Trigger Warning talk of Self Harm in this chapter.
and BABOUTUNT I have never skated professional. I'm just super Obsessed with the spot for over 25yrs lol
Olivia drove Alex for an hour and half out to the beach she goes to. They got out of her nineteen sixty four mustang convertible. Olivia grabbed her camera as she led the way to start a hike. They walked past the grass to make it past the sand. The big rocks met the water beautifully.
"Oh wow." Alex exhaled seeing the quiet beach. "Where and how did you find this place."
Olivia didn't want to think about the day she had a big fight with her mother in a drunken episode and she just needed to get away. "Oh, I needed to get away for a day. I took the train out here and I just found it." Olivia shrugged her shoulders.
Alex watched Olivia hold back an honest answer. "Why did you need to get away? And it helped you here?"
"Uhh… It was a family issue." Olivia's voice shook for the first time in front of Alex. "Hike in the woods or walk on the beach?" Olivia pointed to the trail behind Alex away from the beach.
Alex looked at the trail "I don't do spiders." Alex confessed.
Olivia laughed at the statement, "Then I will be there to move it." Olivia knew with that statement she would rather be underneath the trees instead of sand in the toes. She walked towards the woods.
"Olivia, seriously I will freak if I see one." Alex stepped in front of Olivia.
"You'll be fine." Olivia continued her walk.
Alex watched the brunette not listen to her. She sighed out of nerves to follow Olivia. They must have hit wood at the right time. The birds were singing to each other in the trees. Alex looked up to see the bright blue sky through the trees, something you don't see in the city.
Olivia caught the smile from Alex on her face. She liked seeing an innocence on the blonde. Olivia lifted her camera to snap a couple shots of Alex looking up through the trees. Alex slowly looked towards Olivia as she heard the camera shuttered. "Oh sorry." Olivia lowered the camera. "The light and your smile was perfect."
"Don't be." Alex's warm smile was still on her face. "Can I see?" She stepped closer to Olivia as she held the camera.
"Sure," Olivia leaned in to show Alex the pictures of her with the warm light and trees in the background. "They're beautiful. Don't apologize for taking pictures. I don't want to take away from your talent." Alex walked away from the close proximity.
Olivia smiled at Alex as she walked away. She snapped another picture of Alex's putting her arms out so she could feel the wind through her fingers. She moved quickly to catch up with Alex. "Okay no apologies. Can I ask you a question?"
Alex shrugged her shoulders as she grabbed a leaf off a tree to start fidgeting with the leaf. "Sure."
"What happened four years ago?" Alex's ears perked up with Olivia's question. She looked towards the brown eyes. "Well when I looked at the trophy case, there is a medal for every year except for four years ago. Why?"
"Only if you ask me one first." Olivia nodded. Alex wanted to get the true answer out of Olivia. "Why do you have the need to have sex with so many woman."
Olivia scoffed at the judgemental question. "How many people have you sex with?"
"That's not an answer." Alex didn't understand why Olivia avoids personable questions.
"True but why does it matter? I like to have a good time?"
"I have had sex with four people." Alex responded to one of Olivia's questions, "And it doesn't matter, it's your life you can do what you want. But I was just curious if maybe you have trouble trying to find something? Have you ever been in love with someone?" Alex turned their walk into twenty one questions.
"Uh."Olivia sighed out, "Yeah once."
"Finally an answer." Alex smiled, "Was it Kathy?"
"Yeah it was," Olivia watched their footsteps move on the trail. "When I was with her I never thought about being with anyone else. I even thought about marrying her."
"And now she is with her highschool boyfriend and uses you for sex." Alex calmly stated understanding Olivia, "Doesn't it hurt your gut every time she goes into your bed? Or are you a masochistic?"
Olivia laughed at the comment, "Maybe, Maybe it's some weird fucked up way I get to be with her."
"So you are one masochistic. If you can't be with her why torture yourself?" Alex enjoyed this deep conversation.
"I'm not sure. It's easier to return to someone I've connected with than to open to someone else." Olivia cleared her throat, trying to figure out words to respond to Alex.
"So the sex a push away factor." Alex smiled loving that she is right about figuring out Olivia. "Olivia." Alex touched Olivia's arm to stop them, "You can trust people."
Olivia's family life wasn't so trustworthy, "Yeah tell me the next time your mother controls your program." Olivia walked away from Alex not wanting to be analyzed, "Or the next time you have to come out to your mother again."
Alex was shocked with Olivia's lashing out comment. "Olivia." She grabbed Olivia's hand to get her to stay.
Olivia quickly took back her hand, "Just forget it." She softly said.
Alex stood there on the trail to watch Olivia walk away from her. She slowly followed the brunette not to upset her more. She saw Liv sitting down under a tree. She could see Olivia's pain. "Look I didn't mean to upset you." Alex sat down next to her. "I was just saying you don't have to push everyone away." Alex leaned against the tree.
Olivia knew she shouldn't have snapped at Alex just asking questions. "I'm sorry that was outlined," She leaned back on the tree next Alex, "I've learned in my twenty five years that people suck. And they either let you down or walk out of your life so what's the point of making a connection?"
Alex took Olivia's hand, "I'm not going away." She really couldn't explain why just had the need to be around Olivia. She usually walks away from people who speak to her like that.
Olivia looked at their hands and met the blue eyes, "You say that now."
"After you insulted my career, and I'm still here." Alex smiled, "I'm not going anywhere."
Olivia watched her fingers play with Alex's hand. She wouldn't stop tracing Alex's scar on her hand, "Did that hurt?"
Alex looked into the brown eyes. She knew that she was completely safe with Olivia. She raised her hand for both of them to see her scar. "No." she responded.
"How did you get it?"
Alex returned to the brown eyes, "I did it to myself."
"Why?"
"Three years ago at nationals. When I told you my mom walked in on me with my girlfriend." Olivia nodded as she lowered Alex's hand. "It was during the nationals. The night before the long program. Mom wasn't supposed to be there until the morning of the long, but there was a sponsor she wanted to meet. She came early into my room. She went off and dropped Coach for a week." Alex's eyes began to water thinking about that moment.
"Why didn't your coach have anything to do with that?"
Alex nodded, "We were both her skaters. And she knows everything about us. I trust her with everything. So mom knew that we were both lying. So for my long, I didn't have Liz by my side. And I fucked up my first three jumping passes and I was completely off. I placed fourth and lost out on my shot for the Olympics. All because I got in my head because my mother took everything I worked for in one night." Alex wiped her tears away as she sobbed out a laugh to lighten the mood. "So I purposely held my blade into my palm and my mom started talking to me. And I squeezed harder and I finally felt something that whole day."
Olivia sighed out of confession, "You should never be ashamed of your scars."
"You don't get it. I have grown up in the skating world. I watched girls suffer through eating disorders and self harm and I pledged I would never get to that point in my life. And after that moment I released the demon. It went on for about a year." Alex's voice shook while thinking about her past experiences.
"How did you get yourself to stop?" Olivia was curious on how Alex was able to overcome her self harm.
"Trevor busted me one day, and Donnelly forced me to take therapy or she would drop me." Alex explained.
Olivia held Alex's hand, and positioned herself to look at Alex. "We all have demons to fight." She knew about trouble with demons with her mother drinking and her half brother. "It's whether we can be truthful and face them."
"Please," Alex rolled her eyes, wiping her tears once again, "What do you know? You can't even admit to yourself you push people away."
Olivia's heart was bleeding at how vulnerable Alex let herself be with Olivia. She knew about demons and secrets, "My mother was a rape victim." she blurted out to the watery eyes.
"What?" Alex was shocked at the comment.
"She was raped and had me. She could never get over it or having me. So she turned to alcohol. My childhood wasn't the greatest, she certainly didn't treat me well. She nearly lost it when I found out I had and started talking to him. That was short lived."
"Why what happened?" Alex was intrigued with Olivia's story.
"He had his own problems. He was addicted to the needle and ODed." Olivia sighed out, "So I know about demons and have reasons for not trusting people. If my own blood can make my life hard then why would strangers be different?" Olivia softly explained.
They looked into each other's pain in their eyes. They both enjoyed a moment of trusting something full heartedly. "Wow what a way to destroy a moment." Alex laughed out.
"No." Olivia uttered, "No, this moment was destroyed." Olivia placed her hand on her shoulder. "Or at least think it didn't ruin it." Olivia looked at her hand's placement and quickly removed it. She slid down to lay on the ground.
Alex smiled at Olivia's actions. She propped herself on her elbows to look at the brunette, "I don't think so. Thank you for trusting me with information and your place."
Olivia mirrored Alex's position. "I'm going to blame you if you prove me right." Olivia caressed Alex's cheek as she rang her fingers through Alex's hair.
Goosebumps formed all over Alex's body. "I like to prove people wrong." Alex's gently pushed Olivia's back to the ground. She gave into Olivia's fingers to fall on her chest. Olivia laughed at herself, being the first time in a long time having a girl in her arms and not wanting sex. "What?" Alex looked up to Olivia.
Olivia looked down to the blonde, "It's nothing I'm just taking it all in." Olivia's fingers rubbed up and down Alex's back.
They took a small nap under the trees. Olivia drove them back to her apartment after their outing. They met in Amanda in the hallway.
"Hey," She smiled at the duo. "What are you two doing together."
"Oh well," Olivia started.
"I ran into Olivia outside, I thought you might want company tonight figuring you had a long practice." Alex interrupted Olivia not wanting Amanda to know about their day.
Amanda stepped closer to the duo. "That's so sweet." Amanda kissed Alex. Olivia felt her heart like it was stabbed with the sight of the kiss. "I would love the company but I think your roommate might miss you." Olivia quickly unlocked the door to escape the public display of affection.
Alex stepped back holding Amanda's hand, "Oh I'm not worried about Casey, she's a big girl." Olivia left the duo to get a bottle of water.
"Well I like the surprise." Amanda leaned in for another kiss.
Alex stepped away once again as she watched the quiet Olivia in the kitchen. "I'm gonna use the bathroom." Alex kissed her cheek.
Amanda stepped next to her quiet roommate, "Hey are you okay?"
"Yeah." Olivia whispered as she drank the water.
"Are you sure?" Amanda tapped Olivia's arm, "How's your mom?"
"I don't know I didn't see her today. So she probably still hates me."
"Okay so if it's not Mom, then what's going on in that head of yours?" Amanda questioned her dear friend.
"I'm starving, do you two want to order take out?" Alex walked back into the kitchen. Alex took the water out of Amanda's hand to take a sip. Alex locked eyes with Olivia.
"I would love to." Amanda walked over to the take out drawer. "Olivia what are you in the mind for."
"I can't." She broke the trance, "I have to get ready for work." Olivia needed to get away from the blondes, and retreated to her bedroom.
I hope you folks enjoy thanks for the support