CHAPTER 6

SEX WARNING!

Skylar knew Roger hadn't meant it. He was just upset and couldn't stop the words from coming out. But she didn't listen to that reasoning. She chose to hold onto her anger and slipped back into the pattern she had with him when they first met.

He had gone back to Brianna the next day and apologized profusely for his accusations. Bree was quick to accept him, but Skylar still had little to do with him for weeks after. When she was forced to be around him to see her sister or have Jemmy and Ollie play, she wouldn't speak to him or acknowledge him. After going through this with her the first time, Roger knew that trying to talk to her would do more harm than good. So he let her be and waited until she was ready for him to approach her.

As angry as she was at Roger for using Ian's absence in Ollie's life against her, she was even more mad that it was the truth. She had been holding onto that shred of hope that Ian would come back, but after Ollie's birthday came and went without him, that hope vanished and she knew he was never coming back. Trying to accept it hurt more than she could put into words, but hearing someone else say it to her made it a thousand times worse.

So she just leaned into her anger and spent as little time around Roger as she possibly could.

In early July, something good that happened in the midst of her pain was when Jamie came home. Skylar had walked out of the house that day and, when she saw him standing on the porch with Claire, she cried, "Dad!" in total joy, and jumped on him, hugging tight around him like a koala. Jamie laughed and held her against him. He kissed her head and then she finally let go.

With a huge smile, she asked, "Are you going to be home longer than last time?"

"Aye, much longer. Governor Tryon has issued pardons fer the Regulators. He doesna want a war."

"Are you serious? That's amazing! And when you say 'pardons for the Regulators,' does that extend to all the Regulators?"

Jamie's face dropped to more serious. "No. No, he, uh, is still after Murtagh's head. He has his Redcoats still on his trail."

"What the hell is his problem? If he's showing mercy to all, then he should mean all."

"I think he still wants to use Murtagh as a warning to the others. That this is what could've happened to them, or will happen should they try to rebel again," Claire guessed. She touched Jamie's arm. "At least you're no longer leading the hunt. You're able to be home with your family."

"Wait, so if there's no more war or militia, does this means Fergus is back too?" Skylar questioned.

"That he is. He went to his cabin te be with Marsali and Germain, but he'll be comin' over later wi' them fer dinner tenight." Skylar's smile grew again. "All of the men are verra happy te be back te their own homes and families. I ken they've missed them all greatly."

Skylar's grin faltered once more. "So, all of the men that went with you are back? All of them?" Jamie nodded.

"It'll be nice to have the whole community again," Claire said. "I dare say it was feeling a bit empty with half the tenants away."

"Yeah, yeah. This-this is great. I can't wait to see everyone again."

Skylar's heart started beating faster. With everyone returning, that also meant Benjamin had as well. The conversation she had with Bree and Marsali over his feelings for her flashed back in her head.

Damn it. I don't want to hurt him but I need to tell him the truth. What's the nicest way to put it? It's not you, it's me and the trauma of my husband leaving me to be a Mohawk forever.

She was suddenly brought out of her head by something furry touching her leg, making her shriek from surprise. But that split second of panic quickly subsided when she looked down and saw it had been a kitten rubbing up against her.

"Oh my goodness!" she exclaimed and bent down to the tiny all grey animal. "Who is this?"

"Our newest resident," Jamie answered with a chuckle. "His name is Adso. I came across him in Hillsboro. He was all alone in an alley and I couldna leave him there."

"Well, aren't you just the cutest sweetest little thing." Skylar picked him up and held him gently in her arms. "Omigod, Ollie's going to lose his mind. Yeah, I hope you're okay with being hug attacked by a one year old."

Skylar was right. She brought Ollie over to meet Adso and the pure joy the little boy felt from the cat radiated off of him. He was babbling nonstop and squealing from unadulterated delight while exclaiming, "Dog! Dog! Dog!" over and over. Skylar made a mental note that she needed to start working on the word "cat" with him. She made sure he was gentle when petting Adso so he wouldn't squish him from over excited taps. His smile never left his face and his eyes were the brightest they'd ever been. It made Skylar so happy and light to see him so happy. She was even able to forget about Roger's words for a while.

But the bad feelings came rushing back that night when everyone gathered for dinner. Skylar was so happy to have her brother back and she didn't want to ruin the positive mood of the reunion, so she just made sure she had no interaction with Roger and acted like he wasn't there.

As much as she was trying to mask her tension through chatting, joking, and laughing, the others at the table were able to pick up on it. Especially from the awkwardness Roger was projecting. No one brought it up through, for the same reason Skylar didn't and dampen the night.

Claire did try to talk to her about it after everyone had left and they were alone in the kitchen.

"Skylar, did something happen between you and Roger?"

"What do you mean?"

"You didn't say a single word to him all night. I don't think you even looked at him once." Skylar just shrugged. "What happened? The two of you have been getting along so well ever since Ollie was born."

She took a big breath and answered, "He said the wrong thing at the wrong time."

"Care to explain?"

"Look, it's...whatever. I just don't wanna deal with him right now." She went to leave but Claire blocked her.

"Skylar," she said firmly, emphasizing that neither of them were going anywhere until she got the whole story.

Skylar crossed her arms and sighed. "When I went to find him after he walked out on Bree that day, you know what I'm talking about right?" Claire nodded. "Yeah, well, when I found him, we started fighting and I said he was being stupid and was tearing apart the only family Jemmy's ever known, and fuck biology, just love your son. And then he..." she looked off to the side, "he said that I can't tell him what to do because Ollie doesn't have a father and he never will."

Claire's mouth dropped. "He said what?"

"Yeah. I know that he was really angry and probably didn't mean it but...I just don't really wanna have anything to do with him for a bit."

"I'm going to go talk to him tomorrow. It doesn't matter if he said it out of anger, that is just mean and he knows too well how it would affect-"

"Claire, seriously, it's whatever. Please don't talk to him about this. I'm trying to move on from it, I just...I just need a bit more time."

As much as she wanted to intervene, Claire understood by now that when Skylar made a decision about something, nothing could change her mind, no matter what Claire would say. "Well...please then, if you need to talk anything out in the meantime, come to me. Promise?"

"I promise."

A week had gone by since that night and Skylar was nowhere closer to making peace with Roger. She knew she was being petty and spiteful, and that she should just listen to the apology that was written in his face whenever she was around him. But it felt so much easier to be mad at Roger for what he said than to feel the agony at the truth in what he said.

But this day specifically, the sadness was overpowering the anger. She asked Claire if she could watch Ollie for a while and Claire said, "Of course. Where are you off to?"

"There's something I need to go do, and I need to do it alone."

Claire was definitely concerned, but didn't ask any more questions. Skylar kissed Ollie's head and walked out.

She went into the woods in the direction of Bree and Roger's cabin, but that was not her destination. She stopped for a moment when what she had been looking for came into view. She took a slow breath and continued towards it.

It was just as she remembered. The tree with half its trunk covered in moss and near the base of it were her and Ian's initials still carved into the bark.

Staring at the letters, she could already feel the tears stinging her eyes.

She felt such an urge to run away as she thought, Why am I here? I'm being ridiculous. It's not like he can hear me in fucking New York if I talk to a damn tree. I should just go.

But she didn't move. It was like her feet were frozen to the ground and it wasn't possible for her to take a single step. She stayed and just stared at the I.M + S.K.

He remembered when she made it. They had all just arrived on Fraser's Ridge and this had been the first day in a long time she and Ian had had a minute alone. She told him that she wanted to carve their initials so that they would be together for all time, as cheesy as it was.

That's when I thought we would be together for all time though. Now I just want to erase this.

She stood, staring in silence for another couple minutes before she finally had the courage to speak like she had come here to do.

"Hi, Youngin'. God, it…i-it feels weird to say that. I haven't said that since...well, since the last time I saw you." She hugged around her waist and cleared her throat. She didn't understand why she felt so nervous talking to nothing. "I, um, wanted to come and say…happy anniversary. We were married two years ago today. I guess me coming here is just an anniversary thing since the last time I did, it was last year on this day." She let out a dry laugh and sat down in front of the tree. "And a year later I'm still talking like you're dead. I know you're not dead. You're just…far far away from here, still alive and living a whole other life." She paused for a long time before continuing. "I-I-I don't even know why I wanted to come here. I guess I thought, maybe it would make me feel better to just, like, act like I'm talking to you? Maybe something inside me thinks that you can hear me somehow, or feel me when I'm here which is completely idiotic. And now I'm rambling." She exhaled slowly and closed her eyes, rubbing the back of her neck. "I guess what I want to say is that, even though you're not dead, I haven't felt very alive since you left. When I lost you, it was like my life ended. It's still a fight to breathe every day, or move, or live. But I do. I have to. Every day, I get up and keep breathing and moving and living for our son. Ollie is the best thing in my life and I have to stay strong for him." A small smile crept over her face. "He looks just like you, you know. His curly red hair, his contagious smile, his bright blue eyes. I know you don't know what clones are, but he is literally your mini clone. It's crazy. And it breaks my heart that you aren't here to see it. Or see him growing up to be just like you, because I already know he will. He's so smart and loving, and he's so eager to just...go and explore. He's trying so hard to walk and once he does, I swear, there's no stopping him. That adventurousness, he definitely got it from you. And also, I mean, his first word was dog, for Christ's sake. He would be just as obsessed with Rollo as you are." She laughed quietly and it turned into a sigh. "I'm trying to hold it together for Ollie but I don't know how much more I can take. It's like I'm in a million tiny pieces by the time I go to bed. Then I try to heal overnight, but when I wake up I start cracking all over again. And those cracks are being held together by flimsy little bandaids that fall off one by one during the day until I'm, once more, in pieces." She sniffed and wiped the couple tears coming down her face. She didn't realize she had started crying until she stopped to catch her breath and felt that her face was wet. She swallowed, then said, "I, um...I-I didn't expect all of that to come out. I guess I just really needed to say it out loud because, Christ, keeping it all inside is getting unbearable. I just know that if I do ever let it all out and share how much fucking pain I'm in all the time, all of those bandaids will disappear altogether, I will completely fall apart and I won't be able to put myself back together." She looked down at her hands in her lap up to gather her thoughts, then stared back at the I.M. "I want to hate you for leaving me how you did. I want to hate you so bad. I've tried to hate you." She took a breath and kept going, her very soft. "But it's impossible. You have a piece of me that I will never get back. When you lose that one person that you just love so much, so much that you can never really describe how much you love them because there just aren't the right words, you know that you will never recover from it. I know that I will never be whole as long as you're gone and I'll live as half of a soul for the rest of my life. You are the start of me and the end of me. You and Ollie are my everything until the end of time. I will always be madly deeply wholly completely in love with you forever. Forever and then some after that. That will never change. So please, if you ever loved me like you said you did, please come home before I'm no longer able to even try to heal. I need you and your son needs you. Just come home."

She couldn't even see the carving anymore because her vision was too blurry with the waterfall of tears held in over the past year waiting to be released. But even now, when she was alone, she still fought them back, taking shaky breaths to try to calm down. She didn't know how long she had sat there just staring at the tree until she heard a voice.

"Mistress Murray?" She jumped at the sudden noise. She looked up at who spoke and saw the voice was Benjamin Allaway's. She looked at the ground and quickly wiped away the couple tears that were still on her cheeks. "I apologize. I didna mean te startle ye." She didn't respond. She sniffed a few times, tucking her hair behind her ear and hugging her knees against her chest. "Are ye alright, Mistress Murray?" he asked, able to see clearly she was not. "Has somethin' upset ye?"

She cleared his throat and turned her head up to look at him to answer, "I'm fine, Benjamin. Really. And, um, I think you've known me long enough that you don't have to call me Mistress Murray. We're friends. Skylar is fine. Hearing everyone call me Mistress Murray all the time makes me feel like an old lady with grey hair and wrinkles."

"Oh, yer nothin' of the sort, Mistress Murr – um, Skylar." She gave him a small smile which he returned. He stared at her for a while until she shifted her shoulders and looked away, feeling slightly uncomfortable since she now knew what he felt for her. That snapped him out of the trance he had gone into.

"Excuse me, uh," his face turned red instantly, "I-I didna mean te intrude. I only came te gather the buckets fer syrup." He pointed behind her. She turned around and saw a couple trees with buckets beneath them that she hadn't noticed before.

"You're not intruding. I was just, um…" She looked at their initials again and felt the lump rise in her throat.

Benjamin felt so nervous talking to her that he could easily be sick any second. But he gathered all of his courage to simply ask her, "May I sit wi' ye, fer a moment?"

She turned back to him. "Uh, yeah, sure. Of course."

He walked to rest of the way to her and slowly lowered himself to sitting on the ground next to her. They sat in an awkward silence for a full minute before Benjamin spoke.

"I've been wantin' te ask ye, but there never seemed an appropriate time. This also may not be the appropriate time but seein' this is the first time I've been truly alone wi' ye, I thought I could ask ye now. Only if yer okay wi' answerin' though. If-if yer no comfortable tellin', that's more than fine and I-"

"Benjamin," she stopped his rambling, "what's your question?"

"I was wonderin'…I've only ever heard ye be called Mistress Murray since I met ye. But I've never seen ye wi' a man who ye, or anyone else fer that matter, regard as yer husband. Does he not live on the Ridge?"

Damnit.

Skylar knew someone was bound to ask that question sooner or later, but she still wasn't prepared for how to answer it. Her mind flooded with thoughts about where Ian was and she felt her heart break all over again. She bit her lip hard to try to stop the tears fighting to fall.

Benjamin tried to take back the question after seeing her reaction. "I'm sorry, Skylar. Really, I am. I didna wish te make ye sad. I shouldna have said anythin'. Ye dinna have te tell me."

"No, no, it's okay. You're okay," she assured him, though her voice was cracking. "I can tell you." She hesitated for a long time, not sure of where to start.

"Is yer husband dead?" Benjamin asked to prompt her. "That's what everyone seems te think."

"No, he's not." She couldn't look at him as she told the story. "His name is…Ian Murray." She felt like her stomach was being twisted saying his name. "He's Jamie's nephew. And you're right. He doesn't live here. He's in northern New York. He's been gone for almost two years now."

He took a moment to process that and what it meant, then followed with, "Does he know about Ollie?"

Skylar shook her head. "No, he doesn't. I didn't find out I was pregnant until after he left." She took a deep breath and continued to confess, "He's also not legally my husband. We were handfast, though, when Ollie was made, and he was born within the year of marriage our handfasting gave us so he wasn't truly born out of wedlock. I just let people believe we were married for real so they don't label my baby a…something he absolutely is not and ruin his life."

"Yer secret is safe with me, Skylar. I willna tell a soul, I swear it."

"Thank you, Benjamin. I would be grateful." He nodded, and she went on. "We were planning to marry officially when he got back. But he never did, so we never got the chance to."

"Was he taken prisoner in New York?"

"You could say that." Her tone came out harsher than she was expecting it to.

"He had te have been taken by force. Because any sane man who has the honor of bein' wi' ye would never leave of his own accord."

She just shrugged. He did though.

He could tell she didn't believe him, so he added, letting his feelings for her spill out, "Ye must ken yer any man's dream, Skylar. Not only are ye radiantly beautiful, but ye are one of the most fair and gentle and kindhearted people I have ever met. Yer so smart too. I've seen how ye work with Mistress Fraser in her surgery. Ye ken everythin' in there and what it does and how te use it. Ye have an answer fer any question someone asks ye. And I've kent verra few women, if any, that actually have a good sense of humor like ye do and can always make people laugh and smile, includin' me. I hope this Ian really understood how incredibly lucky he was te have ye."

It was a little overwhelming hearing him talk to her like this, and it only made her more anxious about when she was going to have to turn him down. But it also made her feel good that someone admired her in this way and wanted to let her know. "Thank you, Benjamin. You're very sweet. I haven't had anyone say anything like that to me in a long time."

She looked back at him and gave him another small smile. Then, almost like he couldn't control himself, he leaned in and kissed her. She was so taken aback and surprised that she didn't fully realize what was happening for a couple beats. But once she did, she pulled away and looked back at the ground in shock, covering her mouth. Benjamin sat up straight, feeling horribly embarrassed.

"Christ. I'm heart sorry, Mistress Murray. I didna have any intention of that when I came upon ye, ye must believe me. I'm so ashamed. I dinna ken what possessed me. I-I mean, I have been wantin' te kiss ye fer quite some time. I've made it no secret how infatuated I am wi' ye. But I would never force meself onte ye when yer clearly so upse-"

Skylar cut him off by kissing him hard.

"Do you want me, Benjamin?" she asked when she pulled from him. She took his hand and put it on her breast to show him what she was meaning.

He looked where his hand was and back at her, searching for any sign in her face that she, in fact, did not want this. Though he couldn't find any, he didn't notice there was nothing in her face that showed she did.

"I've been burnin' fer ye since I first laid eyes on ye."

She paused for another moment, convincing herself to do this. She kissed him again, deciding to listen to Bree and Marsali and just let this happen.

I can't live like a nun, she told herself. And I can't keep taking care of my needs myself.

She laid on her back on the ground and pulled him down with her so that he was on top of her. He continued to kiss her wildly while his hand kneaded her breast still covered by her dress. He moved his mouth to her neck and kissed all the exposed skin he could find. Her hands went to his back and she closed her eyes, trying to will herself to enjoy it. But that was easier said than done.

His hand left her chest and went under her skirt to her leg. He slowly dragged it up until he got to her thigh. She spread her legs open more to give him access and he rubbed the outside of her privates, wanting to make her feel good.

"Do ye like that?" he asked, kissing softly behind her ear.

"Take me, Benjamin. Now," she replied. She wasn't feeling anything and she hoped that once it was happening, it would start to feel like it was supposed to.

He sat up from her to undo his pants and he pulled them down enough to let his cock out, which was standing straight and rigid with a want for her that she did not have for him.

He came back down to meet her and he lined himself up with her entrance. Then, with a single thrust, he was inside her.

"Ah," she muttered. She was barely wet so it was definitely less than comfortable initially.

He started to move, slowly at first.

"Oh, Christ. Skylar," he moaned, already feeling very good. He kissed her lips again as she tried to act like she liked this.

What is wrong with me? she thought. Sex is fun. This should be fun. I can't let one man who I'll never see again ruin sex for me. But God, it was so good with him.

She closed her eyes and played out her and Ian's "wedding night" in her head. She had gotten so massively turned on while they were just undressing each other that by the time Ian finally touched her, she melted into him. She remembered the goosebumps she felt as his hands wandered over her body, and how she had nearly come undone just from his mouth on her nipples.

She let out a soft moan at the memories and gripped the man's shirt a bit tighter. She continued watching the scene in her head.

She had told Ian about the clitoris and what to do with it, and she was extremely happy she had. He did everything he was supposed to and was able to make her come from touching it.

"Omigod," she sighed, feeling everything Ian was doing.

Then he put his cock in. It had hurt a bit at the beginning, since it was her first time. But once the pain went away, she was filled with a pleasure so intense she thought she could have started crying.

"Is it good, just like that?" she heard Ian's voice.

"Yes, yes. Please, keep going," she said back. She wrapped her legs around him to pull him closer and make him go deeper.

She brought her hands under his shirt and drew her nails up and down his back. Ian's mouth went back to her breasts and his finger circled around her clit.

"I canna wait. I'm go…I'm about te fin…oh, shit," she heard as she felt Ian move faster.

"Let go, love. I'm right there. Please, please, just a little more."

"Shit, shit. Oh, Christ! Skylar, oh, God!" She felt him explode in her and when Ian started to suck on the part of her neck where she was crazy sensitive and pinch her clit at the same time, she was gone.

"Fuck, fuck! Omigod! Omigod, yes! Yes!" she cried, riding out her high.

When she had calmed down enough, she opened her eyes and expected to see Ian on top of her with them in the shelter. But she was reminded that it was Benjamin Allaway she was with in the middle of the woods near the Big House. It hit her all over again that Ian had left her and she would never see him again; and she thought someone reached into her chest and ripped her heart out.

She dropped her legs from around Benjamin and took her hands out of his shirt. He needed a while more to recover, but when he did, he sat up and moved off her. He fixed his pants while she slowly sat up and brushed the sticks and leaves out of her hair. She looked around at her surroundings to ground herself back to where she was, and her gaze landed on the tree next to her, with her and Ian's initials permanently carved into the wood, keeping them together for eternity.

She was suddenly overwhelmed with guilt and she couldn't stop the tears this time. She put her hand over her mouth to keep in the sobs fighting to get out.

"Can I…meet ye again? Soon?" Benjamin asked, panting hard.

Not able to look at him, all she said was, "Um, I-I, uh…I don't know. I'm sorry, Benjamin. I have to go." She stood up, not waiting to hear his response, and walked away.

When he was out of sight and earshot, she let it out. Her legs gave out and she fell to the ground. She held herself around her stomach and bent over while sobbing painfully.

How could I do this?! How could I do that to him?! How could I betray him like that?! What is wrong with me?!

She was squeezing her sides so hard that she wouldn't have been surprised if there would be bruises the next day, and the intensity at which she was crying made her horribly nauseas. But she believed she deserved all the bad feelings she had right now.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, she silently called to Ian. I promised I would never be with anyone but you, and now…I'm so sorry.

"Skylar?" she heard a man speak, but she didn't acknowledge it. "Skylar, Christ!" he spoke again, this time more urgently. There was the sound of wood dropping and running, then Roger was next to her. She hadn't realized how close she had wandered to their cabin. "What's happened? Are ye injured? Is Ollie okay?"

She tried to speak but couldn't get out more than a couple words at a time. "I…I-I did…I'm a horri...horrible per…I-I c-c-can't…"

"Here, come wi' me."

She didn't protest as he picked her up, seeing she was in no condition to walk on her own, and started back to his home. She couldn't care less that it had been Roger who found her. The anger she had towards him was the farthest thing from her mind, being totally replaced by her terrible guilt.

He brought her inside and sat her on his and Bree's bed. He brought a chair over for him and sat, waiting for her to calm down enough so she could talk.

It took another five full minutes before she could, at least, breathe again. Her eyes were sore and swollen, and her face was bright red. She had a throbbing headache and the crying gave her hiccups. She kept sniffing to stop her nose from running and she wiped away the tears still falling, but at a more manageable speed.

Roger got up to get her a cup of water, and with it, he handed her his handkerchief.

"Drink some, please," he pleaded with a soft voice. She took a few small sips but just kept staring straight ahead of her in a daze. "Now, can ye please tell me what happened?"

She balled his handkerchief in her fist, feeling more cries starting to rise at remembering. "I did a horrible unforgivable thing," she whispered.

"Whatever it was, it couldna have been that bad."

"I cheated on him. I was unfaithful. I-I-I...I swore that I would never do that, that I would never be with-" She needed to pause to stop herself from crying all over again.

Roger didn't understand. "What-cheated, unfaithful? What do ye mean?"

"I promised myself that I would only ever be his. He would be the only one to have me. And now I screwed that up. I really really screwed up."

He could now put some of the pieces together. "Ye mean, Ian?" She balled her hands into fists and pressed them into her thighs. Hearing his name just made the guilt even worse. Roger took her reaction as a yes. "What do ye mean ye were unfaithful?"

She licked her lips. "I, um…I-I…"

"Yes?"

She took in a breath and let it out as she said, "I just had sex with Benjamin Allaway."

He sat up straighter in his chair. "Oh. Okay, um…"

His lack of a response acted as a confirmation of Skylar's feelings. "You think I'm a terrible person. And you're right. I am, I really am. I can't believe that I let this happen."

"No. No no no. I dinna think that at all. I was just surprised is all. Whe-when though?"

"Literally just now."

"So, when ye said ye just had sex wi' him, ye truly meant it."

Her voice was very small as she answered with a simple, "Yes."

"Okay. How did this come te pass?"

She ran her hands over her face and through her hair. "Well, you know that special tree I told you about? The one that's covered in moss on one side?"

"Aye, the one wi' yers and Ian's initials?"

Her stomach turned again from his name. "Yeah, that one. Um, so…today is the two year anniversary of when he and I were handfast, and I went to the tree. I don't even really know why I did. It's just something I felt like I had to do, or maybe I wanted to? I don't know; but I did. I went there and while I was there, Benjamin came along and I ended up telling him about…everything. Our handfast, who my husband is, where he is, all of it. Benjamin started saying such sweet things to me, like how beautiful I am and how special I am; and then, he kissed me. When I pulled back from it, he was apologizing and trying to take it back, but…something in me just switched and suddenly, I was the one kissing him. I was the one who initiated it. I asked him if he wanted me, I pulled him on top of me, I just…why-why would I do that?"

"Well, did ye want te sleep wi' him?"

"No. I mean, I wanted to want to. I thought I could want to. I knew that he had feelings for me and I did not, do not, reciprocate them at all! I was trying to figure out how I was going to let him down easy. But, God, something in my head, it just…it decided that Bree and Marsali were right? Jesus Christ!" She pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes, just feeling overwhelmingly confused. Her head then shot back up to say, "But the worst part, the day I made that carving, when we first found the tree, he tried to have sex with me right there, but I stopped it because I didn't want to do it in the middle of the woods on top of all the dirt and rocks and sticks. And then I go and fuck some random guy in that same exact spot when I didn't even want to fuck him there! Like, what the hell is wrong with me?"

"Nothin' is wrong with ye, Skylar. Ye didna do anythin' wrong."

"But I-"

"Ye didn't cheat on Ian. Ye didn't stray from him. The marriage between ye two from yer handfast expired long ago. I know that fact doesn't bring ye any comfort or happiness, but it can ease yer guilt knowin' that ye are not a wife bein' unfaithful te her husband."

"I know," she said back quietly and looking down at her hands. "I know you're right. He's not…my husband, as much as it's a stab in my gut to say that out loud. But Christ, I…" She pressed her lips together as another attempt to keep the cries inside.

"I know," Roger responded, understanding what she meant.

It was silent for a minute until Skylar said, as she wiped her eyes with the handkerchief, "Could you please not tell Brianna about this? I just need time to think things through before I tell her about it."

"Of course."

"Thank you, Roger, for listening to me word vomit."

"Ye needna thank me. We're family. It's what I'm here fer." She gave him a half smile. "And, Skylar, I want te say, I cannot apologize enough fer what I said that day. It was uncalled fer and cruel, and I didna mean it. I was just frustrated and confused. But that's still no excuse."

"It's okay, Roger. I know you didn't mean it how it came out. I think I was more angry because of the bit of truth in it, rather than you saying it."

"It isn't the truth, Sky. Though Ian may not be here, he is ferever Ollie's Da, and-"

"I would really really like to just put it behind us and not talk about it anymore, if that's okay with you."

"Aye, sure. Whatever ye'd like. Are we friends again?" He held out his hand. She smiled a little bigger and took it, shaking it.

"Friends."

Just so y'all know, I also feel really bad for Benjamin…

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I love ye all verra much and see you in chapter 7 :)