Red was feeling energized a few weeks later as she finished serving a woman and then held the door for her to maneuver her double stroller out onto the sidewalk. It still wasn't easy, but the more she conversed with the public and put herself out there, the more natural it became. Her skin was brighter, her soul felt lighter, and her lips curved in a smile as she hurried to take some biscuits out of the oven. The aroma of baking filled up the store and made her stomach grumble with want, but she couldn't bring herself to taste one. Not now that her grandson couldn't.
"Those will be ready to come off the trays in five minutes," she said.
Red turned her head to look expectantly over at her husband, who gave no response aside from some rustling behind his newspaper. His face was blocked, and Red huffed in irritation as she walked over to him with her hands tucked into the pockets of her white apron. Even accepting that her husband wasn't exactly the fastest reader in the world, didn't account for the hours he spent buried behind it every day as a form of escapism.
"Dmitri?"
Her red polished manicure caught the light as she curved her hand over the top of the paper and pulled it back. Dmitri rolled his eyes up at her and tried unsuccessfully to pry her off. It was definitely an adjustment to be back in this store together after such a lengthy separation. Most of the time it felt like they were in a constant tug-of-war match, with Red less patient than ever for his slothiness and him not appreciating the way she tried to tell him what to do. It was like a crash course in recalling all the things that had always bothered them about one another.
"Five minutes...yes, I heard you," Dmitri heaved a great sigh as he abandoned the struggle for his newspaper, and got to his feet.
He walked around the counter and swiped a hot pastry off of the tray immediately. He took a quick bite and then another, ignoring the heat in his mouth as he crunched. It was too good to wait and he was excited about his wife recreating recipes that they hadn't offered in years. Galina's touch was different than Lida's, but she still had a knack for all the things that had made her successful in building this business in the first place. Dmitri couldn't help but feel proud of her, despite how much she tended to grate on his nerves.
"And then move everything up to the front on the shelves," Red instructed. She liked all her merchandise to be neat and orderly, though Dmitri looked as though he could have lived without the busy work his wife liked to assign.
"Anything else?" he asked reluctantly.
"No," Red replied, reaching behind her to untie the strings of her apron.
"I have supper in the oven upstairs, but Yuri wil take it out when he wakes up," she explained, pulling the apron up over her head.
She hung it on a hook on the wall, and then smoothed back her short red haircut with a single hand. She was feeling good about herself, on her feet all day and with her plate overflowing with responsibility. It was exhausting, but that was exactly how she liked it. Caring for her family and managing the store distracted Red from the plaguing thoughts in her head. It helped her sleep at night.
"These are delicious, Galina," Dmitri told her favourably, taking another bite.
"I'm going to try them with cinnamon tomorrow," she smiled.
"Ever better," his eyes crinkled.
Lida had taken a big step back since Koyla's diagnosis, which forced Red to jump into running things without that safety net. It was intimidating, but just what she needed. With no time to overthink things or second guess herself, she was thriving. It was remarkable what someone could do when there was no other choice. She'd expanded the hours, and reopened on Sundays, which had always been her most profitable day of the week. Bustling around her store from early morning until late evening, wearing a pair of tall black leather boots, with a skirt, and jewellery she'd owned most of her life, Red felt almost like she had stepped back into the shoes of the person she used to be.
"How long?" Dmitri asked.
"His group is an hour," Red replied.
She was picking Koyla up from school and taking him to a support meeting for kids who had Type 1 Diabetes. It was a play structured therapy session that provided the opportunity to make friends with others who had this disease. Ordinarily, one of his parents would take him, but Vasily had to work late and Lida had errands to run with the girls. That left his Babushka to step in, which Red was always only too happy to do.
"So, that means you'll be back in an hour and a half? Two max?" Dmitri guessed.
"What does it matter?" Red shot him a look of annoyance.
"I just like to know where you are," Dmitri replied.
"You come home late almost every night and I don't say anything," Red reminded him.
"What's there to say?" Dmitri muttered, turning his head away from her.
"A lot more than you're saying," her eyes narrowed.
"I was just trying to figure out if dinner was going to be late, or if I'd be spoiling my appetite by having another one of these," Dmitri looked back at her.
Red rolled her eyes and watched Dmitri help himself to a second pastry. He munched on it as he walked past her to begin pulling products close to the front of the shelf like she'd ask. Though Red felt conflicted in her heart, her bottom lip curled menacingly as she reached for her purse. She wasn't sure she agreed with her husband anymore, about their unspoken pact about leaving things unsaid.
"Bye," she said coolly, brushing past him on her way to the door.
"Don't be upset, Galina," Dmitri reproached her.
"I'm not," she said shortly, pausing with her hand curved around the door knob.
"Are you sure?" Dmitri asked softly, straightening up a row of cans.
"I don't know where I stand with you anymore," Red admitted, turning around to watch some crumbs fall from Dmitri's lips as he took another bite. At least he appreciated her food, if nothing else about her anymore.
"You never have to worry about that," Dmitri tried to reassure her.
"I worry about everything," Red replied. "Especially when I'm home all alone at night waiting up for you."
"I'm just used to not having anyone at home to answer to," Dmitri said.
"I used to have to beg you to take me out to dinner or a movie," Red reminded him, shuffling her boots against the floor. "You never wanted to go anywhere."
"I got lonely without you, Galina," Dmitri admitted. "We can talk about it if you want to, I suppose.
"I have to go get Koyla," Red said stiffly, adjusting the strap of her purse on her shoulder.
She tried to think about other things as she stepped out onto the busy sidewalk. The sunshine was glowing down and despite a slight chill in the air, it was a gorgeous day. The walk to the school didn't take more than a few minutes, and she smiled at the sight of her grandson running around the yard with his friends through the fence. Koyla looked to be the picture of health, which was remarkable when one took into account how critical he'd been just a few weeks ago.
"I can run fast again!" he exclaimed, as he rushed into her arms.
"I know, I saw you," Red kissed the top of his head.
Koyla chatted about his best friends and the dinosaur game they'd played during recess for the entire walk to the community center his group met at. He hoped they'd get to play on the park again today, which was how they usually wrapped up the sessions. His resilience and confidence was inspirational, and Red found herself empowered by it. Trying to navigate a strained marriage after all these years seemed like such a small problem to have by comparison.
"I'll be waiting for you just outside," Red said, though Koyla needed no reassurance.
He rushed eagerly over to another boy his age that he had befriended on his first day. From where she stood, Red wouldn't have been able to guess that either of them were sick. All of them appeared as energetic and jovial as any other child. The hardest thing to contend with, even more than needle pricks, was the food. What to offer and how much of it. Still, she reckoned it was easier to make those adjustments at a young age before so many bad habits settled in.
Red got in line to buy herself a cup of coffee and then went to drink it on a bench by a wall of windows. Sometimes she still felt like an impersonator out in the world like this, but it was getting easier. She took out her phone and smiled at the screensaver, which was a photo of her grandchildren. Maxsim had sent her a message, and there were five more from Nicky. Crossing her legs and typing back replies with a single hand, while she sipped at her coffee, Red was engrossed in her own little world that she barely was aware of the hall filling with people getting out of a meeting in an adjacent room from Koyla's.
"Red?"
Red bristled at the name that only Nicky still used sometimes. This wasn't Nicky's voice though, and her heart felt stunned before she even raised her eyes up from her phone. It was too familiar to not be, but how could it be? Her lips parted as she looked up at Tricia. Dressed in a pair of shabby jeans and a green windbreaker, with an overstuffed backpack over one shoulder, and her blonde hair loose and hanging down her back. Red was completely lost for words as both her hands shook at once, fumbling her cup of coffee. It spilled onto the floor and her phone clattered down with it.
"What-" Red bit down on her bottom lip, and turned to practicality first. She reached into her purse for some paper napkins she'd stuffed in there.
"I got out last week," Tricia explained. "How about you?"
"Six months," Red mumbled, crouching down to soak up the spilled coffee with her wad of napkins. She tossed the napkins and her coffee cup into a nearby garbage can, and stuffed her phone into her purse.
"You look clean," Red said finally, sitting back and scanning her eyes over Tricia in a good once over.
"I'm sober," Tricia said proudly, which was what Red had meant to say.
Tricia's stringy blonde hair looked like it needed washing. Actually, all of her looked like she needed a good shower. Her eyes were bright and alert though, Red could tell that she wasn't using. This filled her with a sense of relief and lifted a huge weight off of her chest, that she hadn't even realized was so heavy. Tricia was alive, and not too worse for wear. She was even free.
"What are you doing here?" Red asked, sliding over on the bench to make room if Tricia wanted to sit down.
"I do AA here," Tricia replied, sinking down on the bench beside her and dropping her backpack to the floor by her feet.
"Such a small world," Red murmurred, "I just live a few blocks from here."
"I know," Tricia replied. "I remembered you telling me where your place was. I've been meaning to stop in. Trying to get up my nerve."
"To say hi?" Red asked hopefully.
"To give you this," Tricia said, leaning over and unzipping the largest section of her backpack.
Red glanced discreetly inside as Tricia rummaged through it. It looked like she carried her whole life inside that pack and she wondered if the girl was homeless, or living somewhere that necessitated keeping everything she owned on her at all times so it wouldn't be stolen. Either way, it pained her to see a sleeping bag and toiletries stuffed inside a bag in the middle of the day.
"I never paid you back," Tricia explained, finally pulling out a small plastic bag from a drug store.
"Those were gifts," Red objected, shaking her head as she caught a glimpse of shampoo, chapstick, and candy...basic things the girl never would have been able to buy for herself working for ten cents an hour in Electrical.
"I owe you more than this," Tricia insisted.
"No, honey, you don't," Red replied, gently pushing the bag Tricia was offering back into the backpack.
"I am just relieved to see you alive and well. Not a day hasn't gone by that I haven't thought about you."
"I thought you hated me," Tricia said quietly.
"Never," Red promised. "I just didn't know what to do. I feel terrible about how hard I was on you."
"You weren't," Tricia said, leaning over to scratch an itch on the back of her leg.
"One thing they keep reminding me of in AA is that I'm responsible for me. I made my choices...and you, I think you saved my life."
"I think you saved yourself," Red replied.
"Only because I got the chance to," Tricia said. "I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't found me in that closet. I was this close to doing the whole lot on me."
She held up her fingers to show a smidgeon, and Red exhaled a breath she hadn't even realized she'd been holding. There was no doubt in her mind that Tricia was telling the truth. That for the first time since that day Red had washed her hands of her, she extended some grace to herself. Instead of feeling like a negligent mother who abandoned her daughter in her time of need, Red considered that she had done Tricia a good service. Taking those drugs out of her hands, and miraculously Tricia had found the strength to not go looking for more.
"It's so good to see you," Red said, a bit breathlessly.
"Can I buy you a coffee?" Tricia asked with a small smile. "It's sort of my fault you dropped yours."
"No, you can't," Red replied, but she took out her own wallet and pulled out a few crisp bills. "But you can take this and buy us both a coffee, or whatever you want. Hot chocolate?"
She guessed correctly. Tricia had never liked the taste of coffee. Tricia took the money from her hand and went off to get in line, leaving Red to watch her backpack. Red leaned back on the bench and kept her eyes on Tricia, feeling like she had just seen a ghost. Her heart was pounding in her chest and her hands were clammy. Before Tricia made it back over, Koyla's group ran out into the hall.
"Baba, we're going to the park now," Koyla called over happily.
"Who is that?" Tricia asked, handing Red another cup of coffee.
"My grandson," Red smiled, as she waved at him.
"He's cute," Tricia said generously. She sat back down on the bench a bit closer to Red this time, and licked the swirl of whipped cream on top of her hot chocolate.
"Tell me about you though," Red pressed. "I want to hear everything."
"I'm sober," Tricia said again. "That's the most important thing."
"Working?" Red asked.
"Here and there," Tricia answered vaguely.
"Where are you staying?"
"Mostly with my cousin," Tricia replied. "But I move around."
Red pressed her lips together but none of this surprised her. It wasn't anything that Tricia was doing wrong, it was just reality for anyone getting out of prison that didn't have a family to help pick up the pieces. Red had her home and her business to support her, Nicky was given more than she'd ever need, but Tricia didn't have anybody. As a little girl, she'd considered herself better off on the streets than back home. The cards had been stacked against her from the start.
"You have a place with me," Red told her quietly.
Knowing Tricia was sober, there was absolutely no question about it. She wouldn't check with Dmitri first or consider any of the ramifications it might otherwise have on her family. She would never leave Tricia out on the streets. All she wanted was to feed her up, give her a shower, and put her into a warm clean bed that night. She didn't account for Tricia's pride interfering with her plans.
"I'm fine," Tricia said. "Really."
"Isn't your cousin the one who got you on drugs in the first place?" Red asked.
"He's not doing that anymore," Tricia lifted her chin.
"Mmm," Red sucked her teeth.
"I'm figuring it out," Tricia told her proudly. "It's only been a week, give me a little time."
"I believe in you," Red replied. "But I'm here to help too."
It was all she could do. Extend the olive branch and hope Tricia would latch on. Since that didn't seem to be happening, Red settled for keeping Tricia there as long as she could. Letting Koyla play a little bit longer, even after his group broke up for the day. When they finally had to go, Red asked Tricia to come with them to have dinner, but Tricia insisted she had somewhere to be.
"I love you," Tricia told her, giving her a quick hug.
It was only to keep Koyla from wondering and asking awkward questions, that Red reluctantly let her go. If it had just been her by herself, she was sure she would have worked a little harder to persuade her. Instead she was forced to watch Tricia walk away, hoping this would not be the last time she saw her.