AN: Trigger warnings to things are present. Don't like don't read.
I don't own Rizzoli & Isles. I just borrow them and some dialogue at times.
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Jane stared across the room as Maura stood in the doorway, her eyes taking in the woman's appearance. Her heart clenched in pain at the sight of the deep-set scar on Maura's face that started above the blonde's right eye, sliced through her eyebrow curving around the outside corner of her right eye and ending at the corner of her mouth. Crows' feet had deepened with age and she could see that the time the woman had been missing had taken its toll on the Medical Examiner. She hated that she had been powerless to stop the pain that had obviously been inflicted on the woman, but the blonde was still as gorgeous as ever.
Dark circles under Maura's eyes popped against her pale skin, signs that the woman wasn't sleeping enough. Her blonde hair was still perfect as ever as it framed her face like a portrait and hung over her shoulders. It was longer than Jane had ever seen it and she couldn't help but want to run her fingers through it, needing to know if it still felt as silky smooth. She could see the tip of a scar on Maura's chest where the v neck of her shirt exposed some pale skin.
She couldn't take her eyes off Maura. She was too afraid to. She was afraid that if she did that the woman would disappear on her all over again, and she wasn't sure she would survive a second time.
She had barely survived the first time.
She hated that Maura's eyes were guarded, blocking her from seeing the emotion. She wanted to go to her, to talk to her and demand to know what the hell had happened so long ago.
She felt the boy in her arms push on her shoulder and she finally pulled her eyes away from Maura and looked at the child in her arms, their child as he spoke, "Mama, I've been waiting my whole life to see you."
She chuckled as his wide smile brightened up the room, "I've been waiting for you too."
She could see Maura in his sparkling hazel eyes as he stared at her, but his hair was definitely hers as was his face. He was more beautiful than she could have ever imagined, and she couldn't help but hug him again. This was a moment that she never thought she would ever get. A moment that she had dreamt of thousands of times, only to wake before they could embrace, sorrow trying to consume her entire being.
The boy squirmed in her arms and she sat him back on his feet, kneeling on the floor as he held a photo up to her, "Mommy gave me this."
She took the photo with shaking hands as her heart clenched again at the sight of the photo. The same photo she had on her desk. The same photo she hadn't been able to put away. She ran her finger across Maura's face on the photo before looking back up at the woman across the room.
Maura still hadn't moved from the door, but Angela was speaking to her quietly. She couldn't decipher the look on the woman's face.
The boy quickly took the photo and pulled her attention back to him. He leaned into her, whispering in her ear, "Mommy is scared." He leaned back with a frown on his face.
She felt her chest tighten as she glanced back up at Maura, "Why is mommy scared?"
She couldn't stop the sudden urge to protect them both. The need to hold them close was growing inside her and she wasn't sure if she should act on it. She had never been one to shy away from Maura, after she finally admitted her feelings out loud, to ignore the need to touch the blonde. If she had felt the need to touch her, she would have, she would do anything for Maura and now she was at a loss.
Did Maura even feel that way about her anymore?
The boys voice was low when he answered as he turned to look back at Maura, "You."
Her heart exploded in her chest, the pain turning into something much worse. She knew Maura would change over the years if she had been alive but the idea that Maura could fear her or be scared of her reaction to her sudden reappearance was something she couldn't live with.
She tapped the boy on the arm, "What about me is mommy scared of?"
He turned to smile widely at her, "She's always tole me how much she loves you, but that it was her fault. All of it was her fault. I don't understand that part yet, but she promises when I'm older she'll tell me again."
Her anger flared at the idea that any of this was Maura's fault and she wanted to get her hands on the person that had obviously convinced her blonde Medical Examiner of it. She had never blamed Maura, would never blame her. She needed Maura to know that but every time she looked over at the woman, she could see the fear radiating off her.
She held her hand out to the boy, "What's your name sweetie?"
He instantly took her hand and grinned, "Luca."
She smiles at him as she stands and leads him towards Maura. Her heart beats faster as she gets closer to the woman, but she can't shake the uneasiness that comes over her as Maura shifts slightly away from her. She wants to grab the woman, to kiss her, to hold her, to never let her go. She wants to comfort the woman that still holds her heart now more than she ever did before.
She stops in front of Angela, a few feet from Maura. Her breathe hitches as Luca's hand slips from hers as he goes to Maura and she knows that its because she doesn't want to lose them again.
Angela smiled down at Luca, "Have you had dinner yet young man?"
Luca shook his head quickly as he gripped onto Maura's leg, hiding his face. Maura ran her hand over his head tenderly, "We should get going. I want to get a room before it gets too late."
She felt her heart lodge in her throat and quickly stepped forward, "You have a home here Maura."
Maura's hazel eyes met hers and for a moment she could see the worry and fear in them, "I didn't want to impose."
She frowned, "Maura," she hesitated, not wanting to talk about this in front of her mother at the moment. This was a conversation that they needed to have in private. She shook her head, "Please come home."
She felt the tears burning her eyes as the words slipped easily from her lips. She never thought she would have to ask this woman to come home with her. It was something they had always done naturally. Now, however, things were different. They were different. They would have to relearn each other, and it was driving her crazy that Maura would even think that she wouldn't want her and their son at home.
Maura frowned at her for a moment as if she were trying to understand some scientific equation before finally nodding, "If that's what you want."
She took another tentative step closer, "Of course that's what I want. It's what I've always wanted."
Maura nodded as she picked Luca up and he settled on her hip.
She frowned as Maura moved away from her and closer to Angela. She could tell Maura was slightly uncomfortable, but it was going to kill her until she knew why the woman felt that way. What had happened all those years ago to make Maura untrusting of her own family?
She led them out to her unmarked and frowned as Maura slipped into the backseat with Luca, leaving Angela to sit up front with her. She was nervous for multiple reasons but the most important was the fact that Maura was home, but she needed answers. She just didn't know how to ask without hurting Maura or herself even more than they already were.
She drove carefully since Luca didn't have a car seat, but she kept glancing up at Maura in the rearview mirror. She could feel the love she had for Maura swirling in her body, mixing with the happiness that the woman was really alive. That Maura was right there, in her car, so close to her.
And yet she was so far away from her still.
Distance had been something that she had never been good at. She hated when she would have to work late knowing that Maura was at home waiting for her. Maura would never sleep with out her. No matter what time it was by the time she would get home Maura would be there waiting, reading a book on the sofa or making her a late dinner. The memories floated across her mind so freely, so easily as if the last five years hadn't happened at all.
Angela patted her arm as she parked in the driveway to her two-story house. The same house that she and Maura had fallen in love with and wanted to buy for their wedding. She shook her head at her mother and stepped out of the car, opening the back door purely out of habit.
Luca jumped out of the car and turned to grin back at Maura, "Mommy it's bigger than what we lived in."
Maura stepped out of the door she was still holding as she spoke, "Thank you for letting us stay here."
She shook her head, "Maura this is as much your home as mine if you want it to be."
Angela stood on the porch and called out, "Luca come help Nonna with dinner. The boys will be here soon."
Maura frowned at her, "Boys?"
She nodded, her heart beating harder in her chest, "Frankie and Tommy and Frost. I can call them and tell them not to come if you're not ready for that mess."
Maura chuckled, "Ripping the band aid off as you call it, right?"
She felt nerves flutter in her stomach as Maura's soft laugh warmed her body, "Right, but it's really not a problem. Korsak will insist though."
Maura shook her head as she pushed the car door shut, "No its fine. Luca knows about everyone. I just wasn't expecting this to happen so fast and in this way. Jane, I didn't know that Angela worked there." A frown appeared on Maura's face.
She turned to face Maura, holding eye contact and hoping to see the truth in them, "Why didn't you call me the moment you got back to town?"
Maura's hazel eyes shimmered with tears as she took a small step forward leaving only a small space between them.
She wanted to reach out, to pull Maura against her body but she wasn't sure if that's what Maura wanted. She didn't want to move too fast, wanting to go at Maura's pace. She didn't want to push anything either, but she was desperate for answers. She had so many questions that only Maura could answer, and it was beginning to feel like she would never be able to ask them.
Maura's voice was soft, so quiet that Jane almost missed the words, "I didn't know if you wanted to know or if you had moved on."
She shook her head and closed what little distance remained between them, dipping her head to catch Maura's eyes, "I never moved on and I never stopped needing to know. Maura I-"
A loud horn blasted on her street and her head snapped up to find Tommy's truck skidding to a stop at the curb in front of the house. The youngest Rizzoli slammed his door and sprinted through the grass right for Maura. She cursed her younger brother under her breathe as she stepped back and watched as Tommy scooped Maura up into his bone crushing hug. Maura's feet dangled above the pavement as Tommy spun her in a circle and, after a few minutes and whispered words between the two she'd had enough.
"Tommy put her down," she practically growled at the man.
Tommy grinned at Maura as he put the blonde down, "Maura it is damn good to see you."
Maura smiled warmly at him and Jane felt her heart skip a beat. She knew that smile was the same one that Maura used to use when she was happy to see someone but annoyed that they had been interrupted. She turned back to the house and found Luca standing near one of the brick pillars on the porch, watching the scene in front of him unfold.
She smiled at him and Luca grinned happily at her as he carefully climbed down the stairs and made his way towards her. She knelt in front of him, and he wrapped his arms around her neck, asking quietly, "Who's that with Mommy?"
"That's your uncle Tommy. Did she ever tell you about him?" She pulled her son into her arms and stood, shifting him to her right hip, opposite her gun.
Luca nodded, "Yes but she didn't have a picture of him. Just you and Mommy."
She smiled at him, seeing the same look of curiosity that Maura would get at times. Luca was definitely their child, a perfect mix of the both of them and she was loving it. Almost in awe of how smart her three-year-old was. The love she felt for the boy had been instantaneous, a mother's love.
"Would you like to meet him?" She asked softly as she held him just a little tighter.
He glanced at her before looking back at the Maura and Tommy, nodding his head slightly, "Yes Mama."
She smiled at the word, unable to stop herself every time he said it. She moved towards Maura, "Hey Tommy. I have someone I'd like you to meet."
Tommy's eyes widened as he looked at Luca then to Maura and back again, "Is this your son Maura?"
She grinned as Maura smiled at her, "Actually Tommy this is mine and Maura's son, Luca."
Tommy's jaw dropped, "You didn't say anything."
Maura frowned at her for a moment before she walked back to the car, hurt evident on her face as her shoulders tensed. She silently cursed Tommy again but shook it off, "I'll explain later but know that it wasn't any of your business at the time."
Tommy nodded, understanding quickly and for that she was thankful. Tommy smiled at the dark-haired boy that clung to her neck, "Hi Luca, I'm your uncle Tommy. The best uncle but that's between you and me okay."
Luca's soft laugh vibrated her neck where he buried his face shyly and she smiled at Tommy. She knelt in the grass and sat Luca on his feet, "Do mind taking Uncle Tommy inside to Nonna?"
Luca smiled widely at her, his little dimples popping deeply, "Okay Mama." He turned to Tommy, "Come on Uncle T." He held his hand out and waited for the smiling Tommy to take it before pulling him towards the house.
She stood and hurried to Maura as the woman leaned against the cruiser, "Let me explain."
Maura crossed her arms over her chest, "You didn't tell your family about it, why?"
She stood in front of Maura and held her eyes, "I wanted to tell them together and then you…"
She couldn't say it. The words got stuck in her throat as her chest tightened painfully and tears burned her eyes. That night flashed through her mind, her blood running cold, the pain that gripped her chest at the news that Maura's blood had been found at a crime scene where the FBI had suddenly cleared out of.
There had been so much blood when she had arrived. A pool of it next to a dumpster, all of it confirmed as Maura's. She couldn't stop the pain from that day returning to her front and center. She had lost the love of her life and there was so much blood that she knew Maura herself would have told her that it would be surprising if the victim had lived.
She shook her head and clenched her teeth before the anger exploded from her, "It was my happiness. It was my child. It was you. You were all that mattered to me at that point, and I didn't think to tell them that not only had they lost you, the daughter, the sister that they had come to love you as. But also, that they also lost a grandson and nephew that wasn't even born yet."
She glared at Maura as the anger surged through her body, "I didn't know what happened. You were just gone and there was so much blood and your voice…" She shook her head, clenching her hands into fists at her sides, "Your voice Maura, your voice was in my head. Telling me that there was no way the victim all that blood came from could still be alive and I hated it. I hated you for having your voice in my head telling me that when all I wanted was you."
Maura's eyes were tear filled and wide as Jane's anger rolled off her body in waves. She knew Maura didn't deserve this. Didn't deserve the anger that she was feeling towards the world, for taking this woman from her. For taking her child from her before she even had a chance to meet him.
The shock on Maura's face quickly turned to hurt and she felt the sudden weight of guilt pressing in on her from all sides, "Maura I'm sorry. I don't… I didn't…" She took a deep breath to calm herself.
Maura turned towards the house, "I'll look for a hotel after dinner."
For the second time that evening her heart exploded in her chest as she watched Maura walk up the steps and into the house. She wanted to scream. She wanted to scream into the sky, to ask why this was happening. To ask where that anger had come from. Maura didn't need that on her right now. She just got the woman back and now she was in danger of losing her again because of her own emotions.
The problem was that Maura had always been the one she would turn too to vent her frustrations. To let her anger out. Maura was the one that helped her work through her emotions and for the last five years she hadn't had that. She'd had to bottle everything up and now she was exploding on the one person that didn't need it the most.
Her heart constricted as she dragged her feet towards the house. She paused on the porch and took another deep breath as her heart ached for its other half. She would be damned if she let Maura walk out of this house again. She refused to let that happen. Even if they had a knock down drag out fight right there in front of everyone.
She was not letting Maura leave her sight again.
She rolled her shoulders and stood tall, straightening her aching back before gripping the doorknob. She was going to follow through with this. She was going to fight for Maura and Luca. She was going to fight for her family to be whole again, no matter what it took.
And step one was going to be getting through a Rizzoli family dinner.