A/N: so this chapter and the next one (with Yumiko and Daryl) don't have Magna in it (apologies) but all the chapters afterward are full yumagna interaction.
Also just realized that this series has now gotten to 100,000 words! Whoo! Honestly kind of shocked. Never thought I'd even make it past 12,000 words before giving up.
[Trigger Warning: OCD]
Relational balance: Research also shows that people prefer their relationships with others to be aligned and balanced. In other words, we prefer that all our friends be friendly with each other and that they dislike our enemies. Any imbalances between our friends and enemies results in the motivation to change friends to enemies or enemies to friends."
― Peter T. Coleman, The Five Percent: Finding Solutions to Seemingly Impossible Conflicts
"Can I just say I'm glad Magna's finally moved back in with you? I love the woman but damn she-"
"Snores like a freight train?" Yumiko guessed, raising an eyebrow as she continued with folding the shirt on her lap.
"For real," Kelly sighed, shaking her head. "How can someone that small be so loud?"
She chuckled. "It's a mystery."
And good luck getting Magna to admit to it.
One of the worst things about the apocalypse was that Yumiko no longer had access to noise-canceling headphones - and she'd lost all her earplugs years ago. The few nights she'd had without Magna might actually have brought an element of peace and provided some quality sleep, if she hadn't been in the midst of such emotional turmoil.
"The only upside of my hearing starting to go is that I don't get the Full Magna Impact. Not that it counts for much when she's got a damn motor in there." Yumiko bit her lip, enjoying the disgruntled expression on Kelly's face. "Also she clings like a koala in her sleep. Which might be cute if her hair didn't keep trying to suffocate me."
Yumiko ducked her head, hiding a smile. This, also, she was intimately familiar with.
The first time they'd shared a bed - well, mattress - she'd woken up to find the other woman practically on top of her, her hands fisted so securely in Yumiko's shirt that it was impossible to disentangle them.
That might have been okay if Magna's hair hadn't been doing its damned best to smother her at the time.
"I swear I've been waking up every morning with hairballs." Kelly's eyes were somewhat wide at the memory of the extensive trauma she'd been forced to endure. "I'm beginning to feel like a cat. And one night, she got a little handsy in her sleep," she grimaced, "which you might be into but I definitely am not."
Yumiko snorted, unable to contain her grin any longer. Yes, she knew all about that too. Though, in all fairness, Yumiko was the one who had started it. None of her previous girlfriends had ever complained about any dream-born friskiness so she'd been utterly blindsided when it started happening with Magna. And then it had turned out to be contagious, Yumiko waking in the night to find that the sleeping woman beside her had become overly interested in her boobs - which hadn't helped her increasingly frustrated libido at all. "I'm truly sorry for all you've suffered during this time."
"Just, you know, don't do it again." The younger woman shrugged somewhat awkwardly, looking down, and Yumiko suspected it was this thought that had inspired their present conversation. "Shit's weird when you two aren't joined at the hip. Kinda scarier than the dead coming back to life. And Magna was moody as hell. Well, moodier." She frowned. "And kind of clingy."
Yumiko looked down at the folded shirt on her lap. "Yeah." Her lips parted with an exhale. "She does that."
She knew all too well about the other woman's conflicting pattern of pushing people away and, at the same time, desperately trying to latch onto them - the anger mixed with fear. It could be frustrating sometimes, but it also made her heart hurt, watching those two impulses warring inside Magna: her turmoil over wanting to protect herself, rioting with the terror of losing someone else.
It was like the past couldn't let Magna be free to live her life in the present. It stayed in the background, watching, waiting, primed to ruin every good moment that opened up to her.
(and you know all about that, don't you?
Yumiko paused in the process of refolding the shirt, realizing that this would be the fifth time she'd done so, her fingers itching to take it to a safe six)
It confused everything, including Magna's true desires.
Whilst sometimes Yumiko found it hard to determine what her girlfriend really wanted in any given situation, she suspected it was even harder for the woman herself.
Too often she ran away when all she really wanted was to stay.
Too often she stayed when she should run.
Eyes still on the dark material, Yumiko suddenly felt incapable of carrying out the task of putting it away. The shirt was Magna's. The one she was wearing when she'd left Hilltop for the last time. The same shirt that had cloaked her body as she'd stepped out of that horde, dazed and bloody. Every time Yumiko looked at it, she flashed back to that moment, to the feeling of her muscles going slack as she lowered her bow - the bow she would now have to use to shoot the woman she loved.
Yumiko hated this shirt.
But it was the only one of her own that Magna had left, the rest of them having gone up in flames with their former home. They had new shirts now, both of them, ones they'd scrounged from the other survivors or from the community pile at Alexandria.
Yumiko wished this shirt had burned up with the rest of Magna's things. She wasn't looking forward to the day she'd have to see her girlfriend in it once again.
Knew all she would see was the moment she'd thought everything had been lost.
Yumiko's hands clenched.
"It won't happen again," she said firmly, finally looking up.
She felt confident of that, at least. She wouldn't let it happen again. They'd come too far, been through too much shit, to throw it all away so easily. And things weren't the same as before. Yumiko knew now what it was that had spawned so much of the conflict between them, that impenetrable wall that her girlfriend had used to keep her out. And Magna. . . Magna was trying. That much had been obvious ever since she'd come home.
And Yumiko was trying too.
She was determined. She wasn't ever going to let the other woman go again.
Not by choice.
Not unless it was what Magna really, truly wanted - rather than a compulsion born of fear.
Yumiko had allowed that kind of fear to control her life once before and refused to let it get a foothold again, to exert that same, devastating dominion over the most important relationship she'd ever had. Even if it wasn't her fear that was the problem this time.
"We've sorted it out. The reason for the fight," she continued more easily, anxiety settling with her newfound resolution.
Kelly tilted her head to the side. "Must have been bad for you to kick her ass out." Yumiko raised a brow and the other woman shrugged. "She wouldn't admit that was what happened, of course - but it was all in the pout."
She smiled a little and Yumiko mustered up a faint one in return, allowing it to fall away a moment later.
"Plus, the way you were talking that day. . ." Kelly shook her head. "Never thought I'd hear you say those things about Magna. So. . . must have been bad."
Yumiko's fingers tightened around the fabric in her hands, remembering just how deep that betrayal had cut.
Even now, she felt the sting.
Wondered if it was something that would ever leave.
"Yeah," Yumiko sighed. "It was bad. But I probably could have handled things better as well." At Kelly's curious look, she smiled apologetically. "I can't talk about it. Not my story to tell."
The other woman nodded, accepting that easily, and smiled. "Well, I'm just glad it's worked out."
Yumiko's lips lifted in return and she hesitated before reaching out to touch Kelly's arm. "How are you holding up, anyway?"
She felt guilty. She'd been so distracted with getting Magna back that she had barely paused to fully consider how it must have been for Kelly - watching her friend return at last but without her sister.
Kelly looked away. "I'm just glad Magna's back. I couldn't lose both of them."
Yumiko squeezed her arm. "Yeah well, you haven't lost either of them yet. We'll get her back, Kelly. If anyone can survive out there on their own, it's Connie. She's a badass."
It wasn't a useless platitude. She believed it. The odds may be stacked against them but she had learned a long time ago that you'd have to be a fool to underestimate Connie. She was one of the most capable people Yumiko had ever met.
Kelly smiled a little at her in thanks, though she could see a thread of doubt lingering behind the expression. It hadn't been there in the beginning. But as the days turned into weeks with still no sign of Connie, her faith had started to falter. Yumiko could understand that. She'd had the same doubts whilst Magna was gone, her status unknown. But Kelly had reassured her then, had forced her hope to rekindle itself.
Yumiko would do everything she could to return that favor.
"Not as badass as me but she tries." Kelly grinned through the pain and squeezed her hand briefly before turning away. She set her sights on the rest of the clean laundry that still had yet to be put away.
They'd already deposited Kelly's in the room she was sharing with Alden and Adam, and now they were sorting through her and Magna's whilst the other woman was off on patrol. With Daryl.
Yumiko grimaced a little at the memory of that fact, hoping the experiment wouldn't end in tears - or homicide.
A thought occurred to her then and she inwardly berated herself for not having considered it sooner. "Are you still alright rooming with Alden?"
She and Magna had been so consumed with each other - and Luke with Jules - that Kelly had basically fallen by the wayside, left to fend for herself. Yumiko hadn't paused to think about sleeping arrangements beyond ensuring that Magna would be sharing her bed. When Kelly had mentioned that she was going to room with Alden, Yumiko hadn't blinked. Hadn't thought that maybe, in the wake of everything, the younger woman might need the comfort of more familiar company.
God, she felt like an ass.
"Because I'm sure we could squeeze another bed in here," Yumiko hastily continued.
Kelly snorted. "Oh no. The days of me listening to you two going at it less than six feet away are long gone. Never again."
She flushed, ignoring the smug smirk on Kelly's face. Still, she felt the need to defend herself. "We're not that loud."
"Magna's not. You on the other hand. . ."
Yumiko decided to take a page out of her girlfriend's book, balling up a sock and hauling it at the other woman's face. "Forget I offered."
Kelly caught it easily, lips inching up. "Gladly."
It was probably best not to inform her that Magna could be loud. With the right encouragement. Of which Yumiko had plenty to give.
Her skin burned hotter, though now for another reason entirely.
She wondered how exhausted Magna would be when she got back from patrol. . .
"Don't get me wrong. I'm happy you guys are back together. I just don't wanna hear it," Kelly's words pulled her from that train of thought. "Also, you should know, Daryl's knives keep going missing. He's starting to get pissed. And suspicious."
Yumiko closed her eyes and heaved a massive sigh. "Goddamnit."
Kelly's mouth quirked a little. "Yeah. Figured it was probably her. It's kind of funny to watch, really, but I'm not all that keen on seeing the inevitable blowup."
Yumiko swiped a hand through her hair in frustration, all arousing plans for the night forgotten. "I'll handle it."
Somehow.
That was what she did.
She handled things.
"You gonna talk to her?"
"No. I'm going to talk to him."
Kelly made a noise. "Magna won't like that."
"Well, if it works, it won't matter if she likes it." She'd be angry about the interference, probably, but Yumiko felt confident that their relationship was now at a place where they could handle a little disagreement. She rolled her eyes a second later, tired frustration leaking through. "Besides, she's acting like a child. So I'm going to do damage control as if she was one."
A sliver of guilt slid inside her at the remark, knowing it was unfair. She resisted the urge to take Magna's shirt through another round of folding. It would calm her, but only temporarily, and she didn't want to get back in the habit of doing that again. Too much of a slippery slope.
(each day, it seemed like her patience was getting more and more thin and Yumiko had no idea how to stop the steady depletion)
Kelly raised a brow. "Not gonna let it play out like with Bernie?"
"Magna liked Bernie. And he liked her. This is a hundred miles away from that. Even if she is using the same old tactics." Besides, Yumiko wasn't so sure Daryl would appreciate getting a wet sock to the face.
Or a boot.
Kelly cocked her head to the side. "Pretty sure they're the only ones she has in her arsenal. You know, besides stabbing."
Yumiko sighed, deflating slightly. "Yeah. I know. Doesn't make it any less frustrating."
She wasn't sure Magna knew how to resolve conflict without adding fuel to the flames. The conversation they'd had on that log after finding each other again might just be one of the only times Yumiko had ever seen her do so - and by her own volition.
But that seemed to have sparked something. Ever since, Magna had been more open to discussing things, to talking out their problems without falling back into old defensive tactics that so often led to attack.
But it was a change she seemed unwilling to extend to Daryl.
She supposed it made sense. Magna trusted her. Trusted her enough to lower her walls and let Yumiko in. To risk leaving herself open to attack.
She did not trust Daryl.
Yumiko would never expect her to. But that left them with their current predicament, one that was proving all too difficult to diffuse.
Kelly's eyes were sympathetic. "I know you want everyone to get along but it's not always possible. Daryl and Magna just don't click."
That may be true but Yumiko used to play mediator to her parents. She knew her way around forcing people to get along, whether they liked it or not. "Doesn't mean they can't. They just don't understand each other. And that breeds distrust."
Kelly shrugged, letting it rest. "Well, Connie will thank you if you do somehow get them holdings hands and braiding each other's hair."
She blew out an amused breath. "Even I'm not that powerful - but thankyou for the vote of confidence."
The other woman shared in her humor a moment before it faded with the narrowing of her eyes. "Just remember, she's not a kid, Miko. You don't need to treat her like one. She won't thank you for it."
"I know." Their relationship would be rather disturbing if that wasn't the case. "And I'm not."
Despite her earlier jibe, she was fully aware of that fact. Magna sometimes had a tendency towards immaturity - mostly when it came to conflict - but also moments of startling maturity and insight.
Magna wasn't a child. In truth, she hadn't been granted the privilege of ever being a child. Life hadn't allowed her that. Which meant it also hadn't really allowed her to grow up.
Yumiko had some understanding of what that was like.
She'd lost her childhood, too. Though, she'd had five years of innocence at least to hold onto beforehand. She knew Magna hadn't even been afforded that small grace.
So if sometimes she devolved into childish antics, Yumiko couldn't begrudge her that. She'd more than earned the right.
She also refused to blame Magna for something out of her control, that had been done to her.
Something that wasn't her fault.
Life had left the other woman with more than a few scars and if sometimes they still echoed with the pain that had birthed them, that could hardly be held against her.
Even if it did get frustrating at times.
Kelly was eyeing her somewhat doubtfully, though. "She doesn't want anyone to protect her."
"I know that, too." It had been the source of many arguments.
Yumiko was also fairly certain that it had nearly led to Magna breaking up with her, if the conversation they'd had after she punched Carol was anything to go by.
But Yumiko's desire to protect her girlfriend didn't come from a place of thinking that she needed that protection, that she couldn't skate by just fine on her own. Magna was more than capable of handling herself and this fact had been driven home a thousand times over throughout the course of their relationship.
But that didn't stop Yumiko from wanting to protect her anyway. It certainly didn't make it any easier to see her in pain.
Magna protected her, she protected Magna.
That was the deal.
That was how they operated.
Always had been.
Especially since neither of them were all that good at protecting themselves.
Yumiko continued, "But sometimes it's prudent to intervene when a situation looks like it's just going to go from bad to worse. Magna only knows how to escalate: you get punched, you punch back. That's not going to work here."
"Pretty sure you were the one escalating things with Carol." Yumiko grimaced, ignoring Kelly's smirk at the fact. "Yeah, Magna told me about that. Said it was hot but scary as hell."
She snorted, lips pulling traitorously in reluctant amusement. "Of course she did."
There were times Yumiko was unsettled by that action herself, shaken by her utter lack of control, the violence this world had revealed in her.
But not enough to regret it.
"So, you sure you're gonna be able to hold yourself in check enough to deescalate this? I know you're pissed at him for what he said to Magna."
Yumiko huffed, hands clenching around the shirt as she scowled at the memory. "It was cruel."
And uncalled for.
Not to mention, he'd somehow known just where to drive the knife in to do the most damage. Magna had a lot of insecurities and he'd located one of the tenderest ones with ease.
Frowning, Yumiko finally found the strength to stand up and relinquish the shirt in her hands to one of the drawers. Good riddance.
"Yeah. It was," Kelly agreed. "But are you gonna punch him for it?"
It would be a lie to say she hadn't thought about it.
A lot.
God, she was a lawyer. Physically assaulting someone shouldn't even be a thought in her head. And not just because it was illegal.
Before the apocalypse, Yumiko had never committed an act of violence in her life. Had been staunchly opposed to settling disputes with fists, to physically acting on one's anger.
And yet she felt no guilt over what she'd done to Carol. She doubted she ever would.
What the hell did that say about her?
Yumiko exhaled and shook her head. "No. I'm not. But I am going to make sure it doesn't happen again."
"Fixer Miko to the rescue, huh?" Kelly grinned a little and she smirked in return.
"That's right." Yumiko slammed the drawer shut. "I've had enough of this bullshit."
Had enough of every kind of bullshit.
"Alright," Kelly said, crossing her arms and leaned back against the wall. "What's your game plan?"
"I tell him the truth."
She whistled. "So I probably shouldn't get too used to the peaceful nights cos you're gonna be sharing my bed real soon, huh?"
Yumiko rolled her eyes. "Not all of the truth." Kelly was right. Magna would never forgive her. "Just the cliff-notes."
The other woman still looked somewhat doubtful. "Kind of hard not to read between the lines of those cliff-notes."
She chewed her lip in sudden indecision. "Just enough that he'll understand what's happening." But not so much that Magna would feel like her privacy had been violated.
It would be tricky but with enough care, Yumiko thought she could manage it. She'd worked within tighter constraints during her career.
Kelly shrugged. "Well, you're the lawyer." Not anymore. Never again. "And you know Magna best, what she'll forgive you for and what she won't. If anyone can walk that thin line it's you."
Yumiko smiled slightly. "Thanks, Kelly."
The other woman waved her gratitude away. "What's her issue with him, anyway? She didn't like him even before he started spouting off a bunch of bullshit about her."
Yumiko hadn't been aware of that but then she'd never really seen Magna and Daryl interact all that much before now. Clearly, Kelly had.
Still, she knew the answer to that question without even having to think. This wasn't the first time she'd had to navigate one of Magna's conflicts. "She thinks he's a threat."
Her girlfriend hadn't said as much but Yumiko had seen the way her eyes had tracked his interactions with Connie, her body thick with tension, ready to intervene at a moment's notice.
Magna's concern was unnecessary, as far as she could tell, but that paranoia was born out of years of experience that were hard to dismiss.
Kelly grunted. "And he thinks she's a threat."
"Yep." It would have been comical if it wasn't so frustrating.
"Great."
"Mm-hmm."
Kelly cocked her head to the side, considering. "Maybe we should just lock them in a room together instead. Seems like it would be easier."
Her face screwed up. "God, no. They'd kill each other."
But the other woman only shrugged. "See? Easier. Just need to find someone to handle the cleanup and we're good."
Yumiko laughed.
God help her, she was tempted.