How was I supposed to concentrate at school with Bloo yammering on about everything? That girl was hot, that guy got arrested for drunk driving, that teacher was having an affair with that other teacher, those dogs outside were having sex. Being observant is a highly overrated skill. Really, how much of the world around us is even worth noticing?
Yet, as I passed through the hallway, I couldn't help noticing. That guy just said "rage face" out loud, like an exclamation. Someone definitely said "challenge accepted."
"…Yo, check out this jacket. You jelly, bro?"
"…So I ended up playing on single player for like four hours, and I was like, forever alone!"
"You just made today twenty percent cooler."
I grinded my teeth and balled my hand into a fist inside my pocket.
Thankfully, Bloo helped my study habits more than he hurt them. Math problems rode atop the backs of my dragons; dates and names from the Renaissance slithered through my mazes; my lions chased chemistry diagrams; physics equations climbed across the peaks of treacherous, jagged mountains. To my pleasant surprise, my doodles and my notes were far more compatible that I'd expected. Bloo also took it upon himself to help me with my social life, as he did one fateful lunch.
"Isn't that the girl you're into?"
I turned my head towards the table where he was pointing. There, as I'd known before looking, was the red-haired girl I'd had my eyes on for weeks.
"I think you pointed her out to me once. You said she was hot, remember?"
"Yeah, which is why you're extremely attracted to her. You should go say hi."
"I don't need to say hi. I'm fine right here."
"You're eating alone."
"That's because you're here."
"You don't have to respond to everything I say."
"It feels weird if I don't."
Conscious of Bloo's gaze, I chanced another glance at the girl of my dreams. She was radiant, dazzling, a brilliant star in a universe of dark, cold, planets that were devoid of sentient life or even suitable atmospheres. (She was with her friends, so I guess they were the planets or something.)
"You want to go and talk to her," said Bloo, "but you're too shy. You're worried you'll embarrass yourself."
"It's not that. I just... don't feel like it. It's not that big a deal."
"If it's not that big a deal, then you shouldn't have a big problem with going and talking to her."
"I don't."
"Then go over."
"What would I even say?"
"Make up a reasonable excuse to talk to her and just go from there. Ask her if she wants to study for the test on Wednesday."
"But I already studied."
"You're retarded. Do you know that?"
Fearing the worst, I found myself by her table, trying to act natural, and also trying to act like I had some idea what "natural" meant.
"Hey, did you study for that history test on Wednesday?" asked my mouth.
"No. I probably should though," she replied.
"You want to study with me next free period?" I tried to ignore Bloo's murmurs of "good, good" from behind me.
"Yeah, sure. Do you have one at two?"
"Yeah." Oh fuck, I thought. There's way too many people looking at me.
"Alright, so I'll see you then." I escaped without incident.
"See?" said Bloo as I sat back down at my table. "Was that so hard? I mean, I can see how you thought you might screw up, since you're all socially awkward and shy, but you barely had to do anything."
To my dismay, Bloo followed me to our study session (in an empty classroom) and sat on the girl's shoulder. I wanted to tell him to leave, but it was too late—the girl was already there. "The girl?" I thought. I can't call her that, even in my head.
"By the way, what's your name?"
"Frankie. You're Mac, right?"
"Yeah."
As I got out my notebook, I noticed her eyes fall on my drawings. I started to flip to a page that didn't have any before I realized they were on every page, so I settled on one that didn't have any notes to Bloo.
"Nice dragon," she said.
"It's a wizard dragon."
"Why did you say that?" asked Bloo. "That's a stupid thing to say." I bit my lip.
We made a few flashcards and steadily started ingesting kernels of information into our short-term memories.
"Alright," said Frankie, "what was the main indigenous civilization in what is now Colombia?"
"The Muisca," said Bloo. I repeated his answer (which was right) and looked at one of my cards. "What was the Treaty of Tordesillas?"
"That reminds me," said Bloo, "we should get some tortillas later."
"It was signed in 1494," said Frankie, "and… it divided land between Portugal and Spain, land which was…" Bloo began making faces. "…I forget where it was, but it was discovered by Christopher Columbus."
"Only," added Bloo, "we're not supposed to say he 'discovered' anything because that's racist or something."
"Alright, well, that was mostly right but it says the land was halfway between the Cape Verde Islands and the Cipangu and Antilia islands."
"Oh, okay. Norte Chico?"
"It existed between the 30th and 18th centuries BC; had no art but massive architecture; and used textile technology. Tiwanaku?"
"An archaeological site in western Bolivia. Its people had no written language. Meztizo?"
And so it went. We bounced back and forth, remembering a little more each time we returned to the same card.
"Guyana?"
"Simón Bolívar?"
"Empire of Brazil?"
"It was established in the 19th century and ruled by Emperors Dom Pedro the First and Second. It…"
I stopped. Frankie was looking at me strangely. I struggled to think of what I had said that was wrong when I noticed Bloo rolling his eyes. Frankie hadn't read the card aloud; he had.
"How did you see what card I picked from there?" she asked slowly?
I shrugged. "Lucky guess?"
We memorized the rest of the cards without incident, though Bloo tried twice (unsuccessfully) to get me to name bodily fluids rather than pre-Columbian civilizations. As the free period neared its end, Bloo started pointing at the clock.
"Alright," said Frankie, "I think we're about out of time."
"Ask her to hang out after school!"
"Yeah, we are."
"You didn't ask her! Ask her now!" He was now raising his hands to his mouth and stage whispering.
"Okay, so I'll see you around?"
"Yep. See you."
"Ask her!" There she went, out the door. "You… are… an idiot!"
Later, as I was driving home, Bloo clambered down below his seat to sulk. "You remember how I said you were shy and socially awkward? Yeah, that's something we need to work on."
I swallowed. I wasn't sure what to say.