Addison and Carolyn stood up immediately and went over to Mark.

"What's happened Mark?"

"It's Amelia..." He gasped.

"Mark?"

"There's been an accident..." He gasped.

"What?" Derek shouted.

Derek had been disconnected from his IVs so he could stand up.

"In the ER..." He started.

Before he could finish Derek had already run out of the room towards the stairwell. Meredith chased after him but by that time he was already half way down the stairs. He burst into the ER straight to trauma one where Liz, Kathleen and Nancy were stood sobbing. They looked shocked when they saw Derek.

There she was, her lifeless body on the gurney with most of the surgical team stood around her.

"No!" He cried.

"Time of death 6:43PM." Richard called.

Derek ran over to her and started to do chest compressions on his favourite sister but he knew deep down she was gone.

"Derek." Meredith said walking into the room.

"No!" He sobbed, tears falling onto her lifeless body.

His mom walked into the room crying and stood with her other daughters. He couldn't stop, he was supposed to protect her, that wasn't protecting her.

"Derek, she's gone." Meredith said trying to pull him back.

Owen, Cristina, Teddy, Karev, Richard, Bailey, April and Jackson were stood watching their colleague breaking down in front of them, a sight they never wanted to see.

"Derek dear, come on." His mom said through her sobs.

She knew this was going to be harder on him than it was going to be on her of that was even possible. She knew how even when they hated each other they loved each bit of the other. After he protected her when his father was killed he vowed to never let anything harm her. He rang her as much as he could and tried to visit her.

A wave of dizziness suddenly hit him like a freight train and he stopped for a second holding onto the table. A few seconds later he continued, he couldn't believe this had happened, he couldn't admit it because then it was true. He continued doing it for 10 more minutes, Dr Swender and Mark were in the room by then. They'd all tried to stop him but he couldn't. He could barely breathe from the CPR and sobbing. His sisters had gone for some fresh air but everyone else hadn't moved. Then out of nowhere he fainted straight to the floor.

"Get a gurney!" Bailey shouted.

"Get him straight back upstairs." Dr Swender said sadly.

Carolyn's heart broke, she couldn't bare to see any of this anymore. She calmly walked into an empty exam room and sat on the bed, Mark followed her. All he did was hug her as they both sobbed. A few minutes later they pulled away from each other and looked at each other now they had no tears left to cry.

"Mark, do you know what happened?"

"She was at the store…it was robbed and she was...shot." He breathed. He took a deep breath and continued,

"She...she was shot through the head and in the stomach."

"Oh my god, my baby." She cried placing her hand over her mouth and darting towards the nearby trash can.

She threw up and Mark went over to rub her back gently. When she finished she leant back into him. Mark took her back to the bed where she fell asleep on her other son.

Derek didn't wake up even when they got to his room. He was transferred onto the bed and hooked back up to the IVs and oxygen. Meredith and Addison were both with him, Addison was still crying, Meredith wasn't but she was visibly saddened.

"Meredith, Addison if you don't mind me asking how close was Derek and Amelia?"

"As close as you could get, he had sworn to protect her at all costs, this will probably be worse for him that their mother." Addison said.

"I'm so sorry for your loss."

"Thank you."

Derek started to wake up again, still crying. He looked defeated, it couldn't have come at a worse time for him, he was already falling apart, he had chemo in the morning and he had leukaemia.

"Derek, what do you need?"

"Amelia..." He gasped.

Meredith and Addison both just looked at each other before in unison walked towards him. Meredith moved the side of the bed down so she hug him. She placed the oxygen mask over his face to help steady his shallow breathing. She wrapped her arms around his shaking body and squeezed him tightly. After a few minutes his breathing began to return back to normal but he was still crying. His blue eyes were twinkling with the sea of tears ready to be released. Meredith stroked his hair and reassured him but she knew whatever she said wouldn't help.

"Derek, I'm so sorry for your loss." Dr Swender said looking down at her clipboard,

"Im sorry but we still have to start your chemo."

"Does he still have to start tomorrow?" Meredith said seeing the pain in her husband's eyes.

"Unfortunately not, we have already delayed the start of the treatment."

"Okay."

"He still has to eat, I'm sorry I wish I could change the timings."

"Okay." She said looking at her broken partner.

"Let me go get it." She said leaving the room momentarily.

"Derek, you need to eat this." Meredith said.

"No." He whispered.

"Just a little bit."

Dr Swender walked back in with a tray consisting of a cheese sandwich, packet of salted lays and a few biscuits.

"Here you go." She said placing it on the pull out table.

She smiled apprehensively before exiting the room. Meredith pulled the table up to Derek and opened the chips packet for him.

"You have to eat all of this Der, I know you are not in the best place and I want to help you but you have to help yourself by getting better. You need to eat this so you can start the chemo tomorrow morning."

Derek was in no place to start arguing and knew that as soon as he ate the meal he could sleep- that's all he wanted to do. He grabbed the sandwich and took a bite of it. He managed to finish the whole thing off even though it was a very slow process. He then ate the bag of chips and one of the biscuits before pushing away the table. He laid back down onto his bed in the foetal position and fell asleep, exhausted from his illness, grief and sobbing.

"Do you want to go get something to eat while he's asleep?" Addison asked the younger women.

"Okay."

Meredith kissed him on the forehead before getting her purse and leaving the room, quietly shutting the door behind her.

"Crappy hospital food?"

"Sure." Addison smiled.

"Mark?" Carolyn asked wearily.

"It's okay Mom, I'm right here." Mark reassured rubbing her back.

She had her head resting on Mark's lap from when she fell asleep. The side of her head was wet from where Mark had been crying. She slowly sat up and looked at a devastated Mark and hugged him as he sobbed. He hadn't let himself break down when his parents had died so this was the first time he had properly felt the effects of grief.

"I'm sorry Mom." He said after the tears subsided a little.

"Don't apologise Mark."

Nancy, Kathleen and Liz had all gone back to the hotel, Mark and Carolyn headed to Meredith's house and Addison and Meredith stayed with Derek that night.

Derek woke up crying at 6:30am, Meredith and Addison were already up and showered. They'd got themselves some breakfast and got Derek some too.

"Good morning baby."

Derek was trapped in his thoughts, you could see the pain and darkness in his blue eyes. His face had somehow become a shade paler.

"Derek, you have to eat again this morning." Meredith sighed.

"Not hungry." He said quietly.

"I know, you have to eat for the chemo."

"I don't want to have the chemo, I want to go home."

"I know Derek."

Meredith pushed forward the table with some toast and juice on it, he ate half a slice of toast and the whole glass of orange juice. He retreated back into the covers and tried to sleep but he couldn't. Dr Swender walked in the room with the bag of chemo and a small paper cup of meds.

"Good morning." She said.

"Good morning, are we starting now?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah, we'll be starting with the cyclophosphamide infusion and dexamethasone tablets, alright?"

"Yes."

Dr Swender hung the bag of chemo on his IV pole and connected it to his line.

"Can you take this Derek?" Dr Swender said passing him the cup of tablets.

Without saying a word he placed the tablets in his mouth and swallowed them with the juice.

"Okay good, you're all set. If you start to feel nauseous or if you throw up just page me and I can put you on some anti-emetics. I will probably come check on you in an hour or 2."

"Thank you Rebecca." Meredith said just before she left.

Derek pulled the blanket back over him and fell asleep still crying.

"He's going to be okay Meredith."

"I know but it's awful seeing him like this."

"I know it is."

Mark and Carolyn walked in the room, both of their eyes were puffy but Carolyn was put together well with her make up on and hair done. On the other hand, Mark's hair was ruffled and his skin was nearly as pale as Derek's. They both had a tray of coffees and a box of donuts with them.

"Hey." Meredith sighed hugging Carolyn, Addison hugged Mark.

"How is he doing?"

"Not great at all, he's just started the chemo, how are you?"

"I'm okay." She lied.

"Mom, your not okay, it's okay to not be okay."

"I'm not the best, but I will be. I needed to talk to you about her funeral."

"Okay."

They all sat down, Meredith on the chair next to the foot of Derek's bed and the rest on the couch.

"When is Derek out of the hospital?"

"In 6 weeks but I'm sure he can have time out of the hospital for the funeral like a day."

"Okay, we need to do it here and she wanted to be buried. Where should we do that?"

"How about here?" Mark asked.

"We could get her a gravestone in New York as well."

"She'd love that." Carolyn said trying not to cry.

They all chatted, drank their coffees, ate their donuts and reminisced at memories of Amelia for almost 2 hours until Derek woke up again.

"Mer?" He whispered.

Meredith jumped up and walked straight over to him.

"How are you feeling?"

"Nauseous." He sighed.

"Oh Der, do you want me to page Dr Swender?"

"No."

"Okay."

"Mom?" He said trying not to cry.

"Yes dear?" She said walking to the other side of him, her too trying not to cry.

"I'm sorry." He said, a single tear rolling down his face.

"Oh Derek, why are you sorry?"

"If I hadn't been ill then she wouldn't be dead."

"Derek you cannot blame yourself."

"But I do."

"Come here Derek." She said leaning over and hugging him tightly.

She hadn't seen just how broken her son actually was, they both sobbed while hugging each other. Mark, Meredith and Addison let them be for a bit knowing they needed it. They pulled away after a few minutes and wiped their eyes. Derek leant back and closed his eyes for a second.

"Mom..." He said after a few minutes of silence.

"Yeah?"

"I...garbage or something..." He said sitting up.

"What?" She frowned and then reached for the bed pan on the chair next to the bed as he hunched over and began vomiting, his eyes squeezed tightly as he squeezed her hand, heaving desperately.

"Derek," She whispered, her eyes going wide before she placed her hand on his back.

"It's okay, it's okay." Carolyn reassured standing at the other side.

"Mom.." He whimpered.

"It's okay," Carolyn whispered as she rubbed his back soothingly.

"It's okay. Deep breaths just...deep breaths."

"Yeah...yeah," He gasped.

"It's okay," She repeated, her eyes filling with tears that she quickly blinked away as her son threw up again into the bed pan, his thin frame shaking violently as he heaved over and over.

"I'm here. I'm here."

"Mom...oh..." he breathed, his body sinking into hers as it came to a stop.

"You're okay," She murmured, pressing a kiss to his clammy temple.

"You're okay."

"Oh..." he groaned softly.

"Are you..." she trailed off as she bit her lip. She had no idea what to ask him. She had no idea how to ask him if he felt okay or how he was feeling because he felt like crap. He felt like crap and he was vomiting everywhere. Which she had expected. She had expected that, but this...this was insane. This was her son, her only son. Her son who wasn't supposed to be this sick.

"Mom..." He gasped, bending over again.

"Oh, god, Der," Carolyn whispered, blinking back tears again as she rubbed his back, reaching for the button to page a nurse. This wasn't good. This wasn't...this wasn't her son. Her son was strong. Her son barely ever got sick. This wasn't her son.

"I'm...I'm okay," He murmured, wiping at his mouth.

A nurse came running in and stood next to the gasping Derek.

"What's happening?"

"He...he can't stop throwing up." She said still running his back.

"Oh, dear," The nurse sighed, taking the bed pan from Carolyn.

"Let's get him up and into the washroom. I'll page Dr. Swender."

"Okay...okay," His Mom nodded.

"Dr. Shepherd, is there any pain?" The nurse asked softly as she helped Derek to stand up, grabbing the IV pole for him.

"No..." Derek shook his head.

"Good, that's good," The nurse smiled.

"We'll get you some anti-nausea medication and it may help."

"Okay," Derek nodded slowly.

"In the meantime," The nurse nodded to Carolyn,

"Your mom can get you a cool washcloth. Do you still feel like you're going to vomit?"

"Yeah," Derek murmured, taking a deep breath.

"Yeah."

"Washroom," The nurse nodded as she helped Derek to the washroom. His mom hovered behind them slightly, her hands shaking. He was sick. This was it. This was what they had really been worrying about and she hadn't really been thinking about at all. Because thinking about this...this was beyond what her thoughts could have come up with.

She was supposed to be helping him to the washroom, she was supposed to be by his side but she wasn't ready for this. Derek never got sick. When she got sick when Derek was a child, Derek took care of her and made fun of her and tried to convince her that he was healthy because he ate so healthy. Her daughter was dead and her son had cancer. Great. Derek never got sick. She was pretty sure the only times she had ever seen him vomit was after too long of night with Mark.

"I um..." She breathed, wincing as Derek suddenly gasped again, throwing up into the sink, his hands gripping the porcelain tightly.

"Ice chips. I'll get...I'll be right back."

"Okay," The nurse nodded.

She left the door and slammed the door behind leaning on it. She saw Meredith, Mark and Addison walking back down the corridor and she just broke down. Tears streamed down her face and she clutched onto her chest. They all ran back down the corridor to see what the hell was happening.

"Mom?" Mark said placing her hand on her back.

"I'm...sorry." She sobbed.

"What's happening?" Meredith asked looking concerned.

"I...I can't do it...he's too sick and my daughters...dead." She sobbed.

"Oh Carolyn, come with us." Addison said helping her stand up straight.

They walked down the corridor with Mark towards an on-call room which Dr Swender was coming up running, she shot a puzzled look at them but carried on running.

"What's happening?"

"Erm...I don't know." Meredith stuttered.

When they opened the door, they could head a faint noise in the bathroom and walked in.

"It's okay, Derek," Rebecca sighed.

"This is completely normal for some patients. You know that."

"Der," Meredith whispered, pushing back Dr Swender , her hand going to Derek's back.

"Derek...it's okay. You're okay."

"Mer..." He breathed, leaning into her immediately.

"It's okay," She murmured, rubbing his back.

"I'm here. I'm here."

"You're here," He echoed, and she could hear the relief in his voice.

"We're going to give you some Lorazepam, Derek," Rebecca said as Meredith helped her husband back towards the bed, her hand glued to the small of his back.

"Okay," Derek nodded.

"Sarah, can you grab me the Lorazepam, please?" Rebecca nodded at the nurse who moved quickly out of the room as Meredith lowered Derek onto the bed, crawling in next to him.

"I'm...I'm okay, Mer," Derek attempted a smile.

"Liar," she shook her head, running a cool washcloth down his face. "You're such a liar."

"I know." He laughed softly.

"Are you going to be sick again?" She murmured, watching as she injected medicine into Derek's IV.

"No," he shook his head,

"Pretty sure I'm empty."

"Okay. Still feeling nauseous?"

"Yeah," he sighed.

"The Lorazepam should help," Dr Swender stated,

"If it doesn't, we try something else."

"Good," Derek nodded.

"You need to rest Derek."

"Okay." His tone going back to how it was before, sad and depressing.

He placed his head on Meredith's stomach and began to softly cry again. Meredith knew whatever she said wouldn't make a difference so just stroked his hair until he fell asleep, Dr Swender had already left the room.