Opening Montage
Music: "High School Never Ends" by Bowling For Soup
Open with a shot of Quinn in the kitchen making a S'mores 'n' Pores video. From there cut to a shot of Jim in the garage making a Jim The Car Guy video. From there we cut to a shot of Tommy, Timmy and Teddy at school. They look bored in class. Cut to a shot of them at recess. Tommy is visibly lording over the other kids while Timmy is among Tommy's obvious admirers. Teddy sits alone reading. He looks up from his book to shake his head disdainfully at his brothers. After this cut to a shot of Quinn, Jim, the boys and Daria in church as a bride walks down the aisle. While the rest of the family is visibly moved Daria pulls up a newspaper and starts reading while Teddy does the exact same thing. From there cut to a shot of Jim at a bar drinking beer with Jamie, Tom and Trent. We then cut to a shot of Quinn, Nicole and Sandi gossiping at a cafe table. Pan over to reveal Daria and Jane standing nearby giving them disdainful looks. Next, a shot of Timmy doing magic tricks. While the other adults are amused Jim is visibly embarrassed. Next shot is Tommy impressing kids with graffiti. Jim sees this and chases Tommy down in a manner similar to Homer chasing down Bart. Cut to Teddy with a Daria like smirk on his face. Finally, a shot of Quinn and Jim standing in their suburban front yard with the triplets standing in front of them. Daria joins the family in the portrait like shot and they're all smiles. A circle forms around the family portrait (which includes Daria) with the following caption at the bottom...
The Carbones
in
"Hey, Jealousy"
written by
WildDogJJ
Act I
Dr. Barone's Office, day...
Quinn didn't know how she got here or why no one seemed to notice her. It was like she was a ghost or something. She was standing in Dr. Barone's office wearing just a t-shirt and panties. Since no one could see, hear or feel her she didn't mind being in just her sleepwear. What she was seeing, though, made Quinn wish she could interact with the people around her. Jim was having a therapy session with Dr. Lisa Barone. Oddly, Dr. Barone was wearing only a lacy black bra and thong panties and her boobs seem bigger than normal. Jim was dressed in just a wife beater T-shirt and boxer shorts.
Grinning seductively and speaking in a flirty voice, Dr. Barone asked "Why, Jim, have you been wroking out?"
Equally flirty, Jim said "I could say the same about you, sexy?"
Dr. Barone was visibly turned on by this. "I looove it when you call me that, stud." She then got up from her seat and walked seductively toward Jim. "You make me soooo..." She climbed on his lap and soon had her face so close to Jim's that they were almost touching. "...wet."
The breathy, erotic tone in Dr. Barone's voice made Quinn's blood boil. What happened next made her want to scream and angry that she couldn't. Dr. Barone passionately kissed Jim. Jim responded with lusty vigor and they frantically sucked each other's tongues. As the kissing grew more lusty and intense Jim placed his left hand on Dr. Barone's right ass cheek. This made the good doctor moan passionately into her patient's mouth.
"Mmmm...mph...mmmph...mmmmmmmmhhhhpppphhhh..."
Dr. Barone finally broke the kiss and spoke in a breathy tone that expressed urgent sexual need. "Take me! I need you inside me, Jim!"
Jim stood up and they resumed kissing hungrily. Holding Dr. Barone tight, Jim carried her to her desk as she frantically wrapped her legs around him. Once she's on her desk Jim unhooked her bra. Quinn watched in horror as Jim and Dr. Barone frantically tore each other's clothes off and proceeded to have passionate, animalistic sex.
Quinn and Jim's bedroom at that very moment...
As Jim slept soundly Quinn tossed and turned. Finally, she woke up with a start. Quinn quickly scanned the room before breathing a huge sigh of relief.
Just a dream! It was just a dream!
She quickly calmed down.
That's the third night in a row that I've dreamed that Jim was doing his therapist.
Quinn frowned. These recurring nightmares of Jim banging another woman were starting to take a toll on her.
Dr. Barone's office (the real one), the next day...
Jim was having a therapy session with Dr. Barone. Unlike in Quinn's nightmare, both Dr. Barone and Jim were fully clothed and their conduct was entirely appropriate.
Dr. Barone started things off. "So, how are things?"
"One major issue came up recently" Jim admitted.
Dr. Barone nodded as she patiently waited for her patient to elaborate.
"My wife and I" said Jim, "Since I got back from that fishing trip all we seem to do is fight."
"What do you fight about?"
Jim struggled not to laugh as he'd find this whole state of affairs comical if it were happening to someone else. "You wouldn't believe this, she's jealous of you."
Dr. Barone, being the professional that she is, kept her expression neuteral. "How come?"
"Well, she didn't know my therapist is a woman" Jim explained.
Dr. Barone said "I find it interesting that it took you this long to tell her that I'm a woman."
"I didn't tell her" said Jim, "You blew my cover when you called to change the appointment the other day."
"Why didn't you tell her that you're being treated by a female doctor?"
"I dunno" said Jim. After a brief pause, he added "I guess I was afraid she'd get the wrong idea if she knew my therapist was a woman."
Dr. Barone asked "Have you tried to explain that this is therapy? That our relationship is entirely professional?"
Nodding, Jim said "She refuses to believe it. She...well, she thinks I'm cheating on her with you, of all people."
Dr. Barone was now geniunely curious. "Is there a reason she might draw such a conclusion?"
Jim tried to avoid the pink elephant in the room. "Well, I did lie to her and say that you're a man."
Dr. Barone asked "And why did you feel it was necessary to lie?"
Jim proceeded to explain. "I was trying to avoid the very situation I'm in right now. I knew if Quinn realized I was sharing intimate details of my life with a woman she'd jump to the wrong conclusion and think it's because I'm banging said woman."
"And is there a reason Quinn would feel so insecure?"
Jim sighed. So much for avoiding that topic. He really hated revisiting his biggest regret in life. "I cheated on her once, seven years ago. I'm not proud of it and I regret doing it, but it happened just the same. Don't get me wrong, I never kept a comare or anything. This was a one night stand I had while out of town with a woman I knew I'd probably never see again."
Dr. Barone was patient. "Go on."
Jim continued his explanation. "The triplets were just a few months old and we were invited to a vid con in LA. We decided I'd go while she took care of the kids. One of the other YouTubers there was a smoking hot lingerie model and cosplayer. She started flirting with me. I guess between three babies in the house and all the stress and hedaches that come with that I wanted to re-experience some of the excitement from before Quinn and I were parents. I figured since it was pretty much a sure thing I'd get away with it I might as well screw this woman, so we hooked up."
"How did Quinn find out?"
Jim sighed. "I felt so guilty afterwards that I actually confessed to Quinn when I got home. Things between us were pretty rocky for a bit, but in the end she decided to give me another chance."
"It actually makes sense" said Dr. Barone, "You betrayed her once and she's afraid it might happen again."
Jim grunted. "I should've just kept my mouth shut and lived with the guilt."
"Actually" said Dr. Barone, "it's good for both your mental health and your marriage that you owned up to your mistake. It also says something about the overall health of the marriage that it was able to weather such an event."
Jim said nothing but looked thoughtful. His expression, however, indicates that there's something else going on.
Casa Carbone, evening...
In the master bedroom Jim was sitting up in bed with a forlorn expression on his face.
"Quinn, what are you doing in there?"
From the bathroom, Quinn said "You're about to find out."
A few seconds later Quinn emerged with a seductive smile on her face wearing a skimpy white lace teddy and lacy panties.
"You like?"
Jim was dumbfounded. "What's the occassion?"
Quinn explained "I've been a real bitch to you the past few days, so I figured I owe you a little something."
Jim's expression, oddly, was one of disinterest. Hoping his wife didn't notice, he said "Quinn, I lied about my therapist being a woman. You had every right to be upset."
Quinn tried to seem understanding, even though the fact that Dr. Barone's a woman has been making her very insecure. "Well, the more I think about it, the more I realize I overreacted. Besides, we haven't done it in a few weeks so maybe it'll help to relieve our mutual sexual frustration."
Quinn turned around, revealing that her panties are a thong. Jim was surprisingly disinterested, even though his wife is still smoking hot at 38 and after three kids.
"Do you want me?" asked Quinn in a breathy, erotic tone.
Jim pretended to be in the mood for sex. "Yeah."
Quinn noticed the disinterest in her husband's voice. "That didn't sound very enthusiastic."
Jim immediately pulled out a cliched excuse. "Well, I guess it's been an exhausting day."
Quinn untied the teddy, exposing her bare breasts to him. "How about now?"
Quinn proceeded to make a sexy show of sliding her panties down her legs before stepping out of them and kicking them to the side. Jim, despite seeing his beautiful wife stand before him completely naked and very horny, was not the least bit turned on.
Some time later...
Quinn sat in bed, pouting in disappointment. Jim tried to talk to her, but she's clearly not in any mood to listen.
"Quinn, I'm sorry."
Quinn went from disappointed to angry in record time. "Sorry! I just threw myself at you, naked and very horny, and you didn't even get semi-rigid...AND ALL YOU CAN SAY IS SORRY!?"
Jim tried to stay calm. "Quinn, you knew this might happen with the prozac!"
Quinn did not buy this. "Bullshit! Sandi's been on it for almost twelve years and she jumps Tom's bones every chance she gets!"
Jim vehemetly protested. "Dr. Barone said it affects different people in different ways!"
The mention of Dr. Barone had Quinn struggling not to explode with rage. "Oh, she did! I bet if she took her clothes off you'd be lightning rod stiff and ready to go! I FREAKIN' KNEW IT, YOU JERK!" With that, Quinn angrily stormed out of bed.
"Quinn, that's not fair!"
Tying on her bathrobe, Quinn growled "What's not fair is that you'd rather fuck you shrink than your wife!"
She angrily stormed out of the bedroom as Jim sat there with a huge frown on his face.
Dr. Barone's office, a few days later...
Jim was having another therapy session.
Dr. Barone kicked things off. "So, how are things since we last talked?"
Jim proceeded to lie. "Good. Quinn and I worked it out. In fact, I've been feeling really good. So good that I wanna try going off the prozac for awhile, see if it's real."
Dr. Barone was puzzled by this. "Why? The medication's obviously working."
Jim finally admitted the truth. "Actually, that is a problem. I think the prozac might be putting in a little overtime."
"Are you experiencing a side effect?"
Jim nodded.
Dr. Barone explained "We discussed this. It's not uncommon to experience things like constipation, night sweats and restlessness. It usually passes after a short time."
"What about the other side effects?"
Dr. Barone answered "Well, some patients do experience a diminished libido. In the case of men, the inability to achieve or maintain a.."
Jim interrupted her. "Bingo."
Dr. Barone wasn't so sure it was the medication. "I see. Have you considered the possibility that your sudden erectile dysfunction might not be due to the medication?"
"What else could it be?" said Jim. "I'm a healthy 39 year old."
Dr. Barone asked "Well, when you wake up in the morning do you have an erection?"
"Every morning since puberty" Jim answered, "up to and including this morning."
"Okay, that eliminates the possibility of a physical cause right there."
Jim raised an eyebrow. "Are you suggesting that I've lost physical interest in my wife?"
"That's a possibility" Dr. Barone admitted. "Other possible causes of ED that aren't physical include performance anxiety, depression and low self-esteem."
Jim looked thoughtful.
Casa Carbone, that evening...
In the master bedroom Jim was sleeping when something caused him to suddenly wake up. Looking over, he noticed that Quinn was under the covers and not visible. She was positioned in such a way as to have her head over his lower torso. Jim felt her slip off his boxer shorts.
"Quinn, what are you..."
Quinn's hand suddenly emerged from the covers and she put a finger on Jim's mouth in a sushing gesture. "Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
Jim lay back and smiled as Quinn worked her magic on his lower extremities.
"Ohhh...God, you feel so good!"
Quinn said nothing as she continued to...do stuff...under the covers. Jim made his pleasure known.
"oohhhh...yeah...babe, I'm gonna..."
We all know what happened next.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!"
Quinn finally spoke, but something about her voice was off. "How was that, babe?"
Jim had a very satisfied smile on his face as he answered. "The best!"
He rolled back the covers and recieved the shock of his life. The woman in bed with him WASN'T QUINN! A naked and wanton Dr. Barone had just pleasured him in the bed he shares with his wife.
"WHAT THE HELL!?"
Dr. Barone grinned seductively. "I'm good with my mouth!"
The real master bedroom at that moment...
Jim woke up with a start.
"GAAAHHHHHHHHH!"
The scream caused Quinn to slowly wake up.
"Whu...yawn...wus tha?"
Jim nervously said "Uh, Nothing! Go back to sleep!"
Quinn, who wasn't fully awake to begin with, did just that as Jim sat there with a horrified look on his face.
I just had a vivid sex dream about Dr. Barone!
Act II
A street in Glenville, day...
Music: "What's My Age Again" by Blink-182
As he drove his blue Camaro ZL1 down the street Jim sang along to the song on the radio, a classic from his high school years.
"Later on...on the drive home...I called her mom...from a pay phone...I said I was the cops, and your husband's in jail, this state looks down on sodomyyyyyy...and that's about the time that bitch hung up on me...nobody likes you when you're 23...and are still more amused by prank phone calls, what the hell is call ID...My friends say I should act my age...what's my age again..."
At this point Jim approached Casa Carbone. In the driveway was a delivery van and men were hauling expensive looking furniture into the house. Jim reacted with shock.
"What the fuck!?"
Jim frantically pulls into the driveway and shuts off the car. He gets out. At the front door Quinn was talking to one of the delivery guys.
"Where you want the new TV, miss?"
Quinn pointed inside. "Just put it in the office for now."
As the men haul a new, large TV into the house Jim approaches.
"Quinn, what's going on? What's with all the new furniture?"
Quinn said "Just felt like some redecorating."
Jim couldn't believe what he was hearing. "And when were you planning to tell me this?"
Quinn's voice took on an accusing tone. "When were you planning to tell me Dr. Barone's a woman?"
Jim reacted with a mix of guilt and frustration. "Jesus, you're still on that shit!? I said I was sorry."
"Well, also, a new bed might help" Quinn hissed in an accusing tone.
Jim knew what she meant with that one and was visibly embarrassed. "Ix-nay, Quinn! Company!"
Quinn was equally confrontational in her reply. "So, you still care about something!"
That got under Jim's skin. His frustration grew with each word. "Dammit, Quinn, this isn't about that! It's about you spending a ton of money on shit we don't need!"
"You don't like it?" Quinn asked in a very haughty tone. "Fine, I'll send it back!"
Jim rubbed his temples in response. "Quinn, why are you being so...you know..."
Quinn got right in his face. "No, I don't know!"
"Difficult!" Jim growled in frustration.
Acting like she hadn't heard a word her husband said, Quinn snapped "You don't think we need new furniture!? Okay, I'll send it back!"
Jim's patience was rapidly wearing thin. "Mother of Christ, Quinn" he growled, "I didn't say that!"
It was now clear that Quinn's being contrary in a deliberate attempt to piss her husband off. "No, I'll send it back."
Jim walked away, raising his arms in frustration. "UGH! IT'D BE EASIER TO REASON WITH A GODDAMN FIVE YEAR OLD!"
Dr. Barone's office, a few days later...
Jim's latest therapy session consists of him bitching about Quinn's recent behavior.
"...not only does she not listen to a damn thing I say but now she's spending like we're the Carbones of Park Avenue!"
"But you've noticed her" said Dr. Barone, "which may be the point."
Jim let out a frustrated groan. "All this just because you're a woman and I'm having trouble in the bedroom!"
Dr. Barone said "Based on what you've told me your wife seems to be interpreting your performance issues as a rejection of her. I really think the runaway spending and confrontational attitude is a cry for attention."
Jim sighed. "Probably." After taking a few seconds to think about it, he added "Actually, that's a definite. Because I made the mistake of cheating on her seven years ago she's worried I'll do it again. When I mentioned the possibility of medication causing my...ahem...intimacy issues, she accused me of wanting to bed you."
Knowing what had to be asked, Dr. Barone took a breath to calm her nerves. "Do you want to...bed me, as you put it?"
Jim sighed. He needed a few seconds to steel his nerves before answering. "Well...I'd be lying if I said no. Don't get me wrong, I know it's not gonna happen, but the fact remains that you are pretty good looking. Do you work out?"
"Yes."
"It shows" said Jim with a smile. "I mean, it's obvious you've got a killer body under that outfit."
Flattered, Dr. Barone suppressed a smile and did her best to remain professional. "Thanks." She willed herself to get back on topic. "Getting back on topic, have you...well..."
Jim finished for her. "Yes. I don't mean to make you uncomfortable, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't have fantasies about you once in a while. See...um..."
Now it's the good doctor's turn to say what he can't. "Relax. Having sexual thoughts about someone you know is perfectly normal."
"Not to pry" said Jim, "but do you ever, you know, get turned on by an attractive patient?"
Dr. Barone was just as shocked to be asked that as Jim was that he'd asked that question. Willing herself to be professional, she said "I'd have to plead the fifth on that one. Besides, having such a relationship with a patient violates both my professional and personal morals."
Jim accepted the point and silently chided himself for even asking her something so personal. "True. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to actually get in your pants. I'm just...well..."
Dr. Barone reassured him. "For therapy to be effective it's essential that a patient be honest, even if the truth is something we both find uncomfortable. Besides, I'm fully aware of how conventionally attractive I am so you're hardly the first male patient who's entertained the occassional sexual thought about me. It just means you're human."
Jim appreciated her non-judgmental candor. "Thanks for understanding."
Casa Carbone, that night...
In the bedroom Jim was sound asleep in bed while Quinn was nowhere to be seen. There was a light coming from the bathroom and one could hear the shower running. Suddenly, Jim woke up. He looked over and noticed that Quinn was not in bed. He heard the shower running and saw the light on in the bathroom. He looked at his nightstand. Jim was bewildered when his alarm clock showed the time to be 1:00 AM.
What's Quinn doing in the shower at one in the morning?
Jim got out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. He entered the bathroom and looked at the walk-in shower. The shower door was closed but through the rippled glass he could the silhouette of a woman in the shower. Puzzled, Jim stared as the shower suddenly turned off. The shower door opened. The naked woman standing before Jim was Dr. Barone.
"Care to join me, Jim?" she asked in a playfully seductive tone.
Jim was too stunned to even think to ask how Dr. Barone had gotten into his house or why she was taking a shower in his bathroom. When he did find his voice, he could only think to ask one question. "What about Quinn?"
Like an irresistable succubus, Dr. Barone seductively said "Oooo, You're such a good man to think about her. That gets me...sooooo...hot." She then signaled Jim over. As if entranced by Dr. Barone's enticingly sexy body Jim slowly made his way to her.
"I know you want me" Dr. Barone cooed in such a breathy tone that Jim had to will a certain lower appendage to calm down.
Suddenly, Jim felt a cool breeze. That was when he noticed that he too was naked. He didn't remember taking his clothes off as he stepped into the shower with Dr. Barone. She closed the door and they looked at each other with uncontrollable lust.
Dr. Barone wrapped Jim in her arms as they passionately kissed. After the kiss, she spoke in a breathy tone that oozed desire. "Take me, Jim! I need you..." She licked his left cheek. "...right..." She licked his right cheek. "...now." They share a passionate, deep kiss. The make out session quickly escalated into a heavy groping session as the shower seemed to come back on by itself.
Meanwhile, in the master bedroom...
Jim started to move around in his sleep, which caused Quinn to wake up. She eyed her husband with concern.
Is Jim having a nightmare?
Jim's dream....
Jim and Dr. Barone were having hot, heavy sex in the shower. Dr. Barone vocalized her pleasure.
"ohh...ahh...Jim...YES..."
Reality...
A concerned Quinn continued to watch her sleeping husband. He started to talk in his sleep.
"oh...Dr...Barone...yes...feel...oh...baby..."
Quinn instantly went from concerned to angry as she realized Jim was having a vivid sex dream about his therapist.
Roy's Pizza at the corner of 8th street and 3rd avenue, the next day...
Nicole, who works in SoHo, was spending her lunch break with Quinn. Quinn was bitching about Jim's dream.
"How dare he have a sex dream about her!"
Nicole tried to talk her BFF down. "Aren't you taking this just a little too hard, Quinn? It's not like he's actually nailing his therapist."
Quinn angrily hissed "He wants to, he wouldn't be having these dreams otherwise. It sucks because I can't get him excited in bed anymore."
Nicole decided to call Quinn out on her part in this problem. "With the way you've been acting lately I can't blame him. Frankly, ever since you found out Dr. Barone's a woman you've turned into a class-A bitch of Sandi-like proportions."
Quinn frowned. "Some best friend you are" she said in a bitterly sarcastic tone.
Nicole rolled her eyes. "I AM your best friend, that's why I can be brutally honest with you and not have to worry about being punched in the mouth."
A customer in a MAGA cap walked by at that moment. He takes one look at Nicole. Her East Asian features cause him to become instantly hostile.
"Go back where you came from, you asian priss!"
Nicole fired back. "TAKE YOUR RACISM AND STICK IT UP YOUR MOTHER'S TWAT, YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKER!"
The MAGA customer was so taken aback that he walked away in an uncomfortable hurry. Nicole turned her attention to an equally uneasy Quinn. "Sorry about that" said Nicole, "I've definitely been living in New York too long."
Quinn stifled a laugh. "So, you think I'm overreacting?"
Nicole nodded. "It's not like Jim ever cheated on you."
Nicole didn't know about Jim's one night stand. The only person Quinn ever told was Daria, and that wasn't until almost seven years after it happened. Indeed, one reason she and Jim were able to work past it was that they didn't tell anyone for fear of being judged and pressured to handle things differently.
Quinn asked "Why is he having sex dreams about his therapist but not getting hard for me?"
"You probably just need to spice things up" said Nicole. " After all, that's how Jamie and I keep sex interesting."
Quinn said nothing, but looked thoughtful.
Casa Carbone, that evening...
In the master bedroom there were rose petals on the bed and scented candles in the room. Jim was sitting on the bed while Quinn was in the bathroom. His vivid sex dream had made her bound and determined to rock his world, more out of jealousy than lust.
"You think this will help?" asked Jim.
From the bathroom, Quinn said "Definitely...stud."
Quinn suddenly emerged from the bathroom in a lacy black bra and edible thong panties. In a playfully srotic tone, she said "So, big boy, you ready to ravage me?"
Jim appeared to be less than excited. He wasn't sure why, but seeing Quinn like this just wasn't doing it for him. Indeed, he had a stray thought about Dr. Barone and realized that if it were her standing before him in kinky lingerie he'd already be ravaging the good doctor. Jim willed himself not to think about Dr. Barone only to find his pending arousal instantly vanish. For some reason, the only woman Jim could get excited about was his therapist. Finally, he sighs.
"I'm sorry, Quinn. The lingerie and candles just aren't doing it for me."
Quinn was visibly disappointed for a second before getting an idea.
"Maybe if I start you off."
She walked up to Jim, unzipped his pants and proceeded to...do stuff to him.
Some time later...
Jim was zipping his pants back up while Quinn while a bitterly disappointed Quinn sat next to him. Bitter, she said "Maybe I should just be grateful that I was able to get you to semi-rigid this time."
"Sorry" Jim sheepishly replied as he sat back down next to Quinn.
"I don't get it" Quinn said in a voice that oozed frustration. "Last night you have a sex dream so vivid that you wake me up with the tossing and turning and fire one off in your boxers. Tonight I have to go down on you for almost an hour just to get you a little perked. What the hell!?"
Jim appeared to get an idea. "You know, you'd look hot if you dressed professionally."
Quinn rolled her eyes. "I'm in sexy lingerie and just spent an hour working you like a porn star. They don't get more hooker-esque than that."
"Not that kind of a professional" said Jim, "I mean, wear something like what you wear when we meet with big ticket sponsors. A business suit that shows off curves, but also looks professional and doesn't call too much attention to your body."
Quinn's jaw dropped, but Jim didn't notice.
"I could get into it" Jim continued.
Quinn had an uncomfortable feeling where this was going. "And while I'm dressed like that I listen to your problems?"
Jim failed to put two and two together. "I'm actually getting a little stiff thinking about that now."
Quinn folded her arms and glared angrily. "So, you want to roleplay as a patient and I play the psychiatrist?"
Jim suddenly realized that he said too much. "Oh...shit!"
Quinn angrily stood up and got right in his face.
"YOU WANT ME TO PRETEND TO BE DR. BARONE, DON'T YOU!?"
Now, Jim's very nervous.
"um...well..."
Quinn punched him in the face.
"YOU FUCKING JERK!"
Jim rubbed the pain out of his jaw.
"Quinn, I...I..."
Quinn angrily grabbed one of the candles.
"YOU WANNA FUCK YOUR SHRINK INSTEAD OF ME! YOU PIECE OF SHIT!"
Enraged, Quinn threw the lit candle at Jim's face. He blocked it with his arm, but the flame hit his skin and burned him.
"OW!"
Quinn angrily stormed into the bathroom. She slammed the door behind her and locked it. "GO JERK OFF, YOU PIG!"
Jim rubbed the burn on his arm.
Act III
Dr. Barone's office...
Jim was having another therapy session. He's showing her the burn mark on his left arm and telling her what happened.
"She freakin' burned me with a candle."
Visibly concerned, Dr. Barone said "That's not good."
Jim said "You know, one way that Quinn's a stereptypical redhead is her temper can be pretty damn explosive sometimes. In fact, times like this make me wonder if the wrong one of us is in therapy."
"What do you think at those times?"
Jim explained "I think about how angry she is, then I realize I'm the one who punches walls, yells at the slightest provocation and curses like a sailor from Brooklyn."
"What led up to Quinn throwing a lit candle at you?"
Jim looked a little embarrassed. "I figure if it's not the medication then maybe I just need to spice things up in the bedroom to get my equipment working again, so I suggested...not demanded, suggested...that she dress a little different. See if maybe that does the trick. I figured maybe I'll start raising a pole again if she wears...you know..."
Dr. Barone finished the sentence for him. "Something titilating?"
Jim nodded. "Problem was she took my suggestion the wrong way. She was acting like I'd just confessed to an affair, or admitted to hating the kids or something like that."
Dr. Barone offered a possibility. "Maybe she felt that it degraded her. Not all women are into dressing in sexy lingerie."
Jim sighed. "I didn't suggest that, that's the effed up part. I suggested that she dress, well..." He begins to hesitate.
"Go on" said Dr. Barone.
"I suggested she dress like...um...you."
Dr. Barone didn't react beyond asking Jim to elaborate further. "How like me?"
Her non-judgmental tone reassured Jim. He proceeded to explain. "Well, like you in that she dress in a professional outfit. Something that shows your body without calling undue attention. Sexy yet classy and professional at the same time. A business outfit that looks flattering."
"I see."
Jim continued, his voice growing more longing and emotional as he spoke. "And it's not just the way you dress. You have a beautiful face, a warm and caring smile and a sweet, soothing voice. Not only that, but I feel like I can tell you anything. I can be totally honest with you. I don't have to worry that you'll blow up at me. With you I can drop the mask and be myself. I...I love you."
Dr. Barone gasped in shock.
Jim went on. "I look forward to our appointments every second of every day just because it means spending time with you, I think about you all the time, I can't get turned on by any other women."
Dr. Barone tried to will herself out of the shock.
Casa Carbone, at that very same moment...
Music: "Hey, Jealousy" by The Gin Blossoms
Quinn sat alone in the office with a morose expression. Daria passed by the open door and saw her sister looking miserable. She entered the office.
"Quinn" said Daria, "the last time you looked like that was when you showed up in my room after asking out your tutor. What's wrong?"
Quinn sighed. "Jim's got a crush on Dr. Barone, that's what's wrong."
Daria pulls up a chair and sits next to Quinn. "I know. I think the whole neighborhood heard you guys fighting last night."
Quinn said "This hurts more than anything. It's even worse than when he confessed to having a one night stand with another woman all those years ago. This is opening a lot of old wounds."
Daria nodded in understanding. "You know that if Jim makes a move Dr. Barone will most likely reject him, right?"
Quinn proceeded to tell her sister exactly what it is about all of this that bothers her. "That doesn't make it any easier. I could deal the last time because it was a one night stand with a woman he'd most likely never see again. On some level, I think I considered it less like sexual intercourse and more like assisted masturbation. We had three babies in the house. We never had time to be intimate. Even when Jim and I could find time we were both too exhausted to do anything but sleep. Jim had an opportunity to relieve some pent up sexual frustration and I know how guys think well enough to know even the good ones give in to temptation sometimes. That's why I was willing to give Jim another chance when he did."
"But it feels different this time" Daria inferred.
Quinn nodded. "This time he has another woman taking care of his emotional needs. He can talk to her freely while with other women, including me, he has to worry how they'll react. I can't stand the fact that Jim's found that level of comfort with someone else. Even though there's nothing going on, this time it feels more like he's cheating than it did when he actually did cheat."
Daria asked "Have you considered the possibility that this jealousy might be driven by guilt?"
Quinn looked questioningly at her sister.
"Quinn" Daria explained, "it sounds to me like you want the kind of relationship where it feels safe for you to be 100 percent honest with each other and feel like you did something to make that impossible."
Quinn sighed. "I'm a hypocrite. I constantly preach honesty at my husband but as soon as he tell me something I don't wanna hear I bite his head off. Later, I calm down and realize that I overreacted but by then the damage is done."
Daria instantly understood. "So, you want honesty but, sometimes, your temper causes you to say and do things that dissuade your husband from being honest."
Quinn nodded.
Daria explained "Quinn, you're jealous because Dr. Barone's being what you want to be, a person Jim's comfortable being completely honest with. I think you might need some professional help yourself so you can learn not to take everything so personally."
Quinn said nothing but looked thoughtful.
Meanwhile, at Dr. Barone's office...
The therapy session was still going on. Now, they're delving into Jim's confession of being in love with Dr. Barone in attempt to get to the root cause of his feelings.
"Jim" said Dr. Barone, "you aren't in love with me. What you're in love with is the idea of someone you can talk to without any negative repercussions."
Jim raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"
Dr. Barone asked "Well, what is it about me that makes you feel this way?"
Jim proceeded to explain. "You mean besides the fact that you're hot enough to be a model? Frankly, it feels like you really get me. I tell you things and you don't judge me, you help me understand these things. You care and you understand me better than I understand myself."
Dr. Barone proceeded to give Jim a reality check. "You only know me in my role as a therapist. You have no way of knowing if I'm like that all the time. For all you know I could be a cruel bitch in my off hours. I'm not saying that I am like that, the reason I became a psychiatrist in the first place is because I care about people and want to help them, but before my telling you so just now you had no way of knowing that. Jim, what I'm saying is that in here I'm compassionate, nurturing and non-judgmental because as a therapist it's my job to be like that."
Jim said "Look, I know we're not gonna get together or anything like that. I get that it's an ethics violation for us to have a romantic relationship, but it doesn't change the way I feel about you."
Dr. Barone explained what Jim's really in love with. "Jim, you've idealized me and made me the embodiment of the traits you feel are missing in your wife. Frankly, these feelings are just you transferring what you wish you had with your wife onto me."
Jim raised an eyebrow. "Are you saying that I'm not actually in love with you and just think I am?"
Dr. Barone nodded. "What you feel for me is just an infatuation that'll inevitably fizzle out on it's own before too long."
"It still feels like love" said Jim, "but I get it. Sorry I made you uncomfortable."
"You don't need to apologize" said Dr. Barone, "but you do need to understand that what we have is a doctor/patient relationship and that's all it'll ever be."
Jim looked absolutely devastated. "Look, if you don't want me to come back I understand."
"Actually" said Dr. Barone, "the fact that you're having these feelings and able to admit it is a sign that we're making progress. Trust me, this is a lot more common than you think. You've convinced yourself that you're in love with me because I seem a caring, nurturing woman. I admit that I do care about you, but my feelings for you are more maternal in nature. I'm like that with all of my patients."
Jim nodded. "Makes sense. It's probably why you're such an effective therapist."
Dr. Barone asked "How do you plan to work on this desire to have a woman in your life who's both a lover and a mother figure?"
Jim raised an eyebrow for the third time. "Don't start with the Freudian bullshit about every guy secretly wanting to fuck his own mother, that shit's not gonna fly with me."
Dr. Barone said "I'm not saying that. I'm saying that you need to find ways of meeting your emotional needs that are appropriate."
Jim said nothing but looked thoughtful.
Casa Carbone, later that day...
In the back yard and Jim was sitting on a lounge chair watching the trees bloom as it's spring. Quinn comes out of the house and sits on the lounge chair next to him.
"Jim" she said, "I'm sorry I blew up at you last night. I'm also sorry I've been such a difficult bitch to you lately."
"That's my fault" said Jim. "I cheated on you seven years ago and my recent behavior has re-opened those old wounds. Truth is, I wish I could just go back to that night in LA and do the right thing this time."
"I know" said Quinn. After a brief pause, she added "So, how did your session with Dr. Barone go?"
Jim let out an exhausted sigh. "Tiring. It's like what you're feeling isn't what you're feeling and what you're not feeling is your real agenda. I...Well, I should've just told you my therapist is a woman."
"I get why you lied" said Quinn. "Frankly, you knew I was gonna get the wrong idea. You were trying to spare my feelings as much as your own."
Jim said "That's why I'm gonna quit. This therapy is starting to cause more problems than it solves."
Quinn disagreed. "I think you should stick with it, Jim." Jim raised an eyebrow in shock. Quinn proceeded to explain her change in additude. "I thought about it and realized that what I'm jealous of is her ability to help you, to make you feel comfortable enough to be completely open and honest. I want to be that person in your life."
Jim looked at Quinn and leaned towards her. "You aren't just in my life, Quinn. You and the boys ARE my life."
Quinn practically melted when she heard her husband say that. They lean in closer until, finally, they kiss.
Casa Carbone, that night...
Quinn's voice emanated from the house.
"...ah...oh...GOD...Jim...AHHH...yes..."
Meanwhile, in Daria's room...
Daria was placing a pillow over her head and silently cursing the fact that her room is located downstairs and directly under the master bedroom.
Dammit, why does the downstairs bedroom have to be directly under those two!? I can't escape the fact that my sister's a screamer in bed!
From upstairs, Jim could be heard groaning "...ah...oh...Quinn...soo...how..."
Shrill, Quinn's voice screamed "...SHUT UP...F#$% ME..."
Daria let out a frustrated sigh.
Next, she heard Quinn scream "...Yes...JIM...HARDER, DAMMIT...OHGODYESJIM...AHHHHH..."
Why me, God? Daria thought. I don't know what I did in a past life, but it couldn't have been bad enough to warrant this!
End Chapter.
Next Time
Shane takes his bullying too far and Tommy decides to push back.