"Kissing knuckles"

Chapter 7

A/N: Much to my own surprise, I managed to write another chapter :) Reviews are very much appreciated! Enjoy!

When Robert awoke Cora must have been long gone already. He hadn't noticed her getting up and there was no trace she had left apart from the crumbled sheets next to him. Everything else that could have hinted towards her presence last night had vanished with her.

While eating a small breakfast Robert noticed what a nice day it was. There was no rain and he had slept peacefully and deep with Cora next to him, so this day felt especially fresh. It was a good thing he hadn't had to deal with the strange sense of loneliness that took hold of him lately when Cora's absence was all too present. Cora had come over yesterday and his thoughts of an alternative occupation for his spare time were relieved by her sweet smell that clouded his mind and her sleeping vision with slightly agape lips that wallpapered his inner eye. Robert indulged these musings for the moment. It made him feel light-hearted and easy-spirited and he couldn't help but enjoy this. He would keep the pondering and brooding for later.

But as he cleared the table and put away the remnants of his breakfast Robert remembered the times without this loneliness. Actually, this feeling was something rather new. He had always enjoyed Cora's company, there was no change in that. But the sensation of some part missing during her absence was something rather unexperienced yet. The nagging feeling in his chest came about a month ago for the first time. Robert dismissed it as an abnormality. It took him a few days, probably more than a week, to realise that Cora was the reason for it. Or rather the lack of Cora. It was new for him that she was always his first thought. When his phone rang, he thought it must be her. When he passed a flower shop, he pondered about which flowers would suit her most (which was a nonsensical thought since giving flowers was not at all fitting for their friendship). They had this thing for five months now, five months since she had first asked him for a kiss. Most of these five months were not much different from the time before. Robert still considered Cora his best friend, they spent a lot of time together and shared a good deal of platonic affection. Physical intimacy that went past the extent that was usual for close friends had been no regular occurrence. A few weeks after their first kiss it was proven to him that there was no harm in occasional intimacy and that their friendship wasn't spoiled by it. That their thing grew so far as it was now was probably due to Cora's assurance, 'We don't have to label it. You know we can still be friends. Friends with just that thing…' Otherwise Robert would most certainly not have taken her to bed yet. Their friendship was so precious, Robert wouldn't have changed a thing about it. It was not that he didn't wanted these things with her. He had wanted them and he had been overwhelmed by how great things with Cora felt. But because he had enjoyed the state their friendship had been in, he saw no need in changing it. That was all Cora's doing. And it had always proven to be right, so he had left it more and more to Cora to adjust the dynamic of their thing.

That there was a change that wasn't an alteration Cora had executed deliberately was a new occurrence and Robert wasn't used to it. His loneliness was solely on him. It confused him and he did what he always did when something new set him in a state of confusion. He stuck to things he felt comfortable with. He felt lonely without Cora and funnily enough his resort of comfort was closely linked to his cause of confusion. He sought Cora's company. Not insistently. Cora knew best what the right extent of contact was.

Pondering seemed to have set in much earlier than Robert had wanted to. But his elated mood couldn't be toppled. Cora was a pleasant topic to ponder about.

When he arrived at work Robert came across his colleague and friend John in the hallway of his office. John was also a friend Robert knew from college, just like Cora.

"Do you care for lunch together in the cafeteria?" John inquired.

"Sounds good," Robert gave back with a shrug of his shoulders. Cora took up all of his thoughts and nearly all of his time. He shouldn't forget that there were other people as well. Other people that were important to him. John was one of them and maybe Robert should also call Rosamund again soon. He had seen and heard her last when he had been to her gallery opening.

Lunch with John seemed like a good idea. He frequently sat down at lunch with Cora but often enough she was already there chatting with some other colleagues, so for him lunch was time spent with John in many cases nevertheless. They agreed on the time to take their lunch break and sought their different offices.

Punctually John stood in Robert's doorway to pick him up for the cafeteria. John started talking about the difficulties he had with his research project at the moment but when they reached the cafeteria their conversation had to pause for the increasing noise the food-seeking crowd emitted. It took a while for John and Robert to get their food.

When he finally got his meal, Robert settled down with his tray of food at an empty table and leaned back in his chair with a sigh. They had gotten right into the cafeteria rush hour, so he was glad to have found a table that was free. John took a seat across from him and started digging in his food without hesitation. With a bite of roast in his cheek, he started chatting again nonchalantly.

"So? How are things going? You've been rather occupied lately," John inquired. He only lifted his gaze for a second to check if his question had reached Robert in the whirl that reigned in the cafeteria.

"Fine," Robert answered curtly and filled his mouth with some of the mashed potatoes on his plate to forego the obligation to elaborate his answer directly.

"Yeah, you also look good," John stated.

There was not much talk between them and they ate mostly quietly in each other's company. Robert was absorbed in the contents of his plate, his mind far away. After a short moment of contemplating if he might indeed be too 'occupied' for his remaining inner circle of friends and family, his thoughts wandered to the reason of his current 'occupation'. The hustle and bustle of the present situation wasn't what Robert perceived at the moment. His mind was filled with chiming laughter and the memories of Cora's suggestions what to undertake in the last months.

'Robert, have you ever made your own sushi?' Her eyes had sparkled in the twilight and Robert had ignored that he had only ever once eaten sushi at all (of course, it had been with Cora) and had instantly assured her that he found the idea to make sushi together great. It turned out quite a mess and it did neither taste good nor manage to sate him, but the vision of Cora in front of him, laughing heartily with sticky rice on all her fingers, was worth the execution of yet another one of her ideas.

'Let's go the Botanic Gardens, Robert!' He would have never thought about going to the Royal Botanic Gardens after work but with Cora he did a lot of things he had never thought about before. And this idea was a real success compared to their sushi. The gardens were lush and spacious, allowed them certain privacy on the wide paths and between the high hedges and their diverse and exotic flora evoked the sweetest amazement in Cora.

His head in the clouds Robert was only partly aware of the colleague that approached John.

"Hey, John. Is this one free? All hell has broken loose here today. You can hardly find a free seat."

"Sure, sit down!" John answered. Robert looked up as it reached his consciousness that they had new company. He nodded shortly at the middle-aged man who returned Robert's greeting. It was a colleague Robert didn't know but as he wanted to resume his eating the notion that there was something familiar about the man rose in Robert.

"Could you find the documents you needed for your project?" John involved the man in a conversation. It seemed they knew each other rather well as John was informed about the state of the other's project.

Slowly munching, Robert scrutinised the man while the conversation on the other side of the table didn't include him. The man's half-bald head triggered a memory in Robert's brain and he found himself in the memories of a badly-lighted room. The archive room.

"… I have to look again today," the man told. He took a forkful of his salad and his eyes met Robert's, which were wide from the realisation that hit him at that moment. The man's gaze lingered on Robert, and Robert gulped as he saw the same scrutiny, he had applied seconds before. Robert hoped dearly that the penny wouldn't drop with his counterpart. Just when he wanted to avert his eyes to avoid any possibility of recognition, he saw realisation dawning in the flash crossing the man's eyes and the disruption of his chewing. Robert cursed inwardly, afraid of what might happen next.

"It was you, right?" the man finally said.

"What?" Robert gave back, playing dumb.

"I am sorry I interrupted you two yesterday," the man apologised as he sat down his cutlery. His expression was sincere.

"Oh, it's alright. I–" Robert started but John had to interject something.

"You two?" he inquired and looked back and forth between Robert and his other colleague.

"Yes, I understand the need for privacy," the man continued and directed his empathy at Robert. "Please do extend my apologies to your girl!"

Robert only saw from the corner of his eye how John slumped back in his chair with his arms crossed in front of his chest but he could easily picture the smug grin on his friend's face.

"Well, as I said, it's alright. There is nothing to apologise," Robert replied briskly.

"So, Robert? A girl?" John's tone was teasing. Robert turned reluctantly to him and the white row of teeth that was exposed by his friend's wide grin mocked Robert annoyingly. He knew that the tips of his ears must have adopted a betraying pink colour. John who could read him quite well must be able to tell exactly what kind of privacy Robert had sought with 'his girl'.

"Nothing serious," he answered and dedicated his attention to the remaining food on his plate. There was no use anymore to deny it in front of John. He knew there was a girl but that should be all.

"Do I know her?" John asked.

"I don't think so," Robert answered and he had to avoid his friend's eyes while uttering the white lie. It was a great white lie and he wouldn't be able to make it with looking him straight in the eye.

"But she is from work?" John dug deeper.

"It is really nothing, John," Robert insisted. His friend seemed to sense that this was all to the topic Robert would disclose at the moment.

"Alright, I won't press you further on your fling," he hid a chuckle in his tone.

"Thanks," Robert said emphatically. The other man looked between John and Robert with a slightly awkward expression. He scratched the back of his head before he took his cutlery and seemed to hurry to finish his lunch. Robert did the same.

When he was on his way back to his office John followed him on his heels.

"Hey, Robert!" he called behind him. After he had caught up with him, he added in a quieter tone, "I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable about this. I think it's doing you good, to be honest. Maybe a little something with a girl was what you needed." Robert looked at John with slight surprise. He hadn't been aware that he had been in need of something to appear as if he was doing well in his friend's eyes. "I am happy for you. That's all I wanted to say."

"All right." With that, the topic was solved between them and they returned to more work-related content. Robert promised to have a look at John's latest additions to the papers of his project and they parted ways when they reached John's office.

Robert's mind was plastered with questions as he sank down onto the chair behind his desk. Was is it very bad what just had happened? Was this all the harm the unknown colleague could do, letting John know that Robert had kissed a girl in the archive room? Was this possibility of leakage about his and Cora's thing over now? Or was there still something to worry about? He was worrying now but that didn't mean he had to carry this cloud of doom with him. Cora had been so anxious that this mishap would mean trouble. He had assured her that nothing would happen. Now he was afraid of her reaction when he would tell her that the 'intruder' had indeed re-entered the stage. She would worry much more than he did now. And if this occurrence at lunch was all there was to it, maybe it wasn't necessary to tell her at all. He was still unsure how to act upon this.