I see Mom in all black clothes. She looks paler than how she looked in the morning.
" Hi love, I just bought some clothes for you to wear tomorrow," she says waving the bag full of clothes. My mom is always aware of fashion. Whatever the situation is, she needs it to be perfect. She hands me a grey tunic and tight pants with it. I guess that's what my family is going to wear tomorrow. We all wear the same colors to look like the perfect family. I never enjoy doing that. Mom cries when she sees me in the cell. I try to console her. Nothing helps. After a long session of weeping with Mom I hear Celestine calling Mom to get back home. Her eyes look different today. They are not shiny and big. They look red. Has she been crying? Cried for me? While leaving she holds my hand tight in her hands this gives me strength. This feeling of being with my sister in this situation is different. It almost feels as if she is the protective shield around me. I have never got this feeling from her . I feel like she is the best sister in the world now.
Everyone is gone and it's me and the silence that's left. I keep on thinking about what is happening tomorrow. Whatever it is, it will be good. I sleep with tears rolling down feeling lifeless inside. My heart is all empty. I am blank with no plans for the future and a feeling that I will be okay with any decision the world makes about me. I am helpless. No visions and no strength to fight with the unfair world. Yes it is unfair and has always been with me. You only stay happy when you meet people's expectations and when you behave according to them. Your one action against their thinking is enough for you to end up in loneliness. Once you stand up for yourself nothing stops you. No law, no person in power can control you. I have learned these things from my life, and still I can't give myself the strength to stand up and speak up for decisions I have made.
I wake up early in the morning. Carrick is awake. I am curious about him. The more I see him, the more my curiosity increases. Today he smiles at me. It feels good and scary at the same time. Why is he so mysterious?
"Good morning. You can come out with me for breakfast," the female guard calls out to me, opening the cell. " One more thing, someone is here to see you," she adds.
With a nod I follow her. In the lunch room I see Grandpa. I feel so happy to see him. He visits our family very rarely. He isn't a supporter of the Guild, and our family being "pro- Guild" creates conflicts between him and my parents. I run into his cosy feels the most safe and peaceful place.
" Don't worry my child. You will get through this. You are brave. Most importantly you have a big responsibility on your shoulder," he says with a smile and a strict look on his face.
" Responsibility? What responsibility? Grandpa I am not understanding anything. Downstairs people are calling me their hero and I don't know why," I say in a hurry.
" Calm down. I am here to prepare you and inform you about tomorrow. Tomorrow is your hearing, where they will decide whether you are flawed or not. Listen up. It seems you have heard the news then. So here you go. There are these people who are against the Guild. Who feel you are their face . They think you will fight with them to go against the Guild. They think your actions were to support them. They need a leader. As you know I am not a fan of the Guild. I want to tell you. This Crevan is using his power and the Guild to increase his powers and spread his rule,the Guild is a way for him to take revenge from his enemies. Don't listen to anything he tells you. He is surely going to use you. Please don't let him use it. He is just using his powers to suppress the people. Don't let him do it. Be brave. I am with you," he finishes with a small kiss on my cheeks.
It is too much information to digest. I don't understand what to say or do either. I was sure there was something fishy. Why would such a mean man even talk to me politely even after me being the flawed and him being the member of the Guild.