This is a longer installment but I hope it's worth it! I'll update as soon as I can. I'm on a bit of a writing spree so it should be sooner rather than later. :)
Two weeks later, things were on the right track. At least that's what Olivia and Elliot both felt though they didn't say it outloud. Everyone at work could see that whatever had been brewing had been tempered, at least for the time being. They were back in sync, back doing what they did best. And after work...there was time spent together. Olivia helped with the kids when he needed it, and they all enjoyed having her back around.
Ellitot was sitting in the kitchen paying some bills at the table while listening to Olivia playing a game with the kids in the living room. They were laughing, shouting and goofing off together and it made his heart swell. He couldn't help but think about the night after they made up and Elliot asked her to come over for dinner. The look on Maureen's face when Olivia walked in was everything...and the words Olivia said afterwards made him fall in love with her even more.
Elliot was so thankful that they had been able to leave work at a reasonable time. After their conversation in the interview room, it was torture not being able to leave the squad room and talk to her more. Maybe she didn't want to talk about things more in depth...but mostly he wanted just to be around her. Even just as her friend, it had been killing him to not see her when they were arguing. The ride to his house was filled with comfortable silence and the occasional comment about work. Nothing serious. But...it was easy. It was what made them a good team. When he pulled up in front of the house, he saw Olivia sit up a little straighter and her smile brightened. In that moment, his heart thumped in his chest and he wanted to kiss her so damn bad. Turning back to him, she asked, "You're sure the kids want to see me?" Elliot beamed at her and nodded, "Liv...you never have to question that. They always want you here." He saw the blush in her cheeks even in the dim light of the room, "Good." He cocked his head towards the house and smiled, "Come on." Together, they exited the car and started to walk up the path, side by side but not fully touching. But they were close enough to feel the other person's body heat and Olivia shivered, playing it off like it was the winter air. Elliot knew better...because he felt it too. She waited patiently as he unlocked the door, but he could sense her anxiousness. He found it to be so damn adorable. Pushing it open, he glanced around and saw the twins playing in the living room, Kathleen was helping Bernie with dinner and Maureen was at the table doing her homework. The kids all turned quickly, and when they saw Olivia step up behind their Dad. Maureen's face was flushed, her eyes were wide and she looked shocked. Richie ran at her and launched himself into her arms, "Livvie!" Olivia gasped but caught Richie with ease, she held him close and smiled, "Hey bud." Kathleen and Lizzie followed their brother quickly and stood in front of her, "You came for dinner!" Olivia looked at Elliot and he was staring so intently at her she felt like her heart was going to explode, "I did...I hope that's okay." Richie slid out of Olivia's arms but stayed pressed against her side, Olivia leaned down and kissed Kathleen's head, "I missed you guys." Kathleen squeezed her tighter, "We missed you too Liv. Busy at work?" Olivia looked at Elliot and he gave her a slow nod, she looked back at the young girl and smiled, "Yeah...busy at work honey. Sorry." Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Maureen scrambling away from her spot at the table so her siblings didn't get anything on her work. It didn't go unnoticed by him though that his oldest daughter hadn't run over to Olivia when they walked in. He knew Olivia could sense it too and he wondered if he should say something to ease the tension. As usual though, Olivia knew just what to do. She whispered something to the three other kids, shot him a little smile and then walked towards Maureen who was now in the living room putting her homework away. Elliot walked into the dining room/kitchen to help the kids but he made sure to listen in to the conversation that was happening. Not because he didn't trust Olivia, but because he didn't want to miss this moment because it felt important. For all of them. Olivia sat down on the arm of the couch and watched Maureen, she didn't look at Olivia as she worked, "Hey Mo." Maureen glanced at her quickly, then grabbed another folder in her bag, "Hi." Olivia tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and tried to smile, "How was school?" Maureen turned to look at her, cutting her off quickly, "Olivia…you don't have to-" Maureen swallowed hard and looked down, "It's okay if you want to spend time with Emma and Austin and not us." Elliot's heart cracked at her words and he knew Olivia's heart was breaking too, "Hang on a second…" Olivia reached out and grabbed the girls hand, "Maureen you and your siblings are my favorite kids on the planet. You know that. Right?" Maureen bit her lip, and looked away, "I...don't know." Maureen narrowed her eyes at her and whispered, "I told you before to not make promises you can't keep…" Olivia pulled her closer and put a hand on her cheek, "And I told you before...I never make promises unless I mean them Maureen. No matter what happens in life...you need me? I'm there. No questions asked. Always." That was the moment that Elliot knew that she was the one, not that he doubted it before really. But this sealed the deal. He watched Maureen's nervous exterior soften and she leaned into Olivia. Olivia shook her head and pulled her in for a fierce hug, "Never going to happen Maureen. Until you kick me out of your life...you're stuck with me." Maureen wrapped her arms around Olivia and didn't try to hide her tears. When she looked up, she saw Elliot staring at the two of them and even at nine years old, she knew that all her suspicions had been correct. Her Father loved this woman. And Olivia wouldn't be here if she didn't love him too. Yes she may love her and her siblings but it had to be deeper. Did this mean that Mr. O'Conner was out of the picture? Did this mean that they had admitted their feelings to each other? Did this mean that they were...on a new path? She wanted to believe that. But she also knew these two were...stubborn. Even still, she had a good feeling about all of this. So for now, that was enough. Elliot watched as his daughter and Olivia whispered a few more things to each other and Olivia wiped Maureen's tears away. When they were ready, they walked into the dining room. The younger kids seemed oblivious to what was going on, but Bernie wasn't. She leaned in, gave Olivia a hug and Elliot saw the blush grow on Olivia's cheeks again. She caught his eye, gave him a little smile and he hoped she understood how much that meant to him. Maureen pulled out her seat beside her Dad, sat down and then leaned forward as he sat down. He gave her a strange look, unsure of what she was thinking but then she pressed a kiss to his cheek and he understood. Things were definitely on the right track again…
Elliot was snapped back into present time when Olivia walked into the kitchen with an empty bowl that had held their popcorn. She smiled at him as she passed and as usual it made his heart rate speed up. She put the bowl in the sink and went to reach into the fridge for some waters.
"Your son is a cheater." She said with a playful tone, "Just like his Dad. Sore losers."
Elliot rolled his eyes, pretending to be offended, "Hey...that's my son you're talking about. Be nice."
"Uh huh." She walked over to the table and sat down beside him for a second, "I'm always nice."
He huffed and shook his head, "Always?"
Unscrewing the top of her water bottle, she took a sip and smiled, "Okay...I'm nice when I want to be."
He chuckled, "That's more like it."
She tossed the plastic cap at him and he caught it easily, "Jerk."
Elliot laughed harder and tossed it back, "I'll come in in a minute and set him straight." He looked down at the bills and sighed, "Just uh...need to finish this up."
She watched his face harden for a moment, and she wondered not for the first time over the years if he was struggling financially on his own. They didn't make a ton of money and he had four children with no help from Kathy. He hated it when Olviai paid for things with the kids, but she always felt like it could help even just a little. She knew better then to ask if something was wrong...or if he needed help. That would be a blow to his ego and things were just starting to be good again. She didn't need to screw this up before the dust had fully settled.
Picking up the cap to her water again, she screwed it on her bottle and smiled, "Okay. Take your time. I've got it handled."
Glancing up slowly, he smiled at her and her heart ached with want, "You always do…"
Reaching out, she squeezed his shoulder and let her hand trail down his arm and she wondered if he felt it too. She knew she did. Watching her walk away, he could feel his skin burning under his clothes from her touch. And God he wanted more...so much more. But one day at a time. No need to send her running for the hills before they reached the opportune moment to take that next step.
Twenty minutes later, Elliot finished paying the bills and cleared the table. He grabbed a drink for himself and then walked into the living room, instantly feeling the tension leave his body again. If he could spend every waking minute with the five of them life would be so damn good. But as those bills reminded him...he had to work. Otherwise...he wasn't sure how they would survive.
He pushed the thought out of his mind and leaned against the couch as he sat on the floor. Lizzie instantly climbed into his lap and he wrapped his arms around her, "What are we playing?"
"Candy land. But Richie keeps getting the shortcut cards again and again." She said with a pout.
Elliot squeezed his youngest child and laughed, "Hm...is that so?"
Kathleen rolled her eyes, "It's because he's cheating Lizzie. He always cheats."
Elliot chuckled and Richie smirked at her, even at three he was a force to be reckoned with, "Well maybe now that I'm here things will be a little more fair. I'd hate for anyone to miss out on ice cream because they were cheating."
Richie sat up straighter and frowned, "Miss out on ice cream?"
Elliot shrugged, "Olivia picked up everything for sundaes on her way here...but I said only kids who behave get to have some."
Richie leaned forward and a few cards fell out of his shirt sleeve, "Opps."
Everyone laughed again and he leaned forward to ruffle his son's hair, "Smooth kid. Smooth."
Maureen smiled but shook her head as she reached for the cards and shuffled them up, "Let's start over so Dad can play too."
Kathleen moved the pieces on the board and then asked, "Daddy, are we going to the winter carnival at school tomorrow?"
Elliot nodded, "Yeah. If you guys want too."
Kathleen looked over at Olivia, "Livvie, will you come too?"
Olivia smiled, and then a thought struck her that held her back, "Oh...um. Winter carnival?"
Elliot noticed the look on her face, she seemed uncomfortable and he didn't understand why. Things had been good lately. Really good. Or so he thought. But she seemed tense. Suddenly a thought occurred to him, she didn't have a date, did she? She said she didn't want to go out with Ethan again but what if someone else had asked her out? What if he had missed his chance again?
Maureen could feel the tension too and she herself was getting anxious, "Yeah...we have it every year. Each class sets up a booth. My class is doing a pie eating competition stand. Kathleen's class made a bunch of carnival games. It's always really fun. You should come. I want you to come. Please?"
Those were the words that Olivia had been dreading because she knew she couldn't say no, "I…" She glanced at Elliot again and he looked just as confused as Maureen, "I'll be there."
Maureen relaxed and smiled reaching for the cards again, "Good. Now let's get this rematch started."
Elliot and Olivia caught each other's eye again and he tried to ask her a question with his eyes but she just smiled and shook her head. Whatever was bothering her would have to wait until later. But he wasn't letting her leave without getting some sort of answer. Even if it was an answer that would kill him.
Later that night, the kids had asked for Olivia to put them to bed and Elliot agreed. He was downstairs washing the dishes after their ice cream sundaes and waiting for Olivia to join him downstairs. When he heard her on the steps, he wondered what to expect from this conversation.
She smiled at him as she started to help him, "Shockingly they all fell right to sleep. I expected there to be a sugar rush."
Elliot shrugged, "Sometimes we have luck on that end."
Olivia nodded, "I guess so." She put away some of the sundae toppings and then turned to him, "Can I help with anything else before I go?"
Elliot turned to her and shook his head, "No...I'm good. But you don't have to rush out of here."
The blush rose on her cheeks and she smiled, "Hm...what are we going to do if I stay?"
He wondered if he heard a little flirting, a little teasing in her question and it took all of his strength not to kiss her. But he had questions he needed answered first. Besides...he wanted their first kiss to be more than this. He wanted to take her out. He wanted to prove to her that she was worth so much more than what she had been given in the past. He wanted to be the guy to sweep her off of her feet so there would be no way for her to question his intentions.
He shrugged and wiped his hand off on a towel, "Candy land rematch and beer?"
She laughed and shook her head, "You're ridiculous."
Smirking at her, he reached into the fridge and pulled out two beers, "Scared Benson?"
She snatched the second beer from him and rolled her eyes, "You wish Stabler. I'm just not interested in seeing where Richie learned his board game cheating techniques."
"I promise to be on my best behavior." He said, placing a hand on his heart.
And there was no questioning the flirting, teasing nature of that comment and she grinned at him, "We'll see about that…"
They settled into their spots on either side of the coffee table and Olivia started shuffling the cards as Elliot picked out their pieces. She took a swing of her beer and eyed him carefully, wondering what was going through his mind. Earlier, he had clearly been confused by her reaction to being asked to go to the carnival. She just hoped that he wasn't going to ask about it...she didn't think she'd get that lucky though.
"Rock paper scissors to see who goes first?" Elliot said, leaning his arms across the table.
She nodded and put out her hands, "You're on." They both tapped their fists on the other palm and then held out their choices, "Oh...rock beats scissors my friend. I go first."
He huffed, "Lucky shot."
She smirked at him, "Maybe luck's on my side tonight after all."
Elliot watched as she reached for a card and started to move her piece along the board. He tried to read her body language but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. She looked more relaxed than earlier...but there was something still uncertain between them. He took his turn and they sat in comfortable silence for a few rounds of the game. But the silence was slowly eating away at him and he couldn't hold it in any longer. He just hoped she wasn't going to get angry.
"You know if you have other plans tomorrow tonight...you really don't have to come." Immediately he saw her tense and he knew this wasn't going to be easy, "I can talk to the kids and-"
"I told them I'd be there so I'll be there." She said cutting him off as she moved her game piece three spaces, "A promise is a promise."
Elliot reached for his beer and nodded, "Yeah...but I know sometimes you just don't want to hurt their feelings. If you had something else to do. Maybe a da-"
"I don't have a date." She said quickly, her eyes flashed up to his in total shock, "Why would you think I have a date?"
He sat back slightly, feeling the tension rise, "I...I don't know?"
She grabbed her beer and brought it to her lips, "Well I don't."
Elliot swallowed hard and nodded, "So there really is no chance that you and Ethan-"
She cringed hearing the name and Elliot sat up a little straighter, "No Elliot. There is not going to be a second date."
"Liv…" She turned away from him and now he was worried, "Liv what happened on your date?"
She huffed and pushed herself off the floor, "Elliot I don't want to have this conversation."
Now he was seriously worried, "Liv...talk to me."
"There's nothing to talk about." She said with a nervous laugh, "I told you. It just...it didn't work out. No big deal. Let's not make this into something that it's not. Okay?"
He frowned and stood up enough, just to fall back on the couch, "Ethan will probably be there tomorrow night...I think he's helping out with the pie contest booth."
He saw her step back again and he knew whatever was wrong had something to do with Ethan O'Conner. "Okay." He gave her a look and she frowned, "I figured he would be."
"And that's why you looked like you wanted to run for the hills when Maureen asked?" He asked, trying to keep up.
"I...I didn't look like I wanted to run for the hills!" She shouted in defense.
He looked back at the stairs, "Let's...keep our voices down. And yes. You did. I was looking right at you."
She cursed under her breath, "I'm done with this conversation Elliot. I think I'll go home now."
"Stop." He said standing up and following her towards the door, not about to let her leave the house when she was this upset, "Olivia, stop."
She turned towards him, her face bright red with frustration, "El don't-"
"What the hell is going on?" He asked quickly, "If there is something between you two and you-"
"Jesus Elliot." She said with a pained expression, "There is nothing between me and Ethan. Absolutely nothing."
"But you're concerned about seeing him." He said trying to catch her eye but she wouldn't look at him, "And I want to know why."
"It's not...it's not important." She said shrugging on her coat, "I just...don't want things to be uncomfortable for Maureen and Emma's sake. Okay?"
"Did he hurt you?" She shot him another look and he pushed on, "Or...does he want a second date and you didn't? Or maybe you wanted a second date and he didn't? I don't know if he could be that stupid though..."
She sighed and leaned against the door behind her, "I really don't feel comfortable talking about this. And I'm asking you to just...drop it." He was still staring at her and she sighed, "Please Elliot. Just drop it."
Just like Olivia couldn't say no to his kids if they said please, he couldn't say no to her, "Okay...but Liv if I find out-"
"There's nothing to find out." She said with a shrug hoping to God he never did find out what had happened at the end of the night, so she gave him half of the truth. "We had one date. Dinner. He was self absorbed and arrogant. And I had a shitty time. Add it to the list of crappy dates I've had in my life and move on. That's it. Okay?"
Elliot stepped back slowly, "Okay…"
She took a deep breath and nodded, "Okay…"
He studied her expression, then stepped back and pointed towards the coffee table, "Can we finish our game?"
She was confused at first, but felt like he was trying to bring them back to that good place they had been working so hard to be in. As uncomfortable as she had been just moments before, she felt that ease between them again. That comfort. He knew her better than anyone in this world. He understood that whatever had just happened, was overwhelming for her. He understood that there was probably more that she wasn't saying but he also knew better than to push too hard. So instead, he stepped back and allowed her to do what she needed to do for now.
"Yes." She pulled off her coat and walked back towards the coffee table, "I'm still going to kick your ass."
He followed her, telling himself that he could trust what she was telling him, "I'm glad you think so Benson. I hope you're not too disappointed when I crush you."
They settled in around the table again and she hoped that this was the end of this conversation. But more than that...she hoped that Ethan didn't cause any trouble tomorrow night.
The following evening, Olivia made her way to Queens from her apartment. She had spent most of the day willing herself to calm down. She had to remain in control tonight. She hoped that Ethan wasn't stupid enough to say something in front of Elliot or make a move on her again. She hadn't heard from him since the moment in the hallway but she didn't trust him. This was a kids school event though and she would never forgive herself if something happened there. She would never forgive herself either if it caused a riff between Maureen and Emma.
Before going to the carnival, Elliot had treated everyone to Pizza at their favorite restaurant. There was no tension between anyone as they ate. Olivia felt that Elliot had heard her the night before when she said she didn't want to talk anymore about Ethan. He hadn't pushed her. They had finished their game of candy land (she had won) and then they talked about other things as they finished their beer. There was a moment when she wondered if he wanted her to stay longer, but she had pulled herself away and left.
Now they were walking towards the school, Elliot was carrying Lizzie in his arms. Richie was holding Olivia's hand so he didn't run across the road. Kathleen and Maureen were walking in front of them, talking about the booths they wanted to hit up first. It all felt so natural to her like they were a real family. She glanced around and saw all the other families filing into the school gym and it looked like the six of them fit right in.
She wondered how many people here had known Kathy or if any of them would just assume that Olivia was Elliot's wife, and the kids' Mom. The thought made her smile, and she blushed when she realized that Elliot was looking at her and caught the smile. He raised an eyebrow in question but she just shook her head and looked ahead again. Stepping into the crowded gym, Richie immediately started tugging on Olivia's arm.
"Let's go! Let's go!" He said tugging harder, but she held on tight not wanting to lose him in the chaos of the gym.
"Whoa, hang on buddy." Elliot said, putting Lizzie down in front of him, "I need to get everyone some tickets. And we need to make a plan. No one is allowed to be off on their own. There are too many people in here."
Maureen looked at her Dad and frowned, "Not even me? I have to help out at my class booth anyway for a while. And then I want to play some games with my friends."
Elliot frowned, "Well...I'll make sure you're settled at your booth. And you need to check in with me before you go off with your friends. But I suppose...I can let you go off for a little bit."
"What about me Daddy?" Richie asked, his eyes roaming the gym, "Can I go alone? I'm tough!"
Elliot chuckled and kneeled down in front of his son, "You are little man. But no...you're not going anywhere alone. You need to stay with me or Olivia, okay?"
He frowned but nodded, "Okay…"
He smiled, stood up and pointed towards the booth, "You all stay with Olivia. I'll be right back."
Olivia watched him go, and then looked at the four kids making sure they didn't try to sneak off. Then her eyes started roaming the gymnasium. Maureen caught her looking around and she knew who Olivia was looking for. She also knew that Mr. O'Conner was going to be at the pie booth for her class. When talking to Emma on the phone earlier in the day, she had taken a chance and asked about Olivia and Mr. O'Conner's date. Emma said she didn't know what happened but that her Dad went on a lot of dates and she didn't ask him questions.
A lot of dates. It didn't seem like he was going on a second date with Olivia but clearly he went out a lot. She wondered what it would be like to have her Father date a lot. Not that he had much time to date. If he did date anyone...the only person that would understand his schedule would be Olivia. And deep down she knew that Olivia was the only one she would want her Dad to date. What would it feel like if he brought some stranger home and introduced her to all the kids? Olivia wasn't a stranger. In fact she couldn't remember life before Olivia and she didn't want to imagine it after her…
A moment later, Elliot returned with a handful of tickets for each kid, "Okay. Each booth is one ticket. I'm giving you all ten for now. If we need more...we can talk about it."
Maureen looked up at her Dad and smiled, "Can I head to my classes booth?"
Elliot looked at his watch and nodded, "Yeah. You have to do a thirty minute shift, right?"
Maureen nodded, "Yes. Emma and I signed up for the first shift with her Dad."
Elliot glanced at Olivia and saw the way she tensed, but she didn't meet his eye and he didn't say anything else, "Okay. Well then meet me back here in thirty minutes. Then we'll regroup from there and we can meet up with some of your other friends."
"Okay." She hugged Elliot and then smiled at Olivia, "See you guys later."
"Bye Mo!" Richie called waving after his sister, "Dad, Dad can we go now? I want to play some games!"
"I want to go to the art booth." Kathleen said quickly.
Elliot frowned, "Well...we can go to all of them or-"
"I can take Kathleen to the art booth." Olivia said with a shrug, "You take the twins to play some games. Just shoot me a text if you want to meet back up."
Elliot looked at her, then glanced back at the booth where Emma, Maureen and Ethan were, "You sure?"
She nodded slowly, "I'm sure."
"Okay." He said looking over at Kathleen, "You be good. Listen to Olivia and stay with her. Okay?"
Kathleen smiled and took Olivia's hand, "Okay Daddy."
Elliot gave Olivia another smile which she returned and then watched them walk away. Richie and Lizzie didn't wait at all, they started tugging on their Dad's hand, eager to get their night started. He just laughed and let them pull him along knowing he could trust Olivia above everyone else.
Fifteen minutes later, Olivia was smiling as Kathleen sat so perfectly still and was having her face painted. She was so lost in the moment, she was startled when she felt a hand on her lower back. Jumping, she turned and instantly her heart dropped to her stomach and she wanted to crawl out of her skin, "Ethan…"
He beamed at her in a way that made her shiver, and not in a good way, "You look good Olivia. Real good."
She turned back to Kathleen but noticed that she was oblivious to what was going on, "Aren't you supposed to be helping at the booth with the kids?"
He shrugged, "Taking a quick bathroom break. Or that's what I told them…"
His hand started to rub circles on her lower back and she nudged him away from her, "Get your hands off of me."
He chuckled slightly, "You're not going to attack me in front of all these people Detective, are you?"
She glared at him, "If you cross a line like the other night, I might have too."
He rolled his eyes at her, "Oh come on. You were way out of line the other night and you know it."
Her mouth hung open, "I was out of line? Are you insane? You were the one that was out of line. I asked you more than once to leave. And the things you said…"
"The things I said were clearly true." He said nodding his head towards Kathleen, still in her own little world, "Tell me, did you crawl back into bed with Elliot after our date?"
She was seething now, but she couldn't cause a scene right now and he knew it, "Go back to the pie booth Ethan. You have no idea what you are talking about."
"Oh. I think I do." He said leering at her, "But when Elliot throws you aside...feel free to call me. My bed will always be open for you."
Kathleen walked up to Olivia as she finished and tugged on her hand, "Liv, can I get a drink?"
Olivia looked down at Elliot's second daughter and was glad for a way out of this, "Sure honey. Let's go."
"Hi Mr. O'Conner." She said looking up at him, "Did you and Olivia have a nice dinner together?"
Olivia cringed and she felt Ethan lean closer to her, "We had a great time. I hope to do it again sometime soon. Thank you for helping make that happen Kathleen…"
Kathleen looked over at Olivia and smiled, "You're welcome."
Olivia squeezed Kathleen's hand and whispered, "Let's go honey."
"Bye girls." Ethan called after them, "See you around."
Olivia didn't turn to look at him again, she just tugged Kathleen through the crowd. What she didn't see though was Maureen watching the scene from her spot at her classes booth. Or Elliot watching from his spot in the corner playing with Richie and Lizzie.
Another twenty minutes had passed and Maureen and Emma had finished their shift at the pie booth. Maureen was standing over where she agreed to meet her Dad again. She looked up as he walked towards her with the twins.
"Hey." Elliot said smiling at his daughter, "How did it go?"
Maureen smiled, "It was good. We have collected the most tickets so far. The winning class gets free ice cream next Friday."
Elliot smiled, "That's great Mo. I'll have to check it out and make sure to give some tickets."
Maureen looked back at the booth to where Mr. O'Conner was still working, "Yeah...maybe."
Elliot followed her gaze and knew what she was thinking but now wasn't the time to have this conversation, "Where do you want to go next?"
Maureen looked back at her Dad and then pointed behind him, "Emma and Kelly are over at the ring toss. Can I go there? Then we were thinking about getting a snack."
Elliot nodded, "Okay. I'll swing by the snack area in thirty minutes and check in again."
Maureen nodded, 'Okay. Where's Olivia and Kathleen?"
"We're here." Kathleen said running up to them, "Daddy, do you like my face paint?"
Elliot smiled down at her and turned her face to see the Unicorn painted on her left side, "I love it Kathleen! Looks great."
"Daddy, can we get some cotton candy?" Kathleen asked, "Olivia said we needed to ask you first."
Elliot looked at Olivia and then nodded, "Sure. I think we can do that." He heard Richie and Lizzie cheering behind him, he turned back to Maureen, "See you in thirty minutes."
Maureen nodded, she looked at Olivia and then at her Dad hoping they would stick together the rest of the evening , "Okay. See you in thirty minutes."
As Maureen walked away, Lizzie walked over to Olivia and she pulled her into her arms. Elliot put a hand on Richie's shoulder and the other on Kathleen's and started to steer them towards the Cottoncandy booth. Lizzie was talking a mile a minute, telling Olivia about all the games they had played. Olivia listened intently, not wanting to miss a moment. As they walked, Elliot felt someone looking at them. So he looked around the gym until his eyes fell on the pie booth and caught Ethan's gaze. Elliot stopped short for a moment and Ethan smiled, looked at Olivia and then gave him a thumbs up. The gesture irked him and he was ready to turn and stomp towards the booth and confront him but Kathleen tugged on his arm and he knew now wasn't the time.
As they walked up to the booth, Elliot lifted Richie so he could watch them making the cotton candy in the machine, "Alright. They are pretty big...so we're only getting one."
"How come?" Richie asked with a pout.
Elliot smirked, "Because if I give you a whole one...you won't sleep for a week."
The kids seemed to accept the decision and settled into one of the picnic tables set up and began to eat the cotton candy. Elliot sat down across from Olivia, he reached out and tugged a piece of the sweet treat with his hands and held it out to Olivia. She immediately shook her head and he smirked, holding it out to her again.
"No thank you." She said with a wrinkled up her nose, "I've never been a fan. Too sweet."
Elliot smiled and popped the cotton candy in his own math, then he groaned, "Ugh...you're right."
She smirked at him, "Don't you know by now, I'm always right?"
He laughed loudly and shook his head, "How could I forget?"
She smiled and turned her attention back to the kids, "I don't know."
Elliot watched the way she interacted with the kids, the way she laughed with them. The way she cared for them. More than once, she had to grab Richie before he fell back on the bench seat because he couldn't seem to sit still as the sugar coursed through him. She was listening to every word that Kathleen and Lizzie said, even as they talked through mouthfuls of the cotton candy. She looked so interested, so invested in what they were saying letting them know they were important. That what they were saying was important and she valued and respected them.
He thought back to Kathy. How when Maureen and Kathleen talked to her, she was never quite invested. She always seemed annoyed by their constant chatter. She had always wanted them to get on with their stories. Not Olivia. Turning, he looked back at the pie booth and saw Ethan still helping out and he was now clearly flirting with another woman and completely ignoring the line behind her.
Elliot huffed, how could he want another woman when he had had a chance with Olivia? Was the problem that Olivia had wanted a second date and Ethan was just to stupid to see how lucky he was? Olivia said he was arrogant, that he talked about himself and she wasn't interested. She said there was no connection. But something about the situation was off, even more so now when he had seen the intersection before. Olivia had looked uncomfortable and Elliot knew that she wasn't going to tell him the truth. So whether or not Olivia got angry about it...he had to take matters into his own hands.
Lucky for him, Richie gave him a chance to do just that, "Daddy, I need to pee."
Elliot looked at his son, then the back of the gym where he knew the bathrooms were, "Okay. Come on." Richie hopped down from his seat and grabbed Elliot's hand, "Stay here?"
Olivia nodded and offered him a smile, "Yeah. We'll be here."
Elliot smiled, nodded once and then walked with his son hand in hand towards the faraway bathrooms. Olivia thought nothing of the situation and turned back to the girls, listening to them planning their next adventure at the carnival. Five minutes later, Elliot exited the bathroom with Richie who started to walk back towards where his sisters and Olivia were sitting. Elliot put a hand on his son's shoulder and turned him towards the pie booth.
"Where are we going Daddy?" Richie asked softly, "I want more cotton candy."
"In a minute." Elliot said, reaching for Richie's hand and tugging him towards the opposite direction, "I just want to drop in to Maureen's class booth real quick. Okay?" Richie gave him a pout and Elliot knew he needed to offer something in order to get his son to go along, "Tell you what...I'll let you all split another cotton candy if you come with me, okay?"
Richie's smile widened and he quickly started to tug on his Dad's hand, "Okay!"
Elliot chuckled and followed after his son towards the booth, immediately Ethan saw them. Elliot noted the way that Ethan stood up a little straighter and the way that he swallowed hard as if he knew something was coming. Richie started to talk to another kid he knew and Elliot was grateful that he was distracted.
"Ethan." Elliot said, holding out his hand for the man to shake.
Ethan hesitated for a moment, then reached out and shook his hand back, "Elliot. Glad you were able to get out of work for once. I'm sure the kids are glad to have you around."
Elliot narrowed his eyes at him, "Wouldn't have missed this for the world."
"Good." Ethan said, then he cocked his head back towards the direction of Olivia and the girls, "I see you dragged your sexy partner out for the night too."
Elliot's blood pressure instantly increased and he had to squeeze his hands into fists to keep his cool, "She came because she knew that it was important to the kids."
"Right. For the kids." Ethan said with a nod, "It's all about the kids."
Elliot looked at Richie and saw that he was still preoccupied, he turned back to Ethan, "Are you trying to imply something?"
Ethan shrugged nonchalantly, "Just that I think you're a lucky son of a bitch. Your wife left you and you got saddled with four kids. And then this drop dead gorgeous woman steps in and is there to take care of the kids. No questions asked."
"Olivia is a hell of a woman." He said to him, "She makes her own choices."
Ethan nodded slowly, "Yes. She does. And she chose to go on a date with me. Must have pissed you off a bit. If I had known you two were sleeping together though…"
Elliot's eyes widened and leaned in, whispering, "We are NOT sleeping together."
Ethan chuckled and shook his head, "Yeah. Okay."
"Is that what this is about?" Elliot asked angrily, "Did you dump her because you were jealous of-"
"I didn't dump her." Ethan said with a growl, "She's crazy. That's what happened. She's a prude. And I wasn't going to be a pushover like you…wasn't going to wait for her to spread her legs."
Elliot slammed his hand down on the wood counter and many people jumped around them. From across the gym, Olivia had heard it too. Her heart dropped to her stomach when she saw the scene unfolding at the booth. Quickly, she gathered the girls and ushered them across the gym, knowing she had to intervene before things got out of hand.
"What did you do?" Elliot asked through gritted teeth, Richie was watching his Dad now but Elliot couldn't stop, "What the hell did you do to her?"
"Maybe you should be asking what she did to me." He said with a laugh, "Good thing I have two kids already…"
Elliot's head was swimming with all sorts of terrible thoughts, "You son of a -"
"Elliot!" Olivia yelled from behind them, she grabbed his arm and tugged him backwards.
Elliot turned to look at her, his eyes were fuming mad and she shuddered. It was then that Elliot noticed how many people were staring at them. He looked down at the girls, then at Richie who looked nervous. From the corner of his eye, he saw Maureen watching him with a fearful expression on her face. He was about to walk away when he heard Ethan talking again.
"Oh look…" He said with a smirk, "Here comes Detective Benson to save the day."
Elliot spun around and glared at Ethan, "You don't talk."
Olivia grabbed his arm tighter, "Elliot don't...don't do this."
"Daddy?" Kathleen asked from beside Olivia, "Daddy, what's going on?"
Hearing his daughter's worried voice made him soften again, "Nothing Kathleen…"
"Nothing." Ethan said with a smirk, "Just like you aren't banging Olivia? That's why she turned me down. At least she's getting it from somewhere. Maybe it will teach her how to be a woman...not just a buttoned up rape detective."
Olivia knew what was about to happen and she dropped the girls hands, tucked herself under Elliot's arm and stood up straighter. She was now standing between the two men and the booth counter. She could hear Ethan laughing behind her and Elliot looked enraged. He had one arm cocked behind him, clearly ready to strike and many people gasped. Quickly, she put her hands on his chest and whispered, "El. Elliot...look at me."
The feel of her hand on his chest, and the soft, pleading in her voice pulled him from his anger, "Liv…"
She shook her head adamantly at him, "Don't do this."
He glared at her and lowered his fist, but used his other hand to point behind her, "You think I'm going to just let him talk about you like that and do nothing?"
"Yes." She said softly, "Because punching him in a gym full of parents and kids from your children's school is not going to do any of us any good. Think about your kids Elliot. Walk away...just walk away from this. He's not worth it. I'm not worth it."
Elliot's heart ached at her words and he frowned, he shook his head and started to walk away. Olivia let out a little sigh of relief and went to gather the kids. And then she cringed when she heard Ethan speak again.
"Yeah. Walk away Elliot. She's not worth it." Ethan said sarcastically.
It took all of two seconds for Elliot to spin back around, before she could utter a word, Elliot had picked up one of the pies at the table. Olivia gasped when she watched it fly through the air and slam into Ethan's face causing him to stumble backwards. A ripple of laughter echoed throughout the gym. Ethan growled and tugged the plate from his face.
"Yeah. She is." Elliot said wiping his hands of the sticky residue, "She's worth everything. And you're an idiot for not seeing that."
Turning, he looked at Olivia and saw the shock on her face but he couldn't deal with that right now. Without giving it a second though, he stomped past her and the kids and went to exit the gym. Maureen was suddenly at Olivia's side and tugged on her arm frantically. Olivia knew she had to watch the kids, but she also knew that she had to go after Elliot before he did something else stupid.
Another mother, someone Olivia had seen at other school events and soccer games approached, "Would you like me to stay with the children?"
Olivia felt the tears burning in her eyes, "I...I just-"
"They'll be safe with me. I promise. Go ahead Olivia." She said, giving her a smile, "I'll bring them to the game center. Meet you there?"
Olivia looked at the kids and saw that the twins were crying, Kathleen looked scared but Maureen just nodded, "Go Olivia. Dad needs you."
"Thank you." She said turning to the other mother, then she turned on her heel and ran in the direction that Elliot had gone.
It didn't take her long to find him. He was in the parking lot, over by his car and he was pacing. She saw the way his hands clenched and unclenched and she knew he was still very angry. She had never been afraid of him, never felt that he would lash out at her physically. But she also knew that his anger could get the better of him at times. Whatever Ethan had said before she got there had clearly pushed him past the point of no return. Even just the little she did hear had not only made her feel embarrassed but uncertain of what Elliot would think.
And then she remembered what he had said after the pie hit Ethan's face.
She's worth everything…Her heart was pounding in her chest as she approached him and knew whatever happened next was going to be a breaking point for them. No matter which way it went…
"Elliot…" She whispered, he turned to her and she saw him relax but only slightly, "Calm down."
Elliot immediately started pacing again, "Where are the kids?"
"They are with Mrs. Winger." She said knowing he was worried, "Elliot what the hell happened-"
He turned to look straight at her again and he frowned, "You tell me."
She stumbled back, startled by the harshness in his voice, "I don't understand…"
"What happened on your date Olivia. What happened?" He asked angrily, "And don't lie to me this time. I think I deserve more than that."
Wrapping her arms around herself she shook her head, "I told you. He was self centered and arrogant. He...ordered for me without asking. Always talked about himself. Not his kids...just him. Never let me finish a sentence. It wasn't...it wasn't worth a second date."
Elliot nodded slowly, "And what happened after the date Olivia?" She turned her face from him and he knew she wanted to end this conversation but he wasn't going to let her this time, "What happened after the date?"
She sighed and ran a hand through her hair, "I handled it, okay? It doesn't matter."
He huffed and shook his head, "Doesn't matter? How could you say that? You of all people know that it matters. Did he try and force you to-"
"It didn't get that far." She said shaking her head and she saw him bristle at her words, "Elliot I swear...it didn't get to the point of-"
"But something did happen." He said through gritted teeth, "And I'm not letting you out of this conversation until you tell me what it was."
"I don't want to talk about this." She said, the tears welling in her eyes, "It won't change anything. It's in the past. I just want to forget it happened, okay?"
"You seriously don't trust me enough to tell me?" He asked, the hurt evident on his face and in his voice.
"No...that's not. That's not what this is about." She said softly, "I do trust you Elliot...I do."
"But not enough to confide in me when some creep oversteps boundaries with you." He said with a raised eyebrow.
She shook her head, "I never, ever should have gone on that date. Now I've put Maureen's friendship with Emma at risk. She's her best friend. She's already lost so much and I won't be responsible for her losing someone else."
"Damn it Olivia." He said walking up to her, "Take my kids out of this equation for a minute and just talk to me. Me."
She shrugged her shoulders and started to cry, "How can I take them out of the equation Elliot? They mean everything to you...to me-"
"I know. I know." He said softly, "And for that I lo-" His words caught in his throat but by the look in her eyes, he didn't need to finish the sentence for her to know what he was trying to say, "Please...I'm begging you now. Just tell me what happened. Otherwise the thoughts in my head are going to slowly kill me here."
With a sigh, she knew she had to tell him once and for all. "I...sat through the date. Listening to him go on and on about himself. I wanted to take a cab home but he insisted on driving me himself and wouldn't take no for an answer. I was so tired that I just...accepted it. And then when we got there...he insisted on walking me to my door."
Elliot's blood was boiling as she spoke, "And?"
She shrugged and he gave her a frustrated look, "And...he asked to come in. But I said no."
"And did he listen?" He stepped up closer to her and she cringed again.
"He...made some stupid comments about you and me. Insinuations as to why I help with the kids." She wasn't looking at him but she could hear him breathing heavy, "Made some crack about...congratulating you when he saw you next."
"Fucking hell…" Elliot said, turning from her as he wiped a hand over his face, "I'll kill him."
"No. You won't." She said angrily behind him, "You will do no such thing Elliot. Otherwise I'll never forgive you. And neither will your children."
He turned back to her and frowned, "Liv...what else happened?"
She sighed, "I got angry. Or angrier. I told him to go again and he made some comment about me being a prude because of what I see everyday. When I started arguing back he said I was being feisty and I should take out my frustration on him. That I need a real man to touch me and...And then he kissed me."
Elliot's eyes widened, "What-"
"But I pushed him away and when he still didn't take the hint...I….kneed him. Hard. Told him to crawl out of the building if he had to and to not bother calling me again." She said softly.
Elliot watched her carefully, "You should have told me."
"And if I had?" She said in a sad voice, "What would you have done? Because I think we both know it would look something like that scene in the gym and that's EXACTLY what I didn't want."
"So you kept this from me to protect me?" He asked and she looked away, "Olivia...come on."
"Elliot…" She said in an exasperated voice, "What do you want me to say? It just...is what it is. He's not the first guy to expect more than I was willing to give and I'm sure he won't be the last." His eyes flared and she slunk back again, "El I just-"
"You know what hurts the most?" He asked looking at her, his heart breaking as he spoke, "You actually believe what you said in there. What he said…what you're saying right now."
She wrapped her arms around herself, wishing she had her coat to ward off the cold winter air, "What are you talking about?"
"You think you aren't worth it." He said to her, "That's what you told me in there. That you weren't worth fighting for. You think that you don't deserve more than a string of bad dates from men who don't value you. You think that you're just a beautiful woman and could never be anything more. But God Olivia...you are so much more. And you deserve so much damn more. You deserve the world and I don't know what it will take for you to realize that. It breaks my heart."
Looking down, she wiped the tears away from her face, "El...don't."
"I'm exhausted." He whispered to her, "I'm so tired Liv...playing this game. It means the world to me that you always put my kids first when you have no reason to. You don't owe them anything but you will always put their happiness above yours no matter what."
She looked up at him again and shrugged, "Of course I will. They deserve so much more Elliot. They got dealt a shitty hand with Kathy and I don't want to cause them anymore pain."
"Well you got dealt a pretty shitty hand too Liv. So when does your happiness matter? When do you get to have what it is you want?" He asked, stepping all the way up to her, "When will you see your own worth?"
Chewing on her bottom lip she shook her head, "It's not that simple…"
"Yes. It is." He said leaning into her, "Tell me what you want Olivia...just tell me." She started to cry harder and she was shaking her head, "Don't you know by now I'd do anything for you? That I'd take care of you...if you just let me. I need you to let me."
Covering her face with her hands she stumbled away from him, "I can't do this.''
"Yes. You can." He said reaching for her, so she couldn't pull away, "You can. Liv this is me...I know you feel it. I know you do. I wasn't sure for awhile...and that's why I told you to go on that date with Ethan and I wish I hadn't."
She looked up at him and swallowed hard, "What? Were you trying to test me?"
"I don't know…" He whispered, "I don't know what I was thinking. But I had to know...and I'm sorry I put you in that situation."
She groaned and tried to pull away from him again, "This is so messed up."
"But after what happened with Rachel...and after your date you told me you didn't want to lose me. That you didn't feel a connection with him...a spark." He whispered to her, "And I knew. I knew Liv...I knew that you felt the same way I did. That you want what I want. And I've been trying to play it cool here...let you come to me but I'm just tired. Just tell me...tell me what you want. I'm standing right here begging you...I'll do anything. Even if you tell me to walk away forever, I will. It will kill me but I will. This needs to be your choice."
Her hands were shaking and she felt like she couldn't breathe, "Elliot…"
"For once in your life...take care of yourself. Put your needs first. Take a chance on something you want. I know you've been hurt by so many people and I wish I could erase all that pain. But I can't. What I can do...is make sure no one hurts you ever again." He said leaning into her.
Licking her lips, she glanced up at him and frowned, "El...I'm a mess. Such a mess. I'm not the woman you think I am."
He shook his head and cradled her head in his hands, "But you are Olivia. You just don't see yourself the way I do. You don't see the real you. How wonderful you are."
She hung her head and rested her forehead against his chest, unable to look him in the eye as she spoke, "You mean the world to me Elliot Stabler. Your kids...I adore them. I just...I don't know how to do this. I can't just turn a switch like that."
He closed his eyes tight and sighed, "I'm not asking you to marry me…" She lifted her head slowly and he smiled, "Not yet…but just so we're clear that is what I want in the end." Her eyes went wide, "I'm just asking...if you want this. If you want more than just what we have right here...that's all I need to know." He felt her shaking again and he whispered to her, "I'll wait as long as you need me too...but I just need to hear you say that you want this too."
The way his eyes were burning into hers, set a fire of need and want that she had been trying so hard to subdue for years. But she knew there was no use. She was always going to want Elliot Stabler. She was always going to love him. There was never going to be another man for her no matter how hard she tried to push him away. He was standing here, telling her he was willing to wait. Telling her that he wanted her, that she was worth the wait and all she had to do was say yes.
"I…" Her words got stuck in her throat and he reached out to cradle her face in his hands again, so gently it made her want to cry, "I want...I want this Elliot. I do...but God I'm so scared."
He nodded slowly and pulled her closer, he pressed a kiss to her forehead, "I know. So am I. But...we can't hide from this forever Olivia. It's going to kill us…"
She leaned into him, needing to feel his arms around her to hold her up, "I know. You're right...I just can't lose you. You're the only person...the only person I have."
"You aren't going to lose me." He whispered, pulling back just enough to see her face, "Okay? No matter what happens...I'm going to be in your life. We don't have to make any more decisions today...I meant it when I said I will wait." He searched her face with his eyes and offered her a smile, "God you are worth it. So worth it. I'll wait as long as you need me to."
She swallowed the lump in her throat and whispered, "So...what happens now?"
He brushed her tears away and pushed back her hair, "We...go back inside. We get the kids and we go home. I think the carnival is a wash…" She cringed and he shook his head, "And that's on me. I could have walked away and you tried to make me."
She frowned again, "I really am sorry that I caused this-"
He shook his head, "No. No more apologizing. This isn't your fault." She still looked frightened, "Just...trust me. Okay? Trust me…can you do that? That's all you need to do tonight."
Letting out a little breath, she nodded slowly, "I...can do that."
"Good." He reached for her hand, she stared at it for a moment and then slid her hand into his, "One day at a time Liv…"
They fell in sync and walked hand in hand into the gym. Mrs. Winger met them in the foyer with the four kids. There were a few moments of awkward conversation, then Elliot thanked the woman and steered his kids towards the parking lot. Elliot knew that he needed to talk to his kids about what had happened, explain in some way. But not right now. On the drive home, Maureen sat in the back of the van and watched her Father and Olivia carefully, wondering what had been said in the parking lot. And then...she saw Elliot reach across the console and take Olivia's hand in his. And Olivia...she didn't pull away. Instead, she squeezed his hand back, turned to Elliot and they shared a smile.
In that moment, Maureen thought maybe just maybe, something good came out of this night…
Things are moving in the right direction people! Just out of curiosity...what are our thoughts on an M chapter down the road? Should I change the rating on the story and move it? Or I could...write part of the chapter here and have the rest in a stand alone chapter in the M section and link it in? Or I could just imply...ya know lol. Trying to decide what would be best and I'd love some input. Thanks!