(05.12.2021)

Snuggie

A body-length blanket with sleeves that is usually made of fleece or nylon and is similar in design to a bathrobe, but is meant to be worn backwards. (Courtesy of Wikipedia)

"So, you actually bought one?"

Sakura smiled at the disbelief in Ino's tone as she snuggled into her plush new purchase.

"Of course I did!" Sakura exclaimed. "Guess what color I bought!"

"Oh kami, you didn't..."

"Yep!" Sakura giggled, nodding excitedly whilst Ino groaned.

"Well, I guess I'll tell Choji to start the fire pit..."

Snickering softly, Sakura gasped dramatically. "Whatever for, my dear Ino?"

She could practically hear Ino roll her eyes as the woman replied, "For when your husband shows up to dispose of that abomination."

Channeling her mother, Sakura clicked her tongue. "Nonsense! My snuggie is not an abomination!"

"Sakura, that thing is an insult to bathrobes and blankets everywhere!"

"Says the woman who wears Crocs."

"EXCUSE ME, BUT THEY ARE COMFORTABLE!" Ino shouted.

"Yeah, and SO IS MY SNUGGIE!" Sakura replied with equal fervor.

"Fine, but if Crocs are so bad, why do so many celebrities have them?" Ino argued, obviously upset by her best friend's attack on her favorite laundry-day shoes.

"You could say the same about snuggies, Ino." Sakura said with a laugh.

"Name them."

Sakura shook her head. "You're kidding."

"I am not."

"Ino."

"Sakura."

"You realize that I could just hang up on you right?"

"You realize that I know where you live and that there's nothing stopping me from driving to your place to annoy you in person, right?"

Sakura rolled her eyes at Ino's stubbornness but couldn't bring herself to actually be mad at the blonde.

After all, Ino knew just how bored Sakura was with staying home all day - she was grateful for the company, even if it was over the phone.

The very least she could do was humor her best friend.

"Okay, fine." Sakura replied, fighting hard to keep the smile off her face at Ino's cry of victory on the other end of the line. "Should I go first?"

"Go for it, I've got my laptop at the ready."

Sakura laughed. "Your laptop? I didn't realize this was a serious competition."

"Well, duh."

Sakura snorted. "So, what does the winner get?"

"Your first born child?"

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Seriously, Ino?"

Laughter was heard on the other end before Ino replied, "Sorry, sorry. How about chocolate and choice of movie for the next date night?"

"Can I get a foot massage and an appointment with Yamanaka designs thrown in?"

"Only if you make your famous baked macaroni and cheese when I win."

"Deal."

"What in the world are the two of you talking about?"

"EEP!"

Expression a mix of surprise, guilt, and amusement, Sakura looked up from her place on the couch and beamed brightly at the sight of her husband standing in the doorway of their apartment.

"Sasori!" She exclaimed excitedly, "You're home!"

"HI SASORI!"

Sasori stared at his wife for a moment before turning his attention to the cell phone sitting on the coffee table.

"Ah, hello, Ino." He said politely. "Thank you for keeping Sakura company today, I appreciate it."

Sakura could almost hear Ino preen in response to his words. "My pleasure, Sasori!"

When the woman said nothing more, Sasori gave Sakura an odd look, to which Sakura simply shrugged and mouthed, "It's Ino."

Letting out a soft sigh at the pinkette's lack of assistance, Sasori addressed the blonde interior designer again. "Now then, if you don't mind, Ino, I would like to spend the rest of the evening with my wife."

"Oh, go ahead! Don't mind me!"

This time Sasori sent Sakura a look of exasperation, to which Sakura only smiled. She knew what Ino was doing - deliberately trying to annoy Sasori - but she couldn't help but want to see Sasori's reaction.

"I meant alone, Ino," Sasori tried again.

"Oh, I know." She chirped. "Like I said, just ignore me!"

When Sasori gave Sakura another look, this time pleadingly, the woman rolled her eyes and shook her head humorously.

Sometimes Ino was too much.

"Ino," Sakura said called, her tone light but firm.

"Yeah, Sakura?"

"Go away."

The woman on the other end huffed but relented. "Fine, but we aren't finished with our conversation."

Sakura smiled patiently, "I know, but we can finish it later, okay?"

"Call me tomorrow?"

Sakura nodded, "Of course, Ino. Thanks again."

"Always, Sakura."

"Love you, Ino."

"Love you too, Sakura."

When the call ended, Sakura turned her attention back to the man still standing by the door, expecting to see him removing his shoes and slipping on his pair of house slippers. However, when shifted her body to face him, she found him instead staring at her lap, his expression of mixture of confusion and disgust.

"I can't believe you actually bought one."

"I did," she said proudly, her green eyes glittering with amusement as she watched his nose wrinkle at the orange monstrosity draped over her body.

Then, if only to see his reaction, she added, "and you know what?"

"What?"

She grinned toothily. "I'm already thinking of buying a second one!"

Glancing down again at the snuggie, Sasori blanched. "Oh, no you're not."

Pouting cutely, the 34-week pregnant pinkette sent the museum curator her best set of puppy-dog eyes and reached out towards him with a mischievous grin. "Oh, yes I will! And you'll agree once you try it~"

Much to her displeasure, though, the redhead gave her a bland look before removing his shoes and walking past her towards their shared bedroom. Huffing softly at being ignored, Sakura watched him move deeper into the apartment before sticking her tongue out at his back. It was only once he was out of sight that she turned her attention towards her swollen belly.

"Don't worry, baby," she said soothingly as she gently rubbed her large tummy and listened to the sound of her beloved moving around in the bedroom, "he'll come back soon."

In the meantime, while she waited for her doting husband to return, the mommy-to-be shifted her attention back towards the novel in her hands. It was one of her favorites, "The Downward Tree," and one that she'd never get tired of, no matter how many times she read it, which was more than she could count. Her love for the small romantic mystery novel, however, had less to do with the author's fumbling tale about the mysterious murder of a New York Mafia boss and everything to do with what was written in between the lines.

Literally.

- I think it was the butcher's son, he's "shifty-eyed." -

Giggling softly, Sakura gently rubbed her thumb over the small, neat cursive writing before turning the page, her green eyes quickly searching for the small lines of commentary that she knew would be there. When she found it, she smiled.

- "Misplaced trust" my butt. She's obviously in denial. -

The book had been the first purchase she'd made for herself after she graduated college and began working as a preschool teacher. One of her former professors had recommended it to her and, having faith in the cheery older woman's taste in literature, she had purchased it from a local bookstore without a second thought. It hadn't been until she'd gotten home, curled up in bed and began reading the first chapter that she realized just how horribly written it was. Nevertheless, for whatever reason, the absurdity of the fable had kept her amused enough that she had been able to finish the disastrous story. It was then permanently retired to the bottom shelf of her bookcase soon after.

At least, that had been the plan for the little red hardback book until six years ago, when she was in the middle of her first date with a graduate student from the archeology department of the local university.

"You said that you love to read... So, what is the worst book that you've ever read?"

To say the least, the question had taken her by surprise and she had fumbled with her answer for several seconds before guiltily acknowledging the poor, rejected little novel that sat hidden behind a giant cookbook on the bookshelf in her bedroom. She was a bit floored when he then asked her to lend it to him.

"Most people can name their favorite book, but not their least favorite. So, humor me. Why do you think it's so bad?"

And so, at the end of their second date, she handed that small book over to him and he promised to return it at a later date once he finished it. Before he departed, though, he had asked her a rather peculiar question.

"If it's all the same to you, would you mind if I shared my thoughts of it with you next time?"

Frankly, she was surprised that he had bothered to ask. After all, most people offered their opinions of things such as books and movies without regard for the feelings of others. And yet, perhaps he had known that the book - bad as it may be - was special to her and was just trying to be courteous. Nevertheless, she had smiled and told him that she looked forward to hearing what he thought.

Little did she know that he when returned the book at their next date it would be filled with an array of colorful sticky notes, each one containing his thoughts about the associated passage written in his elegant script.

Even to this day, she had no idea what had possessed him to do something so outrageous, especially after they had only met a handful of times. But his stunt had endeared him to her and, instead of proceeding with their initial plans for a nice dinner and an evening stroll through the park, she had convinced him to take her to the university library so they could sit and discuss the atrocious tale of "The Downward Tree".

"You know, I did desecrate other books for you. Why aren't you reading one of them?"

Tipping her head back to look up at the love of her life as he leaned over the back of the sofa, Sakura smiled, "Because none of them are nearly as funny as this one."

Letting out a small sigh, Sasori shook his head at his wife before leaning down and kissing her forehead. Then, he straightened up and made his way around the couch to sit by her feet. Reaching forward, he gently took the preposterous mystery novel from her hands and set it aside before carefully helping her reposition herself aside his side. Although, he was less than impressed when she decided to bring her hideous new blanket-robe-thing with her. Nevertheless, he loved his wife and welcomed the feeling of her arms wrapping around his waist and the gentle pressure of her head resting on his shoulder.

"Tell me about your day," she said with smile as Sasori arm settled securely around her. Her expression soon turned into a small, playful grin when he sent her a short look in return, her attempt at changing the subject not lost on him.

He answered her question regardless. "As you know, we're still working on finishing the Egyptian exhibit. The lead researcher says that they'll be shipping the last of the artifacts over in the next few days."

"So, do you have any idea of when the exhibit will open? Tenten has been asking me about it for weeks."

Sasori chuckled softly, recalling the first time he had met his wife's old roommate. The brunette had been so ecstatic that her friend was dating a fellow archeology student that she'd forgotten to introduce her own boyfriend for the first half hour of their double date.

It was no surprise to him that Tenten, once the museum had announced the upcoming Accent Egyptian exhibit, had been begging Sakura for details. After all, the brunette anthropology professor had written her Masters thesis on the Pharaoh Atem.

"You can tell her that if all goes well, we are aiming for the end of the month," Sasori replied.

"Congratulations," Sakura said with a smile. She knew how hard her husband had been working lately on organizing and arranging the new exhibit and she was happy to see his efforts pay off.

Glancing down at the glowing woman, Sasori returned the gesture with a kiss on her forehead and a soft "thank you." Then, shifting his attention to the book his wife had been reading, he picked it up and spread it open on his lap. "So, where were you exactly?"

Squealing in soft delight, Sakura pulled her snuggie up to her chin and snuggled closer to her husband and pointed to the bottom of the left page. "The lawyer's wife was talking to the governor's wife about the new housecleaner."

Quickly scanning the page, Sasori found the passage she was referring to and cleared his throat. Then, he began reading.

"So, she really bought a snuggie?" Kisame asked over his cup of coffee. "What color?"

Groaning softly, Sasori took a sip of his black tea before sighing, "Orange."

PFFFT!

Glaring darkly at the small spray of coffee that erupted from Kisame's lips, as well as the man's unrestrained laughter, Sasori silently handed his old friend a napkin and waited for him to speak.

"Oh Kami, orange?" Kisame guffawed, his laughter filling the quiet morning atmosphere of the small café they were sitting in. "But there is absolutely nothing in your apartment that could possibly compliment that color!"

Sighing once again, Sasori agreed, "I know. I really don't know why she bought it."

Kisame took a bite of his bagel and chewed thoughtfully. It was true that such a purchase would be a weird one, even for someone as mischievous as Sakura. The only person he could possibly think of buying such a gaudy item would be the woman's blonde idiot of a best friend, Naruto. But then again, even when the fool had tried to buy the couple a baby crib in the same nauseating color, the expecting mom had outright refused and threatened to ban him from ever meeting his soon-to-be goddaughter.

"Did you do something to make her mad at you?"

Frowning slightly, Sasori glared at his tea before shaking his head, "No, not that I am aware of."

"Maybe it's some new form of pregnancy cravings, yeah?"

Looking up, both men raised an eyebrow at the new arrival. Then, looking behind him, they recognized two more familiar faces.

"Don't be ridiculous, Deidara," interjected one of their new companions as she and her husband sat down beside Kisame and Sasori. "That is not how pregnancy cravings work."

Scoffing softly at his rejected idea, the blonde artist sat down grumpily. Then, deciding to tease the group's own mother of two, he repleid "Yeah, because you would know all about that, wouldn't you, Konan?"

Blushing slightly, Konan sat back in her chair and crossed her arm with a huff. "Little Tsukio and Hina absolutely adore their Uncle Deidara, it would be such a pity if I had to start cancelling your playdates."

"Hey, I was just joking, yeah!" Deidara exclaimed, quick to retreat when the fate of his time with his adorable niece and nephew was in hanging in the balance.

Snorting softly at easily riled-up blonde, Pein took a glance at the café menu before turning his attention to Sasori, "Perhaps she just wanted to see what you would do."

That thought had also crossed his mind, but surely there were other ways to push his buttons that didn't involve grotesquely-colored snuggies.

Sasori sighed for what felt like the tenth time. "Whatever her reason was for buying it, the worst part is that I can't convince her to get rid of it."

Konan smiled knowingly at the redhead. "That's not very surprising. You've always been soft on her, Sasori."

Deidara, snickering softly, shared a look with Kisame and added, "He's as whipped as whipped cream."

The large man chuckled at the comment before clapping a firm hand on Sasori's shoulder and remarking with sympathy, "Sakura's an angel, though, so none of blame you, man."

Scowling, Sasori brushed the security guard's hand off his shoulder and sat back in his chair grumpily. "There's nothing wrong with doing what I can to make my wife happy, but I really did try to get rid of that thing."

Pein raised an eyebrow. "Oh? How so?"

Sasori crossed his arms over his chest and sighed again. "Since asking her to send it back didn't work, I was planning to stick in the donation box in the apartment lobby on my way out to work this morning."

Kisame gaped in awe at the redhead. "Wow, that's..."

"Super petty, yeah," Deidara finished, looking equal parts amused and astonished that the man in front of him had even attempted what he'd done.

"Not just petty..." Kisame countered, "that's like... Ino Yamanaka level petty."

Resisting the urge to straggle both men, Sasori rolled his eyes and turned to the only other married individuals sitting at the table. Unfortunately, the pair also looked incredibly amused. Although, they at least had the decency to try and understand his plight.

"I presume you weren't successful?" Konan asked, catching onto the implication in his words. When the redhead nodded in response, she continued. "So, what happened?"

This time Sasori ran an aggravated hand through his hair and gave a soft laugh. "She threatened me."

"She threatened you?" Kisame parroted in mild surprise.

Sighing softly, Sasori nodded as he recalled the brief interaction he'd had with his wife before leaving for work that morning.

Coat on with his bag over his shoulder, Sasori leaned down and gently his wife on the head. "I'll give you a call at lunchtime, okay?" he said softly to the semi-conscious woman.

"M'kay," she hummed in response, face half-buried in her body pillow. "Love you."

"I love you, too," Sasori whispered in return with a smile, watching as the love of his life smiled back at him before shutting her eyes and falling back asleep.

Convinced that his wife was settled, Sasori quietly made his way out of their master bedroom and shut the door behind him. Then, with on the pale morning light to guide him, he headed across the living room to the door. He was just about to bend down to pull out his work shoes when he caught sight of the orange tragedy that his wife had bought the other day draped over the back of the couch.

Pausing, the redhead cast an uncertain glance in the direction of the closed bedroom door before walking over to the sofa and gathering the eyesore of a blanket into his arms. Tucking the hideous ball of fabric under his arm, Sasori returned to the front door and was in the middle of pulling on his shoes when his wife's voice arose from beyond their bedroom door.

"Throw it out, Sasori, and I'll just buy two larger and more ugly ones."

Eyes wide in surprise, because the last he checked his wife could not see through walls, Sasori finished pulling on his shoes and stood. Then, deciding to test the limits of Sakura's apparently newfound abilities, held onto the bundle under his arm and moved towards the door.

Unfortunately, he got no further than placing his hand on the doorknob before she spoke again.

"If you don't put it back, I'll have Naruto repaint the nursery and buy the baby a matching onesie."

Snorting loudly, Deidara and Kisame burst into another round of laughter while Konan offered her friend amused but pitying look.

Reaching out, Pein gently patted the soon-to-be-father's shoulder sympathetically.

"For what it's worth... you can hide it when guests come over."

Putting his head down in a rare show of defeat, Sasori groaned.

Knowing Sakura.. I doubt she'll let him hide it.

A/N: Did anyone catch the Yu-Gi-Oh reference? I sure hope so!

Anyways... I really wanted to write about Ino in this one, because I love the idea of Ino and Sakura being the kind of best friends who make fun of each other all the time but are really there for each other when it counts.

Also... the Crocs vs Snuggie conversation was born out of a Google Search of "Worst Inventions" and I feel like both products have very avid supports. Frankly, if this were a legit forum argument, I would love to watch it.

So... tell me... are you #TeamSnuggie or #TeamCrocs?

I own neither, so I am by default #TeamIUseBlanketsAndWearSandals

Let me know in the reviews! Also, I am taking requests (I seriously LOVE prompts/requests/suggestions)!

And as always, thank you for all of the support and stay safe everyone!

~Smash41KMF