Apologies... because I'm gonna draaaaaaaag things out a little longer... :D
Chapter 6: The cabin
It was sometime after midnight when Deacon pulled up to the cabin, the car's headlights the only glow for miles. Quietly exiting the car, careful not to slam the door too hard and wake a still-sleeping Rayna, he jogged up to the dwelling, breath misting in the chilly night air. As he unlocked the doors and turned on the lights, he paused for a moment, casting a long look around the place. It was filled with so many memories, some good, some bad, some very hazy, but he always felt a deep sense of peace when he was here, and hoped that Rayna would feel the same, despite her last memories of this place being the very messy end of their relationship.
Back at the car, he opened Rayna's door, hesitating for a moment when he saw she was still fast asleep. Slowly, he undid her seatbelt, retracting it softly over her chest, gently slipping one arm under her thighs, and the other at the small of her back, easing her towards him. A small moan slipped from her lips, and reflexively she looped an arm around his neck, resting her head under his chin, eyes shut tight.
Rayna stayed as still as she could in Deacon's arms as he carried her carefully up to the cabin, pretending to still be asleep, wanting to exist in this weightless moment with him for a while longer. It wasn't the first time Deacon had carried her across this threshold, but it was certainly in very different circumstances to all the other times. The warmth inside settled around her like a shawl, the familiar smell of wood and slight mustiness from disuse hung in the air, the light thud of the door closing behind them the only sound. She felt Deacon pause for a few seconds, then he moved to the sofa, settling in to the soft cushions and holding her on his lap, firm and still.
Deacon knew that Rayna wasn't sleeping anymore. He'd felt her breathing change as he lifted her out of the car, but she'd stayed so still in his arms, he figured she wasn't ready to face anything just yet. For a moment, he'd considered tucking her straight into bed, but instead he found himself sinking into the sofa, still cradling her, resting his cheek on her hair.
"So much for distance." he muttered, hugging her that little bit closer, the smell and feel of her in his arms so familiar and so right.
They sat that way for what seemed like a blissful eternity, the air growing colder around them, neither one able to bring themselves to break the moment where anything was still possible, where nothing else mattered. The most truly intimate moment they'd shared in years.
Then, in a small voice, Rayna broke the silence. "Thank you for rescuing me tonight."
Deacon smiled wryly into her hair. "It felt good to finally be the one doing the rescuing for a change."
"Maybe wishes do come true." mused Rayna. "I did say earlier I wanted to be whisked off to a castle far, far away."
"Damn!" replied Deacon in amusement. "Did you say castle? I thought you said cabin."
"I also said handsome prince, but hey, ya get what ya get!" joked Rayna, earning herself a playful growl and a slap on the thigh from Deacon.
"Alright." Reluctantly, Deacon slid her off his lap, and stood up, pulling the blanket from the back of the couch down over her.
"Gotta light the fire. Ain't the warmest tonight."
He busied himself with stacking logs in the wood burner, searching for the matches, starting a fire. Rayna lay half prone on the couch, curled into a ball under the blanket, her empty gaze following his movements as she zoned out. She felt bone-tired and completely drained, but also like she could finally breathe again.
Deacon eventually returned to sit next to her, sliding a steaming cup of tea towards her on the coffee table. He blew on his tea, and took a sip before glancing over.
"We should probably talk."
She sat up and reached for her mug. "Yeah. I know. But... is it ok if we don't tonight? I don't even want to think about anything at all. Not just yet. I just want to..." she waved a hand in the air, then sighed, clutching her mug tightly.
He nodded in understanding. Silence and brooding. Now that was definitely something he was good at.
They sat like that for a while, Deacon eventually getting up to stoke the fire and fetch his guitar before settling into the armchair and plucking a soft eerie tune. When he glanced back over at Rayna, she was lying on her side, hands clasped by her chin, eyelids heavy.
"Ray, honey, you should get yourself to bed."
She met Deacon's concerned stare. "Y'know, I think I just want to stay put tonight."
"You want me to stay out here with ya?"
"Naw, you go to bed."
Deacon stood up and stretched. He reached for another blanket that was folded on the ottoman, and gently laid it on top of her.
"Just so you don't get cold." Giving her shoulder a squeeze, he headed off into the bedroom. "Night, Ray."
The bed was cold and it took Deacon several long, lonely minutes to warm it up. It felt strange, lying in here, and Rayna out there. Of all the nights at the cabin, and all the fights, they'd never slept apart while they were under this roof together. Of course, this was the first time they'd been up here for the night together in a long, long time. And things were different. But underneath it all, still the same. They had a lot to sort through, but it felt like just maybe they'd turned a corner and he couldn't help the hope that bubbled up inside him at what that might mean for them.
Morning dawned, quiet and fresh, and Deacon could sense the stillness in the air even before he rolled out of bed. Uneasiness prickled his skin as he headed into the living area.
A folded blanket on the sofa in place of where Rayna had been.
Jogging to the front windows, his stomach slammed into his feet as he saw her car was no longer parked out front.
She was gone.
Swearing loudly and wretchedly, he ran his hands through his hair, all his hope from the previous night disappearing like smoke in the wind. He wasn't sure what he had been expecting, bringing her up here in the first place. A romantic resolution hadn't been at the forefront of his mind, he had just wanted to sweep her away from her life for a little while, wipe that concern off her beautiful face, smooth things out between them, have a little time together.
Last night she'd seemed happy enough to be here, she certainly hadn't given him any indication to the contrary. And for a fleeting moment, things had felt so right, like a little snapshot of how things could be, how easily they fit together, how comfortable they were together when the rest of the world was stripped away.
But of course, in the harsh light of day, everything must have looked very different to Rayna. This place must be too much for her to bear. There was so much going on for her right now, and the last thing she needed was to be stuck up at this cabin with him and all the painful memories.
Gutted, he swiped a hand over his face, kicking himself for believing that a new door to old love had opened.
Stupid.
It was stupid of him to think like that. Had he not just spent the past weeks trying to maintain distance because he knew she didn't feel the same for him anymore? And now after one night he'd been ready to throw himself back into her, surrender himself to her all over again without a second thought.
Should have seen it coming. It seemed that he was doomed to never learn when it came to her.
He heaved a shaky sigh, biting hard on the inside of his cheek. And to rub salt in the wound, he now didn't have any transport back to the city. Not that he could face that life right now anyway. It would be better for him to stay up here for a while and practice that damn distance.
Half an hour later, he was showered, dressed, and nursing a steaming coffee on the porch, the amazing view with the morning sun sparkling on the water doing little to ease the wrenching pain in his chest. The sound of crunching gravel broke through his thoughts, and to his surprise, he saw Rayna's car pulling up alongside the house.
Swinging herself out of the driver's seat, she flicked him a happy wave.
"Gimme a hand?"
Bewildered, he stared for a long while trying to understand what she was doing here, before finally giving himself a shake and striding over. She shoved a paper bag laden with groceries into his arms, and grabbed another herself.
"Supplies!" she grinned. "I'm starving."
Confusion still marred his features. "Uh, you… you're here? I thought… I thought you'd gone back to the city?"
Rayna stopped in her tracks. "You thought I'd gone back to the city?" she echoed. "And left you stranded up here? Without even telling you?" She looked at him like he was insane. "I can't believe you'd think that! Taking off without a word - now that's something you'd do."
Tossing him a playful grin, she bounced into the cabin, Deacon floating along behind, his heart almost bursting with relief.
This damn emotional rollercoaster that was Rayna Jaymes – it'd be the death of him for sure.
Once inside, they set the bags down in the kitchen and started unpacking the groceries.
"About the city, though Deac, we can go back today if you want to? I mean, you did an amazing thing for me last night by getting me away from all that, but I don't want you to feel like now you're stuck up here with me. You've probably got a whole bunch of stuff you gotta do, places to be..."
"Ain't got nothin' else to do, Ray. Nowhere to be. You know I love it up here." He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "What about you, though? You ok being here? Y'know...?"
Rayna knew all too well what he meant. Sure, the last times they'd been together here had been awful and heart breaking with Deacon in the throes of addiction, but she'd still loved him desperately through all of that and beyond, and those rough times were few and far between when compared to all the beautiful, amazing ones they'd had together.
"I still love this place. I always will. So, yeah, I'm glad to be here. But... what about Stacey though?" ventured Rayna. "Can't imagine she'd be too happy with this?"
"Uh..." Deacon scratched his head uncomfortably. "...me and Stacey, we broke up. Couple weeks back."
It only just occurred to Deacon as he said it out loud that it was probably no coincidence that he'd split with his girlfriend just after he'd found out about Rayna's divorce.
"Oh. Oh, well I'm sorry to hear that." Rayna managed somewhat sincerely. "She seemed really nice."
"Yeah. She was nice. She just wasn't-"
The word 'you' swung obvious and unspoken between them, and Deacon let it, a deep intensity burning in his eyes.
Rayna managed to tear her gaze away and quickly tried to move the conversation along.
"Well, Teddy's got the girls til Sunday, so I don't have to be back in the city until then, if that's ok with you?"
Was it ok? It was only Thursday. Three whole days alone with Rayna. Deacon couldn't think of anything that had sounded so good.
"Sure, that's alright with me." He attempted to sound casual but didn't really pull it off, so tried to busy himself with unpacking the last of the bags.
"Uh... what's this?" he questioned, holding up a plastic wrapped 3 pack of one-size-fits-all white cotton briefs.
Rayna flushed and snatched it from him. "I don't have any clothes up here! Had to get something!"
"Not your usual style." he smirked, raising an arm to block a swipe from Rayna.
"Well they didn't exactly have a big range at the 7/11!"
Deacon's smile faded. "You know... there's still some of your stuff in a drawer in the bedroom."
"Really? Like what?"
"Dunno. Bits and pieces I found 'round the place." he shrugged hesitantly. "I just shoved 'em in a drawer and never did anything about it."
"Huh." Rayna narrowed her eyes at him. "That's a long time to keep hold of someone else's stuff."
"Yeah? Well it's also a long time to leave your crap at someone else's place." countered Deacon.
They shared a grin and a laugh, then Deacon shook his head and laid a pan on the hob to fry up some bacon while Rayna set a fresh pot of coffee to brew.
"I didn't sleep with him."
Deacon froze at her words, carefully keeping his eyes on the pan in front of him.
"Who?" He knew who she meant, but he wanted to hear it. Be sure.
"Liam."
"You didn't? But you said..."
"No, you assumed." Rayna corrected him sternly. "And I didn't have the energy to tell you otherwise because Teddy had just dropped the divorce on me."
Deacon was silent as this information sank in.
"Liam and I are friends. Just friends. Ah, but-" she held up a finger and looked sheepish. Best to get all the cards on the table now, just in case. "I did kiss him. Briefly. But..." she shot a look at Deacon and coloured a little before chancing the next part. "...that was just because I was trying to get you off my mind after the elevator and the photoshoot. Didn't work."
Deacon's brows shot up. Things were starting to rearrange themselves in his head with her revelation. Maybe he'd been a little off base with his assumptions about Rayna and Liam, his worries unfounded. Hope wasted no time in rapidly blossoming inside him again.
Each focusing on their tasks in the kitchen, they were quiet for a while as they reflected on these admissions, the gravity of the unspoken confirmation that there were no significant others for either one of them hanging heavily in the air.
"I'm just going to go see what stuff I have here." Rayna quickly excused herself before the weight of that moment started to crush her. It hadn't even been 12 hours since she'd been here with Deacon and already it felt like she was slip-sliding straight back into him. She wanted to put the brakes on, make sure that she didn't jump headfirst into anything with him. Things were complicated and they'd tried so many times to make this work, that she wanted to be sure that if and when they took that heady leap into one another that it would be the last one they'd ever take, that it would be forever.
It only took two guesses to find the right drawer. And as soon as Rayna pulled it open, she almost wished she hadn't. Running her fingers reverently through the items of clothing, she felt a nostalgic tug on her heart. Every piece conjured up a vivid memory of her and Deacon, even though they'd been sitting unused for more than a decade.
This t-shirt from her second album with her face printed on it that she used to wear around as a laugh;
That pyjama set with dogs wearing Santa hats he'd given her one Christmas;
This pair of socks with turkeys she'd given him one Thanksgiving that she'd ended up claiming for herself as her feet were always cold;
That white tank top with the red wine stain where he'd knocked her glass out of her hand in a drunken rage.
She slammed the drawer quickly. She wasn't ready to look at all these things. Not just yet.
The jumble of memories and emotions were starting to muddy the waters in her head again. First, she needed to smooth things over with Deacon, sort out what was going on with them in the present moment before she allowed herself to dip into the past, and then dive into the future.
Taking a deep breath, she steadied herself before heading back out to the kitchen.
"Find it?" Deacon asked as he scrambled some eggs.
"Yup." Rayna flashed him a bright smile. "Few memories in there!"
"And out here." Deacon's voice sounded far away as he gazed wistfully around the living area for a moment, then caught himself, turning back to the task at hand.
Rayna gave herself a quick shake, hoping they wouldn't drown in the deep waters of everything that had passed between them before.
"What do you want me to do?" she gestured to the pans on the stove.
Deacon laughed. Rayna was notorious for her terrible cooking. "Stay the hell outta the kitchen."
"Hey!" Rayna said in mock offense as she took a seat on one of the bar stools. "My cooking has gotten a lot better, I'll have you know! I've had years of practice with Maddie and Daphne."
"What, like heating up SpaghettiOs?" he teased.
"And making peanut butter sandwiches." she grinned back.
Deacon pushed a mug of coffee across the counter to her. "I think I'll just take care of the cooking for the time being, if that's alright."
Sipping thoughtfully for a minute, Rayna set the cup back down. It was time to clear the air.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the divorce." she started. "I wanted to. I wanted you to be the first to know, but I also knew that I needed to keep you out of it. Keep this-" she waved a hand between the two of them, "-separate from that. Things with Teddy haven't been right for a long time."
She sighed, and then found it all pouring like water out of her, from growing apart with Teddy months ago, right up until the split. It felt good to let it out, to be able to speak candidly for once.
Deacon listened quietly, letting her speak, knowing she needed to.
She'd only just finished as he passed her a plate of bacon and eggs, standing opposite her on the other side of the bench.
"Sorry I kissed ya." Deacon said, shifting his eggs around with his fork. "Well, I'm not. I'm just sorry that I put you in that position. You had so much going on, it wasn't fair."
"No! No Deac, Teddy and I had grown apart long ago. What happened with us probably helped me to realise that. Helped me to realise what I really want."
"Which is?" asked Deacon, slowly, hopefully.
Rayna chewed on her bottom lip, her eyes on the ceiling. "Happiness. Love. Y'know. The stuff songs are made of."
Deacon sure knew a bit about that.
He so desperately wanted to scoop her up right then and kiss her until neither of them could breathe, but by the way she was avoiding his eyes, he knew there was still something holding her back from him. Something that she was still working through. As difficult as it was, he knew he had to play the long game, give her the time that she needed to make her mind up, be patient until she was ready. Near half of Deacon's damn life had been waiting around for Rayna Jaymes. He sure as shit could wait a tiny little bit longer for her.
Let her come to him.
With a little encouragement, of course.