Chapter 7 – Heroically Foolish
(Sc. 1)
The tendency to cringe at the remembrance of how she snatched the attention of the other three princes two nights ago, that Monday, sneaks up on Briony again. It's Wednesday now.
As she enters the modern building of The Sanctuaire. As she walks in the direction of one of the two libraries of the school which is on the second floor. As she takes another deep breath. As she realizes that the embarrassing memory currently trumps the reality that she still remains invisible to her schoolmates. She should be happy.
[I just asked 'what' in the most…evident way possible—why did you do that, Bry? WHY? Maybe they thought it was something personal…like I won the lottery or…my cat died or something. Except that…my cat didn't die. And…the cat doesn't exist. And since…they say you have a better chance of getting hit by lightning than winning in the lottery, so, lottery is highly unlikely the reason then... Oh well… That's why we are really going to stay out of trouble this time.]
After her very, very surprised reaction that night when Eunice revealed to her without warning who those three debonair boys were, Briony simply smiled at them, awkwardly to boot, and hoped that the incident would just go away quickly. It did. At least, it felt like it did. In a nanosecond. Especially when the three took a good glance of her first, looked confused for a bit and then looked away the next.
[Thank God, I look unimportant.]
But the bane of having that from now on as a memory is something Briony can't stand. She imagines now, it would have been different had Derrick entered with them because then she would know right away who the other three—[breath-defying, a definition brought to you by my star struck best friend]—boys were. She's just grateful that they haven't made any kind of attention-grabbing flamboyant appearance yet at school.
"Oh no, that's you." She remembers Eunice's good-natured words as she laughs at her without really offending, for making a brief yet attention-grabbing spectacle of herself that night and Eunice just wouldn't let it go.
[I just have to make sure anything similar will not happen again.]
Inside this modern-looking, vast space that the LCM students call library, Briony instantly realizes there's no way she's staying here now to read a book and gain some kind of peace after all the noise that centers on Derrick Spencer. Because she easily spots him from where she's standing—she's by the right side of the wide Art Nouveau gilded entrance door, which contrasted the modernism inside but still made her almost imagine earlier that she was walking into some peaceful, otherworldly dimension.
[They're all curious as to why he's still alone, as though it's world news. This school has its own entertainment industry. Tsk. I wouldn't want to be the center of that.]
He's alone, yes, reading peacefully without a care in the world. And by alone that means without his closest friends. Briony can't tell if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Especially that Derrick is literally alone at that rectangular table, while everybody else tries to study him or feast on him from their own tables, with their glances, which are possibly longer than that if given the opportunity.
[Well, if he doesn't feel the need to worry about his own safety while being alone, he must really own this campus. He must really be that scary and powerful.]
Briony scans the area before her. There are a few vacant seats available. She then quickly reminds herself that she's invisible to them anyway so they're probably not going to notice her if she sneakily sits right next to any of them. And Derrick's table is out of the question, of course.
After just a few seconds of contemplating by the entrance, she drops the idea of staying here for a peaceful read and then takes the opposite route to the bookshelves to her right. She decides quickly as she treads the space between the wall and the longest sectional couch she has ever seen her entire life that since she works at a doughnut bakery, why not borrow…recipe books? She can imagine the glorious donut aroma right now that voices comfort and warmth. And although that beige couch is tempting her to surrender, she shakes that off and focuses instead on finding the aisle where they place all the books about culinary and pastry arts.
It takes about five minutes before she finds the book that she's excited about merely because of how the front cover looks. It takes another five minutes or so before the book gets completely checked out at the information counter near the entrance and then it's hers for the next five days.
[Oh God, thank you so much…because I didn't have to get in line, I mean, there wasn't even a line to get into.] She's thankful because…
"…you're the first tiny person my eyes laid on and so, I thought I could use someone unnoticeable." She deliberately recalls Derrick's words. Not once did she take a chance to turn her head towards his direction. And so Briony is convinced, as she makes her way out of that stunning library, that she remains unnoticeable. To him. The most.
"Oh, hmm…" Briony murmurs to herself as she sees a signage while she's just about to head to the staircase going back to the first floor.
'Emergency Staircase.'
Briony's mind goes blank for a few seconds then resumes: [I still have twenty minutes left in my lunch break. I just need a place where I can read.] And since no one will notice anyway…
She heads there right away. She can't believe she only noticed this signage today when she's been navigating this completely-from-a-different-realm place for the third day now. But then she forgives herself; it's just the third day.
[Wow, even this emergency staircase is...]
This visually appealing emergency escape caters to the modern side of the campus, which is the white building to the right that looks as though its outer walls are filled with scribbles created by a five-year-old and yet it suggests being aesthetically drawn by someone very smart and artistic. And so the emergency escape was probably designed with the same intention, too. This external staircases that connect all four floors are within this tall, steel enclosure that's rectangular in shape and is semi-circled at one opposite end, the one away from the door. Its walls are comprised of thin, round steel bars that start from the bottom of the ground floor up to the level of the building's rooftop. It's an open air fire escape that looks like a minimalistic roofless tower and an elegant-looking birdcage in one. Standing there can somehow give one the privilege of temporary peace while still being able to listen to the hustle and bustle of the Manhattanite life.
Briony climbs another flight of stairs of that zigzag stairway to get to the third floor where she finds the door open. And she's pleased; the blow of the summer wind up there is so much better.
"So, all about chocolate cakes, huh?" Briony silently talks to herself as she sits on the floor between the open doorway and the staircase, excited and satisfied, while taking a moment to stare at the front cover: a huge picture of a round chocolate mousse cake that looks indisputably divine.
Then, something she doesn't expect: the door on the floor below hers where she exited earlier is opened. After that, a conversation between two male students.
The conversation that ensues is the one she's trying to avoid.
"You know what, he's alone. It's the best opportunity we have."
"How much do you hate the guy?"
"Well, enough to put a scar on his face. You?"
Briony carefully takes a good look at them through the spaces between the steel treads since the entire stairwell, from ground floor to fourth floor, doesn't have risers.
"He's just really irritating to look at. He acts as though he owns the city. I mean, he and his friends act the same but he's the worst."
"If you're telling him that right now, he's probably going to tell you it's because he's Derrick Spencer."
Briony gasps in disbelief silently. She's about to turn to her right, very carefully at that, to ready herself to leave in complete silence when a hand covers her mouth. The person is crouching down next to her.
An angelic but still boyish face that belongs to a guy and looks familiar is just a few inches away from her rather plain face. The guy uses his other hand to give her the 'Sshh, quiet' signal discreetly. And now, because of the sunrays and the fact that he's so close this time, his dirty blond hair no longer blends with his eye color. Now, she finally knows: he's got amber eyes.
Eunice's line from two nights ago: "…and the only guy who bought donuts? That's Howard Griffin."
As they both hear the two guys downstairs leave, Briony is unable to look away. She's still in shock.
And when Howard finally removes his hand from having covered her mouth, he stares into Briony's eyes as if he's studying her face for a moment.
She remains still; staring back at Howard still. [Don't mind me… I'm just here, hugging a book I borrowed, asking myself the question 'why did I have to entertain the idea of coming up here...' Okay, sir, you know I meant for you to hear that… I just… I'm still stuck in my brain, talking to myself like an idiot and I can't get out—]
"It's critical that you don't tell anybody about this," is Howard's tenacious wording in a gentle timbre, denoting the existence of a kinder soul within him. He is still not turning his gaze away from her by the way. "Could you promise me that? In exchange, I will run to your store only whenever I'm craving for some donuts. From now on. Is that fair?"
"Su-su-sure." (Man! Finally!]
"Thank you."
[Now I'm keeping two secrets for them—wait. Donuts… He remembers me?]
(Sc. 2)
Thursday. Same week. The first week. What a week for Briony.
[I thought…well, actually everybody thought—and I can't believe I'm counting myself as one of them now—that the other three would at least maintain their first week's MIA tradition. But no. They're all here right now in school and many are predicting that they're even attending The Sanctuaire's Welcome Week School Party this year. This Friday. That's like…tomorrow. Already. Yikes. All the more reason for me to skip that. God, do you think I should borrow one more recipe book?]
Briony stares at the schedule she had affixed to the back of her locker's door on the first day so that every time she opens it, she will have the time to meditate on each period early in the morning and be sort of prepared. A mindset she has never created in her previous school but invented it this time to appease her yearning for something she can call hers in this place. A world of her own.
[It feels like I'm a hundred years old now and I'm still in junior high. Good thing he's already a senior.] Referring to Derrick Spencer.
"Briony!" an enthusiastic tone of a female voice from behind and two hands on Briony's shoulder, one on the left and one on the right. As Briony turns to this person, she continues in the same level of excitement, "What are you wearing tomorrow?"
[I knew Marianne was going to ask me this. She just insisted twice this morning that I have to be there.]
"You have to be there because…"
"…it's going to be spectacular." Briony recites it with Marianne this time around, remembering that this is the fourth time already.
"Yes," Marianne beams at her promisingly.
"So…what made it spectacular last year?" Briony asks curiously.
"Nothing. Actually, it was boring. I went home early."
"Okay…but you kept saying it's going to be spectacular."
"Yes! Because this time, the four gorgeous royals are going to be there."
Suddenly Briony ends up confused on how she should react to that and so she ends up giving a forced laugh, which she hopes doesn't sound forced. "Oh…hehehe."
[Why do they have to refer to them as Manhattan's royals? Did those four require these people to refer to them as that or it's these people who gave them that…rank…title… Moniker? I don't know anymore. I prefer not asking Marianne about that either. I better get into the habit of not giving a hoot about such things—]
Here they are, though. The four princes are coming. Briony feels somewhat uncomfortable, witnessing firsthand that people just won't leave them alone. Not even alone to walk in peace to their classes.
[It's not that they look miserable. It's actually the complete opposite… Oh well, maybe they're just feeding off each other.] And so Briony quickly returns her eyes to her stuff before the four gorgeous best friends reach her spot by the lockers.
When the four finally pass by her, she finds herself back to watching the four like everyone else in that hallway. She's curious regarding how people nurture their fantasies about them. [It's like…they're leaving a trail of fairy dusts? Kidding. They can't help it because they're—]
She stops all that influx of questions and potential lines of mockery because she has just recognized two faces among the swell of students before her.
[Emergency escape.]
From behind, these two familiar male students walk in the same direction as the four infamous brats of the school. And because of this and what Briony sees in the hand of one of the two, Briony is, in a heartbeat, back being Briony. The version that Eunice warned her against.
She thinks it's some rod that can easily be used to hit someone in the head or back. She hopes it isn't something sharp. But since there's no time to warn the target, Derrick Spencer, she darts across the hallway, hollering "Wait!" from her spot to the space between these two groups of male fellowship. Not minding everything else that are also happening around her as she naturally decides to be heroic…
…like the female student holding a small bucket of red paint that Derrick bumps into after getting pushed by someone heroically foolish but whose attention is still fixed on two boys…
…who are now confused by what she has done.
"Uhm...my-my friend…" although referring to Marianne, who is also left shocked by her actions, Briony must think fast on what to say next, "is-is...wondering…if you have a date…tomorrow at the school party."
"What?"
[Oops, that's the voice, it's definitely him.]
"Oh no, you're screwed."
"What?" Briony is the one confused now and so, she quickly follows the subject of his stare…
…and everybody else's.
Briony finds Derrick before her with zero emotion, looking at the mess done on his obviously expensive shoes.
Smiling nervously, she is only able to let out two words in a low tone as she feels the cold sweat collecting around the back of her neck. "Hi, boss…"
[Oh crap.]