Wings of Avalon: It's most definitely a lot for him to try to deal with at once. Things are about to start looking up for Riku, though!

coolmegan123: He's about to start figuring some things out!

Jake Hallows: Hey, great to hear from you! All I'll say is, they're just getting started with their travels. :)

Hello everyone! Happy weekend! Enjoy this week's installment!

Chapter 6

Perspective – Riku

Sora and Kairi had surprisingly little to say when I got back to the Gummiship a couple of hours later. I had not been sure whether to expect apologies or more pestering from them, but I had definitely not expected them to basically pretend like the conversation had never happened.

"You still wanted to go to Disney Castle, right?" Sora dropped into the driver's seat and began fiddling with buttons and knobs on the dashboard. "It's kind of a long way from here, but since you and I both know how to drive we can take turns!"

"Um, yeah. I guess." I was honestly more interested in curling up in my own bed and not moving for a few days. "If you guys want to."

Kairi nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, I really want to meet Queen Minnie, and Sora says that the castle is amazing."

"I already checked with the King to make sure it was a good time for a visit, so we're good to go!" Sora flipped a switch and the ship's engine roared to life. Kairi and I took that as our cue to sit down and buckle in, and for the next couple of minutes as we took off into space, no more words were spoken.

The fact that our argument was being ignored was disturbing to me, but at the same time I didn't want to bring it up and start everything all over again. It would get discussed again eventually, I was sure. For now, though, I had no idea what I would even say. I felt like I should apologize, but I couldn't actually come up with anything to apologize for. Maybe I should say I was sorry for not wanting to look for Meli's possible Nobody. Probably. But that felt like saying that I was sorry for trying to retain my sanity, or what was left of it, and I couldn't bring myself to do that, at least not yet.

Once we were safely on route, Kairi pulled her Gummiphone out of her dress pocket. "I need to text my mom. I told her that we'd probably be gone for several days, but I want to keep her updated on where we are." Fingers pausing above the screen, she looked up at us and raised an eyebrow. "Did you guys tell your parents?"

Sora waved a hand dismissively without turning from the windshield. "I'll let them know when we get there."

That left Kairi staring at me, and I crossed my arms. "She expects me to be gone the whole week. She doesn't need updates. If I get home earlier than that, it'll just be a pleasant surprise." I had almost left without telling her anything, but the memory of her tears when I had come home the first time made me reconsider. She really didn't deserve the anger I had been harboring toward her latel. Maybe she wasn't the most affectionate mom, but I knew she worried about me in her own way. It was just easy to blame her when I was hurting.

Kairi kept watching me for a moment longer before nodding slowly and returning to her text. I let my gaze get lost in watching stars zoom past for a few minutes before sitting forward and unsnapping my seat belt. "Well, if we're going to take turns driving, then I'm gonna go try to get some rest for now."

There were two sets of bunk beds in the back of the ship, and the lower right space had been designated as mine. They weren't the most comfortable beds ever, but not terrible for what they were. I tried not to think too hard about how empty the top left bunk had been and would remain.

Sora and Kairi spoke to each other in murmurs, and I didn't even bother to take my shoes off, but between the hum of the engine and the slight rock of the ship, I managed to fall asleep within fifteen minutes. Unfortunately, it was only to find myself trapped in a dream where Meli was dying, Maleficent was looming over her taunting me, and Ansem had taken control of my body so tha I couldn't do anything but stand there and watch. When I woke, it was with a jolt. Kairi was hovering over me, poking me in the arm.

"Hey. Sora didn't want to wake you, but he's getting pretty drowsy. I think you'd better take over for him."

I nodded, rubbing the sleep from my eyes and trying to shake the heaviness that the nightmare had left behind. Those dreams were an all-too-common occurrence, but that didn't make them any less disturbing. Especially now that I couldn't calm down by reassuring myself Meli was perfectly fine.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'll be right there."

After grabbing a protein shake and an apple from the mini fridge, I urged Sora out of the driver's seat and settled in. The countdown on the map indicated that we were almost halfway there, but still had several hours left to go. I adjusted a couple of settings before opening my drink, hoping that putting something in my stomach would be enough to distract me from my dream and keep me alert at the same time.

Kairi had returned to her seat just before me and was fiddling with something on her phone. Now that it was just the two of us, I fully expected her to bring the subject of Nobodies back up, and was bracing myself to have to explain my feelings again.

"Did you sleep well?"

I shrugged. "Eh."

Silence. Just say it already.

"I'm sorry that I got upset with you earlier." The admission was quiet, and I could see her staring at her propped-up knees out of the corner of my eye.

I swallowed. "Yeah. Um...me, too. I'm sorry, too."

"You don't need to be sorry," she said quickly. "I didn't...I wasn't understanding your feelings, but I shouldn't have accused you of not caring. You had every right to get upset in return."

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm not sure how much I understand my feelings, either."

She was looking at me now, I could tell. "I wish you would talk about them more. Your feelings. Maybe it would be easier to figure them out if you talked to somebody about them."

That's what I had Annaisha for. She was the only one who knew the extent of my anxieties, who knew that losing Meli had literally been my worst fear come to life. As much as I loved Sora and Kairi, it was so much harder to talk to them when I had to worry about what they might think of me afterward. I had only made it to one session with Annaisha before spring break started, though, and I had spent most of it just talking about Meli and crying.

"Yeah, well, you've been saying that to me since we were like, ten, so I doubt it's gonna make much of a difference now." I glanced sideways at her with a smirk so she'd know I was teasing, and she stuck her tongue out at me.

To my amazement, that was the closest we ever came to that discussion. We chatted here and there over the next hour until her yawns were more frequent than her words, and I threatened to abandon the steering wheel to carry her to bed myself. She was loathe to leave me alone, but silence and loneliness had been pretty constant companions for me, not only recently, but a couple of years ago, as well. I wasn't built like the two of them, anyway. I could stand being alone. Mostly it was easier to be alone than to admit I sometimes didn't want to be.

A few hours later, I docked the ship in the hangar of Disney Castle and was greeted by two very sleepy chipmunks. They offered to alert Mickey of our arrival, but since it was the middle of the night I urged them to just let him sleep. Sora and Kairi were still crashed out on their respective bunks, anyway. I was pretty beat, myself, but after the long ride I felt like I needed to stretch my legs out for a few minutes before climbing back in bed.

All it took was a glance to see that the castle was huge, and I didn't want to take any chances on not being able to find my way back to the ship, so I didn't wander far. There was a small courtyard just outside the hangar, complete with flower garden and a softly bubbling fountain. After roaming the perimeter, I took a seat on a bench facing the fountain, losing myself in the monotonous flow of the water.

"I thought I might've heard a ship come in."

The familiar voice jarred me out of my meditative state and drew my attention to the right. "Mickey. Sorry we're so late getting in. I was going to wait until morning to make our actual entrance."

"That's alright." The small king crossed toward the bench, smiling up at me. "I just so happened to still be awake. Minnie's always scoldin' me for keepin' late hours, but..." He shrugged. "Sometimes there's just too much to do, ya know?"

"Which we're interrupting for a social visit."

"Nonsense, Riku, you worry too much! I told Sora I was happy to have you fellas here, didn't I?" Mickey hopped up onto the bench next to me, folding his gloved hands in his lap. "Every once in a while we all need a break from the stuff we have to do. Besides, Minnie woulda been after me for sure if she found out I turned down a visit from you three!" He laughed merrily.

"Well, I'm happy to finally be here and get to meet her."

We sat in silence for a few minutes, the gurgles of the fountain the only thing to be heard.

"How are ya holdin' up, Riku?"

"I'm fine." I knew the question would come sooner or later, though I didn't know why he expected me to ever say anything different.

"Are ya sure? You always say that, but I'd be really surprised if you weren't strugglin'." I could see him looking up at me in my periphery. "Somethin' like that takes a long time to get over, and ya need friends to help you along the way."

"I know." I leaned forward, propping my forearms on my knees. "My therapist keeps telling me the same thing."

"So, ya went back to see her." He nodded. "That's good."

"And I've got Sora and Kairi. They help the best they can."

He paused for a moment before replying. "But sometimes they don't quite understand, do they? Sometimes they push you toward things you're not ready for."

I frowned, wondering where he was heading with this. "Well...I mean, yeah, sometimes. They have the best intentions, though."

Mickey nodded again, enthusiastically this time. "Of course. They're your best friends...but hey were Meli's best friends, too. I'm sure they miss her an awful lot."

Swallowing past he sudden dryness of my throat, I sat back and finally turned my full attention on him. "Is there something you're trying to tell me?"

Now it was his turn to look away from me. "Hm. I'm just thinkin', if I had lost someone I cared about that much...I think I'd feel pretty conflicted. On the one hand, if there was a possible way to get them back, I'd definitely want to do it. But on the other hand, if I wasn't certain that it would work, I'd hate to get my hopes up."

Sighing heavily, I raked a hand through my hair. "They told you about the Nobody conversation. Of course they did." I barely held back an eye roll. "No wonder they didn't bring it back up themselves. They were counting on you to do it for them."

Mickey gave a guilty little laugh. "They just thought maybe you'd wanna talk it through some more with somebody else. They weren't sure you wanted to talk to them about it anymore."

"Well, they got that part right," I muttered under my breath. "Let me guess, you think I should go off and search for her, too?"

"I'm not here to tell ya what I think. I just want you to be able to talk about what you think. Like I already said, I can understand both sides."

I scrubbed my face irritably. I knew I had automatically switched to being overly defensive as soon as this subject had come up, but I couldn't really help it. "I don't know what else to say. It's just like I told them, we're talking about a cross-worlds search for something that may not even exist."

"And ya don't wanna get your hopes up," Mickey reiterated.

"I can't afford to get my hopes up."

"I know." Based on the silence that followed, maybe he really did. It seemed like ta was all I needed to say, like maybe he understood what I was feeling better than I even did.

But still... "You think I should go look for her," I repeated, less a question than a statement.

He held his hands up in front of him. "I think you should do whatever is best for you."

I shook my head. "No, Mickey, I want to know what you actually think about all of this. Do you think it's possible? That she's out there somewhere, that I could recognize her if I saw her?"

Our gazes locked, and I refused to look away until he finally sighed and gave in. "I'm no expert. But it seems to me that what the guys over in Twilight Town had to say makes sense. That she had a strong enough heart to create a Nobody seems to me like a no-brainer. As far as what kind of Nobody...well, like Sora said to me on the phone, there's already evidence of two Keyblade wielders who had highest tier Nobodies."

"Two?"

"Well, Roxas and Axel. Sure, Axel himself wasn't a wielder, but Lea's heart was strong enough both to create that type of Nobody, and to later summon a Keyblade." He clasped his hands together again and kicked his feet slightly. "So yeah, it makes sense to me that Meli would have the same kind of Nobody out there somewhere. But like I said, I'm no expert. Maybe Ansem the Wise and some of the others could give ya a better idea."

"Yeah. Maybe." I really needed some time just to be able to process all of these thoughts and decide what I believed. Of course I had just had the time, on the drive over, but I had been doing my best to ignore it all then. Now I didn't feel like I even had that choice. All the ideas and implications were pounding through my head like a never-ending drumbeat.

Mickey yawned suddenly, stretching his arms up over his head. "We should both get some sleep. We can talk about this more tomorrow, if ya want."

I nodded and hummed my assent, getting up off the bench to return to the ship so that he wouldn't worry about me. Gentle snoring was filling the cockpit, but it was my thoughts that kept me awake for the next hour or more.

Even the King thinks that it's possible.

Could there really be a chance of getting her back?

But what happens if we can't find her? It'll almost be like losing her all over again. I don't know if I could handle it.

But what if we do find her?

Well, what does happen then? In order for her to be recompleted...we'd have to kill her.

Again.

I don't know if I could handle that, either. It was bad enough when it was her Heartless, but this would actually look and sound and act like her...

Or would it? If she doesn't even remember who she is, then she could act like a completely different person.

In other words, if I go looking for her, I don't know how to handle the stress of searching, I don't know how to handle finding her, and I don't know how to handle not finding her.

But the other option is to just not look, and...I don't think I know how to handle that, either.

Not anymore. Not when the seed of hope has already been planted. Kairi was right. I can't just sit back and do nothing when there's even the slightest of possibilities that she can be found.

It took me a while to realize that I had actually made up my mind. Once I did, I finally turned over and fell asleep, though my dream were still filled with thoughts of Meli and Nobodies and searches through foreign worlds.

Neither Mickey nor I let on the next day that we had spoken at all. Queen Minnie was a gracious hostess and an automatic mother-figure to all three of us, and our day was filled with tours of the castle and town, huge meals in the grand dining hall, and a few friendly tennis and shuffleboard matches with not only the king and queen, but Donald and Goofy, too.

In the evening, while we all gathered in the drawing room sipping hot chocolate and exchanging pleasant stories, Queen Minnie spoke up. "I've had bedrooms prepared for all three of you. And no protesting, it will be much more comfortable than sleeping in that old Gummiship. How long do you think you'll be staying with us? You're more than welcome for as long as you like, of course."

Sora's and Kairi's eyes immediately turned to me, as if I was the one in charge of this excursion solely because I was the oldest. It was a scenario I was fairly used to by now, though, and this time I already had an answer in mind. "Just until morning, I think. I'd like to head to Radiant Garden tomorrow, if that's okay with you guys." I could see Mickey already smiling at the implications of that statement.

"Oh yeah, that's a good idea!" Sora exclaimed. "It's been a while since I've seen Leon and the gang. Oh, and we should check up on Kaj, too!"

Kairi nodded her agreement, then tilted her head to look at me. "Was there a specific reason you wanted to go there, Riku?"

I took a sip of my cocoa, then nodded slowly. "I want to talk to some people there...Ienzo, probably...maybe Ansem the Wise. Anybody who might be able to give me more information about Nobodies."

I knew they would be excited about my decision to pursue this course, but I wasn't prepared for Kairi to land in my lap an instant later. It was a miracle that hot chocolate didn't slosh all over the both of us as she threw her arms around my neck. "I knew you wouldn't give up on her!"

"So you're really gonna do it? You're gonna go look for her?" Sora asked excitedly, thankfully while staying in his own seat.

"Yeah." I drew in a deep breath, solidifying my resolve. "I think I am."

A/N: Sometimes all you need is a middle-of-the-night chat with your tiny father figure.

So yayyy! We're headed to Radiant Garden, and Riku's feeling a bit more optimistic about life in general. What do you guys think about the upcoming search for Meli?