I'm giving up on trying to fit everything in one chapter - just doesn't seem appropriate with the flow of the story, it's just too much to be presented at once.

Here we see just a little bit – and I do mean a little bit – of what is going on in Sasuke's head. It may seem insignificant to someone who has never had repetitive intense nightmares and/or nagging thoughts (associated with OCD, anxiety, PTSD), but it is a lot and it very easily leads to self-sabotaging relationships, clinginess, and overall mental spiraling down, especially in Sasuke's case when he is not getting any appropriate help and meanwhile he feels he is losing the one person he loves and trusts the most which causes him to further spiral down.

I don't think Sasuke genuinely wants to be a father – my opinion. I think him wanting a child with Naruto here is an expression of him trying to right his previous wrongs toward Itachi and his clan. In other words, another one of his obsessions. He is hot and cold and he is spiraling down like he did during his teens because his trauma was never been properly treated – he was resistant to therapy, and it was just not the right way or time for him. And when you feel this way, you're not always ready to talk about it before it is too late.

Then there is Naruto - depression and cyclic disappointment make her quieter, darker. Sad, I know. There is a period of denial, anger, and depression usually before accepting something as major as your marriage falling apart and much more time before acting on what you already know needs to be done. Remember, they are in their 20s too. Like 24-25.

Why hasn't the Kyuubi told Naruto that Sasuke entered her mind yet? Because I imagine that Sasuke did some fancy Sharingan magic on the Kyuubi to not remember just how Naruto is made to not remember the event. And Sasuke is trying to be careful to not let slip what he saw in her mind so she – or Shikamaru – don't figure it out.

Chapter 6: Anathema

Posted on April 24th, 2021

From Chapter 3: "You know you did not marry a good man, Naruto. If you wake up one day and decide you don't love me anymore, if you ever go to another man, I will scrub their germs off your tongue with a kunai and lock you in a cage until you love me again".

Temari had just finished cleaning out Gaara's injuries - she had devoted time to studying medical jutsu during maternity leave. She could barely hold her hands still and keep them from shaking with anger. Curses flow from her lips as she stitches up Gaara's bloody eyebrow.

"Stop working yourself up, Temari," Gaara says softly, staring up at the ceiling as Temari works on his brow.

"How could I not! Are you fucking serious right now!"

Shikamaru is leaning against the frame of the door, his arms crossed and in no better emotional state than Temari, although much better at controlling himself. His eyes are fixated on the floor with a deep scowl.

"How are you so calm?" Temari bites out at her brother now.

Gaara lets out a huff. "All that bastard did was throw a few punches and show Naruto exactly what he is. He proved how unworthy he is better than any of our words of caution ever could."

Shikamaru looks at him.

Then,

"You're in love with her," Shikamaru says from his spot by the door and it's not a question. It's an acknowledgment. Gaara briefly glances at Shikamaru before fixating his gaze back on the ceiling.

"I am."

The calm and confident confirmation makes Temari pause in stitching him up. She looks down at her little brother. He had grown to be a fine man, powerful and handsome, confident, and capable; and yet Temari can't help but feel that big sister pity for her brother's love choice. Temari had suspected Gaara had a reason for turning down every effort she made to set him up with someone and the reason why he had not settled down by now. She secretly hoped it was because he already had his eyes on someone and hoped that someone returned his feelings.

Her heart clenches at the thought that he had fallen for someone so unobtainable – a married woman; married to a broken and possessive man with no prospect of her leaving him because she is just as broken. Even if she did leave him one day and was able to put herself back together, there was the problem of them both being kages, living far from each other, running their respectful villages. Overall, it was literally impossible and the thought that Gaara wouldn't have someone next to him to support him and return his love and give him closeness and a family hurt her heart and-

"I know what you're thinking," Gaara says and Temari snaps out of it, remembering her stitching. "You're thinking how I will die alone because it will never work out and how I am dooming myself." He sighs. "I know all that. And yet, I still have not met anyone else who makes me feel the way she does, even with the small and infrequent interaction we've had since she's been married. I get together with people… when I need to. Or want to. But I can't bring myself to feel for anyone the way I do for her. I know what kind of person she is - I fought a war with her and many battles before and since then - and I admire her, even if it's from afar."

The genuine and simple explanation touches Temari and the back of her eyes prickle. Maybe it's the damn post-partum mood or maybe it's realizing how her little brother has grown or maybe both. And she understands what Gaara means – Naruto is a wonderful person and a strong leader. She is kind and bright, although the Uchiha had significantly dimmed her light. Suddenly, she feels proud of Gaara's choice and him standing by it.

Shikamaru remembers Sasuke saying that those close to Shikamaru want Naruto. He realizes now that he was speaking about Gaara. "Sasuke has mentioned to me about being weary of you before." Shika says, his eyebrows furrowed. "He is jealous of literally anyone around Naruto, but that time when he said it he seemed… scared, like he had told me too much. Like he knew something happened and was scared I'd figure it out."

Gaara looks straight at Shikamaru at that.

"What?" Gaara's eyebrows furrow and Temari scolds him that he'll mess up the stitching. He relaxes his face again. "How would he know that?"

The married couple pauses and stares at Gaara.

"…Did you sleep with her before he did?!" Temari whispers.

Silence.

Then,

"No. As much as Sasuke has trouble believing it, she has always had eyes only for him."

Temari's hands start glowing green.

"Why would he say he is wary specifically of you then?"

Gaara sighs. "During the war, Naruto and I got a chance to catch up and work closely together. We spent a lot of time together. We… did some things but never went all the way. I knew how heartbroken she was over him then and I can see how much worse she is now. I do want her. But I also have dignity and I know when it's not my time. Back then, I knew Sasuke would back down soon and return to Konoha and then whatever I had with Naruto would be all over. But I still couldn't resist and wanted at least a little bit of her while I had the chance." Gaara can't help but smile at that. "Although I don't get how he would know about any of that. Naruto would never tell him and nobody else knew."

Temari laughs like she had just heard the juiciest gossip and bumps her brother on the shoulder, cheering him on.

Shikamaru relaxes a little bit, feeling somewhat relieved that Gaara's feelings weren't based on nothing. At one point, there had been some level of reciprocity. That meant that, at one point, Naruto had noticed someone else other than Sasuke, which was a possibility Shikamaru had not considered possible before, and it gave him hope for his best friend.

Sasuke stares at the floor for a long time before he realizes he is awake. He moves to get up with a groan, neck and shoulder stiff from sleeping in an awkward position. The night before is a blur – the commotion he had caused, Naruto's hurt and broken face, her teleporting them, and the seemingly unsubsiding waves of nausea that followed. Sasuke had thrown up until he was left gagging with nothing more to come out. He had made his way to the couch and just passed out there. He had woken up with half his body hanging off of the couch and a kink in his neck and shoulder, an ache in his jaw from clenching his teeth during nightmares.

Sasuke's head was throbbing with exhaustion and he rubbed at his temples – physical exhaustion from his mission the day before and the travel home, wanting to surprise his wife and spend time with her; emotional and psychological exhaustion from everything that had happened the night before and the progressive spiraling down of their relationship.

Sasuke moves to the bathroom with effort. His mouth burns with overnight bile from vomiting and brushing his teeth doesn't help the taste of guilt wash off. The man looking back at him in the mirror is a sorry sight – messy hair, dark undereye, slumped shoulders and paleness to his skin to the point of being unhealthy.

He takes his dirty clothes off and goes into the shower. Hot water washes over his face and body, supposed to be relaxing but instead Sasuke feels his shoulders tense up and his mind is buzzing.

When Sasuke had neared Konoha last night, he had felt Naruto feeling relaxed through their bond. She was feeling much better than what he had felt from her in a long time. Their bond led him to the Nara compound where music and noises were coming from inside. Naruto felt increasingly happier and more relaxed. Sasuke had stayed outside, not knowing if he would be welcome and not really feeling comfortable socializing with so many people at that time.

And then he caught a glimpse of her – by the window, looking so beautiful - a smile on her open face, her toned body hugged by a blue kimono. It had been a long time since Sasuke had seen her in something else other than her shinobi clothes. Now that Sasuke could think about it, this kimono reminded him of the gentle-colored kimono she had chosen to wear for their legal wedding… which still hasn't happened. They had planned on it - Sasuke wanting to establish to the whole world that Naruto was his. At first, they had waited for Iruka to come back to be there with Naruto and officiate their marriage. Then when they had found that Naruto was pregnant for the first time, they had wanted to proceed with it seriously. The whole ceremony had been planned and everything arranged. But then the miscarriages came one by one and put a dark mark on any potential celebration. It was agreed wordlessly that the wedding would be put off until better days came - that had been two years ago. Their wedding kimonos were dusty in the wardrobe now.

And yet now thinking about it, something dark twists in Sasuke - he really wants to talk to Naruto and get this legal wedding done once and for all. She is his wife. He took her to the sacred shrine of his ancestors and kneeled there, married her with the blessing of the Uchiha generations before him. Only an Uchiha, a blood member of the cursed clan, would understand how deep his love ran, how the need to mark her consumed him, how his need to devour her was etched onto his very soul; how his clan was prone to insanity, how heavy the curse was to bear.

And Sasuke was a man of his blood, a pure Uchiha to the marrow of his bones.

There was no way for them to survive the breaking of their bond - Sasuke knew that with every ounce of self-preservation he held. His and Naruto's bond was literally etched on their souls, a celestial bond between their chakras bound their souls and consciousnesses together and made it impossible for them to ever fully separate from each other or love anyone else fully. The gradual weakening of their relationship over the last years had run them both into the ground and it was painfully known to Sasuke that they would not survive separation. It was the bond that tied them, but they also chose each other over and over again.

But now it was going to be okay. Sasuke had told Kyuubi to keep this pregnancy (refusing to believe that the bullshit that the reason for her miscarriages was the curse). Kyuubi would keep this pregnancy and they would move on past this. Sasuke knew it was a lot of pressure on Naruto, but there was so little left.

He was going to leave Naruto to have fun at the party now and when she came home, he would hold her close and make breakfast in the morning. He knew she had the day off tomorrow – the reason he had rushed home – and he was going to make sure to spend a quality day with his wife and reconnect with her.

Sasuke had just turned to leave when Naruto had come out on the balcony – and Sasuke had seen him with her-looking at her with longing, with patience and something more in his eyes. Naruto had been so enthusiastic while telling him whatever stupid story she had in her repertoire today about ramen, and the Kazekage had stood there listening, not really doing anything out of line other than the desire pouring out of his eyes. Sasuke had activated his Sharingan and was able to read their lips. He saw a drink in Naruto's hand and knew she must be buzzed because otherwise she would have realized Sasuke was close.

Then she had drawn him to her and hugged him – something she did when she was excited, Sasuke knew, had accepted that it was a part of her personality. But then the bastard had the audacity to lean into her, smell her hair, be in her space, look into her eyes so closely and directly and Sasuke saw red, he was shaking with anger. He tried to keep his chakra concealed and control the anger pumping through their bond but his Sharingan was spinning and every fiber of his being was screaming to protect what is his and he just couldn't couldn't couldn't-

-flashes of Naruto's memory dance in front of his eyes, taunting him: her in a tent, him over her, his weight on her, his dirty hands on her body and his filthy tongue in her mouth

and Sasuke feels the exact moment the last thread of his sanity snaps.

The next thing he knows, he is staring at his wife's hurt face in dread. A cold chill runs down his back and the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Sasuke sees her glancing at the Kazekage with worry - why is she so worried about that guy? Does she still care about him? Does she love him?

No, Sasuke tried to compose himself before he snapped again. The nagging thoughts were in his head again, providing the worst possible scenario, convincing him to look for things where there was nothing, convincing him that he wasn't good enough for her and she would realize it soon, the blunt fear that she could live without him when he knew he couldn't possibly last without her. The same nagging thoughts that made him self-sabotage their otherwise strong relationship-the thoughts he constantly led a war with when he was awake and the same thoughts that always found him and ambushed him in his sleep, refusing to let him go until he woke up shaking and screaming and nauseous with dread.

If he could just have her understand, have her see, just take a peek into his heart to see how much he loved her, how deeply devoted he was to her. And then if she could take a peek at his mind and see how he battled with himself every day, with the nagging thoughts jabbing at him for everything wrong he had ever done, for not being good enough for her and sabotaging their relationship, for not realizing Itachi's plan before it was too late, for failing over and over, for being stuck in a village he hated, for being broken, for breaking Naruto too. If she could hear the voices screaming at him in his nightmares – relentless, accusing, merciless, reminding him of all his failures, mocking him for future ones too.

Naruto had always unquestioningly and unconditionally loved Sasuke - she was the one person who always stayed by him, always supporting him and never left even in his darkest and lowest times, never pushed him to explain or share something he wasn't ready for. But her anguished eyes last night had instilled dread at the bottom of Sasuke's stomach - dread that her endless love wouldn't be enough anymore.

A suffocating fear of losing her grips at his chest and throat. He had failed himself, failed his comrades and mentors, failed his family, failed Itachi who had dedicated his life to protect him, failed over and over again, and now he was failing his wife too.

Sasuke is exhausted. He was exhausted from the nagging thoughts, the nightmares, the constant vigilance over his wife which his broken mind forced him into, the constant feeling of becoming smaller and smaller and losing her one day at a time.

Sasuke realizes that he has been scrubbing the same spot intensely and it is now reddened; almost bleeding. He inhales deeply and turns the water to ice cold, stands under the spray to shock the anguished thoughts away at least for a little bit.

Sasuke finds her deep into the Uchiha compound training grounds - on her knees - and the landscape roughed up, a drizzle of rain washing over it and healing the ground. She is breathing hard, blood on her knuckles. Sasuke's own knuckles throb from the night before and he comes down to his knees behind her. She doesn't turn, her head is lowered down. Sasuke encircles her with his arms and draws her close, buries his face in the crook of her neck. He is gripping hard at her, shaking with the dread of losing her. She says nothing but her hands are squeezed into tight fists on her lap. He feels her trying to close off their bond, hide from him, but instead her feelings of anguish and hurt and mortification and disappointment unleash and pour into him.

"Naruto…" Sasuke's throat convulses and finds he doesn't know what to say. "Naruto, I-… I lost control." He takes in a shaky breath and draws her in closer. "I came home early to spend time with you. I went to see that you're okay and then I was going to leave, I swear- " Sasuke does not apologize often and struggles with everything bubbling inside him, the infamous Uchiha pride always filtering what comes out "but then I saw you with him and I-… something snapped inside me, Naruto, and the next thing I knew, people were holding me back and you were looking at me like that and I-" Sasuke's throat closes off and he swallows again. His hand moves to cup her cheek, turns her to face him. Her eyes are distant and rimmed red with proof of her hurt. Sasuke swallows his pride and says what he should have said long ago.

"I don't want to lose you, Naruto. You mean everything to me. Everything. I fight with myself… to be better for you every day. Sometimes I fail."

Naruto looks at him with distant eyes. His face is so close, his nose almost touches hers and she sees the regret in his eyes. All that Naruto wants to say, everything bubbling inside her, she is too tired to let out. He feels so warm behind her in this murky day and there is so much left unsaid and unexplained, but Naruto is tired, so exhausted, and Sasuke is there and so warm and familiar and his half-apology is not enough but Naruto had stopped expecting much and there is no fight left in her and his forehead is on hers and she is tired and he is warm and he is broken but he is hers and he loves her and she draws his mouth down to hers roughly.

Naruto wakes up later that afternoon. They had devoured each other desperately and made love in the training grounds, then they had returned to the house to shower - ending in tan legs hitched up high on Sasuke's shoulders, dark eyes marking her just as hard as his fingers gripping her hips, thrusting violently as she shook with the force of her orgasm.

Sasuke was sleeping on his back, a crease between his eyebrows. He must be having a nightmare again, Naruto thinks and rubs a finger over the crease to smoothen it. Sasuke exhales in his sleep, his face relaxes. Naruto rests her chin on her hand and looks at him, looks at the uncovered toned chest and the hand with a wedding band resting there. The weather is still murky and it's chilly in the house. The crease between Sasuke's eyebrows returns and Naruto lays her head on his chest, wraps them in the blanket tighter, and listens to his steady heartbeat.

She is still so tired.

"This is the report from the three ANBU scouts sent to investigate the possible attack on Konoha we talked about last week." Hyuuga Naoto hands Naruto a scroll. Naruto unrolls it and skims through. "All of the intel confirms what Uchiha-sama said at first. It looks like they will be approaching from the Southeast. They also found that the group consists of shinobi whose villages were destroyed during the war. They seem to hold Konoha accountable-"

"-And Sasuke and me personally the most," Naruto concludes when she finishes the report and puts the scroll on the desk where it rolls back up. She looks through the window. She really should put some curtains on there. "They hold us accountable for how devastating the war was on their territories but seem to forget that Konoha was leveled with the ground as well and if it weren't for Sasuke, they would all be caught in a genjutsu right now."

"The intel says there are at least three hundred shinobi preparing an attack. They seem to still not know that we know. Would you like us to launch an attack on them now that they seem to be closer but still at a place where it wouldn't cause damage to Konoha?"

Naruto grits her teeth. Three hundred trained shinobi is a lot. Konoha held a lot of strong shinobi, but it all depended on how strong the opposing party was. Pein and Akatsuki had been a handful and yet they had leveled Konoha with the ground and almost everyone had been killed. Naruto can't risk anything like that repeating.

"No." She says firmly. "I will reach out to the Kages of the other villages. You said these are shinobi who lost their territories during the war? It is possible that if the other Kages appeal to them and offer them a pardon and accept them back into their villages, most would abandon the cause."

"Are you sure about this, Hokage-sama? Should I ask Nara-san for his opinion as well?"

"No," Naruto feels bolder than usual. She had been borderline passive for too long and while she didn't have the guts to take any major decisions in her relationship, she was the leader of the strongest shinobi village and damn it, she would make her own strong decisions. "I will reach out to the other Kages immediately. Even if that means letting those bastards know that we know. With any luck, us expecting them would scare them off and most would abandon the cause when the Kages offer a pardon, including us if there are any Konohans." She looks at Naoto sharply from beneath her eyebrows, "These are nothing more than rogues. I know how to deal with rogues."

Naoto looks at her for a long moment. He can tell that there is more behind this than she lets on, but he is loyal to his Hokage, just nods before exiting.

Sasuke is in the garden, digging a new hole with a trowel for some fall-time flowers when his own mind attacks him again during his quiet hobby. He grips the handle harder, tries to calm down. But then he sees her with him, she never told me she had anything with him, he thinks obsessively, and he finds himself stabbing the soil with the trowel like it is a kunai in a man's chest. He throws the trowel to the side, fingers and knuckles white from gripping it, and stands up to go inside.

He sees a folder on the counter and the upstairs shower is on. He finds Naruto in the steamy bathroom, drying her soaking body with a fluffy towel. She looks up at him and offers a small smile.

"I didn't know you were home."

"I saw you playing with your flowers and didn't want to bother you."

Sasuke huffs and takes the towel from her hands, finishing off drying her and wrapping it around her shoulders. He uses the towel to draw her closer and kisses her.

"I'm exhausted," she murmurs and yawns.

"You're overworking yourself. You should really form a new council to take some weight off of you. You disbanded the previous council with reason, but it's just too much for you and Nara alone. You keep telling me how the village has capable people – choose some of them and make a new council."

Naruto is thoughtful for a bit. "You're right. I've thought about it before but never got around to doing it. The village deserves a council and there are several worthy people I would like to work with. Thank you, Teme." She reaches up and squeezes his forearms in gratitude; moves to slide her hands down his sides.

"I would have made us dinner. What do you want – besides ramen?"

"Teme" Naruto snorts as Sasuke motions for her to turn around and rubs at her hair with the towel. "Actually, I really haven't had ramen in a while. I walked by Ichiraku's today and realized I haven't been there in months."

Sasuke gets another towel and dries off the long strands of golden hair. He is in a surprisingly good mood now.

"I suppose we can go tonight if you want."

In a second, Naruto is squealing and hanging on his neck in excitement.

The lights are soft in the streets when they walk to Ichiraku's – the streets are still full of people and Sasuke knows they are staring at him, the rumor of his recent outburst has spread for sure. Naruto laces their fingers together and tugs at his arm until he is focused only on her - Sasuke feels himself relax.

He has to admit, Ichiraku's is actually not a bad place. The owner and his daughter happily greet Naruto and Sasuke and give them a table where they could have privacy. Sasuke feels quite comfortable – not too close to people and Naruto is just beautiful, beaming with joy like he hadn't seen her in a long time.

"Should I expect triplets with how much you're eating right now?" Sasuke raises a brow and points to the stacked up empty bows with his chopsticks, still working on his first bowl. Naruto finishes slurping up a bowl, protests and calls him a bastard. A small smile graces Sasuke's face and he rests his cheek on his hand, looking at her.

Naruto feels her chest warm up – Sasuke is there with her, present, looking more relaxed than she'd seen him in a long time. His dark eyes are on her and for the first time in a while, they only carry warmth and appreciation – no heavy expectation, no disappointment, no insanity. They had had a great evening tonight - and of course, Naruto couldn't leave it at just that. She reaches for his hand over the table and he offers it readily.

"What time are you leaving tomorrow?"

"Early. I want to reach their location before twilight and see if I can gather more information. The intel we got last time says that most of their weapons and provisions are there – maybe I can do something."

Naruto's hand grips his tighter.

"Please be careful, Sasuke. If anything happens to you-"

"Nothing will happen to me. I need to do this. I need to protect you – and our child. Don't you keep calling me the shadow Hokage after all?"

Naruto knows he is trying to lighten the mood but finds herself suddenly feeling grim.

"Sasuke. This is a huge invasion they're planning. You're strong – the strongest I know – but I really need you to be safe." Her eyes are pleading, and he reaches over to caress her cheek.

"If I have to, I will fight so you don't fight. You can't fight now as it is. I need to do this for the both of us."

Naruto bites her lip. There is uneasiness in her chest and she wants to take a shot at talking to him while he is in a good mood.

"Sasuke. You know I've never forced you to talk about anything you weren't willing to share. But we've been going through a rough patch lately – and I think we should talk about it. If not with me, maybe you can go back to therapy-"

"Therapy?" Suddenly, Sasuke's eyes are cold again and he withdraws from her. "What are you saying, Naruto?"

"Nothing. Nothing bad, Sasuke. I just think it would be good for you – for us – if you tried going back to therapy, or maybe both of us can go-"

Sasuke's face immediately closes off.

"I'm not fucking going back there. There is nothing to talk about." Sasuke is leaning back in his chair now, back straight and shoulders tense. He is shutting down again and Naruto is desperate to reach him.

"Okay, forget I said it then. Let's talk about it among ourselves then," she fidgets in her seat. "I've had five miscarriages and our marriage has been falling apart for years and you attack my friends and you keep waking up screaming from nightmares again like you used to years ago and this whole time I've been waiting for you to feel comfortable opening up to me about it-"

"We're done here." Sasuke completely shuts down now. Pushes back his chair and its legs scraping loudly against the floor. In a blink, he is up and Naruto watches his back as he walks out.

She lets out a strained breath and blinks only to find tears there. Wraps her arms around her shoulders and looks down at the table, blinking tears away. She knows the owner and several more people are looking at her. Her chest hurts – she had thought that since Sasuke was in such a good mood, he would consider talking to her, then she had panicked and blabbered everything out and pushed Sasuke away. She had gotten desperate to reach him.

She walks the streets slowly – most people have gone home now and there is nothing to distract her from her anguish.

She wants to apologize to Sasuke for pushing him when she gets home. Wants to hold him and tell him she loves him before he leaves tomorrow on a mission she is worried he may not come back from.

Instead, she finds their home empty and a note saying "I'm leaving earlier. Get rest and take care of yourself. I'll see you in two days. – Sasuke"

Naruto clutches the note, disappointment and fear in her chest.

Sleep is uneasy for her.

.

.

.

So instead she gets up and roams the streets some more before finding herself in front of Iruka's door. It's the early hours of the morning and she never wanted to trouble him, wanted to always make him proud and happy but it's just too much-

Iruka opens the door, hair down and messy, in pajamas and a pillow print on his face but his eyes are immediately sharp when he sees Naruto and his eyebrows knit together in worry.

"Iruka-sensei," Naruto greets with a forced cheer - and she thought she could hold out and not worry him, thought she could stop by and see him for a just bit – at 3am – but the moment Iruka-sensei's warm hazel eyes fall on her forced smile, Naruto looks down and bites her lip, trying to hold in her emotions. Then he speaks and reaches out to her in worry and she falls apart – falls into his embrace and allows herself to break down piece by piece. She opens her eyes to wipes away tears and realizes she is now on the couch – when did they get there? – and Iruka is holding and caressing her head and discreetly wiping away his own tears.

She cries herself to sleep in the arms of the man she considers her father in all but blood - and sleep is not that uneasy anymore.

The next day, Naruto is in her office with Shikamaru when it happens. The city alarm sounds signaling an attack.

"The northern gates have been breached, Hokage-sama." Naoto, the head of ANBU appears at the window to report to his leader. "We counted a hundred, there could be more. They don't seem to belong to any village, I think it's the invasion we had intel on. We are holding for now, but they are advancing. What are your orders?"

"Damn it" Naruto curses out. The intel they had received a couple of days ago suggested that the invaders were far and would be approaching from the opposite direction all together. Could this be an attack from all sides? She had sent her best ANBU on a mission a few days ago and Sasuke had left that morning to scout out for more intel – in the completely opposite direction.

"Mobilize everyone you can find, Naoto-san." She reaches for her weapons and scrolls under her desk. "I'm also coming with you," heads for the window.

Shikamaru grabs her arm, "You can't Naruto." He lets go of her arm and looks down at her belly bump, bigger than it has ever been now that she had reached three months. "I'll go instead of you."

"No, you won't. We were given the wrong intel - this is clearly an inside job. You'll go and check on Temari and your kids and start evacuating everyone safely toward the southern side. After that, I need you to act fast on who the traitors are before they escape. I'm going with Naoto-san." At another tug of her arm, she levels Shikamaru with a fierce and determined gaze.

"I won't abandon my village and my word." And with that, she is at the window and signals for Naoto to lead.

The fight is long and heavy with many injured and several casualties. Naruto hadn't been able to talk her way into peace this time and she found herself strangely okay with that – she found herself more merciless and fiercer than usual.

Naruto sits breathing hard, dirty and disheveled from the fight, a medic nin healing her arm and Shikamaru on her right informing her that the three ANBU shinobi who brought the intel were the traitors and that they have been detained.

"They knew Sasuke would follow the intel they brought in and waited for him to leave the village and be far enough before they attacked." Shikamaru says in her ear quietly and Naruto frowns. Sasuke was incredibly good at collecting intelligence and for him to overlook a potentially misleading intel was extremely unlikely. Unless something huge distracted him. Naruto bites her lip and can't help but feel responsible – she knows that her bringing all that crap up the night before he left had thrown Sasuke into an emotional rollercoaster and potentially put him and the village in danger.

Naruto gives instructions and delegates tasks for the restoration of the village. Naoto and Shikamaru stand next to her and absorb the instructions, following their chain of command and later delegating tasks to the appropriate people.

With dread, Naruto has the medic check on the pregnancy - and a weight lifts off of her shoulders when the medic says that everything is okay. At that moment, she acutely feels Sasuke near - he is making his way through, the Sharingan coloring his eyes.

He kneels down in front of her, his eyes trace her body. Naruto can feel their bond pumping with emotion – worry for her, anger at her fighting, guilt and regret for not being there. Naruto assures him that she is okay, everything is okay, and Sasuke tells her how he turned back halfway when he realized it was a trap. He had headed back straight to Konoha and had dealt serious damage on the second army which was nearing Konoha from the South. Naruto notices now that his leg is bleeding and his chakra is exhausted and she draws him in and holds him and whispers "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry".

"You did not take the pardon when it was offered to you – your leader is now dead, and your cause has fallen through." Naruto speaks to the restrained ANBU who facilitated the invasion.

"Our cause will never fall."

Naruto slants a gaze at the shinobi, likely the leader of the three. She finds herself unwilling to forgive anymore.

"You are traitors to Konoha and as such, you will be tried for treason and punished properly." She cuts off and walks away.

"We know how you punish traitors, Hokage." The man chuckles from his sorry state, kneeling on the ground and shackled. "You fuck them and carry their children."

.

.

Then,

Naruto kicks the man right in the jaw, red madness shining in her eyes. She never attacks a restrained opponent- but trash like them don't deserve a fair fight.

Then she is out the door and nods to Naoto – he knows what to do.

A week passes and the village is restored almost fully. Luckily, the physical damage had been contained to the north part and everyone had worked hard and chipped in with efforts, especially the civilians who were thankful for the army of shinobi protecting them.

It's now time for the autumn festival and the plaza is decorated, beautiful lights and decorations mixing in a beautiful array of colors. People are dressed in celebration clothes and food and drink stands are offering refreshments to everyone. It's a beautiful time of the year and Naruto is there with her people, wearing a long orange kimono and greeting everyone.

Sasuke had left on a brief mission to make sure that there were no loose ends after the invasion – Naruto would trust only him or Naoto with that task.

She is smiling in the lights of the festival - her people are gathering in groups to greet her and wish her well. In the absence of Sasuke, who has the ability to repel everyone unwanted (because most people were unwanted to him), Naruto walks with Naoto and Shikamaru.

"You should go back to your family, Shika," Naruto tells him with a soft smile. "It's your day off. Do I need to force you to enjoy it?"

Shikamaru smiles - nods and walks away in the crowd.

It really is a beautiful evening.

.

.

.

Naoto is standing next to her in his ANBU uniform.

"Naoto-san," Naruto addresses - and Naoto's sharp eyes suddenly register her clenched jaw and the way her nails are digging into her palms behind her back. Her smile stays on in what Naoto recognizes now to be a forced manner and he becomes aware that Shikamaru was sent off for a reason. His body language sharpens and his shinobi senses have him on edge of what follows.

"I need you to take me to the Kage building. Now," she looks at him and he notices her flaring nostrils – a line of unshed tears at her waterline. He helps her leave the festival smoothly and unnoticed; as they enter the Hokage building, Naruto is breathing deep with the beginning stages of sobbing, clutches at her abdomen. Naoto throws her arm around his shoulders and supports her waist as he helps her to the kage bedroom, acutely aware of his Kage's distress.

"I'll call for a medic".

"No", she grabs his arm. "It's too late now. Just stay with me, please, and don't call anyone. It's an order."

And Naoto obeys the Hokage as she sobs herself to sleep; sits on the floor with his back propped against the bed as he dozes off too.

Naruto has an uneasy sleep, keeps tossing and waking up. Has a sense of impending doom; hears people talking around her and tries to sleep through it. Someone shakes her shoulders - she opens her eyes, sees Hinata's gentle and worried eyes.

"N-Naruto-san", she starts. "How are you?" Her gentle voice almost makes Naruto smile-before she remembers the night before. She sits up, more tired now than before she went to sleep. "Naoto-san called for me… he apologizes for overstepping your order, but he had something to take care of and wanted me to… h-help you… get cleaned up."

Naruto looks down with tired eyes. She knows she has dried - and probably fresh - blood between her legs and on the bed. She nods weakly, and gets up, her head down. There are heavy blood stains on the white sheets and Hinata's eyes water when she sees but then she straightens her back and reminds herself to be strong - Naruto needs her, her Hokage needs her.

In the bathroom, Naruto weakly unwraps and takes off the pretty kimono, now marred with blood, and Hinata helps her step out of it. The shower is already running and Naruto steps in. The water going down the drain turns from dark red to pink as it washes away the blood. Then she steps into the bath Hinata has already prepared and dozes off several times as Hinata washes her golden hair and massages her scalp.

"Mmm… feels good, Hinata-chan." She says in a weak voice and offers Hinata a small smile.

"T-Thank you. Naruto-san. I try."

"You know, it's about time you start calling me Naruto." Naruto smiles softly and Hinata giggles. "You and your cousin Naoto-san are always so good to me." She reaches back and holds her hand, holds Hinata's pale eyes with her tired blue ones. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Naruto-sa- Naruto. My cousin will always be grateful to you for what you did for the branch clans and removing the caged bird seal. You gave him, and many more of my cousins, their ability to choose back. And for that, him – and I – are forever grateful."

The right corner of Naruto's lip curls up,

"I was only able to do it because the Hyuuga have an awesome leader," Naruto squeezes her hand. "You have done so much, Hinata. You have grown and developed so much. I am so proud of you and am always here for you in need."

Hinata flushes at the praise and smiles down at her softly.

"Somehow, I came here to comfort you, and it went the other way around. You have that effect on people, Naruto-san." They both giggle and they tell stories from their genin days. Hinata helps Naruto dry her body and sits her in front of the mirror to dry her hair. Then she goes to brush Naruto's hair but the blonde takes the comb and thanks her:

"I'll handle it from here, Hinata-chan. Thank you for checking on me." Hinata offers a small nod; rests her hands on Naruto's shoulders and their eyes meet in the mirror,

"Will you be okay, Naruto?" Hinata's melodic voice soothes Naruto.

"Yes, I will be."

"When does Sasuke-kun come back?"

Naruto's face falls again. "Later today. He is close, I can feel him." She bites her lip. "I think he already knows". He knows for sure - their bond has betrayed her distress.

"Will he be okay?"

"Yes, don't worry about him. He is just a bastard."

Hinata giggles at the old nickname Naruto still uses for the man most of the village found extremely intimidating.

"He'll be fine. It's not the first time."

"I hope it's the last time, Naruto". And unknowingly to her, those words jab at the Hokage in a whole different way.

Naruto takes a deep breath and steadies her heart, looking at herself in the mirror. Quietly, she whispers,

"I… I think it may be the last time indeed."

Hinata leaves without catching the deeper meaning of her friend's words.

Thank you to everyone who has left kudos and reviews – it means so much to me and keeps me writing :) I've had a rough time the last half a year and I'm happy that I can find it within me to write.

I would like to recognize the several works which inspired this story. If you like this work, then you will enjoy the inspirations for it.

First of all, the incredible Stormwinds by babeski. With only two chapters, this work left such a deep impression in me back in 2018 that it changed the whole way I view Sasuke and his relationship with Naruto and ultimately inspired me to write SasuFemNaru. This work revealed Sasuke to me as obsessive, possessive, and desiring Naruto with his full being to the point of madness. Mixed with a lot of smut. This work allowed me to understand Sasuke and Naruto's relationship to the level where I could unpack it more and build my own work upon it. It would be an understatement to say that this work influenced me.

Second, Uzumaki Affliction by Adevlo D. Just read it – it's from Sarada's perspective and it's a yaoi one-shot – and you will see how it has influenced my work.

Third, the very dark and intense In a Darker Universe by Daydreamer. A beautiful and dark version of Sasuke and Naruto's relationship and their path to world domination.