Chapter Seven: Perfect
Despite the awkwardness of Luna's arrival, the party ended up being fun with everyone drinking and laughing, playing games and chatting. Theo and Luna kept their distance from each other, but the atmosphere was bright with good times.
Hermione had stumbled her way into the kitchen. She was feeling decidedly tipsy and as she looked around the lounge at all her friends they seemed to be in a similar state.
Her eyes began misting over as her heart thumped at how much she would miss this, being able to see everyone at once, enjoying their company. Sure, they would come visit in Italy and Hermione would be back every month, but it wouldn't be the same.
She smiled a little sadly and touched a finger to the corner of her eye, swiping at the mistiness there.
Malfoy stood on the other side of the bench, leaning on it, topping up his whisky. "You OK?"
"You care?" she laughed.
"I'm hoping you'll answer in the negative. It pleases me when you feel like shit." He took a sip of his whisky. There it was, his unpleasantness quota met. She pushed away the alcohol-induced feeling of being viewed as lesser by him.
"I'm just going to miss all of you," Hermione sighed feeling a strange nostalgia for the present moment.
She brought her gaze from the party to the man in front of her. He looked slightly shocked and dropped his eyes when she met them.
She leaned on the bench too, stealing the tumbler out of his hands and taking a sip before giving it back.
He let out a breath and stared at the whisky, rotating the glass. They shared silence for a little bit while Hermione watched her friends interact with loud voices and wild gestures.
"I wasn't aware you had been acquainted with Theo before the Transit," he sipped his whisky, a faint transfer of Hermione's lipstick adhering to his lips.
"I met him at one of Luna's father's talks actually. Wow, that's really awkward. It was about three years ago. We've been to them monthly ever since. I thought it was a lost cause though, you have no idea how many times I asked him out. He never took me up on it until he saw his name on me." She averted her eyes from him at how desperate it sounded that she'd been asking Theo out for three years without him ever accepting.
They lapsed in silence again. Hermione sipped her champagne, looking at the rest of the party, savouring the moment.
"Can I come visit you in Italy?" Draco shook her out of her reverie. For once he was slow and quiet. She gave him a sad smile.
"This must be harder on you than you're letting on I guess," to which he nodded. "Ages ago when you and Theo were fighting, he told me that had been the longest you'd gone without talking since the war. He told me what you did for him then. It was very brave of you." She traced an idle pattern on the countertop.
"Oh yes, I'll miss Theo just so much," he said with a roll of his eyes.
"You know you will," she said but he just looked at her like she was missing something. Like a screw loose, maybe. She sighed again, tracing a chip in the tile, the alcohol making unbidden words float out of her. "I wish you liked me more, or at least respected me enough not play games designed to make me feel inferior." She frowned at the white fleck in the gray slate. Six months on and she still felt a nervous upset in her stomach at the thought of sleeping with Malfoy. Even if it did save her life, bile rose every time. She would try every other way, but if those didn't work… she didn't know what she'd do.
"Why did you forgive Theo so easily tonight?" Malfoy changed the subject to avoid responding directly to her.
Hermione flicked her eyes to him. He looked out her kitchen window, odium on his lips, eyes hard and dark. She suddenly understood and her heart sunk further.
"You got Luna to come here tonight. You knew Theo had told her not to," she didn't even need his huffed exhalation to know it was true. He'd wanted to break them up, manipulating the situation yet again to get Theo away from her.
"Why did you forgive him?" Draco wasn't relenting.
She looked down again. "I told him I'm not perfect either. It would be hypocritical of me to not forgive him."
He growled at her, tossing his drink back and pouring another. "Of course you're fucking perfect, Granger. That's why you're all wrong. I hate it," he spat the words, an ugly sneer on his face, narrowing his eyes out the window.
"You certainly thought I had a lot of flaws last time we were alone," she snapped at him.
He met her eyes and swept a hand out, flicking the words away like he was batting an insect. "Social frippery aimed to contain your perfection in bland actions and blander graces. You're such an idiot."
"You hate that I'm perfect?"
"Infinitely. Golden Girl Granger who has the whole world dripping for her. If you weren't perfect maybe then there would be a chance-" he cut himself off.
Hermione wasn't ready to let that go though. "A chance for what, Draco?"
His nostrils flared at her using his name like he hated it. "A chance I could stand being around you, that your presence wouldn't be so infuriating to me." He was livid, his eyes as tense and hard as flintstone, his voice sparking with disgust.
Damn, she was too inebriated for this. Despite herself, now that she was with Theo, she desperately wanted the approval of his only family. Unfortunately, that included Draco though she thought Lucius and Narcissa had warmed to her. She bit her lip to keep it from wobbling at the insult. "I'm sorry I disappoint you so much. I really am envious that everyone else gets to enjoy your friendship. I wish I could see you smile at me just once in a way that wasn't at my expense." Her eyes were blurry again and she kept them open and staring at the fleck in the bench so the tears wouldn't fall.
"Another perfect fucking answer, Granger. I'll see you in Rome." He pushed away and went to Theo. His demeanour changed entirely as he smiled and clapped his friend on the back wishing him luck. Blaise scurried away from where he'd been flirting with Ginny and Harry, promising Theo he'd see him tomorrow before they took the Portkey to Italy and gave Hermione a quick wave before bounding down the stairs after Malfoy.
Ginny came to the kitchen. "Oh Mione, was he awful to you again?" Hermione nodded and screwed her eyes up, letting the tears fall and wiped them away angrily.
Her friend leaned on the counter. "What's changed? You never gave a flying fuck what that prat thought before."
Hermione swiped more tears, annoyed at herself. She knew Ginny was right. "It's because of Theo. Draco is kind of his brother and he hates me. Theo has been accepted by my family, I feel like I'm failing him every time I don't get on with Malfoy."
"Hm," Ginny drummed her fingers over her cheek as she leant on her elbow. "I think you should go back to being annoyed and disdainful of his behaviour rather than upset. If you got what you wanted, you'd have a much bigger problem on your hands."
"What do you mean?" Hermione blinked confusedly at Ginny. The woman just shrugged and pushed off, beckoning Hermione back to the rest of their friends.
She downed the rest of the whisky Malfoy had left in his glass. She exhaled and shook herself out of it, putting on a smile and rejoining the party.
When they had managed to wrangle a very drunk Ginny and Harry into the spare room to sleep, Theo and Hermione collapsed in their own bed. Neville had disappeared with Pansy and wouldn't be needing the room tonight.
Hermione handed Theo a Pepper-Up Potion to sober them up.
"You want to do this now?" he took the vial from her.
She nodded. "Just in case, before the Portkey." Theo swallowed, nervous at the implication.
They drank the potion and she leaned forward to kiss Theo while they waited for it to take effect. She lazily drew her tongue against his, running her hand through his dark waves before curling her hands around his neck. His arm around his waist pulling her close to him and her heart jumped like it always did and she sighed. He inhaled it like her pleasure sustained him and deepened the kiss, laziness turning into need and heat. His hand trailed up her body, but she pulled back just before he reached to stroke across her breast.
"What's wrong?" His voice was hoarse with lust.
"I don't think we should speak in an afterglow either. We need to be clear with each other."
Even though he quirked the corner of his mouth in disappointment, he nodded.
So they waited the remaining minutes for the Pepper-Up, just looking into each other's eyes. Despite her best efforts, Hermione was thrumming with a welling of love for him. She revelled in the way he studied her face, eyes resting on different parts as he memorised her. His eyes slid down the slope of her nose and he gave a small smile, he sighed looking at her lips. He swallowed as she blinked slowly at him. He gave a shaky breath as he stroked gentle fingers across her cheek. It took her everything she had not to melt into him.
Finally she felt the last of the alcohol leave her. "Can I start?" Theo nodded. Her apology rushed out of her. "I'm so sorry I deceived you. The morning of the Transit, I saw the runes, those awful gold, sparkling runes and the first thing I did was curse."
"How badly?" he chuckled at her.
"I think I said something about fucking a duck." She smiled at his surprised laugh. "I got back in bed and set a timer and broke down completely. Crying, screaming, the whole thing. I gave myself three minutes and then I got on with life. I had to meet Harry and everyone for breakfast and I had a plan just in case."
"Why just in case? Did you expect to have Draco's name on you?" Theo tilted his head.
"Merlin, no! There were no details about what kind of love would show up for a soulmate and I thought maybe Harry's name would turn up and Ginny used to be jealous of us, of how close we are. I had made the plan for her." Theo nodded to show he followed and for her to continue.
"Of course, though I saw him often enough at various things, I hadn't talked to Malfoy much since school, but he'd gone out of his way to be perfectly hideous to me every time I had. Even worse than school really, at least the latter half. Like he'd perfected how to get to me until I got used to it. So I covered up his name and added yours, Ron's and Oliver's."
"Why us?" Theo asked.
Hermione quirked her mouth. "Well, Ron was obvious, that's what people thought they would see. Oliver and I had been flirty when I worked with him, I'd talked about him to Ginny and Harry before. Yours were for similar reasons, pretty much all my friends had known about my crush on you for years."
Theo smiled at her and kissed her softly. "Don't worry, I had a crush on you the whole time as well." The sentiment was clouded by the fact that he had been in a relationship with Luna for quite a bit of that. "Anyway, keep going," Theo told her, sensing her hesitancy.
"I never meant for anyone other than Ginny, Harry, Ron and Fay to see the fake runes. But I wanted to make sure the gold runes hadn't somehow unglamoured so I checked before ringing the doorbell at Grimmauld Place. I didn't see the reporter there. It's illegal for them to use Disillusionment charms, but this one must have been under one. And then you found me later that day and here we are." She smiled and he kissed the tip of her nose.
"So please don't tell any of them, but especially not Harry. He will try and force me to sleep with Draco and he will badger me with a million different plans until it's done to make sure I don't die. I'm sure we can find a way to dissolve the spell so he never has to know."
Theo searched her eyes carefully but he must have found what he was looking for because he smiled. "I won't, we'll break the curse together. Or since people have been getting new runes as more twenty-one-year-olds come through, maybe you will have a new name before the eight years are up who we could work something out with."
"So far no one with gold runes has reported that. Everyone with gold only has one rune set and no silver. But you're right. I've wondered about why the runes name who they do. Maybe it's just sexual compatibility. Maybe it's solely for fertility, I'm not sure. I intend to find out in Italy."
Theo absorbed the information and brought his gaze to her again, finally asking what he'd always wanted to. "So, you and Draco… What's the deal? And please be honest, don't try to spare my feelings sweetness."
Hermione blinked in confusion. "There's no deal between us. I haven't told him. I hope you haven't told him, either."
"Oh Salazar, absolutely not." Theo shook his head. "I meant how you feel about him. Do you feel an attraction there? Do you- Should we talk about whether you should sleep with him? I- I really can't lose you in eight years."
Hermione thought about it again. She imagined asking Draco if he would have sex with her so she wouldn't die in less than a decade. She could see his lip curled in distaste before it would dawn on him how much he'd be able to debase her if he did. He'd have so much control, be able to dictate so much with the threat of her death hanging over her. She thought about him using what he knew to arouse her, mocking her for it, humiliating and shaming her. The crawling despair she would feel as her body betrayed her, desire building as he pummeled into her laughing. Her cheeks would burn in mortification, she'd hate herself and never feel clean again.
She felt sick.
Theo saw the change in her and looked worried, waiting for her to explain. She took a calming breath.
"Objectively, he's attractive, sure. But every time I think about him and what it would be like, I feel repulsive. He likes to make me uncomfortable, embarrassed and lesser and it's like he wants me to hate myself. He told me tonight that I was perfect and that he despised it, maybe that's why he loathes me. So whenever I think about us sleeping together and him using that opportunity to further humiliate me, I feel sick. I'd rather go through anything else because I don't want that memory in my life."
"He said you were perfect tonight?" Theo asked, brushing a curl behind her ear.
She nodded. "He told me I was all wrong because I was perfect and if I wasn't then maybe he'd be able to stand me. He looked disgusted. You know he was the one who got Luna here tonight, and really I'm kind of grateful because I hadn't seen her in so long, but he wanted to break us up. He doesn't want you to go to Italy. He doesn't think I'm good enough for you," her voice had got quiet now.
"That's not-" Theo started but stopped before he finished the thought. She could see him thinking over everything she'd said. "Hermione, I understand your perspective and yeah, I figured he'd managed to convince Luna to come tonight. But what if you slept with him and I was there as well? Or we could blindfold you and silence him? Or we could… Obliviate you afterwards so you didn't remember?" His voice was quiet at the last suggestion, he knew she wouldn't like it.
"Harry taught me to resist Imperius and I have used that to guard against other spells. I can't be Obliviated. It can't get into my castle." She tapped her head. "After what I did to my parents, I vowed that would never happen to me. And please believe me, I have thought about every scenario where I sleep with Draco to be done with it but all of them make my skin crawl. I just- I can't do it." She sighed, shakily. "Right at the beginning of all this, Ginny said to me that the runes confirmed the decisions she had made in life, validated her choices. They do the opposite for me. I either trust the runes or myself. And I choose me." Her eyes sparkled with determination and she saw Theo smile at the familiar look. She would not be moved on this.
"Then let's break this curse," he murmured and she nodded against his chest as he pulled her to it.
"Your turn," she whispered, tickling his chest hair and making him shiver.
"I apologise I didn't tell you about her. I knew you were friends, she would talk about you all the time. I met her at Malfoy's club. She was just so different from everyone else there and some of her fan club were around, admiring her as she danced and drank. At the time, seeing other people covet her made me want her, too. I approached her and well, you know what she's like. So delicate yet forthright, seemingly innocent but quietly passionate."
He had a pensive look, remembering. "We weren't really boyfriend and girlfriend, we were either together or we weren't. She spent a lot of time at the club with us. We were our best when we were wasted, falling into each other again and again but I was still heavy into the party scene and didn't have any interests outside of that. I'm pretty sure I bored her when we were sober."
"I can't imagine you being boring," Hermione stroked his jawline with her thumb.
"I stopped being boring when I met you at her father's talk. I hadn't expected to love talking to you so much, you made me thirst to know things so I could talk about them with you. So I pulled back from partying and tried to take up the few legitimate business dealings my father had before everything. Luna and I tried for real then, and it was good for a while. For a year it was amazing, then it stopped being as amazing and everything we had was just an echo of what once was. Does that make sense?"
Hermione nodded in understanding. "Sounds like what happened to Ron and I."
"We would break up then get back together and then the Transit happened. We'd not been together for three weeks at that point. I saw the paper and it was like lightning struck me like I knew what I wanted. I'd denied you and pushed you away for years, Hermione." He was looking at her so preciously a hand cupping her face and thumb stroking her cheek. Her heart clenched as she fought not to just kiss him and lose herself in his touch.
"I got dressed and came to you as soon as I could, I only paused to write Luna. I just sent her the article and a note that said, 'Never again, it's over.' That wasn't very nice of me, but it felt like I had this amazing opportunity with you and I'd wanted you for so long..." He slowed and looked at her, coming back from his memories. "It's why I didn't want you to wander when you made the wall in my mind after we first slept together, I thought you would hate me."
"Why didn't you ask me out sometime when you and Luna were off? You must have known I was attracted to you. I would ignore everyone else at those lectures and send you letters to make sure you would be at the next one. Not to mention all of my repeated attempts at asking you out. So why didn't you accept?" Her eyes met his green irises and as he blinked his long lashes her breath caught in her chest.
"You have no idea how much I wanted to, it was torture saying no. But I wasn't at that first lecture we went to by accident." He waited, searching for a reaction, all he found was a creeping flush on her face as she fought to stay focused and not give in to her desire. He pulled her leg over his thigh and smiled at the heat emanating from between her legs.
"You knew I would be there?" her tone was breathless and she swallowed as he traced circles on the skin of her upper thigh exposed by the inching of her lace-edged nightgown.
"Yes, Luna had told me. We were on at that time. I went in order to spontaneously ask you to come to Greece with us for Draco's birthday." He watched as her eyes looked away, flicking backwards and forwards in a middle space trying to figure it out.
"Was it a prank? A joke for his birthday?" she looked at him again, steeling herself for a painful answer.
Theo gently shook his head. Draco was going to kill him for this. "No, Draco has had an infatuation with you for years. It goes all the way back to school. I know he is always awful to you, but he's almost nice on his birthday so I thought maybe if you met him then and he managed not to insult you he might have a shot." Her jaw had flopped open in shock, her emotions passed by in a cascade. Shock, understanding, embarrassment, anger, realisation tumbled through her.
"So you never accepted my invites for him? You were reserving me for Draco like some sort of prize?" She wasn't happy, but then she softened. "Oh, because of what he did for you in the war. You thought I could make him happy."
Theo nodded. "I didn't know you very well, you were just someone Draco had a thing for. When I actually talked to you at the lecture it was like lighting a candle in a dark room. I suddenly understood why Draco liked you. Except I wasn't a huge, raving prat about it. And so you liked me back."
"Ever so much," she breathed and she could tell he was having a hard time trying not to just kiss her in oblivion.
"You made me very late to Draco's birthday. I had to lie and say a family member was taken to hospital. I had organised the trip with Pansy and I had to keep lying for years. I couldn't let Drake know I was falling for you, too. But when the Prophet printed your runes, I knew Draco wouldn't be able to do anything about that. I finally felt hope that I could be with you without him hating me entirely."
"So he can never know about my real runes then," Hermione said, trailing light fingers down Theo's chest.
"I honestly think it might kill him," Theo told her.
"Mmm, we'll break the curse or let it kill me instead then." Hermione could no longer resist and she closed the distance between Theo and herself slotting her lips between his and despite everything, her heart jumped in her like it would explode, shining and throbbing.
Theo brought his hands to either side of her face and kissed her deeply, a moan of need vibrating through their kiss. The thin strap of her nightgown slipped off her shoulder and Theo traced a line down her neck across the slope of her collarbone. A delicious thrill undulating through her.
Her hands fisted in his T-shirt not allowing him to get away as their tongues danced along each other. A metallic fizzing that prickled like the calm in the air before a storm flitted in Hermione like her brain was sparking with the flood of pleasure. Theo dragged the tip of his tongue along the roof of her mouth and it felt so good a tear leaked out of the corner of Hermione's eye.
Theo pulled away and lifted the tear off her cheek with a finger. "You're crying, sweetness. Are you OK?" He looked so concerned and Hermione sighed shakily as her heart threatened to explode out of her.
"I just love you so much," she breathed letting the words be captured between them as she delved into another kiss. She had not said that before. This kiss was manic, and he rolled over to be atop her. She could hear Theo's heart thumping loudly from her words. He pulled back and he looked at her, cupping her face and kissing her all over. A smile that held a thousand promises gracing him.
"You have to know, Hermione-" he started but she cut him off.
"Don't say it now. Tell me when it forces its way out of you like it can't bear to be unsaid anymore. Let's have two moments exactly like this," she placed her hands on his neck and pulled him down to her again, devoted to the way he groaned in bliss against her.
Her whole body was pulsing and she was a bit embarrassed that she was already so close to orgasm. Her spine arching into Theo as his hands left burning tracks along her skin.
They paused only to remove their clothing, kissing open expanses of skin as they became available. Hermione was so tightly coiled, she had been hanging on desperately for the past ten minutes trying so hard not to spill over the edge. But as she grasped Theo, stroking him and making him moan her name into her neck and he thumbed across her nipples, passing over them twice more while shattering her resolve with kisses, she cried out, pulling into him as she shook. The wave of her orgasm crashing violently into her, making the world seem muted like she was underwater.
Theo chuckled lightly, pulling himself up above her. "I affect you that much?" she could only nod and pull him down to her again, needing his mouth on her.
She was still trembling, a little freaked out. That had never happened to her before, the barest touch causing her to lose herself. She clutched at Theo, digging her fingernails into his shoulders.
Theo held her and she was able to stop shaking. She pulled her head up, "Sorry, I was just surprised and it scared me, the strength of what I felt when we had barely done anything."
"Are you alright? What can I do for you?" Theo was searching her face trying to make sure there was nothing else she was holding back considering the evening they had.
She shook her head, feeling better in his care. "I need you inside me. But can we go slow?" She grasped his member and sunk herself down on it. The stretch making her give a long exhalation. He always felt so good and the sensation distracted her from the momentary madness she had suffered.
Theo seemed to sense she was fine now but still took things very slow. Sliding in and out of her idly, dragging across the sensitive spot inside her with every stroke. He watched her face the entire time, ensuring she was alright but she had started sighing softly again as she lay over his chest.
"Volupta copulor" she whispered with a wave of her hand. Theo shuddered beneath her.
"Oh-" he swallowed and his movements became even slower. "This is incredible, what is it?"
"It's how you affect me, I've connected you to my pleasure, I want you to know how good it feels." She sighed and sat up feeling the spindling start to coil in her again.
Theo's hands sat at her hips as she moved up and down his length at the angle that worked against her collection of nerves. His eyes were open in wonder, a flush blossoming up his neck. Experimentally he moved a thumb to stroke across her bud and they simultaneously moaned in bliss. Hermione brought herself down hard upon him with the sensation and Theo touched her again, a slightly harder pressure this time. A jolt zinged through them.
"Oh, fuck," Theo cursed as he tipped his head back into the pillow.
Hermione began moving faster, in time with Theo's strokes on her. Theo was breathing hard and his eyes were blown black with desire. Hermione leaned forward and kissed him, allowing him to thrust up into her and Theo groaned against her tongue. Hermione smiled but then gasped as her hardened nipples brushed against his chest, sparking fire low in her belly and a desperate sound left Theo.
They were moving quickly now and the prickling in Hermione's brain was starting to tingle in anticipation, the build up of her orgasm coming.
"Oh Salazar, please Hermione. Oh gods, please," Theo's breathy whispers caressed her skin and Hermione rose up again, lifting herself up and down on him in quick succession, Theo rubbing her clit to match the pace. She brought his other hand up along her side to reach her breast and moved his thumb across the nipple, and she threw her head back. She felt the pressure rise in her and knew it was very close. Then with a final meeting of their hips, she jerked and ecstasy rolled through her, pushing into Theo as well as he yelled out and brought her crashing down to his chest as they spasmed and he spurted inside her. He was pulsing in her with the same intensity her walls were squeezing around him and he clutched her back, his face buried between her breasts.
The black spots in Hermione's vision cleared and the effervescence of her orgasm slowly began to subside.
"Does it feel like that every time?" Theo asked her, his voice muffled as he was trapped beneath her. She started to remove herself from him, but he clung onto her harder.
"Yes, usually." She felt him take a shaky breath and she lifted to see him look up at her in awe, he was shaking as he tried to deal with not only her release but his own as well.
"Defluo Incantatem," she murmured and he whimpered as he felt the sensation slowly ebbing away.
She disengaged from him and brought herself eye level with him, stroking his face. "I love you, Theo. Thank you for coming with me to Italy."
He leant in and kissed her, adhering to her request he not say it back yet. "I'd follow you anywhere, Hermione. I want to share everything with you." There was a pause as he caressed her face gently with the backs of his fingers. "Will you marry me?" He smiled. This was a tradition now. One she knew he meant more and more each time he asked it.
She looked into his eyes and said something she hadn't before, another first for the evening. "Ask me again in another six months."
He kissed her again and how sweet and affectionate and perfect it was caught her breath in her throat. He gathered her close and summoned a blanket over them, waving the candles out and stroked her hair as they drifted off to sleep.