Happy Moonlit Monday!! Thank you to all my reviewers!

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Azlady2003

And another thank you to everyone following or favoriting this story, I do appreciate it. :)

Bit of a warning: I did take a good portion of what happened in New Moon directly from the book, just with a little paraphrasing here and there and my own stuff inserted in to make it relevant to this plot.

Songs to set the mood to:

Liability by Lorde- while Jasper and Bella are talking

Break My Heart Again by FINNEAS- during flashback

Anchor by Novo Amor- after flashback til end of the chapter

As always, I don't own anything you recognize.

BPOV

It was well into the night before I came back to the house. I had run all the way to Seattle before deciding to come back home. I knew Renesmee would be asleep by now, Jacob hopefully too. They had been up half the night before and need the rest. I didn't want to face them yet. Hell, I didn't want to face anyone after that little episode but I had to go home at some point. Better face the music sooner rather than later.

When I walked in the front door, I was greeted by Jasper sitting on the couch and flipping through TV channels. I could hear Rosalie and Emmett upstairs in their room. Rose was complaining about having to get the putrid dog smell out of the room. Carlisle was in his office with Esme, both of them working on their own things in comfortable silence. Alice was flitting from room to room helping Esme dust and clean the parts of the house we hadn't used in their absence. The familiar sounds of Nessie and Jake's even breathing comforted me. They were both indeed asleep. It shocked me how normal all of this was, like we had all lived together for decades rather than a couple hours. Jasper turned off the TV and leaned forward in his seat, resting his elbows on his knees and facing me fully. "Good hunt?" He asked.

I hadn't focused very long on hunting. I ran across a mountain lion on my way back from Seattle and decided to drink from it, but then ended up sobbing over it's carcass. Of course I had to find a mountain lion today of all days. "It was fine," I lied smoothly.

I didn't fool him. He said, "Everyone was quite worried about you. They wanted to wait for you down here to make sure you really were fine, but I convinced them you just needed space."

"Thank you." I was touched by his thoughtfulness.

"You're welcome." I sat on the other side of the couch next to him, trying to ignore the way he followed my every move. We sat in silence for a bit, listening to the other members of the house go about their night. At some point, I think I heard Alice move to her closet and start going through it, scoffing that she ever bought such clothes. Jasper asked, "These episodes you have, Jacob said you would go through them before. When we left."

"Jacob," I grumbled. "Needs to learn to keep things to himself."

My disgruntle nature did nothing but confirm Jacob's claims. Jasper nodded once and asked quietly, "Us leaving really didn't do anything good for you, did it?" I faced him and was shocked to see hurt so plain in his eyes.

I didn't answer his question. He didn't need me to. We all knew the answer. Instead I asked, "You know how bad the pain was when you changed? That excruciating burn that just consumed your entire body, mind, and soul?" He nodded. "The pain I felt was a million times worse. What you felt today, that's how I felt every. Single. Day. I thought I was dying. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, everything I did reminded me of...him...of all of you. Breathing hurt. I gave up on everything, just waiting for the end to find me. Then I found out I was pregnant." The familiar prickling of my eyes made me blink more out of habit. How many times would I cry today? "Renesmee gave me a reason to stick around. She gave me the will to keep going."

"She's a remarkable young lady," he agreed. "I can tell your bond is strong."

I smiled. "She is my everything."

Jasper looked at the black TV screen for a moment before looking back at me. "Bella, we were all wrong to leave, to trust that he was thinking clear enough to make rational decisions. I know I can speak for everyone when I say we're sorry."

Would this family ever cease to confuse me? Why was he apologizing when they didn't care for me at all? It's like they were still trying to keep up the act they had before they left. "It's all right," I assured him. "He explained everything right before he left. I understand why you all decided to listen to him and leave." He half smiled and I could feel my chest squeeze at this acknowledgment of the truth. Jasper didn't push it at first, but I could tell there was more on his mind. "What is it?"

He hesitated, as if debating whether he should say anything. Then he squared his shoulders and said, "The six of us coming back didn't do anything to help. If anything, we seemed to have made your pain come back with a vengeance. You are...you're not complete." His head cocked to the side and I could feel his influence testing the edges of my current state, trying to see how I was fairing. I shifted under the weight of his gaze and the emotions. Then, he suggested, "What if we have him come back?"

If my heart was still beating, it would have stopped right then and there. "No," I quickly snapped. I caught myself, trying to reign in the sharp tones in favor of calmer one. "No. He would feel obligated to stay for Renesmee. I couldn't live forever knowing he was only with me because of a mistake we both made."

"He wouldn't only stay because of Renesmee," Alice joined in, suddenly at Jasper's side. She put her hand on his shoulder and he covered it with his. Such a small gesture, but full of so much love and support. It made me want to cry. Alice continued, "He loves you, Bella. You know that, don't you?"

I shook my head, half at Alice and half to dispel the hope that was trying to blossom in chest. "He doesn't, Alice. He told me himself he didn't want me, that I wasn't good for him."

Alice's eyes darkened and I could see her free hand clench into a fist. "He did what?" She almost growled. "What exactly did he say to you?"

I had been trying so hard to keep those memories away. I never wanted to think about the night he left again, but it kept trying to claw its way to the forefront of my mind. I gasped as the hole inside me twisted in every which way and the memories took hold.

"I'm no good for you, Bella."

"My world is not for you."

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me."

"Bella!" I heard Jasper cry. I couldn't respond. My mind was half way here, half way in the forest next to Charlie's house. I could almost see him standing in front of me again- tall, beautiful, with that same mask over his face to keep me from seeing his true feelings. I didn't need to see them. He was spelling them out plain enough for me.

"You...don't...want me."

"No."

"Carlisle!" Someone called. Alice. Alice? I don't remember her coming with us to the forest. She had already left, hadn't she? And where was Carlisle? Was he close by? I thought they all left? He captured my attention again, his jaw tight.

"I'm...tired of pretending to be something I'm not."

Hands brushed my forehead but were gone before I could identify who they belong to. A calming hug enveloped me in its peace and I blinked, running away from the forest and back to the Cullen's living room. They were all standing around me again, looking worried. Jasper had grabbed my hand for both support and to support me and Carlisle was busy looking at my eyes. Thankfully, no one had woken up Jacob or Renesmee. I could still hear them sleeping away upstairs. Carlisle asked, "Are you with us again, Bella?"

I didn't trust my voice to not sound shaky or weak again, so I just nodded. All of them visibly relaxed, but there was still worry and anger in the air. Carlisle backed up only to be replaced by Alice. She threw her hands around my neck and hugged me tight. "Oh Bella! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to upset you again," she cried, keeping a strong hold on me.

I hesitated but put my free arm around her and hugged her back. The hug brought its own sense of peace to me, though I knew it still wasn't enough to calm down my raw and ragged emotions. They were all here. They all cared about me, they were worried about me. "It's okay," I comforted her. "I'm okay."

"Bella, we need to know what he did," Jasper said, trying to keep me as calm and stable as possible. "The way you feel..." he trailed off, not able to prevent the shudder that surged through him.

Alice leaned back and sat at my feet. She kept her hand on my knee so now both her and Jasper were touching me. This was more contact than I had in a long time and I wasn't quite sure how to react to it. But it was so nice. I had been used to cold touched from vampires, it was nice that our temperatures now matched and they felt normal. Alice echoed Jasper by saying, "We were clearly left in the dark about most of what happened. All we knew was that he thought it would be safer for you if we left. He was a mess when we met in Denali before he went off on his own."

I frowned. He was a mess? Why would he be so broken up about everything if he didn't care? It directly went against everything he told me. Maybe Alice was right. Maybe he does still- I cut off the thought. No. He didn't. And I couldn't let myself get caught up in a thought process like that. I bit my lip and looked at the Cullens. They were waiting with baited breath. I tried to keep myself as distant from the story as I could, telling it more as a matter of fact story than something that happened to me in the past.

Five years ago...

Edward hadn't been the same since we shared our beautiful night together. He rarely let us be alone together anymore, having completely stopped showing up through my window at night, he had taken to driving separately to school, and his face had seemed to take a permanent, reserved quality to it. I knew it was just him beating himself up over the birthday party and for hurting me that night, but something in the pits of my stomach said this was much more than him just being moody. Part of me worried I did something wrong when we were together. Should I have been a more active part of it? I did just sort of lay there. Did he not enjoy it? Was my body all wrong? I pushed those persistent thoughts away. No. That night was perfect. Right?

I tried to make things easier on him. I tried to distract him with other trivial things, I wore exclusively long sleeves all the time so he wouldn't see the bruises that were taking forever to heal, I got rid of the mangled pieces of my old headboard and replaced my pillows, never once did I mention anything about what happened that night. None of it seemed to be helping. I wanted so badly to talk to Alice about and see what was going on or even just when this spell would end with him, but I hadn't seen her since my birthday. I asked Edward about it once.

"She's with Jasper right now. She's trying to convince him to travel to Denali," was all he told me.

That definitely didn't help the bad feeling I had.

The feeling of doom seemed to hover over me twenty four seven and was messing with me severely. I had taken to stress eating it seemed. I was constantly hungry. Charlie made a comment about my increased appetite when I had eaten half a dozen eggs in a day. I even started sneaking snacks in classes that didn't allow you to eat in the room, which was something I never did. My eating habits wasn't the only thing getting messed up. I had begun to have such vivid, strange dreams that often turned into nightmares. I would wake up drenched in sweat from my lately too warm room, grabbing at the bed next to me for Edward's cool body to calm down.

He wasn't there to soothe me.

He didn't comment when he saw the bags under my eyes darken.

He didn't comment about my increased appetite or the amount of junk food was now included in my diet.

He didn't comment about anything.

I wasn't used to him not caring.

Three days I had to deal with this. Three days running on no sleep and too much food. Alice never came back for me to ask her what was happening. In fact, I hadn't seen any of the Cullens since my birthday. Emmett and Rosalie had stopped coming to school too. It was like they were all avoiding me now. I couldn't help but wonder if a line was crossed on my birthday. If maybe they realized how dangerous it was to be hanging out with a frail human and wouldn't be around me unless Edward changed me. Maybe that was why Edward was moody too? I knew he didn't want me to become Ike him but if the rest of his family was pushing him to do it, it would make him more irritable and brooding than usual. On the third day of this bizarre behavior, I had enough. I couldn't tell if it was the lack of sleep or if I had just finally reached a boiling point. Either way, I was ready to give Edward a piece of my mind after school. He surprised me instead by asking, "Do you mind if I come over today?"

"Of course not," I said, voice clipped.

"Now?"

My anger was very quickly disappearing and my stomach felt like it was full of lead at the urgency in his tone. "Sure."

He followed me home in his own car and I kept glancing back to see if I could read anything in his face while he drove. His empty mask was still in place. When we reached the house, he didn't follow me inside. He asked if I would take a walk with him in the nearby forest instead. Alarms were ringing in my head the entire time we walked. Something's not right! This is bad, very bad they kept yelling. I struggled to keep it together. We didn't go far, I could still see the house from where we were, when he turned to face me.

"Bella, we're leaving. We can't stay in Forks much longer. Carlisle can barely pass for thirty and he's claiming to be thirty-three now. It was only a matter of time, we would have to start over soon regardless."

We were leaving? That wasn't at all what I was fearing from this conversation. I knew we would have to eventually, but so soon? I still hadn't figured out what I would tell Charlie or Renee. I hadn't let the school know about any transferring either. Maybe the Cullens, or at least Edward had taken care of that already. Still, there was so much I had to do first. "Leaving? Now? Another year..." I trailed off, taking in his cold eyes. He looked like he was waiting for me to grasp something he really meant but was eluding me. A sinking feeling in my stomach made me nauseous. "When you say we..."

"I mean my family and myself."

He waited while I processed the words and their meanings in my head. I shook my head, refusing the acknowledge the truth. "Okay," I said. "I'll come with you."

"You can't Bella. Where we're going...It's not the right place for you."

"Where you are is the right place for me."

"I'm no good for you Bella."

"Don't be ridiculous. You're the best part of my life." I wanted to sound angry, to be angry again, but I just sounded like I was begging.

"My world is not for you," he said grimly.

"Is this about what happened with Jasper? That was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"

"You're right," he agreed. "It was exactly what was to be expected."

"Is it about my soul then?" I shouted at him, hating how calm he looked while it felt like my world was imploding. "I don't care, Edward. You can have it, it's yours already!"

He stared at the ground, unseeingly, for a moment. Then he took a deep breath and looked up at me, his eyes as harder than topaz. "Bella, I don't want you to come with me." His words were cold and precise and he watched as I absorbed what he was saying.

"You...don't...want me?" I said, confused by the words. They didn't make sense. They shouldn't be together in a sentence. Not in that order.

"No."

I stared, still not understanding what he was saying. I didn't want to understand what he was saying. Somewhere in the back of my mind knew I couldn't handle understanding. So I stared. I stared and tried to find any ounce of the man I loved in Edward's eyes, the man who loved me so much that he was able to pull himself away from my blood to not kill me last year. The man who shared so much of himself with me in the meadow and the night of my birthday. That man was no where to be found. "What about our night together? You said you wanted me," I said weakly.

His mouth twisted into a mockery of the crooked smile I loved so much. "I did in the moment. But really I could've gone with anyone if I wanted to. You were just there and so...willing. Plus, I couldn't pass down an opportunity to take some girl's virginity now could I?"

Something in me cracked, but the numbness kept me from feeling the pain. "You said you loved me."

He turned away from my gaze, speaking to the trees. "I lied, Bella. I was bored, you were there. Didn't take much to convince you either. Most human girls fall for the self-destructive brooding type. We're a mystery and you always think you can fix us. But things need to change now."

Most human girls? Did that mean there was more than me? "Was it something I did? Or maybe didn't do? We can try it again. Just tell me what you want and I'll do it," I practically begged. Was I right all along? That he didn't enjoy himself and I failed as a partner?

"It's not because of the sex, although yes I'll admit it wasn't the best I've ever had." I flinched at his mocking tone. "It's because I'm...tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human." He looked back, letting me see his full, perfect, clearly not human face. "Emmett says I've been letting this go on for too long and I am sorry for that. I didn't intend for things to get so serious."

"Don't," I whispered. "Don't do this."

He had to be lying, he had to be. The way he held me, the love he whispered to me, it couldn't be a lie. I wasn't convenient. He loved me. But I saw nothing in his face that proved otherwise. "You're not good for me, Bella. My family humored me for a while but what happened with James and then Jasper, it's too much of a risk. It's too dangerous. You're too weak."

"Then change me!" A sudden plea burst out of me. "Alice said she saw me like you, so change me. It wouldn't be dangerous anymore."

His jaw clenched the tiniest bit and his voice was so cold, it could have frozen hell. "Alice's visions are subject to change quite easily. Besides, none of us want to be attached to you forever."

I flinched. Something flickered in his eyes but it disappeared before I could identify it. I stuttered, "But...Alice..."

"Will be glad she doesn't have to pretend to be your friend anymore," he informed me. "Really all of them will be glad not to have to pretend anymore. You're just a pathetic human. We'll find another one when we get bored again. You're all the same." He chuckled darkly. "Well, maybe not completely. You're more clingy than most. More prone to accidents too. It's really the only thing extraordinary about you at all."

His words stung me to my core. Right. Humans. After a couple decades, we would all just seem the same wouldn't we. I wasn't special. I wasn't unique. There wasn't anything outstanding about me. I just happened to be assigned to sit next to Edward in Biology and he saw fresh meat. Just like all the other boys in the school. Another thought dawned on me. "They already left. Alice isn't coming back."

He shook his head. "No. They're gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye. It's for the best too. They said I would probably let you down easier than any of them could."

I flinched. There was no hope then. They were all already gone. "If...if this is what you want."

He nodded once.

Ice trickled down my veins.

"That's that then," he said. "We won't bother you again, I promise. This will be the last time you'll see me. It'll be as if we never existed." Without another look at me, Edward Cullen was out of my life.

Present Day

I told them an edited version of what he had said to me in the forest. They really just needed to know that he said he didn't want me anymore. I couldn't tell them the rest of what he said. The words he wounded me with when I kept pushing to come with him, shoving the evidence he was lying in his face. I had clung to him for dear life, refusing to let him go. And I paid the price for pushing him too far. He unloaded everything on me, held nothing back.

No...I didn't need to tell them how worthless I was made to feel or how he had unloaded their secret hatred of me. They didn't need to be reminded. It might make them leave again.

When I was finished, no one said a word. Esme was sobbing into Carlisle's side and I could still hear Jacob and Nessie sleeping away upstairs, but everyone else was as silent as the dead. I was worried I had said too much, reminded them why they all had to leave in the first place. Would they leave again? Go back to how things were? Then, a loud bang broke the silence. We all looked over to see Emmett pull his fist from the newly made hole in the wall. He blinked at all of us, as if not realizing what he had done. "Sorry, Mom," he muttered to Esme.

"He didn't tell us any of it," Alice breathed, staring at the couch in front of her with a horrified expression. "He just said it was done and left. He didn't tell us about your night together, or how he hurt you, and he sure as hell didn't tell us about what he told you before he left."

"I'm going to kill him," Rosalie muttered. She looked so angry she could pass as an avenging angel. Her lips curled over her teeth and she growled louder, "I'm going to kill him!" She got up like she was going to run out the door and track him down tonight.

Carlisle was in front of the door in a flash. "Rosalie, compose yourself," he scolded her.

"He used her, lied to her, and just left her here, Carlisle. I can't just sit here and pretend everything is fine!" She almost yelled.

Carlisle didn't flinch from her anger. "Let us talk about this in a calm manner," he pushed. "We don't need to do anything rash."

Emmett scoffed. "You can't honestly be on his side right now, Carlisle. He lied to her, he lied to all of us!" He exclaimed, throwing his arms up to gesture around the room. "He could've just let James change her. Alice saw her as one of us anyways, it made sense. But he decided to be a coward and run and make up this bullshit to lie to all of us. Give us one good reason why we shouldn't go bring him here and make him face the consequences of his actions."

"Because I don't want him here," I reminded them quietly. Both Emmett and Rosalie looked at me, both their eyes blazing liquid gold. I wasn't sure how I looked to them but I was sure it wasn't good. Emmett calmed down slightly, but his face was all hard lines.

Rosalie, however, pushed past Carlisle and ran out the door. Carlisle was about to go after her when Alice said, "She's fine. She's not going to find him. She just needs some time to cool off." Emmett excused himself from the house as well to follow his wife.

Jasper squeezed my hand and I squeezed back. I was incredibly grateful for his presence. I don't think I could've gotten through the tale without him keeping me present and calm. He asked, "I can see now why you are making the decisions you are making. He found every way to make his words hurt just enough."

I winced. "You see now why my pain won't end if he came back," I told him. "He doesn't love me anymore."

"He lied, Bella," Jasper said gently. I wanted to look away from him. I didn't want him to comfort me with more lies, but something made me keep eye contact with him. He was so sincere as he told me, "He lied so you would let him go. I know how he felt when we left and I know how he felt before then. Vampires can't change their feelings when they're that intense. He still loves you."

I shook my head, even though everything was screaming at me to believe him. "Please don't...don't Jasper," I begged him. "I'm...okay. It never made sense for him to love me and I made peace with that a long time ago. I won't ever be fixed and whole again. But what I have here with Renesmee and Jacob, and now with you all here, it's...enough."

He didn't push, although I could tell he wanted to. Outside, I noticed the once dark night had turned light. Had we been talking for that long? Upstairs, I heard Renesmee begin to stir. Alice also heard her niece begin to wake up and came to my aid. "We should put a pin in this for now. I'm sure Renesmee is already going to have her own questions when she sees you, we don't need to add anymore fuel to the fire."

"Agreed," Carlisle nodded. "Now we all know what causes you so much emotional distress, we can be sure to navigate away from those situations. It will keep you safe and Renesmee from asking too many questions."

"Thank you all," I said. I squeezed Jasper's hand and grabbed Alice's for a moment before getting up to greet my daughter with the morning.

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