A/N: In a way I love this chapter cause it says a few things the book never accomplished. And it gives Grandma Mazur a bit (or a lot) of credit...
I don't really know what I had expected. It wasn't like I felt I would talk to Joe and all of a sudden see clarity and the answers I wasn't so sure about. It wasn't like I expected to find answers from anyone, like the more I talked about this the more perspective I gained and would all of a sudden know what to do. As a matter of fact, I knew what to do to some degree. That I was hesitant in my reply of accepting Ranger's idea should have said anything. If I had doubts and uncertainties than that was for a reason. And that reason was me knowing I didn't have what it takes. I didn't have any knowledge or idea about what I was doing and Joe had been right when he thought this was a joke.
Everything in my life was a joke if I was being honest. I was a joke at my job and most often really did just get lucky instead of knowing what I did. I was at an age where I should start thinking about marriage and starting a family, having my life in order, buying a house and settling down, taking care of others. Instead I lived paycheck to paycheck and technically let others take care of me. Like my parents, where I was having dinner regularly in order to save some money or to pretend to be the good daughter that my mother wanted to have but I failed at being miserably. Like tonight, when I was at my parents place for dinner, going more or less through the motions of just being here.
"You had called earlier. Everything alright?" my mother asked after the first part of dinner had been taken care of.
"Not…really," I said, seeing all three pairs of eyes look at me. "I got some news yesterday – or rather some days ago and then again some more news on top of that yesterday and… it hasn't been really easy."
"Oh, god, is it cancer?" my mother asked all of a sudden, looking horrified and shocked, but on an odd level not very concerned. Or maybe that was just my imagination. My mother was usually fairly good at masking her emotions. Well, most of them anyway.
"No," I said quickly before she got the completely wrong idea. "It is nothing like that. And nothing in that regards really. It is more… in regards of someone else."
"I told you pushing Joe always away like you did would eventually mean he'd get tired of you and find someone else. Did he dump you? It isn't too late to fix this. We… we go and find some nightwear that appeals to him, then you go over there and make sure he knows you are ready for him and ready to commit to a life with him. And then you make sure he gets you pregnant."
For a moment I wasn't entirely sure what to say to her next thought. I found it fascinating on a weird level how the mentioning of me getting some news and then also it not being related to me as such meant for my mother either cancer or that I was single again. There was a part of me that wondered what would upset my mother more, but it was a morbid question and definitely one I also didn't want an official answer to. The fact that mother's fix to her second assumption seemed to be for me to get pregnant and then therefore lock Joe in some sort of marriage-relationship and be set for life was a typical thought my mother would come up. For her a woman's life foal had to be marriage, children and becoming the most perfect Burg-wife. She almost had it all with Valerie until her picture-perfect fairytale came crumbling down. But… that was another story. The idea that there were women out there who didn't see their purpose in life simply being a mother, wife and managing the household seemed absurd to my mother. As absurd as I was probably to her. But it was a battle I had long given up on winning – or continuing for that matter.
"It isn't Joe either. As a matter of fact we just had lunch earlier today, so all if well in that regards," I said, deciding on not mentioning our exchange in regards of Ranger's last request. I would get into that sooner or later anyway. No reason to dip my toes into that water right now.
"If it isn't Joe or your health what on earth other news could you have received?" she asked irritated, before looking shocked again at me. "Are you with child? Is it from someone else? From that thug you hang out with all the time? Stephanie, I warn you if this is…."
"It isn't," I said loudly. I found her train of thought odd to say the least, but also so very predictable when you thought about it. My mother was the typical Burg-wife. She was looking after her family, took care of the house and participated in every piece of gossip she could get her hands on. For her reputation was everything and everyone's opinion on you and her was her daily life. God forbid the neighbors saw someone from her family doing something scandalous or indecent – or what they considered scandalous or indecent. So the fact that her first reactions had been Joe and me splitting or me being with child from someone else who wasn't my romantic partner were just her normal way or thinking. The fact that her very first and initial thought had been for me and my health gave me a glimpse of hope that her Burg instincts didn't always win.
"What is it, pumpkin?" my grandmother finally asked, probably sensing my patience was starting to run thin.
"My friend Ranger died a few days ago," I finally said without further ado. I didn't volunteer any more information or detail. Just… this. And the reactions I received couldn't have been wider apart. While my grandmother reached for my hand and looked anguished at my admission, my mother had an odd look of indifference and my dad looked torn.
"I'm sorry, Stephanie," my mother said, but just like Joe already she didn't look like she meant it. For her it was a motion, a manner that was taught to her. I didn't expect her to start crying and brawling about how sad it made her, but something that would actually symbolize she knew or rather felt my pain and loss would have been nice. "But now that he is no longer in the picture I guess there is no reason for you to get serious with Joseph."
Shock didn't even quite cover the emotion I was feeling when my mother's word sunk in. Disgust was closer to actually describing my emotions right now. I knew my mother never had been a fan of Ranger and his men and despite everything they ever did he still only made it as a thug on my mother's list. But me telling her of his passing with her only reaction seeming to be that I finally would stop being torn between two men was taking the cake. "I…," I started confused and irritated, trying to find the right words in a situation like this.
"Helen, how could you say such an absolute horrid thing? A human being just died!" I heard my grandmother interrupt me. "I am certain I raised you better than that. And… your daughter just lost a dear friend of hers. So I think instead of pawning her of to Joseph Morelli you should spent a few moments mourning her loss. You might not have liked her friend, but that doesn't mean you can't at least support your daughter in these dark times. You don't have to cry for him, but maybe be considerate of your words and give her time to come to terms with the loss of a friend."
My grandmother's words were what I needed to find my own words.
"I don't expect you to cry, just as grandma said. But maybe you'd like to think about the following for a moment: he saved my life. Several times at that. So thanks to him, you actually have the possibility of trying to get me settled with Joe. Because if he hadn't saved me as often as he did, you would have had to bury me a long time ago. And with me that grand dream of getting more grandchildren or having me finally do something that makes you and further more – or even more importantly – the Burg proud. And don't let me mention that thanks to Ranger you are still alive, because maybe you remember, he saved your life once as well. So…. No I don't expect you to be distraught or sad over his passing, but maybe a little gratitude for everything he did for this family without ever asking for anything in return would go a very long way."
"What is the other news you received?" my dad asked, surprising every one of us, seeing that usually he stays silent throughout dinner – unless Grandma Mazur did something outrageous.
"Hu?" I asked him quizzically.
"You said, you received some news a few days ago and then some more news yesterday. What news did you receive yesterday?"
"Ranger would like to see me taking over his position in his company."
"Over my dead body," was the first reaction at the table and of course it was from my mother. "You can't be serious. This… this would be suicide. The things these men do and go for. No way in hell. And what kind of message does that sent?"
"Message?" I asked confused, not sure what she was talking about.
"Well, when Joseph Morelli asks you to become his wife and you run this company… of some guy that isn't your husband. People will talk and not in an admiring way. Also when exactly would you have time to care for your children, husband and the house when you run a company? And… you aren't even qualified to just take over a company like that. Your business degree is from years ago and you had little to no exposure in that regards. Let alone have you never held a position like this. And running around with all these men who have less than stellar reputations and probably ulterior motives at the same time and… no way…"
"Mom, this isn't really up to you, you know? And we aren't living in the 50s where women couldn't work and raise a family simultaneously. Times have changed and these days both is possible."
"These days the rate in divorce has like quadrupled," was her counter-argument and I should have known that no matter what I did or would ever achieve it wouldn't matter as long as I didn't have a child and a husband to present with my success. Because a husband and child equaled success in my mother's universe. Financial success was always a man's job. The woman had to take care of the child, the house and the husband – that should be here field of success. I shouldn't have been surprised that my mother and my boyfriend had the same opinion on that matter without even knowing. But then again, these two were two peas in a pod and equal on every level and in agreement with their opinions without even knowing.
I realized that I had gotten what I had come for – an opinion on that matter. I might not have necessarily agreed with it, but I couldn't complain. When you ask for opinions or seek for advice you can't be picky when the replies are not all to your liking. But then again, I didn't even know what I wanted to hear to begin with.
Desert was a quiet affair, with my mother talking about one thig or another – as if nothing ever happened. And maybe for her, that was the case. The fact that Ranger was dead didn't bother her because she didn't know him and apart from a handful of times never interacted with him either. All she knew were the stories and hearsay she was told and the eyewitness reports from god knows what outlandish rumor. So after desert was served and finished, it was like my cue to leave.
Standing outside on my parent's porch and looking down on the badly lit street, I was contemplating where to go next. Technically I only had really one option – my apartment. But something held me back to get right into my car and drive away. Especially after the night I had. But then again, Plum family dinners never were the happy hallmark moment.
I heard the door being opened behind me and a moment later my grandma stood next to me.
"Since no one has actually bothered asking, what is your opinion on your friend's last request, baby girl?" she asked into the otherwise quiet night.
"Does it matter?" I asked partially amused.
"It is your life and he was your friend, so I guess your own opinion should matter the most, shouldn't it?"
"Truth is, I really don't know. Ever since this was dropped on me yesterday I have been trying to find an answer to what might be an impossible question. I would like to know what he thought or made him decide to pick me. What… did he see that makes him think I could do what he asks of me?" I asked, looking up into the clear night sky and watching the shimmering of the stars.
"I can't tell you about him since I didn't know him well enough for that sort of opinion."
"Then what can you tell me?" I almost begged, feeling ridiculous a moment later.
"So much," my grandmother laughed next to me. "But I think you don't want to hear most of that anyway, or aren't ready to hear it and more importantly believe it yet. The only thing I say is… that when you were eight and decided on jumping from the garage roof in an aim to be Wonder Woman… now is your chance to be just that. Be Wonder Woman, in your own way and through your own measures. Go and finally fly, Baby Girl."
"So you think I should do it and run RangeMen?"
"No," she said, shaking her head, confusing me. "I think you need to listen to your heart and do what it tells you to do. You have always been driven by that part of your body the most, ignoring the most logical response or action, by going with what your heart told you to do and your gut reinforced. You don't need to listen to what Morelli seems to think fits so perfectly into his quaint little world but doesn't maybe seem to be a good fit for you. You don't need to listen to your mother in order to fulfil her lifelong and outdated quest of seeing you off with a guy and children and nothing more. You don't need to listen to anyone. No one other than you. Because if you do what you think feels right for you – regardless whether that is in order to comply with your friend's last request or not – you can never go wrong."
And then she left to go back inside. And for the first time since yesterday I actually felt a glimpse of hope coming up. It might not have been the straight forward 'do or don't do' direction, but it was an honest response that wasn't created by outdates ideals and believes that no longer could be applied to today's lives.
post-A/N: ****** Small spoiler so don't read if you don't want to know about future events ****
I started writing his return last night and apparently that was a lot harder than I had anticipated it would be :) I'm up for suggestions of how you guys think he should return and everyone's reactions therefore....