"…this is the third mass atrocity this week. We only know the Joker is behind these from the few surviving eyewitnesses, as except for the inclusion of Joker toxin, all the bombs seem to be designed only to inflict as much damage as possible with no conceivable comedic connection, which is not the Clown Prince's usual style. Sources speculate that his breakup with Harley Quinn has made the Joker more vengeful than usual, concerned only with inflicting pain and terror rather than his usual brand of deranged humor. Whatever the cause, all of Gotham is wondering, where is Batman and when will he stop the Joker's murderous rampage?"
Batman flicked off the TV news and returned his attention to the computer screen, scanning the reports of the Joker's latest bombing and the photos taken from the wreckage.
"I've brought you your dinner, sir – you shouldn't be exploring crime scenes on an empty stomach," said Alfred, entering the Batcave carrying a tray.
Batman grunted his acknowledgment, not looking up from the photos. "Doesn't the Joker usually want you to find him and fight with him, sir?" asked Alfred. "But he hasn't left you any clues, has he?"
"No," muttered Batman. "I don't think this is a game this time, Alfred. I think the Joker's genuinely suffering, and he's making everyone feel his pain."
"Because of Miss Quinn, sir?" asked Alfred.
"Yes," replied Batman. "And the children. I don't think he loves them, Alfred – I don't think he's capable of that. But he is bitter that they left him. His ego bridles at anyone rejecting him – he should be the one to dismiss people when he's tired of them, not the other way around. That drives a narcissist like him crazy. He's tried to make both Harley and the children so dependent on him that they wouldn't dare leave, but they have. And now he's taking his rage for his failure out on the innocent people of Gotham. The only way a monster like him knows how to express himself is through violence – you could see that with Harley. And now that she's left him, he's using Gotham as his punching bag in place of her."
"Monstrous indeed, sir," agreed Alfred, nodding. "How will you stop him?"
"There has to be something here," muttered Batman. "Some clue…"
An alarm suddenly beeped on the Batcomputer, and Batman brought up another screen. "Great, just what I need – another supervillain attack," he sighed. "It's the Bank of Gotham – could be any of those freaks who need cash. Well, at least beating them up will make me feel better."
"Indeed, sir," agreed Alfred, as Batman leapt into the Batmobile and drove off. "And speaking of taking your rage for failure out on innocent people," he sighed, taking the tray back to the kitchen. "Master Bruce just has no self-awareness."
…
Usually Batman could tell which supervillain was attacking Gotham – they all had their signature styles, and modes of attack. For Ivy, it was plants, for Scarecrow, it was fear gas, and the pattern repeated for all the supervillains. But when he arrived at the Bank of Gotham, he truly couldn't tell who was inside – the door had been forced open with a regular crowbar, and there didn't appear to be anything theatrical in the attack at all. Almost as if no undo attention wanted to be drawn to it except to trigger the alarm.
Batman entered the bank and looked around, hoping for any clues to determine who was inside. But the building was dark and empty, except for the door to the vault, which was ajar and had light coming from it. Batman approached carefully, keeping his Batarang primed.
He was surprised to see Poison Ivy, Two-Face, Scarecrow, Riddler, and Jervis Tetch, the former Mad Hatter, all gathered in the vault. They didn't appear to be stealing any money, although Ivy and Two-Face were half-heartedly throwing cash into bags, apparently just for show. But the other three were huddled in a corner of the vault, Scarecrow with a bandaged arm, and Riddler looking like he had suffered even worse brutality, staring around wildly.
"He's here – Batman's here!" exclaimed Riddler, pointing at him suddenly.
Batman raised his Batarang, preparing to fire it when somebody made a move. But nobody did – they all just stood there looking at him, and he looked back at them. "Put down the money," he ordered, glaring at Ivy and Two-Face.
They obeyed, raising their hands up. "Now don't move while I handcuff you and take you back to Arkham," Batman ordered.
He was stunned when they obeyed. "Uh…isn't anyone going to resist arrest?" he asked at last.
They all shook their heads. "O…K," said Batman, slowly, as he approached Ivy. He expected some sort of trick as he grabbed her arm and forced her wrists behind her back, but she was strangely compliant, and the pattern repeated with all of the Rogues.
"Jervis, what are you even doing here?" asked Batman, turning to him at last. "You can't go back to Arkham – you've been declared legally sane. Why are you assisting in a bank robbery?"
"I've had a relapse," replied Tetch. "The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things, of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings, and why the sea is boiling hot, and whether pigs have wings – there, are you convinced?"
"No," retorted Batman. "I'm not convinced by any of this – what's going on?" he demanded, looking around at them. "What's wrong with all of you?"
"So very much," spoke up Scarecrow. "We're insane criminals who have multiple, persistent mental issues, and therefore need to be taken to Arkham at once and remain there until our issues are resolved, which could take a very, very long time. Just arrest us, Batman. Please."
"You're asking me to arrest you?" repeated Batman. "I don't understand…"
"Security at Arkham is pretty terrible, but it's better than nothing," said Riddler, who was quivering like a leaf. "We need some kind of safe space away from him…"
"Who?" asked Batman. "Joker?"
Riddler, Scarecrow, and Tetch all cringed, while Ivy and Two-Face muttered non-committally. "I'm not scared of Joker, just for the record," said Ivy. "But my babies need a refuge away from him. I've gathered them all in the vault next door, so we might need to take two trips to Arkham, at least…"
"Hang on, what's Joker done?" interrupted Batman.
"You ask that?" demanded Scarecrow. "Don't you know?"
"I know he's been blowing up things with these massive Joker toxin bombs," said Batman. "But I didn't know he'd targeted you guys as well."
"The bombs are what make the news, as they have the most casualties," said Two-Face. "But that's certainly not all he's done since Harley left. He…"
He trailed off. "Crane, you go first, and I'll go second," he snapped.
"He broke my humerus," said Crane, gesturing to his arm. "He thought that was terribly funny, but personally I don't see the joke in it."
"That was when Johnny came to see me, because he thought Harley was staying with me," said Ivy. "She wasn't, but Joker blew up the block around the corner, and then broke his arm. So I moved my plants to what I thought was a safer area, one I thought the Joker wouldn't strike. And he didn't – he confined his attack to my plants specifically. I woke up in the middle of the night to find he'd released a horde of aphids into my home. The plants I managed to save were eaten right through – I guess as revenge for me sheltering his children, he decided to murder mine slowly and painfully. That seems like the kinda thing he would find funny, I guess."
"I was meant to go second, Pam," growled Two-Face. "The last job I pulled, Joker murdered half of my guys. For no reason, and really with no provocation. He just showed up and opened fire with a tommy gun. I didn't even get the joke there – I guess it was meant to be funny because of the half-face thing? But it just seemed more random and bizarre than anything else."
"He hasn't had a chance to do anything to me yet, but that's because I haven't stayed in the same place for more than a day," said Tetch. "Constantly moving, that's the key. Or be locked up someplace safe."
"And Nygma? What happened to you?" asked Batman, turning to him.
"I'd rather not talk about it," muttered Riddler.
"Edward saw the story in the paper that Jack Ryder wrote, about the Joker visiting that brothel," said Crane. "Edward wanted to investigate the story further, but I don't know why – why did you go to the brothel, Edward?"
"None of your business!" snapped Nygma. "It was…a riddle thing, obviously."
"Obviously," agreed Batman, dryly.
"But Joker was there when I showed up," said Nygma. "And he…basically broke everything. All I remember is pain coming from his fists and insane laughter coming from his mouth."
"You have to take us to Arkham before he does worse," pleaded Tetch. "To all of us. He's not stable…"
"He was never stable," retorted Batman.
"But he's not even funny anymore," agreed Two-Face. "It's like he's lost his sense of humor and is just committing crimes for…no reason. I mean, his reasons were never very good – stupid jokes with bizarre punchlines. But at least that was a reason. Now it's more…nihilistic, like he just wants to inflict pain for pain's sake. He's not well. I don't think any of us ever fully appreciated how much Harley reigned in the whole psychopath thing – I guess it makes sense, since she was a shrink and all. But without her, he's just…lost his mind. What little he had of it anyway."
Batman was silent. "Does anyone know where Joker is currently hiding?" he asked. "If you tell me that, I'll take you all to Arkham."
"I do," spoke up Ivy. "My plants spotted him hanging around that abandoned family home, where the Bowery meets Park Row - they told me he was out shooting squirrels in his backyard in the middle of the night. Good for the trees, of course, since they hate the little rodents who climb all over them. No offense, Batman - I know you have an affinity for little rodents."
"Shooting squirrels?" repeated Batman, confused. "Where's the joke in that?"
"If you don't get it, we certainly don't," retorted Ivy.
Batman said nothing, but gestured toward the door. "The Batmobile's outside. You'll be safe in Arkham soon."
"Jervis, I can't admit you as a patient here," said Dr. Leland firmly, about fifteen minutes later. "You're cured. You're one of our rare success stories, and I'm not reversing that for any reason. It's basically the only one we've got."
"Please, Dr. Leland, I'll do anything!" begged Tetch. "Please just lock me up in my old cell!"
Dr. Leland sighed. "Well, I never thought I'd hear the patients begging to be readmitted," she muttered. "It makes a nice change from them constantly trying to escape, I guess. All right, you can stay here temporarily, but I'm not locking you in…"
Batman left the asylum, and re-entered the Batmobile, heading toward the location Ivy had given, and preparing himself for anything.