Trigger Warning activated for next few chapters.
Sammy had spent whatever time she wasn't at Rico's at the tattoo parlor, drawing different designs obsessively and plastering the good ones up with the rest of her art. Barney and Lee had fixed her car up before they left, so she had a way to get around. She was too tired at night to notice that she was alone on her bed or couch- wherever she plopped down at night she ended up falling asleep.
"Do you ever leave?" Tool asked, nursing a whiskey, his pipe in one hand. He looked over her shoulder at a drawing she was working on.
"I like it here," she said, putting her pencil down and looking up at Tool. "It's nice to have a distraction."
He shrugged. He knew that feeling well. He needed to be distracted from his entire life.
"The boys are gonna be back tonight," he said, raising his eyebrows.
Sammy smiled. "That's good. I'm not working at Rico's tonight. It's my day off."
"Even better," he said. "Keep working up those designs. I'll get some oranges for you to practice on eventually."
He turned and made his way to the metal staircase at the side of the room. She knew that he lived up there.
She was curious about what Lee and his team were doing while they were away. She tried to imagine him in a suit and tie, fiddling with different high-tech gadgets. The idea made her chuckle. Lee had an old phone, barely watched TV, and spent most of his time in this place. He was no James Bond. Still, the thought made her smile.
It was maybe quarter to nine when the team rolled up to the garage, lining their bikes up outside the closed garage door. Lee was injury-free this time, thankfully, and felt his heart lurch when he saw that Sammy's car was parked across the street. He hadn't talked much about her on the mission, but he thought about her a lot- how she was doing, what was going on with Riley, if that drunk had left her alone.
Barney was the first one through the door, followed by Caesar and Gunner. Toll Road and Yang were bickering about something, and Lee wandered in last. He watched her sit on the other side of the room, lost in the piece of art she was working on. There was a lot of new art stapled to the wall in front of her. Most of the designs had ravens worked into them and he smiled.
He unzipped his leather riding jacket and tossed it aside, making his way over to her. He leaned on the desk beside her, watching her head tilt melodically side to side as she doodled.
She looked up at him and smiled.
"Hey, Lee."
"Hey, Sammy."
Sammy looked up at him for a moment before putting her pencil down and standing, looking him up and down.
"Broken ribs?" She asked.
"Not one," he said, holding his hands out as though he was being inspected.
"Hm," she said, crossing her arms. "No bruises on your head either. You did good, Mr. Bond."
He chuckled. He felt like he had forgotten how beautiful she was while he was away.
"How are things with you?" He asked. The fact that the month was coming to an end weighed heavily between them.
"Right now, she looks like she's doing okay... I've been putting aside the money I'm gonna send. Chemo is expensive."
Lee grunted, crossing his arms as he leaned back on her desk again.
"That's good, though. It's good."
"Yeah," Sammy said with a light smile. "It is."
"I'm gonna get a drink," he said. "Do you want anything?"
Sammy shook her head. "I'm okay. Thanks, though."
He nodded, making his way to the back room where the guys were lazily stretching and passing beers around.
"What's up, lover boy?" Caesar teased, tossing him a beer.
"Careful, Caesar," Lee said, popping off the cap and taking a swig. "You might be big, but I can still take you."
They all laughed. On the other side of the wall, Sammy could hear it. They laughed loud, like a collective roar. It was nice to hear laughter instead of nothing, or peoples sob stories at the bar.
She was mindlessly doodling in her sketch pad, trying to think up another design idea but feeling entirely too burnt out. Her phone started to buzz and she felt her heart tighten.
It's okay, she thought to herself, picking the phone up and looking over the caller-id. Just checking in.
She stood and held the phone to her ear, her other arm crossing over her stomach and resting it under her elbow. She walked around slightly, away from the laughter in the other room.
"Hey, mom. How is everything? I'm sending some money soon."
"Sammy," she said, her voice cracking. Sammy clenched her jaw.
"Mom?"
"Something went wrong. Riley had an episode," she said, trying to keep her voice steady and failing. "I think you should come home, Sammy."
Sammy stopped in her place, her world closing in around her. She could see herself in the third person, zooming down onto her body from the universe. Her heart was tight in her chest.
"What happened? What's- what's wrong?"
"She's with the doctors," her mom explained, distracted. "Just... Just come home, Sammy. Please."
"I- I have work, I have to work or I won't have money to send-"
"We don't need it," her mom said.
"But the insurance is up in a couple days, and-"
"Sammy, please," her mom begged, and Sammy could hear the tears she was suppressing.
"Mom..."
"Just come home, Sammy. Please."
The phone clicked off and she held it to her ear still, standing still in the middle of the room, her heart pounding in her cheeks. She could hear every thump, every whoosh of blood through it. Her breaths were sharp and staccato, rapidly losing their evenness. If she put the phone down, she felt like she would be tossing in the towel. She'd be giving up, resigning herself to whatever it was that was happening. As long as she held that phone to her ear, she was flipping off the universe, throwing it for a loop.
The guys had made their way out of the back room but quieted when they saw her standing there in the middle of the parlor, silent with the phone to her ear. Lee stiffened. A million things raced through his mind at once- was it Riley? Had something happened? Maybe it was just a call form Rico's asking her to cover a shift. Still, he watched carefully, unmoving.
She swallowed, reminding herself not to be stupid. She'd gather up her money and find the next available plane to New York. Riley would be fine. She'd take everything she had and give it over if she needed to. It would be okay. She dropped her hand from her ear and felt the world slow down around her her, tucking the phone into the pockets of her shorts. She looked up and saw the guys all standing there, uncertain.
She cleared her throat, trying to brace herself to use her voice.
I'm not going to cry, she told herself. Riley is okay.
"Lee," she said, blinking a few times to steady herself. "I need to get on a plane to New York."
Barney glanced at him, confused. Lee took a step towards her, worried, a knot forming above his brows.
"I need to get on a plane to New York, now."
She cursed herself as the tears started flowing. Lee put his beer down and hurried over to her, taking her by the arms and searching her face. She was tense, trying hard to keep herself together. He saw through it.
"What is it?" He asked, searching her eyes.
"I need-" she tried, her breath catching. "I need to go to New York. I need to go home, Lee."
He nodded, pulling her into his chest as she hiccuped and broke. He stroked her hair, thankful he had gotten back from the job early. He shifted so he could look at Barney.
They didn't need words to communicate. Barney knew what Lee was asking and he nodded, holding his finger up and swirling it in a circular motion. All of the guys except for Tool started gathering up their things, heading for their bikes. Tool held his pipe in his mouth and sighed.
"We're gonna go tonight," Lee said, pulling Sammy back and finding her eyes. He reached up his thumbs and wiped some tears from her cheeks. "We'll be there soon. Before sunrise."
She looked up at him, confused.
"What do you mean?" She asked, blinking her eyes clear and looking up at him.
"It doesn't matter. Come on, let's get your things."
She nodded, making her way back to her desk and tucking her stuff away with shaky, uncertain hands. She grabbed all the cash she had tucked away at her desk and shoved it into her bag.
Lee handed her his helmet and she put it on her head, too distracted to question anything. He gave her hands a pat when she wrapped them around his waist and they took off, falling in line behind the rest of the guys. He was thankful for them. They'd do anything he asked in a split second.
He felt his heart melting. What was wrong with Riley? Was it Riley that was making her rush home? He figured it had to be.
Sammy kept her eyes closed the entire time. She was too afraid that if she saw the road stretch under her feet, she would just let herself go.
—-
The guys pulled their bikes into the hangar. It was as they just left it. Barney told the guys to run the pre-flight check, but forget loading anything. They wouldn't need anything for this mission.
Lee climbed off the bike and pulled the helmet from Sammy's head. She had tears streaked down her cheeks, her eyes puffy and red.
"Come on," he said. "We're bringing you home. It'll be alright."
"I need to call Rico's," she said, pulling out her phone. Lee watched her hurry off the opening of the hangar, pressing her phone to her ear.
"Hey," she said, sniffing. "Listen, um, I have an emergency at home. I don't know how long I'll be gone, but-"
The man on the other end talked for a minute.
"No, no, listen- it's and emergency. Life or death. I can't stay here just to work. I have to-"
He cut her off, just barely loud enough to be heard from her speaker.
"I've worked how many hours for you the last five years? I need a couple days! I'm not bullshitting you, I'm-"
A thought ran through her mind. If Riley was dying, she wouldn't need to work at Rico's anymore.
"Fine, I'll get my last paycheck when I get back."
She turned the phone off and squatted, dropping her head to her hands. The night was spread out in front of her, the clouds parting slightly to reveal the stars. Her tears fell in tiny puddles at her feet.
Lee knelt down beside her and put a hand on her back.
"Everything alright?" He asked.
She drew in a breath. "No," she said. "Fuck Rico's. I just need to get to New York. It doesn't matter."
He nodded, helping her stand and guiding her to the plane. She seemed too stuck in her own head to realize what was happening, and Lee was kind of grateful he wouldn't have anything to explain. The rest of the team piled on and fell into their seats.
Gunner took a swig of his flask and looked over at Lee, raising his eyebrows. He shook his head.
Sammy was sitting next to him, her thigh against his. Her knee was bouncing, her head down and focused on the floor. The flight wouldn't be long, but it felt like every step she took closer to Riley, she was another mile away from living.
—-
The flight was quiet. The guys knew that this mission wasn't going to end in celebration at Rusty's. Lee had given them a rough idea of the situation over the course of the last week, so they just let their heads hang in respect.
Lee watched Sammy the entire time, bracing herself like a soldier about to head into battle. Her jaw tight and locked, her eyes hard and glazed over. He wondered if she would make it home from this war the same. He hoped that she would. He hoped above hope that for her sake, Riley would be okay.
He thought back to Rico's and wanted to punch her boss right in the face. He'd never seen him, but he figured all he would have to do was look for a nasty weasel-faced man hanging around the bar. His fists clenched at the idea and he sighed. It wasn't the time for anger. It was time for him to be calm and be there for her; he said he would. That night before he left, he'd given her his word. And he was a man of his word.
Yang sat next to Barney in the copilot seat. He was much smaller than Lee and it threw Barney off for a second, scoffing as he struggled to reach the same controls Lee could get to easily.
"Don't be rude," Yang said, accent thick. "This is why I should be paid more. More effort for same job."
Barney rolled his eyes. "Nobody's getting paid for this one, Yang."
Yang drew in a breath and sighed. "I know. Poor girl."
Barney nodded. He had only interacted with Sammy a handful of times, but even then, he knew she didn't deserve this. Bad things happened to good people. He wished it could be the opposite for a change.
—-
The flight landed smoothly. Barney knew a guy at the airport and had called ahead, getting the all-clear to dock the plane there for a little while. It wasn't terribly far from the hospital they were supposed to be heading to, either. That was one less obstacle to get in Sammy's way.
"Hey," Lee said, shaking Sammy out her thoughts. She pulled her finger from her mouth and looked up at him, surprised. "We're here. We just landed. Come on."
A look of fear flashed over Sammy's face. She was home. Home. Lee wondered what that must have felt like, not to mention the dread of what she might have to deal with. He gave her a squeeze and nodded at her, prompting her to rise and follow him.
"Lee, I can't do this," she whispered.
"Yes you can. You're gonna go in there and tell Riley all about the tattoo shop, all about me, all about that job at Rico's. You're gonna tell her you love her no matter what."
Sammy swallowed and found his eyes. After a moment of hesitation, she nodded.
The sky was clear when they got off the plane. Sammy looked up and found the stars, the same stars she had grown up gazing at and fantasizing about. Her first dream in life was to go to space and hold those stars in her hands.
Lee gently nudged her along. There were two cars waiting for them, courtesy of a favor Barney asked of his friend. Lee was grateful that Barney was so understanding. He didn't press the issue, just went along. So did the rest of the guys. They were always ready to run into a war zone for each other, but this? This was a whole other breed of hurt. They hardly knew Sammy, but her connection to Lee made her one of them, so they went anyway.
He could tell Sammy was more afraid than she was letting on. Her hands trembled, pressed in a ball against her chest. She swallowed and shuddered, the night in New York much colder than the night in New Orleans. He tugged off his riding jacket and threw it over her shoulders. She looked up at him and pressed her lips into a pained smile.
He opened the passenger side door for her and she climbed in, chewing anxiously on her lips. He hurried around to the other side, climbing into the driver's seat while Gunner and Yang climbed into the back. Barney, Caesar, and Toll would take the other car.
The ride to the hospital was tense. Sammy shook harder and harder the further they got from the airport. Lee wondered if this was a place she recognized- a place she had known well growing up, passed by without a second thought. He glanced over at her and saw her eyes pressed closed.
Sammy didn't want to see any of it. She left it behind for a reason, and even if she ever did come back, she didn't want those roads to be tainted with this feeling of helpless grief. She was standing on the edge of waterfall, watching the water try and tug her down off the cliff. She was fighting against it so hard, knowing that she'd lose herself in the fall. She had to hold on for Riley. For Riley.
Lee pulled into the hospital parking lot, Barney's car close behind. The guys were all quiet, looking down at their feet, wondering what they should expect. It was late, the hospital was mostly empty, so they parked as close as they could to make a fast getaway if they needed to. Lee nodded back at Gunner and Yang and they climbed out of the car, leaving just Lee and Sammy in the front.
"Sammy," he said, reaching over and brushing some hair out of her face. "We're here."
Her breathing picked up. She looked up at him, panicked, tears burning in her eyes. "Lee, I can't- I can't-"
"You can," he said, nodding, brushing some of her tears away. "You will. She's right in there. Come on."
Sammy nodded, opening her door and pulling herself out. Her chest was heavy and full of dread. She couldn't picture herself walking out of that hospital alive. She looked up at it, at the silver sign that said "main entrance" and swallowed hard.
"This is where she was born," she said, her voice low and carried away with the wind. Lee frowned and took her hand, warming it between both of his.
"Come on," he said. "Let's go find her."
They were quite the gaggle walking into the lobby of the hospital. The nurses at the front desk looked them over- Sammy was small in comparison to all of them. Lee looked like a soldier straight off a tour, his face drawn tight and serious. Barney looked like an old mafia guy with his shiny jewelry and greasy hair. Gunner was big and wide, and next to him was Yang, short and stout. Caesar and Toll followed behind them, both burly and confused.
"We'll wait here, Lee," Barney said, giving his shoulder a pat. Lee nodded and helped Sammy to the front desk.
The nurses looked her over sadly. Any restraint they had previously diminished as they took in the sight of Sammy, blubbering near hysterics but trying to hold herself together. Lee tried to decode her words for the nurses and they offered him sad, polite smiles which he returned in kind. After a second they got their visitor tags and hurried to the nearest elevator.
Fourth floor, pediatric ICU.
Sammy wrapped her hand around Lee's and squeezed it as the doors closed. This was it. This was the front line. This was the moment she had to pull herself together. The door would ding and slide open, and she would walk out into a sad hallway and look for her parents, who she hadn't seen in years. The she'd go to see Riley, who was probably different than Sammy remembered in more ways than one. She swallowed, watching the numbers above the door rise slowly. It felt like an eternity. She just wanted to get it over with and hold Riley in her arms, tell her she was sorry for staying away for so long. Her heart leapt and jerked in her chest, screaming to be released from its cage. She wondered if Lee could feel her heart pounding where he stood next to her, eyes trained on the rising numbers as well. At least she didn't have to do this alone. At least Lee would be there to help her if she couldn't stand it. The thought soothed her slightly and she tried to use it as an opportunity to gather herself. What would she say to her mother? Her father? What would be the first thing she'd say to Riley? She figured she knew when the moment came, but panicked about it nevertheless. All she wanted was for all of this to go away. Fuck hospitals, fuck cancer, and fuck the pricks that fired her dad.
The doors dinged and slid open. That was it. Time to step into the field, Lee thought, giving her had a squeeze. They took the few steps together in sync, Sammy trembling but not faltering. He admired her strength. He breathed in the smell of hospital antiseptic and tears, looking around at the paintings hanging from the bland walls, all of little animals or cartoons. It was dreary. He had never been in a pediatric ICU before.
Sammy hesitated when she saw her mom hunched over a chair, head cradled in her hands, shoulders bobbing weakly. She looked up at Lee and nodded, letting his hand fall from hers. This was her fight. She had to face it herself. Lee stood just behind her, hoping he could catch her if she fell. Backup was close.
"Mom," she tried weakly, stopping a few feet away from the weeping woman.
"Mom," she said again, this time louder, catching the woman's attention. She looked up and stared at Sammy for a second, glancing behind her at Lee. She was confused as to how she had gotten there so fast, but she stood nevertheless and looked her over.
"Sammy," she said, looking her up and down.
"Where's daddy?" Sammy asked, looking around the waiting room. There was a pit in her stomach.
"He's-" the woman tried, wiping some tears from her face. "He's, um, making arrangements."
Sammy shook her head, confused. "Arrangements for what? I don't understand."
Her mother sighed and looked her over. There was little affection between the two women, Lee noticed. The couple feet of distance between them seemed to be a crater, a trench. No-man's-land. It was littered with shrapnel and mines ready to burst.
"Sammy, when I called you-"
"Mom," Sammy said suddenly, her eyes tightening around her, wide, red, and watery. "Where is she?"
"When I called you, Sammy, it was- it was already..." The woman broke, tears flowing from her eyes hard and freely. She pinched the bridge of her nose, clearly exhausted.
"Where is she?" Sammy was breaking. She was trying so desperately to hold herself together, Lee knew, but he was watching her start to crumble.
"They did everything they could," the woman said, trying to find Sammy's eyes. "Riley, she-"
Sammy shook her head, stepping around her woman furiously. Lee blinked, looking between Sammy and her mother as Sammy hurried to the hallway just ahead. She stumbled desperately, vision blurry from the tears. They had written the room number on the visitors passes and she looked down at it, hands shaking, hurrying to find the room. Lee hurried after her, jaw squeezed shut hard. He felt people watching them, most of them just sad and apologetic. He felt out of place, but he pushed on anyway as Sammy pushed open a closed door at the end of the hallway and stood in the archway, looking into the room.
Lee landed behind her and looked in. There was a narrow figure in the bed with the sheets drawn over the top. He looked down at her, afraid, and went to reach for her hand as she stepped away from him and into the room. She wandered numbly to the side of the bed, her eyes drifting over the covered body. There were no IV drips, no tubes, no medicine. Nothing for Sammy to fight with to see her. She pressed her fingers to the edge of the blanket and trembled.
"Sammy," Lee said from the foot of the bed. "Sammy, maybe-"
Sammy wasn't listening to him. She pressed her lips together and pulled back the sheet.
Riley had grown, but the cancer and the chemo had stunted her growth slightly. She was taller than Sammy remembered, slender from the onslaught of treatments she had been subjected to. Her eyes were closed and hollow, her cheeks sunken in and sickly. Her hair was fuzzy at the top of her head. Her skin, a bit more golden than Sammy's, was frail with the palor of death. Even so, Lee could tell she had been more tan than Sammy was.
Sammy leaned over the bed, cupping her head in her hands, searching her face as if for signs of life. She hadn't held her sister in so long. She felt a rush of pain knock into her and take her breath away. She couldn't hold her head up anymore. She dropped it to Riley's forehead, her mouth gaping open as though to sob, but no sound left her. Tears raged from her eyes and dropped along Riley's skin. Lee swallowed his own tears, watching Sammy climb onto the side of the bed next to Riley, cupping her face and curling up next to her.
"Riley," she cried, pressing her skin to Riley's cheek. She was warm. Not warm like living, warm like room-temperature, like she had gone cold and settled enough that her skin matched the space around her. She was fading into the air, into nothing. Sammy tilted her head closer to her own and cried out, peeling her eyes open to look over her face.
"Riley," she said again, shaking her head. "Riley I'm so sorry. Please... Please..."
She wasn't sure what she was begging for. It was too late to bargain. She was gone, and Sammy knew that, but she begged anyway. Begged for any god or higher power that was listening to take her instead, or at the very least, take her with her baby sister. How could she exist in a world where Riley did not? How had she ever existed in a world before she was born? She was the rope that kept her tethered to the earth and now she was floating away, helplessly watching the ground and the cities fade beneath her as the universe wrapped its greedy arms around her and sucked her in.
She didn't want to exist in a place that had taken Riley away from her. She worked so hard to make sure this didn't happen. She hoped and prayed and even clasped her hands together at the foot of her bed, thinking that she would try anything if there was even a chance it might have worked. But none of it did. Sammy felt her heart liquify and drain from her eyes with her tears, leaving her hollow and dark inside.
"Riley," she said, her voice softer, much more faint than before. She kissed Riley's cheek, her forehead, her eyes, and her nose. She ran her hand over the fuzz atop Riley's head. She hiccuped and pressed her hand flat over Rileys chest, flinching as no fluttering heartbeat awaited her. Riley was perpetually still. It was over.
"Sammy," Lee tried, slowly walking to the side of the bed, placing his hand on her back.
Sammy let out a strangled cry and held Rileys face in her hands, pressed against her cheek to cheek. Her eyes were squeezed shut, her face twisted and miserable. All the money she had sent, all the hours she had worked, and the shit she had dealt with- it was for nothing. Riley was dead anyway. Giving up her dream, living in the broken down little house, driving that crappy old car.
Sammy wished she would die right there next to Riley's small body. She wouldn't mind becoming one with her, their bodies intertwining for the rest of eternity. They were sisters. Nobody would understand her like Riley could, and nobody would love Riley the way Sammy could. The age difference didn't matter. They were of the same blood, the same heart and soul, carved from the same stone. Two pieces of the same cloth.
How do you live without your sister?
Sammy drew in a breath and lifted her head, gently resting Riley back against her pillow. She was skinny beside her, dainty and weak. Her collar bones poked out at sharp angles even with her lying flat on her back, head up to the ceiling. She wiped the tears she had cried off of Riley's plastic skin, running her fingers along the little freckles they had shared. Little beauty marks. Little stars that kept them connected. Lee watched sadly, his heart hurting and pounding for Sammy. He wanted to take it all away.
Sammy sat up and dropped her feet to the floor, turning quickly back to Riley. She took the blanket in her hands and pulled it up around her shoulders, tucking her in gently. She leaned down to Rileys ear, closing her eyes and fighting the sobs threatening to rack her chest.
"Now I lay me down to sleep," she whispered, adjusting the blanket around her and stroking her cheek once more. "I pray the lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the lord my soul to take."
She pressed a kiss just under Riley's ear and pulled away, tucking the blanket snug around her. She squeezed her small hand through the fabric, looking down at her impossibly small frame. She was off on an adventure. Somewhere not far, close enough by that she could feel her, but far enough away that she could be happy.
Lee placed his hand on the small of Sammy's back and watched her.
"Sammy?" He tried again, biting back his tears.
"It's okay, Lee," she said, sniffing and running her arm down Rileys. "She's beautiful, isn't she? She's grown since I last saw her."
"She looks like you," Lee said, watching Sammy's face and she watched Rileys. His heart ached. He wanted to hold her and let her cry, let her shatter into him. He didn't care if the pieces of her broken soul lodged into his skin and made him bleed. He would take it. He would deal with it. He would bear it.
Sammy pressed one more kiss to Riley's forehead and turned to Lee, stumbling for a moment. Lee grabbed her arm, steadying her. He held her up as she walked out from the room, leaving Riley there, tucked into bed, fast asleep forever.
Her mom was pacing in the waiting room and frowned when she saw Sammy walking back out of the ICU. She glanced up at Lee as he supported her, a stranger for all intents and purposes holding onto her only living daughter.
"Sammy," she said, shaking her head. "I was trying to tell you."
"That she was dead?" Sammy asked, the coolness in her voice taking Lee by surprise. "That no matter how hard I worked it didn't matter? That losing the insurance didn't matter?"
"Sammy, I tried-"
"You could've told me to come sooner. You could've-"
"You wouldn't have come," her mom said, brushing her off.
"Of course I would have come!" Sammy snapped, more tears flowing from her eyes, but this time they pulsed with anger. Lee squeezed her arm.
"Sammy, all you ever said when I called was that you were working. You were busy."
"To make money for Riley!" She said, desperately. "If she was dying, I would have come to be with her. I wanted to be with her!"
Her mom sighed and shook her head. "Sammy, Riley was so out of it at the end. Hopped up on drugs. She hardly recognized me and your father. It would have hurt you more-"
"You don't get to decide that!" Sammy cried, and Lee felt like she would've lunged for the woman if he hadn't been holding her.
"Riley wouldn't have wanted you to see her that way."
"Riley would have wanted me to be there with her!" Sammy cried. "She was probably afraid, she probably wanted me to hold her hand- and- and-"
Sammy's mom shook her head, looking down at the ground. She looked exhausted, worn out.
"Sammy, your father and I thought it was best. We didn't want you there."
Sammy froze, and Lee could feel the hurt radiate through her. He was insulted himself, though he was completely separate from the family and the issues at hand. He squeezed Sammy a little tighter, trying to steady her as he felt her fight another sob.
"What?" She asked. She sounded broken and lost.
"You ran off, Sammy," her mother snapped, her own tears running dry. "I lost both of my daughters the day you ran off to New Orleans."
Sammy shook her head, doubling slightly over against her mother's words. Lee supported most of her weight, wanting desperately just to pick her up and carry her all the way back to the plane and take her away.
"I was- I was doing something for myself- Riley wanted me to go-"
"Riley was nine years old!" Her mom snapped, and Lee pulled Sammy back slightly. "You walked out on us!"
"I sent you all of my money, I tried to take care of you-"
"Your sister was dying for years and you didn't come home," she said. "She wanted you, Sammy. When she would have bad nights, she would ask for you-"
Sammy cried out, her fingers clutched around Lee's arms. She was watching herself shatter in the third person, floating above her body like a ghost. She wondered if Riley could see.
"You are not the Sammy I raised," her mother said, and Lee could hear the desperate pain in her voice, the pain she was taking out on Sammy.
"Okay," he said, looking between the both of them. "Okay, come on, Sammy. Let's go."
Sammy clung to Lee, nose running as she tried to hold back her tears. The world she had left behind years ago was suffocating her. She was struggling to breathe. Panicking. The chains of her life before New Orleans clinging to her wrists and ankles, tying her down, chaining her to the misery.
"And don't come back," her mother cried, and from behind her a man Lee assumed to be Sammy's father took her in his arms, looking at Lee with watery, confused eyes. He glanced down at Sammy in Lee's arms and parted his lips to speak, but there were tears curling around his mouth and he seemed to be speechless.
"My daughters are dead!" Her mother cried, and her father looked down at her, hurt and uncertain. Sammy fell into Lee's chest, sobbing and clawing at him as though she were drowning. Lee and her father met eyes, and there was an unspoken question he seemed to be asking Lee: please take care of her.
Lee nodded, holding Sammy tight against him, leading her away from her parents and Riley laying dead in the hospital room. She fumbled, too caught up in her suffocating cries to focus on walking.
"Okay, Sammy," Lee said, lifting her up as both the crying women began to draw attention. She balled Lee's shirt in her fists, his leather jacket large and bulky around her. He bounced to try and get a better grip of her. "It's alright, Sammy. We're gonna go home. It's alright."
He glanced back at her parents one more time as the elevator dinged, watching as some nurses came over in a panic. Sammy's father was still watching them go, Lee's arms wrapped around and holding his baby girl. It was Lee's turn to make an unspoken promise, and he hoped her father would understand.
I will.
The elevator doors closed and Lee was alone with Sammy and her cries, her body folded against his chest.
"Sammy," he said, looking down at her. "Sammy, please breathe."
She either didn't hear him or didn't care to respond. She was weak, trembling, afraid to face the world alone. Afraid to face the walls of her house knowing that Riley had never seen them though she had wanted to. Afraid to face the pictures on her nightstand of Riley and her the day she was born knowing that the baby in those pictures was gone and never coming back.
The elevator opened and Lee tightened his grip on her even further and made his way out to the lobby, biting back his tears. He felt like an eternity had passed by since that night she offered him beer.
The guys stood from where they were waiting and their faces fell with the feeling of a mission failed. The nurses at the front desk watched on, concerned, sharing looks and whispers with each other. One of the older ones hurried out and met with Lee before he got to the guys.
"Is she alright?" She asked, reaching over for her wrist and checking her pulse.
"She just wants to go home," Lee said, offering her a kind smile.
The woman glanced down at the visitors badge and saw the room number for the pediatric ICU. She sighed. "Poor thing. It's a good thing she's got you."
Lee nodded, carrying her towards the guys and shaking his head. She was crying still, the sobs quiet and aching within her. Lee felt their pressure on his chest. The guys followed Lee out to the cars, unsure of how to feel or what to do- they didn't know her sister, or even Sammy for that matter, so what could they say to make anything better? What on earth could they possibly do?
"Gunner," Lee said, tossing him the keys. "Will you drive?"
He nodded, looking over Sammy in his arms. He felt bad for her. He nodded at Yang to climb into the passenger seat and started up the car. Lee slid into the back seat, cradling Sammy on his lap. He bent his lips down to her ear.
"Sammy?" He asked gently. "It's gonna be okay Sammy. Remember what I said? You're gonna be okay."
He kept whispering those little affirmations to her as they drove back to the airport, her eyes squeezed shut and pained. Her sobs faded into little weeps and eventually into occasional cries, but by the time they reached the plane she had quieted down and just shook against him. Barney pulled open the back door and looked at Lee, brows hanging low over his eyes.
"How is she?" He asked as Lee shifted out of the car, holding Sammy tight.
"Doing her best," Lee said, walking side by side with Barney to the plane.
"That's good," Barney said, looking down at her pressed against Lee. "Like a champ."
Lee smiled at his friend. He knew he had a soft spot.
Lee found a quiet corner of the plane and sat down, shifting Sammy in his lap so he could see her face. He ran his hands down her cheeks to clear them of tears, but her face was swollen and red. She opened her eyes and looked up at him. The whites of her eyes had gone red.
"Hey," Lee said, face hovering over hers. "We're going home."
She nodded, looking up at him. "She's gone, Lee."
"I know," he said, brushing her hair out of her face. "She's not in pain anymore."
"My mom-"
"Shh," Lee said, shaking his head. "Don't think about that right now. Focus on you. We're going home."
She nodded, lifting up a hand to close around his wrist so his hand stayed pressed against her cheek. She looked up at him, following his breaths, focusing on the brown of his eyes and the thin fading mark above his eyebrow.
"You're so amazing," he said as the plane rumbled to a start, the landing gear vibrating against the tarmac. "It's all gonna be okay."
She swallowed. It would be okay. It had to be okay.
"I'll make you some tea," he said. "We'll put on those old shows or something. I'll stay with you."
She nodded. That sounded nice.
Gunner, Caesar, and Toll watched from their seats. They couldn't hear anything he was saying, but he was holding her like he would never let her go. They could see him whispering to her, and could see her face as she reacted to everything. His hand was pressed to her cheek, his legs tucked beneath her, rocking her slightly side to side.
"Shame," Caesar said, shaking his head and looking down between his feet.
"She's a good kid," Toll said, sitting back with a sigh.
Gunner didn't say anything. He didn't how to.
The flight home was hauntingly quiet.
—-
By the time Lee had made the tea, Sammy had passed out in her bed. He pulled off his shirt and climbed in beside her, leaving the tea on the nightstand. He pulled her close and she didn't stir.
The air was heavy and humid around them. The sky was clear.