TFA: Youngling

Ch.7~ Quiet Moments

Ratchet had finished his work on me, I decided to look around the ship. Walking through I could feel a field I didn't recognize; it was all around me? Was this the engine? No, it felt like a field, I stopped and put my servo to the wall. I can't trace it, if I still had my wings, I would be able to find it. I turned and pressed my backstruts to the wall offlining my optics, it felt stronger like this.

"Stargazer, are you feeling better?" Prowl asked, I onlined my optics and looked up at him.

"I'm okay, just…" I began, I sighed and slide down the wall sitting down. "Sometimes I remember I'm missing something…"

"Missing?" he quizzed kneeling down next to me.

"I told you before, about doorwings. Sometimes I remember what it had been like before they were gone. I knew where people were in a room, didn't have to look… It's why I'm so touchy, when I'm close, I can kinda have that feeling again…" I admitted, he reached over and rubbed my helm.

"Once others come, I'm sure we can get supplies to remake them." He soothed, I looked up at him confused. "Or is that not possible?"

"Rache told me to give up, we didn't have the resources, by the time we did it would a hindrance…" I stated, he nodded. "No one's ever told me I could have them back…"

"Seems they are important to you." He commented, I nodded pulling my pedes to my chassis.

"I had been happy when I first lost them, I wasn't in pain, it was nice… But then I began to notice, notice that I couldn't feel things the same…" I explained, I leaned back into the wall. "It felt like I was alone… I know I'm not… But… I can barely feel you, only when I'm touching, do I really feel you…"

I felt him pulled me close, I leaned into him as I felt his field, it was warm and welcoming. I feel like I have felt this before, I don't know where but I remember this feeling. Offlining my optics I leaned into the comforting familiarity of his field. I remember when I could feel this when I had been happy with Ja in the room. After they were gone, I cried when he sent me down to sleep in my crib. Once I left his arms it was like he was gone. Now… Now he's really gone…

"Does this feel better?" he quizzed, I smiled at his kindness.

"Yeah…" I replied, I leaned into his plating. "Can we stay like this a bit more?"

"Of course." He soothed.

(Prowl's POV)

I carried Stargazer back to my room, she had fallen asleep not long after we returned to base. She had clearly worn herself out today. Seeing her race off into danger it made my spark stop a moment. She threw herself into fighting with no regard for her own safety. I wanted to be furious with her but, I think I know why she did it.

Her short life had been filled with loss and fear of losing those around her. She took the fact that she was built tougher than us and decided to be our shield. She was so scared of losing someone, so scared to be alone again. Had she ever had a time where she felt safe? She lost so much so early and then was thrown into a place where she knew in a moment, she could lose someone else. Of course, she threw herself into the fight, of course, she didn't think about herself.

I entered my room and went to set her on the berth, then I remember finding her in the ship's hallway. Losing people hadn't been enough, she even lost a part of herself. How alone had that made her feel? I sat down on the berth and leaned against the wall. She had been forced to grow up too fast, at her age she should be playing and laughing.

I refuse to stand by and let her lose any more of her youth to this. She needs to feel stable, feel loved, feel safe. I held her closer to me, as I fought tears forming in my optics. Don't worry Stargazer, I'm here for you now. You don't need to be so afraid anymore, you don't need to be so mature. I'll take care of you, so please, just be a youngling again.

(Stargazer's POV)

I sat by Prowl in his room, he wanted to talk to me about something. He must want to lecture me about what I did. I know I worried him, caused him trouble. I feel bad about it, but I would do it again. I can take it; I won't die if they hit me too hard. I refuse to sit by as I lose someone again.

"Stargazer, can you look at me?" he asked, I nodded and met his optics, he looked hurt. "Stargazer, I know why you fought, I know you're scared."

"I just don't want to lose anyone…" I muttered, he reached over and cupped my cheekplate.

"I know, you've been forced to grow up so much. But you don't have to." He stated, Rache said this same thing.

"I know I should leave the worrying to you and the others, but… I can't, I refuse to watch someone go away without doing something! I couldn't do anything when Powler left, I couldn't do anything when my friends died. I couldn't do anything when Ja was killed! I could do something here…" I cried, he nodded and rubbed my cheekplate.

"I know…" he soothed, I sniffled hard. "I know I can't make you forget what life has taught you in one talk… But I want to show you that it's alright, that you can be a youngling… I know it'll be scary, but I want to show you, the world doesn't need to be so scary. No more throwing yourself into fights, can you do that for me?"

"But, what if?!" I sobbed, he pulled me into his lap cuddling me close.

"No one is going to die to the Decepticons… I promise you that." He assured, I clung to him. "If you ever got hurt, the others and I would blame ourselves. You're only a youngling, mature beyond your years, but still a youngling. I want you to have the chance you deserve to have; I want you to be able to smile and play without worry. I want to show you, that you can be happy…"

"Why do you care…?" I muttered, I felt him kiss my helm.

"I love you little one." He hushed, I felt tears fall down my cheekplates.

"I-I… I love you!" I cried, he hushed me holding me close, his field surrounding me in its comforting embrace.

"You can be a youngling, please be my little youngling." He soothed, I nodded as I clung to him. "I'm here for you."

(Prowl's POV)

She cried herself into recharge, it broke my spark to see her like that. It was clear that despite was she says about her caretakers she never connected with them. For some reason or another, she was still searching for someone to hold her and tell her she was theirs. Maybe it had been the war tolling on their minds maybe something else. No matter the reason she was still screaming out for someone to raise her.

I don't think she really is open to it; something is holding her back from opening up fully. Perhaps losing her creators the way she did, perhaps she still hoped one day they would come back for her.

I don't remember my creators; I only remember being alone, then I met him. Master took me home and told me this was my home and looked out for me. I never was able to open up and let myself accept him as my creator, not until it was too late.

I left Cybertron to meditate, to really think back on what had happened. He was gone so fast, and only then did I realize how much I had wanted to say. I wished I could go back and call him Sire just once, seen him simply smile and call me his creation.

Jazz knew his death had taken a big toll on me when I told him I had to go. He simply held me and told me to take my time and that he would be waiting for me. I've made him wait far longer than I meant.

Maybe I was seeing myself in her, I regret not being open to the love in the world. I don't want her to miss those experiences I want her to open her spark. Learn that the world isn't out to hurt her, learn she can smile and play. Maybe I am projecting on her a bit but seeing her like this I know she not happy. At least not truly happy, she only sees glimpses of it in between the pain she is shouldering.

"Prowl?" someone called, I turned to see Ratchet in the doorway. "I'm guessing the chat went badly…"

"She's been made to see the world as a hurtful place… Made to think everything is so uncertain…" I explained, he nodded.

"Not many younglings were around during the war, but the ones that were… All of them struggled even worse than us veterans to adjust to peace…" he explained, "War ruins many things, it's no place for younglings…"

"I want to her to learn that the world can be a happy place, that she can feel safe to be a youngling…" I admitted, he leaned against the doorway.

"Not an easy task kid… Especially since she's probably one of the most heavily armed and armoured Cybertronian I have seen… I can only imagine how much stronger it will be when she's older…"

"Is her armour really that strong?"

"Only energon cannons or maybe a fall from orbit could damage that armour. Maybe a blade could pierce her protoform casing, but her armour is tougher than a war-framers."

"She knows that."

"She's smart, and a medical prodigy from what I've seen, either that or her worlds me was really working to get her trained as a medic. She had answers for all the questions I had on her frame and even added points."

"I wonder would it be right to send her back? She made it sound like they were one bad day away from losing the war… Would she even have a home to return to?"

"That, I don't know… For now, she's here. It's good that she seems to be confiding in you."

"No were near enough…"

"A little is better than none, she'll open up for in time. She seems fond of you. You seem fond of her as well."

"I am."

"If she tries to throw herself a Decepticon's again, I will personally give her a piece of my mind."

"I hope we're done with that nuisance."

"We'll see…"

I watched the older medic walk off; seems he still was in the war mindset just like Stargazer. Seems the effects of war are something that never really leaves. Will I ever be able to give Stargazer a normal younglinghood? Even if I can't I'm going to try and make that a reality.

(Stargazer's POV)

Things have been busy around here, the others spent hours searching for Professor Sumdac. It made no sense, I had set him down, had he not run? Sari hadn't come by the base either, she must be upset…

Prowl had told me not to leave the base without permission. I wanted to respect him; he was only looking out for me. I shouldn't cause him trouble… Still, I would hesitate to jump into action if things got bad again. At least for now, Megatron is dead, or he should be…

"Star?" a voice called, I turned to see Bumblebee looking at me worriedly.

"Bee? Did you find Sumdac?" I quizzed; he shook his helm.

"Boss bot thinks one of the Con's got him. But they haven't moved since everything." Bee explained, I nodded. "You okay? Since, well everything…"

I looked at him fondly, he really wasn't just a loud obnoxious bot. He seemed to really care about me, Sari and Bulkhead. He may butt heads with the others, but it wasn't for the reasons the others saw. Seems to be he is not entirely sure how to act around others and just tries to self-promote and be loud so he's seen. I smiled up at him.

"I wish the others would let me help, but I know why they won't. I just hope Megatron is really gone, but he's survived worse back home…" I explained, he nodded. "I hope Sari isn't angry at me…"

"Angry at you? Why would she be?" Bee quizzed, I looked away from him.

"I didn't save him, I set him down and just assumed he'd run away and be safe… I was so focused on stopping Megatron I didn't think about anything else… Now Sari doesn't have her Dad around…" I muttered.

I felt someone pull me close, looking up I saw Bee had pulled me into a warm hug. I leaned into him, something kept nagging me that I could have done more. That I could have made sure the Professor was safe… Now Sari was all alone, she had no one else, no Mom… I know how much that hurts and how scary it is…

"You did amazing, you were able to stop Megatron and he had the All Spark, that's amazing!" he praised, "I know, sometimes I feel like I could have done more, you feel like that too don't you?"

"Maybe if I had brought him back to Ratchet, he'd be safe…" I muttered, he hushed me.

"I know… But you did your best… Sometimes that has to be enough, there are tons of things I wish I could redo but we can't… So, let's just keep doing our best, then maybe one day we'll get to make it up." He comforted me, I nodded hugging him back. "I know you're gonna do great."

"Thanks Bee… You're gonna do great too." I replied, I felt him tighten his hold on me. "I'm glad I got to meet you."

"Me too Star, me too." He hummed.

(Bumblebee's POV)

Stargazer had fallen asleep on the couch with me, the others were really late coming back. I was a little glad that Optimus told me to go home and check on Star. I can't imagine being her all alone was fun, and I really wanted to talk to her. When she and Sari ran off it scared me, I was so mad at Boss-bot. They were both a part of this, he was being an aft and I wasn't gonna listen to an aft.

She was an amazing feme, she was strong, smart and really kind sparked. I had thought Boss-bot had taken out Megatron, but he told me it was all Star. She had been clinging to Prowl crying, she must have been so scared. Yet she fought, I already thought she was strong but that had only made it clearer. She was so strong, and it made me want to try harder.

I agreed with what Prowl and the others said, I didn't want Star out there fighting Con's with us on the regular. But I knew that if things got bad if we were really in trouble. I wouldn't want to just send her away, she was a part of this. She proved that she could handle herself, Sari too… Still, she and Sari were just kids, I mean real kids not young bots like me and Bulkhead.

"When did she fall asleep little buddy?" Bulkhead quizzed, I turned to see him looking down at us.

"A while ago," I answered, he nodded. "The others still out?"

"Yeah, told me to head back to check on you two." He replied, I nodded and he tilted his helm a bit. "You look upset? Something bothering you?"

"It's just… Guess I'm still a real rookie…"

"I think we're doing pretty well, considering."

"I need to work harder."

"We'll work harder together."

"Thanks, Bulk."

"No problem little buddy, friends gotta stick together right?"

"Yeah, especially best buddies like us."