After Furlan had left you alone, you returned your cup to the kitchen, and holed yourself up in the library. You didn't have much else to do, so you occupied yourself with library maintenance busywork. The last thing you wanted was to just wait in restless anticipation, until you left to go talk to Levi. After hours of filing, organizing, a couple of naps here and there, you slumped into the large chair at your desk, with a heaving sigh. I think I've done everything, you mused, as you surveyed the now spotless library, You looked at the clock, Still five fifty-six. Time to go.
You pushed yourself up from your chair, and began a slow walk to the door, into the hall. Your body was pushing you to move faster, but you needed to be relaxed when you got there, or else you might say some more dumb shit, so you fought the urge to give into the skittish pace you wanted to adopt. The light of the evening dusk poured in, giving the castle a warm orange glow. You continued your lackadaisical stroll through the empty halls, humming an old tune you'd heard on a piano before. You couldn't hear yourself very well. I probably sound awful, you thought, with a small smile. Soon, you'd made it to the castle's exit, and pushed open the doors. You shivered as the cool night air hit your face. I should've grabbed a jacket, you thought, shoving your clammy hands into your pockets. Your plan was to wait by the gate to the training fields and find him there as the Scouts exited. If you couldn't find him there, then you'd just stop by his room, but you wanted to avoid drawing attention, so that was a last resort. You looked over to the gate, and to your surprise, you saw a large crowd pouring out from the entrance to the training field. Chatter bounced from within the large group. You quickly pulled your watch from out of your pocket and read the time, five fifty-nine. Aren't they early? Usually, Shadis kept them out three to five minutes after their release time, and you'd thought that this would be especially true the day before an expedition. As you saw them trickle out of the gate, you realized that Levi could be exiting at that moment, while you were just standing there gawking at them. Your slow walk turned into a jog as you hurried over to the crowd, eyes desperately scanning the mass of people. If only he were a little taller... you thought, dismally. As you looked over the crowd your eyes landed on a messy dark head of hair, bouncing around sporadically, hands waving wildly in your direction. You let out a breath of relief as you began to walk over, waving back excitedly in response. Hange. You watched as they shoved their way against the flow of the crowd to reach you, earning them annoyed looks from their fellow soldiers. You turned your gaze down to their lips.
"What are you doing here?" they said, snatching your hands into their own, "I thought we were going to meet up later."
"We are, we are, I promise," you said assuredly, giving their hands a small shake, "But I'm afraid I'm looking for someone else right now."
"Oh? Who is-"
You pulled your hands from theirs, and reached up to place them firmly on their shoulders, giving them a hard stare. Their eyes widened, obviously surprised by the sudden shift in your demeanor.
"I promise you on our three great walls, that I will tell you everything later this evening." you said, slowly, "But right now, it is of the utmost importance that I find Levi...would you happen to know where he is?"
Hange opened their mouth, and you mentally prepared yourself to be bombarded with a multitude of questions, but instead, they let out an exhale, slumping slightly, and pointed a single finger behind them. You cocked an eyebrow.
"Shadis kept him back to tell him something, I dunno what." they said, somewhat defeatedly. You gave them a grateful grin, and began walking past them to the gate, which was now empty.
"Thanks so mu-" you called back, but before you could finish, they had you in a chokehold. Before you knew it, you were coughing like a sick cat under their grip. You shot your eyes back up to their face in a panic, only to be met with a vexing grin, as they peered down at you, the same way a child with magnifying glass looks down at ants as they burn them.
"You better tell me later." they said, in a cryptic, singsong voice.
You nodded quickly in response, begging for your release by rapidly tapping at their arm. They let out a light laugh as if they hadn't been moments away from knocking you unconscious as they let you go. You immediately fell to your knees, gasping for air. You shot your head back up to look at them, glaring in contempt. They scratched the back of their neck, feigning innocence to their actions.
"Don't look at me like that."
"I-" you stopped to gasp, "hate-" again, you stopped to gasp. "you-"
"Yeah, love you too!" they said, giving you a dismissive wave, "Talk to you later, my dear!" they called back cheerfully, as they began to jog back to their room.
You watched them with disdain as they ran away. I forgot how scary they can be sometimes, you thought, rubbing your neck. After you'd caught your breath, you pulled yourself up off the ground, shaking the loose dirt from your skirt. After it was clean, you spun around to face the gate again, and saw that Levi was staring at you, leaning against the gate. You blinked at him with a surprised look, as if you hadn't come out here for the sole purpose of finding him. You swallowed, and reviewed the things you'd practiced quickly in your head. You could feel his grey eyes boring into your own. You needed to hurry up and say something. Here goes nothing, you thought, as you opened your mouth to speak. But as soon as you did, he pushed himself off from against the gate, and began walking away. You blinked again. Ah. You honestly couldn't blame him after how you'd treated him earlier, but he wasn't about to escape you that easily.
"Wait!" you called, running over to catch up to him. As expected, he didn't wait. Even once you'd caught up to him, he made no note of your presence, stony eyes deadlocked in front of him, swiftly moving forward. As if you were a ghost. No, even less that a ghost, like you didn't exist at all.
"I just need a moment of your time, I promise I won't be long." you huffed, taking heaving breaths just to keep up with him. But still, he said nothing. How can he move so fast with those little legs? You wondered.
"Please wait!" you pressed. Silence. You groaned. Yes, you'd been rude, but this response was unnecessary. You stopped walking, and let him continue by himself, watching his back stray further and further away from you. He didn't owe you anything, you'd messed up, and if he wanted to ignore you, he could. But you were going to be selfish. You were going to say what you needed to. You ran back up to him and grabbed the back of his arm, and tugged him towards you. He tumbled back slightly, and swiveled to face you. Based on how easily you'd been able to move him, he clearly hadn't been expecting it. Finally, since you'd first noticed him by the gate, he looked you in the eye, his cool grey eyes on your own, face dripping with annoyance. At that moment, you realized how close you'd pulled him to you. Your faces were just inches away from each other. You pushed that fact out of your thoughts before you got embarrassed, and continued.
"Are you going to listen to me?" you said softly, staring him down, voice unwavering, despite the fact that you could probably piss yourself at that moment. You looked down at his lips, patiently awaiting a response. Then, something strange happened. Since your accident, reading lips had become normal, a necessity for you to function somewhat normally with hearing people. You saw it simply as means to get by, it had never made you feel awkward, and you'd never thought about it very deeply. But as you looked down at his lips, you felt heat rise into your face. You took in their soft appearance, and the way they parted open slightly as he took a breath in to begin wanted to tear your eyes away to save yourself from the rising beat of your heart that was now present in your ears, but at the same time, you were entranced. He closed his mouth, and you cocked your head in surprise. Wasn't he about to say something? You looked back up at the rest of his face, and saw that he wore a light shade of red on his cheeks, eye slightly wide. As soon as you saw it, you immediately released his arm, and jumped back, as if he were a wild animal. Once you'd established a good distance between the two of you, you rubbed your neck, looking down. Why'd he have to look at me like that? The two of you stood there awkwardly, taking a moment to recover from the closeness. Once you were done, you looked back up to him, and saw he wore the same bored expression he usually did. Much better.
"Can I say my piece?"
"Go ahead."
You nodded, straightened your back, then, you locked your hands in front of you, and gave him a stiff bow.
"I'm very thankful for the other night! I'm deeply sorry you had to see me like that, and that I took up your time, but at the same time, I am still grateful that you did, otherwise I may not have made it home!" you said somewhat robotically, as a result of the sheer amount of times you'd replayed this conversation out in your head, "And I'm really sorry that I ran away from you in the halls! I told you that it was because my tea was steeping and I didn't want it to get bitter, and although that was true, I also ran away because I felt humiliated by my behaviour the night previous, but that is no excuse, considering how indebted I am to you." you continued, still looking at the ground. Silence fell between the two of you. You swallowed, and pulled yourself back up. Unsurprisingly, you could gather nothing from his expression. How infuriating. You awkwardly fiddled your fingers together in front of you
"S-so, yeah. Have a good night, and again, I'm very sorry." you blurted.
"Wait."
"...Yeah?"
"You have to do a little more to make it up to me." he said, taking a couple steps closer, "I was forced to bear through you incessant drunken rambling, carry you home... this isn't going to cut it." now he was standing right in front of you. "You're not getting off that easy." he finished, dully. There went your heartbeat again. What could he possibly want you to do for him? You cleared your throat.
"What were you thinking?"
"Let me get a cup of tea from the kitchen." he said, without missing a beat.
"...That's it?"
"Yes. What did you think I was going to say?" he asked, cocking a brow at you. You rapidly shook your head.
"Nothing, let's go." you told him, motioning at him to walk with you.
You guys walked in complete silence back to the castle. It didn't feel awkward, you felt so relieved that he'd accepted your apology, you weren't even thinking about the quiet. Soon you'd reached the castle, and just as you were about to walk in, out of the corner of your eye, you saw a tall figure quickly making its way towards you, waving their big arms wildly at you. You whipped your head back to look, and to your grave disappointment, you saw Stefan sauntering towards you. Fuck, why'd I look, I could've pretended to not notice him. Stefan was an intolerable member of the Royal Guard, a subunit of the military police. Their primary job was guarding the castle, and those residing in it. He was a rough brute who didn't know how to take "no" for an answer. You looked back at Levi, and saw that he was staring at Stefan, too, who you guessed was shouting at you, even though he knew very well you were deaf. You made note of the look6 of vague recognition on Levi's face as he looked back at him.
"Sorry, I have to take care of this first, I'll try to make it quick." you said, assuredly. He nodded.
"Hey there! I haven't seen you around in a while!" Stefan said, walking up to you with bravado. You powered through your distaste for the man and gave him a polite smile and a small wave.
"Ah, yeah, I suppose I've been more busy these days." you said, through a breathy laugh.
"Well, you look as lovely as ever!" He said, giving you a wink. It took all your power to hide the repulsion on your face at the sight. Gross. I need to leave.
"Ah thank you… but I should be going now, I happen to be a little busy at the moment, but have a swell night, Stefa-" But as you began to turn away from him, he suddenly reached out and grabbed your hand. You nearly recoiled in disgust at the touch of his sweaty hands.
"Wait, I'm not done with you yet." he chuckled, "I thought I'd ask you to go to dinner with me sometime."
You could easily shove him away, but you didn't really want to cause a scene, especially with Levi with you. You glanced over to him. Oh dear. He was shooting Stefan a venomous glare, although the idiot didn't seem to notice. In fact, he made no note that Levi was even present. But Levi was worrying you, although his gaze wasn't directed at you, he was still scary. He must really want to get his tea quickly, you thought. You turned back to Stefan, who was waiting expectantly for your response.
"I'm sorry, I'm not interested in that sort of thing."
"Just one time, what could it hurt? Do you have to turn me down so quickly?" He asked, raising his volume, anger seeping ever so slightly from his voice. You grimaced. He just won't quit.
"I'm sorry, it just doesn't sound like something I want to do. Please let go of me." you said, as you began to shy your hand away from his, but as he felt your hand shift, his grip tightened.
"Hear me out." he said in a low voice.
You couldn't take it anymore, you didn't want to do this in front of Levi, but your anger was getting the better of you, you felt the emotions bellowing in your chest, begging to be released. Every day, this buffoon stood by the entrance to the hallway that you needed to enter to get to your room, and pestered you, despite you turning him down every single time. It seemed that your polite demeanor wouldn't be enough to get it through his thick skull. It was time to be blunt, although, to be honest, it felt like this was a long time waiting. You snatched your hand away, grabbed his fingers, and roughly bent them backwards, causing him to jump back, letting out a small cry. He looked down at his fingers, to check if any of his bones had broken, and shot his head back up to you, with a pained look on his face. You glowered down at him.
"Look, I've been polite to you all this time, but this is getting out of hand. I am not interested in you. I am not interested in going out with you. I am not interested in having anything to do with you, to be frank. I never have been." you said, monotonously, "Now leave me alone." you ordered. The look of pain on his face was quickly replaced with anger as he began walking over towards you menacingly. You were confident in your ability to take him on, so you didn't move. You could report him to Erwin tomorrow if he actually attacked you, too.
"If I'd known you were such a crazy bitch I would've never even looked at you!" he spat, purple veins pulsating from his neck to his forehead, as he raised his lumbering arm up to hit you. You instantly shot your arm up to block his hit. You could tell just by the way he raised his fist that he probably hadn't practiced combat since his training days. As his hand came down to strike you, something quickly moved in front of you. You flinched in surprise, taking in the scene before you. Levi now stood in front of you, gripping Stefan's arm tightly. Stefan let out a pained yelp, and fell to his knees. Your eyes widened as you saw the part of his arm he held onto go completely white. He looked up at Levi with terror in his eyes, acknowledging his presence for the first time since he'd arrived. You moved over to stand next to Levi, in case he got carried away. It was fine if you hit Stefan, but if word of Levi doing this got around, he might end up in hot water with his superiors.
"Are you dumb? Don't put your hands on her." he said menacingly, staring him down with cold eyes.
"Who the hell are yo-" he began, but before he could get the sentence out, Levi struck him in the face with the heel of his boot. You gasped, now this might be a big deal.
"Hey! You might get in trouble!" You hissed at him, grabbing his shoulder, but he ignored you.
"You're sickening." he said.
"Okay, okay! Can you let me go?!" he begged. Levi released his arm, and Stefan slumped back onto the ground, grabbing his nose, which was now gushing blood. Levi grabbed your arm and pulled you roughly over to the door, and pushed you in, following you inside. You shot one last look at the whimpering mess of a man behind you as he did. As soon as the door closed behind you, you whipped your head back around to Levi.
"What were you thinking?!" You demanded, "You could get in real trouble for that you know!
"You were about to do the same, weren't you?" he retorted.
"It's different! I'm not a member of the military anymore, and Erwin likes me, I would've gotten off scot free, you, on the other hand, are a different story." You said, looking back at him. No response. It was like talking to a wall. "God, you really are reckless." you huffed.
"I could say the same for you, taking on a man twice your size."
"He was a bum, I could handle him, and like I said, with no repercussions."
"Stop nagging me and take me to the kitchen." he responded, lazily. You rolled your eyes.
"Yeah, yeah"
The two of you continued quietly through the halls until you found yourselves at the small wooden door. You stepped forward to pull it open, holding it for him to enter, bowing down extravagantly to him.
"For you, your majesty" you said, voice dripping with sarcasm. He scoffed and walked in, arms crossed, scanning the room. You shut the door, and placed yourself next to him.
"We have to be quiet in here." You whispered, "Technically, I'm not 'allowed' to be in here." you said, as you made your way to the cabinet containing the tea. You grabbed both cans and shook them, feeling their contents. They're running low, you thought, frowning. You turned back to face Levi, presenting him with the two cans, holding them up to the sides of your head.
"Green or Black?"
"Black."
"Sounds good." you said, reaching up into the upper shelf of the cabinet, wrapping your fingers around the cool metal of the tin kettle. You moved over to the sink and began filling the kettle with water. You mindlessly watched as it filled up. You tried to play the sound of running water in your head, but as the days grew, recalling little details like that became more and more difficult. You felt Levi walking over, pulling you out of your trance, and you turned your head back to look at him. He reached over and grabbed the kettle from your hands, causing you to spill some back into the sink. You watched the water trickle down into the drain, and turned your head to shoot him a perplexed look.
"What are you doing?"
"I'll make the tea, you'll just mess it up. Just sit down." He said, motioning towards the stools placed by the table. You gave him a look of disbelief, placing your hand on your hip.
"I'm sure I can manage setting the water to boil. How the hell would you even mess that up?" you scoffed.
"Just sit." he ordered. You sighed, It didn't seem like he was going to give it back to you.
"Well whatever." You said, raising your hands up in defeat, as you slowly walked back to the table, plopping yourself down on the squeaky seat. You watched him with an avid curiosity as he set the kettle on the stove, moved over to his right, and picked up the two tea canisters you'd left on the counter, examining them carefully.
"Are they to your liking?"
"Can't complain, I'm sure it's better quality than the stuff I got down there."
You hummed.
Silence filled the room. The giddiness of how your apology had gone was dying off, so you could no longer ignore the stiffness between the two of you. You shifted awkwardly in your seat.
"Where are the cups?"
"Ah, they're in the second cabinet over."
You watched as he meticulously measured out the amounts of black tea with his spoon, placing them carefully into the glass pot that was already out on the table.
"So… Did you know that guard?"
"Why do you ask?"
"It just seemed that way to me."
"No, I didn't."
"I see."
He had a good poker face, but something told you that he was lying to you. Doing something he shouldn't have been? Did he have a run in with Stefan? But Stefan didn't seem to know who he was, he may be an idiot, but not as far as to completely not recognize someone he's met. And fairly recently, too. Levi has only been here for three weeks. You furrowed your brow, and placed your mouth into a hard set line. You wanted to question Levi further, but a part of you was afraid to break the silence. Your mind brought you back to the day you'd gone out with Hange, when you walked in on Isabel, Furlan, and Levi's conversation. The serious air, the feeling of slight dread as you walked into something you felt you shouldn't have. Something to do with that? Are they planning something together? If so, what? You blinked. No, you were getting ahead of yourself. Your mind was running off to dark places for what, other than pure speculation? Levi might honestly not even know him like he'd told you.
"Why are you making that face?" he asked. You jerked your head back up to him, forcing a small smile onto your face.
"What face?" you asked innocently.
"Like you're taking a shit that won't come out." he said, bluntly. The fake smile dropped from your face, and you clicked your tongue at him. How crude.
"You certainly have a way with words. You're probably not very popular with women, are you?" you said, mockingly.
"Popular enough."
Just as you were about to answer him, he turned back to the kettle, which you assumed had let out a whistle. He picked it up and poured it into the pot, steam bellowing back up at him, distorting your vision of his face, which made you realize you were staring at his face. You tore your eyes away, and turned your focus down to the two mugs he'd selected. Plain ceramic ones. Good choice. Those are some very sturdy mugs. Good, reliable mugs, you thought, desperately trying to think about anything but the man in front of you at that moment. You don't know how you hadn't noticed before, but he wasn't in the usual Scout uniform. He was wearing a white t-shirt, tucked neatly into some tan cargo pants. Your eyes took in the way the shirt framed his build. He was more toned that you'd thought… God. You shifted your eyes back down. What were you, some forty year old pervert, staring at his chest while he wasn't looking? Well, hopefully he wasn't looking, you glanced back up, and saw that his gaze was still set on the teacup in front of him. Thank the heavens. He set down the kettle, and seated himself
"So… are you going to sleep after this? It'd probably do you well to rest before the expedition."
"Sleep doesn't come easily to me, I'll probably stay up."
"O-oh."
You reached into your pocket and pulled out your watch.
"Ah, I've got to meet with Hange soon." you said, half to yourself. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Levi shift in his seat, and you looked back to his lips.
"Are you two… involved?" he asked. You raised your eyebrows.
"...Involved?"
"Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about." he answered, with an irked expression, before turning back to his cup.
"...Dating?" when he didn't answer, you continued, "… I haven't dated anyone since school."
He didn't say anything, and your mind desperately searched for something, anything to talk about, until you saw a brown bag in the corner of the room.
"Oh! I forgot about these!" you said, jumping from your seat. "They're these sweet breads I stashed away, would you like one?" You asked, excitedly holding out a piece to him. It was your favorite flavor, too, strawberry. He looked at your outstretched hand for a moment, before turning his face back forward to his cup.
"I've never really cared for sweets." he said, curtly.
"Ah, okay." you said, deflating slightly, as you began reaching over to the bag to return the piece you'd pulled out for him. That's to be expected. He side eyed you, and just as you were going to put it in the bag, snatched it out of your hand, and took a small, careful bite from it.
"What are yo-"
"But I might as well try it, we don't get these kind of goods in the Underground."
"Oh, okay"
Weird, but for once, you decided not to think about it too deeply, and just enjoyed the fact that you were eating your favorite snack together. You moved your focus over to your own piece. You hadn't realized how hungry you were until you were presented with food. You took a large bite from your bread, right into the jelly pouch. You could feel crumbs and powder fall onto your face, but you didn't really care. You were just happy to eat.
"Ugh, you're getting it all over your face." he said. You glared back, but as you did, you noticed he had some powder on his face, too.
"So do you, genius." you sneered. He recoiled slightly, blinking, before whipping out a pristine, white handkerchief from his pocket, wiping determinately at his face. Somehow, he still managed to miss it. Surprisingly childlike, you thought stifling a small laugh.
"Here, let me see." you grabbed his cheek gently and wiped the corner of his lip with your thumb. You pulled your hand away and looked at the spot. Seemed like you'd gotten all of it. You looked back up to him, and saw it again. The faint, but ever so present red tint on his cheeks. When you locked eyes, he shot up from his stool, and turned his face away. You wanted to smack yourself. He's not a little kid, why'd you do that? You could feel a heat pouring into your own face. You opened your mouth to speak, but he quickly turned back to you.
"I should get going." he said, clearing his throat. You snapped your mouth back shut.
"Ah, okay."
"Thank you for the tea." he said, making his way to the door. You wanted to tell him to stay, but the words wouldn't come. Instead, you offered him a tired smile.
"Of course."
He gave you a small nod and turned back to the door, and as he did, you realized something. You realized that he would go to his room, stay up, sleep, whatever he does at night, and then tomorrow, they would all go out to the expedition.
"Levi?"
He turned around, and you shot your hand out.
"Be safe tomorrow."
He looked down at your hand, eyes softening. He extended his own, and gave you a firm shake.
"I will." he responded, eyes with a look you'd never seen on them. A look of determination.
He released your hand before turning back and exiting the hallway. You watched his back until the door shut behind him. You sighed and grabbed your tea, chugging it down. What a lame attempt of sending him off... But you needed to get going, you didn't want to keep Hange waiting. But when you arrived at the library, all you found was a small note tucked into the door. You opened it carefully, and read its contents. Immediately you could tell it was Hange's. It looked like chicken scratch. You squinted your eyes to make out what it said.
Sorry! Apparently Shadis is doing barrack check-ups tonight, let's reschedule, soon! As much as you liked Hange, you couldn't help but feel slightly relieved at the cancellation. You were more tired than you thought. I'll just head to my room to sleep, you decided, folding the small note back up and into your skirt pocket, and turning around back to face the hallway.
After you'd made it back to your room, you immediately slipped your shoes off, and stripped down into your underwear, tossing your clothes onto the floor, piling onto the mess. You tossed on a t-shirt, and slipped yourself into your bed. It felt strange, just going to bed. Usually, you only came back to your room when you were half asleep, after hours of forcing yourself up, doing whatever you could to occupy the time. You laid awkwardly in your bed. You'd forgotten how to go to sleep normally. You shut your eyes, and tried to clear your head… that was always the hardest part. But inevitably, your mind trailed off to the expedition in the morning, and before you knew it, hot tears were welling in your eyes, spilling over onto your cheeks. As much as you tried convincing yourself, telling yourself over and over again that they would all come back safely, all you wanted to do was grab all of them and lock them in your room until it was all over. Hange, Moblit...Isabel, Furlan, Levi... a quiet sob escaped your lips, and you shot your hand up to cover your mouth. You flipped over onto your stomach and furrowed your face into the pillow, in an attempt to contain your mess of a face. The dread in the pit of your stomach was unbearable.
Please come back safely.