It had been a while since she had seen him. She hadn't expected to see him today. She had expected him to have moved on and forget her. Like you forget that last sock in the washer, that was how forgettable Ino felt. She felt like a wet sock in the laundry machine too.
He was already there when she had found her final destination. Ten deep blue roses were on the ground. Looking so sharp against the brown dirt and green grass, almost like they had been consumed by the frozen emotions surrounding the place. She had brought a potted plant herself. Convenient, it wouldn't wilt and die after a few days. It wouldn't last forever, just like the one they were visiting. Everyone had their end.
He looked over at her, but immediately went back only to look down on the emptiness of the ground. What a small token his roses had been. Like splurging on expensive flowers would make the emptiness in his heart more bearable. The emptiness he felt couldn't be filled by flowers, no thing or person could fill it. It was a gaping hole he would live with for the rest of his life.
It was safer to keep her at a distance, she would be at a distance if he couldn't see her. Not physically, but also mentally. He couldn't stand to look at her. Like it would open this wormhole of emotions he had long drowned in the empty void inside of him.
She took the opportunity to study him. He looked tired, unhealthy tired. The grey skin was a giveaway, it almost looked like wax in the daylight. The bags under his eyes were also prudent. He wasn't as good off as she had assumed him to be. He was aging, fast, like the time they had been apart had already stretched for decades. He looked some much older compared to when he had left her. He had been so angry the night they last had fought. So full of energy. They had picked their last fight, like all the others. They had sealed their faith.
It hadn't been so long, two years. It had been two years since he had left her, and she hadn't seen him since. They had needed their distance, and she still needed it. She had continued living her life without it, and she wasn't ready to let him in again. It was all too sore for him to come poking. She hadn't healed enough, perhaps she never would.
It made sense that he sought out the grave of their son today. It was three years since they had lost him. Deathaversery. There is no such thing, but perhaps to Ino there was. It signaled something important in her life. The day where she could put an end to one misery and go on to another. While she had been suffering due to her son's sickness, she had still had him. She had still been able to care for him, to hold him and let him know that she would never stop loving him.
A date that Ino could never forget, the day she had lost him. It would forever be with her, she'd forget his birthday before she forgot the date he died. She would never forget the day he died. It hadn't come as a surprise, but there was always a difference knowing something was going to happen and it happening. It's never a surprise, but you can never prepare for losing your child. It was nothing like she could imagine. How could you imagine losing your only child? You can't be prepared for losing your child.
Ino put her potted flowers on the ground. She'd plant them once she was alone. Crocuses, first flower to bloom and represented children. She hadn't expected her husband to think about the meaning of his blue roses. Mystery and rarity were one meaning, magical outlook on life another and even attaining the impossible. To her attaining the impossible would be being happy again. To her that was the impossible. To him it had already come.
Ino wasn't sure if she was supposed to say anything. If she was supposed to acknowledge his presence other than gawking at him. Someone more socially adapt than her would probably do something entirely different, act entirely different. She used to be more of a social butterfly. Now she was more a social slug if anything.
She didn't know what to ask him, how was the new wife and children? Seems like we're going to have a nice spring? Do you remember what it was like holding your son as he took his final breath three years ago? I sure do!
Ino didn't know what to say to him anymore. This man she had known for the majority of her life. He was now a stranger. The man she had shared her most intimate moments with. Every joy and what had been her biggest sorrow. The sorrow that had broken them. Ino couldn't help but to think about Temari and Shikamaru from her group, how they were heading in the same direction. She should have, she could have helped them. She saw the signs, but she also saw the love they still had for each other.
Unlike her husband who seemed to have forgotten about her as soon as they had finalized their divorce. That was the moment he had forgotten about his son in the grave and hysterical ex-wife. Ino knew the thought wasn't fair to him. That he too had been affected by their son's passing. It hadn't been easy on him.
Him being there today proved that he had not forgotten his son and perhaps had not forgotten her.
He raised his hand, let it slide though his hair. Still not entirely certain how to respond to the woman behind him. She had at one point been his everything and now they were like two trees in the forest. So much alike, but so far apart. Living their life separately. They who had once been tangled, seemingly never being able to part with each other.
They had been able to grow apart.
They had been able to grow into strangers.
He cleared his throat as to speak and turned around. His eyes met hers and her heart stopped beating. She knew it was a medical inaccuracy to say your heart stopped beating, but that was what happened. She was sure of it. She had experienced her heart skipping a beat, but now as she looked at him and he looked at her it had stopped beating entirely. It would only be a minute and some before she would fall on the ground, sure to be dying soon.
He gave her a brief alluring smile before the turned around again. Ironic how a death had also killed them. He sighed, there was nothing he could do about the past. That was why he was intent on making the present worth living.
Standing there in silence while Ino's eyes pierced his back like daggers was not taking advantage of all the wonders life had to offer. She hated him. She had blamed him for what had happened. She had blamed herself for what had happened. What had happened was none of their fault. There was nothing they could have done different to have saved their son. Life shouldn't be spent wondering "what if". The past was permanent. It couldn't be undone.
She hated him, he knew.
He had moved on, he had left her behind. He couldn't carry the both of them. He couldn't feel the same pain as her. They had existed of different levels unable to find common ground. He had to cut himself lose from her misery. It might have been a coward move of him. For better or for worse he had told her. Then he had left her at the moment she him the very most.
She had every right to hate him.
It was with heavy steps he left the graveyard. This wasn't how he wasn't how he'd imagined mourning his son. He hadn't expected to be haunted by his ex-wife and his past life. She looked different. He had a different image of her in his memories. In his memories she was laughing and smiling, always. He hadn't remembered how she had been after their son had been diagnosed with cancer.
That Ino wasn't his Ino. His wife too had died. She had died the day their son had gotten the diagnosis that would kill him."
"I still love you, Sai."
She whispered at his retreating back, because she would never again tell him that.