doing?"

Turning, Daut found a confused Mash looking at him weirdly. "Uh, not freezing to death."

He shook his head, "A campfire is not complete without somewhere to sit." Mash stated as if complete fact.

Daut raised a jagged eyebrow, "Who the hell said that?"

"The camp guide I got when I was a kid."

"What," Daut laughed. "Never had a camping trip before."

Mash shook his head while looking down, "I never hung out with friends before."

Grk! Daut gripped his bleeding heart, tears spilling from his eyes. "I'm so sorry Mash! I'm honored to be your friend!"

Mash looked up, "Really?"

"Yup, ain't that right Lance?" Daut looked pointedly at his fellow magic-user as if trying to say 'don't you dare hurt his feelings!'.

Lance shrugged, "You're my friend."

Giving a small smile, Mash felt happy. "Thanks, guys. To celebrate our first hang-out I'll get us something to sit on." His piece said Mash disappeared from sight.

"Wait, Mash-!" His warning came too late as Mash hovered in the air slashing a knife hand to the top of three perfectly lined up trees. The tips fell off like they were simply erased from their wooden homes.

Landing silently onto the earth, Mash launched another air-blade to the bottoms of the same topless trees. Like magic, the slash lifted the gigantic trunks and made them land onto Mash's outstretched arms. All three of them.

Turning to his friends, Mash threw the wooden handmade chairs to the ground around the stump campfire. He spread his arms as if to say 'Tada!'

Daut and Lance looked at each other and nodded. "I shouldn't be surprised." "It should be expected."