A/N This was a difficult chapter to write, one of the hardest I've written yet. Death is always difficult; whether it's sudden or you've had months to prepare for it. Because the end result is always the same. It's final. Over.

Thank you for taking the time to read it.

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January 28, 2015

Jason Gideon. Dead. Spencer sat in his car, still having trouble processing the information. It had to be a mistake. The last time he went out to Gideon's cabin, it had been empty. The person they found in it had to be a transient who just happened upon the cabin. Even though it had been several years since he last saw Gideon, Spencer knew he was out there. Somewhere.

The three-hour and thirty-eight-minute drive out to the backwoods of Roanoke seemed to go by quickly, but Spencer couldn't remember any of it, except leaving his parking space, the toll stops, and pulling up to the cabin.

It was still early, still dark; not even the grey morning light began to lift the darkness outside yet, and he couldn't even remember drinking any coffee. When Jennifer called him just after midnight, he changed into his clothes, grabbed his coat and scarf, and ran to his car. He must have been still half-asleep when he put on his tie. Not that he even recalled doing that.

He could feel the tears filling his eyes again, but couldn't seem to move. It had to be a mistake. It just had to. As if he didn't want to go in, his legs felt heavy as he walked up the steps and into the cabin. Spencer didn't even realize anyone was coming up the road behind him until Morgan and Garcia walked in. No one spoke until Garcia broke the silence.

"Are you sure?" She asked as the tears slid down her cheeks.

Hotch nodded, but just barely. "It's Gideon."

Spencer felt his eyes sting again. He turned and ran out, unable to go back in.

As he stood in front of the cabin, more Agents, the CSI team, and a few sheriff deputies arrived, and finally the Roanoke County Coroners. He couldn't move; his feet firmly set into the dirt and leaves. And he closed his eyes when he the body-bag covered stretcher was being brought out. Nothing could stem the tears filling his eyes as he heard the rear doors of the van close. In his pocket, tissues from someone—he couldn't remember who pressed them into his hand—barely held together.

He could hear Hotch talking to someone behind him about the unsub, but the words were muddled, and he finally opened his eyes. Morgan was heading to the SUV, so he followed, partly out of habit. Mostly because he had to get out of there. Neither spoke on the drive.

Knowing Gideon was out there… made it a little easier after he left the BAU. It was painful when he left, especially the way he left; suddenly, without any warning. At least there were no warning signs that Spencer recognized. There had been times in the past Gideon just needed some space. Every one of them in the BAU needed that from time to time.

From the SUV to the M.E.'s office, his legs felt even heavier, as if the heaviness in his heart weighed on not only his legs. His entire body felt that weight. He kept telling himself it was just a dream. Even as Dr. Weiss spoke to him and Morgan, it didn't seem real. Nothing about this seemed real. The Medical Examiner walked out of the room.

"Did you hear any of that?" Morgan had turned to him and said quietly, "He didn't suffer."

And then the realization hit him as the tears fell. It was real. Gideon was gone. A horrible finality. An ending that tore at Spencer. There would never, ever be another chance to talk or play a game of chess. Ever. Morgan gripped his shoulder.

"Listen to me. Listen to me. Sometimes you put up these walls and block us out. And you can't do that. Not right now. We need you, Kid." He gestured to the sheet-covered body on the table. "Gideon needs you. I'm going to step right out there. And when you're ready, let's go get this son-of-a-bitch."

Spencer nodded. And Morgan left the room. After a moment, Spencer said goodbye to his friend and mentor.