7. panic for a second (thinking 'we're through')
Er Kang, Er Tai and He Qi returned to Jing Yang Gong, feeling defeated. They should be more careful, considering the situation, but it seemed that Huang Hou was too drunk from triumph to much care about the Fu brothers' presence in her palace unchaperoned.
"I need to go speak to Huang Shang! I need to let him understand my feelings for Zi Wei!" Er Kang cried, after pacing around the receiving hall for what seemed like hours, during which time none of them came up with anything resembling a plan to rescue Xiao Hu, Zi Wei and Jin Suo.
"No, let me go," He Qi said, stepping into his path. "He will more likely listen to me right now."
"Let us both go!"
"No," she insisted. "Really, Er Kang. You can't go charging in declaring your love for Zi Wei now, that would just enrage Huang Ah Ma more. Just let me try and talk him gently around."
"And you think you can do that?" he demanded, clearly thinking it was a hopeless plan.
"I am his daughter," He Qi answered with more confidence than she felt.
"So is Zi Wei," Er Kang muttered darkly.
"And we will convince Huang Ah Ma to see that."
"Huang Ah Ma, could I talk to you, please?"
Her father glowered at her but did not say a word. He Qi took that to mean 'Yes'.
She approached him and knelt before him. "Huang Ah Ma, I kneel here to beg you to spare the lives of Xiao Hu and Zi Wei, Jin Suo. Even putting aside the fact that you have loved Xiao Hu as a son all this time, and the fact that Zi Wei is actually your daughter, I beg that you spare their lives for Er Kang's and my sakes as well."
"What on earth do you mean by that?" her father asked, narrowing his eyes at her. "And answer very carefully, He Qi. Do not think that I will let you get away with everything in this matter!"
"I do not wish to get away with everything," He Qi said quietly. "I only implore Huang Ah Ma to understand, that Er Kang has pledged his love to Zi Wei, and I to Xiao Hu, and we beg – "
"How dare you!" her father roared, and she could not help flinching a little. "Now that Er Kang is to marry Princess Sai Ya, you know you are destined for Er Tai. As for Er Kang, if he wasn't chosen by Princess Sai Ya – "
"I am not going to marry Er Tai!" He Qi blurted out. "We have long agreed that it would be a marriage neither of us want! And I don't think you can convince Er Kang to marry Sai Ya, either, Huang Ah Ma!"
"Convince? There is no convincing here! Er Kang would not dare defy an imperial decree! He would not have the gall! And you!" He tugged her to her feet, not too gently, but when their eyes met, she could see worry mixed into the fury. "What has he done to you? How has that scoundrel so seduced you that – "
"He hasn't!" He Qi insisted, blinking back tears. "Huang Ah Ma, you must not misunderstand. We have never done anything outside the bounds of propriety! You must believe me on that at least!"
"Nothing outside the bounds of propriety?" her father growled. "You pledged yourself to him! If that ever gets out, do you have any idea what the consequences might be for your reputation?"
"The only consequence is that I will marry him. Which is what I wish!" she said, determined.
"Are you hearing yourself?" her father shouted, letting go of her abruptly. "Are these the words of a lady? Of a princess? Everything you have said to me thus far has only proved that aside from the crime of deceiving the emperor, Zi Wei and Xiao Hu have also committed crimes of promiscuity and Xiao Hu the crime of seducing a princess! As if they did not deserve a death sentence already!"
"Xiao Hu has not seduced me any way!" He Qi cried. "Our love is pure and – "
"Pure? You speak of pledging yourself to him and yet you can still say that which you call your 'love' is pure? Your naivety blinds you, Daughter! You have no idea what men are like!"
He Qi felt it was rather rich of her father to rage about Xiao Hu's supposed seduction, when considering Xia Yu He certainly wouldn't have been the one to make the move to start the affair that resulted in Zi Wei.
"He hasn't laid a hand on me!" she declared. "He has never propositioned me for anything! If anything, I practically declared my feelings for him first!"
"Which only goes to show that the likes of Zi Wei have been a horrible influence on you!" her father cried, both furious and pained. "The daughter I had before they came along would never behave in such brazen, unashamed manner!"
"Huang Ah Ma, I would have thought you, of all people, would understand! You must know what it is like when you cannot help your feelings, when you cannot control your heart. After all, this entire situation arose because – "
"How dare you! Are you saying that this whole situation is my fault?" her father roared.
He Qi immediately realised her mistake and forced herself to lower her voice. "Huang Ah Ma – "
"This has been enough, He Qi! I do not wish to hear anything else from you! And mark my word, you have better be correct about the fact that he hasn't laid a hand on you! If I find out he has so much touched a hair of your head, death would be too good for him!"
"Huang Ah Ma, please – "
"Get out!"
"Huang Ah Ma!"
"GET OUT!"
As soon as He Qi left, Qian Long made his way to Yan Xi Gong, storming into Ling Fei's chamber and dismissing all the servants with thunderous fury.
"Huang Shang – " Ling Fei managed, but he cut right through whatever she intended to say.
"I will momentarily overlook the fact that your family is deeply involved in this mess – "
Ling Fei touched his arm gingerly and begged, "Huang Shang, you must believe me, I did not have any idea – "
"As I said, I will overlook it for now. But you must speak to He Qi."
"Yes, of course."
"I don't know where it all went wrong," Qian Long said, suddenly feeling all his emotions rapidly deflating into despair. He sat down on a chair and ran a wearied hand across his face. He still could not quite bring himself to believe what He Qi had dared to tell him, but denial was not something he allowed himself to be lured into now. "Perhaps it was all a mistake from the beginning to have her attend lessons with the boys and teach her to ride and hunt like a boy."
"You have always said, Manchurian men and women all need to be proficient on horseback."
"Yes, but if that education in the end has her coming to me and point-blankly tell me she has promised herself to the likes of Xiao Hu – "
"What?" Ling Fei exclaimed, shocked.
"Yes, that is precisely what she came to tell me this morning. She begs me to spare Xiao Hu and Zi Wei's lives, because she and Er Kang have promised themselves to them."
Ling Fei was speechless.
"I am so very angry at He Qi right now, but if she thinks I would condemn her to a life married to a nobody that no one knows where he comes from, she can think again. Speak to her, will you? Heaven, I should have known. I should have married her off years ago! I never thought that by wanting to keep her with me for a little longer, I was driving her straight into the arms of…of…that!"
Ling Fei listened to the emperor's words with mounting horror. "She has not – They have not – "
"She says they have not," Qian Long said, feeling the full effects of all his years. "I do not know if I believe it. I would like to think He Qi has more sense than that."
Ling Fei couldn't help but think to herself that sometimes sense had very little to do with it. After all, if Zi Wei was indeed Huang Shang's child – and now, Ling Fei was inclined to think she was – then the woman who raised Zi Wei must have had some sense. And yet Zi Wei existed regardless.
"Speak to He Qi," Qian Long repeated. "Make her see reason and maybe we can still salvage this. I can only keep Huang Hou off the scent of this for so long. If she finds out that He Qi has behaved in any way less than the model of perfect modesty, she would drag this out so much so that all of He Qi's prospects would be ruined. If it wasn't still for this mess, I would have declared her engagement to Er Tai just to wrap everything up already."
"Yes, of course, Huang Shang," Ling Fei said. "I will speak to Wu Ge Ge."
It was safer not to ask, even if Xiao Hu didn't exist, whether Huang Shang really thought He Qi would ever actually agree to marry Er Tai. After all, the princess's wishes weren't supposed to matter.
"He Qi."
"I thought Huang Ah Ma would send you."
"Surely you must see why."
He Qi was quiet.
"He Qi," Ling Fei pressed.
"Er Kang will never marry Sai Ya, Niang Niang," she said. "As for me and Er Tai, it was funny for a while. It's not so funny now. Neither of us want to marry each other."
"He is a good match for you."
"Says who?" He Qi exclaimed. "I have never seen him as more than a brother!"
"You are very young, Qi Qi. Perhaps you cannot imagine Er Tai as your husband now, but you will, in time. We women will never have a choice in who we marry, my dear, you know that. Your alternative is to be married off in an alliance marriage to a Mongolian tribe, and likely never seeing your loved ones again. The only reason you have avoided that fate is your father's fondness for you. You have known Er Tai all your lives, and you know he will be kind to you and treat you as you deserve. That is more than many women – even princesses – could wish for."
"What if I wish for someone I want? Someone I actually choose for myself?"
"Someone like Xiao Hu?" Ling Fei asked, incredulous.
"Yes."
"Qi Qi – "
"I know what you will say!" He Qi exclaimed. "You will tell me that he is not worthy of me, that I am too good for him. He has said it all to me, himself! But Niang Niang, I love him, and – "
"Dearest – "
"No, please don't tell me I don't know what love is! Because the world would tell me, I should be relying on my father to tell me what it is! Forgive me, but after half a year of having Zi Wei confiding in me about her mother's sufferings, I do not particularly like Huang Ah Ma's notion of love! Please do not try and tell me you do not know what I mean."
Ling Fei did not. If anything, her expression conveyed that she understood, too well, too intimately. Instead, she tried to change the subject. "Er Tai cares for you, He Qi. Surely you do not doubt that."
"No, I do not. But he cares for me like a sister. And I for him like a brother," He Qi insisted stubbornly.
"Are you sure Er Tai's affection for you is as platonic as you apparently want it to be?"
He Qi was so struck by the question that she could not answer for a long while. When she finally managed to speak, her voice was shaking. "I do not wish – I cannot think like that, Niang Niang. If I do…I will only end up hurting him, and I cannot bear that."
"The fact that you say that means that there is a part of you, no matter how deeply you want to bury it, is aware that Er Tai may feel more than you want to consider."
"That – that does not change anything! That does not change my feelings!"
"It is not as if you find him repulsive, either, He Qi."
"Of course not! I am very fond of Er Tai. But I want more than that, Niang Niang."
"I know you do, He Qi. And I am not trying to dismiss that. But Xiao Hu? Now that he is not Huang Shang's son, who is he? He has no family, no connection, no prospect, no education to give him any prospect. All we know of his character now is that he lied for months. Even if your father could forgive that, you understand why we are concerned? Do you really think your Huang Ah Ma would be content with you marrying a man like that?"
"Xiao Hu was good enough for Sai Ya just a few days ago," He Qi muttered.
"Oh, really, He Qi! Now you are being deliberately obtuse, or your jealousy has clouded your sense. Then, Xiao Hu was the emperor's son. He might still have lacked education, but in all other aspects, his pedigree was impeccable. A Chinese education does not matter to Sai Ya's family anyway."
"So his worth is based on this that he couldn't help, things he never had control over?" the princess demanded.
"You do not have to like it, but it is always so, He Qi," Ling Fei's voice was gentle and matter-of-fact, perhaps to sooth He Qi's ruffled feathers. "You may think it harsh, but marriage is the most important endeavour of a woman's life. Your father would never wish to trap you in a marriage with someone whose character he cannot trust."
"So he would rather I marry someone I do not love?"
"You would not be unhappy with Er Tai."
"That might have been true a year ago. But not anymore, Niang Niang, not when Er Tai and I both know my heart would be elsewhere."
It really was a last resort. Er Kang and Er Tai had managed to bribe/threaten the guards of Zhong Ren Fu to tell them about what was going on inside the heavily guarded jail, and it turned out that Xiao Hu, Zi Wei and Jin Suo were more or less being tortured. It drove them to come up with a plan where the Fu brothers would fake an imperial edict in order to rescue the three of them out of that hellish place.
With Liu Qing and Liu Hong's help, they managed to pull it off. Just. They half-carried each other out of Zhong Ren Fu to a waiting carriage. Before Er Tai could reach out and open the carriage, the doors flew open by themselves, revealing He Qi, dressed in men's clothes.
"What are you doing here?" Xiao Hu gasped, and despite his injuries, he shrugged off Liu Qing's supporting arms and rushed towards her. Her eyes widened and filled with tears as she saw the full extent of his injuries. Reaching out, she caught his hands and helped him into the carriage. Then, trusting that the others would help Zi Wei and Jin Suo, He Qi turned to Xiao Hu. Her fingers ghosted over the injuries on his face.
"What have they done to you?" she asked, feeling breathless with pain.
He caught her hands in his and shook his head. "Never mind that. What are you doing here?" Turning to Er Kang and Er Tai, he demanded, "What were you thinking, bringing her?"
Neither brother answered, and just looked at He Qi expectantly.
"I'm coming with you," she said.
Xiao Hu stared. "What? Coming where?"
Next to him, Zi Wei was also beginning to understand the severity of the situation. "You've stolen us out of jail. What would you do now?"
This time, Er Kang spoke up. "We'll run away and build a normal life together outside the palace."
Xiao Hu was still staring at He Qi, who was busy pressing a handkerchief to a cut on his temple.
"You too?" he asked, hardly daring to breathe.
She looked at him tenderly. "Of course. I'd follow you to the end of the earth if it means we could be together."
"I can't!" Xiao Hu croaked. "I can't take away Huang Ah Ma's most beloved daughter. You must go back. You can't come with me."
He Qi threw her arms around him and began to cry. "No. I'm coming with you. That's final. I've made up my mind. I'd rather have you than all the riches in the palace."
Xiao Hu was rendered speechless and couldn't do anything but stroke her hair.
"What about the two of you?" Zi Wei asked Er Kang and Er Tai, with certain panic in her voice. "What about your parents?"
"Don't worry," Er Tai said. "I will only see you off until we reach the outskirts of the city. Then Liu Qing and Liu Hong will accompany you to wherever you want to go. I'll go back and tell everyone what happened. Someone will need to face the consequences, otherwise Huang Shang's wrath will fall on our parents, on Ling Fei. I am willing to do that. I will take care of my parents."
"Then take He Qi with you," Xiao Hu said, finally finding his voice again. "Huang Ah Ma would surely be happy to have the two of you back, that he would not punish you too badly. You two can marry, and – "
"No!" He Qi cried. "Must you make me say it again? Wherever you are, I'll be there with you. It doesn't matter what hardships we meet, I won't change my mind."
As if knowing it would be pointless to try and argue with her, Xiao Hu looked helplessly at Er Tai.
"Word of advice for the future," Er Tai said with a sad smile, "neither you nor I have any chance of changing her mind once she has made it up."
Xiao Hu swallowed painfully and looked back into He Qi's determined eyes. "I can't make you do this," he said.
She shook her head and cupped his face in her hands. "You're not making me do anything. This is my choice. Let me have it. Let me decide something for myself, just this once."
"Er Tai…"
"Will you promise me something, Ge Ge?"
"Of course."
"That you will be happy."
She smiled through tears and grasped his wrist. "I will."
From the way he was looking at her, He Qi wondered if now was the moment it became too much for Er Tai, and he might pour his heart to her after all. A part of her – and she could not quite rationalise this part – wanted him to tell her all that he was feeling, to be totally honest with her, because it might be the last time they ever see each other, and she wanted him to have no regrets. But then, they had gone this far. She did not want the last thing she ever did before leaving was to break his heart. So the other part of her was relieved when the only thing he did was to reach out to dare squeeze her hand, before handing her to Xiao Hu.
He Qi fought to not read too much symbolism into the gesture.
In the end, they didn't leave. Er Tai had barely gone a hundred steps before they turned the carriage around and headed back to the palace. They met a group of officials, including Er Kang and Er Tai's father, who had been sent to find them and bring them back, just outside the city gates.
"Huang Shang, perhaps there has been a misunderstanding," Fu Heng said once the whole group, looking worse for wear, has been brought back to the palace. "We chased after them until the edge of the city, but then met them coming back."
Whatever fury the emperor might have unleased at their escape was cut short when he looked at the sorry state Zi Wei, Xiao Hu and Jin Suo were in.
"Why are you covered in wounds?" he asked, astonished.
"Huang Ah Ma! Why didn't you just chop my head off?" Xiao Hu cried. "It would have at least been quick and painless! I know we wronged you, but do you hate us so much that you would lock us in such a damp, dirty place full of rats and cockroaches, and then send that Liang Daren who hates us to use whips to torture us? Do you really want to be in such pain before killing us? Huang Ah Ma, ever since I arrived in the palace, there were so many moments when I could have run away, but then I always stayed, because you were always so kind to me. If I knew you would be so cruel, I would never try and help Zi Wei claim you as her father!"
Qian Long was increasingly shocked and disturbed by Xiao Hu's words. "Who dare tortured you? We have not given any orders to question you!"
"It's that Liang Ting Gui, Liang Daren!" Xiao Hu said. "Huang Ah Ma, look!" He pushed his sleeves up, to show the cuts made by the whips. "Do these look faked? Zi Wei and Jin Suo have them too!"
In that moment, any rage Qian Long had left had totally deflated at the sight of the suffering of the three young people in front of him. Whatever lies they had told, however they had deceived him, he had never really thought he would take their lives. And yet...someone had decided to do it for him. He knew all too well who it might be, and that would be another mess to solve. Right then, it all seemed like too much. He had gone from shock to shock and just needed the time to digest it all.
"You may all return to Shu Fang Zhai and Jing Yang Gong. Get the imperial physicians in and look at the wounds. Whatever the truth is, whatever wrongs you have committed, we can talk about that later."
"Huang Shang," Zi Wei now finally dared to speak, though her voice was breathless with pain, "I know we have committed great sins, and this escape from jail, faking an imperial edict is only more on top of deceiving you. But you must know, if we were not desperate, we would not have done it. We could have left, run away forever, but we thought about how angry Huang Shang would be, and how guilty we would feel. So we returned instead. Zi Wei only wish to beg Huang Shang to spare Wu Ge Ge and the Fu brothers. Any wrong they did were only to help us. If you do not agree to spare them, Zi Wei will refuse to get up from here."
"Faking an imperial edict and stealing prisoners from Zhong Ren Fu are very serious crimes. We cannot just ignore them!" the emperor said.
"Huang Shang!" Fu Lun said, kneeling. "I beg you would consider that our family has been loyal subjects for three generations and have mercy!"
"Huang Shang," Er Kang said, "our plan to steal Xiao Hu, Zi Wei and Jin Suo out of jail with an imperial edict was due to desperation. When Er Tai and I came in to rescue them, they were being hung on chains and whipped. Even if Xiao Hu could somehow bear it, how could Zi Wei and Jin Suo? Where would the court's face be if it got out that defenceless women were being tortured like this?"
"Huang Shang, we haven't made clear their identities or convicted them of any crime. To use such methods to force them to confess, wouldn't people say we wish to kill them to hide the truth?" Er Tai added.
Qian Long considered the Fu brothers' words for a moment, and could see the logic in them. Before he could say anything, however, Xiao Hu spoke.
"Huang Ah Ma, I lied to you from the beginning. All the wrongs began with me! If you want to kill someone, kill me and spare all of them! They were all only victims of my lie!"
"Do you think I don't dare kill you?" the emperor shouted with sudden, renewed anger that Xiao Hu continued to bandy around the death sentence like a game. "You are right, every problem began because of you! If you didn't pretend to be a prince, none of this would have happened! Your crime is the most serious of all! If you want to die, I'll let you have your wish! Men! Behead him!"
He Qi knew it would only have stoked her father's anger if she tried to speak to defend herself, so had stayed silent thus far. But in the face of this order, fear and heartbreak flooded her and she could no longer keep quiet.
"Huang Ah Ma!" she cried in anguish, grabbing Xiao Hu's arm as if to hold him back from the guards who were coming for him. "Please spare Xiao Hu's life! If you kill him, I beg you to kill me too!"
The room was momentarily silenced by He Qi's declaration and the raw agony in her voice. Anyone who until then was still in the dark about the princess's deepest feelings were shocked. Qian Long, who had hoped to be able to bury her folly, felt that hope vanish away, and allowed himself to bask in rightful rage.
"Huang Shang, you promised me that no matter what wrong Xiao Hu committed, you would spare his life!" Zi Wei said.
"I said I would spare him. But now he is volunteering to die!"
"We do not need him to die for us. If we die, we would rather all die together," Zi Wei, He Qi, Er Tai, Er Kang and Jin Suo all said.
Qian Long stared at them. "This is a challenge? You think you can say this, because I will not be able to bear killing you all?"
"Huang Shang," Zi Wei said through tears, "we knew when we returned that we cannot escape punishment. But we returned, because we did not wish other people to bear our sins for us. We have returned, so we can only put ourselves at your mercy...and rely on the hope that you really cannot bear to kill us all..."
"Huang Ah Ma," Xiao Hu cried, "you have never accepted me as your true son! You declared I was your adopted son. If I'm adopted, of course I'm not your real son, so how did I deceive you? If you truly believed I was your biological son, but you only told people I was adopted, wouldn't that mean you deceived your subjects?"
This logic – as infuriating as Xiao Hu – shocked Qian Long into silence. He looked from He Qi, whose tearful eyes were pasted on Xiao Hu's person and whose hands were still gripping his sleeve like she was still afraid someone would rip him away from her, to Xiao Hu, who was still looking defiant, but only reminding Qian Long of how much he had come to love the young man, son or not, to Zi Wei, who he was more and more convinced was really his daughter by the second... Suddenly his anger was all replaced by pain. What other father but he, as the emperor, could reduce his children to this state, merely with a furrow of his brows? They had not really hurt anyone nor harmed anyone; they had only ever wanted to be his children.
"All right, you can all stand up!" Qian Long said, accepting defeat. "You are all pardoned. Er Kang, Er Tai, go fetch the physician!"
Xiao Hu jumped up with relief and joy. "Huang Ah Ma, you really won't chop my head off anymore?"
"How can I take your head after such audacious words? I would be a laughing stock!" he snapped.
"Then...you spare everyone else of punishment too?"
"You all threatened me to kill all or none of you. Of course I cannot kill all six of you, so you can all keep your heads."
He Qi's whole body sagged in relief; she wanted to grab Xiao Hu into an embrace, but it was probably too much to tax her father so after his declaration of mercy.
Zi Wei smiled, happiness shining in her eyes. "I knew...Huang Shang, I knew you really could not bear to kill us…"
With that, it was as if the exhaustion and pain was finally allowed to take over, she fainted. Er Kang rushed forward, but he was not fast enough for even the emperor, who caught her, shouting, "Physician! Summon the imperial physician to tend to my daughter!"
Zi Wei was brought back to Jing Yang Gong, where she was changed into fresh clothes and her injuries dressed and bandaged. The emperor refused to leave her side, and so did Xiao Hu, though he did allow the physician to look over his injuries too.
Qian Long looked from where Xiao Hu was pacing impatiently, to Zi Wei lying unconscious on the bed. It was as if only now did he truly start to accept the truth. Xiao Hu was not his son; it was Zi Wei who was his and Yu He's child.
Ever since Xiao Hu had blurted out the truth in the garden, what seemed a year ago, Qian Long kept preparing himself for the disappointment to hit, once he finally accepted that the son he thought he had was now replaced by a daughter instead. Yet, the disappointment never came. He only found himself feeling guilty, thinking of that day when Zi Wei took a knife in the chest to save his life. He understood now, why her 'instinct' had been to stand before him and that knife. It was not romantic love like he so foolishly supposed, but her daughterly feelings that took over, nearly killing her.
And he had thrown her in jail, leaving her vulnerable to the schemes of those who dared hurt her. He had thrown her in jail because he was the emperor and he could, and now she suffered for it.
He was not the emperor now, he was only a father, waiting for his daughter to wake.
When Zi Wei's eyes finally opened, she saw the emperor first, and tried to get up to greet him. He Qi, sitting at the head of her bed, pushed her back down and called for the physician.
Seeing Zi Wei awake, Xiao Hu rushed over from where he was standing on the other side of the room and cried, "You're awake! Why did scare me like that? We all suffered the same beating, Jin Suo is still fine, only you fainted!"
Xiao Hu's tirade of worry was cut short when He Qi pulled him aside to make room so that Hu Taiyi could check on Zi Wei.
"She is hurt, you must let her rest and let Hu Taiyi look at her."
To everyone's relief, the physician declared that Zi Wei's condition was stable and with the right medicine and rest, she was no longer in any danger. The good news sent Xiao Hu out to the main hall, where Er Kang and Er Tai were waiting for news, to tell them that Zi Wei was out of the woods.
Back in the room, Qian Long smoothed the blanket over Zi Wei. "My poor child, you must be in pain. It is my fault, I am sorry for putting you in this situation."
Zi Wei was so overcome by the emperor's words that she could not speak, and only shake her head as tears wet her pillow.
Before Qian Long could say anything else, Jin Suo stepped in the room with a bowl of medicine.
"Xiaojie, Hu Taiyi said you should drink this medicine right away."
He Qi went over to take the tray from Jin Suo. "Let me help Zi Wei. You're hurt, you should go get some rest." To Xiao Hu, she added, "You should go back to Shu Fang Zhai too. Zi Wei is awake now, she will be fine."
"I'll wait until Zi Wei finishes the medicine and then I'll go," Xiao Hu said stubbornly.
From the bed, Zi Wei smiled and said softly, "You all don't have to worry so much about me. I am sure I can drink the medicine on my own."
Qian Long looked at Zi Wei, who was still pale as a sheet and clearly in pain. He sighed and held his hand out to He Qi, who understood and gave him the bowl of medicine.
"You do not have to try to be brave," Qian Long said, turning back to Zi Wei. "The physician said, you are suffering from both injuries both old and new. There is no need to exert yourself. I will help you."
With that, spoon by spoon, the emperor fed Zi Wei her medicine. By the time the bowl was empty, she could no longer prevent a tear sliding down her cheek.
"What is wrong?"
"Answering Huang Shang, the first time I spoke to Xiao Hu after he entered the palace, he told me that you personally fed him medicine, and that action touched him so much that he could not bear to lose the feeling of having you as a father. It pained me so much then to hear it. I thought…if there could be a moment when you would show me the same care, I would gladly die for it. Now, I cannot believe that it really is happening, that you are feeding medicine like this. Even if I were to die now, I would happy."
Hearing these words, Qian Long could only look at her in guilt. It was as if he was seeing himself clearly for the first time. He felt, more than ever, the truth in Yu He's fateful words to him, shortly before they parted.
I am but a passing breeze in your life. You touch down on mine like a dragonfly stepping on water on for a moment before flying away again.
Indeed, his love for Yu He, his promise to Yu He, had vanished in but a moment, just like the ripple made by a dragonfly skirting the waters. Not only Yu He had paid for it her whole life, but Zi Wei too.
"Zi Wei, I know you have waited for this day for a long time. I know you have suffered tears and blood and so much pain to be here. I have wronged you. These couple of days, I have been thinking back of everything that had happened, and I realised how many times you have tried to tell me who you are and I never understood. I just saw you as a mystery, projecting my own conjectures on you. That day…that day I sent you to Zhong Ren Fu because I couldn't face the truth right away, and I thought I needed to give myself time. I didn't realise I was sending you to such danger. You have no idea how it pains me to see you so hurt."
Zi Wei tried to give him a brave, reassuring smile, though she also could not help her tears. "Huang Shang…please, do not blame yourself. Everything was so confusing…I would have suffered more pain, paid even higher a price, to be known to you."
Qian Long reached out to stroke her hair and asked softly, "Do you still call me Huang Shang?"
For the first time in the conversation, Zi Wei looked afraid. "I dare not presume that you would accept me as your daughter," she whispered.
She did not say it, but it was clear by the way her voice shook that she was still afraid Qian Long would be disappointed that his long-lost child was a daughter instead of a son. Even Qian Long full expected that this, finally, would be the moment he felt it. But perhaps it was because, from the very beginning, he was already forced to face the fact that, for one reason or another, he could never hope for Xiao Hu to ever succeed him on the throne, that now he only calmly accepted the truth. At least, it saved him from having to be feel the disappointment now of losing a potential successor. Besides, the fact that Xiao Hu was not his son answered his nagging questions about how on earth Yu He could have raised a child so completely unlike her like Xiao Hu.
Now that she was here and he knew the truth, he could see more and more of Yu He's features in Zi Wei, and Yu He's talents too. Looking at Zi Wei, he felt no disappointment, only pain. Pain that he had induced such fears in her.
Forcing down the lump that was threatening to break his voice, Qian Long smiled at Zi Wei.
"Foolish child, how could I not accept a daughter as talented as you?"
His eyes felt glassy, but that was okay, but Zi Wei was crying too, as she finally cried out, "Huang Ah Ma!" as Qian Long drew her into his arms.
Beside them, Jin Suo was crying; He Qi was dabbing at her eyes too and smiling widely. Both of them felt as if they could finally let go of the breath they had held so long. Xiao Hu, needless to say, jumped up and down in excitement.
"I finally returned Zi Wei to her rightful place! I finally did it!" Then, kneeling down by Qian Long's side, he added, "Huang Ah Ma, I've caused you so much trouble all this time, but now I've returned Zi Wei to you. Can you forgive me?"
Caught in the moment, Qian Long found himself saying, "Let's just say you have atoned for your mistakes. Now I finally understand why you always worry about your head. Don't worry, your head will stay where it is!"
Ling Fei, who had watched the entire scene with bated breath, was now feeling relieved that it had all turned out well too. Turning to the servants, she bid them to greet the new princess. At once, the room rang with the sounds of "Zi Wei Ge Ge jixiang" and wishes of her living a thousand years.
The jubilation in the room was certainly contagious, but amid it all, Qian Long found himself drawn back to reality as he caught sight of He Qi looking at Xiao Hu, her eyes now bright with new hope.
Soon after, Qian Long felt he must leave Jing Yang Gong to allow Zi Wei to rest. There would be time to talk later. He, on the other hand, had Huang Hou and Liang Ting Gui to deal with.
"You must get some rest," he said to Zi Wei as he stood up.
"Huang Ah Ma, please do not worry. Even if I did not wish to rest, Ge Ge will make sure I do," Zi Wei said.
"Still Ge Ge?" He Qi asked mildly.
"Jiejie," Zi Wei corrected herself, smiling at her.
He Qi smiled back before turning to their father. "Huang Ah Ma, do not worry, I will take good care of Zi Wei."
"Yes, I suppose you have been," Qian Long said, looking between his two daughters.
He turned, and saw that Xiao Hu was still hovering about, not looking like he was at all ready to leave. Qian Long had to force himself not to look back at He Qi, though he knew that after the dust settled, he would have to think about that conundrum too. Sighing, he said to Xiao Hu, in a voice that left no room for protest, "You should return to Shu Fang Zhai to rest too."
Xiao Hu looked for a moment like he would try to rebel regardless, but a glare from the emperor sent him towards the door, but not before he looked back at He Qi with a parting smile.
The next day, Qian Long found himself nursing a headache. He still could not wrap his head around why He Qi, having Er Kang and Er Tai and many more like them before her, would give her heart to Xiao Hu instead. But there was no denying that she had. To make matters worse, she declared as much in a very public situation. He can no longer hope to sweep such feelings under the rug and steer her towards someone more suitable.
But Xiao Hu for his most beloved daughter, after he had dismissed princes and dukes and all manners of other talented men? It was absurdity.
And yet he also knew He Qi too well. She was of stubborn disposition and the way he raised her had allowed her to learn to be more assertive than it was wise for a princess to be. She had dared contemplate running away with Xiao Hu once. Qian Long wouldn't put it past her that she would do it again, if pressed. He could not stride in and order her to obey on this, not unless he wanted to follow up gaining Zi Wei by losing He Qi.
He wished, too, that there was time. But it wasn't just He Qi's marriage that he had to worry about. There was the question, too, of what to do with Sai Ya.
Shaking his head, Qian Long decided to push the problems aside for now. He had promised Zi Wei that he would visit her again today.
When the emperor was announced that morning, Zi Wei and He Qi were talking in the former's bedroom. Upon hearing of their father's arrival, they quickly made their way to the main greeting hall to receive him.
"Zi Wei, are you sure you are well enough to be out of bed?" he asked after their greetings were over.
"Huang Ah Ma, you should not worry. Hu Taiyi assured me that it would be good for me to move about," Zi Wei said. She still could not help the flutters of pleasure that his words of fatherly concerns were now directed at her. There was no element of secret or unknown between them, no question now that they were family.
"Huang Ah Ma, Zi Wei has been looking forward to your arrival all morning. I'm sure she'll love for you to join her for lunch," He Qi said.
Zi Wei blushed to hear her sister say this. She had no wish to drive He Qi from what was really her palace, but at the same time, she did desperately crave some time alone with her father. He Qi must had understood her conflict, because she gave Zi Wei a reassuring smile.
"Just Zi Wei?" Qian Long asked.
"I have neglected Qi Mei and Jiu Mei for too long," He Qi said breezily. "Ling Fei Niang Niang tells me they are most upset with me, so I think I must make amends. Besides, you and Zi Wei have a lot to catch up on. Huang Ah Ma, He Qi takes leave of you."
Of course, Zi Wei could tell that her father realised this was only an excuse to leave the two of them alone. Perhaps because of that, he apparently felt compelled to remind her, "He Qi, make sure it is just Yan Xi Gong that you visit. Huang Hou might have backed off for now, but do not give her anymore reason to scrutinise you."
He Qi looked momentarily embarrassed, but she only gave a small curtsy and said, "Yes, Huang Ah Ma. Of course, I understand."
There was nothing else the emperor could say, but it was clear from the expression on his face that he was still anxious. Zi Wei did not have much time to consider before this moment how her father might think of the love between Xiao Hu and He Qi, but it was clear now that his chief emotion must be worry. As much as Zi Wei wished to discuss lighter things with her father, she wanted to help her sister and Xiao Hu too.
So as soon as He Qi was no longer in sight, Zi Wei went over and took the emperor's arm. "Huang Ah Ma, there are many things I want to speak you about, and we have so much lost time to make up for," she said gently. "But I cannot help but think, perhaps we could talk about Jiejie's situation first?"
"What would you like to say about that?" Qian Long asked as Zi Wei led him to a chair and sat down opposite him.
From the look in his eyes, Zi Wei felt he must hope as she did, that she, who had spent these few months by He Qi's side and aware of her feelings for Xiao Hu, might provide the insights he so needed to overcome the misgivings he clearly had about the match. Zi Wei only hoped that what she had to say would be enough to get Huang Ah Ma consider the situation in Xiao Hu's favour.
"Huang Ah Ma, I know Xiao Hu is not the type of man you would have hoped for Jiejie. But for all his rough edges, he does care about Jiejie very much, and he will treat her well. I know it might not seem like much among the grand expectations you have for her, but perhaps those are the only things that matter for Jiejie. And considering her feelings, I hope Huang Ah Ma can find a way to grant her this wish."
"I had always hoped that He Qi could marry for love," he admitted. "It would have been so easy to marry her off to some Borjigit or other as soon as she was of marriageable age. I held her back, because I wanted to give her the time to understand love, to fall in love and make her own choice. But I also fully expected her to fall in love with Fu Er Tai."
"When it comes to the heart, I think planning who someone might fall in love with is already a mistake, Huang Ah Ma," Zi Wei said with a sad smile.
Qian Long sighed deeply. "I admit, Xiao Hu does have his good points, but even as my son, I would have waited for him to grow up before I unleashed him in marriage on some poor, unsuspecting young lady. Even then, what would have made him attractive a prospect would be because he was my son. What does He Qi see in him?"
"You said yourself that he has good points. He is kind, compassionate, and unable to abide any injustice, unfairness or intolerance in the world. It was these qualities that drove him to try and help me find you in the first place."
"That clearly did not go as planned," her father said dryly.
Zi Wei chuckled. "No, it did not. But even his mistake in causing you to misunderstand he was your child did not come about because of any malice on his part. He only craved your fatherly love; it was a feeling I understood only too well, which was why I so easily forgave him."
"And yet it shows a weak will in him that I do not know if I can tolerate of a husband for my daughter. It speaks little of how he would fare against the temptations he would sure to face as a prince consort. He Qi is my daughter, I do not wish to see her neglected the moment a more attractive option came along."
Zi Wei was momentarily silenced by the irony of her father's implication that he would resent it if Xiao Hu could not resist female temptations. Of course, as a father, his fatherly feelings led him to wish that his daughter's husband would remain true to her, but who among the emperor's own women were not someone else's daughter? What of their fatherly feelings? It was clear that the emperor had standards for his sons-in-law that he did not feel should apply to himself. Zi Wei was beginning to feel the full force of what it meant to have the emperor for a father, and the need to be tolerant of his idiosyncrasies.
"Huang Ah Ma, surely you see the two things are very different," Zi Wei finally managed to point out. "Xiao Hu had never had a family, so that is what he craves. It is because he craves a family that he could not resist when you offered him a place in yours. But I think it will also be for that reason that he would treasure the one he could build with Jiejie with all his might. If anything, the fact that he could not bear to lose you as a father would mean he would never commit any such wrongs against Jiejie."
"It does not change the fact that he has very little motivation to dedicate himself to self-improvement," Qian Long argued. "Oh, he has made some progress somewhat these few months, I admit, but his literacy level still leaves much to be desired."
"If Huang Ah Ma wishes Xiao Hu to learn, may I say that Jiejie might be the one who could effectively help him, even more so than Ji Shifu? You were pleased with Xiao Hu's explanation of the Commonwealth of Great Unity, were you not? Jiejie taught him that."
"Did she?"
"Yes. Apparently, Ji Shifu tried to explain it to him but he focused mostly on examples about policies of emperors and virtues of officials, as he should when teaching a prince, but to Xiao Hu, those things are unattainable and far away. I had only recently told Jiejie of Xiao Hu's conditions growing up and how when I met him, he was living in a common house for the poor called Da Za Yuan. Jiejie was able to relate the concepts of Great Unity to the conditions of the very people Xiao Hu was surrounded by, and how their lives would be improved and saved if the principles of Great Unity were reality. I am digressing a bit, but Xiao Hu is not unteachable. He just does not deal well with abstract concepts and needs his lessons to be bounded in familiar scenarios around him. That he easily understood the concepts of Great Unity once it was framed in a way that he could accept shows that he is not without intelligence. If anything, the various ways he had had to come up with over the years to survive this harsh world shows great resourcefulness and ingenuity."
"What is your point?"
"My point is," Zi Wei said, "getting Xiao Hu to learn the things he needs to know and to be in order to be a prince consort worthy of Jiejie is not a hopeless task; it is only a matter of how one approaches it. Jiejie has already showed that she understands what this approach is. Xiao Hu only needs time and someone to believe in him, and he can do it."
"Do you think so? I have rarely ever seen such motivation from him."
Zi Wei smiled. "That is because you have been expecting him to learn the lessons of a prince, which he was not, and so he tells himself those lessons are useless in the long run anyway. It would be different, once he has Jiejie to care for. When I met him, he was one of the primary care givers to the old people and young orphans at Da Za Yuan. One of the things that first drew me to him and made me like him, trust him, was that his very instinct is to take care of the people around him. When he just has to worry about himself, of course he does not care much about his own consequence, but in the future, I think having Jiejie to consider, he might put more efforts in bettering himself to meet your expectations."
The emperor still looked barely convinced.
"Huang Ah Ma, I know you love Jiejie, and because of that you want the man who would accompany her for the rest of her life to check off everything on your list," Zi Wei added, when, at length, her father still did not speak. "But I think, to Jiejie, it does not need to be so complicated. Compared to the young masters of the great noble families, Xiao Hu lacks refinement – that is true. But those are things that can be learnt and are not the nature of a man. Xiao Hu has a strong sense of honour and justice, and he has a guilelessness that will never allow him to mistreat Jiejie or knowingly hurt her. He does not have any agenda in marrying Jiejie because he has no desire for any of the political gains such a marriage might bring him. To the latter, I do not think any other man you might find suitable for her could have a claim, even Er Tai. Jiejie might be a princess, but she is also a young woman who wishes that her husband might want her for herself, and not for any advantages that her position brings. Perhaps, Huang Ah Ma, the most proof of your fatherly love would be in understanding and indulging her in this."
Her father considered her words through a few sips of tea. Then, he turned to look at her thoughtfully. "You really do wish to promote this match, don't you? I suppose I cannot be surprised; he is your sworn brother."
"I do wish that Xiao Hu and Jiejie might be happy together because I am fond of them both," Zi Wei answered sincerely, "but I would not push it if I did not believe they could be happy. I do not wish to see Jiejie unhappy any more than you do, Huang Ah Ma."
The emperor nodded pensively. Zi Wei allowed him a few more moments of silent contemplation.
"In this life, so many couples in love have been torn apart by fate," she said, when Qian Long sighed deeply; there was a resignation in it that she did not rejoice at but hoped that it meant he had come to a tentative favourable conclusion nevertheless. "They spend their lives suffering heartache and longing for that one person they love most but could never be with. If I dare, I would include you and my mother in that list. Could you bear to see Jiejie suffering so in the future?"
"Does she care so much for him?" he asked with a profound sense of loss in his voice. Zi Wei felt her heart break for him. He was not being so difficult about this to torment Xiao Hu, but because he cared about He Qi too deeply and was afraid she was making a mistake she might regret. Zi Wei was trying to convince him to think differently for Xiao Hu and He Qi, yes, but now, she wished that her words might help him accept this match for his own peace of mind too.
"Huang Ah Ma, I must defer to your superior understanding of Jiejie. Can you not answer that question yourself, considering all that she had done? I am not talking about just risking her reputation and running away with him, which might be construed as folly in a time of desperation. I am speaking of the fact that she knew his secret all this time, and she went to such efforts to protect him, to ensure he came out of this alive."
"Yes," the emperor mused, "it is quite extraordinary how He Qi managed it – balancing between keeping Xiao Hu's secret and presenting you to me, in hope that I would care for you both. That your plan was successful must be due in no small part to her efforts as well. The thing is, He Qi might not be a conventional princess, but to me, she has always been a conventional daughter, fulfilling all the correct duties of a daughter. I have to admit, the fact that she suffered to lie to me for so long to protect Xiao Hu speaks more to her feelings than she ever could say out loud, herself. I really do wish he shows himself to be more deserving of her."
"It is difficult to say how one person deserves another, and I think, perhaps the only people who can make that judgement is those involved in the match themselves," Zi Wei said. "I know Xiao Hu has many shortcomings, but people are not static, Huang Ah Ma. You just have to give him time to change at his own pace; he might not disappoint you in the future if you give him a chance."
"Except I cannot delay He Qi's marriage," Qian Long said. "By giving him a chance at all, if he fails, what regret would He Qi be left with?"
"Don't you think, as with whether he deserves her, if there is to be regret, Jiejie should be the one to feel it? And if she is sure she won't, then Huang Ah Ma should not either."
Her father gave her a wry smile. "I do understand what you are trying to say, Zi Wei, but I also think you still are a little biased."
Zi Wei could only smile sheepishly.
"Very well," the emperor said, clearly having heard everything he was willing to hear from Zi Wei. "I understand your feelings on this. Let me think about it a little longer. Besides, I am being very unfair to you right now. I did not come here to make you talk about your sister all this time."
This time, Zi Wei's smile was one of pleasure. "Huang Ah Ma, I really did not mind. I owe Jiejie so much, and if I could help settle Huang Ah Ma's mind, allowing her to have her happiness, then I will talk even longer with you about it."
"Yes, no doubt you can. But really, Zi Wei, let us leave it for another day. Now, how are you settling into Jing Yang Gong…?"