Abed squeezes his eyes shut.
He loves Isla. He really, truly does. He loves her and he cares about her and he wants her to be happy. He's had other girlfriends and he's loved them too, but there's always been a disconnect. And he's starting to feel that disconnect with Isla. Because every girl has been a replacement for the one thing he wants and the one thing he could never have.
It's not fair to Isla. And he loves her. And he doesn't want to hurt her, not now, not ever.
But she isn't Troy.
No one's quite like Troy.
Everyone's off doing their own thing this afternoon, and Abed looks out the window at the hot Albuquerque sun, thinking about everything. About how his old study group could upend his relationship and his future plans all in a few days and one wonderful, hellish road trip.
Abed pulls out his phone and dials her number.
Troy sits wordlessly at the coffee table, opening up his computer in front of him. He's pointedly not looking at Abed, who's sitting on the bunk bed with his knees drawn up to his chin. They've barely said five words to each other all day. After Jeff and Britta's... announcement, they exchanged glances, brushed hands, and Abed wanted nothing more than to talk about it with Troy, but the barrier's still up and it's stronger than ever. He watches Troy pull up a file from his downloads on his computer and press play. An old episode of Inspector Spacetime, one of Abed's favorites.
Silently, Troy pulls out the chair next to him. He still hasn't looked at Abed. It's an invitation, Abed knows. The kind of peace offering you give when you're too mature for friendship hats.
He gets up and sits next to Troy. They watch in silence.
It's dark outside and completely still in the RV. The main section of the vehicle is a tangled web of emotions, the three beds islands in a see of bristling pride and unjustified anger. But in here, it's just Troy and Abed, and Abed doesn't know if he should feel happy or sad.
"I thought you were dead," Abed finally says.
Troy turns to look up at him.
"I had to move on with my life because it was the appropriate thing to do and I needed something to fall back on if you didn't come back. I always had hope, but then you showed up just when I was starting to give up. I think that's why I lashed out at you last night."
There's no I'm sorry. Abed isn't sorry for lashing out, and he lets it go unspoken.
"You don't need to explain," Troy says. "I get it. The real world isn't like Greendale, or a boat in the middle of the ocean. I can't just do whatever I want here. I guess I was just so excited to see you that I didn't think." He pauses. Abed's looking at the screen, but his focus is on Troy. "I didn't mean to mess up your life."
You didn't mess up my life is what Abed wants to tell him, but it's not true. Everything he knew for certain a week ago is up in the air. But it's not a bad mess. It's a good mess, a Troy Barnes mess, the mess that's been lacking from his life ever since Troy moved out of Apartment 303 in favor of the great unknown.
"It's okay." And it is.
"I was always gonna come back. Nothing could stop me."
Would have been nice to have that in writing, is what Abed doesn't say. He remembers one postcard from Troy, received in the mail the day after he heard the news about the pirates. The only communication for three and a half years. Reading it made him feel like a part of him was awaiting certain death on that pirate ship with Troy, the part of him that only Troy had been able to bring out.
"You never told me what happened with the pirates."
Troy sighs.
"We got taken hostage for a while. A couple months, I think. It was really scary. Delayed the trip by a lot." His breathing is carefully measured, his eyes fixed on the blorgons onscreen. "But, you know. We got out eventually. LeVar says money is power, and so I guess I have a lot of power now."
"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."
Troy nods and gives a small, sideways smile.
For a while, the only noises are their breathing and the disjointed, vaguely science fiction sounds of Inspector Spacetime coming from the computer. Abed looks at Troy and sees he's crying.
Abed pauses the show. "What's wrong?"
Troy blows his nose on the sleeve of his pajamas. "I'm in love with you," he says. "I think you already figured that out, and I know you have a girlfriend, but I needed to tell you myself."
"I broke up with Isla."
"What?"
"Yeah." Without Inspector Spacetime playing in the background, the space between Abed's words feels very large. "We had a great relationship and I really care about her, but I was always in love with someone else. It wasn't fair to her."
Abed doesn't think he needs to clarify who someone else is.
That night, they don't have passionate sex in the bottom bunk. They don't even kiss. They watch Inspector Spacetime with their shoulders pressed together and the tips of their fingers interlaced until they both fall asleep.
"We have an announcement to make," Abed announces.
The group, sitting around the kitchen table, is a mess of yawns and bleary eyes and bedhead, except for Troy and Abed. They look up at the two over mugs full of instant coffee. Troy had said that first thing in the morning might not be a good time for this, and Abed is starting to see what he means. He looks over at Jeff, who's looking questioningly at Troy with one eyebrow quirked up, and Annie, who perks up at Abed's words and gives the two of them a bright smile.
"Troy and Abed are together," they sing.
Annie squeals and jumps out of her seat. "You guys!" she says, wrapping her arms around them both in a tight hug. "That's great news!"
"Good to see you finally got it together," Jeff agrees from his seat. Abed notices that he's fidgeting with the cheap ring around his finger instead of pretending to text on his phone.
"Yeah, that's awesome, you two!" Britta chimes in. "I'm a huge ally, remember Paige? Plus I literally married a bi guy, so I know all about this stuff."
Jeff rolls his eyes. "Please tell me you didn't marry me just to prove you're not a homophobe."
"Oh, I wasn't talking about you," she clarifies.
He looks up from his ring and leans forward. "What?"
Troy and Abed look at each other, smiling shyly. This is okay. This is normal, and somehow they'll find a place to fit into all this mess as a couple. Abed reaches over and grabs Troy's hand, who looks surprised. Troy's usually the one who initiates that stuff.
"First Jeff and Britta, get married, and now this," Shirley grumbles. "Next thing Annie'll be telling us she's pregnant." Noticing everyone's eyes on her, she gives a cloying smile and says, "But I'm very happy for you two."
"You're not pregnant, are you?" Abed says.
"Abed!" Annie admonishes. "Of course not!"
And now Annie and Shirley are arguing on top of Jeff and Britta's bickering, and everything is loud and crazy and somewhere, someone spills coffee, and Abed is still holding Troy's hand.
Abed thinks their first kiss should be romantic and cinematic, preferably taking place with fireworks or a shooting star in the background but he can make do with a sunset. Troy agrees.
But then, they're walking to the RV back from a Mexican place nearby to pick up some burritos for the group's lunch - they're driving back to Greendale today and want something filling to eat on the road. They're debating whether The Godfather Part II is better than the original and Troy starts to offer a counterpoint, that sequels are never quite as good as the original, when Abed kisses him.
"Why now?" Troy says when they finally pull apart. He's still holding the takeout bag of burritos in one hand.
"Because I've wanted to do that for years," Abed says. "I wasn't sure how much longer I could wait."
"Me too," Troy says, and kisses him again.