Chapter 6: A Red Mage's Determination (Alisaie)

Nothing. That was what it was all amounting to.

Nothing.

All useless information that they had come back with and though she continuously held out hope that surely they could find something, anything, before long… she watched as it all burned up into a little pile of ashes in her hands. How could they have let this happened? Aren't they supposed to be smarter than this? They studied in Sharlayan for gods' sake! The famous nation of learning, with some of them even as highly trained and studied Archons, yet even they were returning empty-handed.

She met with her brother and most of the others at the Crystal Tower—with having searched practically everywhere else, the Tower was really all they had left in this entire forsaken world that could give them answers. Urianger had showed them everything that he could, though he confessed that he didn't have the key to the Exarch's most private inner most chamber. But even then, he doubted that anything in that room could aid them here.

Alisaie had even tried to break into the room herself but gave up when she realized that when they said all but indestructible crystal, they weren't kidding. Instead, they met in the main chamber, where they usually met up in, as they showed each other what they found.

Her brother had searched over just about every book he could find in Eulmore; where he told them of what he did learn about sin eaters, but Vauthry wasn't the type to keep detailed records. Eulmore was no help to them here.

Alisaie sighed at that, and given up on Amh Araeng ever giving up any information from the ruins. She had merely told the others what the people at the Inn told her in their regular care of their patents. At hearing that, Thancred suddenly asked, "What is her favorite food, anyway?"

"Hot chocolate," Alphinaud answered right away, his eyes now drooping heavily, obviously not following Thancred's trail of thought.

"Shut up," Alisaie said, and she looked up glaring at them, furious that they would even dare entertain such thoughts. "I will not discuss this! I'm not going to stand here and let you even talk about possibly poisoning her."

"No one is suggesting that we do that," Thancred said wearily, now tired of all the fighting and bickering. "But everyone seems keen on ignoring the fact of what will happen otherwise."

"How dare you?"

"There's nothing else that we can do until she wakes up," he answered sharply back, his words as cruel as the sting of a whip. "And then what? What will we tell her? We've got nothing to show for our time here. Nothing at all. Unless you think that we try to head out to the Tempest without her and rescue the Exarch on our own? Which I don't recommend right now."

"Why not?" she demanded.

"We can't just dive to the bottom of the ocean," Alphinaud reasoned.

"You can't, but I can," she retorted.

"You aren't doing this on your own!" he shot back.

"Well, how about you, Thancred?" she shot back to the rogue turned gunbreaker, who shook his head.

"You really think that you can face down an Ascian alone?" Thancred pointed out. "Besides, as strong as a swimmer that I am, I can't hold my breath nearly that long."

"If I have to do it alone, I will," Alisaie retorted back, now wanting to tear her hair out for lack of anything else to do. "She would do it for me if she thought that I needed it! That I know! And here's something else that I also know, that she deserves more than our resignation to inevitability. Can you count the number of times she saved our lives? How can we not risk ours for her when she needs us the most? And, I swear to each of the gods here, if the only hope we have for saving her rests at the bottom of the gods-damned ocean than I better get my swimsuit!"

"Before you take the plunge so to speak, I suggest that we discuss this all over with everyone," Y'shtola countered before the fighting could get any worse. They all looked to her as she answered back, "I sent Ryne to pick up Urianger. They contacted me a little while ago and were waylaid by sin eaters on the way but they'll both be back by tomorrow. We'll use this time to really think about what our options, limited though they may be, and then come to some kind of conclusion. Because us running about isn't helping anyone, much less her."

They all looked down at that, knowing that she was right and they all agreed at that.

"Well, in that case, I'll head out into Lakeland again one more time," Thancred offered as he stretched out his arms. "See if I didn't overlook anything or something. I'll escort the others back here too while I'm at it, so we'll all meet up this time tomorrow. Honestly, something tells me that this is our last chance."

"Last chance?" Alisaie repeated in confusion as he sighed.

"Ryne," he explained. "She said that Claire's aether seems to be flowing… somewhat normally again. She had a feeling that it shouldn't be too much longer before she finally wakes up. At least, that's what we're hoping for."

The twins both grew pale at that and looked down. As much as they had been hoping and praying for their friend to wake up, with this news it suddenly felt that they were only going to be greeting her with failure.

"Alright then," he said to the three of them. "You lot keep watch over the city and… everything else. We'll be back soon, that's all that I can say."

Y'shtola nodded and wished him a safe journey and to contact them if anything happens. Thancred gave a wave and left them as Y'shtola turned to the twins.

"I'll stay here at the tower and see what other information I can gleam," she told them. "You both feel free to use this time productively. Keep an eye on Claire for me, please?"

The twins agreed and left the tower feeling more dejected than ever. Once the doors closed behind them and they were heading down the stairs together, the feeling of a darkened cloud hanging over them was now so strong that it was a little dizzying when they looked up to see the light-filled clouds instead of the storm ones that they felt.

"How about… we take shifts?" her brother offered as they walked across the courtyard. "One of us watch over Claire for now, and the other will… I don't, keep researching?"

Alisaie didn't even want to argue anymore and just agreed. She offered to take the first shift and went immediately back to the Pendants to watch over Claire as her brother headed back to the Cabinet with his head down so low that it was a wonder that he could see anything in front of him.

Not that she paid too much attention. She just felt that with every step she took a voice in her head just repeated such words over and over.

Failure… liar… betrayer… weakling… pathetic.

She tried to even cover her ears in a desperate attempt to block out the voices but they continued on until she entered the Pendants. As soon as she stepped into the room, the first thing she did was make sure that the doors on the windows were tightly shut so that not even the tiniest trace of light could enter. It wasn't much, but she felt that she was somehow helping to protect them from it just by keeping it all closed.

When she realized that she had nothing else to distract herself, she took her usual seat by her friend's bedside and looked on.

Not again… she didn't want to see this again.

To watch a friend succumb to the Light's corruption had been unbearable when it happened to Tesleen… but this was even worse. To watch this happening to her, of all people, and not know how to help was the worse she felt since she learned of Grandfather leaving them.

Alisaie dabbed at her forehead with a cool cloth, though she knew that there was no fever, it was better than nothing.

How could it have happened?

The Warrior of Light always seemed to be… indestructible. At least, to her eyes.

She had seen how she fought against countless powerful foes and primals before, but this was the first time that she was ever… vulnerable to them. Alisaie how she could not noticed how their friend was suffering before now? Or did she notice it a just chose not to pay any attention? Just believe that she would be strong enough to hold the Light back? What would she have done if she had known from the start that this would happen? But then again, what choice did they have? This world was dying and just about everyone here had surrendered onto the idea that they were doomed and chose to live out their days until the end.

But just that tiny taste of the night sky was all that they needed to relight the fires of hope in their hearts and give them a reason to keep going.

Even now, the people are determined to hold onto that hope that the Warrior of Darkness would push the Light back and find a way to save them. They know now, beyond the shadow of a doubt that the sky was still there, those stars are waiting for them beyond that bright sky and they just had to hold on long enough until they are torn down again.

Alisaie had done her best to hold onto that hope as well while she hunted for a cure, searching high and low, and she must have crossed over every trace of land left in that infernal desert in the process. She even crossed over into the Empty, desperate for something that they could do before she remembered that there was nothing but countless malms of lifeless sand.

She had been angry with Urianger, but more than anything else, she was angry that she hadn't taken Claire's predicament more seriously. She believed that she could do it, that she could save the First from the Light like she had done with every other challenge that stood in their way.

She was the Warrior of Light for a reason! She was strong, she never broke until now… but it wasn't until that moment she saw her fall after her victory with Vauthry did Alisaie finally realize what a horrible mistake she had made. When she watched the glowing light being cough up, she remembered Tesleen and how her eyes were wide with agony before she transformed into that empty creature…? The image of Claire now in that position scared her more than anything else and yet she could not find a way to put a stop to it.

Why? Why was she so… helpless when it came to wanting to save and protect those she loved most? It just felt like how it didn't matter what she said or did, no matter how hard she would fight and train, she would never be strong enough to protect anyone.

After all, if their hero could fall, then what hope did she, herself, have?

Ryne was all they had left of keeping the Light sealed up, however even her great powers had their limitations and she was still learning to wield them. No one wanted to say it; for they all were terrified at the very idea of allowing themselves to even entertain the idea… but the fact was that she knew that Thancred was right. They needed a backup plan for if the Warrior of Light were to awaken as a Lightwarden… it would be the most frightening foe that they could ever face.

"But I won't leave," she muttered. Alphinaud had recently took up the habit of reading at her bedside, hoping that she could hear it and know that she wasn't alone. Alisaie was trying to fight the tears as she began to talk out loud, as if Claire could hear her.

Alisaie wasn't sure if there was any point since it looked like Claire wasn't aware of anything around her, but if what Ryne said was true and she was slowly beginning to regain consciousness then maybe now she…?

"You don't need to worry about us for now," Alisaie said as she rested her head on the bed. "The people are eagerly waiting for their hero to return. But you don't need to push yourself if you aren't ready. They're making everything work… for now. There is still hope here, they haven't given up yet. So… so you don't need to worry about getting up. You're probably still so tired… so… take your time and rest. You'll need your full strength for the challenges ahead. So…?"

Alisaie went on speaking for some time, telling her about the state of the world, about how the people are doing their best to help and everything else that was going on. The one thing she didn't speak of was…?

Well, what point would there be in lying right now?

Alisaie fell silent for a long time as her worries and fears began to rise up inside her as she continued to think about what was quietly brewing in front of her.

"Claire…?" she asked quietly, doing her best not to break down. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

She screwed up her face as her shoulders shook and she went on, "But… the truth is… I don't know what we can do to help you. We've been searching, but deep down we all know that there is no cure. Everyone knows that. Surely it would have been found after all this time. We've failed you… again."

Alisaie was breathing hard and rubbing her stinging eyes as she tried to find some kind of justification but all she could see was the fact that the one time that their friend needed them in her most desperate hour of need… and they had failed her.

"But, as selfish as it is, a part of me just refuses to give up believing that you can still fight it," she confessed with a crack in her voice. "I know that it's unfair to you, but, after seeing you pull off miracle after miracle, please, just grant me one more just this one last time. You have to hold on long enough until an answer comes to us."

She wasn't sure if she was being unreasonable at this instant, but it comforted her to think that she could hear them and was now trying her best to fight on.

"Do you remember that day back in Limsa?" she went on, "When we went to go and visit Ga Bu together? How I was telling you how powerless I had felt? You remember what you said?"

She smiled at the memory and answered, "You said: You still have me. And that is true. I wasn't alone. I was so grateful for that and I honestly didn't know what I would have done without you around. And so… as selfish as it is... I need you to still be here for me and I will be there for you for as long as I can. So please… please… don't you dare… don't you dare leave me like this. Got it?"

Alisaie wiped her eyes as she kept reliving those moments over and over in her mind from that day. Urianger's words seemed to echo inside her head as she tried to come to terms with all that they learned in recent days. In one moment, their hopes for the future had all gone up in smoke. How did it go so wrong, so fast?

Images of Tesleen played themselves over in her mind and she shuddered at the thought. She thought of that kind face being twisted with agony as she was forced to transform…? Would Claire look the same?

Her shoulders shook at the thought, praying that she never be forced to see that image again.

Her dark thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a knock at the door and she raised her head in time to find Alphinaud sticking his head in to check. She quickly wiped her eyes when he closed the door behind him and turned head away before he noticed.

But not soon enough for her to not notice the grave look on his face—signaling that he had, once again, come back empty handed.

"How is she doing?" he asked and Alisaie just sighed as she looked at her. She heard her brother let out a despairing sigh at the sight and muttered, "Still no change, I see."

"It's been nearly a fortnight now and barely any improvements," Alisaie said numbly. "But Ryne said that she was starting to show signs of awakening?"

"Yes, but we also have to remember about making sure that she rests as much as possible," he added gently. "She needs it. Because who knows what's happened inside her after… after all that?"

Why did they have to push her so hard to help save this world? And now look at what that got them? She had searched her mind for anything that may help, to free her from this pain… if it worked, she would have gladly volunteered herself to take her place and just fade from here. But she knew that she would have turned long before absorbing that light. Grow strong enough to protect those she loved? Yeah right, Alisaie knew that she was too weak to do anything but stand by and be helpless. Just like right now.

She felt her brother place a hand on her shoulder, trying to convince her to go and get some rest.

"I'll be fine," Alisaie countered, "I'll stay a little longer."

"Alisaie, you need to rest too," he chastised, "I'll stay here with her for now. You go and just rest for a little while. If something happens, I'll come and get you. But please, you need to take care of yourself too."

"I know," she said irritably, rubbing her face in exhaustion.

"It's hard, but we have to try and stay hopeful," he tried to reason reassuringly. "We'll all keep looking but I know that she wouldn't want to see you make yourself sick over her. So why don't you go and rest just for…?"

But he wasn't even able to finish his sentence as she suddenly slapped his hand away from her and she leapt up so suddenly that she knocked the seat over. She didn't know why, but suddenly she felt this great surge of anger rising up inside her for his words as she glared at him.

"Stay hopeful?" she demanded, her body trembling as he stared at her with wide eyes. "How do you expect us to do that? Here she is, lying here close to death or worse, and you're saying that we have to just keep going on and hope it all gets better? Don't lie to me like this now, brother!"

He blinked, clearly taken aback by her stinging words as she felt tears welling up inside her and she went on, her voice starting to crack, "I know you were always the clever one here, but even I can see that we're still nowhere near to finding a way to help her!"

She couldn't just pretend that they were on the right track and that they were sure to find something in time. She had seen enough last meals at the inn to know that pretending otherwise wasn't going to help anyone. But more than anything, she just couldn't stand the thought of holding onto hope when they were all but running around with nothing to show for it.

And she wasn't going to be the one to give Claire the false hope when she wakes up. If no one else was going to do it, she would stand up and give her the hard truth because lying was the last thing she wanted to do to her.

Alphinaud continued to stare at her before she saw a flash of anger in his eyes.

"Then what do you want me to say?" he asked coldly, "I'm not just going to stand back and wait for her to become a sin eater! We have to keep trying and I know that there has to be a way out there! We just have to find it."

"How?!" she shot back.

"I don't know, but it's better than sitting here doing nothing," he countered. "I refuse to give up on her like that! She's never given up on us so why should we do that to her now?!"

But he had gone too far.

She charged at him and grabbed him by the collar just as she did that day in Il Mheg and was practically snarling as she hissed, "I don't ever wanna hear you say that again. Don't you dare say for even a minute that I'm giving up!"

The two glared at each other long and hard before she just pushed him away. She couldn't stand looking at him anymore and just ran for the door. At the sight of her running for it, Alphinaud snapped out of it and tried to yell for her to stop, but she had already slammed the door behind her so hard that it caused the items on the nearby table to rattle and shake.

Regret filled him the moment he stared at the door and he suddenly wished that he had taken better care of his words.

But deep down, he knew that she was right. It was pointless to lie to themselves like this. Why… why did this have to happen? He whimpered as he went back to the side of the bed and picked the chair up from the floor that Alisaie knocked over in anger. He just sat down and took his friend's hand in his own, holding it tightly between his hands as he remembered the day when they were reunited in Kholusia after over a year apart—at least from his perspective.

"My friend…" he whispered softly, unable to bring himself to say her name as tears began to fall. He just held onto her hand as if it were an anchor that was keeping him steady and sobbed quietly, "I don't know what to do."

He just cried, his head bowed low so he didn't see the tear that was gently falling from beneath closed eyelids and down her cheek… as if she also felt sadness from seeing them fight.

Little did anyone else know was that Alisaie did go as far. She was standing outside with her back to the door and listening to her brother's heartfelt words. Hearing them caused shame to well up inside her as she slid to the floor, hugging her knees to her chest and no longer caring who saw her at that moment. She buried her face in her knees and sobbed to herself as she rested her forehead against her knees, feeling more and more like a scared and lost little girl.

Up till now they always talked about how they needed her… the Warrior of Light. How they needed her strength to help save the world or solve these unsolvable problems… but the fact is that while they all needed her… they didn't stop to think that maybe the Warrior of Darkness, or Claire Faye, was the one who really needed them.

Especially now…

"Please gods… don't take her from us… it would destroy us," she pleaded, hoping that whoever was listening would take pity on them.