The rising dwarf star's rays danced across Ultra Magnus's armor as he rebooted. Stretching, he enjoyed the drying of the rain from his armor. Glancing next to him, he saw the thruster prints clear as day. From all appearances, she had stood there for a significant amount of time. He fought back the creepy thought that she might've had a cannon pointed at his helm. His optics ridges drew together as he noticed a dried drop of energon next to her thruster print. Looking over his own armor, he found no explanation for it. Briefly, he feared that she was in some way damaged. Though as it was just a single drip, it wouldn't have been more than a scratch. Rubbing his chin guard, he decided not to dwell too much on it. Obviously, she'd let him live another day. So he'd take that as a good sign. Standing up, he unrolled the cloak and put it back on.

Striding over to the rubble he'd left the peace offering under, a smile crossed his lips as he saw it empty. Likely saved his life! He thought to himself. Beginning the day's slow trek, he knew with certainty he was no longer alone. Though he couldn't detect her without the rain, he'd guarantee that she was close enough to listen to every story he would be re-living that day. Stories that she might also be re-living against her will….

For the next several weeks, the pattern between them continued. He walked slowly through the desolation. The hood of his cloak protected his optics from the blazing star as it made its way across the sky. His voice never wavering as he told the history of every street. Every skeleton of a city and bombed out military facility. There was more determination in his stride with each passing day cycle. For at the end of each day cycle's seemingly solitary march, he set out a shot cube of blue energon. Left it out of his range of view. As each new day dawned, he found an empty shot cube in its place. His once solitary march through memories, was now a march of two.

When darkness fell each night cycle. He settled himself for another restless defrag cycle. Again and again, he spoke to the wind about his personal failures as a mech. How things could have been different, if he'd been able to get past his pride, admit to the echoes, and seek medical treatment. As the evenings dragged on, his discussion about his internal demons began to take on a new slant. A slant in which he spoke of future possibilities. A different future for the two of them that might be possible with proper treatment.

As he set his helm on his knee servos and his optics went dark each night, he was never alone. A ghost stood next to him. At first, with a cannon held against his helm for astro hours. The femme struggling within herself as memories from a thousand lives lost flitted uncontrollably across her processors. Yet something deep inside her cores always stopped her from activating her weapons systems. Stopped her from ending his life a second time. Eventually, she started lowering her cannon after less and less time. Each time she lowered it, she'd hold a blade to his helm. A blade that was then used to make another slow cut across her own armor. For the physical pain made continuing to function - somehow easier.

Finally, one night cycle, she lowered her cannon after just a single astro hour of internal strife. Standing in front of the defragging mech, she stared down at him as the tendrils of echoes which weren't hers began to release their grip on her processors. Reaching out with trembling digits, she dared to set them on the steep central ridge of his helm. The familiarity of it to her touch bringing the memories of her first weeks on this Cybertron to her active RAM. Of holding his dead head in her lap when she had settled down for defrag. Of caressing it as she wondered of the mech it had once belonged to. Of the deep conviction inside her that she was somehow linked to him. Her digits had gently caressed the ridge of his helm then. The metal under her digits no longer cold in death, but warm with life. It calmed the demons within her. And for the first time since her processor crashed, she did not cut herself. She left him then, warping to a location not far, and going into rapid defrag.

He had stirred that morning. As was now his habit, he glanced at the dirt around his position. The tell tale thruster prints there as they had been every morning since the storm. This time, there was not a drip of spilt energon anywhere to be found. A slight smile spread on his faceplate as he traced one of them with a digit. She had apparently moved around him that night cycle, instead of just standing still in one spot. Perhaps she was finally breaking through the echoes?

Noticing how much dust had coated the armor of his arm, he couldn't help but chuckle a bit. He couldn't remember how long it had been since he'd gotten a thorough cleaning. He must now look every bit the soldier that he had once been. Grunting a bit, he straightened up and warily scanned the area around with his optics. He knew with as much dust that now coated his arm, he must be nearly as grey as the landscape around him. Mech planets were often devoid of much plant life. Once the population crashed, as theirs obviously had, they often became dead grey worlds. The only color was of the rust and corrosion from the rain trying to convert all they had once built - back into unliving, unchanged layers of silt and eventually stone..

Fetching the empty shot cube, his optics kept scanning the landscape all around. Not that he'd ever catch sight of a Guardian in ghost mode. He was certain she was there.. Somewhere close by.. His optics fell upon a small pool of water nearby. Deciding he might as well get some of the dust off of his armor, Ultra Magnus walked over to it and knelt next down at the edge. Seeing his reflection on the still surface, his optics widened in surprise. For the thick layer of dust which coated his helm, clearly showed the evidence of other's touch. Taking a deep intake of air, he knew she must be breaking through the horrors within her. "Whatever is compelling you deep within yourself.. The link between us that you cannot explain.. Is growing in strength.. Let it guide you through your demons.." he told her. Deciding not to wash any of the dust off, he gave his reflection one last appraising look.

After that day cycle of re-living more of his personal combat history, Ultra Magnus sat down heavily at the camp site he had picked out for the night. This time, he had set his peace offering at an angle directly in his line of sight. Taking his gun off it's clamp on his hip, he tossed it a fairly decent distance in front of him. He would now face her fully unarmed during the night. Not that it mattered when one was in deep defrag. It was to let her know that he was putting his faith… his very spark.. In her hands.

The last few rays of the setting star danced across his dust coated armor. He had now been wandering the battlefields for over half of Cybertron's orbit cycle now. His chassis begged him for a break from the never ending walk over rough ground. Begged him for a break from defragging in a sitting position. "Ugh, not as young as I used to be," Ultra Magnus groaned as he gave in and allowed himself to recline against some rubble. Stuffing the balled up cloak behind his helm, he got himself half of a shot of his green energon. Walking consumed so much more energy for a big mech like himself, than driving did.

Letting his leg units finally go completely flat on the dirt, he let out a soft groan of enjoyment. It felt good to actually try to relax for the first time in over half an orbit cycle. Holding his small energon ration up as if to toast with the cloaked Seeker, he said "here's to healing our metas!" and then gulped his half ration down. This time, as he resumed talking about his own deep personal issues from eons of suffering from untreated memory echoes, He kept his optics glued to the blue energon shot across from his position. He prayed that she would eventually drink it in front of him.

That night, his prayers were not answered. Despite looking from his discarded gun, to him and then to the blue energon that she craved so much. The femme just couldn't bring herself to trust enough to go drink it while he watched. Her memory echoes forced her to keep her guard up around one of the commanders within them. Finally, she watched as he let out a sigh of defeat, gave up waiting on her and apparently allowed himself to drift into defrag.

Darting over, the cloaked Seeker quickly downed the shot and then moved to a different position to observe the defragging form. Over the astro hours, she slowly worked her way to his side. Kneeling down with her cannon aimed at his face plate, she found her entire frame shaking. Her core fighting the echoes as she found herself horrified to be looking at his face plate - while pointing her cannon directly at it. Somehow pointing her cannon at his helm, when she could not see his face, had been far easier to do for all these week cycles. Seeing his face as he lay there completely unawares and defenseless in defrag, tore through those memory echoes involving him in battle. Involving him - killing some of the lives she now re-lived.

Her airframe shaking, she removed her cannon from his faceplate. The blue energon was working it's magic in her systems. Calming her processors.. Pushing the memory echoes to the back of her processors. She blinked a few times as she looked down upon his frame. Her meta finally experiencing a moment of clarity after all these months of confusion and horror. Her processor was finally able to go through the many weeks of data collected as she had ghosted him during his journey. All of his one sided conversations during those long evenings. Everything he'd finally admitted..

She so desperately wanted to believe his statements that there might be a path forward for them! A path through treatment. Glumly, she sat down next to him. Setting her chin upon her knee servos, she curled her arms around her thrusters and allowed tears to flow. She was a daughter of Megatron, the Guardian Allspark, and she had mentally broken down. She had no right to call herself a true daughter of his anymore. No right to call herself a Matron. She was weak inside. She was a failure.. A total and complete failure…She could not go back and see the judgement in Chromitron's optics. The judgement in all of their optics. "I'm a failure.. I..can't go back," she whispered to the unconscious mech.

Shifting her weight to sit on a hip, she leaned over him. Her tears dripped on his grill as she reached out to caress his chin guard. "Why did I have to be somehow fixated upon a mech who's so fragged up inside - you've never even had a single long term relationship?" Leaning over his still form, her cockpit pressed into his grill as she brought her face plate close to his. "And why can't I get over you - now that I know?" With that, she gave him a quick kiss - and then disappeared in warp.

Unbeknownst to her, he had been merely pretending to be in defrag. He needed to know what she was doing around him when she thought he was out of it. It had been a struggle to not pull her into his arms. Tell her that her fears of failure were unfounded. That everyone would be thrilled upon her return. But he knew she wasn't ready for that yet. She had just started to break through the echoes. Now she faced the long road of accepting her internal weaknesses. Not allowing his optics to activate and blow his feigned defrag act, Ultra Magnus's lip components did curl up in a slight smile. The hardest part of his mission was almost over now, the recovery of the AllSpark could now begin.

With that final thought, he relaxed as he entered true defragmentation….

….

The golden rays of the rising star glinted across Ultra Magnus's filth coated armor. No shine remained. The last layer of wax finally worn off. As he slowly rose, he looked every bit the exhausted soldier he had been during the war. Yet, his optics shown with a hopeful glow, now that he knew he'd finally made some progress to the completion of the most important mission of his existence.

Looking down at his hood, he clearly saw the dried tears that he had felt the femme shed in the darkness. Touching those dried drips in the thick layer of dust, warmth filled him. She was slowly breaking through her processor lock! With renewed purpose, he forced his aching bearings and linkages to move. As he walked to it, he reached down and picked up his gun. Securing it on his hip as he picked up the empty shot cube. For just a moment, he turned the empty cube with his digits and stared at the reflections of the morning light. It was amazing and appalling just how addicted she was to the blue energon. It was both his greatest tool to help her with - and something they would struggle with if they tried once again at a relationship. With a resigned sigh, he stored it back in his cab. For now, he had to use her dependence on it to pull her back into reality. They would hopefully deal with the repercussions of using that tactic - later after she was mentally strong again. Throwing on the cloak, he began his daily walk through time.

After another exhausting day cycle reliving memories, he ended up at another group of abandoned buildings. Taking his gun off of his hip, he once again tossed it out of his reach. Pulling two shot cubes out of his cab, he filled one with the blue energon and set it down just arm's length away. Getting out his very last cube of green energon, he looked at the now empty main cube. He was totally out of his energon supply. Within a couple day cycles or less, his systems would enter starvation mode. As it was, he'd been rationing himself for nearly a half an orbit cycle, and had been functioning right above starvation mode.

He glanced around him at the emptiness of the abandoned buildings. If she was truly becoming cognisant of reality - she would be fully aware of his now life threatening predicament. As his systems began to shut down non essential processes in a desperate attempt to conserve energy, he would become weak to the point of total helplessness. He downed his last half ration. His life would truly be in her hands now. As a Guardian, she produced the energon needed to save him. He was now going to test just how strong her unexplainable link with him really was.

Setting himself in a reclined position, he once again began to discuss future possibilities for them with treatment. A future they could face together. Grow together.. Heal together.. For several astro hours he discussed it with the emptiness around him. Knowing full well, she was hearing every word.

Yet again, he pretended to drift into defrag. His chassis reclined against the rumble as he had done the night cycle before. His audio receptors keyed up to hear the slightest movement, as he deactivated his optics and slowed his engine. He waited for an astro-hour like that. Waited for her to come…

The slightest scrape of the shot cube being lifted was his only clue she was now next to him. He heard her drink it in a single gulp. Then he heard her set it down. He felt something against the side of his helm. Knew for certain it was her cannon. She held it to his helm for many spark wilting astro minutes. Yet he never heard the tell tale sounds of weapons system activation. It tapped his helm as she apparently dropped her arm out of firing position, right as a soft but agonizing sob left her lips. The mental anguish he heard in that sob, tore at his core. The femme fighting through the demons of war - that were never hers to bear. He struggled to force himself to stay in apparent defrag. To let her work herself out of it..

"Why?" she whispered in a desperate tone, "Why did you do this Father?" She leaned over the still form. Her optics seeing a hole blasted through him. She ran her digits over the damage her memories overlaid onto the living mech. Bending over the lifeless chassis she saw in her meta, she wrapped her arms around it. "You took him from us," she sobbed against his hood. "You destroyed what we both needed." For a long while, she sobbed against what she saw as a corpse.

Ultra Magnus contemplated on her words as he continued to remain totally still. True, he had seen need in Megatron's optics as the mech had watched him tortured during his final day cycles. He had seen Megatron look away in anguish as he had pleaded for him to not torture Cyberton anymore. But the mech had gotten himself trapped by his own false propaganda. He had created a false narrative and was forced by his believers to follow it through to the end. This femme was half of that mech's spark. Had there actually been this deep connection between his spark and her father's as well? Had that very connection been passed through his very sparkfire to her? Was this the root of the deep fixation they both apparently had towards him?

He was brought out of his silent contemplations as the femme finally seemed to pull herself out of it. She ran her hands along his armor where he'd been blasted through. As if she was telling herself he was repaired.. He was resparked.. He heard her whisper his name a few times. Heard her whisper she'd get him resparked and all would be well. Knowing she was not fully into the current reality, but was at least in her OWN memory echoes, he kept himself still. Even as her hands began to move gently along his helm. Her buffing rag wiping off the accumulated grime on his faceplate. Then she kissed the top of his helm and was gone…

Shifting himself to be more comfortable, Ultra Magnus finally allowed himself to go into actual defrag…

….

Another day cycle began. With a grunt, he slowly rose to his peds. Every linkage was screaming at him to take a cycle of rest. To allow his internal repair systems some type to repair the damage that walking for months on end had done to his linkages and bearings. Big grounders like himself were not designed to walk for long distances cycle after cycle, they were designed to drive it. Their tires and heavy duty shocks took the punishment. Ignoring his chassis' pleas, he donned his cloak and began to walk again. Though this time, he was going to take Telanium's advice.

"Your daughter, Telanium, and I have grown quite close since you left to find yourself," he told the emptiness around him. Though he knew her audios were capturing every word. "In many ways, she's become my adopted daughter spark. Every Time she finished her training shift, she would come and follow me around until my shift was over. We held each other as we both grieved your absence." He paused as he remembered those sweet, innocent, purple optics looking up into his with pure youthful adoration. "Guardian younglings are pure innocence, Xenon. They are that way, because of the horrors you put yourself through. You give them a fresh start. Even as you give the corpses you recycled the proper honor of remembering their lives" He felt that he needed to tell her how at least Autobots would view her battles with the memory echoes. Autobots would consider it a great honor to be not only remembered by the leader of the New Nation - but hopefully learned from as well. Since Shockwave had destroyed all of Cybertron's long history when he had destroyed every Autobot mainframe and Alpha Trion's Protocols, the history of Cybertron now resided within Ultra Magnus's processors - as well as the thousand lives now imprinted on her processors.

He stumbled a bit over some rough ground. Catching himself, he straightened back up and continued walking - as well as discussing Telanium. "She told me that you always said she reminded you of yourself as a youngling. That you once dreamed of a life that no Guardian could ever have." As he walked, he lifted an arm and flipped back a panel to expose the controls for his external audio system. "That you once dreamed of peace and being an artist who lived a life of music. That you never wanted to be a soldier, trained to survive through the worst imaginable scenarios your foreMatrons had recorded."

He sighed as he looked over the devastation of his world. "Now you write songs that give life to the souls we have lost.. Souls you now know so personally." The melancholy chords of one of the songs she had secretly recorded began to play. Her voice ringing out so clearly over the devastation. He found himself automatically stepping in time with the music. Music that was so fitting in it's mournful sadness - yet beauty.

As he walked silently and let her own music speak for him. He began to contemplate on how she had the soul of an artist. Life as Megatron's daughter spark must have been difficult at best. The expectations would've been very high. It made sense why Chromitron had spoken of her struggle to meet those expectations. She was not a natural fighter. Not a natural warrior. "Your dreams were crushed - long before your fateful warp that brought you here. Weren't they?" He asked during a break between songs. "You already hid a darkness within you before your first activation as Allspark. Didn't you?"

He went silent as the next of her songs began. Her melodies and refrains held so much more meaning - now that he understood the silent struggle she faced. He began to wonder if they could ever each be strong enough - to actually make each other a good mate. Or were they both so fragged up inside, that it was a lost cause. This particular song seemed to be hitting on that very subject. Two lost souls finding each other - and then one tragically dying to a stray bullet. "We are both lost souls. Are we not?" he asked the silence around him during the song break. "We both hid our demons from everyone. Including each other. Demons that perhaps only we can understand. Can accept."

The next song began. This one seemed different from the others. It seemed to be almost her own plea. Her own plea for someone to prove their love - by finding her. True, the imagery included in the words were obviously from his world. Were obviously from memories of others within her. But the gist of the repeated chorus struck a sensory fiber within him. He remembered her looking up at him with drunk optics, those first few months he had taken care of her during her recoveries. He hadn't seen the desperation in them back then. He had been too annoyed dealing with her obnoxious teasing, to really ever have cared to study her expression. He had been completely oblivious to her real need.

He paused the music in between songs. His core felt too heavy to listen to more of them right now. "If I had just paid attention, I might've noticed the desperation you felt. Noticed it - before frustration began to overwhelm your ability to control the echoes." He gave a heavy sigh, as he actually stopped walking for a moment. Turning slowly in a circle, he scanned his surroundings. True, he knew he wouldn't be able to detect her. But he wanted her to know he was trying to. "I'm just a soldier Xenon. A soldier who has always avoided love. A soldier who doesn't know HOW to love the way you so desperately need." He slowly turned in a circle again, holding out his arms in the intergalactic gesture of surrender. "Honestly, I wish you'd been fixated on a better mech than I. But I am willing to try to give you what you need."

As he had expected, Only the sound of the wind rustling through the rusted remains of the bombed out buildings around them answered him. Kneeling down on one knee, he touched his helm in the gesture of subservience that Cybertronians used. "I'm here to prove my loyalty to you - by finding you. When you are ready - I am here for you. I wait for you."

Standing back up, he slowly continued on his way. This time in absolute silence. Only the sounds of his unmaintained bearings broke it. Here and there he stumbled a bit, as his starved systems had a difficult time in equalizing his hydraulic pressure. Ignoring his system's pleas for sustenance and rest, he kept going.

In the safety of her cloaking, Xenon had indeed been listening to every word he'd spoken. The fact that he'd called her daughter - his adopted daughter - meant more to her than he would ever realize. Her own songs wafting in the wind, brought back her early struggles in dealing with the echoes. When she'd seek to give them life again - through her music. Music she hid from all but a cherished few of her younglings. It wasn't that she was ashamed of her songs. No. It was just that she'd been taught as a sparkling, that music had no value in the Guardian world. So she hid it from her brother and her nieces and nephews. Which meant she hid it from almost all.

When he had actually caught the true meaning behind her one song about proving one's love, her spark had actually skipped a beat. She had hidden the true meaning of it - behind other lives now living within her. He had admitted that he didn't know how to love. But he had sworn his loyalty to her. Given his oath to try to give her the love she so desperately needed. Circling around his slowly walking form, she finally felt no hostility towards him. No urge to point her cannon at him. Though she wasn't ready to actually talk to him yet. She couldn't yet shake the emotion of being a waste of a femme Guardian. A weak Guardian who perhaps was best off as a dead Guardian… living as a ghost - until she became a ghost..

As darkness once again fell, Ultra Magnus made camp again. Tossing his gun out of reach, he filled up her shot glass and set it next to him. His nearly empty power core screamed at him to drink it - he steadfastly refused. Something told him she'd been with him all day. That it was her and not the memory echoes which had listened to her own songs and his words. She was not yet ready to come out of ghost mode. But he sensed she was nearing that point.

Once again, she waited until he appeared to go into defrag before slipping over and drinking the blue energon down. An audible sigh of relief left her lips as the medication rolled through her networks. The blue energon was not a source of energy for a Guardian, it was merely a sedative, a calming agent, even pain relief. Kneeling down next to his still form, she gently ran her digits along his filthy and unmaintained armor. He looked every bit the soldier he had once been. "We are opposites in every way. Why did Primus curse me - to need you?" she whispered. For a long time, she just knelt there, reveling in his warm living armor. "I'm a waste of an AllSpark," she whispered as her tears slowly dripped onto his windshield. With that, she was gone…

When he knew she'd left him, his lips curled up in a smile as he allowed himself to drift off into defrag..

Gathering his few belongings up the next morning, he ignored the pleas for energon coming from his systems. True, he COULD drink the medicated blue energon. But he refused to. That was for her and her alone. No. He was going to push his depleted systems to the brink. Force the femme to pull him back from the edge. Bring her fully back to reality. She was still deeply attached to him. She would not let him die again. With a determined grunt, he began to set one ped in front of another again. His voice was already much weaker as he began to relive his past mistakes towards her for another day.

Their star was now at its zenith in the sky as he started up a long hill. He staggered as his energon levels dipped below critical. "Xenon, help me," he said in a low voice as he forced himself to take another weak step. Focusing on the summit he wanted to reach by nightfall, he struggled to take another step. Going down hard on his knee plates, his systems finally gave out. Collapsing there, he lay face down on the road. Totally helpless now. His optics barely glowed as he more than understood he was now in critical condition. He prayed that this was what she needed to fully pull through. "Xenon," he whispered over and over again.

...

Hello, anyone still reading this? Or am I the only one trapped in these plot bunnies...