Loud Music Parody: M-Edition
River (by Ed Sheeran and Marshall Bruce "Eminem" Mathers III)
Featuring: Lincoln (as main guy, & Eminem's Vocal), Ronnie (fiancee), Sid (other lover), Me/PiroBal (director, interviewer/Ed Sheeran)
Location: Loud-Verse Earth-MMLP (Marshall Mathers/Slim Shady Loud-Verse)
Author's Note: So I'm gonna make this question to know whether or not you know it. What does Eminem had in common with Lincoln Loud? Answer me in the review section but anyone who hasn't known must never peek the answer. Don't you dare cheat, unlike the current song to be used. Without further ado, leave a like, review/request, follow and I hope you enjoy. God Bless, Stay Safe and Peace/Shalom!
-Interview-
PiroBal: What does love mean to you?
Lincoln: That's a hard question really. I had different meaning for it. Some are familial, then there's romantics, and some are platonic and simply friendly.
…Skip…
Ronnie: All the mushy stuff. I can't even do any of those. Or maybe I refused to be that kind of person out of fear. I used my tough girl act as a defensive thing.
…Skip…
Sid: Love is… well, love. I really don't know why but… When I feel it, I know it. I like Ronnie as my bestie but… that's like… there's a difference.
…Skip: Bedroom, Ronnie's Apartment…
Sid [angry]: I wanted to be yours whether or not she's in the question!
Lincoln [angry]: Why!? Because I'm your best friends fiance!? Sid, we took pity on you when your man abandoned you! And you'll betray her trust!?
…Skip…
Ronnie [angry]: I fvcking hate both of you! How could you do this to me you traitors?! [looks at Sid] You Puta! I trusted you! I sheltered you when you were in the gutter! This is how you repay me!? [Looks at Lincoln] And you! Either you'll vasectomize or I'll castrate you myself!
Lincoln [angry]: So it's my fault now!? Afterall, you're the one who couldn't let go of your childhood fantasy! You never shown me that you love me! All we ever did is mess around! Don't blame me if I felt no spark from the both of us!
…Skip…
Ronnie: I guess, I should have learned to let down my guard and be a woman. I didn't show him the love he deserve. He broke my heart… but I… broke him first and played the victim…
…Skip…
Lincoln: My life isn't really something of a highlight reel. Sure I'm the only brother from a family of 10 sisters. I should be one that understands girls the most but… Ronnie isn't that type of girl. I… thought that if Lori and Bobby could go the distance, we could do that too but she proved me wrong.
-Music Start-
[Chorus: PiroBal]
I've been a liar, been a thief
Been a lover, been a cheat
All my sins need holy water, feel it washing over me
Well, little one, I don't want to admit to something
If all it's gonna cause is pain
Truth and my lies right now are falling like the rain
So let the river run
[Verse 1: Lincoln Loud]
She's coming home with her neck scratched, to catch flack
Sweat jackets and dress slacks, mismatched
On my breath's Jack, I'm a sex addict
And she just wants to exact revenge and get back
It's a chess match, she's on my back like a jet-pack
She's kept track of all my Internet chats
And guess who just happens to be moving on to the next
Actually, just shit on my last chick and she has what my ex lacks
'Cause she loves danger, psychopath
And you don't fuck with no girl's man, even she knows that
But she's devised some plan to stab her in the back
Knife in hand, says their relationship's hanging by a strand
So she's been on the web lately
Says maybe she'll be my Gwen Stacy, to spite her man
And I know she's using me to try to play him, I don't care
Hi Sid Chang, but I should have said "Bye Sid Chang"
After the first night, but tonight I am
[Chorus: PiroBal]
I've been a liar, been a thief
Been a lover, been a cheat
All my sins need holy water, feel it washing over me
Well, little one, I don't want to admit to something
If all it's gonna cause is pain
The truth and my lies now are falling like the rain
So let the river run
-Break: Videotape, Rainy day. Date [?],-
Ronnie: Sid? What's wrong? Why are you standing there in the rain?
Sid hugs Ronnie despite being drenched in rain.
Lincoln: Ronnie! Who's at the… Sid? What's wrong?
Sid: Sameer… he, *sob*… He dumped me and kicked me out… I had… I…
Ronnie: Shh, shh, there. You can stay with us. Linc, do we have spare place?
Lincoln: I guess this appartment had a guest room. Let just see if I can arrange it.
Sid: Thanks you… thank you so much… I…
Ronnie: Hey, that's what's friends are for. I still can't believe he'd do that. I thought he knew better.
Lincoln: Well, you can stay here with us afterall. We missed you and we haven't been able to contact each other so…
…Skip: Interview…
Sid: Lincoln is… everything that my ex that wasn't. I got jealous of my best friend but I tried to keep the trust between us friends.
Ronnie: Sid may be like we used to be. Skater, spunky but kind-hearted to those in need. We were adventurous. She was my second best friend after Lincoln. I guess, I never truly admit it but I did had feelings for Lincoln. I'm fixated on staying the same girl I used to be I forgot that we had to mature.
Lincoln: I used to also had a bit of a… "charm" to girls but Ronnie was the only one I got serious with. Sid… there was a spark but I tried to kill it before it could go awry. I tried to console her when she was broken back then.
…Skip: Videotape…
Lincoln [gentle]: Hey, look at me. Your ex is unfortunate to rid you. You're charming in your own way. He couldn't see it. But I do, and Ronnie does too. [forehead kiss] Dry those tears, okay?
-Music Continue-
[Verse 2: Lincoln]
A one-night stand turned a two-night stand
It was "come sunlight, scram," now we hug tight, and...
She found out, now she feels deserted and used
'Cause he left, so what? He did it first to her too
Now how am I supposed to tell this girl that we're through?
It's hard to find the words, I'm aloof, nervous, and Sid
Don't want this to hurt, but what you deserve is the truth
Don't take it personal, I just can't say this in person to you
So I revert to the studio, like hole-in-the-wall diners
Don't have to be reserved in a booth
I just feel like the person who I'm turning into's
Irreversible, I preyed on you like it's church at the pew
And now that I got you I don't want you
Took advantage in my thirst to pursue
Why do I do this dirt that I do?
Get on my soapbox and preach, my sermon and speech
Detergent and bleach is burning the wound
'Cause now with her in the womb
We can't bring her in this world, should have knew
To use protection 'fore I bit into your forbidden fruit
Fuck!
[Chorus: PiroBal]
I've been a liar, been a thief
Been a lover, been a cheat
All my sins need holy water, feel it washing over me
Well, little one, I don't want to admit to something
If all it's gonna cause is pain
The truth and my lies now are falling like the rain
So let the river run
[Bridge: Lincoln & (PiroBal) & Both]
My name's (ooh), my name's (ooh)
River (ooh), river run
Call me (ooh), call me (ooh)
River (ooh), (we'll let the river run)
-Music Break: Interview-
PiroBal [to Lincoln]: How do you describe your relationship with Sid now?
…Skip: Videotape…
Sid [Video Call/Chang Family]: Guys… I'm pregnant! [Lincoln then enters the room]
Lincoln: Sid hey, what's up? You dropped something.
Sid: Hey… Um, I'm pregnant.
Lincoln: Are you fvcking kidding me? [doubting] Are you sure? Did you take the test?
Sid: I did, and all positive.
…Skip: Videotape…
Lincoln [loud voice]: I can't have a kid with you. I've already told… I have a fiancee, Sid! Your Best Friend!
Sid: Maybe this was meant to happen for us. Maybe there's something…
Lincoln: Hold up, wait… us? As in together as together? Because I thought it was part to cheer you up after that pansy left you?
Sid: you're fvcking kidding me?
…Skip: Videotape…
Sid: We are involved in this too. YOU NEED TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN FVCKING ACTIONS!
…Skip: Videotape…
Sid: YOU'RE SO FVCKING SELFISH!
Lincoln: I'M SELFISH. OH POT MEETS KETTLE! DID YOU EVER THINK OF WHAT I'LL FEEL! OF WHAT RONNIE WOULD FEEL!
Ronnie [enters]: What would I feel? What's going on!? Why are you two shouting?
Sid: Ronnie, I'm pregnant.
Ronnie: Oh that's cool. Who's the… oh? Oh, no… [looks at Lincoln] did you two had…? [breaks down in tears] No… no, no, NO, NO! HOW COULD YOU TWO DO THIS TO ME!? BOTH OF YOU! TRAITORS! [looks at Sid] You PUTA, MALTIDA… HOW COULD YOU BETRAY ME LIKE THIS! YOU WERE MY BEST FRIEND.
Lincoln: [fends off Ronnie before she could attack] Ronnie, stop! Don't do something rash. [looks at Sid] And you! You told me you couldn't get pregnant… that it was a "Safe Day"! You remember that! You said that…
Sid [shout]: Well maybe you could get pregnant since you put your fvcking penis in me!
…Skip: Videotape…
Sid [shout]: Well, what's your choice!?
Lincoln: Terminate the child.
Ronnie [angry]: You insensitive prick! Commit murder! Are you fvcking Loco!?
Lincoln [shout]: What choice do you want us to do then!? Your family and my family will find out about this! My sisters will rip me to pieces if they find out!
Ronnie [angry]: I'm keeping the child when it comes. But you, Sid… You're so fvcking out of the house.
Sid [agony]: No, please… Ronnie don't do this. I'm you're best friend.
Ronnie [angry]: I have no bestie. You took that away the moment you took advantage of my fiance. Either you'll leave the child to my care while you go or both you and the baby go! What's the choice, Sid "whore" Chang!?
…Skip: Interview…
Ronnie: When I found out that Lincoln's the father of the child, it broke me apart. And we were just planning on our wedding day… or rather he was. I was too busy managing my restaurant kitchen and my skating company. He was busy doing finances and fine arts along with the wedding planners. I guess the job frustrated him to a point that he relied on a a very bad way of taking relief. What angered me is that he suggested to abort the child but I spared the child… in exchange that I will have full adoption custody to the daughter while Sid disappears with no trace.
Lincoln: I guess this "charm" became a curse and I do regret lying to Ronnie. She maybe the spunk, tomboyish one but I grew tough because of Lynn's training regimen so it's like two forces against one.
-Music Continue-
[Verse 3: Eminem]
Always the bridesmaid, never "The bride, hey!"
Fuck can I say? If life was a highway
And deceit was an enclave, I'd be swerving in five lanes
Speeds at a high rate, like I'm sliding on ice, maybe
That's why I may have came at you sideways
I can't keep my lies straight
But I made you abandon my baby
This love triangle left us in a wreck, tangled
What else can I say? It was fun for a while
Bet I really would have loved your smile
Didn't really wanna abort, but fuck it
What's one more lie, to tell our newborn child?
[Chorus: PiroBal & (Lincoln Loud)]
I've been a liar, been a thief
Been a lover, been a cheat
All my sins need holy water, feel it washing over me
Well, little one (I'm sorry)
I don't want to admit to something (I fucked up)
If all it's gonna cause is pain
The truth and my lies now are falling like the rain
So let the river run
-Music End-
PiroBal: So what did you think this song meant for you, Mr. Loud?
Lincoln: Um, the song means to me is something that I have to take off my chest. Ronnie & I continued the plan but Sid is the only Chang that wasn't invited. She vanished and last I heard she works in a fast-food joint as waitress (McDonald's or Jollibee's Food Incorporated). The Chang family kept tabs on her but… it's kinda like a restraining order. She doesn't get to know her daughter nor had news about me and Ronnie. And we steered clear from ever mentioning her. Um… Ronnie and I had gotten more bundles, some half-brother and half-sister for her. But Ronnie and I made a vow to never let her know about Sid (her real mom). Ronnie still had few phobias and nightmares about me leaving her… The castration part…. well, that never happened but she did kick me and shattered one of my… jewels. My karma, I guess.
Ronnie: The day we took our vows at the altar, the Louds and Mi familia doesn't know that the child we got is from Sid. We told them that the girl is adopted and abandoned by her parents. We keep it that way but I figured they'll find out soon enough since the Chang's took a liking in her. I think if the time is right and she reached 21, we'll let her know but the Chang family got this tradition to never mention Sid to us again. Eventually, they'll forget that and slip up so Lincoln and I are prepared.
Lincoln: I've learned my lesson and had couple's therapy while I got some celibacy lectures from godparents of the Casagrande/Santiago family. I didn't like the hour long boring sermon but I had to keep my mind off the gutter and helped Ronnie be relieved of that fear. That or Ronnie's gonna order a full castration or vasectomize me herself, which is really gonna hurt. She gotten a bit paranoid and always got watched over me in case I might slip up. Can't blame her.
Sid: I'm doing fine but I kept this secret… I had a tube ligation. It was expensive and afterwards I was planning a ovariectomy. I know the expenses to pay but I still don't mind. I'll earn it as a reminder of what I've done. Maybe, this is the guilt still infecting my mind. Maybe I am… a whore. But, I just want my best friend back. Both Ronnie… and him too.
-END-
AN: The next song will also be another Eminem song. Had anyone figured out the answer to my question yet? I hope you liked this M-Rated Musical Parody. It's been a while since I've made one of these.
Special quest: If any of you readers any Eminem songs that I can use next, be free to request them to me.
Once again, Thanks you, leave a like, review/request, follow and I hope you enjoy. God Bless, Stay Safe and Peace/Shalom!