A/N: First: I meant to credit my good Twitter friend M for saving my ass with the previous chapter but I forgot! Wouldn't have been able to put it together like that if she hadn't helped me so THANK YOU. Second: I'm so, so happy that you're still enjoying the story even though I'm testing everyone's patience. Third: How amazing was Kelli in last night's episode? Swoon!
Now, this chapter is kinda lengthy and it was hard work. I hope it paid off.
Very explicit scene ahead…
Christian Leave – Please Notice
Martin Halla – We Found Love
Hozier – Take Me To Church
She hadn't meant to fall asleep next to her. Even after Olivia's blunt invitation, she had still only planned to stay in her bed until the captain fell asleep, then quietly move to the couch where there was absolutely no danger of anyone doing anything that crossed all those lines that were getting blurrier by the minute.
But the bed was so comfortable, and she was exhausted, and as confusing and chaotic as everything was between them, there was still something strangely soothing about lying next to her like this.
Knowing that Olivia was ok, that the baby was ok.
It had all happened so fast. One minute they were on a middle of the day stake out that looked to be a complete waste of time, and the next, Olivia had been on the ground after barely avoiding being run over by the speeding car that seemingly appeared out of nowhere.
"Liv… Liv!" Her voice was panicked as she ran towards the lifeless body. But when she got closer, she heard a groan followed by a mumbled "fuck…" And when she reached her, Olivia was already sitting up.
"Kat, call a bus!"
"I don't need-"
"Yeah, you do. I told you this was a bad idea."
"Thanks, but I really don't need a lecture right now, Rollins."
The use of her last name hurt. Really hurt. After what happened in Olivia's kitchen three weeks ago they had tried, but failed miserably at keeping things strictly platonic. They hadn't kissed, but there had been plenty of not so accidental touches, lingering stares and late night text messages. It was confusing, and complicated, and a mess that neither of them knew how to navigate their way out of.
"Ambulance is on the way, how bad is it?" Kat asked as she joined the two women still seated on the ground.
"It's fine, Tamin. You can call it off." The brunette said as she started to get up.
"No, don't call it off."
The young officer looked from her captain to the blonde detective with confusion written all over her face.
"Wh-"
Olivia let out a frustrated sigh and glared at Amanda when she realized there was no easy way out of this.
"I'm pregnant, Kat."
"Oh… Oh, shit."
"Yeah." The captain scoffed. "That's what I said."
The ride to the hospital was quiet and awkward. Even though Olivia didn't look like she was in any kind of pain or distress, Amanda was still terrified that something was wrong. And when Amanda was scared, she got angry. Angry at the brunette for being stubborn, for refusing to stay behind her desk, for doing exactly what she had done with both Jesse and Billie.
"You were right." Olivia mumbled after the doctor left the room, reassuring both women that no one, neither baby or mother, was hurt.
"What was that?" The detective asked with one eyebrow raised.
"You were right. I shouldn't have done it."
"Do you hear that?"
"Hear what?" She looked around the room, her eyes searching for whatever the other woman was talking about.
"The sound of hell freezing over."
"Ha ha. You're so funny."
"I know." Amanda snickered as she reached for Olivia's hand and squeezed it tight. And just like that, she wasn't angry anymore.
She insisted on driving her home, unwilling to leave her alone even though she looked to be perfectly fine. "It's still early enough for Sienna to drop the girls off at your place, we can all have dinner together. If that's ok?"
"I'd like that." The brunette smiled as they got in the car.
"So, Noah, I have a surprise for you." Olivia said while reaching for another slice of the pizza they had ended up ordering when neither of them had the energy to make dinner. "You know how I was going to see the doctor next week to find out if it's going to be a boy or a girl?"
"Mhm?"
"Well, I actually went to the doctor today, and guess what?"
"What?"
"You're getting a little sister."
"Yes!" Noah said while raising his little fist in the air. "I knew it."
"What's her name?" Jesse asked from the other side of the table.
"Actually, she doesn't have one yet. Do you have any names you like?"
"Mmm…" The five year old placed a finger to her chin like she was doing some serious thinking. "Elsa. But then you have to get two babies and call the other Anna."
Olivia laughed as she rubbed her belly. "I think I'm all set after this one."
Jesse's name-dropping quickly left them all seated in front of the TV watching Frozen, and even with the kids between them, the brunette couldn't help but reach over to the other side and subtly move her fingers over Amanda's shoulder and to the back of her neck.
And all she kept thinking was how ridiculous it all seemed. That they couldn't be together.
And maybe that's why she said "sleep in my bed tonight" a couple of hours later, after Amanda had finished cleaning the kitchen.
"What about our… agreement?"
"It's just sleep, right?"
"Right."
"I want to ask you something." Olivia said when they were both settled in bed. "Something I've actually been meaning to ask you for a couple of years now."
"Ok?"
"If something should ever happen with me… you know, on the job, or even now, with the pregnancy-"
"Nothing's gonna happen to you."
"But if it did, I want you to have Noah. Ok? I know it's a lot to ask, I know you already have the girls, but... there's no one else."
"Ok, ok, of course, Liv." Amanda turned on her side and placed a hand on her shoulder when she heard how emotional the captain was getting. "Of course I would. But, don't talk like that, ok? Nothing's gonna happen to you."
"I ended up in a hospital bed because I was stubborn and stupid, so how can you know that?"
"I can't. But just for now, let me just be here and be glad that you're ok. That the baby is ok."
She had fallen asleep with her hand resting on Olivia's shoulder and when she woke up a few hours later her hand was still there.
Should I move? I should probably move.
But then Olivia stirred in her sleep and moved just a little closer. Not much, but enough for her backside to almost touch Amanda's lower belly, exposed after her T-shirt had rolled its way up her stomach while sleeping.
Unwillingly, her grip on Olivia's shoulder tightened.
Move, Rollins.
A soft humming sound filled the quiet room and Amanda couldn't help but think that except for her daughters laughing, it was pretty close to the cutest thing she had ever heard.
You need to move now.
Just as she was about to finally do it, Olivia shifted again. "You awake?" The brunette asked.
If I just pretend to be asleep, this can still be just another one of our totally platonic moments. Totally innocent.
"Mhm." She heard herself say, and immediately kicked herself for letting the simple word slip.
"Can't sleep?"
"Just woke up."
"Me too."
"It's still dark outside."
"Mhm."
It was barely noticeable, but Olivia moved again, and if she did that one more time, their bodies would be more or less pressed together.
"You're hot. I mean... warm. You're warm." Amanda stumbled over her words and mentally cringed when she heard the brunette laugh.
"Thanks?"
"You're not running a fever or anything? Do you feel ok?"
"You have to stop worrying about me, Amanda."
"I... can't." She admitted.
"Why?"
"Because..."
I love you. I'm in love with you. I think about you all the time. I want to raise this baby with you. And Jesse, and Billie, and Noah. I want us to be a big family and give our kids everything our parents couldn't give us. They'll always know that they were loved and wanted. And we should grow old together. And when you're 90 you'll tell the same stories about your crime fighting days over and over again and I will sit beside you and listen all day. That's why.
"Because I care too much to stop."
Suddenly Olivia's hand landed on top of hers. She wasn't prepared for that and she felt herself flinch just a little.
"Thank you." Olivia whispered without moving her hand.
They stayed just like that for a while. At first, Amanda worried that the captain could hear how her heart was pounding in her chest. And then she started to wonder if Olivia had gone back to sleep.
She didn't have time to wonder for long, because suddenly the brunette was moving their hands. First down her arm, and then down to her stomach. She lifted up the loose tank top and placed Amanda's hand on the small bump.
"Is she kicking?" Amanda whispered.
She.
Another event in the already action packed day.
"Do you want to know what you're having?" The doctor smiled, looking from the screen to Olivia.
"You can tell?"
"I can."
"Yes… Yes, I want to know."
She already had an ultrasound scheduled for the following Tuesday, and Noah had been counting down the days to finally find out if he was getting a baby sister or a baby brother. But when faced with the opportunity to not having to wait any longer, she found that she couldn't.
"You're having a baby girl. Congratulations."
"No, she's not kicking right now."
Then why did you move my hand? Amanda wanted to ask, even though she had a vague idea of what the reason was.
"I just... like when you touch my stomach. It helps me relax. Feels like you're protecting her. Me."
Well, damn.
Amanda didn't move her hand at first. She wanted to, but she was just a little busy not freaking out due to the sudden and unexpected level of intimacy. The simple act of their hands brushing against each other was usually enough to make her stomach flutter, and now they were under the same covers, basically just in their underwear, and so close.
After a while, when it felt like Olivia's skin was burning under her touch, she started to draw small circles with her fingers. Tracing the parts of the bump she could reach.
She wasn't sure, but she thought she could hear the brunette breathe just a little heavier. Except it didn't sound like she was sleeping.
Dangerous, dangerous territory.
In an attempt to defuse the tension that now seemed to fill the entire room, Amanda moved her hand a little higher, only to end up touching the underside of Olivia's breast that was now barely covered by her top.
Fuck. Shit. Shit.
She was just about to move away when Olivia whispered "higher".
The blonde swallowed hard before she moved her hand just a little, and when her thumb brushed against the soft skin, Olivia's heavy breathing could no longer be explained by anything else than the fact that she was turned on. And she wanted Amanda to keep touching her.
"Higher?"
The captain simply nodded, and Amanda's palm finally closed over her breast.
"Is this ok?" The detective asked with a husky voice when she started to move her hand, carefully at first. The sensation of Olivia's hard nipple under her hand made her mouth dry and her head fuzzy.
"Mhm... more."
Amanda leaned in and kissed the exposed shoulder in front of her as she tightened the grip, eliciting a soft moan from the brunette.
She wanted to tell Olivia how good it felt, how beautiful she was. She wanted to tell her that she loved her.
But she couldn't get herself to talk and she could only pray that what she did with her body was enough for Olivia to understand. At least some of it.
"Don't stop." The captain whimpered when Amanda captured a pert nipple between her fingers.
She wanted to laugh then, because after almost ten years, finally being able to touch her like this? How could she possibly stop?
She didn't know when but at some point her hips had started to subtly rock against the other woman and she felt her already warm body get even warmer. Still, she couldn't get her hips to slow down and when Olivia closed that last inch of distance between their bodies, she was lost.
And apparently, so was the woman next to her.
Her hand came up to where Amanda was still busy teasing the prickled skin and laced their fingers together before she started to move them down her body.
Just as their tangled hands moved over her stomach, she turned around and as dark as the room was, Amanda still felt her heart skip a beat when she suddenly stared into those chocolate colored eyes.
"Hi." She breathed the simple word out, her hand now kind of just lingering in the air, barley ghosting Olivia's waist. "What are we doing?"
"Here." The brunette said and placed Amanda's hand back on her stomach. "Don't stop."
While trying to control her breathing, she went back to moving her fingers around in small circles, carefully moving her hand lower and lower without breaking the intense, almost intrusive eye contact.
When her fingers brushed against the top of Olivia's underwear, she heard how the captain's breath hitched again, while she herself stopped breathing all together.
"Lower?"
"Lower."
She moved her hand just barely beneath the elastic waistband.
"Lower?"
"Mhm."
And then she was finally touching her. Really touching her. And she was so incredibly, beautifully wet.
"Jesus..."
Olivia nodded vigorously, clearly agreeing with whatever Amanda was trying to communicate.
She moved the arm that was currently wedged in between them and reached behind the brunette's neck, pulling her in, making them breathe the same air.
"Kiss me." She was a little surprised at how steady and demanding she sounded.
As their lips finally met, she let two fingers slide inside of the woman next to her, immediately rewarded with a sharp gasp followed by a deep moan. "Fuck..." The captain practically exhaled the word against her lips.
She hadn't known what to expect, but it wasn't this. She could've never prepared herself for how wet Olivia was going to be, how she moved her hips eagerly against her hand, how she would grip her arm and hold on like her life depended on it.
"More." Olivia's voice was unusually pleading.
"More fingers?"
"More... everything." She sounded desperate as she somehow managed to wiggle her way out of the tank top.
Amanda fastened her grip on the back of her neck as she moved down just enough to align her lips with the hard nipple in front of her. And just as she closed her mouth around it, she added a third finger and pressed her palm down. Creating as much friction as possible.
The combination of it all gave her just the reaction she wanted when it turned Olivia into a shuddering mess under her touch.
"You feel so good." Amanda mumbled against the silky and now wet skin.
Because she had made it her life's mission to suppress all of her feelings towards the woman currently quivering beneath her, she had never let herself really consider what sleeping with a woman would be like. And she was pleasantly surprised to find that all she needed to do, was to act on her instincts.
It was clearly working.
"Coming... Fuck... I'm..."
That was fast.
The brunette didn't get to finish the sentence because Amanda curled her fingers and pushed her palm down while continuing to move it in a firm circle.
She couldn't understand a single word that Olivia let out in that moment. And with the way her pulse throbbed in her ears, she couldn't really hear it anyway.
She did however notice that the captain's climax didn't seem to end. And when it felt like all of her muscles contracted at once and she didn't make a single sound for several seconds, the detective stopped what she was doing and looked up at her.
"No, fuck... don't stop." Olivia was still clenching around Amanda's fingers in a steady rhythm and just when it seemed to subside, it started back up again.
And then the blonde's lips curled into a smirk.
I know what this is.
All though few and far apart, she had first-hand experience with the powerful orgasms that sometimes occurred during pregnancy.
So Amanda didn't stop until a hand grabbed her wrist and forced her to be still.
"Whew." The captain said breathlessly with a smile on her face, her lips quivering just a little.
Amanda thought that after knowing her for almost a decade, she had seen all the different kinds of smiles on Olivia's face, but this was new.
There was something euphoric and gleeful about it. Mixed in with physical fatigue. She actually looked a little stoned, which made the blonde let out a giggle.
Even if she had given into the temptation, and fantasized about how this would be, it still would've been impossible to imagine Olivia looking like she did now. Her perspiring skin, the way it looked like she couldn't get her eyes to focus on anything and the messy, brown hair around her face.
"Shit... that was..."
"Totally forgettable? Below average?"
"Yeah, can't you see the disappointment on my face?"
"I'm sorry I couldn't live up to your high expectations, captain."
"Mm... This was so much better." Olivia lifted her head for a quick kiss before she fell back down on the pillow and let out a long sigh.
"Wh- So you've actually thought about this?" Amanda asked with a smirk on her face while leaning back a little to study her face.
"Maybe."
"Tell me."
"You wish." The brunette laughed. "I will tell you this though... In my head, I wasn't five months pregnant." She pointed to the bump. "Someone just woke up."
"I want to feel it, but I'm… kinda stuck." The detective whispered the last words as she started to move her hand. "And wet."
"Go, wash it off and then get back to bed."
"Oh, you're bossy everywhere."
Five minutes later, the captain got the chance to prove just how bossy she could actually be.
"Wanna taste you." Olivia mumbled against the detective's neck.
"Mm... And how are you gonna do that with your little bump?"
"I want you on top of me."
"I'm not sitting anywhere near your stomach."
"I didn't mean on my lap, Amanda." The brunette said, her voice seductive and playful at the same time.
"Oh... Oh." The realization of what Olivia was implying left the detective dizzy, and she wasn't sure how but she still managed to move on top of her.
"I'm kinda worried I'll suffocate you."
"You won't. Stop worrying so much." Her words were a little muffled by the fact that she was now working her mouth around Amanda's inner thigh.
"Told you I... oh, shit... can't."
"Just for now, trust me? I'll pinch you if I can't breathe."
"Ok... ok."
The bickering ended as soon as Olivia pulled Amanda's underwear to the side and let her tongue move out to taste her.
"Oh, fuck!"
The captain's hands tightened on Amanda's ass while peering up at the blonde.
"Shhh. Sleeping kids." And then she went back to work.
"Right, sorry... Oh, god." She leaned her arms on the headboard and bit down on her wrist. She was going to break the skin if Olivia continued to-
"Shit... Are you breathing?"
Instead of responding, the brunette moved one of her hands and filled her with two fingers while her tongue continued to move around and over Amanda's clit.
"Liv..." The blonde whimpered. It was just on the verge of being too good. All of her senses were heightened and her skin felt like it was on fire with all of her nerve endings exposed.
"Look at me." Olivia suddenly said.
Amanda looked down and met two dark eyes gazing up at her.
"I want you to look at me when you come."
The detective wasn't sure if she could do it but she nodded nonetheless. "Ok...ok. Shit."
Her hips moved on their own accord and the things that Olivia did with her fingers and her mouth left her panting as she tried to keep herself as quiet as possible.
When the captain moved her free hand down and between her own legs, Amanda made a mental note to add unbelievably coordinated to the list of the captain's many super powers.
Just knowing that she was touching herself was the last push she needed to clamp down on the fingers currently curled inside of her. And when the brunette moaned against her throbbing clit it sealed the deal completely.
A powerful shudder went through her. It started in her thighs and moved all the way up to behind her ears. It took everything she had not to scream and cry out, instead she bit down on her lip so hard that it split open. The pain only intensified the climax.
Their eyes stayed locked, except for when the tail end of her orgasm rocked her to her core and she threw her head back and gasped.
When she had regained some control of her limbs, and her back hit the mattress next to Olivia she couldn't stop smiling, her body still riding wave after wave of oxytocin.
"There's no way you haven't done that before." She said, still a little out of breath.
"I might have." The brunette smirked as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand before turning on her side to look at the woman next to her. "Jesus, Amanda, you're bleeding."
The detective licked her lip and tasted the blood that had gathered there. "Yeah..."
"Does it hurt?" Olivia asked with a soft voice while leaning over her slightly. Her gentle demeanor such a juxtaposition to how she had just left Amanda completely rattled.
"It's fine." The blonde said as she pulled her in for a kiss. It wasn't lost on her that she was tasting herself on Olivia's lips and Olivia could probably taste the blood on hers. It was a new world of intimacy that left her just a little more breathless than she already was.
The captain eventually pulled back and stared down at her. "So... That happened."
"Mhm..."
"And we agreed that this wasn't a good idea."
"That's true."
"So now what?" Olivia asked as she lifted herself up a little.
"Well, let's be real here. Was this a one-time thing?"
"Dear god, I hope not."
"Do you have feelings for me?"
"Yes."
"Then what the fuck is our problem?"
"I have no idea." Olivia laughed while leaning in for a kiss that eventually turned into a tight embrace, and finally a deep and peaceful sleep.
A/N: Yay!