Of course, part of being a soldier defending the earth in the name of friendship is that, eventually, you will be called upon to fight.

It's really dependent on what series as to how much of an inconvenience this is. Sometimes, you can get it done between grocery shopping and angsting over that mysterious young man with the top hat that keeps on showing up, and it's not much more strenuous than retrieving a kitten from up a tree.

Other times, it's a life-and-death struggle, that forces you to put yourself in mortal danger every day and wears at the soul and psyche.

Now, our intrepid heroes have sort of fallen on the unlucky end of the scale here, because they're having to face up against the shades of heroes who were really quite good at murderizing things in front of them. It's a good thing they've got the power of friendship on their side – to say nothing of the magical abominations that allow them to be heroes in the first place.

Usually, of course, they'd be able to pick up new powers as they went. Mid-season upgrades are also a staple of magical girl shows, after all. And usually, there wouldn't be a problem with this. As they defeat their foes in a logical scaling order, they gain the power to fight the next, and so on and so forth – the battles getting more and more lavish as the budget increases, until you reach the final episode and it all comes to a head in a riot of particle effects and they learn something about the necessity of fighting for what's right or not running away or whatever.

These two haven't been so lucky, unfortunately. Surely this time, though, they're due for a powerup?

Yeah…

Find out, in:

THE THRILLING ADVENTURES OF KALEIDO GARNET

Chapter Six – In which Mash's singing voice is better than Ritsuka's

Against all odds, Ritsuka and Mash had managed to find a secluded spot in the West End of London – one that wasn't already occupied by people seeking pharmaceutical fun, gentlemen unfortunately sleeping rough or a gang of hardened London pigeons.

"We good?" said Ritsuka.

"Ready, senpai!"

"Alright, here goes." He cringed internally, but forced his next words out anyway. "Romantic hero of love and justice! Kaleido Garnet, set up!"

Behind him, facing the other way just in case, Mash started her own transformation sequence. "Eggplant hero of pluck and cinnamon rolls! …Sapphire, why…"

"Finish the chant, Miss Mash."

Mash's voice continued, utterly miserable. "Kaleido Amethyst, set up…"

Presently, the two wonderful magical heroes stood in the alley, amid wonderful magical discarded needles and shining lyrical dog turds.

Ritsuka held his phone up to his ear. "We're ready."

"Very good," came the Director's voice. "Now, be on your guard. We kind of got lucky with the Archer card, but odds are this one won't helpfully kill itself for you. Keep an eye out, look after each other, and retreat if you need to. Whichever Heroic Spirit this is, it's going to be a master of its particular specialty. And don't forget, you're authorised to use the Shielder Card as an Include if you have to." She paused. "Or I suppose the Archer Card, but, um, please don't."

Yeah, no, Ritsuka had no desire to combat-test the self-destruct button. "Got it," was all he said. Next to him, Mash nodded, resolutely.

"Good luck," said the Director. "Come back safe, kids." With that, she hung up, and they were on their own.

Ritsuka gripped Ruby by the haft, and took a deep breath. "Alright Ruby. Do the thing."

"Yes, Master! Adding imaginary numerical axis…"

A shimmering, iridescent hole in the world opened up beneath Ritsuka's feet, as Ruby for once got on with her job. Ritsuka wasn't quite sure why she felt the need to narrate what she was doing. It wasn't as if he knew what the 'Mirror World connections' actually were, or why they only needed to be inverted partially. Still, it seemed to make Ruby happy. And when Ritsuka's friends were happy, he was happy.

Soon, they stood in the silent Mirror World. It was eerily quiet here, with none of the traffic or general clamour of London. Ahead of them, the theatre stood, ominous in the evening gloom.

"Okay," Ritsuka said. "Ruby, scan the area, see if we can pick up a signature. Mash, probably best to-"

A massive, cross-shaped shield thunked into the ground. "Way ahead of you, senpai!"

Ritsuka smiled at his partner, who'd perfectly guessed what he was going to suggest. "Have I mentioned you're the best? Because you totally are."

Mash blushed, which rather ruined her game face. "Not the time, senpai!"

They approached the theatre. The doors were open, just as they were in the real world, and without any door attendants to stop them Mash and Ritsuka walked right in – Mash leading the way with her shield, and Ritsuka following on her heels.

The lobby was one of those sweeping grand affairs, with staircases all over the place leading to different sections of the stands. There was gold ornamentation on pretty much everything – pretty gaudy, in Ritsuka's opinion – and posters and merchandise for the play being shown there.

There was a distinct lack of any Heroic Spirits.

"Any results from that scan, Ruby?" Ritsuka asked, trying to keep the tension out of his voice.

"Nothing, Master."

"Ruby, if you're messing around again…"

The stick wiggled in indignation in his hand. "Who, me? Never! Sure, I might enjoy a giggle every now and then. But I'd never let a gag get in the way of the mission."

Ritsuka stroked Ruby with his fingers, earning a disturbing squeal of pleasure. "Glad to hear it. So, what, this Mirror World pocket is empty?"

"Sorry, Master, no such luck. My guess is we're dealing with Assassin. Raising shields to maximum, focusing physical enhancement on constitution and poison resistance."

Yikes. Ritsuka looked around nervously. The lobby was brightly lit, but there were still shadows everywhere – now, he caught himself imagining glimpses of movement in each and every one. And while he was immensely grateful for Ruby's foresight in protecting him from a poisoned dagger in the back… he kind of wished she'd just got on with it and not brought it up.

His knees shook, and his fingers were slippery with sweat on Ruby's smooth haft. This was way, way worse than just arriving at the Archer card with a superweapon already aimed at you. Then, there had been no time for what he'd been doing to sink in, only to react – and by the time he knew what was happening it was all over. Now, he had to force himself to step further and further into danger.

But, up ahead, was his partner. Maybe Mash was just as nervous inside, but she didn't show it – she took the lead, peering round her shield, ever-ready to protect him from anything that came their way.

And that made it simple. What was he going to do, leave his best friend behind?

Ritsuka stepped up behind Mash, and they made their way further into the theatre.

"Where to?" he asked in a whisper. "Backstage? The galleries?"

Mash hummed in thought. "I guess… the stalls? You know, the flat bit, in the main auditorium? If this is the Assassin Card, there'd be fewer places for them to hide or sneak up on us. We should avoid the stage itself, though. It's the most open part of the whole building, and they could come from anywhere – left, right, from backstage, from above, even from below depending on how the stage is set up."

For someone so sheltered, Mash really did know an awful lot about a weird variety of things.

But the idea was a good one, so they steadily crept into the theatre.

The place was about what they would expect – a stage, the rows of seats, and not one but two tiers of balconies for extra seating, in a half-circle around the edge of the auditorium. A grand chandelier dangled from the centre of the ceiling, lighting up the area.

Behind the stage was a massive, Gothic-looking organ, which Ritsuka assumed was some kind of set piece. Were those skulls on it?

Again, no Heroic Spirits seemed in a hurry to announce themselves.

…Ritsuka was going to feel really silly if his report to the Director came down to 'we entered the Mirror World, but the Card just hid from us until we gave up'.

"Ruby, you're sure there's something here?"

"Well, I can't actually sense anything… but there wouldn't be a Mirror World pocket without a Card to create it! It's just playing hard to get."

Ritsuka considered this. "So, as the expert in making people want to attack you, what do you suggest we do?"

"Oh, Master, you're such a kidder… why don't you get up on that stage if you're such a big comedian all of a sudden…"

Yes. Kidding was definitely what Ritsuka had been doing. But, come to think of it…

He tapped Mash on the shoulder, and motioned for her to follow. Then, he strode confidently down the aisle, and climbed the steps that led up to the stage.

"What are you doing, senpai?" said Mash, a little frantically. "We were going to avoid the stage, remember?"

"I have an idea," said Ritsuka. "There's got to be a reason this Heroic Spirit chose this particular place. It's got to be connected with the theatre somehow. Well, what kind of play interferes with the audience? Assassin – or whoever – was never going to show their face while we stayed in the seats. But now we're onstage…"

He paced to the centre, and threw back his cape dramatically. Was it his imagination, or did he feel eyes on him?

"…we're fair game."

He grinned, looking out at the auditorium with a confidence he didn't really feel. Yikes, was he glad the audience hadn't come with them to the Mirror World, or he would be crapping his pants right now.

Now that he was onstage, what should he do? Crap, crap, he was always useless at talent shows…

Well, if Ruby thought being a comedian would work… why not?

"So, I sold my vacuum cleaner today," he began. "It was just collecting dust."

Calling it comedy was probably really stretching the definition of Ritsuka's repertoire, though.

No knives ripped at him from the darkness, no matter how much he probably deserved it, so he tried again. "Of course, it doesn't help that recently I've been really getting into standing in a corner and blowing all that dust around. Have you tried it? I'm a big fan."

Ruby writhed in his grip, apparently embarrassed to be seen on stage anywhere near him. He stole a glance to the side. Sapphire had gone perfectly rigid and straight, and seemed to be pretending not to even be sapient. Even Mash's smile was strained. One last go. He was a funny guy! His harem had told him so!

"I used the money from the vacuum to buy my flatmate a new fridge as a present. I wasn't sure she'd like it, but then she opened it and her face lit up."

"Senpai, I love you dearly, but-"

"Shutting up now."

Okay, comedy didn't work. He wasn't much of a dancer, either, but he did his best, shuffling across the stage like a drunk zombie.

"Aaand… jazz hands." He wiggled his wrists in the direction of the audience.

Still nothing. Fair enough. Ritsuka's dancing was less stage and more disco. He wouldn't have bothered with him either.

Which left singing, he supposed.

He opened his mouth.

"I'm Henry the Eighth I am-"

"AAAAAaaaaaAAAAAAA."

Ritsuka broke off as a second voice began singing over him. It was a rich baritone, deep and chocolatey. When he stopped, it faded into ringing echoes that bounced oddly around the auditorium, making their source impossible to track. He exchanged a look with Mash, and tapped an ear.

"Henry the Eighth I am I am-"

"AAAAAAAA."

Once again, as soon as he began singing, he was drowned out – as soon as he stopped, the second voice did as well. He looked at Mash, who shrugged in confusion.

Hmm. Was it just his voice?

"Mash, you try," he said. "I'm just throwing ideas at the wall here to see what sticks, but maybe it'd prefer a woman's voice? Or, alternatively, really, really hate it?"

Mash nodded, and came up to join him in centre stage. Ritsuka listened carefully, but kept an eye on his partner.

"I… don't really know what to sing…" she said. "But, since we're here…"

She faced the 'audience' and opened her mouth.

"In sleep he sang to me

In dreams he came

That voice which calls to me

And speaks my name…"

This time, there was no voice drowning her out – instead, a soft humming, below Mash's voice and supporting it, coaching it.

And in a burst of inspiration, Ritsuka thought he knew exactly which Heroic Spirit this was. And even better, he knew exactly how to enrage it into attacking him. He waited, picking his moment while Mash sang.

"And do I dream again?

For now I find…"

"I'M HENRY THE EIGHTH I AM-" Ritsuka yelled, as loud and tuneless as he could manage, completely ruining Mash's verse.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" came the outraged reply – and from the rafters, a figure with talons the size of small swords dove at Ritsuka.

He rolled out of the way, and ten blades pierced the stage where he'd been standing. Mash broke off with a squeak as the figure unfolded itself.

The Assassin Card – presumably – was a tall figure in fine operatic dress. A black cloak hung in tatters from its shoulders, and while half its face was a handsome human man's, the other half was a grinning devil's, with a black pit for an eye. Its fingers had been replaced with long, bloody blades, and these it pulled from the floor with a scraping sound.

Oh, okay. Ritsuka had been expecting a Heroic Spirit, but a horror movie monster was fine too, he supposed.

The Assassin Card looked between Ritsuka and Mash. Then, after a moment, it reached out towards Mash, in a beckoning gesture, and sang.

"Aaa."

It was such a bizarre thing to do, that Ritsuka couldn't do more than stare for a moment. Was… was it trying to perform a duet?

The Card paced back and forth, as though onstage – well, it was onstage, after all – and gestured once more towards Mash.

"Aaaaaaaaa."

Ritsuka frowned. This wasn't exactly part of the script. He'd been expecting a fight, not… whatever this was. He glanced sideways – and saw Mash transfixed, staring at the Card, the shield held limply in her hand.

Slowly, hesitantly, she opened her mouth. "…aah…?"

The Card reacted in delight, a sick smile spreading over the human half of its face. Slowly, it paced towards Mash, still beckoning with its knifelike fingers and singing in a strange, wordless call.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaa…"

"…ah…"

Mash seemed to be in some kind of trance, unable to look away from the advancing Card. Ritsuka thought quickly, and charged up a quick shot with Ruby. Pink light shot forth from the stick – not a powerful blast, but not something to be ignored either.

The Assassin Card simply pivoted around it, as though it was the next step in a dance, and continued its approach on Mash, fingers clicking together.

Dammit. Whatever spirit this was, it was quick. Just attacking it wasn't going to work. He needed to distract it, get it to focus on him. Unfortunately, he was fairly sure what would do it. He was pretty sure this next move would get him attacked, but it was better than leaving Mash to whatever this monster had planned for her.

"Aaaaaaa…"

"…aaa…"

"I'M HENRY THE-"

Just as he predicted, as soon as he began singing over Mash, the Card's face contorted in rage. It lunged at him, knives flashing. Ritsuka dodged sideways, never more grateful for Ruby's physical enhancements than he was now.

And, as he did so, he aimed Ruby at Mash and fired off the weakest blast he could manage at his friend.

He didn't have time to see if it hit or not, because the Card was on him. While it was calm, it moved like a dancer on stage. When angry, it moved in a jerking, skipping motion, like a puppet with a couple of strings cut – and so fast he could hardly track it.

Ritsuka skipped backwards, charging up another blast, which quickly grew into a pink orb the size of an apple at Ruby's tip. He swung it up and fired – but the Card was inside his guard and tapped Ruby to one side, making Ritsuka's shot fly wide. This close, it couldn't bring its long blades to bear, so it shoulder checked him.

It was like being hit by a truck, and Ritsuka went sprawling.

He looked up where the Card had been – and found nothing. Frantically, he looked around, and just managed to catch a glimpse of dark cloak behind him.

He turned, readying another shot, but knew it was far too late. The claws closed in.

Ritsuka flinched – and the claws were stopped an inch from his eye by a thin pink shield, no thicker than a soap bubble. Behind it, the Assassin Card howled in frustration.

"Thanks, Ruby!"

"Don't thank me yet! Your personal protection isn't strong enough to take another hit like that!"

No kidding – even as Ritsuka watched, the flimsy plane of magic was crumbling, the tips of the blades starting to poke through. The Card retreated with a flourish, holding its claws like a fencer's sabre – then disappeared.

"Wha-"

Ritsuka had just enough time to notice a flicker of motion above him, before the Assassin Card came down on him out of nowhere. He half-dodged, half-fell to one side, and knew even before he landed that he wasn't going to be quick enough to get out of the way of the Card's follow up. It flew at him…

…and was stopped by a familiar shield, claws bouncing off with a clang.

"Mash!"

"Sorry for taking so long! Your shot woke me up, and I was able to use Sapphire to cancel the rest of that thing's influence." Mash readied her shield, standing resolutely between Ritsuka and the Card. "Let's beat this thing together, senpai!"

Ritsuka didn't need to be told twice, and had in fact been charging a cluster of shots ever since Mash had saved him. He stepped out from behind Mash and fired, a scattered blast as if from a shotgun.

This time, the Card couldn't dodge them all. One pink bolt slammed into its chest and knocked it backwards. It came up in a roll, but didn't move. Slowly, it raised its head.

The Card's expression was one of unimaginable betrayal and sadness. It reached out, forlornly, towards Mash.

"Aaah?"

Mash slammed the shield down on stage. "No aaah."

As they watched, the Card's face slipped from confusion, to loss, to pure rage. Its human side distorted in a furious grimace, until it was almost indistinguishable from the monster side. It backed off, holding its head in its hands, until it was at the rear of the stage, just in front of the giant Gothic organ.

It seemed to ignore Mash and Ritsuka, instead busy pantomiming its tragedy to an invisible audience. It clawed at its own face, sank to its knees, thrashed around, and in general was the picture of misery.

Ritsuka didn't like it. Admittedly, the Card had been acting weird ever since it showed up, but now it seemed genuinely upset. In the 'play' of its existence, it seemed to be building to some kind of climax.

"Mash," he said. "Be ready. I think it's trying to pull something."

Mash nodded, holding the shield ready.

"Let me guess," said Ritsuka. "Your next line is 'aaaa'."

The Card made one last silent entreaty to the gods for how its soul was put through such torment, then said, "Christine, Christine..."

"Uh-oh."

The organ behind the Card started sounding, a discordant, horrific racket, growing in volume. Worse, it began glowing, a sickly crimson glow. Ritsuka began to make out details he really wished he couldn't about the thing.

It was made of people. Ritsuka stared in horror.

"It's a Noble Phantasm!" said Ruby, frantic. "I don't know what it's doing, just block it!"

The shrieking, clashing organ rose to a crescendo – and a blast of magical power exploded forth from it. The stage floor ripped itself to shreds, splinters and shrapnel flying everywhere. The wave of destruction raced towards Ritsuka…

… and never got near him.

"Lord Camelot!"

Mash slammed her shield down on the stage once more – and a ghostly castle wall spread out from it, covering her and Ritsuka completely.

The Card's wave of sound and magic broke on the wall without so much as ruffling Ritsuka and Mash's hair. For long moments they went to war, and chaos reigned in the theatre. Ritsuka wondered just where Mash was pulling all of this power from. Sure, the Shielder Card provided the shape, but didn't Mash still have to power it herself?

But Mash stood firm, and in the end it was the Assassin Card who began to falter. Holes began to appear in the wildly lashing energy.

"Now, senpai!"

RItsuka didn't need to be told twice. He'd been gathering energy ever since the Assassin Card had started acting oddly, on the principle that having more available was always going to be better than not.

And now, he knew exactly what he wanted to do with it.

He bent his legs – then leapt up, over the wall created by the Shielder Card. At the apex of his jump, he aimed Ruby at the Assassin Card… and fired.

Not a round orb this time, not a simple directional blast. Ritsuka had been wondering how he could make his tiny weak blasts do anything to a Heroic Spirit, and he could only come up with two concepts that might help.

Sharp. Fast.

He hadn't quite got the hang of doing it at a moments notice – but with some time to focus, he'd managed some quite impressive results.

Now, he directed part of the power into forming a semi-solid thorn, only an inch across and wickedly sharp. At this size, it was fairly easy to reinforce. The rest of the power he'd gathered?

All of that went into speed.

A pink arrow lanced forward from Ruby's tip, and wove through the gaps in the storm of magic – straight into the Assassin Card's heart.

The sound of its Noble Phantasm went wild for an instant, an awful screeching, tearing noise that had Ritsuka clap his hands over his ears. And then, as if it had always meant to, it resolved itself into a grand final chord that shook the dust from the rafters, and ended as suddenly as if a professional conductor had cut it off.

The Assassin Card collapsed.

Ritsuka landed on his feet, and threw back his cape.

He half expected riotous applause. It felt like that sort of moment.

Mash's quiet "yay!" from behind him was just as good, though.

Ritsuka walked forward, to the downed figure. As he watched, it began burning with crimson flames, and disappeared, leaving a small card where it had been. He picked it up.

"It's over now, the music of the night…" murmured Mash. "Well done, senpai! I knew you could do it."

Around them, the theatre started cracking – it looked like the Card couldn't provide the power to sustain the Mirror World pocket once it had been sealed. Probably for the best, to be honest. The Assassin Card's attack had left it in a bit of state, with half the stage pristine thanks to Mash's protection and the other half in tatters.

"Ruby, is that a problem?" Ritsuka asked, pointing at the spreading cracks. "We're not going to be stuck in some kind of horrible abyss if we don't get out before the Mirror World collapses, are we?"

"You know, I don't actually know!" said Ruby, a little too chirpy. "It'd be interesting to test. Well, probably not for you, Master."

"Okay, we're getting out of here," decided Ritsuka. "Mash, want to do the honours?"

Mash nodded, and shield in her hands changed back into Sapphire. She raised the stick, and that same iridescent magical circle appeared, spreading out from where she stood.

"Removing imaginary numerical axis..." said Sapphire.

Well, thought Ritsuka. That was that. It had been dicey for a moment there, but they'd managed their first real battle against the Card. Already he could think of a couple of improvements to the way he did things – for example, his physical enhancement had been a lot more effective at keeping him out of trouble than his shields were.

That was for later, though. For now, he went to stand next to Mash, and smiled at his friend as she took them back to the real world.

"Okay," said Olga Marie Animusphere, rubbing the bridge of her nose. "Explain this to me."

She slapped a photograph down on her desk. It showed Ritsuka and Mash in their respective fetish outfits, sprinting out of frame and trying to cover their heads with their hands.

"Well," started Ritsuka. "We'd just defeated the Assassin Card, and kind of got caught up in the moment. So, we forgot that when we returned to the real world, we'd be exactly where we left the Mirror World."

"Which was onstage at Her Majesty's Theatre, during the evening performance of Phantom of the Opera, average audience one thousand two hundred people," said the Director.

"Yes."

"And rather than try to play it off and disappear, you then decided to attack the lead actor."

"We thought he'd come back to life for one last attack," said Mash sheepishly. "That sort of thing happens a lot in opera."

Olga Marie breathed out heavily. "And rather than make good your escape in the confusion once you realised your mistake, you decided to yell 'By Jove, Kaleido Amethyst, I think we're in the wrong play!', and draw all the attention back onto yourselves before finally trying to remove yourselves from the situation."

"Yeah, sorry, I was panicking a bit at that point," Ritsuka said. "But I think you're making too much of it. Would I choose to do it? No. Do I wish it hadn't happened? Yes. Would I do it differently next time? Yes. Did the stage fright make it worse? Ye-"

"Rambling, senpai."

"Shutting up now."

The Director of the Chaldea Security Organisation groaned, putting her head in her hands. "You two. My hair never used to be white, you know? You two did this to me."

Ritsuka and Mash exchanged a look. Mash shook her head, indicating that the Director was exaggerating again.

At least, he hoped so.

Olga Marie went on. "The only fortunate things to come out of this are that you did, in fact, manage to retrieve the Assassin Card, and that no magus is likely to ever find out that this happened."

"Because you're suppressing the information?" asked Mash, leaning forward. "As expected of the aristocracy! Well done, Director!"

"No… because no magus follows musical theatre of all things. It's a bit… common, you see. If you'd decided to rematerialize at an opera, we'd have been in trouble." Olga Marie sighed. "I suppose the only thing we can do is just deny any rumours and wait for this to blow over. In the meantime… good work, both of you. From the sounds of things, it was a difficult fight. At least tell me the Assassin Card had a Noble Phantasm that might be useful in subduing the others?"

"Well…"

Images of that enormous pipe organ flashed through Ritsuka's head. It was not what he would have called portable.

Olga Marie didn't cry, but she looked like she wanted to. "I see. Thank you. Please leave."

They left, Mash stopping to pat the Director on the head as they did so.